Chapter Text
“Chifuyu?”
The voice is distant but familiar, an urgent sound somewhere in the back of his mind that mingles into the last scene he remembers.
“Chifuyu, wait!” Kazutora’s eyes are blown wide with genuine concern, his fear of abandonment kicking in full force, but Chifuyu is in no position to turn back and give him comfort now, busy to keep the inner turmoil of his own emotions under control.
Anger, worry, disappointment, fear – it’s a maelstrom of destruction that he needs to keep away from Kazutora before they both do something they’ll regret, but he can’t restrain the words that already linger on the tip of his tongue.
“Chifuyu!” The distant voice chimes in again, louder now, but he can’t find it in himself to pay it any attention.
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” The words taste like defeat.
Chifuyu doesn't look back, but knows Kazutora is wincing as if being hit by his fist. It hurts. It hurts so damn much, but he is at the end of his rope and needs to get out of here.
“Chifuyu!”
With burning eyes, he dashes through the front door, stumbles down the stairs, straight into the warm air of a summer night that would have been perfect for stargazing. Instead of finally showing Kazutora his favorite spot, however, he needs distance from the man he loves so much that he can’t handle the notion of losing him to the past.
Aimlessly, he wanders around, head full, heart heavy and exhausted to the core. It can’t go on like this. One day –
“Chifuyu!” This time, the distant voice is powerful enough to rip him out of it. “You need to wake up!”
Fingers dig into his shoulders, shake him up violently and when Chifuyu blinks his eyes open, strained pools of gold stare back at him.
“Kazu – tora…?” he mumbles, utterly confused, mind racing a thousand miles per second as he tries to figure out what’s going on.
Something seems off and it’s not just the fact that he has no idea where he is or what happened or why he is lying on a cold concrete floor – it’s something about Kazutora, who shouldn’t even be with him in the first place.
There’s something harsh and gloomy in his eyes, leaving no room for that spark of excitement Chifuyu fell for the first time he saw it. The bags underneath are dark like back in the days when he just came out of prison and barely got more than three hours of sleep per night, too caught up in nightmares and guilt and worries about his new life in freedom.
His hair is different too – waves of dark strands fall over his back, but the occasional blond highlights are missing, except for the bright front pieces framing the sharp edges of his face. Even his frown lines are more prominent, giving him a more serious and haggard look.
And… is there blood on the back of his hand…?
“Fuck, you’re awake,” Kazutora breaks his train or rather storm of thoughts before he can even try to come up with a coherent sentence of his own. Quickly, the man who looks so familiar withdraws his red-stained hands from Chifuyu’s shoulders and tugs a strand of blond behind his ear. One of his nervous habits, but he also seems genuinely relieved. “You suddenly, I don’t know, passed out?”, he explains, focusing on the hard concrete floor next to him as if he doesn’t dare to look him in the eye.
His behavior is strange, but the red substance on Kazutora’s hands is his greatest concern right now. “Kazutora…,” he starts slowly and gets up into a seating position. Taking a deep breath, he tries his best to remain as calm and collected as possible despite the huge stone in his stomach. “What did – is that blood on your hands…?” When he tries to reach out for him, his fingers slightly shake but Chifuyu comes to a sudden halt when golden eyes suddenly look at him again.
A deep crease appears on Kazutora's forehead. “Uhm, yes? From the bullet that grazed my arm? When I tried to add some pressure to the wound like you told me?” He gestures towards a dark spot on the sleeve of his olive green bomber jacket that looks kind of reddish-brown when you take a closer look. “Did you… forget about that?”
Unable to process the words being spoken, Chifuyu just stares at the man in front of him for a second. “A bullet…?” He then repeats stupidly, but a sudden noise changes the mood drastically.
In the blink of an eye, there’s the shiny metal of a gun in Kazutora’s hand and he jumps to his feet as if this is daily business. His serious face only gets a crack when he notices that Chifuyu is still sitting on the floor, staring in utter disbelief at the fucking gun in his fingers.
“We need to get going,” he urges, unsurely biting his lower-lip as he takes a quick glance left to right, but Chifuyu still isn’t over the fact that his fiancee is holding a weapon in his hand.
“You – why do you have a gun!? What the – ”
His words are muffled by a firm hand pressed insistently over his mouth, but there is no time for him to complain. Kazutora drags him to his feet, a quiet, “Sorry,” on his lips as he maneuvers him quickly behind a stack of blue metal barrels. They must be in some kind of factory building that Chifuyu has never seen before, which is just another detail that doesn’t make any sense at all.
Meanwhile, the sound of approaching steps grows louder and louder in the distance and he can literally feel the tension in Kazutora’s bones, who still holds a gun in his hand. The other one keeps pressing his mouth shut and although he doesn’t like this treatment at all, Chifuyu doesn’t make a fuss.
He gets that this is a serious matter, which is the understatement of the century considering the fucking gun, but he can tell that Kazutora is really on edge and honestly, his own heart seems to pump more adrenalin than blood through his veins right now.
“Where are these rats?”
“Don’t know, but they couldn’t have gotten far."
The voices are close and the increasing pressure on his mouth is a silent warning, accompanied by a gaze that’s just as piercing as it is troubled. Chifuyu tries for a short nod to show that he got the message and after another moment of intense staring, Kazutora lowers his hand in favor of pressing his middle finger against his chapped lips.
The echoing steps slowly seem to fade, but when Chifuyu lowers his shoulders to sink against the barrels with a sigh, Kazutora shakes his head and gestures for him to remain prepared to get moving any second. Deep furrows line his forehead as Kazutora gives him another glance over, but he keeps his thoughts to himself and silently tells him to stay while he slowly moves to get a look behind the barrels. Then, he indicates with a quick wave that Chifuyu should catch up to him. Trying to make as little noise as possible he complies, heart pondering urgently in his ears.
Whatever he has gotten himself into here… he just wants to get this over with fast.
Cautiously, they work their way through the factory, with Kazutora scouting the way, always having a close eye on him. It’s nerve wracking, especially when they need to hide from more dangerous sounding guys, but Chifuyu keeps his mouth shut and trusts Kazutora to get them out of here. His questions can wait.
The load it takes off his mind when they finally reach the safety of a car is heavy like the damn Mount Everest, but he does notice Kazutora’s visible hesitation to get into the driver seat. Again, he keeps his thoughts to himself though and gets them away from here at full speed.
Neither of them talks. After spending the last hour – that’s how long it felt to Chifuyu at last – in silence, It’s hard to break it, both equally confused and stirred up.
Chifuyu sinks deeper into the car seat and closes his eyes for a moment. His heartbeat slowly calmed down to a normal level, but the exhaustion in his limbs feels like he just ran a whole marathon.
Shreds of his last normal memories appear before his inner eye again. His awful fight with Kazutora; the one with soft eyes, messy buns and a healthy color on his cheeks. How he rushed through the night. Crossed the street – and then, suddenly, someone gave his back a push and the next thing he remembers is waking up in this total mess.
A hunch sneaks into his consciousness, thickens like smoke, but maybe, when he opens his eyes, things will be back to normal. He’ll wake up in his own car, with Kazutora next to him who picked him up on the street and…they’ll figure out what to do next. Yeah. That sounds…acceptable.
Reality isn’t so kind though. He’s still sitting in a car that’s not his, but feels like it belongs to him, next to a guy that looks like a perfect copy of the man he loves – but this one seems to have never left the hell his younger self walked through.
“Thank you for saving my ass.” The Kazutora that isn’t his throws him only a brief side glance. He seems guarded, somehow, chewing absentmindedly on his lips again. His voice is quiet, but firm. “That informant was a rat they used to ambush me. If you hadn’t shown up – things would’ve gotten pretty nasty.”
Chifuyu, whose little hunch is about to grow into something like a full-sized certainty, only gives him a weak smile. He has no clue what Kazutora is talking about nor how to even begin explaining this, but putting the cards on the table seems fair.
“Sorry. But I think I didn’t.”
The deep frown on Kazutora’s forehead is a familiar sight by now. “What do you mean?”
“It’s not me who helped you – or rather not the current me, I think...” Chifuyu stops his awkward attempt at a clarification with a sigh. Even for him it’s hard to believe, but… there is no other explanation, is there?
“Okay, this will probably sound super weird now, but – did we ever talk about time travel…?”
❄ ❄ ❄
The intrusive smell of disinfectant is the first thing Chifuyu notices. The second is the stiff bed linen covering his body. The third are the huge and clearly worried eyes of the man he chose as his partner of crime – or rather his partner in setting things right.
Frowning, he props himself up to his elbows, trying to bring some sense into this situation – which is impossible.
“Chifuyu!” Kazutora approaches him, arms opening wide as if he wants to pull him into a hug, but he stops midways to bury his fists in the mattress, chewing nervously on his lips.
He looks horrible. A dark bruise blooms on his left cheek like a stain of ink and his busted lip adds another piece to what looks like the work of a brutal fist. His left eye seems swollen too and is just as red and puffy as its twin.
Did he cry…? The mere notion seems weird and they clearly have no time for stuff like this right now.
“A hospital? Are you out of your mind?” Chifuyu scolds and the way Kazutora flinches, eyes wide with anxious concern, reminds him of a kicked puppy.
What the actual fuck? He has never seen Kazutora like this, so openly vulnerable and honestly, it’s overwhelming in a way he can’t describe, but it’s easier to focus on his growing anger.
“I – Takemichi called me…,” he mumbles, actively avoiding his gaze. “He said you suddenly collapsed while crossing the street and some driver called an ambulance immediately. You were unconscious for some time and it needs to be checked if you have a concussion or something, I don’t know.”
Chifuyu remains silent, furrowing his eyebrows even more together. Nothing of this makes any sense – they were in the middle of escaping an ambush and Kazutora was the one being hit by a graze shot, not him; so If someone needed a hospital, it’d be the man in front of him, but a graze isn’t nearly enough to make such a fuss. Actually, nothing would justify a joint trip to the hospital. It’s like painting a target onto their backs, writing ‘TRAITOR’ in screaming red ink right in the middle.
There’s no sign of any graze shots though. Kazutora even wears a set of completely different clothes that Chifuyu has never seen before, which is odd too, but on second glance, many things about him don’t add up.
His behavior, his words, even his hair is somewhat different. The Kazutora he knows is serious, quiet and sparse with his words, trying to avoid every unnecessary sound as if he wants to cover up his existence as much as possible, but the man in front of him… he is more open and less distant around him. Still nervous and insecure if you look close enough, but on a whole different level.
A deep sigh brings his focus back to Kazutora, who clenches his fists into the sheets and looks somehow defeated. “Listen. I know you're mad at me and that you don’t want to see me right now. We can discuss this later and you can yell at me all you want, but – don’t expect me to just ignore it when you’re hurt.” Despite his determination, there’s something pleading to his tone and Chifuyu honestly doesn’t know what to do with this.
Kazutora is… weird. All of this is.
Fuck. What has he gotten himself into now?
Shoving his confusion aside, Chifuyu focuses on the more important stuff. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but – we need to get out of here.” Folding back the stiff blanket, he narrows his eyes at Kazutora before he stresses, "Separately. I'll call you later for further instructions, but for now, get out of here. We will discuss this later."
A careful knock at the door interrupts them both, gazes flying to the sudden intruder. “Uhm. Sorry, but may I have a moment with you…?” Takemichi’s apologetic face appears in the doorframe, his hand rubbing sheepishly over the back of his head.
It’s such an unexpected, such a nostalgic sight, that something inside Chifuyu’s chest clenches as he stares in utter disbelief at his superior , who looks so much more like his younger self and has nothing in common with the scalded business man who he had to watch getting more and more corrupted by Toman over the years.
Even his hair resembles the guy he used to call his partner, a curly mob of dark strands instead of the slicked back look he chose to fit in with Toman’s higher ups.
“Takemichi…,” Kazutora mumbles, eyes darting restlessly between him and Chifuyu. He looks hurt, guilty, confused and clearly doesn’t know what to do. Makes two of them.
The man in question throws them a pinched smile and then walks over to Chifuyu. “Chifuyu. How do you feel…?”
That’s it. The straw that breaks the camel’s back. “How do I feel? Are you serious now? What the fuck is going on here? What is this – ” He gestures wildly into the air. “Mess?”
It’s like he’s backed into a corner, but the weirdest part? Chifuyu doesn’t feel threatened at all, although everything about this situation is made to blow up his whole cover. Maybe it’s due to the sheer absurdism of it all.
“Yeah, uhm, about that…” Takemichi’s grin widens awkwardly and he throws Kazutora a short side-glance. “What is the last thing you remember?”
Clenching his jaw, Chifuyu thinks about a good answer to that. He never told Takemichi about Kazutora, but the men inside this room don’t seem to be bothered by each other. Or overly surprised to meet here.
So he decides to stick to the truth, but keeping it as vaguely as possible. “I – was with him.” He nods briefly towards Kazutora, who looks stressed to no end. Yeah. Same.
Then, with his best poker face, he focuses on Takemichi again. “Wanted to check on him after taking care of the deal you wanted me to manage.”
Takemichi raises an eyebrow, but nods slightly, lips pressed into a firm line. “Kay… and can you tell me today’s date?”
His face darkens warily. “What?”
“Just want to check something, trust me!” Takemichi raises his palms in a soothing gesture. “Please.”
“10th of July.”
“And the year…?”
“2017.”
Kazutora watches the conversation with growing worry, but seems just as confused about the weird questions as he is.
Meanwhile, Takemichi mumbles weird stuff into his fist, eyes glued to the hospital floor. “This is strange… it seems to be the same year, but still a different Chifuyu. But how is this possible…?” Frowning, he looks up to him as another idea seems to cross Takemichi’s mind.
“Chifuyu…,” he begins slowly and throws Kazutora another short side-glance, before he shakes his head with a sigh. “Whatever. You’re both caught in this mess anyway…” Takemichi clears his throat, before he comes up with the weirdest and most unexpected question someone can think about.
“Did we ever talk about time travel…?”
His face seems to give away the answer, because Takemichi immediately picks up the thread. “Yeah, I thought so… okay. I think I messed something up, but I’ll set things right again,” he promises, although Chifuyu still has no clue what he’s talking about. “First, I need you to listen to me though. It’s going to sound super insane, but…” Takemichi’s smile looks so hopeful and innocent, that it sends another ache through his chest. “Just bear with me to the end. It’ll make sense, I promise. And then we’ll figure something out.”
“So… you’re from a different timeline?” Kazutora throws him a cautious glance, a too forced smile on his lips. It’s obvious how much he struggles to bring some normality to an abnormal situation like this.
They’re sitting in a car that could use a major overhaul and although he never sat a foot in that thing before, he found matching keys in his trousers. Kazutora offered to drive though and he didn’t object. Chifuyu wouldn’t even know where to drive to.
That weird conversation with Takemichi still echoes in his ears. The things he said about time travel and saving everyone and stuff sounded so absurd, but deep down he knew it was true. As if a part of him has heard these things a long time ago.
Apparently, Takemichi had a hunch about his other self being in potential trouble. Something like a vision, where he crossed the street and got hit by a car. So he intervened and shoved the other Chifuyu out of harm's way – and somehow they ended up like this now, with him being stuck in this timeline and his other self probably caught in the time he’s coming from.
Yeah. Sounds super plausible and not confusing at all.
“Seems so,” Chifuyu eventually answers curtly. It’s not because he has an aversion to this other Kazutora – he barely knows the guy, right? He’s just – it’s confusing, okay? And he doesn’t quite know how to deal with him or how they deal here with each other. In this… different timeline.
Contrary to his Kazutora, who mostly keeps quiet, this one seems eager to break the weird atmosphere between them though.
“Sounds pretty harsh. The… time you’re from.” It’s obvious how much he tries, but Chifuyu really is in no mood to discuss this any further now.
When Takemichi asked about the timeline he is from, Chifuyu kept it short. He told them about the corruption of Mikey through Kisaki over the years, how Toman went from bad to worse and how he decided to fight against it. For Baji’s sake.
Kazutora, he mentioned only briefly as someone who helps him in the background, but when it came to Takemichi, he hesitated. The man in front of him, the curly Takemichi with the kind eyes that reminded Chifuyu so much of the past, only gave him a sad and knowing smile though – and a gaze that he couldn’t quite interpret, a deeply torn and grief-stricken expression clad in a silent apology, but somehow Chifuyu knew to not ask any further. This was probably something between Takemichi and his other self.
Chifuyu sighs, arms crossed in front of his chest before he comes up with another short reply that doesn’t offer much information. “Yeah. Things could be easier.”
Maybe he’s acting like an asshole, but honestly, he just wants a drink or ten and forget about this confusing shit. It’s nothing personal, really.
He’s met with silence at first, but knows enough about the man next to him to see that the gears in Kazutora’s brain work at full speed. This Kazutora makes it even easier for him than the one he knows. He’s less guarded, showing his emotions like an open book instead of keeping everything shut away underneath a blank mask.
After chewing on his lips for a good amount of time, he clenches his fingers around the steering wheel before stating quietly, “I don’t want to bother you. It’s just – we’re kind of sharing an apartment, so I’d like to take you home with me and, well, keep an eye on you.” Kazutora tries for a small smile, but it rather looks pinched and his eyes widen in sudden realization before he quickly adds, “Just to make sure you’re alright! This must be super confusing, so let me help, okay?” He tries even harder for a smile now, but there’s something sad creeping into it right away. “If… it’s alright with you. Maybe you can’t stand me. Hate and detest me. I mean – I couldn’t blame you. So if you’d prefer a hotel room – .”
“Kazutora.” Chifuyu can’t tell why he feels the sudden need to interrupt him, reassure him even, but it’d be cruel to let him ramble on like that and although he is a cruel man, he doesn’t want to be cruel to Kazutora. Neither of them. “It’s fine. I hold no grudge against you. Or the you I know.” He adds the last sentence with a short frown, before giving Kazutora an affirmation nod. “So let’s stick together until this mess is over. I’m used to trust no one but you.” It’s the truth, simple and plain, but he wasn’t aware of the power his words hold.
Kazutora’s eyes widen and suddenly, his whole face lightens up. There’s no other way to describe it and Chifuyu is hit by a wave of emotions he can’t explain nor grasp. It’s a hidden longing, a deep adoration rooting in another version of himself, but it’s warm like a kiss of the sun and it hurts in a way only good things do.
“I’m glad,” Kazutora admits through a smile. “That even in another life you managed to find something good in me. That’s… it’s a relief, somehow.”
There’s another ache in his chest, another something that he can’t explain, but the sadness that dwells in those words hits deep. Chifuyu keeps his silence though. It’s mutual until they arrive at their shared apartment.
It’s strange to enter a place that he often thought about, but could never turn into something real. He never told his Kazutora about that, but sometimes he likes to dream about a world where they can be something else than two lonely bodies that keep themselves warm in the most desperate nights. When Chifuyu has enough whiskey in his system to let his guard down and admit that there still is someone left he can be vulnerable around.
He shakes this thought off in favor of following the unfamiliar Kazutora up a narrow stair to the first floor. When he spots a doormat with paw prints on the floor, he already knows which apartment to approach. It’s something he would have liked, in a different life…
“Here we are,” Kazutora announces in another attempt to make the situation between them less awkward. “If there’s something you don’t like, you have to complain to yourself. It’s your apartment, after all.”
Even if he had wanted to come up with a reply, he wouldn’t have been able to utter a single word. They all get stuck in his throat as soon as he spots a small, dark figure approaching him with a soft meow.
“Oh, hey Peke J.” Kazutora greets his cat casually and gives his fur a quick stroke, but he doesn’t slow down and keeps heading to him. If the old cat notices that something’s off about him, he doesn’t let it show. Purring, he rubs his head against the palm Chifuyu reached out to him on instinct. There's a sudden lump in his throat he can’t swallow and the hint of a smile crosses his face.
“Hey, old man,” his voice is thin and fragile like glass. “You missed me, huh.”
I missed you too, Chifuyu thinks. He abandoned Peke J years ago at his mom’s place, visiting neither of them for their own safety. The less they are involved with him, the better. Everyone he cares for has a target on their back. That’s the world he has chosen to live in and he won’t drag any innocent lives into bearing the consequences.
“Take your time. I’m heading for the kitchen,” Kazutora tells him quietly, a fond expression on his face.
Chifuyu doesn’t comment on it and does take his time, trying really hard to keep his shit together. He didn’t feel like crying in years, but being greeted by his cat (that isn’t even really his) after all this time hits a spot he buried too deep inside to be prepared.
He manages to keep it in, but maybe he presses Peke J a bit too hard against his chest, earning a sound of complaint, so he lets him go with a quiet, “Sorry,” on his lips and watches wistfully how he trots off.
Peke J, however, isn’t the only surprise that awaits him.
When Chifuyu gets back up and lets his gaze wander through the hallway, he notices the photographs that plaster the walls.
There’s that familiar ache in his chest again when he stares back at his own beaming face, with Kazutora’s arms wrapped around him from behind, giving him the most affectionate smile he has ever seen. Another pic shows them in ugly Christmas sweaters, both of them pulling faces – and laughing in the picture underneath.
Then there’s a photograph of Kazutora alone, sitting with a cheeky grin on a brand new motorbike, but there’s a selfie attached to it that shows his own face with a self-assured grin, giving the camera a peace sign, while Kazutora is in the background, covering his mouth with his hands in awe as he stares in utter disbelief at the motorbike.
It’s signed with the words Best Boyfriend Ever and the notion makes him feel something he can’t label. (Jealousy? Regret? Guilt? Longing?)
But it’s the photograph with the ring that catches him really off guard.
“We’re married?” Chifuyu enters the kitchen with crossed arms, keeping any emotion out of his voice. He gave up to imagine himself in a situation like this so long ago that he can barely remember his naive fantasies and wishes about a happily ever after. The mere thought fills him with bitterness. What a fucking joke.
“Engaged,” Kazutora corrects him softly. He stopped in his movement of getting two mugs out of a cupboard to turn his face to him and it’s beyond Chifuyu how someone can look so infinitely happy and sad at the same time. “Or we were. I… I’m not sure. If you want to anymore. Or rather… your other self.” His forced smile is hard to watch, but Kazutora makes it easier by turning back to his task again.
“What happened?” he asks after some seconds, somehow interested in the answer. They looked… happy on these pics. Genuinely happy. He could see it in his own face and in Kazutora’s too. The kind of happiness his teenager-self always longed for.
“I fucked up once too often.” Kazutora puts down the cups with a bit too much force.
Raising his eyebrows, Chifuyu takes a step into the kitchen. This is such a Kazutora thing to say, really and now he can clearly see how this one shuts down as well, trying to keep his guilt and self-curses to himself.
“What do you mean?” He really does wonder what could make his other self question such a huge decision. If he found someone worth marrying, he wouldn’t give this up easily. “Do you have a drink?”, he then adds, taking a seat at the kitchen table in the middle of the room. The interior is plain, but tasteful. The colorful magnets at the fridge bring some life into it. It’s littered with sticky notes and someone drew a comic figure of Peke J onto the surface, with a huge speech bubble, saying ‘Don’t feed the cat, feed the tiger instead’.
Kazutora sighs heavily and seems to give up on the tea.
“Yeah. Gimme a second.”
A couple of minutes later, there’s a six pack of beer between them. Chifuyu would have preferred something stronger, but restrains himself from asking. It’s enough that his Kazutora knows about his bad drinking habits.
To his great surprise, this Kazutora grabs himself a bottle without any hesitation too.
“It’s an unusual sight to see you with a drink.”
Kazutora seems surprised, a somewhat sheepish smile appearing on his lips. “Oh. Well, yeah… it took me some time.” Absently, his fingers fumble at the label of the bottle. “At first, I was scared of, I don’t know, losing control? But you helped me to – well, handle it better.” Kazutora gives him an appreciative glance, although he has nothing to do with this. It’s his other self that… earned that. “Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I drink all the time!” Kazutora adds quickly. “But it’s no big deal for me anymore. I can just sit down and enjoy a drink with you or our friends now. It’s… nice. Makes me feel like a normal person, you know.”
Chifuyu nods and takes a huge sip of beer, trying to wash down the weird taste in his mouth. It’s hard to imagine himself as a person who grounds Kazutora in that way, when all he ever does is give him quick instructions, scold him for being too reckless or kiss him senseless in the middle of a heated argument or after surviving another near-death experience.
He’s always harsh with him. The overwhelming fear of losing another person he keeps close makes him relentless. And Kazutora never complains. He talks back and calls him out on his hypocritical bullshit if necessary, but he never resents him for treating him like shit.
It’s disgusting, but he can’t stop. Neither of them can.
“Okay. Let’s move to your actual question…,” Kazutora interrupts his circle of self-loathing, also bracing himself with a huge sip of beer.
“You said that the Mikey in your time is corrupted.”
Chifuyu confirms it with a short nod, eyeing Kazutora with even more interest now.
“Well. Here, he is corrupted too.” Kazutora presses his lips to a thin line. “One day, he suddenly disbanded Toman, turning against all of his old friends. Mitsuya. Peh. You. Even Draken. He disappeared without a trace. When I came out of prison, they told me he works abroad, but one day, I found out about the truth.” He tightens the grip around his bottle, giving Chifuyu a serious look. “Rumors say he is the leader of the worst criminal organization in Japan and I – ” He cuts himself off, averting his gaze. “I wanted to try setting things right. Everyone’s living their lives in peace, except for him and it’s not fair.
“I know that I probably can’t do much. He’d kill me if I got too close or – I don’t even know. But it’s my fault that things turned out this way, so I need to try at least, right?” He looks really desperate and Chifuyu is somewhat surprised how even in a world like this Kazutora can’t seem to let it go.
“Yesterday… I got into another fight. Met the wrong people and asked the wrong questions. Afterwards, I tried to sneak back inside, but you caught me in the act and – ” Kaztuora adams apple bounces visibly when he swallows. “We had a really bad argument. And I get it. I get that you’re – your other self – is super mad at me and worried, but…it’s not so easy for me to let it go. How can I be allowed to get so much happiness when I destroyed so many lives…?” His inner conflict is literally tangible with bare hands, but Kazutora is quick to brush it aside with an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I – got carried away a bit.”
“You’re the same in my world,” Chifuyu tells him, ignoring his weak attempt to change the topic.
“Huh?”
“Always trying to take the blame alone for everything, except you don’t tell me so openly about it.”
Kazutora seems taken aback, sucking in his breath, but doesn’t dare to argue.
“It’s pretty selfish, don’t you think? We all played our part in this. Whether it’s my time or yours.” His expression is just as stern as his words, but some things can’t be told with a velvet tongue. Besides, Chifuyu gave up on playing nice a long time ago. “But I’m glad that I don’t let you get away with this. It’d be super mad if you pulled some shit behind my back. Only, that in my world, it’s rather the other way around.” The realization actually puts a rare smile on his lips. It’s a wry one, laced with irony. “You often call me out on being too reckless, you know. And I also get it. Sucks to care for others, huh.”
He puts the bottle to his lips and empties it within a few seconds. Then he gets serious again, locking eyes with Kazutora before he tells him, “But I’d never abandon you.”
The truth of his statement hits in a way that silences them both.
Caught up in the messes of their own minds, they spend the next minutes in silence, until Kazutora finishes his beer. Chifuyu poured a second bottle down his throat in the meantime and could use a third one, but he keeps himself from taking more.
“Maybe we should get some rest.” Kazutora suggests, already getting up and collecting the empty bottles. “You can have the bedroom. I still have my own room back from the time when you let me move in here.” He shows him his best attempt at an easy smile, but it’s obvious how tired and dejected he is.
Having no objections, Chifuyu follows him in silence. In his world, he organized a whole tiny flat for Kazutora after picking him up from prison. Bringing him home has never been an option.
“Should I, uhm, change the bed linen?” Kazutora throws him a questioning glance, after taking a peek into the room. It’s plain like the kitchen, mostly occupied by a huge bed in the middle of the room.
“It’s fine.”
“Okay. Just tell me if you need anything – or take it yourself. Most of the stuff in this apartment is yours anyway.” He doesn’t give up on his smile and Chifuyu feels like he needs to say something, maybe give him some words of encouragement, but honestly, he doesn’t know what to tell him.
Eventually, he decides for a quick nod, making his way past Kazutora without sparing him another look, but only gets as far as three steps into the room.
“Do you think he is alright?” Surprised, Chifuyu turns to the man who looks at him with the softest eyes. “You. I mean… do you think you’re alright over there?”
It catches him off guard. Actually, he did wonder about that too, but he can’t bring himself to share his honest opinion with Kazutora. Feeding his worries will get them nowhere.
“Don’t worry. My Kazutora will take good care of your Chifuyu over there.”
Maybe it’s a weird thing to say for him, but Kazutora seems genuinely relieved. The tiny pinprick of guilt he feels in his chest is something Chifuyu can easily ignore.
“Alright, thanks. Good night.”
“Night.”
Kazutora gives him one last smile before leaving the door ajar – for Peke J, he realizes with that familiar ache in his heart.
Fuck. He needs to return to his world as fast as possible, because although it’s true that he trusts in Kazutora’s abilities to watch out for this other Chifuyu, he can’t stay with him all the time and if one of them makes a single wrong move…
The consequences would be too dreadful to even think about it aloud.