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As the pain spread over her body, burning her away, rasping her voice as the acid spilled across her throat, destroying her face, immobilizing her entire body, as the Pain grasped her tightly, burning through her beloved's armor and singing her camp necklace, time seemed to slow down and speed up all around her as she fell. The only thought Silena had during the mind numbing, excruciating burning, that was eating away at all she had loved about herself was: Maybe this is what my Mother's disappointment in me for it all feels like.
to lose all I loved, Charlie, Camp, myself…and then lose every connection to them and her as I die. As I try to undo what can't be undone.
but Silena had accepted Death, she had accepted her Fate, yet she couldn't help but feel a deranged sort of desperation as her mind raced even though she could make no noise but scream in Agony.
"I don't want to die alone" she thought "I don't want to die hated, I don't want to die unloved, I want Charlie, I want Clarisse, I want Lee, I want the old Luke, I want my Siblings, I want Khiron, I want my Dad, I want my Mom!"
"I don't want to die unlovable, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you all more than possible, more than rational! I just wanted to protect you! to save you! please, forgive me or at the very least hold me!"
but nothing escaped her lips as she laid on the ground, She was cold, so so very cold. She wanted to be held, hugged, something to warm her, to protect her. Silena felt nothing but desperate and cold and small, she felt like a child, yearning for affection and Love and goodness.
"mama…forgive me…I love you." Silena mumbled, surrounded by darkness and swarming colors and sounds, who was that? Who was coming and why? Terrors? Campers? Maybe other Demigods on the Titans's side?
She didn't know, she was scared to know, she just wanted-She just-What?
Silena felt..warm, safe suddenly, as though somebody was holding her in their arms, she felt soft..? calloused..? hands stroking her hair, she felt lips kissing her forehead and cheeks, arms hugging her around the waist, pulling her closer and and and patting her back and wiping her tears, when had she begun to cry? her heart was beating fast now, like she was excited, like she was in love, as though she had run down Halfblood Hill to greet Charles and Clarisse before they even came through the barrier.
She let herself drift into the feelings, strangely aware and yet unaware of another sensation mixing into the rest, like another was smiling upon her.
Silena drifted and dreamed of a better Life.
She dreamed of braiding Drew's hair before they went to breakfast because "she just did it better".
Silena dreamed that she was carefully taking the best of her food and offering, gifting, it to her Mother, the camp's strawberries had always been her favorite thing ever, She had offered Mr. D a strawberry wine once or twice, when she could, as a show of thanks for his help with them.
She dreamed of chuckling while wiping her youngest sibling's face clean after they ate chocolate pudding and reassuring them, that in camp, there would always be enough to eat for them.
She dreamed of having Pottery class with the Athena cabin, carefully guiding annabeth's hands with hers as they painted her latest project with a new technique, squealing when Malcolm flicked a piece of wet clay at her and throwing one of the brushes at him.
She dreamed and dreamed,
about Lee teaching her to shoot arrows at quickly moving targets,
about Malcolm showing off his newest weaving project,
about Clarisse correcting her stance,
about Katie asking for advice on building trust with one of the more traumatized children,
about Luke sneaking her candy, holding a finger to his lips and shushing her before breaking out in a grin,
about Alabaster almost bursting with glee as he showed her his mist magic, more openly proud of his parentage than any other "unclaimed" ever was,
about helping Ethan calm down and find some sleep,
about Travis asking her to play basketball with him,
about Connor and her playing Tag with the littles,
about Lacey gifting her a macaroni necklace and declaring her the greatest Sister ever.
She dreamed of filling, savory food and sweet strawberries, clothing and hands smelling of them even weeks after being gone from Camp, about being claimed and watching claimings, about swimming with the naiads, about lighting fireworks, about watching stars late at night with the other councilors,about Campfires and Sing-alongs.
She felt a deep sense of right and an even deeper sense of mourning, of what never will be again and what never will be at all.
She dreamed of a Future with no war, where good things happened because the world was good, where the campers got claimed and cabins were built and the hermes cabin was not over flooded with children that felt unwanted and unloved by all existing forces.
She dreamed about receiving her College acceptance letter, she was too nervous to open it herself so Annabeth took it with a kind smile and read out loud, the word "accepted" basically echoing from all around them, then Luke would pick her up and spin her around, after she screamed in joy and basicaly jumped into his arms, running up to Charles and Clarisse as soon as she is put down, throwing her arms around them, kissing them and squealing how she had gotten accepted.
Pollux and Castor would "convice" their Dad(or rather like convinced Khiron to let their Dad allow it) to throw a small celebration for her, for all the hard work and studying and saving up. Percy would share his mom's famous blue chocolate chip cookies with her, while Lee and Michael served the drinks, Pollux would make something sweet and fruity, while Castor would produce something strong enough to knock anyone off their feet.
They would joke around and celebrate, congratulating her, hugging her and listening to her talk about how much she loved the school and how excited she was to learn more, how she wanted to do so many things and would bring back all she learned to them.
They would go to bed, kissing her cheeks, giving her a high five, hugging her close, wishing her sweet dreams and a good night. Silena would sing one last lullaby or tell one last story to her siblings, as they begged of her every night(even though they all knew they did not need to, she would never deny them), falling asleep warm and loved and surrounded by friends and family, but not before praying to her Mother, just to tell her what had happened, how lucky and happy she was, placing her dad's&her favorite chocolate on the altar and tucking herself in.
Silena was now partially aware of the people surrounding her, her friends, her family, Clarisse was cradling her, speaking to them was exhausting,but she didn't regret confessing, they had a right to know.
She looked at the tears in their eyes, at the shocked faces and shaking hands, but what she did not see was hatred, they looked at her in a worry that spoke of more love than a thousand words.
Silena felt no pain anymore, in fact, she felt nothing but warmth, she felt as though all the love and care and affection she had given and received was raining down upon her in a single minute of pure and utter bliss.
As the winged god approached her, kneeling down opposite of Clarisse, her brave, amazing Clarrise, who had not stopped holding her yet despite everything and taking her hands, she felt her mother's tight embrace relent and kiss her forehead one last time, before she dreamed of one last person, smiling happily at her, during a million little moments.
"..Charlie…See Charlie…"