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It was in the aftermath of an attack on what looked like the beginnings of a Dragon Hunter camp that the Riders found them.
Hiding away in the uppermost point of the island, a wounded Nadder led them straight there. Her trust gained from being free of the Hunters cages, she had refused to retreat- now following her to the safety of the cave, the Riders found out why.
“Hatchings! No way she’d leave her babies.” Hiccup’s smile was wide, as it always was whenever greeted with baby dragons.
Astrid looked across the small crowd of screeching baby nadders, disbelieving, “I didn’t even know Nadders could have this many babies, this has gotta be some sort of record.”
She had a point. Four baby Nadders, all coloured in variants of purple and orange, rushed forward to their Mother, chirping up at her as they danced around her feet as the gang watched on, cooing at the sweet scene.
The moment of peace was broken by a sharp cry, one leg crumbling under the Nadder as she fell, revealing the gaping arrow wound they’d momentarily forgotten about.
Hiccup rushed forward, gently petting the Nadder's side as he assessed her injuries closer.
Fishlegs looked over the babies, brightening up. “Actually it’s not completely unheard of! Nadders can have clutches of up to six eggs at a time, but it’s pretty uncommon, looking after babies is tiring, and the more you carry, the higher the risk that something goes wrong.”
Hiccup eyes the deep gash in the Nadder’s side, the discoloration on her claw, and tears in the wing. They would be too much for a normal dragon to handle, let alone one who has four babies to look after.
He cooed at her, voice low and unthreatening, as she whined back. “She’s too injured to be caring for hatchlings right now.” Hiccup didn’t turn back to look at the Riders, running a hand down the dragon’s side “Fishlegs, get over here and check out these injuries. Astrid, you too, she’ll probably feel more at ease with a Nadder rider.”
The pair followed orders swiftly, approaching either side of the dragon slowly and with intent. The mother eyed them, but allowed them to come closer, nudging Hiccup towards her clutch. Immediately, he perked up, little Nadders squawking up at him.
“Aw hey, look at you guys!” Hiccup crouched down, letting the babies get familiar with his scent. One hand behind him, he gestures Snotlout and the Twins forward, “Your Mom's pretty hurt right now, but we’re gonna take care of her, promise.”
They didn’t have a clue what Hiccup was saying, but it didn’t seem to matter, one jumping right into his arms- wings not quite a familiar mechanism yet. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Snotlout getting teary-eyed over another Nadder, as it nudges at his outstretched fingers.
Behind him, Fishlegs finishes his assessment of the injured Mother, and confirms what Hiccup had already started planning for. “Her wounds are pretty serious, Hiccup, there’s no way we can patch her up enough here. She needs close monitoring and stitches, the Hunters got her pretty bad.”
Hiccup sighed, “Yeah, I figured you were gonna say that. We’ll take her back to the Edge with us- the babies too. We can’t leave them here. We’ll figure the rest out once we get back.”
The gang nodded in agreement, the group falling silent for a moment as they took stock of their next challenge. Six riders, five dragons, plus one injured adult dragon, and four babies. They’d manage, just.
That was, until Hiccup’s head snapped forward, peering into the corner of the cave, now on high alert. The others tensed at his wariness, and made to follow as Hiccup advanced forward, forgetting the baby Nadders who cried after him, still circling his feet.
“Um, Hiccup?” Astrid looked ready to pounce, hand that had been petting the injured Nadder now reaching for her axe.
Hiccup ignored her, instead crouching down and reaching forward. From the shadow of some rocks, another baby dragon emerged. He was tiny, so much smaller than the rest of the clutch, and he eyed Hiccup warily, not quite as excited as his siblings were.
Slowly, palm facing up, Hiccup let the small one come to him. Not a word was spoken from the leader, who seemed to have eyes only for the new discovery.
“Oh, he’s so small .” Ruffnut cooed, resisting the urge to go over and join. The baby was skittish enough already.
“Guess that makes it a clutch of five dragons then, poor Mom.” Astrid has relaxed from her earlier worry, back to comforting the injured dragon.
The gang watches as Hiccup offers both arms for the baby Nadder to crawl into, the offer taken in hesitant steps and a small squawk. Once secure, Hiccup stands up and returns to the group, absentmindedly he’s begun petting the dragon in his arms.
“Okay gang, here’s how we’re gonna do this.” The Riders perked up to listen, although with baby Nadders running around your boots it was a challenge to say the least, “Snotlout, you and Hookfang are gonna carry the Mother Dragon back, Hookfang’s the strongest, so you should be able to manage.” Hookfang looks pleased from the casual compliment, “From there, each of the rest of you take one of the baby Nadders- and remember, don’t let them try to fly. Diving after hatchlings is the last thing any of us want to be thinking about right now.”
Tasks assigned, they file out, Hiccup immediately mounting Toothless, the tiny baby dragon still in his arms. The other hatchlings try to follow, but Hiccup seems to bear them little mind, only holding the dragon in his arms closer.
“Hey, um, those other baby dragons seem pretty attached to you already Hiccup,” Astrid can hear Snotlout make some sarcastic remark about being ‘unsurprised’ behind her, but pays him no mind, “I can take that one, if you want? He seems docile enough.”
Hiccup looks down at the baby in his arms. Astrid had a point. He knew baby dragons better than the others, he should really be taking one of the more rambunctious ones and letting Fishlegs handle this, but a surge in protectiveness won out.
He shook his head, “Nah, I mean he’s pretty comfy already, it’d be a shame to interrupt that,” It wasn’t a lie, the little baby Nadder seemed to have finally lost some of that fear it was carrying, nearly dozing off in Hiccup’s arms, “Toothless and I have this one, you guys focus on the rest.”
Fortunately, Astrid didn’t question him further, and scooped up one of the babies, returning to Stormfly.
The aches of the earlier battle was starting to set in, but the Dragon Riders knew they had a long day ahead of them, and it started with getting this family pack back to the Edge.
The flight back had been relatively peaceful, as far as flights back went when the majority of the team were carrying noisy, rambunctious baby nadders who wanted nothing more than to feel the wind in their wings. Despite a near miss or two with the twins, they made it back with all dragons accounted for and squawking.
Snotlout whined as the Edge came into sight, “Why couldn’t it have been a pack of Monstrous Nightmares? Or Zipplebacks? Or literally anything apart from Nadders- they’re so noisy.”
Snotlout yelped as a spine shot landed on his helmet, and turned to Astrid and Stormfly, who looked far too smug for their own good. “What’s that Snotlout? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your noisy screams.” Astrid taunted, the baby nadder in her arms happy wriggling under the affectionate chin scratches. As if to make a point, it squawked again.
Spotting an incoming bicker, Hiccup got ahead of things. “Okay, head for the stables. First thing we need to do is get that Mother dragon fixed up, then we can worry about the babies.”
Getting the adult Nadder settled and patched up wasn’t the easy feat the gang had hoped for, with the baby dragons vying for their Mother’s affection and distracting her, it was hard to keep her still long enough to attach the bandages- all the more so when they brought out the needle to stitch the gash in her side.
It took a collaborative effort, Hiccup distracting the mother and applying the bandages, while Astrid and the twins kept the babies under control, and Snotlout and Fishlegs stitched her side closed.
“Well, that could have gone worse, I guess.” Fishlegs eyed the dressings critically, inspecting for weaknesses, “Although I still don’t love the idea of her having to look after those babies while she heals- these stitches could come out if she agitates them.”
Snotlout’s face twisted at his words, turning to Fishlegs “Are you doubting my stitching skills? I didn’t hear you whining last week, when I fixed the hole in your saddle bag!”
Deciding this wasn’t an argument worth his energy, Hiccup sighed and turned to address the next problem- Fishlegs and Snotlout could sort themselves out.
He looked down over the small crowd of Nadder hatchlings.
They were an excitable bunch, all baby dragons were, jumping over each other, play fighting, and vying for their mother’s attention. Even for a healthy dragon, it would be a lot to handle- the month after Snoggletog was proof enough of this, Hiccup had become something of an impromptu baby-dragon-sitter over the years, Stoick resigned to the fact he wouldn’t see much of his son when the dragons returned from Crescent Island.
To a Nadder with stitches in her side and a tear in her wing, hatchlings were a risk Hiccup wasn’t willing to chance unsupervised.
“Okay, hatchling plan.” The other Riders turned to face him, faces expectant, “No way Friggawing here is fit to handle five babies on her own-”
(Tuffnut raised one Nadder-teethed hand, “Since when did we name her-”)
“So, we’re gonna do it for her! We’ll set up a temporary hatchery inside the Dome where they can stay until Mom’s feeling better, we’ll rotate the dragon-sitting just like we rotate being on watch duty. It’ll take some adjusting, less training and exploring for the next couple of weeks, but I’m sure we’ll be able to manage.”
“I don’t know, Hiccup. I love baby dragons just as much as the next person, especially Nadders, but we’re tired enough as it is- this is a whole other responsibility.” Astrid was torn, one one hand she knew they couldn’t leave the Mother dragon alone, but they had enough on their plate as it was. She had to be the voice of reason here, for as long as Hiccup’s dragon-loving, bleeding heart was clouding his judgement.
And yet, she was still outnumbered.
“C’mon Astrid, you’re gonna turn a bunch of baby dragons away? You’d be that heartless?”
Astrid rolled her eyes at Snotlout’s accusation, “You just want an excuse to get out of training.”
Snotlout didn’t even try to deny it, “It’s called being thoughtful, y’know, because that’s what I am. Looking after these sweet baby- HEY! WATCH IT!”
A stray spine went flying past his ear, sticking into the wall behind him. The babies continued to chitter and run around, all of a sudden slightly less cute.
“You know what Hiccup? Astrid has a point, I think Mama’s got it from here.”
Hiccup rolled his eyes, crouching down as the babies came running for him, “You know she doesn’t. Look- they’re just excitable, and still learning! Just play with them, give them food and attention, and before we know it they’ll all be ready to be returned to their island.”
Ruffnut rolled her eyes, “Easy enough for you to say.”
Although they’d never voice it aloud, the Rider’s couldn’t help but feel Ruffnut’s words rang more true than Hiccup realised. Dragon care and training always came so easily to him, it was like he forgot that it wasn’t the same for everybody else.
“Hey, we’ve looked after baby dragons loads of times before, we’ll manage this one just fine too.” Hiccup pushed back with his usual blatant optimism, and that was that.
The Riders were many things, but immune to the wide, pleading eyes of baby dragons was not one of them.
It took a few days for the gang to adapt to their new responsibilities. Five babies meant at least two people watching them at all times, luckily the babies could keep each other occupied most of the time, but that didn’t mean the gang weren’t completely exhausted after each ‘shift’.
In the end, sacrifices had to be made. Training had been all but cut out, along with plans to continue fortifying the Edge, the patrols stayed but shifts didn’t last as long now- if you ignored the babysitting of an entire clutch of Nadders, it would’ve felt almost like a holiday.
Except it wasn’t even close to a relaxing break.
Snotlout groaned, adding yet another bucket to a growing empty pile in the corner of the clubhouse. “Y’know, I’m wondering if Friggawing got hurt on purpose so she didn’t have to look after these demons. Think the Hunter’s have a spare arrow they could run me through with?”
“Don’t tempt me.” Astrid’s snarky comment was closely matched by Hiccup, who was busy distracting the babies with a reflecting light.
“Come on Snotlout, they’re babies, they’re going to be a bit rowdy. We’ve dealt with this plenty of times.”
“ A bit ? Hiccup, we’ve put out more fires since they got here than the twins have started all month,” For good measure, Snotlout kicked a stray bucket, “This is way worse than Snoggletog- besides, have you forgotten that normally we have the Mama dragon there to help?”
“We’ve got Hiccup, what’s the difference?”
Hiccup rolled his eyes, but didn’t let his attention stray from the babies running after the light, “Funny, Astrid.”
As they sat and watched the baby dragons, Astrid couldn’t help but privately agree with Snotlout. Sure, they’d had their fair share of babysitting hatchlings, but this clutch was larger than they were used to, nearly outnumbering the riders, which meant they were harder to control. Sure, they were used to managing hatchlings and the chaos they’d bring, but it wasn’t practical for so many of them to be so preoccupied.
Her train of thought was interrupted by the footfalls of Fishlegs and the Twins, back from surveillance.
Fishlegs raised an eyebrow at the pile of buckets in the corner, “We were gone for two hours at best.”
“Yeah, well, this flock have more energy than a Speed Stinger with Eelpox.” Astrid sighed, taking the mirror from Hiccup as he stood up.
“Right, before the next patrol leaves I’m going to get some more water,” He cast a careful eye at the hatchlings, who’ve taken to blasting the spot of light instead of chasing it, “Something tells me we’re gonna need it.”
The babies, too preoccupied with the light, don’t notice Hiccup’s absence.
Or, so they’d assumed. A small, alarmed squawk makes Hiccup pause in his tracks, looking down in the direction of the sound.
It was the small hatchling, the one who had been hiding when they’d found the nest. Completely uninterested in the game his siblings were playing with the light, he’d noticed the second Hiccup got up to leave.
Hiccup scooped him up with both hands, walking to the isolated box the baby had been so taken with, cooing all the while. Taking the hint, the baby hopped down and scurried into the safety of a corner as Hiccup turned to leave once again- this time, casting one reluctant look the baby’s way before he left.
Snotlout cast one arm in the direction of the box, uncaringly, “See, if his siblings could be more like that, this would be way easier.”
“I don’t know, it’s not exactly normal hatchling behaviour.” Fishlegs frowned, gazing between the solitary baby and his rowdy siblings.
Over the days the hatchlings had been on the island, they’d come to find the contrast was striking, in more ways than just visual. The tiny hatching wasn’t just small, he was outright meek , in a way they’d never seen a dragon behave- much less a baby. And it seemed they weren’t the only ones who’d noticed- his siblings constantly picking on him and pinching at his wings, the only break the baby seemed to get was when his clutch were kind enough to outright ignore him.
At Fishlegs’ words, Snotlout seemed to give the box a second glance, “I guess it is pretty weird. Aren’t siblings supposed to get along?”
Ruffnut and Tuffnut opened their mouths, but were beaten to it by Fishlegs, who sounded hesitant.
“Normally, sure, dragon clutches are renowned for being close-knit but I guess….I mean…he is small and, in nature, the small ones- the weak ones- well, they don’t tend to…make it.”
At the grim words, the others looked notably more concerned, “What? What do you mean, what about the mom? They’d not just let their baby die?” Ruffnut fumbled over the last word, unconfident in its implications.
Fishlegs looked pained, “It’s not that simple. In harsh conditions, limited resources, their attention- their food and affection, it goes to the ones they think are most likely to make it. They just tend to….ignore any small- weak, er, tiny ones.”
He keeps fumbling over that description. Like there’s a more fitting word that’s supposed to sit there, and his brain just won’t remember it.
“They normally don’t even make it through the first winter. I guess his family’s just….given up on him already.” Fishlegs is resigned, as he looks over at the box hiding the tiny Nadder, “That’s the risk of big clutch sizes too, it increases the chances of having a tiny one, or an- uh, weak hatchling? There’s a name for those types of births but I can’t-”
Astrid drops the mirror, and doesn’t even hear as it shatters on the ground at her feet.
“A hiccup.”
She feels everyone’s attention on her, but Astrid’s eyes are locked on that box in the corner, where the runt of the litter hides from his clutchmates.
“That’s what the name is, for those types of births, isn’t it. A Hiccup.”
They regretted even bringing it up in the first place, because now they’d connected the dots, it was impossible to unsee.
Every time the other hatchlings pushed him about, stealing his food and snapping at his tail, the little hiccup (oh they wish they could stop calling him by that name) never even tried to fight back. Instead, he kept to himself, not even looking for help from the supervising humans and other dragons. It was like he’d accepted the fate his clutch already decided on.
What the riders happily would have written off as ‘easy to manage baby dragon’ behaviour a few days ago, just felt like their worst fears laid bare now.
It was all too late now, the floodgates were open.
Hiccup, their Hiccup, at least seemed oblivious to his best friends’ inner turmoil. Or, what was probably more likely with Hiccup, was just that he was too exhausted to notice the intense gaze of everyone resting on him, and the little hiccup in his lap.
Which was a whole other complication to deal with, this attachment . Sure, all dragons- hatchlings included- developed some special sort of attachment for Hiccup that you never really saw with any other human, but Hiccup was always so great about impartiality. He shared his affections as he did everything else, equally.
So the realisation that Hiccup was giving the tiny runt of the babies special attention hit a lot harder than expected.
It was doubtful Hiccup was even aware he was doing it, the way he’d sneak the hiccup scraps and carry it back to its isolation box, instead of encouraging the dragon to play with his siblings. How his gaze was always drawn to that dark corner where the baby hid, and seemed hesitant to leave it alone.
The eyes though. Those pretty, expressive eyes that Hiccup was never able to hide behind- those were the worst.
Or more, the way Hiccup watched the hiccup with such sad eyes, was the worst.
Dinnertime in the Clubhouse, as they all kept a close eye on the hatchlings close by.
One, two, three, four, baby dragons hunkered down over a small pile of fish. Vocalising at one another, playing with their food, oblivious to the world around them.
One baby dragon, curled up under an abandoned table. Eyes on his siblings, or more importantly, the food they were sharing, but he made no move to join them.
The rhythmic clicking of familiar footfalls distracts them from their dragon-watching, as Hiccup joins the group. Plate uncharacteristically full, he pauses by the stray table and crouches down, pulling some fish- perch- from his plate, letting it land in front of the hatchling, walking off without another word. He slips into place beside Fishlegs, a cheerful greeting on his lips, before he begins chatting about the Mother Nadder still in the Stables..
Astrid frowned, staring at his plate. Hiccup didn’t even like perch, so why would he add it to his plate in the first place?
Her gaze strayed back to the little hiccup, who had dragged the fish under the table and away from the eyeline of his siblings, happily feasting on his meal.
From the corner of her eye, Astrid sees Snotlout push away his nearly-full plate.
There were other things too. Things that weren’t all bad, that felt bittersweet, but it was the most positive the gang had been feeling around the little hiccup since that conversation a week ago.
The tiny baby was clever . Where he wasn’t always able to get meals, or water, or a fair share of anything really, there were moments when he’d spotted little loopholes that had Fishlegs humming from excitement.
While his siblings excelled at hunting, using their superior strength over their ‘prey’ to their advantage, the little hiccup was stealthy, speedy. Using his spines to create ladders against walls and furnishings (those were indents that they’d never get rid of), catching prey from above or luring them into a corner.
“He’s adapting,” Fishlegs had noted one day, as he and the twins were on watch duty, “It’s amazing! I’ve heard of it happening, in the wild, where the ru- the hic- hiccups, where they’re able to survive through compensatory behaviours, but it’s so rare .”
They watch the hiccup drag his prize into a secluded corner, hidden from prying eyes of the humans or his hatchling siblings, a meal earnt through stealth and cleverness. A hatchling feeding himself, well before a dragon his age is normally ever able to.
Unable to stop himself, Fishlegs’ eyes catch on the bowl of berries he and the twins were sharing- ones Hiccup had found when they first arrived on the Edge. He’d always been good at that, knowing which berries and barks were edible- just another Hiccup skill nobody had thought twice about before. It had been so easy to assume he was naturally good at everything, so much more simple to not think twice- before now. Fishlegs rolled a stray berry between his fingers, suddenly melancholic.
“I suppose he doesn’t really have a choice though, huh?”
Unable to shake the ghost of Hiccup that hung in the little hiccup’s shadow, the rest of the riders supposed they could admit- if only to themselves- that maybe they were projecting just a bit too much.
It was hardly like they could stop it, even if they wanted to (and Odin did they want to)- the only saving grace was that running after a bunch of baby nadders all day could tire a team out, leaving no time for ruminating or moping.
Especially not when they were finally having some group time- something they’ve hardly had since the rescue mission, even shared dinnertime in the clubhouse had become a luxury in the past couple of weeks.
So maybe someone should be patrolling the island right now, or getting some more food for the hatchlings, but if instead they all wanted to catch-up in the dome, while the baby nadders made chaos around them, then so be it.
They fell into a comfortable silence, each lost in the familiarity of one another’s company enough to not need words, not waste the energy- not when they still had the dragons to be keeping an eye on.
Not that it took too much focus by now, the routine of the babies a familiar one, even with the added complication that they could now fly (Hiccup swore it was a good idea to teach them at the time)- the small fires and stray spine shots weren’t alarming any more.
Then again, their complacency did leave more room for errant thoughts to run amok, unhelped by the presence of their leader curled up with his journal, and the baby hiccup hovering on an overhead ledge to the side, entertaining himself with a stray scrap of leather.
He did that a lot, the baby hiccup, hanging back from his siblings, playing by himself. It would be endearing if it wasn’t so completely sad , and if it wasn’t so gut wrenchingly familiar .
It brought up more memories than were comfortable, memories without Hiccup- when he should have been there.
Snoggletog celebrations, village festivals and even the things as casual as mealtimes in the Great Hall, all of them marked by one glaring detail- Hiccup’s absence. The spot at their table they’d never considered empty until after the days of the Red Death, when they’d fit around him so easily it was easy for the group to ignore how things had once been.
Even when Hiccup had shown up in the village, it was never close by. Always with the walls of the forge between him and the village, always sat at the farthest table in the darkest corner of the hall, always several paces between him and the other kids his own age whenever they were forced to spend time together.
Had it always been that way? It was hard to know. Memories of time spent with Hiccup were countless to choose from, and all happy- but only featuring a Hiccup with one leg, and his dragon best friend at his side.
But the idea of Hiccup, their Hiccup, with a heart of gold and a willingness to help anybody, regardless of their history- being alone for so long? A person that good, that brilliant, didn’t deserve to be isolated and cast aside. There had to be some memory, at some point in their entire lives sharing a village with Hiccup before dragons, that they had spent time together, even-
A terrified squawk broke through the silence.
Six heads snapped to face the direction of the cry, just several paces from where Hiccup was sitting, taking in the scene of the four- no, five baby nadders.
At some point, the little hiccup’s scrap leather had fallen off the side of his ledge, and hopping down to retrieve it had caught the attention of his siblings.
It wasn’t quite an attack, but it certainly wasn’t play-fighting, the way the four hatchlings were ganging up on their runt sibling. Two of them had made off with the makeshift toy, tugging the band of leather between them- the hiccup, to his credit, had tried to get it back- or even, play along, but that’s where it all went wrong.
The other hatchings had started pushing the hiccup aside, biting at his wings when he tried to get close, swatting him with their tails. It wasn’t play, they were hurting him.
The observing riders didn’t hesitate.
“Hey!” With a chorus of scolding words, that maybe teetered slightly on the scared tone, they hailed down upon the group, rushing to separate them. Snotlout scooped the crooning runt into his arms, murmuring reassurances he’d never admit to later on.
In their haste, none of the group had noticed Hiccup, still sat in position, frozen in place and staring into the spot the fighting hatchings had been, grip on his coal pen uncharacteristically tight.
“He’s okay, he’s okay.” Delicately as he could, Snotlout settled the hiccup back on his ledge, petting his reassuringly, “What was that?”
“Beats me, one minute they’re fine and the next,” Ruffnut shuddered, looking down at the baby Nadder she’s just retrieved, who crooned at her playfully, wagging its tail, “Oh don’t give me that look, I know what you just did mister-”
Everyone seemed hesitant to move from their position, to leave their respective dragon alone, eyeing each other carefully.
Shuffling drew their gaze away, all attention now on Hiccup, making his way towards the exit, gaze determinedly not on any of them.
“I, uh, I-I forgot to check- I mean, change, Friggawing’s bandages, I’ll-er- just keep an eye on the babies while I’m gone- away.”
He left before any of them could respond, not even sparing a look for the little hiccup in the corner, which he always did.
“....That was weird, right?” Tuffnut frowned, looking still at where Hiccup had just left them.
Astrid nodded, her stomach suddenly feeling lined with lead. “Yeah. Hiccup never forgets to check on an injured dragon.”
The way he’d ducked his head, walking fast and not looking any of them in the eye. Shoulders drawn in close, looking as unassuming as possible as he made a hasty escape.
It felt like looking at the Hiccup they were so determined to forget.
The next few days pass by in a blur. Since the ‘incident’, as the gang have taken to calling it, nobody was too eager to leave the hatchlings on their own, and had taken to voluntary night shifts too.
Well, everyone except Hiccup, who seemed positively uncomfortable around the hatchings now- or, maybe it was just the little hiccup. Ruffnut swears she saw him look away from the crooning baby Nadder the other morning, but nobody would believe he’d do something so un-Hiccupy.
Then again, it hardly felt like they’d seen Hiccup since ‘the incident’. When he wasn’t in the stables tending to Mother Nadder, he was patrolling the island or working in his hut- the only times anyone had seen him were when he was on babysitter duty, and even then he seemed….distant. Still so warm and playful with the hatchlings, but then he turned to face the others and couldn’t quite meet their eyes.
Or, maybe it was them who couldn’t meet Hiccup’s eye. It was hard to tell at the minute, and nobody had the time to really think twice about anything.
Until Hiccup bounds into the Dome one morning with a wide smile on his face, Fishlegs following close behind. Hiccup gives his full affection to the hatchlings who flocked around his feet, second-nature by now, as he addresses the group.
“Great news, gang! Friggawing is all healed up now and good to fly,” He glances up at them, meeting their gaze for what they now know is the first time in days, “Get your dragons, these guys have been away from home for so long now- it’s about time they get back.”
It was with a heavy heart they all stood on the landing strip by the Stables, watching the hatchlings flock to their Mom- a family reunited.
Their gaze caught on a sole figure several paces away from the happy reunion. The little hiccup watched his family reunite, wiggling happily from foot to foot, but hesitant to get any closer.
The group turned to their bleeding-heart Leader, but didn’t expect to already see him mounted up on Toothless, ready to go.
“Alright gang, we’ll fly in a herding formation- the babies have never flown this far before, so remember what we said about spotting them?” Slowly, they headed to their dragons as Hiccup rattled on, oblivious to their turmoil, “Snotlout, you and Hookfang stay close to Friggawng, her injuries are healed but I’m not too sure about her stamina right now.” With that, Hiccup takes his position at the side- notably, the opposite one from the little hiccup- and gestures to the family of Nadders, their full attention on him.
Fishlegs catches Astrid’s eye, they share a moment of hesitation, of wanting to say something, before deciding against it. Snotlout and the Twins follow their lead, all of them taking positions around the family they’d cared for the past few weeks.
Hiccup smiles at Friggawing, and makes a beckoning arm at the open air, “Whenever you’re ready.”
With a happy croon, she bats her wings and takes flight, her babies close behind.
The island was just the same as they had left it, hunter free and sunny- as if welcoming them back.
Fortunately, Friggawing remembered the location of her makeshift nest, and led them all there with ease. As she and her hatchlings entered, the Riders hung back, remaining mounted at the mouth of the Cave, and watched them go.
The family had only taken several paces when they stopped, turning around to look at the riders. The hatchlings began squawking incessantly, their mother looking right at Hiccup and Toothless, she crooned inquisitively.
Hiccup smiled at her, reassuring, “This is your home, not ours. Go, you know where to find us if you need babysitters again.” To his left, the twins sniffled lightly, but otherwise nobody said anything as the Mother watched them all, bowing her head deeply, before turning to her babies, ushering them inside the cave before they got wind of what was going on.
“Come on gang, Mama’s got this from here, we should head back.” With a bat of his wings, Toothless and Hiccup were airborne, heading away from the island. Hiccup smiled, as he reached down and patted Toothless’ side, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “Well, I think we’re qualified dragon-sitters now, what say you guys?” Hiccup looked around, seeing he and Toothless were alone in the sky “....Guys?”
Toothless turned mid flight, hovering as they faced back to the island. The others were exactly where Hiccup left them, mounted on their dragons, and looking into the mouth of the cave. Toothless didn’t need the prompting, as they flew in closer, hovering over the others.
“Um, did you guys hear me? It’s time to go, we really shouldn’t hang about.”
Astrid tore her gaze away from the cave’s entrance, where the little hiccup was slowly creeping forward, paces behind the rest of his family, and walking away from the only protection and support he’d known.
“Hiccup, are you sure this is for the best?” At Astrid’s words, the others also looked up at Hiccup, mirrors of her torn expression.
Hiccup frowned, “What, returning a family to their island and letting them live freely here? Of course it is, how many times have we done this now- rehabilitating injured dragons- you guys have never had a problem with it before.”
Ruffnut threw her arms out, gesturing blindly to the cave, “We’ve never done this with babies before- we can’t just leave them!”
Hiccup had the audacity to sigh , like this was just another eccentricity he had to explain to them. “Why not?” Everyone’s responses fired off at once, overlapping each other.
“Why not?! Hiccup, what about that baby, that little hiccup- he’s all alone!”
“Come on, you saw that attack the other day- what if it happens again?”
“We can’t just leave that baby, he’s only got us!”
Astrid’s voice cut through the noise, “Hiccup, the youngest one will never make it with his flock,” She could hear the edgings of a plea in her voice, but couldn’t find it in herself to care, “How can you be okay with this?”
Hiccup’s gaze flickers from his friends to the mouth of the cave, and for a moment they hope Hiccup’s come to his senses, but instead his shoulders tighten as he faces them all, resolute.
“He needs to be with his own kind, it’s not healthy for him to be clinging to us all the time.” He carries on, likely sensing a snarky comment from Snotlout about the ‘healthiness’ of having your own siblings attack you, “Besides, this is nature, it happens all the time and it’s not our place to interfere. Either he’s going to adapt, or he’s going to die, and that’s the end of it.” Toothless turns in the air, facing back in the direction of Dragon’s Edge, Hiccup looks at them all over his shoulder, “If he can’t make it alone, then that’s on him. Now come on.”
Taken aback by the unexpected brashness, none of the other riders could find it in themselves to protest as their dragons took flight from the island, following Toothless.
Nobody offered up any argument, even as they couldn’t help but glance back at the island they were leaving behind- once Hiccup made up his mind, there was no changing it.
There was the matter of Hiccup’s uncharacteristic harsh tone, but Hiccup could get snippy when he was tired, and it had been a long couple of weeks. Frankly, the gang were happy to enjoy a flight without the stress of baby dragons for once, and if they took the chance to have a race back to the edge, to let off a bit of steam, then who could blame them?
If they could pretend, for just a little while, that they’d left all their feelings and resurfaced memories from the past few weeks back on that island with the hiccup and his family, then nobody could blame them for that either.
No one could remember a time when the Clubhouse was so quiet, not even before the invasion of a clutch of Deadly Nadder hatchlings, but everyone was too tired to try and think back so far.
“Anybody else feel like the entire couple of weeks is only just catching up with them?” Fishlegs murmured, slowly drawing another spoonful of dinner toward his mouth.
“I feel like those demon hatchlings have trampled all over my body.” Snotlout whined, flexing his shoulders.
At this, Astrid still found the energy to grin, “They did trample all over your body. Twice.”
The twins groaned, “Why weren’t we there for that?”
“Missed opportunity.”
“Yeah, well, it feels like they’re still doing that. So shut up, Astrid.” The clinking of cutlery echoed as Snotlout dropped his utensils back in the empty bowl, pushing it away, “I’m not sure if I’m grateful for that flight back, or hate us for it.”
Hiccup winced as he stood from where he’d been sat leaning against Toothless’ side. He’d been doing that a lot lately, not sitting with them at their table, “Yep, I think I have to agree with you there. We’ll be feeling that one in the morning,” At his own words, Hiccup seemed to startle slightly, “Actually, speaking of, we should really get some rest. We’ve got a lot of work to catch up on tomorrow, and a lot of rest to catch up on tonight.”
Groans all around, with the exception of Astrid, who’d been eyeing the fortifications by the beach a little too closely for anyone’s liking recently.
“Let the records show, I think we should take it easy tomorrow. Y’know, dragonsitting, it’s basically training anyway.” Tuffnut scoffed, as they all rose to head back to their huts.
Hiccup’s lip quirked, amused, “I’ll keep that in mind. Now come on, I’ll see everyone bright and early tomorrow, so don’t stay up too late.”
Snotlout rolled his eyes, “Hiccup, Odin himself couldn’t keep me from my bed right now.”
Over the recent years, after everything they’ve been through together, the gang had become no stranger to the occasional nightmare. A few weeks after the war with the Berserkers, Gothi had explained to them how dreams were the only time you couldn’t fight off the bad thoughts, the haunting memories or crippling fears- with time, they got used to the odd terror every so often, had their ways of coping with it.
Or, they thought they had.
With no baby dragons to worry about, or pressure to take over a night watch, weeks’ worth of worries and repressed memories took their chance.
Vague recollections became disturbingly detailed in the realm of sleep, filled with memories of a much smaller Hiccup, those expressive eyes filled with hurt and tears , who flinched away from the only others kids his age in the village, the ridicule of the village, the embarrassment of the Chief.
Memories of their laughter and entertainment at his fear, the cruel comfort of exerting their strength over the runt of the lot.
Scenes of the hatchlings changed, replaced by images of themselves in their place. With Hiccup, hiding in the shadows, alone in the outskirts as he didn’t even bother trying anymore to be with his peers.
And then, so like the hiccup that day in the dome, he’d make a mistake, cross their paths and draw their attention, and in the others would pounce, before he could make his getaway-
The scene smashed at their feet, a cry caught in the throat as they jolted upright. Awake, and feeling sick to their stomach at the nightmares. At the look in young Hiccup’s eye as he saw the others draw nearer, their new target identified. Suddenly, they knew why it was so easy to replace the hatchlings in their mind, to envision a young Hiccup, ready to bolt at the sight of the only kids his own age on the island.
Because they had seen that expression before.
Hiccup runs a hand over Toothless’ side absentmindedly, staring down at an assortment of papers as he waits in the Clubhouse.
“We’ve really got our work cut out for us, bud, who would’ve thought a couple of weeks of babysitting would set us this far back.” Toothless warbled in reply, “Yeah, we built the Edge in a matter of weeks, this should be a piece of cake by comparison.”
The shuffling of feet caused the pair to perk up slightly, as Hiccup set his papers down, turning to face the entrance, “Well, look who actually made it on time this morn- argh! What happened to you guys?....er, not to be, rude, or anything.”
Circles under their eyes darker than Hiccup remembers ever seeing them, with raggled hair and drowsy eyes to match. This is not what he’d envisioned when he sent everyone to get an early night.
“Nothing, I’m fine, we’re fine-” Hiccup ignored Astrid’s reassurances, his expression crinkled with worry as he took in the blatant exhaustion written on his teams’ faces, the way their gaze seemed stubbornly fixed on the floor.
He took his papers and set them in Toothless’ saddlebag, his mind made up.
“Come on, you guys are in no fit condition to get work done today,” His voice was soft as he addressed them, filled with care and concern they knew they did not deserve, why are you like this Hiccup- “Toothless and I have got it today, everyone take the day off. Rest. I shouldn’t have pushed you right into work after the past few weeks we’ve had.”
Again, he left no room for arguments, taking to the skies before any of them could insist on helping out.
For a moment, they all stood there, at the front of the Clubhouse, unsure of where to go next. Returning to their huts was out of the question, and Hiccup would scold them if he spotted them out for a flight- and their dragons would always listen to him anyway- but the thought of even trying to get any rest was more scary than any level of Hiccup disappointment right now-
Surprisingly, it’s Snotlout who breaks the silence. He looks arguably the worst of all of them, and can’t meet their gaze as he picks at the scales on his shirt, voice meek and hesitant and so unlike Snotlout.
“Do you guys ever think about how we used to treat Hiccup, before the dragons?”
The question strikes through them all like a bolt of lightning, bringing up the topic they’d been desperately repressing for so long.
Fishlegs took once glance behind them, at the black spec in the distance, before turning back around. His posture loosened slightly, like a weight was finally taken from his shoulders, “Yeah, I can’t stop thinking about it. Ever since we rescued that clutch of Nadders…”
“...So, he reminded you guys of Hiccup too?” Astrid’s voice was quiet, as she paced deeper into the Clubhouse. The others followed, taking seats in the shadowed part of the room, still not quite able to meet each other’s gaze.
“I didn’t…connect the dots at first. But then you’d called it, called it a hiccup and-”
Tuffnut picked up where his sister faltered, “And it was so obvious after that, I can’t believe we missed it.”
Astrid shakes her head, “I can. It’s not exactly like people still treat him like-” Her gaze catches on a nearby table, one the little hiccup used to use as a hiding ledge, “Like that . I just….how could we forget? I keep asking myself that question, how?”
“I don’t think we forgot.” Fishlegs’ voice was low, equally as desperate, “I think we just….repressed it. It was easier, if we just didn’t acknowledge it happened, if we’d never-”
“We don’t deserve easy. None of us do.” Snotlout cut though his murmurs, fist clenched tight at his side, “We treated him- I treated him, like, like an outcast. Worse . He’s my cousin and I-” His voice hitched, and Astrid heard a dull thud, as though something had just been hit. She didn’t turn to look.
“I don’t get how he can even stand to be in the same room with us, after what we did.” Ruffnut eyes Hiccup’s seat at their table, where they’d all sit so huddled together and happy, “Instead, he trusts us, and believes in us, and always helps us out when we wouldn’t even let him be near us as kids, why is he so nice?”
Astrid remembers the little hiccup- and oh gods could her mind stop with the parallels already- she remembers how readily he’d accepted their friendship, much faster than his siblings. How he’d latched onto Hiccup- the epitome of kindness- nearly instantly. Her heart broke.
“I suppose, when you’ve been so- so alone for so long, you’ll take any friendship you can.” Fishlegs looked away, towards the entrance, “Sometimes I wonder why he didn’t leave with Toothless, forget about us all.”
“He nearly did.” The confession felt like fire on her tongue. It was something Astrid has never talked about, not even to Hiccup. “The day before the final task, I-I stalked him to the Cove, I wanted to know how he kept winning and when he arrived, he had a bag packed- like he was already prepared for it, and was talking about leaving…forever.”
The words hung heavy between them all. Berk without Hiccup, life without Hiccup. The fact they’d come so close to losing him forever, if it hadn’t been for the Red Death….
“He- he only stayed for the dragons. Right?” Tuffnut had abandoned the hair he’d been toying with between his hands, suddenly devoid of the energy even for that.
“I don’t….I mean….Probably.” Astrid sighed, she always tried so hard not to think about that. About if Hiccup were ever asked to choose between Vikings or Dragons….”I don’t think we can blame him, either.”
“Do you think he’d be happier, if he’d left?” Ruffnut’s question struck them hard. To think of a version of Hiccup, completely free to spread his wings, to explore and fly wherever he pleases….But who’d left his village behind. Who was the only of his species, surrounded by dragons.
He needs to be with his own kind. It’s not healthy for him to be clinging to us all the time.
“I don’t know but….he’d never feel entirely content. I know that much.” Born with the weight of the world on his too-small shoulders, he’d still found a way to carry that burden, to accept it regardless of the barriers in his way.
Tuffnut picked something up from the ground, a few paces from where he sat. A nadder spine, one of the little hiccup’s- if the nearby indent on the wall was anything to go by. Remnants of his makeshift ladder, when flying was simply too difficult.
“It was weird, right? How…similar they were?” Nobody asked for clarification, they didn’t need it.
“At first I thought I was just overreacting, but looking back…” Fishlegs looked down, his gaze far away, “I never really thought about how Hiccup got by, you know? Stoick was busy being Chief, and it’s not like there was anyone else at home to feed Hiccup or make his meals,” And he was never in the Meade Hall, “But then, when I saw that baby dragon just watching and scavenging scraps…Hiccup’s always been really good at that stuff. Knowing what’s edible from what’s not, I used to think he’d just studied it somewhere.”
Snotlout’s gaze was fixed on that shelf, the one always used by the hiccup to watch his siblings, “Remember when we were kids, and we had to take those classes on weapons and raids and stuff? And Hiccup always used to sit near some sort of ledge or whatever away from us,” The image painted itself clearly in their minds, he was one of the only ones who paid attention, had a journal and coal with him, even then. It had felt like such a show-off, how he already knew how to read and write….
When they clearly weren’t getting his point, Snotlout pressed on, “I didn’t realise until I saw him hiding on those shelves but, I don’t know- I- it just reminded me of Hiccup and all I’ve been able to think about since is that Hiccup was always trying to stay away from us, to keep himself safe -” Again, Snotlout’s voice broke off, choking on his emotions.
Ice pooled in everyone’s stomachs at the parallel. Hesitant, wary eyes watching the group of rowdy peers with longing to join in-
“He, wait, guys , Hiccup- Hiccup still does that now.” The words tumbled out of Ruffnut’s mouth before she could help it. “Not-not so obvious , but he never sits in the middle if he gets to choose, and he gets so uncomfortable around big crowds back on Berk.”
“And he never goes to anyone for help, or support- remember that time he tried to walk off his broken ribs? He wouldn’t even let Stoick get close-” The conversation spiralled faster than any of them could control, worst fears intermingled dangerously with sleep deprivation-induced speculation.
They’d known Hiccup for so long- except they hadn’t . They’d only started hanging out as a group a few years ago. What if the behaviours Hiccup showed around them, his personality and Hiccup-isms, how much of Hiccup was just a reaction to them, how much of Hiccup did they really know?
She froze.
“No, no, no, remember what Hiccup said yesterday? When we were leaving the island?”
The realisation slaps them in the face, an echo of Hiccup’s words as he talked about the baby dragon, cold and unnecessarily harsh- unless it wasn’t the dragon he was talking about.
‘If the baby can’t make it alone, then that’s on him.’
“That’s crazy , Hiccup would never…he’d never…”
Astrid cradled her head in her hands, “Blame himself? Shoulder impossible expectations on his shoulders? Go it alone out of sheer stubbornness and belief he has no other choice?” Their stomachs churned at the thought of a young Hiccup, hating every aspect about the person they’d all come to love so much. Looking in his reflection, and desperate to see anything else.
“How could we all be so stupid , he almost killed himself trying to prove himself after that ridiculous portrait years ago and we never even connected the dots!” Tears burned behind Snotlout’s eyes, he blinked them back furiously, “All the signs were right there in front of us all these years, and we ignored it!”
A pause, before Ruffnut’s voice cut through the silence. She spoke close to a whisper, as if afraid of the answer she already knew was coming, “Did we ever…apologise to Hiccup?” Another pause. “Did anyone ?”
Everyone eyes each other fleetingly, seeing only a mirror of their own guilt staring back at them.
“Oh gods .” Astrid’s hands fell to her mouth.
“Nobody ever apologised, Hiccup probably doesn’t even realise we were in the wrong oh gods this isn’t happening.” Fishlegs began tugging at the ends of his hair, stress evident on his face.
Three years. Three whole years since Hiccup, and the Dragons, and the Red Death, and not once had Hiccup been given an apology for everything Berk put him through, he never ever got a shred of remorse or an indication he didn’t deserve any of it.
And yet still, there he was. Running himself ragged over a people who once didn’t give that small child with the crying eyes and skinny frame a second glance.
A chair scraped uncomfortably against wooden floors, Snotlout pacing forward, “I’m telling him, we’re telling him. Tonight. It’s the least we owe him.”
His resolve bleeds through to the others, grim determination settling atop the churning of guilt.
“Hiccup, he needs to hear it,” Snotlout finally lifted his gaze, red-rimmed eyes catching sight of the flying duo in the distance, “He deserves to hear it.”
Hiccup eyes his friends dubiously, but doesn’t say anything if he’s noticed a change in their demeanour (which he definitely has, it’s like he has a sixth sense for these things), instead he’s happy to ramble on about his plans for around the Edge, Toothless faithfully at his side.
“Then, there’s the issue of our fire-prevention water supply, that definitely needs a refill, who knew a few hatchlings could cause so much fire.”
Everyone else threw a knowing look Astrid’s way, but were smart enough not to comment further.
“Also, there’s some sketchy looking ships on the horizon, Toothless and I didn’t get a closer look, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were Hunter ships, we’ve been lax lately. We should check that out tomorrow, maybe once everyone’s better rested.” At this, Hiccup let himself inspect the welfare of the rest, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he took in their heavy eyes, and shifty hands.
“Y’know, when I said ‘get some rest’ I meant it, right?” With a sigh, he walked past them, towards their makeshift kitchen, “Go sit down, I’ve got dinner tonight.”
Despite the pits that had sat heavy in their stomachs all day, the other riders couldn’t help but perk up slightly at the offer. Hiccup was the best cook of their group, something they’d been surprised to find out from the son of a Chief- domestic work wasn’t exactly a skill those kinds of households needed to excel at, and yet there Hiccup was.
Then again, Stoick was no stranger to helping out around the village, it was only natural Hiccup was the same way. He’d perfected, if not improved, on a variety of dishes over the years- from broths to grilled fish dishes, all their favourites from back on Berk. Really, when you could make those meals so perfectly, who even needed to go to the Meade Hall…
Suddenly, they weren’t feeling so hungry.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t empty plates all around by the time they’d finished their meals. They ate in record time, finding food to be the easier alternative to trying to find a normal topic to talk about, one that had nothing to do with their youth, or Berk, or the baby dragons, or just about anything that didn’t remind them of the guilt thick in the air around them.
To his credit, Hiccup had tried to make conversation at first- normally happy to let the others take the reins- but seemed to have taken their quietness as a sign of tiredness, rather than upset, and was happy to finish their meals in relative peace. From the corner of her eye, she spotted Hiccup’s worried gaze on them when he thought they weren’t looking, but the empty plates seemed to at least reassure him of something, the worried crease in his brow lessening.
While Hiccup’s worries lessened, everyone else’s became only worse. With empty dishes and a stagnation in conversation, all that was left behind was the growing anticipation for what came next. How they would bring it up, what would they say -
“We got it!” The words came out in a rush, Ruffnut rushing forward to take the empty dishes out of Hiccup’s hands before he could lift another finger. Tuffnut took the cue, helping his sister take the rest of the plates to the bucket of soapy water in the corner, as everyone watched after them, frozen in shock.
When was the last time the twins voluntarily washed the dishes?
A blur of motion startled them, Hiccup shooting onto his feet, looking vaguely alarmed, “Alright that’s it, the tiredness has finally gotten to your heads, I’m calling it a night.”
Astrid and Fishlegs exchanged a look of panic, this is not how they’d expected the night to go. Behind them, they heard the clatter of a plate being dropped back into water.
The words left her mouth before she could even rise from her seat, “Hiccup, wait!” He paused in his steps, he and Toothless turning back around to face the group, head tilted, suddenly Astrid felt at a complete loss. “Can we all, er, talk first?”
Internally, she cringed at the vagueness of her words, even more so as a look of panic flashes over Hiccup’s features, before he nods in agreement and heads back into the clubhouse, eyeing the seat he just abandoned with hesitation.
The twins shuffle closer, dishes now abandoned to ‘soak’, and lean against a nearby wall. The others wiggle around in their seats, backs to the middle of the table as they curb the urge to fidget with loose threads on their clothes or seats. At the new composition, Hiccup seems to relax slightly, and moves towards the corner nearest the exit, Toothless close at his side.
He’s the first to break the silence. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Astrid pauses, unsure of where to start, there was so much to say, “We’ve been thinking, about how things were…y’know, before the dragons…”
The words tumble out of their mouths before they can stop them, voices overlapping in the desperation just for their words to be spoken-
“Hiccup, we’re so sorry!”
“We owe you can apology, how we used to treat you-”
“It was all our fault, what we used to do-”
“We can’t imagine what you went through-”
“Woah, woah, hold on you guys,” Hiccup raises his hand, slowing their rambles to a silence as he speaks, looking completely awkward and lost, “One at a time, someone explain what’s going on?”
Again, they let Astrid take the lead. “Hiccup, we owe you an apology- all of us do. Before now we’d never even considered- not that that’s an excuse because it isn’t - we’d never even thought about the way we used to treat you, what you went through before the dragons and the Red Death and-”
“O-oh. Oh . No- don’t even, I mean, that’s all water under the bridge, right?” Hiccup looked downright, completely uncomfortable. Suddenly looking anywhere but at his guilt-ridden best friends, his hands coming up to mess with the details of his armour absentmindedly. “We don’t have to- we can just forget about it right? We can just keep- ah, just , just just not talk about it.”
Whatever response they’d expected, it hadn’t been this- and maybe that was their mistake, letting Hiccup go too long clearly just accepting the way things had been. In his own twisted, fucked-up way Hiccup had come to terms with it, and what? He’d just assumed they had done the same?
Assumed they saw Hiccup, the way he clearly still saw himself?
“No.” His voice was a marked difference from the Snotlout earlier that day, haunted on the verge of tears. Now, Snotlout sounded angry , “No, we’re not gonna keep not talking about it, Hiccup!” His cousin winced at the sound of his own misspoken words being thrown back at him, “It was fucked up- we fucked up, the whole village did! We ignored you, and hurt you, and tormented you for years and you think that’s okay? Seriously? SAY SOMETHING!”
Tears shone again in Snotlout’s eyes, illuminated by the glare of the fire beside him, but unlike earlier he did nothing to hide his anguish. His eyes searched desperately to meet Hiccup’s, who now stared fixedly at the floor.
“I-No, it wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t , and besides we were only kids-”
“That doesn’t make it okay, Hiccup!” Snotlout snarled, expression contorted in self hate, “We knew better, and the rest of the village definitely knew better and we just- everyone, we treated you like dirt , how can you be okay with that?! You should be angry, you should hate us. You should hate us and have asked us why and yelled at us- WHY AREN’T YOU YELLING AT US?”
Finally, the dam broke, as tears started to roll thick and fast down Snotlout’s face. Hiccup crumbled with worry, but Tuffnut got to his side first, one arm slung reassuringly over Snotlout’s shoulders- being sure not to give Hiccup the chance. Having Hiccup’s comfort right now would only make matters worse.
Hiccup made to open his mouth again, to offer some reassurances and comfort that was built on a foundation of self hate and depreciation and they couldn’t stand to hear it any longer .
“He’s right.” Ruffnut cut in, “I tried for weeks to remember a happy memory from before, one where you were there and happy with us, and you know what I got? Nothing.” She spat out the word, like it was poison on her tongue. It may as well have been, “Don’t tell me that’s not that bad , or not a big deal or whatever apologetic shit you were gonna come out with next, because the only times I remember you being there and me being happy as I kid, we were tormenting you. So don’t -” A deep breath, “Don’t tell me that’s okay.”
Hiccup had his lip pulled between his teeth, shoulders strung tight with something nobody could quite identify, as he still refused to meet their gaze.
“It’s not- I mean, we were just kids- and I know you said that doesn’t make it okay - but-but it wasn’t just that. It was only natural…y’know? I mean we’re vikings and I couldn’t even lift a hammer or- or anything , so it’s natural you didn’t wanna hang out with me, not when I was so useless -”
The word hit like a lightning strike on metal. A nickname, a title long forgotten-
Useless .
Astrid had to swallow down the bile in her throat, how much of the childhood they’d forgotten did Hiccup still remember?
“But, you’re not , and you never were u- useless ,” The word tastes like acid on Fishlegs’ tongue, he wonders if that will ever go away now, “And even if you had been- that wouldn’t have made it okay!” He watches Hiccup scramble for a counter-argument, worrying at his lip being abandoned in favour of opening and closing his mouth, disagreement on the tip of his tongue.
Why won’t you just listen to us?
“You’re amazing, and you always have been, and we were idiots for never seeing that.” Astrid’s voice was imploring, desperate for Hiccup to see sense, “Your skill and creativity, those amazing inventions that not even Gobber can recreate- the way you try again and again, and never gave up on trying to help Berk- even though none of us deserved it-”
They didn’t deserve any of it. They didn’t deserve Hiccup, and his ceaseless, self-sacrificing kindness. They didn’t deserve his wonderful inventions, or his gentle leadership, or the dragons that they never would have met and made peace with if it wasn’t for Hiccup.
But this wasn’t about them, and their self pity. This conversation didn’t need any more self hatred and anger than was already there- it wasn’t going to help anyone, and it definitely wouldn’t help Hiccup.
Astrid took a deep breath and tried again.
“I get that a few words can’t take back years of awful, unfair treatment. And I get that this is hard for you, we’ve let you carry this pain for years without acknowledging it or apologising for how we acted,” A small frown formed on Hiccup’s face, “Because we should have apologised. You deserve to be treat better than that- you always have- and someone should have told you that before now. So please, just try to believe us when we say that we were wrong.”
Nobody spoke a word, letting Astrid’s words wash over Hiccup.
A deep sigh, his breath shuddered as he exhaled, one hand raised to gently stroke at Toothless’ side as he thought. Toothless crooned reassuringly, but otherwise let his best friend be, knowing he had all the support he needed right there.
Waiting for Hiccup’s reply felt like forever, hope fragile in the air between them.
Finally, his gaze lifted to meet his friends’ eyes, and their hearts almost broke to see them shiny with unshed tears- and yet, he looked more soothed than they’d seen him in weeks. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, after a lifetime of carrying it alone.
“I didn’t…I guess I never…I tried so hard to forget about it, about everything , like everybody else had. I could never decide if I preferred it that way or not, everyone just suddenly being nice to me, and talking to me, and wanting me there- wanting the hiccup there- like nothing had ever been any different.”
They couldn’t imagine how overwhelming that would have been, how painful or confusing to suddenly have an entire village- your entire village- treat you like a human, for the first time in your life.
“And everytime I thought about it, I just…it felt like such an overreaction.” Astrid bit her lip, fighting the urge to correct him. It wasn’t their place to interrupt, not right now. “I mean, everything turned out for the best. We live in peace with the dragons, and everybody on Berk is happy, we’re safe, it's just- I felt so sensitive and ridiculous.”
Another deep breath, it shuddered again as Hiccup exhaled, and she saw Fishlegs shuffle in his seat, clearly resisting the want to reach over and offer reassurance. Fortunately, Hiccup had Toothless, who pressed gently against his side.
“Hearing you guys talk about it, I don’t know, it makes everything so real , you know? Like, it actually had an impact and that it matters somehow and it doesn’t make sense, it-it shouldn’t make sense.” Hiccup raised one hand, tugging at the strands of his hair as he continued, “It’s over, it’s in the past, and everything’s okay now, I managed just fine-”
“Just fine?” Everyone’s heads snapped round to Snotlout, who’d stopped crying at some point in their conversation. Astrid scowled at him for interrupting, they were finally getting somewhere- “ Just fine ?” He’d dropped the anger now, leaving sorrow in its place. Whether it was for himself or Hiccup was anyone’s guess.
If he felt the same as Astrid, it was probably a mix of both.
“Hiccup, you couldn’t even look at us for the majority of this conversation. You still hide in the back of the Hall when we have parties on Berk, you insist on doing everything alone and you never let any of us in. We’re a team now, best friends, but sometimes, it’s like…it’s like you’re waiting for the second hit to come. Like you’re waiting for the day everyone turns on you again. That’s not ‘just fine’, Hiccup.”
Astrid tried not to look surprised, she hadn’t realised how much of Hiccup’s behaviour Snotlout kept an eye on, how much he thought about it. Clearly, neither had the others, if their not-subtle exchanges of raised eyebrows were anything to go by.
In fact, the only one who didn’t look surprised was Hiccup, who instead had merely ducked his head, either caught in a lie or only just learning about the extent those years had on him.
Snotlout rose from his seat, but didn’t make a move towards Hiccup. “And it’s…it’s okay that you’re not fine. You’re not alone..you’re not alone now. You’ve got us, you’ve always got us, and we’re here for you- no matter what.” Hiccup’s breath hitched, the shiny glaze of tears back in his eyes, “But you’ve got to talk to us too. And I know-I know we don’t deserve it, and that we’ve done nothing to earn that trust but please you need people to lean on. You deserve that.”
Hiccup’s whole frame froze, as though if he didn’t move it would stop the onslaught of raw emotion threatening to overtake him. Conflicting feelings of trust and run as his gaze flickered between his friends.
Toothless nudged at his arm, an encouraging croon spurred him to speak, his voice wobbly in a way they’d never heard from their stubbornly resolved leader.
“I-I guess I got so used to… used to being the Village Hiccup that I…maybe I let it affect me too much.” His gaze met that of his cousin, a single tear making its stubborn way past the barrier of Hiccup’s eye, “I’m trying, I promise I’m trying, but it’s just so hard to- to open up. To you guys, to anyone on Berk. I just….I don’t know what to do.”
From his place nearly wrapped around Hiccup, Toothless met Astrid’s gaze, and very intentionally straightened up, moving several paces back from his rider. It was as good an invitation as they could ever ask for.
“Well, you’re not gonna do it alone, that’s a promise.” Astrid took a step towards Hiccup, looking for any sign of hesitation or discomfort. When she didn’t see any, she rushed forward as fast as she could without alarming Hiccup, pulling him into a tight hug. Around her, the others followed suit.
She felt Hiccup rest against them, a weight shared evenly among them all.
“We’re gonna be there, every step of the way. We’ve got your back just like you’ve always had ours.” Someone’s hand comes up to ruffle Hiccup’s already mess of a head of hair, and she knows from the small puff of laughter that follows it was Snotlout.
Realistically, they know this isn’t the end of it. And things may never be completely ‘fixed’ between Hiccup and them, let alone the entirety of Berk, but this feels like a start, a step in the right direction.
If Hiccup is willing to lean on them just that bit more, to listen when they want to help, then maybe that will be enough.