Chapter Text
Baby, You Can’t Get Rid of Me (no matter how hard you try)
Adrenaline floods his veins as fresh, crimson blood splatters across Sasuke’s ivory cheek and the shimmering light of human life, the last vestige of the soul, slowly dims in his victim’s eyes. It’s what he lives for. Nothing in the world can compare to this feeling.
For now, he is riding the high of ending another person’s life, at the peak of the rush. Sadly, he knows it won’t last for long and he will be plummeting back to earth soon enough. Back to the mundane. The day-to-day. Things like dealing with people he doesn’t plan on murdering, sharpening kitchen knives (for actual food, he’s not that kind of serial killer), and cleaning his home to keep it tidy and dust-free, not to make it look less like a crime scene. It’s doing this—killing people—that keeps Sasuke from completely losing it. The thrill of being in so much control. This is Sasuke’s version of a high, and it feels incredible. In this fleeting moment, Sasuke is overcome with nothing but unadulterated joy.
He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath to really savor the moment, reflect on the whole experience… only for his annoying next door neighbor to start yelling and their loud, annoying rat dog to yip incessantly, pulling him out of the post-murder bliss he had going. This seems to happen more often lately, leaving Sasuke increasingly inclined to pull a serial killer trope and move to some farm in the middle of nowhere (but then who will he kill?). At least he’ll have some peace and fucking quiet for once. Maybe he should just murder his neighbor…
The moment’s gone, and now he has to clean up, which really isn’t too bad, just the usual dismembering, nothing Bounty, bleach, and bin bags can’t handle! Still, he can’t help but feel a little… dissatisfied… with how this particular kill ended (stupid neighbors and their stupid little dog). Maybe once he gets things a little more sorted he can go out and find a new culprit to kill. Until then, he has a body to prepare for disposal.
The local brewery is a decent enough place to find an unsuspecting victim or two. Going to a club is too cliche for Sasuke, but going to a place where alcohol flows is helpful. People seem less likely to be suspicious and more likely to go home with a serial killer after a few drinks. Not that anyone knows he’s a serial killer, Sasuke is a professional after all (no one has made a documentary about him yet, and they never will).
This particular venue is new and swimming with so many people that even Sasuke, who is realistically stunning in his features, generally blends in. And has his pick of the litter. While everyone else is enjoying themselves, catching an after-work drink or meeting up with friends, Sasuke’s mind is working hard to read every person who catches his eye. When selecting a victim—much like when selecting a potential partner—there’s a lot to consider!
Is this person here with someone?
Are they waiting for someone?
How lonely do they look?
How desperate do they look?
Does Sasuke like how they look? (He’s picky.)
Can Sasuke catch their eye? (The answer is usually yes, he is crazy attractive, after all).
There’s a lot of body-language reading that has to be done with utmost subtlety, which Sasuke has all but perfected. Nothing can take him off-guard.
“Woah, sorry! I didn’t mean to—” a panicked voice exclaims from behind him, suddenly he feels something cold trickle down his back. Turning in his barstool to see the idiot who spilt sticky beer down his back, Sasuke is met with the biggest, bluest puppy dog eyes he’s ever seen. They are so deep and pretty, he’s actually taken aback for a moment. For the first time in a long time, Sasuke is frozen in place.
“Here! Let me wipe you off,” the idiot rushes out, moving to take off his t-shirt which snaps Sasuke out of whatever trance those puppy eyes unintentionally put him under.
“No—no, don’t do that. Napkins will be fine. Bartender!” Sasuke calls, not taking his eyes off the man in front of him. He’s really, really cute. Messy blonde hair, youthful face, bright blue eyes, and just a touch shorter than Sasuke. Yes, he’s perfect .
“I—I’m so sorry,” he continues to ramble, reaching for the napkins plopped on the bar in front of Sasuke and moving to dab at the beer down his back.
Instead of showing any signs of annoyance, Sasuke forces an easy smile onto his face. “It’s fine, accidents happen. It’s busy here tonight anyway.” He can hear the cute blonde sigh in relief. “You don’t have to clean me off too much, don’t want to keep your friends waiting.”
“Oh, I’m not actually,” the stranger laughs nervously behind him. “I’m just kind of here, I guess.”
Sasuke lifts an eyebrow. “You’re just kind of here…?”
“Yeah… like… by myself. Sad, I know. All of my friends were busy, at least that’s what they told me. I think I annoy them sometimes… but I wanted a beer… Oh, sorry! You don’t care. I’ll just leave you—”
“How about I buy you another beer? To replace the one you spilled?” Oh, this night keeps getting better and better. Twisting to give the blonde a friendly smile, he meets those expressive eyes, finding them welling with… tears? Oh god…
“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you, or anything…” Shoulders deflate, making him really look like a golden retriever who just got kicked. It’s terribly sad and pathetic and Sasuke finds himself gesturing to the barstool next to him again.
“Of course it’s fine. It’s bad luck to drink alone,” Sasuke reiterates. The deep blue eyes that were brimming with tears just a moment ago widen in surprise.
“Is it?”
“Is it what?”
“Bad luck to drink alone?” Sasuke’s eyes narrow ever so slightly in confusion at how someone can be so stupid, but quickly adjusts back to ‘nice, charming stranger.’
“Uh, yeah, sure…” He doesn’t care to clarify that he was just being friendly (even if it is disingenuous). This idiot will be dead before daybreak, so it doesn’t really matter. Sasuke’s eyes trail over the dumb blonde’s (nice) body settling in the seat next to him. He’ll be able to really admire it when he cuts it up into tiny little pieces. He’ll be sure to savor it.
“So…” Sasuke starts after his future victim has ordered a new beer, “I should probably find out the name of the man I just bought a beer for.”
The airhead lights up, clearly turning all of his (seemingly limited) focus onto Sasuke. “I’m Naruto! Nice to meetcha! And thanks for the new beer…”
“Sasuke,” Sasuke fills in, smirking at Naruto’s oversized graphic tee. “Are you a fan of Spinal Tap?” He jokes, gesturing to the shirt. Confusion plays at Naruto’s features for a moment before he looks down at the shirt he’s wearing, realization seemingly hitting him like a truck.
“Oh, yeah! I really like their song, oh what is it called… Stairway to Heaven?” Naruto responds with a big smile and equally big sip of his new beer. Sasuke doesn’t let his stunned silence linger for long, quickly moving on to another topic of conversation.
“You seem to know a lot about music, is it a hobby? Or a job…?” Sasuke leads, trying to get Naruto’s guard down. Although the airhead sitting next to him is so open, he maybe needs to try and get his guard up a little more.
Naruto smiles bashfully, a finger tracing the rim of the pint glass. “I like music, just like anyone, but I don’t have any talent for it. I actually work at a dog daycare.”
“A dog… daycare?” Sasuke asks. Naruto completely lights up at the question.
“Yeah! A dog daycare. It’s like a daycare for kids, but it’s all cute little doggies. I love them so much, I wish I could have a dog. I guess this is the next best thing. The dogs love me so much! Especially Callie, Rufus, Peanut—even though I’m allergic, Honey, and Miles! They are so cute, and I get paid to play with them and squish their little doggy faces all day!”
Sasuke just blinks. He’s never, never , encountered someone like this. Every dumb word that comes out the (dumb) blonde’s mouth only confirms further that Sasuke will be doing the world a favor having one less ditz bumbling around. He already inferred earlier that his friends aren’t crazy about him, so the only ones that are going to miss him are a bunch of mangy mutts. And here Sasuke thought the day was ruined, only for the perfect candidate to land perfectly in his lap—well, spill beer on his back. Technicalities.
Conversation flows easily enough between them, if conversation can be defined as Naruto talking Sasuke’s ear off about dogs and incorrect music facts (Stevie Nicks is a woman, but Sasuke’s not going to correct a soon-to-be dead man). They’re several beers in, and Naruto is such a sloppy drunk Sasuke doesn’t even bother drugging him, it will only make it harder to get him back to his place. Which is something Sasuke has been carefully implying the entire night.
Subtle touches, sly smiles, sultry eyes when appropriate (which Sasuke employs perfectly, he’s a very good serial killer, after all). The effects on Naruto are stupidly obvious, he goes from being a regular idiot to a blushing, bumbling idiot who completely stumbles over his words and forms sentences with even less grace than before (somehow). It’s oddly cute? Then again, everything about Naruto is oddly cute. Sasuke finds that he isn’t totally bothered listening to him ramble on. Such a shame, really.
Oh well, it must be done, for Sasuke’s sanity. And he’s starting to feel a little antsy.
In a bold move, Sasuke’s hand goes to Naruto’s thigh, making him pause his slightly slurred speech on some old MTV dating show Sasuke really couldn’t care less about.
“Hey, Naruto?” Sasuke lowers his voice, moving in a little closer. Naruto shivers. “Would you like to go back to my place?”
Those deep blue eyes gleam in drunken excitement. “I—” Naruto rasps, leaning in close enough that Sasuke can feel his warm breath across his cheeks. God, he is cute… “I really want to, but…”
Sasuke tilts his head slightly, trying to come across as understanding and safe. “But…?”
Naruto gives him the most sincere look Sasuke has ever witnessed. “I don’t know where you live.”
Sasuke can feel his soul die at that moment. Yep, for once he might be doing the world a favor.
Naruto is way too comfortable with Sasuke despite only knowing him for a couple of hours. How he can already be so impossibly clingy is a mystery to Sasuke, but it’s fine, it at least makes it easier to shepherd him into Sasuke’s home. Well, ‘easy’ is a relative term. It’s decidedly not easy to maneuver approximately 150 pounds of drunken Naruto into his house where he dumps the drunken mess on the couch.
Within two minutes he’s snoring loudly. Jesus Christ . If this was an actual hookup, Naruto would be the absolute worst. Luckily, this isn’t a regular hookup, this is something much, much better (in Sasuke’s opinion). Having Naruto pass out only assists Sasuke in restraining him for later, and it provides plenty of time to decide how he wants the poor idiot to go.
Silly, dumb, oblivious Naruto doesn’t even rouse a little bit as Sasuke begins to tie him up. Using the hemp rope he casually has stashed under the kitchen sink, Sasuke begins to bound him with complex and pretty knots. Sure, he’s a killer, but Sasuke appreciates the aesthetic of the kill just as much as the action itself. And Naruto, despite being utterly annoying when awake, is actually very pretty when asleep. Sasuke licks his lips. Naruto will be even prettier dead, so there’s that to look forward to.
Sasuke finds himself pausing to lightly caress Naruto’s cheek, flawless except for three whisker scars on each cheek that make him look like a mischievous little fox. “What a pretty kill you are going to be…” Sasuke mutters, smiling sadistically.
With a sigh, he steps away to evaluate his work and determine how he wants to go about killing Naruto. He’ll have to haul Naruto’s wasted ass into the spare bedroom, but that will probably be easier now that he’s asleep compared to when he was awake and sloppily licking at Sasuke’s neck. As for the method…
Moving to his hall closet, where he keeps some of his most treasured edged weapons for easy access (you never know!), Sasuke's eyes immediately fall to a dark red and black tantō. It’s an Uchiha family relic and will look so pretty protruding fromNaruto’s…
“Hey! Watcha lookin’ at?” Arms suddenly wrap around Sasuke’s shoulders, completely taking him by surprise, and Sasuke’s rarely taken by surprise.
“How… where… wha—” he stutters uncharacteristically, brain rapidly trying to wrap around how Naruto managed to get untied.
“Tying me up is really kinky, Sasuke,” Naruto nuzzles into Sasuke’s neck, leaving a few small kisses. “You used some pretty tricky knots, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone use constrictor knots like that! You have to be careful, I don’t think that’s bondage best practices, ya know.”
Frozen in stunned silence, Sasuke’s mind can’t seem to comprehend how Naruto has ended up wrapped around him again, like a hungry python. How in the fuck did he manage to work his way out of Sasuke’s bindings so quickly? Despite their best efforts, no one has ever been able to do that.
“How… how did you get out, Naruto?” Sasuke quickly closes the closet, thankful that Naruto is too distracted by attacking his neck to see the contents.
Pulling back, Naruto spins Sasuke to face him more directly, blue eyes sparkling in utter excitement. “I just untied them! I’m actually really good with this kind of thing. Did I mention that I was an Eagle Scout? Actually, one of my main project areas was innovative knot tying. In fact, I won an opportunity to live and work on a sailboat in the Mediterranean for a summer thanks to my knot tying abilities.” Naruto engulfs him in an overbearing hug, which Sasuke doesn’t fight—too stunned to speak. His mind can hardly comprehend what Naruto just told him. It’s way too outlandish, and yet, here stands Naruto, completely rope-free. Looks like tying him up is off the table. Time for Plan B.
“That’s very impressive, Naruto. And, honestly?” Sasuke makes sure to give Naruto his most endearing expression, which totally works as he can basically see hearts form in Naruto’s big eyes. “It’s pretty hot.”
Naruto perks up at the compliment, “You… you think so?”
“I do.” Sasuke moves in to capture Naruto’s lips in a deep kiss.
“Most people think it’s pretty lame—” Naruto’s self-reflection is cut off by more of Sasuke’s kisses. It’s partially to distract him, to get him where Sasuke wants him, and partially to just shut him up .
“Hey, let’s move somewhere a little more comfortable,” Sasuke whispers against Naruto’s surprisingly soft lips. Like the lost puppy he is, Naruto follows Sasuke back into the living room, allowing Sasuke to throw him onto the couch and crawl on top of him. Time and time again, Sasuke is shocked by how easily Naruto goes along with his whims. This man has no healthy sense of safety or boundaries. Convenient, really.
“You’re so pretty, Sasuke,” Naruto gives Sasuke the biggest, sunshiniest smile he’s ever witnessed. For a moment he almost wants to lecture the blonde for not being aware of the increasing danger. But he’s a serial killer, and Naruto’s poor soul will be out of his misery soon enough.
“Hn,” is all Sasuke says before grabbing the throw pillow behind Naruto’s head and smothering him with it.
At first, Naruto thrashes underneath him, fighting back. There’s some unintelligible, muffled yelling from under the pillow. Sasuke holds strong, hoping to at least get Naruto to pass out. After a few long minutes, Naruto’s body stops thrashing, going limp.
Fucking finally .
Sasuke waits just a little longer, mentally counting about five more minutes before removing the pillow from Naruto’s face. Naruto’s face looks relaxed, eyes closed and mouth resting in a small… smile?
Suddenly, those blue eyes (that Sasuke is pretty sure are going to haunt him forever at this point) shoot open, Naruto’s smile growing in the process.
“You are kinky,” Naruto sings, a finger lifting to playfully poke Sasuke’s cheek. Sasuke feels his soul leave his body—again. “Next time you want to do something as intense as breath play, can we talk about it first?”
Sasuke finds himself, yet again, engulfed in a massive back-breaking hug. He’s had more hugs in one night than he’s had in his entire life up to this point… which might explain why he gets joy out of killing people… That’s something to avoid unpacking later.
“How… how did you manage… that? This time?” Sasuke is almost too stunned to speak, again, and he is never too stunned to speak. Well, until tonight, that is.
“Impressive, right? So that summer I spent on the sailboat, I took up freediving! I can hold my breath for, like, twenty minutes on a good day.” Naruto looks so fucking proud of himself. Sasuke can’t help but be equal parts annoyed and impressed.
“That’s just…” Sasuke sighs, “...great. Any other hobbies you’ve been involved in that I might want to know about?”
Naruto’s cheeks puff and his face goes serious in concentration. “Umm, let’s see… I’ve done rock climbing, sushi making, still life drawing, artistic dog grooming, jujitsu, archery—”
“Ah, okay, that’s good,” Sasuke cuts him off, realizing he somehow chose the most interesting man in the world as a victim. “I’ll just hold back on the kinky stuff. Would you like something to drink? Maybe a water?” Sasuke asks, forcing a sickly-sweet smile on his face. Naruto doesn’t detect the strain in Sasuke’s voice or expression, nodding enthusiastically at the offer.
“That sounds amazing. Beer always dries me out. You’re so good at taking care of me, Sasuke,” Naruto leans up to give Sasuke an Eskimo Kiss (much to Sasuke’s displeasure and disgust).
“You have no idea…” Moving off of Naruto and into the kitchen, Sasuke makes sure to keep one eye on the unpredictable blonde at all times. He’s oddly easy to lose track of. Finally away from the clingy mess he brought home, Sasuke takes a moment to breathe deeply and come up with a new strategy. Usually he doesn’t have this much trouble forcing cooperation and getting to the good part of the night (the killing part). But Naruto… he’s something else entirely. Something Sasuke is clearly not prepared for.
It’s okay. Just makes it interesting, which is good. There’s really no excitement to killing easy targets, utilizing the same methods with little to no resistance. This is… a fun experience. He’ll come out of this a better serial killer with a funny story. At least that’s what Sasuke tells himself as he reaches for the most powerful sleeping tablets in his medicine cabinet to dissolve into Naruto’s water.
His mind is racing through all of the different ways he can go about killing Naruto. It’s no fun if it’s not a little creative, and Naruto is turning out to be a special case in every way. While stirring up the tablets into Naruto’s water, Sasuke’s eyes scan his home… There's still plenty of things he can do, but he needs to contain Naruto until he can figure something out. His eyes fall to the garage. Perfect. He can lock Naruto up there until he figures out where to go from here. Sasuke is especially smart, so he’ll figure out how to handle his ‘special case’ before Naruto has a chance to wake up. All he needs is a few moments of clarity without Naruto sneaking up on him (again). Sasuke is a successful serial killer with a perfect record. He can totally turn this around.
Picking up the glass, Sasuke moves back to where Naruto is sprawled on his couch. With another (probably unconvincing) smile, Sasuke holds it out to him. “Drink up.”
When the drugs finally hit Naruto, he stops mid-sentence (thank god) and falls to the floor in a dramatic crumble. They had moved to the kitchen where Sasuke fiddled with random tasks to pass the time while waiting for the pills to kick in and Naruto continued to talk his ear off. Sasuke was beginning to worry that Naruto was immune to the sleeping tablets too. Which, given the way this evening had gone, really wouldn’t shock him.
Thankfully the sleeping pills have finally kicked in, so Sasuke hauls Naruto’s limp body into the garage (how can he be so clingy even when he’s unconscious?) and subsequently dumps him onto the concrete floor. With a huff, Sasuke leaves the sleeping body there, making sure to lock the door behind him. Finally some quiet so he can think . It’s hard to hear his own thoughts with Naruto’s incessant rambling about anything and everything.
Standing in the middle of his kitchen, Sasuke realizes just how quiet his house really is. Has it always been like this? Or is he just adjusting from having constant noise for the past few hours?
Usually calm and collected, Sasuke’s mind is now chaos—running through all of the different ways he can go about killing Naruto. Maybe he could just push him off the roof? No, that means getting Naruto’s limp, clingy body up there. Plus, he lives in a one-story house, the roof isn’t even that high… So he should find a taller building! No, this is getting ridiculous—back to basics. What about just snapping his neck? Ew, no, that’s so ‘first kill’ of him. No joy to be found in that.
It’s jumbled and confusing and Naruto has completely thrown him off his game. Sasuke needs to calm his mind. And nothing calms his mind like sharpening knives—which he realizes is so stereotypical. Maybe he needs to pick up some other hobbies… like Naruto.
Self-reflection aside, he goes about collecting some of his favorite edged weapons—including his family’s heirloom tantō—and begins sharpening them at the kitchen island. It’s methodical, which makes it oddly therapeutic. Just a nice, mindless task that is still productive and allows Sasuke to reflect on what a wild night it has been thus far. Despite what a little voice keeps saying in the back of his mind, he knows he can kill Naruto. Whatever his next attempt is, it will be successful.
Rope is out of the question, but zip ties… Naruto can’t untie zip ties, and they are significantly sturdier. Usually Sasuke tries to avoid using them as they aren’t very visually appealing (and again, Sasuke cares about the aesthetics of what he’s doing), but Naruto continues to prove to be a special case.
Sasuke is unable to fully ruminate on this because a loud banging pulls him from his thoughts.
Bang!
Bang!
Crunch!
He isn’t even surprised when Naruto walks into his living room, rambling on, “If you want alone time, all you have to do is tell me! Also, you need a new door.”
Sasuke’s shoulders slump. He’s almost his wit’s end. Naruto is going to die. Soon. For the sake of his sanity, which is hanging on by an ever-fraying thread. “How—How did you?”
Naruto’s stance softens, big, dopey eyes looking over with so much love and understanding (understanding of what, Sasuke’s not entirely sure). “Did I forget to mention that I was a volunteer firefighter for, like, five years? I am really good at crashing through doors!”
Every muscle and fiber of Sasuke’s being starts to shake. “Is there anything you haven’t done?” His voice comes out tight, eyes looking down to the array of edged weapons scattered on his kitchen island, not caring if Naruto sees. He could probably claim to be a weapons restorer and the dumbass would actually believe him. No, he’s too busy trying to decide which one he is going to plunge into Naruto’s neck in what is basically just frustration at this point.
“Well, I’ve never been to most continents, which is something I would really like to do! And I’ve always wanted to try empanadas in Argentina, I feel like it will be more authentic. Oh, and maybe go to one of those cafes in Japan where they write your name on the omelets? I don’t actually like ketchup, but I really want the experience, so I can choke down some sugary tomato paste for it…”
As if he wasn’t already enough of an idiot, Sasuke now knows that he doesn’t like ketchup, which is adjacent to tomatoes, which is Sasuke’s favorite food, so yeah Naruto’s definitely going to die tonight.
“...I’ve always wanted to try pottery. But like the pottery where you use the wheel and make the stuff yourself, not just painting at the mall…” Naruto chatters on with seemingly no end in sight.
Sasuke’s hand wraps around the handle of his family’s tantō. Yes, Naruto has been his most challenging kill yet, and his most beautiful. He truly is worthy of dying by this gorgeous blade.
Sharp eyes focus on his prey. Naruto is distracted by his own voice, making this the perfect time to lunge. For Sasuke to make his move. So he does. In a flurry, Sasuke moves to close the distance between them, to stab Naruto in the chest. It’s a clear target, Naruto is so oddly relaxed and open around Sasuke, and there’s nothing standing in his way. Usually Sasuke prefers to do the ‘fun stuff’ in his spare bedroom, but he’s willing to compromise to just get rid of the blonde that won’t fucking die .
But Naruto—who must have been a professional tennis player at some point with his lighting-fast reflexes—manages to grab one of the knives Sasuke left on the countertop and actually block Sasuke’s advance with perfect form. Of course! Of course he does this. Because he’s fucking unkillable.
Sasuke should’ve left him at the bar. His life is ruined, reputation that he has so perfectly maintained in tatters. What will the conspiracy forums say about him now?
In a moment of blind rage, Sasuke continues to lunge at Naruto, desperate to leave even the tiniest knick on the flawless tanned skin. Scratch tennis player, Naruto must have been a professional knife fighter or ninja or something with how effortlessly he blocks Sasuke’s continued advances.
He can feel it—what’s left of his composure, his sanity, is slipping through his fingers. Naruto is pushing him not just to the edge, but well over it into an endless spiral of chaos and desperation Sasuke does not enjoy falling into. It’s a whirlpool of unshed tears and broken dreams. He feels like he’s the one dying here.
“Ya know, I haven’t had this much fun since kendo club in high school!” Naruto says, only sounding a little breathless as he dodges and blocks, never once moving to attack Sasuke himself. “We aren’t supposed to use real blades though, ya know that, right?” Sasuke backs Naruto into the cabinets, finally cornering him. He goes to wildly stab him in the face (an amateur choice of target and his technique is terrible but fuck it!). Everything goes in slow motion. Innocent blue eyes grow impossibly wide and the blonde lets out a small yelp. Sasuke can feel his heart beat in his hand where it grips the tantō, adrenaline coursing through his veins… This is it. He is going to kill this menace once and for all!
…That is, if Naruto didn’t manage to duck his head into Sasuke’s chest at the last moment causing the tantō to be driven deeply in one of Sasuke’s upper kitchen cabinets. Naruto’s arms wrap around Sasuke’s middle, but Sasuke only feels the world collapsing around him. He… is a really bad serial killer. And that realization truly makes him crack.
“Get off me!” Sasuke shoves Naruto away, sending the smaller man stumbling back into the adjacent wall. “Just—” His head snaps over to where Naruto looks like a sad, kicked puppy, “Just die !”
Naruto straightens up a little. “Gotta try harder than that, asshole!” Realization begins to flood the blonde’s features. “Also, uh, love the roleplay, although this last bit was a little intense ! But, what’s our safeword? And—uh, what is the scene? I feel like we should have discussed this beforehand…”
Sasuke crumples to the floor in utter defeat. “Please… please just leave.” At this point, Sasuke doesn’t even want to kill this unkillable idiot anymore, he just wants him gone so that he can tend to his bruised, serial killer ego. His perfect kill record means nothing to him at this point. All of his flawlessly executed kills and subsequent clean-ups don’t mean anything at the moment, because this is the first time in Sasuke’s life he has truly felt… defeated. Who would have thought genius, cunning, strategic Sasuke Uchiha was going to meet his match in an air headed blonde with too much life experience? It’s ridiculous, it’s unfair . This isn’t how the night was supposed to go. Sasuke is ruined . Everything he has built up to this point is in shambles, and now, he just wants to be left alone.
He’s suddenly enveloped in warmth and the familiar scent of too much beer and bright citrus.
“I can’t do that, Sasuke…” Naruto’s voice is soft as he engulfs Sasuke in a massive hug.
“Why not?” Sasuke snaps, trying to push Naruto and his overwhelming clinginess away.
“Because…” A bashful smile grows on Naruto’s dumb face. Blue eyes meet Sasuke’s, brimming with overwhelming emotion. “Because, even though you are kind of silly, I already love you.”
Ah. So this is how karma has chosen to smite him. Fuck.