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Wei Wuxian has always been too much.
One of his best features, he would have told you on a good day. On a good day, with the sun on his blade as he spun through the Jiang forms better than anyone else. On a good day, with the wind at his back at he speared four kites in one shot and accepted the applause of his shidis and shimeis like a hero on parade. On a good day, with the smell of lotuses in the air as he shoved Jiang Cheng into the water for the second time in a row and took off running. On a good day, when his enormous pout made shijie laugh helplessly and tweak his nose.
Wei Wuxian positively thrilled at too much when he got to Cloud Recesses. He laughed too hard, ran too fast, joked too often, got in trouble too frequently. He got too drunk. He made too many friends. He had too much fun.
When he met Lan Wangji, his sword was too quick to be bested. His grin too mischievous, the liquor too sweet, the moon too beautiful. Lan Wangji was almost too stuck-up, but then suddenly he wasn't. The water was too cold the day they almost kissed.
Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, that fuddy-duddy made him want to be too much too often, more with each day that passed. Too close, too close, too close most of all.
Wei Wuxian was too eager to follow Lan Zhan on his adventures, and it was the best decision he'd ever made. So he pushed, always demanding more. Lan Zhan was never too much. Lan Zhan was always just the right amount. It's what made everything between them such fun.
Being too much was one of his greatest assets, he realised at an early age. Too much took the pressure off Jiang Cheng, took the attention off shijie. Too much put other people at ease, or annoyed them in just the right way. Too much could let him draw every target to himself and take it far away from the ones he loved.
Too loud, and Wen Chao wouldn't look at anyone else. Too bold, and the Xuanwu would only attack him. Too arrogant, and no one noticed his weakness--or Yunmeng Jiang's.
Wei Wuxian has always been too much. He used to enjoy it. Now it eats him up.
Too trustworthy for Jiang Cheng to question. Too guilty to confess. Too useless to stay at Lotus Pier. Too noble to let injustices stand. Too much at fault for far too many things to ever go home again.
He is too much for Lan Zhan, as well; too far gone to be brought back, down a path too dark for a bearer of light to join him. Too twisted and broken to be redeemed and too hollowed-out to be full of anything good. He beamed too brightly and took it away too soon. He spoke the name of his zhiji with too much warmth and too much ice in turn.
He is too reckless, too carefree, too committed.
There are people who need his protection; a family who needs what last drop of a real life he can squeeze out of the world for them all. He's in too deep and he's never coming out.
There is a child. And for the first time since the beginning, Lan Zhan had been the one who was too much--too kind, too precious, too soft. Wei Wuxian's heart ached too sharply at that.
The night is too harsh, the trees too gray, the invitation too innocent from a child's mouth. Lan Zhan is too beautiful to be here. Lan Zhan is too good to be his. A smile is just a smile and a gift is not a promise.
He knows he is too much for Lan Zhan. But there is too much between them to let him walk away without asking.
Wei Wuxian stands there, holding a-Yuan too tightly and with a smile that's too terribly sad, looks back at the man he has never loved well enough and says, "Tell me, Lan Zhan, truly. Am I too much? Are we too much? It's okay; I expect that we are. But I can't let you go and not...just so I know I did. Just one time. Is this too much?"