Chapter Text
Jon is slogging through his algebra homework and contemplating asking Damian to meet up for evening patrol when the doorbell rings.
He pushes back from the table and squints at the door. Using his x-ray vision, he can see a delivery man waiting on their welcome mat, holding…
“Mum,” Jon calls, getting up from the table, “are you expecting a gift from Dad?”
“I don’t think so,” Lois calls back from her office. She doesn’t have to raise her voice in a house full of kryptonians.
Jon opens the door. He can barely see the delivery man behind the massive bouquet spilling out of his arms. He doesn’t know much about flowers, but he can tell this arrangement is beautiful. And expensive. Red and black wild flowers sprout up between thorny roses, held together by a dark ribbon. Definitely not the sort of thing his dad would pick out.
“I think you have the wrong house,” Jon says.
The delivery man turns and checks the number on their mailbox. “Nope. This is it.”
Well, Jon supposes, it won’t be the first time someone tries to relentlessly pursue one or both of his parents despite them being happily married.
Jon is just wondering whether he has to contact the Justice League about this would-be stalker when Kon thunders down the stairs. “They’re for me!”
Jon blinks. “What?”
Kon shoves Jon out of the doorway and makes grabby-hands at the delivery man. “They’re for me.”
Kon takes the flowers gently, careful not to crush them. Jon stares at him in horror. Does he now have to worry about his brother also having a stalker? How long has this been going on?
Kon thanks the delivery man and nudges the door closed with his foot. Without waiting for Jon, he bounces into the kitchen with the armful of gothic flowers.
Jon follows silently behind him, mind whirring.
Kon settles the bouquet on the counter and fetches a ceramic vase from under the sink. Jon didn’t even know they owned vases.
The flowers are wrapped in soft tissue paper and fastened with a black ribbon. Kon unwraps them with practiced ease. The tissue paper is laid to one side and the ribbon is wrapped around his wrist like a bracelet. The flowers go into the vase with a splash of water.
Jon watches silently as his older brother fusses with the flowers, making sure they're arranged just so. He feels like he's losing his mind. "Are you, like, a pod person?"
Kon frowns, attention still fully on the bouquet. "What?"
"Since when did you care about flowers?"
Kon stops, frown deepening into a glare. "What, because guys can't get flowers? Not masculine enough for you, dude?"
"No! Of course not. I just haven't seen you like this before."
Kon runs a hand through his curls, gold rings glinting at the movement. "You totally have. You were there the weekend I got this, right?"
Kon points at his jacket–dark, expensive leather with a galaxy embroidered in gold along the sleeves and torso.
"Yeah, but you bought that yourself. Did… dude, did you buy yourself flowers? No offense but–"
Kon laughs. "There's no way I could afford this jacket. Or these flowers."
Jon grips the counter top. He has the sudden urge to lunge across the kitchen, tackle Kon to the ground and physically hold onto him. "Is Luthor trying to buy your loyalty again? Do we have to kick his ass?"
"No!" Kon raises his hands up defensively like he's read Jon's mind. "No way. This is all from Tim."
With fresh eyes, Jon examines Kon’s gilded leather jacket, designer jeans, the gold rings and earrings.. “Dude,” he says, not taking his eyes off the diamond pendant hanging from his brother’s neck, “Tim’s your sugar daddy.”
Kon launches himself over the counter and grabs Jon in a headlock. Jon yelps like he’s been stepped on and tries to thrash out of his hold. Gravity drops away as he attempts to fly away, but Kon holds on tight and Jon ends up floating upside down, legs kicking wildly in the air, face buried in Kon’s armpit.
“Kon, let me go!”
“Take back what you said.”
“Are you saying it’s not true?”
“Well, it’s–I mean it’s–” Kon shakes him like he’d shake Krypto when they’re playing tug of war. He can’t see it, but he suspects that his brother’s face is bright pink. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”
“What? True things?”Jon tries to twist away, but an errant kick sends the bouquet of flowers flying. Kon throws out a hand and catches it mid-air using TTK, still somehow managing to keep Jon squashed under one arm.
“JON.”
Jon winces. “My bad.”
Clark chooses that moment to walk through the front door with groceries. He blinks as he takes in the kitchen: one son flushed bright pink, the other one hanging upside down in a chokehold, and a giant bouquet of flowers suspended in the air, frozen with TTK.
“Afternoon,” Clark says mildly. “Nice flowers. Does your mother and I have another stalker?”
“Dad,” Jon says from where he’s still stuffed under Kon’s arm, “Kon’s a sugar baby.”
“I am NOT.”
“You totally are, dude.”
Kon finally releases Jon, who flies to the other side of the kitchen, out of arm's reach. He finger-combs any knots out of his curls from being stuffed in his brother’s arm pit.
Kon gathers the frozen flowers, gently easing them back into the ceramic vase. “It’s not like that. It’s just Tim.”
“Yeah, Tim,” Jon says. “Your sugar daddy.”
Kon almost drops the flowers. He whirls on Jon, who dives behind Clark. He has enough survival instincts to know when to abandon all appearances of bravery.
“No fighting in the house,” Clark reminds them, as he begins to unpack the groceries. “Tim still sending you gifts then, Kon?”
Kon, if possible, flushes even redder. “Uh. Yeah. It’s how he shows he cares.”
Before Jon can make gagging noises to annoy Kon more, Lois enters the room, called by the sound of the fridge. She spots the mountain of flowers by the window sill. “Oh, what a beautiful bouquet. Another stalker?”
Clark kisses her on the cheek as she passes. “Not this time.”
“Kon has a sugar daddy,” Jon says loudly.
“Is that all?” Lois says. “I already knew that.”
Kon groans. “I hate this family.”
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart,” Lois tells him. “After all, you’re not the only person in this room to be a Bat’s sugar baby.”