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“Ed…” Stede’s hands shook from holding them up in the air. In front of him, Ed’s face was stained with sand and kohl, barely covering the dead look in his eyes, and his pistol was aimed right at Stede’s heart.
From above the sandy pit they were trapped in, Stede could see Izzy grinning, and he wished he could drop a piano on top of him with just his mind. Stede knew why he was so self-satisfied. It was the same reason Stede knew he wasn’t getting out of this alive.
This hoard of pirates Izzy had aligned with had captured them both during a spat, and after throwing the two of them down the hill and surrounding them at all sides, they made their demand clear: “Only one of you gets out alive.”
Stede never reached for the pistol that had been thrown down in front of him, some kind of pathetic attempt to make it a fair fight that Stede bluntly ignored. Instead, he started at Ed like he was the last thing he would ever see, because he probably was.
Ed looked so tired. His hair was ragged and matted, his clothes stained with dirt and wine, and his eyes… God, Stede would have given anything in the world to make him smile again, just for a moment. He’d been trying, trying so hard to make everything right, but Ed was as moored as an anchor in a storm. Even now, pistol raised high, no emotion threatened to spill over the wall he’d built around himself: no anger, no disgust, no fear. Nothing.
The spark that used to shine so brightly in him was still there. Stede knew it like the sun rose in the east. But for the first time, Stede thought he might not live long enough to see it again.
Even though his limbs were trembling, Stede wasn’t afraid of Ed, not even now. He was scared to die, scared to lose the life he’d barely begun, scared that he’d die without making everything right. But there was nothing he could do about that now. So, he swallowed his terror as best he could, and started to speak.
“It’s okay, Ed,” Stede said quietly, looking right into his kohl-rimmed eyes. “Do what you have to do.”
This was easier, in a way. Everything would be settled, nice and tidy, buried with him under the sand. But more important than that: Edward would still be alive. There wasn’t a world where Stede could kill him, but if neither of them attacked, they would both be executed. At least this way, Edward would survive.
Something shifted in Ed’s eyes, something Stede couldn’t follow. His finger hovered by the trigger.
“I’ve told you what I needed to say,” Stede said, a hot tear spilling down his cheek. “And as long as you know that— as long as you remember that, nothing else matters.”
“Shut up.”
“I love—”
“Fuck you.”
“I love you, Edward, I always have. I always will.”
The slamming of a door, the unforgiving silence—
“Go ahead, Ed,” Stede urged gently, trying his best to smile through his tears. “It’s okay.”
The moment lay thick in the air between them, time slowing down just slightly. Everything felt foggy, but strangely peaceful, even as Stede braced himself for what was to come. This was the way it had to be.
Then, Stede saw Ed’s face collapse like a house of cards, and Stede instantly knew was he was going to do.
Ed turned the pistol on himself, and pure terror shot through every inch of Stede’s being.
“No!”
Stede’s scream conjoined with the gunshot as he threw himself forward, tackling Ed to the ground. Chaos erupted from all sides, but Stede’s ears were still ringing, and his hands felt like ice as he tried to locate the deadly wound in Edward’s head.
“Oh God, oh God,” Stede sobbed, not caring a lick about the firefight that has erupted around him, because if Ed was dead, if Ed was dead—
Stede’s heart lept into his throat as he heard Ed groan, and he cupped that precious face in his hands, and he expected the all-too-familiar sight of blood and bits of brain strewn about and oh God that’s Ed God please not Ed, but instead of remaining dead on the floor, Ed opened his eyes.
A leather-bound hand reached out of nowhere, reached for Ed, and Stede immediately covered Ed’s entire body with his own. He saw who it was, and a bolt of anger ran down his spine.
“I didn’t,” Izzy sputtered, looking devastated, “I didn’t think—”
“Don’t touch him,” Stede hissed with all the venom in his veins, and Izzy stumbled over himself to get away. Good fucking riddance, Stede thought, noticing both his and Ed’s crews overpowering the handful of pirates that had abducted him. He didn’t care, and he wouldn’t, not until he was sure Ed was safe.
“Stede,” Ed croaked from below, and Stede whipped his attention to the blood running down one side of Edward’s face.
Stede peered at the source of the blood, adrenaline still racing through him like a river. Incredibly, despite the alarming amount of blood, it was just a scratch. The pistol must have grazed him when Stede tackled him to the ground.
Stede ripped off the sleeve of his shirt, then wrapped it around Ed’s head, staunching the bleeding as best he could. The sound of rifle fire had faded from around him, and there were a few familiar cheers ringing in the air, signaling their safety, but Stede still felt like he was going to burst.
“Why would you do that?” Stede demanded, hysteria lacing his voice as he cupped Ed by the neck, feeling his miraculous pulse underneath his fingertips. “Don’t you ever—”
“Better me than you.” It was barely a whisper, but it shattered Stede’s heart. For the first time since Stede left him, Edward looked vulnerable, his eyes glassy, and his voice finally warbled. “I couldn’t… I’d never… Stede—”
All Stede could do was sob, and he pulled Edward’s body up into his lap so he could hold him as close as he’d been dreaming of these past few months. He felt Edward start to shake in his arms, and the dam finally broke.
“Never,” Stede choked, and he had no idea what he was promising, but he knew it was the most important one he’d ever make. “Never, Ed.”