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12 weeks.
Barely even 3 month it took for him to be replaced by his team. It’s not like they intentionally do it, it’s just that the return of a supposedly MIA member sucked all the attention to said man. They would never actually replace him. At least that is what Soap suspects. It’s what Soap hopes...
Around 83 days ago, Roach, Ghosts former partner, who was said went missing during a mission turned up alive and well. Soap is the only member of the 141 who hadn’t known Roach before joining the group, but definitely has heard a lot about him. Especially during drunk nights at the bar many stories about Roach have been told by Price, Gaz and mainly Ghost. They had bragged about his achievements, about his craziest stunts during mission and of course about how much they missed him. Ghosts even used to say stuff when he got really drunk that made Soap think the man had felt more than just friendship towards the Mute. It was a calm day when Roach came to the base. Laswell had informed the captain that a soldier would be arriving but didn’t say who. The moment Ghosts eyes fell upon his former partner, he swore he could see the man’s eyes light up, like he was given a second chance after so much regret. And for the first time ever Ghost hugged someone. He hugged Roach as if he would disappear if he let go. As if he was finally reunited with a loved one… It felt like he was intruding a private moment between the two even though they were standing in the middle of the base. He felt out of place. It wasn’t like he felt jealous or something, it’s just…Ghosts has never hugged him before. Not that he needed it of course. He just wished he would get one too once – on the other hand he hadn’t been presumed dead for years so that could take some time. Later when Ghost had let go, he went forwards, offered his hand and greeted him. When they went to see Price and Gaz the man had gotten 2 more hugs, Gaz even shedding a few tears. It seemed like they had really missed him a lot in the past years. Soap felt like he should give them space and time to talk about everything they had missed in the last couple of years. Time to catch up and all. Definitely no other reason. He excused himself, said he still had something to do and went to the shooting range. The fact that he didn’t receive an answer not worrying him. Not even when he didn’t see them the whole day and only saw the captain completely hungover the next morning. Maybe it should have worried him…
-
The sun stood high when Soap exited the building. The warm rays of sunlight on his skin feeling heavenly. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stretched out his arms. For the last couple of hours, he had worked the report about their latest mission. Finishing it had taken him longer than expected, even skipping breakfast and lunch for it but he knew he could finally relax. He stayed there, enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun for a while. Maybe he could find one of the others and they could do something together, like sparring or just talking. Calmly he made his way across the base on the search for one of his fellow team members but after 20 minutes of finding no one he was close to giving up. That was until he spotted Sergeant Garrick in the cafeteria. Since Roach had returned Soap hasn’t really gotten a chance to talk to Gaz, much less been able to spend time with the man. They hadn’t sparred in a long time or watched videos of funny animals and laugh at them together, for over 2 weeks. He originally went there to get himself something to eat, as the feeling of his empty stomach had slowly made itself acknowledgeable. When he saw the man he smiled and made his way towards him. The Sergeant was sitting on a chair, in front of him a laptop, a mug with what Soap suspected was coffee or tea standing next to him. The closer he got the more he noticed how tense the man looked. A frown adorned his face, his leg was continuously bouncing and his shoulders were slightly raised. Soaps steps became more and more unsure the closer he got. Was it really a good idea to talk to the man right now? Maybe he should give his friend a bit of space and find someone else to talk to. Who knows, maybe Rodolfo had time for a video call. He had promised the man that they would talk again soon. He was about to turn around but decided otherwise. Gaz seemed very stressed, maybe he could try to lighten him up and get his thoughts away from whatever he is working on.
“Hey Gaz”, he exclaimed with a wide smile and gave a small wave at the sergeant. Said man raised his head to look at who had called him. When Gaz looked at him, he expected a smile or at least some form of positive reaction that told him he was welcome. What he did not expect was for Gaz to look at him and seemingly get a bit more annoyed, before greeting him back and returning to look at the screen. An uncomfortable feeling settled in Soaps stomach, but he hid it behind a grin and sat down across from his friend.
“What are ya up to, buddy?”, he asked. Gaz just let out a huff and typed something on his laptop. “None of your business”.
Soap was a bit taken back, not used to that sense of hostility from his friend. Soap and Gaz sat there for a while in silence. Soap didn’t really know what to say, fumbling with the edge of his shirt while thinking about his next words. After several minutes Gaz pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at the other man annoyed.
“What do you want?”. Johnny hesitated before he spoke up, “I just wanted to ask ye if you would want to do something together, ye know”.
Gaz eyed him for a second before returning his attention to his laptop. “Don’t have time right now, Soap”.
The anxiety bubbling under Johnny’s skin started to become uncomfortable, but he tried once more, wanting to help his friend to relax.
“Maybe you could take a small break, you already look rather tense. Maybe we could watch some funny videos together or power ourselves out in the trainings – “but before he could even finish his sentence Gaz disturbed him. “For fuck’s sake. Can’t you see I’m busy right now! Go and bother someone else.”
The mans word stung. Johnny knew he could be annoying at times, but he had never seen the man lash out like that. Not at anyone ever.
But at you
Johnny had paled a bit and looked down to the table. He said sorry, stood up and was about to leave the room.
“Soap”, Gaz called out. Said man turned around and looked at his fellow Sergeant.
“Yeah?”. Gaz rubbed his forehead and huffed. “Sorry- I just- Today is not the greatest day, ok? Nothing against you”. Johnny put on his best fake smile he could muster. “Yeah, no worries”. He then exited the cafeteria and went back to his room, his hunger completely gone. Rodolfo had called him, and they talked for an hour or more, the Mexican listening to his friend and trying to make the man feel better. Johnny was thankful that they had stayed in contact, they usually talked for a couple of hours every week. He cherished their friendship.
Later on, he left his room to get something to drink and something small to eat as he had promised the Mexican. As he got closer to the trainings range, he could hear laughter. He looked over to the range and saw Gaz and Roach standing together, talking, having fun, and laughing.
He doesn’t need you
It looked like they were watching something on Gaz’s phone. But before he could find out more, he continued his track to get some water and a small snack bar, then quickly returning to his room. He was feeling fine. Definitely. He was not at all feeling like a burden. The water battle was half empty and the snack bar laying untouched on the table as he went to bed. And if no one saw him eat dinner that day, they didn’t mention it.
-
Soap still remembers the first time he met Gaz. Laswell had informed him one day that he would be part of a special group called the 141. Two of the members he already worked with a couple of times. Ghost and Captain Price. However, he didn’t knew the other member. Laswell hasn’t told him anything about him than that he was also a Sergeant, Codename Gaz. To say Soap was nervous was an understatement. When Laswell explained to him that he would be part of this special task force he didn’t know what to think of it. One of the questions he asked himself the most “Why me?”. He had seen Ghost and Price in action, and they were incredible. Price was the perfect leader, strong and intimidating, with a strategic mind and his incredible ability to stay calm even in the most dangerous situations. Ghost is the scariest and deadliest soldier he has ever met. If you were his target you would die by his hand sooner or later. The other sergeant had been chosen by Price himself as they apparently often worked together, so he must be special in some way. But him? He was just Soap. Yeah, he surely isn’t a bad soldier, but he isn’t special in some way. He is no leader, nor a stone-hearted killer. His sneaking skills aren’t very great, and he is definitely no tech genius. So why was he chosen.
He arrived at the bar they agreed to meet at, 30 minutes early and sat down on an empty chair. His nerves were going hair way, his leg wouldn’t stop bouncing and his hands were slightly shaking. After 10 minutes he decided to order a whiskey to calm his nerves. Not even 5 minutes later the glass was empty, and he ordered another one. He was halfway through that one when someone sat down next to him. The man looked to be in his early 20s, dark skin and around his height.
“Mind if I sit here?” the man asked with a smile on his face, a British accent recognizable. The other man looked friendly so he said sure. The guy ordered himself a drink too and they sat there for a couple of seconds in silence, until the other one spoke up.
“Though day?”, he asked. Soap took a sip of his drink, before he spoke up, “Eh, just a bit nervous, ya know.”
The bartender brought the man next to him his drink. “Why nervous? Are ya having a date?”. At that Soap let out a small laugh. “Nah, I wish. Just… Meeting up with some friends I haven’t seen in a while”.
They both drank from their glass. “Why are you here?”, Soap asked, rather to keep the conversation going than for actual curiosity. “Similar reason to you. Gonna meet up with some colleagues from work”. Soap hummed and took a sip from his whiskey. He spared a look at the clock and saw that it is already 5 minutes after the stated time. He scoffed and chugged the rest of his drink, ordering another one. Gaz looked at him with a bit of amusement. “How the hell can you just chug that. I’m only on my first glass and I already know I won’t be drinking any more than that. This shit is strong.”
Soap chuckled. “A bit of a lightweight, are ya. Would the fine gentleman prefer a cup of tea?”, he said in a teasing voice, hoping the other would get that he was joking. The man started laughing at his joke and all of Soap’s worries washed away.
The other man’s laugh was infectious and soon both of them were laughing. When they had calmed down the other held out his hand. “Name is Kyle by the way”, he said with a smile. Soap shook his hand and gave a smile back, “Johnny”.
All of Johnny’s anxiety has left by now, the nervousness of meeting the others completely gone, or better said, the actual reason he came to the bar in the first place completely forgotten as the two men talked. They sat there for what felt like hours laughing, joking, telling stories. They were so focussed on their conversation that they forgot their drinks. After nearly an hour their talk was disturbed by a cough from behind the two men and they turned around. Behind them stood both Ghost and Price, the older one with a slight smile on his face.
“Sorry that we took so long but our flight was delayed. I tried to call both of you to inform you, but I see you had more important things to do. It looks like you two are getting along pretty well.” When the Captain first started talking, they both looked confused before the realisation dawned across their faces. Soap turned to Kyle.
“Wait, so you are Gaz?”, he asked and the other one answered with a question of his own, “and you are Soap”. Both of them started laughing, Price rubbing his forehead with a smile on his face. Ghost shook his head but couldn’t contain the small laugh that left his mouth, his mask dampening it though significantly. Soap couldn’t believe he had been talking to the man he had been so nervous to meet for the last hour or so. He knew that they were going to be good friends.
Now, Soap wonders if he overestimated their friendship.
-
It has been a couple of days since the incident with Gaz and he was feeling a bit better. Well better may the wrong word. He had some sort of hunger again. Soap has thought of talking with Gaz but every time he saw the man, he was either busy or doing something with Price, Ghost or Roach. Sometimes all of them were together having fun. Soap had never had the guts to join them. Or didn’t want to. They needed space. The quartet had a lot of catching up to do. Soap would only be in the way. They still cared about him. They just needed time.
Yeah, time.
Soon everything would be better again.
Hopefully
Currently he was on the search for Ghost. His lieutenant had promised him that they would train together. Soap was exited. Not only because of the training but because Ghost had said that if he manages to win a fight against the man, he can choose a café of his choice to go to together. He had been training like crazy the last couple of weeks and felt ready to fight the other man. When he reached the trainings area, he didn’t see anyone.
Weird, he thought, usually he is always on time. Maybe he is just late. Soap wrapped his hands and started warming up. A little preparation wouldn’t hurt. After half an hour, his commander still hadn’t arrived.
After 45 minutes he was getting worried. Had Ghost forgotten? Nah, he wouldn’t. He had promised him. Maybe he was just busy, or Price had called him to his office to talk about an upcoming mission. Soap continued to train, trying not to power himself out too much.
At the 1-hour mark he decided to go search for the man. After unwrapping his hands and throwing on a light jacket he left the trainings room. He searched for a while but couldn’t seem to find the man. It felt like the situation with Gaz all over again. An uncomfortable feeling arose within him and the tried not to show his worry. Instead of continuing his search he went to go find the captain. Carefully he knocked on his door and entered when he heard a muffled “come in”.
“Hi Price”, the captain looked up from whatever he was working on.
“Soap. Is there something you need, son?”, he asked calmly. At least Price didn’t seem annoyed by his presence.
“I wanted to ask if you have seen Ghost. We were supposed to train today.” The captain gave him a confused look. “Ghost went to the city with Roach a couple hours ago. Sorry mate”. Soaps heart sank. Ghost had actually forgotten.
He deemed Roach more important than you
“Ah ok, thanks Captain”, he answered. “Is there something else you need? I am a bit busy right now. We could continue talking later”. Soap tried to hide his disappointment. Of course. Others still had something to do. He excused himself and left the office.
Stop being a burden to others
He went back to the trainings area, throwing off his jacket, not bothering to wrap his hands this time and went to the boxing bag. He continued to train for hours. Not stopping until his knuckles were raw and bleeding. Not stopping until his arms were aching. Not stopping until the exhaustion forced him to stop.
The sun has nearly completely disappeared behind the horizon when he decided to go back to his dorm. He wasn’t hungry, he felt like he would vomit if he ate something now. Soap picked up his stuff, muscles aching, and made his way back.
When he got closer to the place, where he could finally rest, he saw something in the corner of his eye. Something that made him stop dead in his track and nearly drop everything he was holding. There, at Ghosts and his favourite place, the place where they would talk hours at a time and calm down after an exhausting day, right there sat Ghost with no other than Roach.
Did his heart break a little at the view? Maybe. But nobody else would know. No one else than the man himself.
The rest of the way back to his room passed in a blur. He only came back when he was lying on his bed and a sound from his phone pulled him out of his thoughts. Johnny picked it up and looked at the screen. A couple missed calls from Rodolfo and messages from the man. There were even 2 calls from Alejandro. Oh right, he had promised them, they would talk today. But he couldn’t find the energy for it. He put his phone on the nightstand. Rodolfo wouldn’t mind if he only answered tomorrow morning, right?
don’t bother him this late
Yeah, it could wait until tomorrow morning.
With that he laid back in his bed.
He never fell asleep that night.
-
He missed the time when Roach was still missing.
Don’t get him wrong. He was happy for the guy that he wasn’t MIA and was able to escape his imprisonment, but he missed how everything was before he had returned to the 141. Since the mission with Hassan and the betrayal of Shepherd, Ghost and Soap had gotten closer. They started to spend more and more time together, train with each other and sometimes they talked together for hours during the night, sitting on a rooftop or a hill, away from everyone else and the stress of their job. These nights Soap enjoyed the most. No matter about what they talked about - have it be a mission, current political subjects or something random like their favourite animals - he felt a sense of calmness come over him.
In the beginning Ghost had kept his mask on at all times and Soap didn’t pressure him into taking it off. He knew what the mask meant for Ghost and that it was an object that gave him safety. It surprised him though, that around 4 months after the mission with Hassan, Ghost had asked him if he wanted to go to a café with him. They had been in Venedig at that time for a mission. Soap hesitated for a moment, taken back by the question but quickly agreed once he’d noticed the slight anxious look in Ghost’s eyes.
What shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did, was that Ghost wasn’t wearing his mask. It dawned on him quickly, that the café was a public space meaning Ghost wearing his mask would have been weird. He didn’t forget how Simon’s face looked like, but it was definitely a different experience than always seeing that skull mask.
The dirty blond hair was looking rather unbrushed but framing his face quite nicely. His blue eyes shining like the summer sky. They reminded him of the clear ocean, so beautiful yet so dangerous and mysterious. You could get lost in there for hours. The scars littering his face gave him a scary aura. For some people it might seem creepy, but not for him. What would he look like without all the pain and suffering, soap asked himself. Would he look different? Not any less beautiful or less attractive, just…different. When he realized he had been staring he couldn’t stop the blush rising to his face.
The walk to the café was pretty quiet, though not at all awkward. It was a comforting silence. For the sake of privacy, ghost wore a black mask that covered the lower half of his face which he took off though, when they sat down on the balcony of the café. They had chosen a table in the corner and Simon sat down in a way nobody else, but Johnny could see his face. They had sat there for hours, just drinking and talking. Most of the talking was done by Johnny himself as he started rambling about the most random topics and Simon listening to him. To this day Johnny doesn’t really know if it was just sympathy, that Simon had listened to him, or he actually enjoyed what Johnny had talked about.
They stayed there until the shop was about to close and they decided it would be for the best to head back to the base. On their way back they were walking close, side by side. Around half of the way Johnny noticed that Simon had tensed up a bit but before he could ask what was going on he felt a pinkie enlace his own. He was surprised by the action and couldn’t help but smile, what seemed to soothe the other man, as he visibly relaxed.
A couple minutes later Johnny decided to try something. He slowly loosened their pinkies and carefully grabbed Simon’s hand. Said man tensed and stopped for a moment. Johnny was about excuse himself and remove his hand, but as he tried to pull away the grip of the other remained strong. Simon relaxed and they continued walking. He didn’t let go of his hand until they were back at the base.
It might not seem like something special, what they had going on, on the walk, but it meant the world to him. Simon was not really a man who liked physical contact too much and even holding hands seemed to take a lot out of him.
He had his mask pulled back on during their way back. Johnny thanked him for the wonderful night and gave him a light kiss on the cheek, even though the mask was still on. He then hurried back to his room, leaving the other standing seemingly shellshocked. A thousand thoughts ran through Johnnys mind as he laid down in his bed, good and bad ones. Had he made a mistake? Had he been too fast? Had he destroyed the only hope for something more than friendship with his team member? Though all these worries washed away when the next morning Ghost didn’t distance himself from Johnny. Quite the opposite, he seemed to seek the closeness to him. And said man didn’t mind it, not at all. It felt nice in a way. Like everything was right.
Now though…Maybe he had just imagined it. Maybe he had wanted more than the other had ever been willing to give. Maybe he had viewed their relationship differently than his friend.
-
The last couple of weeks had been very stressful for all of them. The group had been preparing for a mission that turned out to need more planning than they originally thought it would. Every member was tired and annoyed that they had to ready up shit faster than usually. They had barely talked to others if it wasn’t about the mission. A fact that didn’t help much with Soaps anxiety and the feelings that had come up due to the latest encounters with his team members. He worked longer than the others, skipped meals and sleep more often than not, and tried to gather any relevant information he could find. He tried to be useful, to not be useless or annoying as usual. Maybe then the others would finally talk to him again. He wanted them all to have fun again.
After this mission was finished, they had been told they would get a week free so they could relax. 1 week where they could actually do something together again. The thought alone motivated Soap so much that he worked harder every day leading up to the mission, training, gathering information and shooting at the range. He wanted to be physically ready and know about all the important information that could help them in any way. He felt more than ready for the mission.
Soap was drinking coffee in the kitchen when one of the rookies had come to him and told him that the captain wanted to see him. His anxiety bubbled inside of him, but he made his way to the man's office. Had he forgotten to send some information? Was there a meeting he had forgotten about? Had he made a mistake again?
A thousand questions ran through his head until he stood in front of Prices office door. He knocked and entered the room. The captain sat as always in his chair, typing something on his laptop. Price looked up as he opened the door and gave a slight smile.
“Ah Soap, sit down”.
The unease feeling doubled as the captain used his codename, something he usually doesn’t do outside of a mission, and he slowly sat down on the chair. He was about to receive not so great news. He watched as Price quickly finishing something on the laptop before returning his attention to the man in front of him.
“I wanted to talk about the upcoming mission”.
Ok, at least he wasn’t fired or kicked off the team. He took a deep breath.
“Do you need some more information? I could go and do some research about the area or- “, but he was stopped by the older man. “No, don’t worry. We have all the information necessary”.
Soap tensed up again.
“I looked over the team setup and made some changes that I deemed as better. Roach is gonna replace you in this mission. You are allowed to take a break until we return”.
Johnnys face paled, and he felt like his heart stopped. He had been replaced. Of course. It had been only a matter of time. First the confrontation with Gaz, then the misunderstanding with Ghost and now this. It always starts like this. Being replaced in 1 mission, then in the next and then in all the following. And suddenly everything he had worked so hard for to keep, everything that had made him feel like home was going to be gone. Now that Roach was back, he just wasn’t needed anymore.
“…maybe tell him the information you gathered- Soap? Are you ok?”. Price had been talking about why he changed the setup until he noticed Soap not listening anymore. The question snapped Johnny out of his trance.
“Oh…yeah. I'm ok. I will give Roach the information. No worries, Captain”, he said with a smile on his face.
Price didn’t seem to believe him but also didn’t say anything. Without another word Johnny stood up and left the room. Soap couldn’t really explain what he was feeling. His head felt insanely heavy but also as light as a feather. Why had he even had hope. The moment Roach arrived, his leaving paper had basically been signed. He doesn’t blame the man, he really doesn’t. In the time he got to know him - through stories and in person - he was a good guy, and a great soldier. His mutism didn’t hinder him in any way during his work. He was a great replacement for him.
Tears welled up in the man's eyes, but he held them back. He had no reason to cry. Its better like this.
you are just a burden to them
They are happy that they finally can get rid of you
His thoughts spiralled down a hole as he made his way back to his room. It was when he sat down on his bed that he made a decision. He needed to talk to Laswell.
--- a couple of days later ---
“Are you sure you want to do this Sergeant?”, Laswell asked again.
Soap had been talking with her about helping out another group on a mission for over an hour now. Soap was confident about his decision and reassured Laswell repeatedly that he wanted to do this. The woman still seemed unsure.
“This mission might take longer than most other ones, Soap. At least 2 weeks, maybe even more.”
Soap closed the file he had been looking at. “I know Laswell, I understand. I still wanna do it.”
Laswell looked at the man with worry and confusion. It wasn’t usual for Soap to request being sent on a mission, especially without any of the others. She let out a sigh and reached for the phone.
“Alright, let me just inform Price about this real quick.” At that Soaps mask fell.
“No!”, he quickly said.
Laswell looked up at him and slowly let go of the telephone, “I mean, you can tell them, just…maybe not now”.
Soap started fidgeting with his hands as Laswell scanned his face. She leaned back in her seat with a sour expression. “What have these idiots done this time?”
Soap let out a sigh. He was tired. He just wanted to get out of here. Why was everyone so worried about him? “Look, Laswell. Everything is alright. It’s just… I need to get out of the base for a bit, ok? Taking a breather.”
The woman looked like she wanted to say more, her finger nervously tapping on the table. She knew that there was more than he was admitting. Something that made him want to get away from the others. But she could also see how tired he was and how desperate. With one last look, she gave in.
“Ok, I will allow you to go on this mission. I won’t tell the others where you are going, too.” Soap let out a relieved sigh. “But you have to promise me something”, at that he tensed up again.
“Please be careful Johnny. I want you back in one piece and breathing, alright? We all do”, she said as she signed the paper.
He gave her a smile, “I promise”.
-
Price is a captain through and through. He is sharp minded, punctual and has a natural authority. He is strict, especially with the rookies and newer soldiers. But what makes him different from most other captains is that he is kind and forgiving. He cares for every soldier of his squad and supports them if they need help with something. He doesn’t hold grudges without a good reason, nor does he yell at a soldier if they did a small mistake.
This behaviour gave him an almost father like personality, something Soap was very happy about. None of the others really know about his family or his childhood, only Ghost has heard through him about his father, and he seemed to get angrier the more Soap told him about the man. To sum it up, his father wasn’t great. Neither was the rest of his family - other than his grandmother – but not to the same extent his father was.
When the 141 was just ’created’ he was surprised to see how much Price looked out for everyone. Especially after the first mission, when the older made sure that everyone was ok and all wounds got treated properly. As time went on, he reminded each soldier that they are allowed and should take a break every once in a while. Soap had been taken aback when Price had spoken to him about it. Not once during his time as a soldier had a captain personally told him to take a break. Time passed and they all grew closer. Ghost came more out of his shell when their group was together and Price started to laugh more. Gaz wasn’t as tense as before and became even more friendly, if that is even possible. Johnny started to act more like himself around them, showing a side of him that rarely anyone had ever seen. Laswell even joined them every now and then. The 141 became a place where he felt comfortable. It felt like home.
The mission with Hassan had taken a toll on everyone. Especially the situation at the skyscraper. The first rush of adrenaline had hit Soap when the door exploded and enemy soldier rushed them. The second rush came when he was solemnly responsible for defusing the missile while hiding from the enemies. He hadn’t even been able to really comprehend his success when Hassan had him knocked to the ground. The third rush of adrenaline hit when he realised that he was being held out of the window by said man.
For one moment he wondered what was going through the other mans head. Did he feel any kind of regret or guilt for what he has done? The next moment the only thing going through Hassan’s mind was a bullet, which caused him to fall backwards, pulling soap with him and away from immediate death. The time after that had passed in a blur, he didn’t know what he said or how he got down from the skyscraper. What he did realise was the feeling of a hand being placed on his shoulder. He blinked a couple of times before his eyes focused on the person in front of him, Price. The elder looked at him with a slightly worried expression.
“Johnny lad, are you ok?”, he asked, his hand still on the others shoulder. Soap took a couple of seconds to comprehend the words. Is he ok? It felt like an eternity before he got his mouth to work.
“I- Yeah, I am ok…” His eyes drifted around, analysing his surroundings. They were standing near the entrance of the skyscraper, Soldiers and police officers were hustling around them. Gaz was talking to a police officer nearby, together with Ghost. A dozen of police and SWAT cars were standing around, such as a couple of ambulances that were taking care of all the wounded. He looked to his right and saw some officers close the zipper to a black body bag.
A bag you could have been in
His minded started to cloud up again. He had nearly died, if Ghost had only shot a couple of seconds later, if he had waited just a tad bit longer, he might not have been here right now. Though before the other could fall victim to his own mind, his Captain stopped him. Price put his other hand on Soaps shoulder too and shook him lightly until he noticed the others eyes focussing on him again.
“Don’t dissociate on me Johnny, you hear me?” he said in a soft voice. The younger nodded so Price continued. “That was a not so fun situation, its ok to not feel alright after such an event, ok?”
The captain paused to let Johnny comprehend what the older just said.
“Let me ask you again, are you feeling ok right now?”
Johnny took some deep breaths. The adrenaline was slowly starting to wear off. He could feel his hands shaking and his legs felt like they were made out of jelly. His hearth was hammering in his chest and his breath was faster than usual. He had just nearly died. His gaze returned to that of his captain.
“I’m – I don’t”, his voice shook, “…I think I am not ok”. Price nodded.
“That’s ok, bud”. Without another word the older pulled him into a hug. At first, he didn’t even realize what was happening, then he slowly reappreciated the hug. He gripped the vest of the other man tightly, closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the other mans shoulder. The hug felt grounding, safe. It helped him to realise that he was not up there at the window anymore, he was here on the ground with his team, his friends.
“It’s ok, your safe Johnny”
And Johnny believed him. After they were dismissed the four of them went back to the base and sat down on the couch together, watching a movie and eating popcorn. After weeks of stress and worry they could finally relax.
This whole situation had made him realise how much of a father-figure Price had become to him. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had a family that cared about him.
Now he was wondering if his feelings had just played a trick on him.
-
It wasn’t unusual for a member of the 141 to be gone for a couple of days. All of them get sent on a solo mission every now and then or assist another unit on a mission. What was not so normal, was for someone to be gone for more than a week without saying a word. And after 2 weeks of Soap not being anywhere at the base, Ghost started to worry.
Usually, the other man would have called him by now and told him everything that was happening. He doesn’t find it annoying or bothering as some might suspect, quite the opposite actually. He found it comforting in a way. He liked hearing Johnny’s voice, knowing that he was alive and well. This time Ghost hasn’t even received a message, nor did Gaz and Price. What if something happened to him? Ghost shook that thought out of his head. *His* Johnny was a great soldier, he knew how to fight and to defend himself. He most likely just had a lot of work to do and didn’t have any time to talk to them yet.
Simon took a sip of his coffee. Some part of his brain knew that that couldn’t be true as the man always made time to talk to his friends. The other part though preferred that option over all the bad things that could be the cause of his absence.
In the following week the unease feeling continued to grow with each day that passed. Even Price and Gaz seemed more tense than usual. Roach quickly picked up on the fact that something was wrong. He tried to talk to them and assure them that most likely everything was ok. Though as much as he tried to reassure them, he also did it for himself, he couldn’t hide the worry visible on his face. Ghost knew that Roach also cared about Johnny. He had been surprised when Ghost had told him that he had found a new partner. Positively surprised. He knew the masked man didn’t tolerate too many people, even less as his partner. Roach was even more happy when he found out it was Johnny, as he found the man quite nice. The other man surprised ghost though when he asked him about his feelings for his partner. The older knew better than to deny it and told his friend about how much he cared about him.
The tension continued to grow, that even the other soldiers noticed that something was off, but they didn’t dare to mention it. Price and Ghost continued to ask Laswell about Soap, but she kept her mouth shut. Furthermore, it seemed like she was mad at the 3 guys for some reason. The whole situation seemed so bizarre to them, but they couldn’t figure out what has happened that lead to this.
It was a cloudy day. Ghost was training with his knife when he heard a vehicle arrive at the base. He holstered his weapon and walked towards the landing area. Arriving there he was greeted with the sight of 2 all too familiar Mexicans. Alejandro and Rodolfo were talking to each other, the older seemingly trying to calm his second in command down, who seemed rather panicked. As Ghost got closer, he called out to them.
“Alejandro! Rodolfo! Cómo estás?”
Both of them turned their attention to the man, but they didn’t seem happy at all to see him. Alejandro tensed up and his gaze hardened, something which is concerning already, Rodolfo on the other hand looked livid. He walked towards Ghost, shouting Spanish phrases and insults.
“Cómo jodidamente te atreves! Pendejo! Él te ama y se preocupa por ti y lo alejas así! Tu puta madre! Te juro que si le pasa algo lo hare- “, but before he could get any further Alejandro pulled him back by his arm. “Cálmate Rodolfo”
Ghost was taken back by the outburst the younger man just had. Not once during the time they had worked together had the Sergeant major shown such strong anger, not even when Alejandro and the Los Vaqueros were captured. To see the man feeling so strong emotions because of something yet unknown to him was worrying. The situation has caught the attraction of some of the other soldiers and of Price, Gaz and Roach.
Price stepped closer to Ghost and put a hand on the man’s shoulder. “What seems to be the problem here?” the captain asked with a calm voice. Rodolfo ripped his hand out of Alejandros grip and pointed at Ghost, Gaz and Price, his face red of anger.
“All of you are the fucking problem. You have been ignoring and pushing Soap away for weeks and now he doesn’t answer me anymore! He could be dead for all I know!”
Gaz stepped forward, looking confused. “Mate what are you talking about?”
This time Alejandro took the word. “After our mission together, Soap stayed in contact with us, especially Rodolfo. They talked with each other at least once a week. One day he told us that a Soldier who had been presumed dead had returned.”
At that Roach seemed to perk up.
“He had seemed happy when he talked about how excited y’all had been that he had returned. But not long after something in his behavior changed. He became distant. On calls he seemed tired, worry written all over his face, but he hadn’t built up the courage to tell us what is wrong.”
Rodolfo then continued, anger still laced his voice though was slowly overtaken by worry for his friend.
“A couple of weeks ago he finally told us about how shitty you all had been treating him. Pushing him away, ignoring him. Y’all left him out of so many things and snapped at him for no reason! He felt like he was being replaced. That now because you have your old team member back you don’t need him anymore. 3 weeks ago he messaged me that he would be going on a mission and wouldn’t be able to talk to us for a while. He said sorry and since then we haven’t heard of him. Messages he doesn’t answer and calls he doesn’t pick up. He has gone completely radio.”
Not one member of the 141 could look at them. All of them let the information they had just been told sink in. had they been really pushing Soap away like that. It has been rather stressful lately and everyone seemed rather easily annoyed and distant with each other, but had they treated their friend that bad? Surely not… On the other hand, as they thought about it more, they really hadn’t treated Johnny kindly. For a while now. None of them even remembered when they last had a normal talk with the man.
All of them were too ashamed to say a word. Rodolfo however, didn’t seem to care about that. They could continue feeling bad later, he had to make sure his friend is ok. “Now can one of you idiots tell me where the fuck Johnny is or- “
He was disrupted by Prices phone ringing, which also seemed to snap the Captain out of the haze. He picked up the call, “Laswell, right now is not a good time”. The Captain stopped and visibly paled.
“Where?”, he asked worried.
The call didn’t last longer than a minute before he hung up.
“We need to go now”, the others looked confused. “You two too”, he said to the Mexicans. “Espera por qué?”
Price looked at them with a sad expression.
“Soaps mission went wrong. He is in a coma.”
-
It has been nearly 2 months now since Johnny has gone into coma.
During this time the other members of the 141 had been falling apart, to put it kindly. Laswell blamed herself for not noticing how Soap was feeling and sending him recklessly on a dangerous mission when clearly something was wrong. She visits the hospital every now and then, placing a new pot of flowers on the nightstand next to the man's bed. The rest of the time she tried to push away the worry and sadness coursing through her by burying herself in her work. She worked hours on end on any possible work she could find.
Price started doing something similar to her, non-stop working, even being spotted to have passed out on piles of files. His office smelled like smoke more than ever before and if you were to meet him in the hall you would wonder if he had been in a fight with how dark his eyebags were. He visited Johnny every Wednesday and stayed there for a few hours, not saying a word. Sometimes he worked on some papers, on other days he just looked out of the window. If a nurse saw a tear rolling down the man's face, they didn’t mention it.
Gaz had a hard time copying with the new situations. He visited his friend whenever he had time, talked about random stuff as if the other man was not sleeping. Gaz seemed drained of all happiness, barely making any jokes anymore and spending more and more time in his room alone. He cried more often, especially if he was talking to Johnny. On multiple occasions he had also passed out in the chair next to the hospital bed, his eyebags as bad as the ones of his captain.
Alejandro and Rodolfo visited as often as they could, though they had to go back to Mexico after a couple of days. They were still mad at them but after multiple talks they could see that the others felt terrible for what they had done.
Roach occasionally showed up at the hospital too, bringing a new set of flowers just like Laswell or gathering one of the others if they fell asleep in a chair again. Something that happened at least 3 times a week.
The one who it hit the most though was Ghost. Most of the time he spent training, and if he wasn’t training, he was visiting Soap. And when he wasn’t doing that, he locked himself in his room. He hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since they had gotten the news. They had rushed to the hospital, fear and worry written on all of their faces. When Ghost saw Johnny lying on that bed, face pale, IVs connected to his arms and the sound of the heart monitor in his ear, he realised the gravity of the situation.
Johnny, his coworker, his sergeant, his friend, the person Simon Riley fell in love with was lying motionless in a hospital bed and might never wake up again. He didn’t get to tell him how much he meant to him. He might have missed the only chance to confess to the man, all because of some stupid misunderstanding. All because they had treated their friend so terrible lately. All because of them…
Ghost was sitting on the chair beside Johnnys bed, like he often did during the last couple of weeks. Ghost has gotten used to the sound of the heart monitor by now. He looked at the sleeping face of Soap. The man looked so calm, too calm. Johnny was never this calm, he was like a ray of sunlight. Always shining in excitement and happiness. Will he ever get to see that smile ever again? Will he ever get to see these beautiful eyes open again, that looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Slowly Ghost pulled his mask down, in the chair now only sitting Simon. The man took a deep breath before starting to speak.
“Hey Johnny, I know you might now hear me but if you can, you need to wake up, ok? I- “, his voice began to waver, and his gaze turned to the ground. “I know we fucked up. Big time. We should have never treated you like this, shouldn’t have pushed you away. We all are so sorry. We want to make it up to you, but for that you need to wake up”. He clutched his mask in his hands. “We need you, Johnny. More than you could imagine. I-… I need you. I love you Johnny. And I need you to open those beautiful stupid eyes of yours so I can tell you that to your face. Over and over again until you get sick of hearing it. I love you Johnny. More than I thought I could ever love someone. I need you, ok? So please come back to me, please”.
A silent tear rolled down Simons cheek, his shoulders shaking. His gaze was still fixed to the ground, trying not break down crying. He was so focused on trying not to cry that he nearly missed the rustle of a blanket to his right. He looked up and saw a pair of beautiful blue eyes looking back at him, a smile adorning the Scots face.
“Simon”, he said, and the other man had never been happier to hear his partners voice before. Without a second thought he rushed forward and captured Johnnys lips with his own. It wasn’t as romantic as the first kiss of some other couples but for them it was perfect. After what felt like hours, they both pulled back. Simon looked at the other mans face as if he couldn’t believe this was real, his hand gently stroking Johnnys cheek. He carefully rested his forehead on the others and closed his eyes.
“I love you”.
A hand laid down on top of the one holding the other mans cheek.
“I love you too”.
Later the doctors and nurses would come to check on Johnny. Later the others would come and flood the man in hugs and apologies. Later they had to talk about a lot of things regarding the misunderstanding and their relationship.
But for now, everything was just as it should be.