Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last thing you remember is Frenzy grabbing you and running home. Your home. And less running and more sneaking sprinting so as to not be seen by any of the night owls in the nice neighborhood the party was taking place in. All nice houses, picket fences, and a dog house in the yard.

The princess carry he has you in isn't too bad either. If he put any more swing into his arms you'd probably throw up from motion sickness though. All in all this is a very pleasant, if drunk, ride.

Between one slow and inebriated blink and the next the scenery around you changes from a nice neighborhood with street lights to the road leading to your house. You groan and shift. The hold your in might not be the worst but your power nap while wrapped in metal arms is going to be the death of your spine.

You tap at Frenzy. Still drunk but much better off than when you left. "We're home?"

"Yeah that's where we're meeting the boss you know?"

You groan again trying to get blood back into your numb legs. And ass. Your cheeks definitely need to be let free. You feel cold and rumpled and nauseous. You haven't even had a chance to be hungover yet and you're already experiencing the symptoms.

With a half muffled snicker he lets you down. Frenzy keeps a hand on you in case you stumble or fall after your drunken ride / nap.

"There ya go babe. Nothin' bad. " his hand skims over your shoulder. You Humm at him in answer while you get your bearings.

You can't remember what was going on. They were taking you to meet someone?

The boss. Their boss. Their boss who is also their dad and also a giant robot.

(Technically they're also giant robots but the miniature sized version.

No one would ever tell them they don't get to be classified as giant robots or they would probably step on and squish them like a grape.)

You take a shake breath and straighten your back. Time to make a good first impression on your…weird robot roommate's robot dad?

What are they technically?

They don't really live with you. They don't pay rent or any bills.

They're bumming off you really. They crash at your place, sometimes literally, and you don't get anything out of it aside from their company.

No. You're not having this drunken realization at ass o' clock in the morning. You straight your top out and turn to face where you're sure their dad boss is.

Instead of a towering angry robot dad you see a small blue boombox. Like someone just left their cassette player on the road leading up to your- oh that's probably the dad in question. You kind of forgot the whole… transforming part of being a robot.

You clear your throat. You can't keep your hands still. Twiddling your fingers and smoothing them down your legs. "Hey, uh, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I would have been here faster if I knew this was happening. It's nice to finally meet you. I haven't heard much about you honestly. Uh, I'm not usually like this?"

You're rambling. Your fucking rambling at a boombox of all things. It's probably a pers-...robot. that doesn't change anything though.

Rumble is snickering behind you and you're so embarrassing. Why is he laughing?

"I doubt this is how our first meeting should have gone. Me tipsy and you sitting in the dirt." You lean against Frenzy's arm for support. There's no way you aren't blowing this. He hates you.

"Uh, would you like to come in? I don't think you'll fit in my place regular sized but I can sit you on my couch?" Frenzy makes a weird 'snrk' sound like he's trying not to snort. Which genuinely is much nicer than you would expect from him.

The boombox unfolds into a little man with a series of mechanical clicks, swooshies, and other unnatural mechanical noises that you don't have the brainpower to name. He stands there in all his robot glory. Maybe a fourth of the size he should be. Maybe smaller. Your brain has stopped working.

"Greetings," he holds his hand out. "Designation: Soundwave. Cassettes have gathered information on you."

That sounds a little threatening if you've ever heard a threat before. Rumble breaks down laughing beside you. "Boss means we've told him a bunch. " He manages to get out between giggles.

"He's excited to meet you and hopes you're as interesting and sweet as we've told him!" Frenzy pitches in. You wish he hadn't because now you know their robot dad has expectations. He's going to be so disappointed that you have a dead end job, limited experience in everything, and know too much about crop rotation and plants in general.

You groan under the weight of it all but still delicately take his hand. "I hope it's mostly …good things."

It's weird but it seems like he has finer details on him. Like he has extra pieces here and there that feel like they are now disproportionate. Like he should be bigger. You already think he should be bigger so maybe it's just your preconceived ideas of him.

Soundwave gives you a single nod and releases your hand.

With introductions out of the way you lead him into your house. He has to duck to get inside and stand at a slight angle once inside. The pit of height he has on his kids isn't doing him any favors here.

You eye your couch. It's barely put up with the twins sitting on it and you really don't want to push your luck with trying all three of you. It might just give up the ghost and crumble.

Like he's reading your mind, Soundwave walks around beside your couch; then sits on the floor. It takes a bit of maneuvering but he manages. His kids keep slapping each other and gesturing at him like it's the peak of comedy. It might be but you're too nervous to find it overly funny. You do crack a smile at him when he looks at you expectantly.

You sit on the couch, back straight, and wait for the twins to eventually join you.

This is so stressful and you would have taken a drink for the road if you knew your night was going to end up like this.

Chapter Text

You all sit in awkward silence for, realistically, probably a handful of seconds but it feels like you're going to die here. Just you and the criminal robots that you have come to be way too comfortable with and their boss slash father figure.

Who knew that if you hadn't gone outside to investigate the smoking hole in your flowers all those months ago that your life could have been normal. Just a normal retail job. Just a normal life in your tiny house growing normal human produce.

This could be worse.

"So this is super exciting and all but I really want to watch some thriller re-runs after we do the whole 'meet n greet' thing." Frenzy finally chirps in.

Now or never, "Okay, so I want to make a good impression but I'm very nervous. Prolonged exposure usually makes it better! I'm sure I'll get used to you just as fast if not faster now that I've had you guys in my house so frequently. "

You mean it to be encouraging but you sound so strained.

"I mean that's assuming you- uh be here as often? Not that you have to. You have a pretty important job right? Something about command?" Oh abort! Abort! "Not that they have been telling me anything confidential, just that you're busy!?"

The grip you have on your own leg is going to bruise worse than any your metal friends have given you. You just know it. Death grip and all that.

The twins are vibrating with laughter beside you. They haven't seen you this nervous and riled up in forever…if ever.

The silence settles back in while you think Soundwave absorbs your word vomit.

Then it breaks just as quickly.

"Observation: human is nervous. Risk of threat is low. Inquiry: about yourself?" He chimes in. The monotone is still a little throwing. Like, people don't really talk like that. Feels really military for some reason.

"Oh, about me? Just general information?" You get a nod at your question.

"So I went to a community College but didn't do anything notable, I work at the little red retail store across from the Cum n' Go gas station down the road, and I have a hobby of farming?" You can't help how your voice slowly starts rising in pitch like your double checking with him. You also do your best to absolutely ignore both Frenzy and Rumble laughing at the gas station's name. It's a fine name. Nothing wrong with it.

Anyway.

You wish Soundwave had a mouth so you could tell when he was going to start speaking.

You end up continuing before he can say anything to that. "I have a few friends but we don't keep in close contact. I'm a hermit more than anything! The last real party I went to, or really most parties I go to, I end up leaving early with these two. "

The even breaths you're taking do little to actually calm you down but your heart rate isn't through the roof like you expected.

Rumble slaps you on the shoulder. (Ow) His grin is wide and a little mean but you don't take It personally. You know you're a mess. "It's not an interrogation. Let the man speak!"

Your mouth clicks shut and you look at your floor. Okay, you can do that. It would probably be easier to know when he'll speak or what he's thinking if you could see his face. He's got the whole thing covered up like if his robot-y skin touches the sun it'll burn…or more realistically it's some kind of fashion statement. Maybe he's private or had a sca-

You zoned out. You're still too drunk for this. Your eyes snap back to Soundwave and you clear your throat. "So, that's me. Unremarkable and probably safe. "

You blink at him and try your best

He makes the most peculiar auto tuned monotone laugh.

You might be offended he finds your nervous rambling funny if you weren't so distraught over him having the world's worst laugh(™)

His shoulders bounce with it and he shifts his legs to rest his hands, face down, on them.

You open and then close your mouth with a click. No real words formed yet but maybe the idea of a snarky comment on him keeping you in suspense for his own amusement. No reason to point it out when the chances of it being true are so high.

"Rumble and Frenzy hangout location secure. Original inhabitant observation: Unremarkable and probably safe." Technically you can't hear the smirk in his voice but you definitely hear the smirk in his voice.

"Well…that's a relief. Uh, I'd offer you something to drink but I only have juice and water and I've been informed you don't need either of those things."

Frenzy slaps his knee with the force of the sun. The clang causes you to shoot off the couch clutching your ears. "FRENZY?!" Rumble grabbed at you but your managed to put enough distance between you that he just grazed your arm.

"OH, BABE, SORRY. Sorry!" The red bot holds his hands out. "I just-your ears?"

Like he couldn't decide what was the best way to say 'sorry. I'm a dumb ass'

Rumble shoved him. "What the fuck was that?!"

He doesn't even look upset with Rumble for shoving him around. "I just remembered that I was gonna ask Boss if we could put up a small solar despenser. Something tiny and kinda inefficient."

"The ones that make the sweeter weird energon?"

"Yeah. Like we had in the apartment window till the neighbors tattled and it 'mysteriously vanished.' We could put one in here and have a little snack!"

You rub your hands over your ears. No blood but you feel like everything is muffled and your going to have nightmares about that sound. "You want to install a drink stand at my house?"

"It'll convert solar power into drinkable energon. It's light and doesn't carry much of a charge but then you won't be so weird about never being able to offer us stuff. "

You wouldn't call it 'weird' , you just feel like a bad host because you can't give them snacks or drinks when you sit down to have dinner and they all just awkwardly look at you eat your hot plant matter and water. There was that time Ratbat tried some of your soda and he ended up making a mess all over your rug cause his systems automatically rejected it.
Wait.
The boys had an apartment? Or do they call their room in their mysterious base their apartment???
You thought they were underwater?
No, no, enough of that. Back on track.

Still rubbing your ears you walk back to the couch. "I guess. As long as it's not noisy or going to harm my plants?"

Frenzy waves his hand at you like he's waving the idea away. "The smaller they are the quieter plus they don't really have any emissions. That's what makes them cool. Solar energon is like lemonade for you. It's light and fresh but doesn't really do a whole lot so it's not a very profitable way of manufacturing it!"

"You sound like you know a lot more than I thought you did about where your food comes from. I know where some of mine comes from but that's because it's outside in the ground d right now. " Rumble scoops you up and sits you on his knee. You hold onto his thigh because you don't want to get your fingers caught in his knee joint.

"We were Miners!" The twins chorus at you. You nod like you can see them with a pickaxe covered in coal.

Chapter Text

You clear your throat again. Hopefully Soundwave doesn't think you're getting human sick though him assuming(correctly) that your nervous is just as bad.

“Soz it's been lovely meeting you but I am still at least a little drunk.” You say; as you wish you were more drunk. Then this probably wouldn't be so scary. You'd probably be at least three sheets to the wind. Maybe more!

His visor flickers briefly. “Observation: human not as inebriated as first believed. Opinion: meeting concluded. Next meeting should be scheduled at a more desirable time.”

And then their boy's navy blue dad boss gives you a little nod and starts making his way to the door. You scramble up to follow him because at the end of the day you are a good host even if you're apparently “weird about wanting to feed people” but that's probably just a cultural difference.

You don't actually make it to the door to show him out.

You in fact stuff your toe on what is either Frenzy's giant metal shin or the leg of your couch. Either way there's a pop noise and you double over in pain. The noise that you release is probably closest to a bark but you'll fight that you yelled “fuck” till your dying breath.

The couch let's out the most depressed creak as the boys leap off it to hover around you. Someone has a hand gently on your shoulder and someone's asking questions but you can't hear them through the concept of pain in your foot.

“Guys it's okay. “ you manage to grip out through your teeth. It literally can't be that bad. You have shoes on. That noise was probably just the materials colliding. Your toes are probably safe and not obliterated.

“Babe, no?!” What sounds like probably Rumble says while rubbing your back.

“Did you like, break your bones? Do you need a doctor or is that something you can heal from since it's still inside of your body?” Definitely Frenzy asks.

Soundwave turns around. Which is mostly a weird shuffle so he isn't looking under his armpit at you. This amount of attention is both highly embarrassing and also kind of flattering. You knew the boys liked you and had at least an interest in your general safety but having them this worried about what is probably a jammed toe is nice.

“I probably jammed it. I atleast have shoes on so it's probably not broken. I'll ice it and then I should go to bed before I make a fool of myself. “ You giggle nervously because this is still very awkward.

Frenzy goes from looming awkwardly to holding you against himself. It's a little loose but you don't feel like you'll fall. “I'll get you to bed.”

“I can make it on my own. I also have to change.” You see Rumble run to the kitchen for ice. “Make sure to wrap it in a towel or it'll freeze my skin.”

He shouts back an affirmative as Frenzy carries you away.

You look over his shoulder at Soundwave. You give him a little wave as you are carted off like an invalid. “Sorry to end the night so dramatically. Let's hope our next meeting goes well and I'm not drunk.”

He doesn't respond but he does watch until you disappear around the corner. What an awkward guy. Hopefully he locks the door.

What do you care actually. Who in their right mind would rob you. All you have are root vegetables and killer robots.

Frenzy sets you on your bed and you pull off your shoe. You feel the sides of your big toe. It's a little swollen but nothing is horribly discolored and it isn't unbearable to touch. So it shouldn't be broken. You tell this to the twins and they nod like that is reasonable to them. You ice it for a few minutes before deciding going to bed right now is probably a great idea.

“Okay boy so it's time for you to leave so I can change and go to bed. “

“Why do you need a different outfit to sleep in? They do that in the movies but I thought it was an aesthetic choice signifying sleep in the movies?” Rumble tosses in while pulling out a ratty green t-shirt you stole from your old highschool crush during a party.

“Uh, usually coverage and comfort? I guess some people sleep naked but I'd really at least like my shirt since I never know when I'll have company.” He hands you the shirt and you start fiddling with it while he watches.

The boys both just look at you like they're expecting you to strip.

“Usually this isn't done with an audience?”

“We were just waiting to see if you'd need any help.” Rumble adds helpfully.

“I won't but I will be mostly uncovered and that would be embarrassing for all of us if you saw me like that??” It comes out more of a question than the statement you wanted it to be.

“You'd be all flesh toned right”

You can't help the sigh that leaves you. Tonight is going to get long and you already thought it was at its max.

“Yeah and that's intimate. I thought we'd talked about this?” At this point you aren't sure what was said and what you thought at them really hard.

“Maybe next time when you need help with your night clothes we can help!” Frenzy ruffles your hair a tad too aggressively before leaving. Rumble is a step behind him nodding at you. Like the power of him nodding will convince you to let them tear your clothing apart to look at your squishy human center and, who knows, play dress up before putting you to bed. Maybe they want to look at human skin up close and they'll make weird comments about your peach fuzz and skin oils?

You have to cut that line of thought off early before you start thinking about what they look like naked.

You try to get into a position that keeps the ice on your foot but also is comfortable.

The sound of the TV volume being adjusted up and down comes through the walls before settling on something just below understandable.