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It’s almost like a record scratch, how quickly Dick’s mood switches.
One moment, he’s riding a pretty big high. The dinner table is packed full of the entire family - even Gordon has stopped by. They’re talking, laughing, and fighting over who gets the mashed potatoes first. Even Jason and Damian are socializing. It’s everything Dick has ever wanted for his family, it’s amazing everytime it happens.
Then Damian utters those fateful words.
Dick’s not entirely sure how the conversation started. He’s pretty sure Barbara was complaining about being late for work because of some crime, then the others started sharing stories of the worst reasons they were late. When Jason turns to Damian with a smirk, no one realizes the chain reaction he’s about to start.
“What about you pipsqueak, why were you late to dinner tonight? Poison Ivy get you so high you were stargazing your own ceiling?”
“I have glow in the dark stars on my ceiling!” Tim defends himself, muffled around a mouthful of roast.
“Table manners Timbo, us street rats must be a bad influence.” Steph teases, dodging when he moves to shove her in revenge.
“If you must know,” Damian starts when he actually finds space to talk amongst the bickering, “one of my less annoying teachers has tasked the class with creating a family tree.” It’s at this moment that Dick should realize where this is going. He should butt in now and change the topic of conversation.
Unfortunately, he instead continues to obliviously stuff his face.
“That’s got to be a fun one with this family.” Jason snickers.
“Very straightforward.” Steph nods, tone serious although her meaning is sarcastic.
“Hardly.” Damian huffs. “I cannot use my mother’s heritage without revealing the copious lack of mortality or lying. Father’s side is not much better, what with all the adoptions.”
“It should be easy enough, shouldn’t it?” Duke asks. “Just put down everyone who’s adopted.”
“And make sure you mark me as dead or we’ll have the same lack of morality problems.” Jason pipes up.
“Who isn’t adopted?” Steph - who is not adopted - jokes. It’s at this point that Dick starts realizing this might be bad.
“Bruce attempted to adopt me once.” Gordon says, smirking at the man in question who groans.
“I was incredibly high on painkillers.” Bruce claims. “That cannot be held against me.”
“Aren’t you older than Bruce?” Duke asks, frowning slightly.
“Barbara and Dick had just broken up, and she couldn’t be adopted. Bruce thought it was the only way to make her officially family.” Gordon reveals, grinning.
“I swear you two mourned that relationship more than either of us did.” Barbara says, rolling her eyes teasingly. Here, Dick should chime in with a joke about lesiban and gay solidarity but he’s a bit too busy sweating buckets.
“Official?” Cass asks, drawing their attention as she signs ‘Barbara is already family, why would it need to be official?’
“It doesn’t need to be.” Barbara assures, clearly touched by her words.
“That is precisely the problem.” Damian says, drawing the conversation back towards the thing Dick would like to avoid. “I am unsure how to include unofficial family members.”
“Aw, he does care.” Jason grins. “Here I thought Goldie’s was the only name that mattered.”
Damian’s mouth opens and Dick knows exactly what he’s going to say.
This is the moment the record scratches, because there is nothing he can do to stop Damian from speaking.
“It is. Grayson was never adopted.” The entire table freezes at the words, a rare thing even in their dramatic family. His siblings turn to look at him, and then Bruce who is clearly wincing.
Man, he really should have planned for this outcome.
“How are you not adopted?” Jason asks, either insulted or insulted on his behalf. Dick assumes the latter but isn’t entirely sure.
“It’s not a big deal.” Dick quickly assures, shoveling another bite of potato mash into his mouth and avoiding everybody’s gaze.
“Dick…” Barbara says softly, indicating it very much is a big deal. She knows - better than anyone else - how important the idea of family is to him.
“When Master Richard was under our care, he was rather opposed to the idea of adoption.” Alfred offers the explanation they’re all waiting for, pointedly looking at Bruce. Finally prompted, the man clears his throat.
“I am, of course, willing to adopt you now Dick. If that is something you care about.” He offers in quite possibly the worst way possible.
“It’s fine, really Bruce. I don’t need to be adopted.” Dick says through a somewhat forced smile. He definitely should have planned for this. Gordon laughs, quickly trying to hide it with a cough.
“Excuse me, something caught in my throat.” The police commissioner - who definitely didn’t arrest a 18-year-old Dick for underage drinking and didn't get a drunken, bitter confession when he tried to call Bruce - says. No one believes him.
“What do you know?” Barbara asks, narrowing her eyes at her father.
“Nothing, Batgirl.” Gordon replies, his usual codeword for ‘I didn’t push you on your secrets, don’t push me on mine’. It works on Barbara but unfortunately she’s not the only one at the table.
“Okay, one of you needs to explain.” Jason orders.
“There’s nothing to explain.” Dick claims. “I wasn’t adopted and now I’m well into adulthood. I don’t need to be adopted.”
“If you’re concerned with paperwork or complications, I can sort that out easily.” Bruce assures. “Just because you don’t need to be, doesn’t mean you don’t want to be.”
“It’s fine Bruce.” Dick says.
“We all consider you family Dick.” Tim points out, frowning slightly as he reads the wrong way into Dick’s refusals. Dick gives him a more genuine smile, touched even if Tim is missing the point.
“I know Tim.” He says. “And I love you guys, you’re my family. I don’t need a piece of paper to prove it.”
“It is more than a piece of paper.” Damian argues. “It is a legally binding document.”
“I know that Dami. But there’s really no point to it.” Dick claims and then quickly backpedals when he sees Tim’s face fall. “Not for me, at least. Not at my age.”
“So, what? Adoption is meaningless to you?” Jason snaps. Where Tim gets quiet when he’s hurt, Jason gets loud. And clearly Dick hurt him with that meaningless statement as well.
“No! Not at all!” He assures. “It’s just that I consider you lot family, with or without an adoption.”
“Is this because it took me so long to offer?” Bruce asks, his tone even. Which is a clear sign he’s hurt about this too. Goddamn it, Dick really should have planned for this.
“B, it’s not like that.” Dick claims.
“I’d understand entirely.” Bruce continues.
“I’m not upset by that, I swear.” Dick says, as firmly as he can manage. No one is convinced and suddenly it feels like everyone is ready to ask more questions. To figure out why Dick is so adamant about not getting adopted. How hard would it be just to flip over the back of his chair and escape out the door? How long will it take before the others forget about this conversation and Dick can show his face in Gotham again?
“Did someone else adopt you?” It’s Cass’ words although Steph is the one that voices them. Dick winces, too slow to deny, and that is answer enough.
“What?!” Jason exclaims, like he can’t decide if he’s pissed or if he finds this hilarious.
“It isn’t a big deal.” Dick immediately tries damage control despite knowing it’s a futile effort.
“It seems a ‘big deal’ Master Richard. Especially if you didn’t tell us.” Alfred hums. Dick can’t tell if the older man is hurt or not. Bruce definitely is.
“It really isn’t!” Dick repeats, something Gordon finds amusement in. Okay, so maybe Gordon found him wandering the streets of Gotham drunk off his ass and called his legal father. Maybe.
“You know who it is.” Barbara states, frowning at her father.
“I figured he’d told you at some point.” Gordon claims. “Apparently not.”
“I didn’t tell them because it’s. Not. A Big. Deal.” Dick stresses.
“It’s clearly a huge deal, if you’re not telling us whose kid you are.” Jason points out. “Do we know them?”
“It’d have to be someone in the hero community, right?” Tim guesses, frowning. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“It happened before I met any of you.” Dick says and then immediately regrets it.
“That long?” Bruce asks, clearly hurt. Ah fuck. Dick scrambles to find an excuse.
“Look, my landlord found out I wasn’t eighteen and the only way I could stay was if I proved I had parental consent.” Is what he comes up with. “It was an adoption of convenience, really.” That part, at least, is true.
“You could have called.” Alfred says it before Bruce does, the hurt flashing on his face now. That is way worse.
“I… I wasn’t in a great place Alfie, I just…” Dick mumbles, trailing off.
“You could have called me.” Barbara says, just as soft and hurt.
“We all know it was more complicated than that.” Gordon says, placing a hand on his daughter’s shoulder before Dick can try and comfort her.
“Why would you not ask Father?” Damian asks. Dick doesn’t really want to explain but, well, he doesn’t see a way to avoid it.
“Dick and I had a fight when he was sixteen.” Bruce explains first. “I kicked him out.” And replaced him.
“No wonder you got adopted by some random hero.” Steph whistles.
“It was a long time ago.” Dick assures Damian who looks uneasy after the admission.
“I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.” Bruce adds for the youngest son’s benefit.
“So who is this mystery parent?” Jason asks, not looking at either of them as he tries to draw the conversation back. He’s always thought of Dick as the golden boy, probably had to reconcile that at the moment.
“It’s really not important.” Dick repeats for what must be the thousandth time.
“I would like to know as well.” Bruce says.
“If you don’t tell us Barb’ll just hack into her dad’s systems and figure out how he found out.” Steph warns.
“No she wouldn’t.” Gordon denies.
“Yes I would.” Barbara immediately confirms.
“Barbara.” Gordon hisses, his daughter entirely ignoring him.
“What does this stranger matter? Grayson is a part of our family not theirs.” Damian huffs, fingers twitching like he wants to cling to Dick.
“Exactly.” Dick perks up, ruffling his baby brother's hair.
‘Technically, he is a part of both.’ Cass signs, entirely unhelpfully. Everyone else is equally unhelpful. Bruce says it’s important information. Barbara re-threatens to hack her dad’s work computer while Tim suggests hacking the official government file. Steph and Jason both make outlandish theories that aren’t actually as outlandish as they think. Damian looks ready to bite someone as he repeats that the information is pointless. Alfred and Gordon both point out that it’s Dick’s information to share. Cass and Duke continue eating, although the former is watching Dick carefully while Duke - as the newest addition - sits awkwardly over this fact he has little stake in. It’s all a bundle of too much noise and eventually Dick can’t take it anymore - he snaps.
“Slade!” He announces, pushing back his chair and enjoying the blissful moment of silence the answer brings. “I asked Slade to adopt me because he was the only adult I knew I could reach out to that wouldn’t run right back to B. Are you happy now? Can you please leave me alone?!” The words leave the room in silent shock but Dick knows it won't last. Soon they'll have a thousand questions, and Alfred might notice the lie. Dick knows he needs to move now and he does, leaving his half finished plate and rushing to his bike and his apartment where they can't bombard him about his adopted father.
God, he should have had a plan for this.