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“… I don’t need to be here?” Suletta choked out the question. It felt like a punch to the gut, the very idea that Miorine didn’t actually need her to watch over something she cared so much about. The entire time she’d been taking care of Miorine’s greenhouse, Suletta had assumed that she was the only good option. She’d hoped this meant that her relationship with Miorine had progressed past the point of merely staying around each other for the sake of their engagement, and that she’d finally have a best friend that wasn’t her mom or Aerial.
All of this, every good thing she’d hoped was happening in her relationship with her fiancée, was crushed when Miorine uttered her answer.
“I guess not.” The smaller girl’s voice was deadpan, with no sense of sympathy, as she started to make her way out of the greenhouse.
Suletta felt heavy at that answer. Everything felt like it was falling. Her heart, her throat, the little matching charms she held in her hands, all felt like they were going to come crashing to the ground any second.
She wasn’t needed.
“Right… That makes sense,” Suletta said solemnly. Miorine walked past her, not even looking up to acknowledge her groom with a simple glance. “I’ve been getting wrong ideas all on my own.”
“That’s right… about Aerial,” said Miorine. Suletta didn’t turn to acknowledge her. She felt that any movement would trigger the tears she could feel trapped behind her eyes. “I’m going to pick her up at Plant Quetta. You should come too. I bet you’re excited. You’re going to see Aerial again.”
Miorine’s footsteps faded away, and the lights came down in the greenhouse, signaling to Suletta that she was alone. At that, she finally let everything loose.
Her hands, which had grown painfully stiff, loosened their grip on the charms she’d been holding on to. They fell to the ground, the cheap plastic quietly clattering against the metal floor of the greenhouse. Only a second later, Suletta followed suit, sitting on the ground and digging her face into her knees.
For the past two weeks, Suletta had finally felt like she was a part of something. She’d felt like a real student at a real school, like she’d always wanted. She had friends that she could joke around with. She was on a real hot streak, checking so many things off her list. All of a sudden, it felt like none of that mattered.
Suletta thought back to when Miorine had asked her to take care of the tomatoes in the greenhouse. There must have been something she missed. When Miorine had asked her, and had told her she was relying on her, she’d made it sound like she couldn’t ask anyone else. Suletta was under the impression that she wasn’t just Miorine’s first choice, but that she was her only choice.
“Who else can I ask?”
She distinctly remembered Miorine uttering those words. Why did she say it like Suletta was her only option? She clearly wasn’t. Was she just temporary? Was she just a stand in until those farm workers could discuss the estimate?
Was she really needed?
That was a terrible thought. Suletta cared about Miorine, and not just for the sake of being a good groom. She truly felt she’d grown closer to her, that maybe Miorine saw her as even just a friend at least. Maybe Elan was right, maybe all she was to her was a shield from any of the other potential suitors. Maybe the only reason Miorine wanted Suletta as her groom was because she was the least objectionable option, and not because she actually liked her, even in a platonic sense.
Suletta sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. This feeling, this lump in her throat at the thought of not being needed… She hated it. It wasn’t just some simple sadness. It was the kind of sadness that comes when someone’s worst fear comes true.
Up until this moment, Suletta could never pin down what her worst fear was. This was mostly because she had her mom or Aerial alongside her, to make her feel like she wasn’t alone when she felt scared. Now that she was alone, and was starting to fear her own bride, Suletta had no one to turn to to calm her down. She realized her worst fear.
She needs to be needed. When no one needs her, she just feels alone. Excluded.
Exclusion was something she couldn’t handle.
Suletta lay down on the greenhouse floor. She didn’t think Miorine would like it if she just stayed there for the night, but she truly didn’t feel like she could move from the spot. She felt like every muscle in her body was tensed from the stressful new form of sadness she was experiencing.
Her eyes flitted around the room, unfocused. All she could do was stare off into literal space as her mind spiraled with all these negative thoughts. Eventually, her eyes settled back on the matching charms she’d bought for her and Miorine.
What useless tchotchkes. They didn’t actually mean anything now, did they? They were supposed to be a symbol of the friendship Suletta and Miorine shared, and another thing for Suletta to mark off her list. Now all Suletta could see was a delusional view of her relationship with Miorine. There was no love, even platonic, in this relationship. All of it was now a business. They weren’t an engaged couple, or a pair of good friends, they were just a part of a business. A boss and an employee.
Suletta grabbed the charms in her hands and quietly whined. She clutched them close to her chest and curled up into a ball, imagining herself in Aerial’s cockpit, or her mom’s lap, somewhere that could comfort her in this time of crisis. Finding out and facing her worst fear was the last thing she wanted to do, and in response, all she could do was cry. She cursed herself for being so bold, so confident that things were going so much better than they actually were.
She really had gotten all the wrong ideas about her relationship with Miorine. She was such an idiot. No wonder Miorine didn’t want to rely on her any more.
Clutching her hands to her chest, Suletta drifted off into a cold, empty sleep.
“Oh, for the love of– Wake up, Suletta!”
Suletta shot awake at the sudden sound of a familiar voice. She looked up to find her bride scowling at her, and the light of day pouring in through the windows of the greenhouse.
“Did you really sleep in here all night?” Miorine scoffed. “That’s definitely not good for you.”
“M-Ms. Miorine–!” Suletta was interrupted by her head hitting the hard metal desk as she attempted to stand up straight. “O-Owww… Uh… I-I’m so sorry, I–”
“You’re not sick or anything, are you?” Miorine asked, holding a hand up to Suletta’s forehead. “We can’t go to Plant Quetta to get Aerial if you’re not feeling well.”
Suletta pulled away from Miorine’s touch. “I-I’m just fine, don’t you worry ‘bout me!” she said, holding her hands up defensively and avoiding her bride’s gaze.
“What’s that you’ve got there?” Miorine asked.
It was then Suletta noticed the grip she still had on the charms. “Oh! They’re- They’re nothing!” she stammered as she shoved them into her pocket. “Don’t worry about those!”
Miorine huffed and walked past her groom. “Whatever. If you’re sure you’re fine, then you should go ahead and pack up for the trip. We’ll all be leaving soon.”
“Oh…” Suletta looked down at her feet and frowned. “Uh, you can go ahead and get Aerial without me. I don’t mind.”
“Nonsense. She’s your sister, isn’t she? I’m sure you’d love to be reunited.”
Everything out of Miorine’s mouth just sounded like common niceties. It was as if all Suletta could hear was her bride exhibiting basic human decency, and not actually wanting to do something nice for her.
There was no arguing with her logic, though. “O-Okay. I’ll go pack up, then…” Suletta slowly walked out of the greenhouse. “I’ll see you later, Ms. Miorine.”
“Mmhm. Later.”
Not even daring to look back at her bride, Suletta left Miorine alone in the greenhouse and started towards her house. At this point, perhaps the only thing that would do good for her mood now was just to be reunited with her sister.