Archive of Our Own

1.
The blow hit her harder than she was expecting it to. She had held up a good fight, all things considered, but somehow her best swinging and momentary break from glitching couldn’t keep her safe from Doc Ock’s vicious punches. Briefly Gwen wondered if it was unfair for the villain to have such strong machinery when she was forced to fight with only her webs, spidey instincts, and her bare hands. She was forced into a free-fall, too exhausted to register what was occurring. She looked around, admiring the splotches of color surrounding the room, multiple different universes racing to be the first to rupture from the collider. She thought she heard her name, turning her head away from the display of color. Sure enough, when she looked up she was met with the worried eyes of the newest Spider-man, Miles Morales himself. He reached his arm out, prompting Gwen to grab onto him. Dumbfounded, and grateful that she had her mask to cover the pink that was certainly spreading across her porcelain skin like watercolor paint, she fondly smiled and said the only thing her foggy brain could manage: “I like your suit.”

She knew without seeing his face that he was smiling wide, excited to have finally impressed the girl. She found herself grinning, too, despite them both still being in a bit of a free fall. “Thanks,” he said with a smug voice, “I made it myself.”

He shot a web towards his mentor, who grabbed hold of the string and shouted, “That was adorable team! Now hold on!”

Gwen reminded herself to facepalm later. She knew terribly well that Peter B. Parker definitely thought they were flirting. Wait, were they flirting?

She took a deep breath as Miles launched her forward, delivering a punch directly to Doc Ock’s excruciating face. Miles and Peter followed after her, causing their villain of the moment to stumble. The two teenagers shared a quick fist bump, celebrating their team work and Gwen’s rescue from nearly dying. “Buckle up guys,” she announced, “this is going to take a while.”

As Doc Ock approached the trio, a bus from who-knows-what dimension came flying, taking the doctor out in one solid hit. Gwen heard a giggle come from Peter and a gasp from Miles. “Alright, nevermind. Let’s end this thing.”

She watched as Miles and Peter once again debated over who would be the one to stay behind. Peter attempted to take control, claiming he was the one that had the goober, but Miles surprised them both by holding it in his hands. “Don’t watch the mouth, watch the hands.”

Miles jumped from the ledge, diving into the clutter of a multiversal collision as Peter watched him dumbfoundedly. Gwen couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t impressed. She watched him move with a new-found confidence, a new light. With no villains currently begging for her attention and only time to wait on Miles to fix the collider, Gwen allowed herself to be still and truly process the events that had occurred. She remembered when she had first made Miles’ acquaintance, when he pulled out a chunk of her hair and awkwardly slow-danced with her in the center of Brooklyn Visions Academy. And proceeded to refer to it as “puberty.” She giggled, hoping that Miles would one day learn what puberty actually was. She remembered watching him learn to become Spider-man in his terrible store-bought Peter Parker-esque Spider-man costume. She remembered, with less joy intertwined with the memory, harassing him with the other Spiders and humiliating him to prove he wasn’t ready. She remembered what she thought would be her final goodbye. A slight tremble overtook her body as she realized with trepidation filling her lungs that she had gone against her one rule, her one promise to Peter: that she would not distract herself with friends in order to save the city (and the multiverse) the way she wished she could have saved him.

“Guys! I got control of the beam! Get up here!” Miles shouted from the ceiling of the room. Gwen took a deep breath, swinging up to join him.

As the Spiders all said their goodbyes, Gwen bit her lip in anxiety. She didn’t know if she would ever see Miles again, and part of her wanted to shut down and cry at the thought of it. When had she grown to care for him so much?

He smiled softly at her, unmasked, and said in a voice almost warmer than his eyes, “Do I get to like the hairdo now?”

She removed her mask, a smile finding her lips as she remembered telling him you don’t get to like the haircut. “You know I’m older than you? Fifteen months, but it’s pretty significant if you ask me.”

“Well, Einstein said time was relative, right?”

There he goes again with that dumb physics joke. She fondly embraces the memory of a shy, puberty-less Miles walking into class late, making that stupid joke that wasn’t even funny, and her being the only one to laugh. She remembered how curious she had been about him. Knowing her cheeks were growing to be a light shade of pink (and knowing she could not blame it on the lighting), she chose to turn away as she laughed. “Nice.”

There was an awkward pause filled with tension and sadness and Gwen found herself worrying that would be the end of their goodbye. Miles broke the silence as her thoughts began to spiral. “Friends?”

She saw his hand sticking out in front of her and expected on impulse to see a look of desire, of want, of anything that required her to give more than she was ready for on his face. When she glanced up at him through her eyelashes, she was taken by surprise by the innocence of his eyes. His irises were a brilliant caramel dipped in honey, like the sun radiating as it makes its final descent, and his eyes creased in a way that was so understanding, so patient. She realized then and there what was occurring. The choice was hers. She would be the one to decide if she was ready to allow someone back in her life. It was a promise. A promise that should she let him into her barriers, something she hadn’t done since she had lost Peter, he would take care of her and be her friend. A promise that he would take no offense should she choose that it just wasn’t what she wanted.

Being provided with a choice for the first time since her biggest mistake was just so relieving, so gratifying. She felt herself release a breath of air, and it was only then that she realized how long she had been thinking. She looked up, seeing worry begin to sneak into his friendly eyes, and she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her face. A ghost of who she was prior to meeting Miles Morales, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Friends.”

She noticed the way a smile grew instantly on his vibrant and lively face, and she couldn’t help but smile wider at the sight of it. “Cool,” he whispered as he very obviously attempted to keep his cool.

She considered saying something dumb to end their goodbye, such as smell you later! but then she remembered that Miles Morales was sunshine and he deserved more than some crappy goodbye because Gwen was really going to miss him and maybe she cared about him a lot more than she wanted to be okay with. So she squeezed his hand one final time, looked into his eyes of golden rain, and whispered, “See you around, Spider-man.”

Neither of them could be sure that she actually would see him around, but for the first time in a long time, Gwen noticed her chest felt a little bit lighter and she allowed herself to hope that her utterance was a promise.

2.
She had been laying in bed, resting after smashing the drums at her band’s nightly rehearsals. She loved the Mary Janes, and she loved playing the drums even more, but lately her bandmates had been trying to get her to hang out more. She had been friendlier towards them since she had met Miles, and even more so since he had finally reentered her life after everything with Spot and the Spider Society had ended and they rebuilt their friendship (they all remembered the time when she had yelled at them, saying, “I didn’t join a band to talk about my feelings. I joined it so I could hit my feelings with sticks.”), but she had a long week and she still hadn’t told them that she was Spider-woman. She attempted to make up excuses, but she had a feeling they were starting to believe that she was retreating to her old habits.

Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.

She turned to her side, a smile sneaking its way on her face as familiar honey eyes and dark curls filled her mind. Thinking of Miles never failed to provide her with relief from the never-ending work that was being New York and Earth-65’s one and only Spider-woman. She remembered the days before she learned of a multiverse, how alone she felt in everything she went through. Then she met him.

She had broken his trust severely by lying to him about everything regarding the Spider Society, canon events, and his presence as an “anomaly.” Hurting him had never been intentional. She had just been too terrified to lose her place, to be stranded. She remembered how her heart had stuttered when they finally reunited and she saw how much taller he had gotten. And yet, his kind eyes remained.

It had taken a long time for Gwen to regain Miles’ trust. She knew she messed up. Apologizing to him was one of the hardest things she had ever done, for she knew it meant she could no longer run from her actions. She had to face them head-on. The worst part about this was knowing that she ran the risk of losing him forever.

In the midst of her fears, she failed to remember who Miles was as a person. What he had gone through. He needed time, and she respected that, but he was still Miles. He was still sunshine as a person. He would still be the first to tell Gwen that she was a good person, and a good hero, and she deserved to allow herself to be happy.

They found their way back to each other. In some ways, Gwen felt as though she was meant to be attached to Miles. Like one of the spiderwebs they had fired at one another once in a battle had attached too close to their hearts, causing them to not be able to separate. She noticed that even when they were separated by literal universes they still managed to find each other again.

It was no secret that Miles had feelings for her, either. It had been obvious since she visited him for the first time since their separation at the collider, when she got to witness the beauty that was Miles’ art style shining through delicate doodles and detailed depictions of herself. He was obvious, but confident, and had no shame. She was very aware of the fact that he probably knew of her mutual feelings. She had recently come to terms with the fact that yes, she did like Miles. Like, like like him. Him and his goofy grin and beautiful, accepting, innocent eyes, and tall stature, and soft skin, and soothing laugh, and terrible game.

She also knew that she probably liked him in more than just a like way. But she wouldn’t admit that to herself just yet.

As if he knew she was thinking about him, Gwen’s phone lit up from the other side of her with a text that was undoubtedly from Miles.

Sure enough, his bright and smiling face next to her gentle smile on her lockscreen was covered by a text from “Miles :)”:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/a-totally-real-playlist-i-remembered-to-make

i hope you like the playlist i made you :) i hope we can hang out soon and listen to it together

if you wanted

miss you :(

She felt a dumb smile explode on her face as she typed her response:
miss you more! thank you for the playlist, i’ll listen to it right now.

i promise i’ll visit you soon. i’ve been thinking about you.

about wanting to swing with you i mean!! goodnight.

She sighed, embarrassed by her inability to function when it came to Miles as of late. Opening the link, a giggle escaped through her lips and a rosy blush warmed her cheeks as she read the title and description: “catching crooks and hearts,” and “for my favorite spider-person in the entire multiverse who happens to play the drums very well. miss you.” The cover picture was one of their selfies together and she felt a swarm of butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. Sometimes Miles Morales was just more than she could handle. His loving words, his gentle glances, his careful affirmations. She pondered often on how she got lucky enough to be the one he chose to smother in his affections. Hesitantly, she considered a chance that the multiverse may have indeed tied a string around the two of them, keeping them intact, but then remembered how risky it was for her to believe in the multiverse. She had seen herself die.

She started the playlist from the beginning, feeling a fondness grow when she heard the familiarity of Sunflower’s intro. She somehow expected this song to be in the playlist, considering the millions of times that she had heard him sing it to her (whether or not he knew she was listening). Her mind slipped away into an appreciation of Miles’ voice, especially considering how deep it became as they grew older. She could say many things about Miles’ voice, but none of them could be spoken to him, or out loud at all.

Her train of thought was rudely disrupted by the melodic piano of a song she had never heard. She glanced down at the screen, reading the title to be “She’s Always a Woman” by Billy Joel. She had remembered her dad going on a tangent about this guy once, so she was surprised that Miles would listen to him (and that this guy existed in both of their universes).

Wait. Did he exist in Miles’ universe? She had known Miles for many years, and she fully believed that he would put in the effort to find songs from Gwen’s universe, analyze them like a true musician, and decide if they were worthy to send. She made a mental note to find a way to thank him and show him how much she cared. She focused on the lyrics, wondering if she could decipher why Miles chose this song.

She listened closely as the man sang about the woman he presumably loved. Her eyes welled up and she was suddenly blinking back tears as the ballad continued as an ode to all of his lover’s flaws, which he addressed, accepted, and loved despite. She understood quickly why Miles chose this song. He… felt strongly about her. He knew about Peter, knew how defensive Gwen could get, knew how she was quick to attack when she was feeling high-strung but could not explain that to a single soul. He knew this. He saw her. He accepted her. Hell, he probably loved her.

She wiped her eyes on her jumper sleeve and shook the tiny voice out of her mind that wished she was wearing his as the next song rolled in. She was familiar with this song, proving her theory that he did in fact make a playlist entirely of Earth-65 songs. She made a second mental reminder to find a way to properly thank him, and also figure out how in the world he managed it.

The song that played now was “Here With Me” by The Killers. She smiled, humming along to the soothing lyrics. She thought back to her polaroid with him as the chorus hit, and she thanked the stars above her that twinkled like fireflies dancing in the sky for the fact that Miles Morales was in her life, and here to stay.

As she progressed through the playlist, she realized very well what his intentions were in making it. A thought popped into her mind that immediately made her stomach turn in a love-driven anxiety, desperate for something to occur from the nothingness that was their ability to make bold moves. Did he listen to this as he drew me? Is this what makes him think of me?

It was very obvious that the songs Miles had chosen were all love songs, but one in particular caught her attention, shock and enthralment pulsing through her veins rapidly. The song was another by The Killers, but not one she had heard before. “Change Your Mind” filled her ears through her wired headphones and she found herself in a deep concentration as she listened. This song was unique for its chill vibes, hypnotic guitar introduction, and the increase of drumming in comparison to other songs that were on the playlist. The words, though, were what struck her (which was a first). As the lead singer sang of wanting to change his lover’s mind, convincing her to take a chance, Gwen’s brain screamed at her of the familiarity. A chill ran up her back as memories of the day Miles and Gwen had originally reunited etched their way into her mind.

They sat perched beneath the Williamsburg Bank Building’s upper ledge, staring down at Brooklyn’s casual citizens going about their business between a dripping sun. Gwen compared the sun to Mile’s eyes. They had been catching up all evening, swinging together and enjoying not being alone anymore. Sitting with him and listening to him discuss how they were the same (“in the important ways”), she allowed herself to realize that, yes, she really did miss him. In a way more intimate than she wanted to admit to.

“In every other universe, Gwen Stacy falls for Spider-man,” she started.

She sensed his hand move closer to hers, almost reaching out to hold it.

The feeling brought a sad smile to her face. “And in every other universe, it doesn’t… end well.”

His hand moved away and he sighed. Then, in proper Miles Morales fashion, he said, “Well… There’s a first time for everything, right?”

Looking back, after everything they had gone through now, she wished she had just held his hand in their moment of simplicity.

She understood deeply why this song had made it to the playlist. He was giving her a choice. Telling her he would wait should she ever change her mind. That same sad smile she wore at the confession of the multiverse fought its way onto her face once again as she felt the guilt of all she had put him through. The boy of pure sunshine, and he had been forced through hell.

The weight of the world at her shoulders and the guilt of her own actions puddling beneath her eyes in the shape dark circles that no amount of caffeine could fix beginning to take a toll on her, she found herself typing one final message to Miles:

goodnight miles, i love you.

She stared at it, took a deep breath, and deleted the text.

goodnight miles, thank you for the beautiful playlist. see you soon :)

Despite wishing him a good night, Gwen found herself awake until late hours, body aflutter with butterflies from mental images of shining amber eyes, soft skin, a pretty smile, and a beautiful voice.

3.
It was a terrible, horrible idea. One she announced to Miles with a shit-eating grin on her face and a bubbling excitement she rarely let show on her sleeve. The look she gave him received her an intrigued glance from Miles, followed by his signature sunshine smile. “What in the world are you plotting today, Gwanda?”

The nickname justified the eye roll that she couldn’t hold back. “I have a brilliant idea.”

“What’s that? Anything you think of is brilliant.”

“I wanna teach you ballet.”

“Okay, that’s not brilliant.”

A giggle escaped her lips without her consent. It was a habit she had developed as of late, as her and Miles spent more time together. “It so is! I think it would be fun. You’ve taught me how to spray-paint, I think it’s only fair that I get to teach you one of my talents!”

She braced herself, waiting for the argument that was going to come when he would ask why he couldn’t be taught drumming instead. Then she would explain that musicality is a talent not everyone gets naturally, and she would feel it a necessity to teach music theory and so on. So when he agreed with a soft smile on his face, she was pleasantly surprised.

“You’re sure?” she asked, double-checking despite her better judgment telling her he’ll disagree if she asked again.

“Yeah.” His smile grows like sunshine when he speaks and Gwen starts to fear she may faint from the warmth that takes over her face. “You just seem so excited. I bet I’ll be a natural at ballet.”

Miles Morales was many things, but he was not a natural at ballet.

Gwen laughed, watching him struggle to put his feet in first position. “Take a deep breath, Miles. First position is just a 90 degree turn-out, but that takes many years. Just aim for 45. Think of it like trigonometry. You can do it, I believe in you.”

She watched as he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he moved his feet together and slowly turned them in opposing directions. She felt her breath catch as she admired, noticing truly how beautiful he was. He really had gotten taller. The spider bite was easily a factor in this, but he hit another growth spurt recently and she couldn’t help but notice how nice he looked with his newfound height. She noticed the wideness of his shoulders, his muscular yet lanky legs, his fit torso. She had never seen herself as petite, but the more Miles grew she began to feel small in comparison. A small, self-indulgent part of her appreciated the height difference between them, imagining how perfectly her body would fit besides his. She especially appreciated it on the rare occasions when they would hug, watching how he would attempt to keep his cool. Sometimes she thought he did a better job than herself.

He opened his eyes reluctantly, glancing down at his feet. He looked up at Gwen, grinning like a child who had won a stuffed animal at a carnival. “Gwen! I did it! Look at it!”

Gwen smiled, shaking the thoughts out of her mind. She would chastise herself later for thinking them to begin with. “You did it!”

His face grew soft, almost nervous, as he removed his feet from the position. “So, what do you think?”

“What I always think. You’re amazing.”

The words came out in a heartbeat. They were words he had heard before. She noticed a slight tremor in his smile as he nodded. He remembered the words well, she knew he did.

“Am I done now? Have I impressed you?”

“Oh honey, wait till fifth position.”

Which was nearly impossible for Miles. She watched slyly as he repeatedly attempted to close the distance between his feet as they were parallel with each other, each facing 90 degrees out. She could see the discomfort in his face and wanted to laugh more than anything, but the part of her that held a soft spot for him stepped forward instead. “You’ve done well, Morales. Let’s move on.”

She watched as he bit back a sigh of relief. “Aw, man. I was just getting good at this.”

“Oh yeah, too good.”

She paced for a second as she considered what to do with him next before remembering steps from her last recital. She danced along in her pointe shoes, trying to find a piece of the movement that would not be too difficult for Miles (who donned a diligent pair of white socks in place of his ballet flats) to attempt.

She mentally listed a few moves he could try, turning to him with a soft smile. “Ready for more?”

Miles gave her a confident, gleaming smile (which she knew was fake). “Obviously. I’m Spider-man, I’m ready for anything.”

“Okay Spider-man, let’s try to do a plié into a relevé.”

He looked at her, eyebrows raised in confusion.

She giggled, mentally chastising herself for being so exuberant in front of him. “A plié, Miles, is sort of like a graceful squat. A relevé is just going onto your toes from a plié. Do you wanna try it?”

She modeled the dance for him, gently guiding him through the steps. He nodded, forcing himself into a wobbly plié. He was doing well until he attempted his relevé, losing his balance in the process. Out of instinct she reached out and grabbed his hands, holding him steady. She looked up, warm eyes meeting her gaze. She smiled, knowing well that beneath her watercolor eyes was a light pink blush. She allowed herself to look for a moment, to get lost in the magnetic glance that came from Miles. The patience. Her eyes dashed across his face, noticing tiny freckles on his cheeks. She glanced down at his lips, wondering if they were soft. She wished she could dip a paintbrush into his complexion and be able to properly capture the beauty that was Miles Morales on paper, but she knew she would never perfect her favorite details about him.

She cleared her throat, realizing she had been staring for far too long. Glancing away, she spoke softly with hopes of providing him with some bit of reassurance. “You’re doing great, Miles. Let’s do this a few more times, and I can teach you to do a sauté. Those are easy, and fun! We could throw a simple rond de jambe, too. I– I’m sorry, is this all okay? I don’t want to push you.”

He squeezed her hand, and she fought the urge to kiss him on the spot. Get it together Gwen, this was never supposed to happen. He smiled at her. “I’m okay, Gwen. I’m having fun with you. Let me perfect my relevie and we can move onto a sauté, and the other stuff. Just… could you hold my hands for the tip toes?”

She smiled at him, a tiny huff of laughter escaping from between her teeth. “Sure thing, Spider-man.”

The two worked on the simple moves hand-in-hand. Eventually she taught him the other pieces, finally ending with a sauté (considering how good Miles was at jumping, it was out of character for him to slaughter any renderings of grace on his leap. Still, he ruined it).

A smirk took the place of her soft smile and she glanced at him from behind her hair. “Hey Miles, would you want to try a partner leap? It’s more of an advanced movement, but all you would have to do is catch me. I do the actual leap.”

Miles looked shocked, probably at the revelation that she would trust him to do a partner jump. A smug expression took over his facial features as he said, “I’d catch you in a leap of faith any day.”

The fond memory of Miles’ leap of faith following Peter’s sorrowful pep talk danced in her mind as she took a deep breath. That’s all it is, Gwen. A leap of faith.

“Are you ready, Miles?”

“For you? Any day.”

She takes another breath. She backed away from him, nodding with confidence. As she did in her recital, she began her final movement with a pirouette from the fifth position. She spun once, twice, three times, leaping into a simple sauté. She landed the leap, going into a set of tondus. As she flexed her legs in her steps, she stilled herself for another simple turn. Finally, she stabilized herself, leaving the ground with her grand lepé. Miles stood in waiting, ready for her to jump to him. He caught her in his arms, spinning her around as she laced her arms around his neck for support. It wasn’t how her routine went, but laughter spilled from her lips uncontrollably and she only held on tighter, his arms holding her from her thighs. “Miles! Put me down!”

He was laughing louder, and Gwen wished they could live in this moment forever. “Never!”

The spinning came to a slow stop, Gwen still hoisted in Miles’ arms. She smiled down at him, staring into his eyes. She watched his eyes flicker down to her lips, hers doing the same. She almost did it, almost leaned in. She almost allowed herself to slip.

“Ay, we could totally beat them at Mario Kart. Let’s— Oh.”

Miles and Gwen both snapped their heads to the front door of Gwen’s home, seeing Pav and Hobie standing with mouths wide open. Miles quickly lowered Gwen to the ground, a dark blush covering the girl’s cheeks. “I— We— Why are you in my house?”

Pav smiled, handing Hobie twenty dollars. “We just wanted to hang out, that’s all!”

Hobie grinned, winking at Miles as he pocketed the money. “I don’t believe in knocking. Or boundaries.”

Aware that her face was growing warmer and redder in a very unsubtle fashion, Gwen stood in an awkward glare. “What do you guys wanna do?”

4.
She closed her eyes, picturing how she got herself into this situation.

It was his fault, really. It was his idea.

“We always swing in my dimension, I wanna swing in yours!”

He was just smiling at her with such sincerity and excitement. How was she to say no?

So she agreed to swing with him, and agreed to compete with their swinging skills. That was her first of many mistakes she made tonight.

Threading the needle went fine, and Gwen was impressed as always at how skillful Miles was at being Spider-man. She wanted a challenge, suggesting they swing through the traffic. That was her next mistake.

As they swung through the racing cars filled with desperate workers anxious to get home, Gwen kept a watch on Miles, fearful that like the first time they had swung like this, he would soon be taken away.

She assumed Miles had noticed the anxiety in her movements, as he started swinging more erratically and dancing in his moves to try to make her laugh. It had almost worked, until a large semi-truck came roaring through traffic at high speeds, and Miles didn’t hear Gwen’s warning in time. She watched as his back scraped the truck, sensing that he was seriously hurt. She couldn’t stop the scream of his name that fell out with her breath, fear creeping through her veins and strangling her heart. She swung closer, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the truck. “Miles! Are you okay?”

He was silent for a minute, dazed, before the fog in his mind cleared and he nodded towards her. “Yeah, Gwen, I’m fine! Don’t worry so much.”

He was lying and she knew it. She saw how he winced in pain with each swing. She grabbed hold of his hand, guiding him to swing in a different direction. “Come on, Spider-man. We’re going home.”

He blinked twice, confusion covering his mask. “Already? I just got here.”

She squeezed his hand softly. “No, dummy, I’m taking you to my house. You’re very obviously hurt and my dad isn’t home. Let me take care of you just this once, alright?”

Gwen watched as his spider lenses grew wide in surprise before he looked away, a smile undoubtedly resting on his features. “Sure thing, Spider-woman.”

She said a silent prayer that her dad would be out for long as she swung him in the direction of the home she grew up in.

Opening the window, Gwen snuck the two of them in, turning the lights on and shutting the drapes. She gasped at the sight of his wound. Even through the suit, it was easy to tell that the truck had badly impaled him. There was a deep red gash with blood soaking into his hand-made suit. She looked closer, seeing the multiple scrapes surrounding it, and her heart sank. She started removing the sweater she had been wearing, forcing it towards him. “Miles, I’ll be right back. I’m going to go grab my First Aid kit. Apply pressure on that wound, alright?”

He raised his hands to catch the sweater being tossed at him, voice ready to spill out in refusal, but Gwen fled the room before he could express his concerns of staining her pretty pink sweater. Still, he applied the pressure, knowing Gwen would be upset if he didn’t listen to her requests.

Shortly after Gwen returned, First Aid kit in her left hand and a cup of water in her right. She handed Miles the cup, proceeding to give him pain medication, which he accepted gratefully. “Miles,” she started as he drank, “I’m really sorry, but, um, your wound is kind of, well, it’s really bad. And I want to fix it for you, but, um, I have to, um. I need you to take your shirt off. Does your suit even do that? I’m sorry, I know that–“

“Gwen,” he interrupted, “I appreciate you. You’re cleaning up my mess again, and I appreciate it. I don’t mind removing my shirt.”

Words were suddenly a scarcity for Gwen as she felt her throat close around each syllable she tried to force out, so she settled for a nod as she glanced down at her hands. Being this nervous around him was out of character for her, they both knew this.

Miles had attempted to remove his top, stuck grunting at the pain that washed over him as the fabric grazed the laceration. He hissed in pain and before Gwen could stop herself, she was lifting the shirt over the cut and over his head. If her breath hitched when it was finally off, neither of them commented on it. “I’ll get started.” She spoke with a feigned confidence and prayed that Miles could not sense her false bravado.

Now she was here. In this terrible, horrible situation, with Miles shirtless and in need of help in front of her.

Turning to his back, she worked about sanitizing his wound. It was easy to avoid scattering her eyes around his back when she was this concerned about him. The task at hand, however, did nothing to pacify the worry that had been slowly eating away at her as the night carried on. Recently she had come to terms with the fact that what she felt for Miles was love. It hadn’t come naturally, however. It came to her during a conversation with Hobie.

”Gwennie, when are you going to tell Miles that you love him?”

The question took her by surprise, causing her to nearly spit her soda all over Hobie’s face. The four Spider-teens (Pav liked to call them the “Spideyband”) had decided to go out to a diner for dinner since it was a nice Friday evening and a new diner and arcade had opened in Hobie’s universe. Gwen and Hobie had chosen to stay at the booth to finish their food while Miles and Pav raced to the arcade section of the diner. It was a cute little place, and Gwen was going to mention that they should return very soon when Hobie surprised her with his sudden question.

“What are you talking about? I don’t–I don’t love Miles. I mean I do, but as a friend, Hobie.”

Gwen’s sputtering was most definitely proof that she didn’t love Miles. She sighed as Hobie chuckled, shaking his head. One of his piercings shined in the change of lighting. “Gwendolyne, I don’t believe in labels, or consistency, but you do. You believe in Miles. You’re fond on him, you can’t lie to me about that. You think we don’t notice the way you look at him? How you’re suddenly a giggling mess anytime he’s around? You ought to admit it to yourself, Gwennie. You love him.”

She rolled her eyes. No, no, no. This is not happening. Not here, not now. She wanted to ask how he could be so confident that it was more than a crush, but she had a feeling she already knew. Who would join a Spider Society to see one person (and to escape their dad), travel across the multiverse to save them after breaking their trust, allow someone within their walls, smile the way she did, and care so much that he always had a smile on his face, if she didn’t love him? She never understood what being in love meant. When she was really young, her father used to tell her that it was something you just one day understood. That you looked at that person, really looked at them, and decided they felt like home. It was a fact you just knew, not one that was discovered. There was never a distinct day when it was known. It just simply was.

Hobie broke the silence that inevitably formed and Gwen cursed herself, suddenly hyper-aware of the smothering quiet that had blanketed their table, utterly destroying any chance of redeeming herself that she may have had. “Come on, Gwennie. You’ve trusted him with your leap of faith before. Why would he drop you now?”

She knew he was right, but the stubborn part of her forced more words to fall from her mouth like blubber. She couldn’t lose to Hobie, even if the game was at the expense of her honesty with herself. “Okay, but what if he doesn’t like me?”

The look she received was one of those “I’m sick of your bullshit” looks that she earned from Hobie so often, and a small part of her wanted to laugh. The majority of her brain was mortified, realizing just how dumb her words were. “Okay, fine, that’s kind of dumb.”

He smiled, a hint of pride gleaming in his eyes. “It’s okay to jump and fall. He loves you, too, Gwen.”

She knew Hobie didn’t think of himself as a role model, but he certainly was one good listener, and an even better friend.

“Hey Gwen?”

Miles’ concern-laced voice snapped her out of her train of thought, forcing her to refocus on the task at hand. “Yeah, Miles? Is everything okay?”

He sighed. “I was about to ask you the same question. You’re quiet, and it scares me. Is it bad?”

“I’m sorry,” she forced out, anxiety dancing in her stomach at the revelation that she may have gotten carried away. “I was just thinking. It’s a little deep, but it’s nothing I can’t clean up. You’ve got to pay more attention, Miles. You can’t keep getting hurt like this.”

She knew it was dumb to worry, considering his spider abilities would help him heal sooner and the wound had already begun to close itself, but the part of her that cared too much about him was petrified. She knew he wasn’t a kid, that he knew what he was doing and could handle himself, and she didn’t want him to feel as though otherwise was true. She just hated seeing how he winced in pain (but tried to conceal it) as she disinfected the laceration. Her blood-soaked sweater and his torn shirt had long been tossed to the side, and briefly she wondered off-handedly if the floor would stain. Good thing her father knew she was Spider-woman.

Since Miles had broken the silence, she was suddenly privy to how precarious of a situation they were in, and knew she had to be vigilant on how intimate she allowed her thoughts to get. She made a mental note (something she had done often when it came to him) to commend Miles on how hard he worked to keep his feelings under wraps. She knew they were there, it was obvious in the way he looked at her, how he would jump at the chance to do something kind for her. But he never announced it, never made her feel uncomfortable. She realized, staring at his back as she dressed his wound with trembling fingers, that he gave her the choice in the same way he did when he offered his friendship, the same way he did when he sent her the playlist. His hand was taken off the dial, replacing it with hers. The choice is yours.

She reached for the bandages, grateful for the returning silence. She knew if she tried to speak now her voice would tremble in the same way her fingers lacked their usual elegance, replaced with a desperate tremor. Her eyes scattered along his back, mentally tracing the spots she knew where scars would be if he did not have his spider abilities. She almost ran her finger along the smooth skin, but snapped her eyes shut and took a deep breath. Get it together, Stacy. You aren’t supposed to feel like this.

She began wrapping his back, and forced herself to pretend that she didn’t hear his breath catch from the contact of her fingers with his skin. She couldn’t help but notice how nice her touch looked against him and found herself praying that maybe she would be the first to be doing this. The effect of seeing him like this, vulnerable and needing her and his bloody shirt discarded, had a larger effect on her than she was expecting. With wavering confidence, she went about wrapping his wound, having to move closer to him each time she wrapped around his torso. She bit back a laugh at how it almost felt like an awkward hug, memories of their first reunion infiltrating her mind. She heard his labored breathing and knew he was faltering in his resolve, too. It made her feel better.

She thanked her lucky stars when the bandage was done and she could back away from his intoxicating presence, able to breathe again. “All good?”

He smiled at her, softly, a look of acceptance and sorrow on his face from the loss of her touch. “Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry our fun evening of swinging ended early.”

“Don’t worry about it. Your clothes could use a wash, and I’m tired, anyways.”

She ran to her room, grabbing the spare outfit he had left here once as a “just in case.” She hoped it wasn’t obvious she had worn his jacket as she handed it to him. “Get changed. Wanna go get some pizza?”

His face lit up at the idea. “Give me, like, five seconds. You won’t even know I’m gone.”

He ran to the bathroom and she sighed at the closing of the door, a sad smile tugging at her lips. If only he knew how untrue that was.

5.
Drowning.

She was drowning in a pit of never-ending exhaustion, yet she could not find sleep for the life of her.

It had been an especially exhausting day. Her usual patrol took a twist for the worst as she had been harassed by multiple villains attempting to attack one another, then teaming up to attack her. Naturally she destroyed them all, but she still had to stop a handful of day-to-day crimes, go to band practice, and then there was still a pile of homework sitting on her desk when she arrived home. So yes, she was properly exhausted.

Stupid sleep wouldn’t come. Her stupid eyes wouldn’t stay shut, her stupid mind wouldn’t turn off, and all she could think about was Miles. She tossed and turned for hours, finally surrendering to her pestering thoughts as she reached for her phone. Her eyes were assaulted as her screen turned on. She didn’t bother looking at the time, choosing instead to just call Miles.

The phone rang once, twice, and suddenly her ears were alive with the sound of Miles’ soft voice. “Hey Gwen. Everything okay?”

She smiled into the phone. “Hey Miles. Are you up?”

“Nope, I’m sleep-talking again.”

“Ha-ha. What time is it for you?”

A pause. “It’s like, ten o’clock. Why?”

“I can’t sleep.”

Another pause. “Hold on.”

Gwen heard some shifting, followed by Miles talking to his mom in Spanish. She did her very best to bite back a smile as she listened. “Mami, ¿puede venir Gwen? Ella no puede dormir y necesita un amigo, y–”

She heard some mumbling from the other side of the call, assuming Miles’ mother was responding.

“Ay, lo siento, lo siento. ¡Gracias, mami!”

More shuffling is heard over the line, followed by Miles’ excited breath. “Come over.”

She smiled. “What would I do without you? Be there in a few.”

Packing a small bag, Gwen threw her watch on and decided to go in a normal day outfit. It wasn’t often they got to hang out so casually like this, out of the suit, and she simply didn’t feel like changing. She ran out into the living room, seeing her dad asleep on the couch. She was happy to see him resting for once. Since quitting the police department, he had been working countless other jobs to try and find a new living. It broke her heart to see how hard he had been working, and she could only hope that he knew it was appreciated. She wrote on the wipe board on the fridge: Be back in a little. I’m headed to Miles’. I love you. - Gwennie.

Climbing to the rooftop of their apartment building, she typed Miles’ location into her watch, grinning at the colorful collage that was a portal of dimensions. She jumped in, the familiar feeling of her body being stretched yet compressed all at once dizzying her already foggy mind. The portal opened up above Miles’ bed, something she had done in the past, although this time there was a familiarity from both ends. He looked up at her, making eye contact as his face radiated in excitement that she was here. She felt a sudden energy overtake her as she looked into his shocking and vibrant eyes, the dripping caramel appearing more honey-like than usual. “Hi.”

“Hi. Are you alright?”

She nodded, pulling him into a hug. “Missed you.”

He hugged her back, making this situation different from their first reunion and filling her stomach with that trembling anxiety and want. “I miss you, too.”

She sat in his warm embrace, self-indulgently soaking up his attention, for much longer than her mind deemed necessary (her heart would disagree. Her heart, and the swarm in her stomach, wanted longer). “Thank you. For having me over. I couldn’t sleep, and I was bored, and thinking nonstop.”

Miles nodded, freeing Gwen from his grasp. “I’m happy I could be here. Anything you wanna do? We could swing around for a bit if you wanted to.”

“No, that’s alright. I had a long patrol today, I don’t think I want to swing anymore. I never thought that would happen. But also, the last time we went swinging, you–”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“How is it, by the way?”

A concern overtook her cerulean eyes that she knew she couldn’t mask if she tried. They had been friends for so long now that he could easily read her face. As long as they had been friends, it felt like they had been liars dancing with their hands tied behind their backs for even longer. She wondered how long they would keep up this limbo they had mastered over the years. Almost friends, then almost enemies, then almost strangers, then almost friends, then almost lovers. At some points, especially when facing the risk of the collapse of the multiverse, it felt as though their titles had meshed together. They were a million things all at once, but never honest. A small section of her rationality asked if the reason they were in this feigned-oblivious state of everything-and-nothingness was because he wanted her to be the one to admit that they were running from the inevitable.

Miles saw the concern, and grabbed her hand. She hated how the simple action lit her body afire and her mind was focused on how nicely her hand fit in his. She had to do something about this soon. “I’m fine, Gwen. Don’t worry about me. We don’t have to swing if you’re not feeling up to it. Do you wanna play video games? My universe has Mario Kart, and I definitely could beat you at it.”

Confidence radiated through her glare as she smirked. “You’re on, Morales.”

He ran out to the living room, dragging her with him while their hands were intertwined. They plopped onto the couch, Miles releasing her hand to turn the television on. Gwen turned around, meeting eyes with Miles’ mom who stood drinking a cup of tea in the kitchen. “Good evening, Mrs. Morales. Thank you for having me over.”

Rio smiled softly at the girl with pink hair. Over the years she had grown to adore Gwen almost as much as she loved Miles. She hoped that one day her son would get his act together and ask her out. It was painfully obvious that the two were dancing around mutual feelings, but Rio knew that if she said something to her son he would deny it immediately. “It’s no problem, Gwen. I’m sorry you’re feeling under the weather. I’m headed to bed now, but stay as long as you need, sweetie. Miles, not too late, okay?”

He nodded, flashing her a smile from where he struggled next to the game console. “Sí, mami. Buenas noches, te amo.”

“Te amo mucho, mi amor.”

Rio headed to her room with a smug expression. “Goodnight, Mrs. Morales!” Gwen called after her.

She paused, then turned around and suddenly there were the arms of a loving mother wrapped around her. She was shocked by the touch, but embraced it and hugged her back. “Goodnight, mija.”

Tears welled up in Gwen’s eyes at the nickname. Miles had told her once that it was used as a term of endearment. “Thank you,” she whispered, and she knew Rio heard it. She squeezed her tighter before walking away to her room.

When Gwen looked at Miles, she was met with water eyes of sunlight . He looked away, embarrassed by his emotions. “Sorry. My mom has never acted that way towards a friend of mine. It’s nice. I’m happy it’s you.”

I’m happy it’s you. Those were the exact words that replayed in the back of her mind every time she thought of the first boy she’d ever loved. Gwen lunged towards the boy, pulling him into a hug with her arms around his neck. She held him close for a second before whispering into his ear, “Ready to lose, Spider-man?”

She pretended not to feel the chill that went down his spine, pretended not to feel the electricity pulsing in her veins at the closeness of him and his intoxicating aura. “You’re on, Stacy.”

Miles reached over to the coffee table, grabbing two controllers and handing one to her. She took a deep breath, beginning to form a strategy. She had played before with the Spideyband, but she had never played one-on-one with Miles. A smirk was displayed on her face as the countdown to the start of the race began, and it remained there until the end, mutating into a winning grin.

“I win! You suck! I win! You suck!” Her words came out in a sing-song as she poked and prodded at Miles.

“No way, you cheated! I demand a rematch!” he argued, trying to look mad. Even still, there was an adoring look in his eyes and Gwen had to fight the urge to kiss him (for the millionth time. It was a common occurrence at this point).

Several rematches later, and Miles still had yet to beat her. After their tenth match, she had started to feel bad for him, and let him win on the eleventh.

Miles sat in silence, head hung between his legs. Gwen felt her heart lurch at the sight and was fearful that a petty win was the wrong decision. “Miles? Are you alright? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just felt bad and–”

“I win! You suck! I win! You suck!” Miles’ head popped up as he copied her chant in her face. His face was glowing with pride, joy emanating from his entire being. Gwen felt a weight that she hadn’t registered settling lift off of her shoulder. She laughed wholeheartedly, forgetting that Miles’ parents were in the other room trying to sleep.

The moment settled and Gwen was all too aware of the closeness of their faces. Miles was nearly on top of her on the couch. She could feel his breath on her cheek and count individual specks of colors in his eyes. She took a deep breath, finding that it was getting increasingly difficult to concentrate on breathing, her mind more focused on how close Miles’ lips were to her own. Her thoughts drifted to how it would feel to kiss him, and she considered doing it.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” she said back, eyes focused on the way his lips moved when he spoke.

“Papí, silencio por favor.”

Miles jumped five feet in the air (and Gwen chose to bite back her laugh, though it was increasingly difficult when seeing the look on his face) at the sound of his mom’s voice, the door cracked open where Rio stood rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

If Rio saw the mess that they were, flushed faces and a great deal of distance, she didn’t say anything about it.

“Lo siento mami, we’ll go to my room. I’m really sorry,” Miles pleaded. Gwen could tell he was trying to avoid a conversation about what she had interrupted.

“Está bien mi amor. One thing, though,” she spoke as she crossed the room, leaning down to whisper something in Miles’ ear. Gwen watched as he nodded eagerly, muttering goodnights to his mom and kissing her cheek. Rio smiled at her, walking back to bed sluggishly.

Miles stood from the couch, turning off the console and the television at once. He stood, stretching his back out, and it took everything out of Gwen not to think of how good he looked, He walked over, offering Gwen his hand. “Come on, let’s go to my room.”

She nodded, grabbing his hand as she stood up. She considered letting go, but she enjoyed the feeling of their hands intertwined too much. Instead, she laced their fingers, dragging him to his room. She let go at the door, allowing him to open it for her. Even though she had entered his room through a portal, it felt like too much of an invasion of privacy to barge in without being properly welcomed first. Opening the door for her, Miles led her into his childhood bedroom.

Something about their whole evening together had felt overwhelmingly intimate. Gwen would be lying if she said that she didn’t enjoy getting to be up close with Miles. She allowed her guard to drop for a split second, wondering what it would be like to live every day like this, to escape from the grasp of “almost” and be exact. To not be “almost” friends and “almost” lovers. To just be lovers who are friends. She wondered how it would feel to allow herself to breathe, to let herself fall in love further and enjoy it, to feel the sensation of his lips against hers, her body intertwined with his. She allowed herself to wonder if after all those years ago, when she was so terrified that she had let Peter down by allowing a new friend into her life, Peter would want to see her with Miles. She remembered her younger self, the version of her that had betrayed Miles in the most inexplicable ways, that was fearful she would never get to be his friend again. She questioned if she had loved him all that time, too. If she had always loved him, from the moment they locked eyes in that dumb physics class at Brooklyn Visions Academy all too long ago.

“Hey Gwen?” Miles asked, taking a seat on his bed. He motioned his head to the side of the bed that was open next to him. She hopped onto the bed beside him, following his lead as he slid under the covers. This was foreign, this was strange, this was too intimate, too familiar. Lying in bed beside him was like admitting to defeat. She couldn’t tell him the truth, so her unspoken secrets acted for her. Possessed, she found herself scooting closer to him, turning on her side to look at him. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, she allowed herself to appreciate his frame as he copied her motions, an arm lazily slung across her waist. When had they become so nonchalant about such a universe-fracturing existence?

“Yeah, Miles?”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

A sigh escaped her lips. “I just… I’m exhausted, but I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. I just couldn’t stop thinking. I was thinking of you, mainly. About everything that we went through. I’m just so scared of messing up, I guess.”

Miles nodded, and she was abruptly pulled closer into his arms. She felt her eyes begin to drip as she yawned. “I’m just gonna close my eyes for a sec, alright? Wake me up in a minute, I’ll go home.”

He nodded, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Sure thing, Spider-woman.”

When Gwen woke up again, she was surrounded in warmth and listening to the steady beat of Miles’ heart, his soothing breathing a sweet sound in her mind. She smiled, overwhelmed with love for the boy who made her feel like she mattered more than anyone else in this sorry universe (or any universe, for that matter), and allowed herself to shut her eyes once again.

-x-

1.
Let’s do this differently. Way, way differently.

They were many things. Oftentimes, they were many things all at once.

But they were no longer an “almost.”

It all started with a movie.

Gwen was lying in Miles’ bed reading a comic while he drew from his desk when her phone lit up with a message. She opened her screen, seeing a message from Pav to the Spideygang group chat.

Pav wrote, hey guys! any of you busy today?

Gwen typed back, nah, i’m hanging out with miles rn but we’re down for a group hang if everyone is free.

Hobie: you and miles are alone? ;)

Pav: awesome! movie night in my dimension. be here in five!!

Gwen huffed out a laugh, turning to Miles. “Hey Spider-man, wanna travel the multiverse? Pav wants to do a movie night.”

Miles looked up from his work, a portrait of Gwen freshly started in his notebook. He smiled, turning his lamp off and closing his book. “Of course. Let me get changed, I don’t want to go in pajamas.”

“Hurry up, you stink.”

She threw a pillow at him as he made his way out of the room, earning a light “hey!” as he walked. She giggled, laying back on the bed. As she waited, her thoughts echoed around the walls of her mind, bouncing and hitting her like bricks from every angle. Thinking hurt, she decided.

Miles came busting into the room, jumping to finish pulling his pants up. Gwen glanced over, dropping the lock of pink hair she had lifted in an anxious haze as she stared at the fluttering mess that was Miles Morales, Earth-1610’s Spider-man. A snort escaped from her lips without being able to control it as she watched him readjust his pants and shirt and struggle to open a portal with his watch. Finally getting his shit together, he bowed towards her slowly, looking up with a smug grin. “After you, m’lady.”

She laced up her blue chucks, grabbing his hand as she fell into the expanding holes of the multiverse. After so many trips, she had started to enjoy the physics-defying feelings that her body went through as she traveled through a bridge to every universe. Miles, on the other hand, still got portal sickness, and she felt her hand being squeezed as he kept his eyes shut for the trip.

The pair landed on their feet in Pavitr’s living room, where the lights were dimmed, fluffy pillows and cozy blankets lined the ground, and Hobie sat on the couch, glancing at their interlocked hands with a smug expression. Gwen met eyes with him, smiled, and huffed, squeezing his hand a little tighter before letting it go to take off her shoes as Miles did the same.

“Hi guys!” Pav exclaimed, entering the room with multiple bowls of popcorn and a plastic bag full of candy from his dimension. One of the greatest parts of having multiversal friends was being able to try a plethora of different foods from all across the great existence of every universe. It was a cool bragging right that came with the mask which not many other teenagers had. “Thanks for coming so short-notice. I saw this really cool movie while I was browsing today and I thought you guys would like it. Have you ever seen Beauty and the Beast?”

A groan was universally expressed throughout the room. “Mate, you really haven’t seen that one?” Hobie asked, a prevalent frown exposing his lip piercing more than usual.

“Yeah,” Miles chided, “it’s, like, a multiversal classic.”

“Even I’ve seen it,” she added.

Pav looked either astonished or attacked. “What?! I– How– We’re still watching it!”

Gwen laughed as the two taller males groaned in unison, Hobie placing a pillow over his face in an attempt to suffocate himself (for dramatic effect, of course–Pav was not a fan of this). Though she had seen the movie, she didn’t have nearly as many complaints as the other two. She knew it was important to Pav and that they would be watching it regardless of what was said by the other two, so she shrugged off her jumper and got comfortable in the middle. Miles saw this and chose to lay beside her in the corner, Pav laying on her opposite side. Hobie shrugged at the loss of the battle, opting to lay beside Pav instead of alone on the couch (“I just wanted a blanket, love”).

Miles was close to Gwen and she felt herself becoming comfortable in the warmth that radiated from his body. Like a personal heater, she thought fondly. She couldn’t fight off the recurring thoughts that surfaced in moments like this. Every inch of her being screamed at her over how domestic this was. Intimate. Couple-y.

She sighed, her body on auto-pilot as it shifted closer to Miles. She felt a slight kiss be pressed to her scalp, and she decided that for now, the almost could be alright.

The movie went on for another thirty minutes before Pav got bored. Miles was angry at him, considering he had been invested when the film got shut off (despite his previous whining about the movie of choice). In proper Miles and Pav fashion, a quick-witted, fast-paced argument was born from the simplest of children’s movies. “Miles, I just want to know why you’re so highly offended that I’m shutting off the movie when you and Hobie were the only ones complaining that I chose it to begin with! I’m doing you a favor here!”

“I’m sorry, Pav, it’s just that who shuts off a film they’ve never even seen after thirty-five minutes because they were bored when YOU were the one that begged to see it! Yes I got invested, they had already sung about Gaston!”

Gwen was trying her best to keep her giggles behind her hand as she recorded the argument, Hobie mocking them in the background of the recording. At some point during their disposition, Miles and Pav had ended up standing on the couch to further prove their points. It was all going well until Miles’ dumbass self managed to hit his head on the ceiling fan (which was very clearly on, and had been all evening). The fight ended instantly and Gwen was the first at his side now that he was sitting. Pav had apologized profusely, playing the movie for him and running from the room to grab ice for his head, Hobie in tow.

“Are you okay?” Gwen asked, checking his head for any bumps.

He smiled at her, rubbing his temple slightly. “I’m fine, Gwen. I just want to watch the movie. Do you want to sit with me?”

She nodded, grabbing his hand. “Of course.”

They sat together on the couch, fingers intertwined and arms touching. Gwen sat patiently in an attempt to wait for the ice pack. But then she realized that they were taking a long, long time. Then she realized that shit, they were holding hands again, and she really ought to address what they were before it turned into some sort of friends-with-benefits-esque situation, which she really didn’t like, because she didn’t want to just be his friend. She didn’t want the in-between, the almost, the maybe-some-days, the in-every-other-universes. She wanted this, she wanted now, she wanted today, she wanted whatever universe Miles Morales was in. She wanted the sun to stay in her life after so many years of darkness. She wanted to teach him the drums, to make him playlists, to draw him (terribly), to always beat him at Mario Kart, to always be the one to patch him up, to fall asleep in his arms each and every night.

It had taken years for her to get to this point. Never in her wildest dreams could she see herself okay with being in love with someone, not to mention someone from another dimension. She remembered the disappointment she felt when he had first torn her hair, when she had a sudden physical attachment to him that her own head was proof of. Years later, her haircut remained the same, if not a little more grown out, and her eyes shined with a foreign sense of happiness that no one had ever seen in her.

She took a quiet breath by his side. It was now or never. She would start small, just a kiss on his cheek. “Aw,” she said, praying that Miles couldn’t hear the tremor in her voice. She really had to learn how to control her desire better. “This scene is so cute.”

She moved fast, hoping that her comment would keep his attention on the screen so she could surprise him. She leaned in, aiming for his cheek, when he suddenly turned in response to her comment. Her lips met his in a small embrace and her eyes widened at the unexpected contact. She backed away, face dusted in a heavy pink.

She looked down at her hands, too scared to make eye contact. “I– I’m so sorry I meant to kiss your cheek and–”

She was cut off by the gentle touch of his thumb beneath her chin, guiding her eyes back up to his. His eyes flickered down to her lips, returning to the watercolor ocean that was fading behind her pupils. It was a question.Can I do that again? She leaned in, answering his request with the fluttering of her eyelids as they shut.

Their lips crashed into one another as Gwen allowed herself to sink into the moment. Her arms wrapped around his neck as his hands found their way to her waist. He pulled her slightly so she rested straddling his lap to alleviate the awkward position the couch had forced them into. She leaned into the kiss, years of line-crossing intimacy and confusion creating a newfound passion as she understood Miles in a new light. She had always known his favorite color, his hobbies, his favorite swinging trick, his fears, and his favorite song. But now she knew the taste of his lips, the way his hands felt on her hips and up and down her back, rubbing in a comforting motion. She understood the desire he had hidden for so long.

The kiss was gentle, delicate yet passionate. She liked feeling the softness of his lips, liked learning the way they moved together in tandem, liked knowing that this was okay. The possessive part of her brain liked knowing that they were each other’s first kiss.

She pulled away, breath shaky, and made eye contact with him. “Are you alright?” Miles asked, a slight worry in his face.

She rubbed his cheek with her thumb, because she wanted to and because she could. “I’m better than okay.”

Miles began to lean forward again, Gwen following his lead, when a call came from the kitchen. “Are you guys done fucking in my living room?”

“In a minute!” Gwen yelled into Miles’ lips, planting a tiny peck before pulling away. “Miles, I… I want something with you. I don’t want this, us, to be “almost” something. I want everything, and I want it with you. Every time I’m with you, I feel happy. Like I’ve done something right. And I know that I haven’t always made the best choices, and I haven’t always been the friend that you’ve needed me to be, but I love you, Miles. I love you, te amo, and I want to be with you. I don’t want to hold back how I feel for you. I don’t want to pretend not to enjoy how it feels when you hold me, and I don’t want to pretend that I can’t see how you feel, too. I love you, and I’m sorry, and please know I want you so, so much.”

Gwen couldn’t read the emotions on his face that traveled like a whirlwind. She did notice, however, the slight tears that welled up in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss her again. She allowed him, arms resting on his shoulders. It was more aggressive than their previous kiss, Miles biting at her bottom lip in a request for more. She pulled away, a slight whine falling from his kiss-swollen lips that almost pulled her back. “Later. Talk first.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Right, sorry. I love you, Gwen. Te amo mucho mi amor. I always have, and I have a feeling that I always will. I was made to be with you, no matter the fifteen months you have on me and a different universe. I love you. I’m proud of you for getting here, for letting me in. It hasn’t ever been easy and I remember the day in which you told me that the multiverse would never allow you to love me distinctly. I would wait for you forever if that’s what you needed. You’re it for me.”

She smiled, the swirling in her stomach becoming a welcomed feeling. “You’re it for me, Miles. You’ve always been special.”

This pulled a laugh out of him. Before Gwen even heard the joke, she was laughing, too. “My mom used to tell me the same thing. Although I don’t think she meant it as a compliment.”

She pulls him in for another small, gentle kiss, just because she can. “Miles, is Spider-man single?”

He pauses, a contemplative look taking over his face. “Nah, I think he’s taken by Spider-woman. Miles Morales is available, though.”

She looks down, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers together. “Do you think he would want to be my boyfriend?”

Miles kissed her again, then kissed her nose, her cheeks, her forehead, the corner of her lips, her hand. She could get used to the idea of him kissing her wherever he pleased. “I– he would like that very much.”

She looked up, pulling him into a hug. “Hey, boyfriend.”

Before Miles could respond, Hobie came running into the room with Pav in tow. “I told you they would date by the end of today! End of the line for you, mate! Hand me the bread, love.”

Pav sighed, pulling another dollar out of his wallet. Despite the compromising position she was in, still straddling Miles’ lap, Gwen found herself laughing, happiness swelling through her veins as she was surrounded by her favorite people. Love, Gwen decided, was no longer an “almost.” It was no longer a “maybe.” It was Miles Morales.

“Pav,” she started, “did you ever get Miles his ice pack?”

“Oh shit.”