Chapter Text
it all starts with a spell. well, it all ends with a spell but this ending is, matter-of-fact, just the beginning — thus, it all starts with a spell. obliviate. it’s not even a long spell, there are plenty with more syllables, but this one does roll off his tongue comfortably. regulus does not even startle at the sight of the light leaving james’ eyes; the light of recognition, of course, for he is very much alive. though this bears the question whether this can even be considered the same person he loved so dearly without all of the memories that made it so. regulus has no answers, just questions. he also has no excuses, nothing except for worries. and james stands in front of him, utterly confused and with no recollection of the day they fell in love. it is war, it isn’t fair.
it isn’t fair because once regulus was a small ten-year-old trailing after his brother and then he was a fourteen-year-old saying goodbye to him as he laughed maniacally — the cruciatus leaves plenty of after-effects. it isn’t fair because he is a sixteen-year-old being marked like cattle for the praise of parents who would never think him enough. it isn’t fair because he is a eighteen-year-old saying goodbye to his first and last love — and it doesn’t taste like protection, it tastes like betrayal.
the wings sirius’ built for him with his courage, he will put them on after james leaves and then he will fly to the cave. he will fly to his death just like icarus with the wings daedalus gave him. now, standing here, he silently says his goodbyes to the sun. once upon a time, he thought the wings would give him freedom, but now he knows that all it will do is give him peace — and freedom is never peaceful. life with james would not have been peaceful, it would have been exciting and adventurous and marvellous, but never peaceful even amidst happiness. this decision he made all those weeks ago, it will not bring freedom, but it will bring peace and it needs to be enough.
just as james turns around, he thinks of pandora one last time — she had just married xenophilius and they had gone on an expedition for their honeymoon. her last letter to him reads as a goodbye for she has no plans of returning to england while the war is raging on. she had never been a pacifist, but that was before xenophilius; she couldn’t start a family amidst a war.
dorcas, on the other hand, had outright deserted him. of course, not without a cause; after all, it was for marlene. she probably knew he would understand, being one of the few around for the james and regulus show. and he did, he does. at the same time, regulus misses her almost as much as he does pandora. so, she also crosses his mind and james leaves.
they will all be okay because none of them will be alone: pandora has xeno, dorcas has marlene, and barty and evan have always had each other, they would rather die than be separated. these are his friends, some are deeply brainwashed (just like he was up until a few weeks prior) and some are desperate to start anew, but they are all terribly brave in his eyes. certainly braver than he has been all his life, if you were to ask his brother.
his brother.
sirius, the brightest star.
his brother who has more than a brother for so many years.
who put him to bed.
who kissed his wounds so that they would heal faster.
who made sure he ate enough, drank enough, slept enough. laughed enough.
who loved him so much and so deeply for years — loved him until regulus made him stop.
sometimes, when regulus thinks of parental love, he thinks of young sirius, trying so hard to be one for him. his brother had none so that he could have at least one. instinctively, he knows the news of his death will destroy his brother. but james will be there, so will lupin and pettigrew. regulus hopes dorcas and him will be able to comfort each other somehow, that sirius won’t have to suffer through the knowledge of all that was regulus black alone. there was happiness in the years before and between, so he hopes there will be happiness in the years after.
without knowing, he has started to cry.
he is still crying when kreacher apparates in front of him, anxious to get their task over with — he doesn’t know that regulus has decided that their chance for escape will be minimal. well, regulus’ chance for escape, kreacher will have to make it out to destroy the locket. he puts himself together enough to stare at the elf’s big eyes and says “shall we?”.
and off icarus goes, to certain death.