Chapter Text
"I think we should set Louis up with someone."
Grace choked on her coffee and looked at Paul in disbelief. "What?"
Paul turned away from the dining room window to look at her with all the sanctimoniousness his priestly self possessed. He even wore his black cassock to the twins' birthday party.
"You heard me," he said, raising a brow.
"God, I wish I didn't."
"Grace, don't take the Lord's name in vain! You know better."
"And you know better than to meddle in Louis' love life again," hissed Grace. "I thought we were past this, Paul! Louis is gay, no matter how much you'd like to change it."
She couldn't do this right now. Not during the twins' birthday party. Not with all their extended family visiting. She couldn't get into another round of Paul telling Louis his sexuality was against God's wishes, or that Louis would better abstain from gay sex if he didn't want to go to Hell. She shuddered only remembering the bitter fights that still echoed in the house.
Grace got up from her armchair and stalked toward her brother like a lioness ready to strike.
"You don't get to ruin this for me! You don't get to ruin this for Louis. He has only come back to family dinners since the twins were born. He has to swallow enough shit from Mamaw already, he doesn't need you to add to it on top of that." Grace jabbed her finger into her brother's chest. "So help me God, I'll strangle you if you ruin this for me, Paul."
Paul looked at her wide-eyed. His hands instinctively came up in surrender. "I-I know Louis is gay! I've made my peace with it."
"So you won't try to set him up with a woman again?"
"No! I swear! Only men for Louis."
Well, that was nice. And completely out of the blue. "The fuck?"
"Grace!"
"Please," she scoffed, "the twins or Mamaw aren't here. What brought this – um– change of perception?"
"I had a revelation at the regional congress of Catholic bishops."
Really? Did he suck cock at the congress? Grace had to bite her cheek hard to keep the thought to herself. "Spill."
"I met a few other priests and vicars at the Congress. It was an informal meeting. And we ended up talking about homosexuals and gay family members and the church. One priest said the church's stance on homosexuality is making Christians turn away from the church! They feel they're not being welcomed by the church even though they carry Christ in their hearts. So they're praying less and less, receiving the sacraments less and less, and the light of the Lord doesn't shine on them as it used to, all for something they haven't chosen."
The earnestness in his expression stunned Grace into silence. Maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing.
"It made me think of Louis. How pious he was growing up. How fervently he used to sing the homilies. And now you have to drag him to church for Christmas and Easter. Many of the priests have reported incidents like that in their entourage. I never thought about it this way. Can you imagine being shunned for something you were born with as if we're not all sinners searching for God's understanding? Being gay is just one more sin added to their poor souls for which they have to work harder to repent. We should be helping them and guiding them toward God's love, not throwing them away like they're beyond hope."
Grace's face twisted into a sorrowful smile. "Louis has told me a couple of times how hard it is to step into a church when he can feel everyone's eyes on him, judging him and finding him wanting. As if he is a perverse creature that dares to sully the steps of that holy place."
"See! My own brother! I have failed him severely and I didn't even know it!" Paul started to pace, gesticulating with increasing passion."But I still have time to fix this, to bring Louis back to the path of righteousness. I'll make sure he doesn't turn out like Father John's brother!"
"What happened to Father John's brother?"
"He was shunned by his family and his church so he fled up North," he spitted out the word like it was rotten, " where he met unsavory persons who led him into temptation and immorality and now he's a Satanist!"
Grace snorted. She slapped her hand over her mouth to hide her chuckles but Paul's outraged expression didn't help at all.
"Stop laughing, I'm serious! God, imagine Louis becoming a Satanist or worse, an atheist! Over my dead body!"
She rolled her eyes. She accused Louis of being a dramatic snob on a nearly weekly basis, but her younger brother was just as bad, if not worse when religion got involved. As always, it fell to her to be the sensible person in the family. "Louis is not gonna become a Satanist. He still believes in God."
"How would you know? I certainly didn't expect you to marry a Baptist!"
"Paul! Not this–"
"No, you listen to me. You don't know what fake-tanned immoral Silicon Valley men he meets at his job. They'll see what a good catch he is, they'll snatch him away in their Rainbow State and we'll only see him once every two years. And he'll never step foot in a church ever again! He'll do yoga or pilates or other mumbo-jumbo they use as a religion there."
Whatever hope she had at the beginning of this conversation left her quickly and she was left feeling like a deflated balloon. She really thought Paul might have come around but it was the same old bullshit as usual, wrapped up in prettier words. Mouth pursed tight, she shook her head at her brother and left him to his ranting to clean up the mess left by the child tornado currently ruling the house.
"Grace, are you listening to me?"
"Paul, just…stop." It came out more drained than she intended. "You're being ridiculous. Just, let Louis live his life in peace, however he wants to. I hope you have that much respect for your brother to grant him that."
"But sis, I've got it all figured out! I have the perfect plan."
Paul hurried to her side and took the paper plates out of her hands.
"Listen! I'm going to set Louis up with men from my parish! Gay men. You can help me out with it. We'll find a nice, kind, loving young man who will cherish Louis, and at the same time, it will be someone who's involved with the church, so he will bring Louis back into God's loving arms."
"How would you even know which one of your parish members is into men?"
"You'd be surprised what people tell me during confession," bragged Paul, a charming smile so like Louis' flashing briefly over his face. "Instead of condemning them and giving them their 20 Ave Maria as punishment, I'll just slip them Louis' number."
God, he was serious. He was fucking serious. Grace had somehow entered the Twilight Zone this morning and nobody thought to mention it to her until now. She should have known something was wrong when the twins got dressed without a fuss.
"Paul, I appreciate this change of heart and I encourage you to keep going. I know Louis will be happy about it. But there are other ways of showing your support than throwing random men at him and hoping one would stick!"
"Isn't that what Louis has been doing these past years?" her brother muttered under his breath.
"Are you calling our oldest brother a slut?" she asked, arching a reproving brow.
"No…because Mamaw would box my ears if she ever heard me."
Mama's boy. Always a mama's boy even pushing 30. There was no hope left for Paul in this regard.
"So I'll simply say he's being promiscuous all over town engaging in lewd acts for all the world to see. You should have seen the way he embarrassed me two months ago before Father Matthias and Bishop Evergreen!"
Grace settled back into her armchair and took a sip of her coffee. Fuck, it had gotten cold. "Strange how Louis never mentioned this incident."
"That's because he must have been ashamed! Or at least he should've. Here I was with Father Matthias, taking advantage of the warm morning to take the Bishop to see one of the orphanages we support and here comes Louis, stumbling out of a house in front of us, half naked! His belt was hanging untied around his hips, his shirt was half buttoned and he was swaying as he took a couple of steps!"
Paul took to illustrating his words, imitating their most likely drunk brother, but breaking character almost immediately to keep complaining.
"And then a white man came out of the house with a body like a bodybuilder, turned Louis around, grabbed him by the belt to drag him closer and kissed him right there, in the middle of the street. They were making out in front of everyone with no shame. Father Matthias turned red and the bishop started talking to me about the moral degradation of the young generations. Of course Louis had to see me. And he came over, slung his arm around my neck and introduced himself to my esteemed colleagues. While half naked and smelling of vodka! I desperately wished he wasn't my brother at that moment."
There was blood in her mouth, that was how hard she was biting her cheek. Frankly, she deserved an Academy Award for not bursting into laughter. "That must have been a very difficult situation for you," she forced herself to say evenly.
"Yes, it was. One of the worst moments of my life. I'm glad you're acknowledging my pain because Louis sure didn't. While I was glaring at him to shut up, he turned to me and you know what he said? Oh Paul, don't be like that. I'm not gonna see him again, it was just a booty call. As if that would make it any better!"
Laughter bubbled up in her chest and spilled out no matter how hard she tried to keep it in. It was just too much. Her shoulders were shaking and she barely managed to set her coffee cup on the table to spare her yellow dress. This reminded her of Louis' drunken shenanigans in college before their Daddy got sick and he had to switch to a more serious major.
Paul threw his hands in the air. " I don't know why I keep tryin'! You're as bad as Louis sometimes. You, marrying a Baptist! Louis being gay and sleeping around! As always, I'll be the one looking after your souls." He went back to the window looking over the garden. "I'm making sure the twins are being raised as good Catholics. I'll make sure Louis is in a loving, serious, monogamous relationship."
"Come on Paul, don't be like that. Louis does want to be in a stable relationship, he just hasn't found the right person yet. Besides, dating as a gay man in Louisiana isn't the easiest thing in the world."
"Yeah, but you've seen the men he dates. All unserious floozies who don't want marriage or children. Well, I'm going to find some good, honest, righteous men for Louis who will treat him right and make an honest man out of him." Paul turned around to pin her with a pleading look. "Is there anything more holy than two souls loving each other sincerely, united in faithful commitment for their entire lives, who in turn share that love with God? Isn't that what you want for Louis?"
"I want Louis to be happy. That's what I want the most. Real happy and loved. I want to see the spark of life back in his eyes," confessed Grace with sorrow in her voice. "I miss the old Louis."
"Me too, sis, me too. And I'm convinced having someone waiting for him at home to greet him after a hard day of work will cheer him up considerably. Being a father will be the greatest achievement of his life. And I'll make it happen because I love him. Louis wants to date men? Fine, I'll find him the best gay man in this city. And they'll fall in love and get married, and they'll adopt babies from the orphanage close to my church, which they'll name Paul or Paula, of course."
Grace groaned loudly. "Not this again! Paul, it's been 4 years, let it go."
"Those children should have been named Paula and Louisa," he argued, crossing his arms.
"I literally named one twin Mary!"
"And that's why I still agreed to be their godfather after this insult and them having a Baptist for a father."
"I'll show you an insult right now," she growled, springing out of the armchair and lunging at Paul. She attacked his sensitive sides, tickling him until his shouts turned into laughter.
Paul caught her wrists, trying to get his breath back. " Stop! Enough."
"Uh-huh. Think before you open up your mouth or next time I won't stop."
"So you'll help me then? Look at my picks for Louis and give your approval?"
Grace looked out the window. Louis was in the garden, dancing with little Mary. She was standing on his shoes, beaming at her Uncle while he spun them around, making a grand show of their dance. Louis was smiling so hard, his bottom teeth were uncovered and his nose was scrunched up. Mary must have asked him to go faster because he grabbed her by the waist and twirled them around in wide circles. He was always the happiest when surrounded by his nieces. She could easily imagine Louis having his own little girl to spoil. Her heart ached to imagine Louis holding a little girl on his knee, curls pinned up, and looking at Louis like she looked at candy, calling him Daddy and asking for a kiss.
"Yeah, I'll help you. At least I'll make sure you don't go overboard and choose only the most religious men available."
Paul held out his hand and she shook it. "We have a deal."
"How are you going to get Louis to agree to it?"
Paul's answering grin was slightly manic. He looked out at Louis, who was holding Mary to his chest and talking to Aunt Frances.
"Come." He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward them.
Louis chuckled. Again. A pleasant polite chuckle that he had perfected over the years of attending boardroom meetings and having to pretend Tom Anderson's old ball-and-chain jokes were funny. He knew how to fake being interested. He may be a lousy liar but his self-control over his body was impeccable.
Louis would like everyone to know that he did not want to be here. Not in this average restaurant, on this boring date with Mark.
In fact, he wouldn't even be here if not for Paul. Fucking Paul and his deviousness and his manipulative streak hidden behind his Bible. His brother was as nosy as all their elder aunts combined.
Not only did he ambush him in front of their relatives to guilt-trip him into joining him at church last Sunday – a place he avoided as much as it was socially acceptable – he also introduced him to a gay man! He deliberately presented him to Mark after the service, saying they had a lot in common, and winking at him. Louis hadn't even had time to wrap his head around Paul's weirdness that Mark had jumped right into his personal space and flirted with him. Honest to God, a black man flirted with him with Paul - a priest - in the vicinity. Apparently, his little brother had been telling Mark they had a lot in common and that he was single. He had gaped at Paul, at Mark, at the cross in front of his eyes, while Mark prattled and asked him about his interests. He knew he barely got out a few words, too busy wondering if he had been kidnapped by aliens. That was how he ended up agreeing to a date with this Mark from church.
And Paul gave him a thumbs-up after that.
Frankly, Louis was still not convinced they shouldn't have scheduled an appointment with Paul's psychiatrist, no matter what Grace said.
Because he refused to believe Paul had become more accepting of his sexuality. Louis couldn't wrap his head around it. Not Paul, his sanctimonious brother more adherent to the Church's word than Mamaw. Paul, who threw a bible at his head when he had announced he had been dating Jonah for a few months, back in his early college days. Paul, who had tried to set him up with women as a way to remember his natural inclinations and leave Jonah. Paul, who cried in his arms one night that he didn't know how to fix him and he feared for Louis' soul.
Dozens of incidents like this were branded inside his mind, all made with Mamaw's support and Grace's guilty silences. Sure, she came to comfort him after that, but she never used to defend him in front of their mother and brother. But he had to be fair to his sister. She had changed her behavior since she found out she was pregnant and she had been his staunch supporter ever since he came back home.
Maybe Paul was trying to do the same. Or maybe he was simply being a fool and setting up his heart to be crushed on the altar of Paul's righteousness again. Hope had sprouted in the darkened corners of his heart, jumping at the few rays of sunshine he had been offered.
Maybe, just maybe, this could be a good thing.
Which was why he had even entertained Mark at all. A few exchanged texts resulted in a Friday night date and Paul's happy smile. A small price to pay for such a high reward. And he figured if the night didn't go as planned, he would always get some sex out of it.
"And the boss still has the gall to say he can't pay for a full fix of the issue! The system has crashed twice this week and he keeps making IT work overtime to make small patches that aren't solving the issue. As if IT hadn't told him about this months ago!"
Louis took a sip of his red wine. They were already on the second bottle. "Why didn't he do anything about it?"
"Because he thinks he knows better! He thinks he's a genius and everyone is beneath him. When in fact he dropped the ball so badly with this shit, IT might have to shut down the entire mainframe to fix this! We're supposed to finish the quarterly reports for a hundred firms next week. How am I supposed to do my work without my software? I have important people breathing down my neck for those reports and he's screwing us over with his greed."
"Uh-huh." Louis stabbed his zucchini with more force than it deserved.
"Just so you know, I'm no pushover, Louis. I went and told him exactly what's gonna happen if I don't get those quarterly reports when they're due. Cause he doesn't want to lose the biggest manufacturer in this part of the state as a client! And you know what that idiot told me? He–"
God, he never stopped. Mark was a talker. He talked so much his food had probably gotten cold. Louis had thought the quick prattle from Sunday was due to nervousness and Paul's suffocating vicinity. But no, Mark talked like that all the time apparently. And it always came back to something Mark did or saw or happened to him.
Me. Me. Me. That was what Louis had heard in the hour since this date started. Though he supposed accountants didn't spend a lot of time talking at their job, so maybe he was glad to have someone to talk to. Mark didn't strike him as the type to have a lot of friends. So far, Mark had explained in detail what kinds of forms he used for his quarterly reports and how they were different from yearly reports, gossip around the office, a tangent about Chloe the secretary who always took too long to answer the damn phone and now, his problems with his boss.
The date was going so well! Louis was ready to fake choking on a bit of salmon just to add some excitement.
"And he threatened to cut off my bonus," Mark ranted, his brown eyes brimming with frustration.
"Your boss sounds like an immature child who doesn't like being criticized."
"You're right. I swear, he's acting like the teen daughter of my neighbors! I can't believe a grown man would play the victim like that–"
The worst thing about this? Mark chewed with his mouth open. Louis' fingers tightened around his fork. Was it so hard to close his mouth, stop talking for 30 blessed seconds and chew? Louis didn't need to see the back of his throat. The only time he wanted to see it was when a man opened wide to suck his cock.
And couldn't he wipe his mouth every once in a while between bites? He kept talking and chewing and he had a bit of chicken stuck in his moustache. God knows his mustache looked awful on him, with hair tickling his upper lip. Which was a shame because Mark had a beautiful smile, with a pair of dimples that Louis found particularly attractive. Dimples were his weak spot. That moustache simply should have been trimmed or styled with some moustache wax or just shaved off.
Mark took a bite of his salad. Louis heard the crack of the salad leaf from the other side of the table. For fuck's sake! Whatever happened to nice manners and good breeding? Mamaw would have slapped him sideways had he ever slouched like that or chewed with his mouth open at the dinner table. Whatever happened to having a little bit of class?
His date must have seen something on his face because he stopped talking and swallowed loudly.
"But enough about me. I didn't come here to talk about my work during the entire date," said Mark, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.
Could've fooled me. "It's alright, it's nice that you're so passionate about your job."
Mark's eyes widened slightly and he hurried to shovel some food in his mouth. Grace said he never resembled their mother more than when he was displeased. Louis firmly disagreed with that statement and any idea that he resembled his mother whatsoever. Just because he pursed his lips and seemingly had a cool look in his eyes didn't mean he looked down on people or was dripping condescension. Grace was wrong. And biased. And childish.
"You know, when Father Paul told me he had a gay brother, I couldn't believe it.
Louis smiled tightly. "Trust me, he couldn't believe it either. In fact, he did everything he could to ignore it." He sighed. It wouldn't do to air out the family's dirty laundry to a virtual stranger. "But I'm not being fair to him, he has changed recently. This whole thing is an attempt to show his acceptance."
"Father Paul always struck me as an enlightened individual. This has only strengthened my belief that his kindness knows no bounds."
Louis choked on his wine. Father Paul's sanctimoniousness knew no bounds. "Yes, I'm so lucky to be his brother."
His date looked down at his food, twisting the corner of his napkin. Mark tried to say something twice but settled on sipping his wine and stealing looks at him. Louis tried to maintain a benevolent expression and curbed the urge to tap his foot.
"You know, what surprised me even more than Father Paul having a gay brother? Just how handsome you are," whispered Mark, meeting his eyes for one earnest moment and then looking away.
A wide grin stretched over Louis' face. "Are you calling my baby brother ugly, Mark?"
"What? No! Of course not. He-he's my priest, the guardian of my soul. I-I never thought about him that way, I swear. I just meant that you're - um - I think you're hot." He gulped down his wine, like admitting he found a man attractive was the hardest thing in the world.
The resemblance with his 20-something self was painful, and Louis felt a pang of sympathy for poor Mark. But he didn't have the patience to be another man's first gay relationship. Maybe it was cruel but he worked hard to get where he is, to accept himself as he is. He doesn't need the reminder of all his self-hatred. He still had enough of that on his own.
"If it's not too forward, of course," his date hurried to add.
Oh God, he wasn't gonna get laid tonight, was he?
"It's more than alright. I know I'm hot, plenty of people tell me."
Maybe if he skipped dessert he could still catch a booty call on his trusted dating up? Something to wash away this evening of awkward boredom.
"Right. Of course. Um – Father Paul said you worked in marketing?"
"Yeah, I'm the head of the marketing division at Anderson Inc."
Mark whistled softly. "Damn, that's a cushy job!"
"It is. I started in advertising and worked my way up. The benefits are amazing."
Those benefits were vital in paying for Daddy's care and Paul's stay in a psychiatric clinic after his suicide attempt. As much as he hated Tom Anderson, the money from this job had saved their asses at least a dozen times while he worked his ass off to pay the family's debts.
"You're lucky you're working for Mr. Anderson. I interned in his accounting department during college and let me tell you, it was inspiring! The department ran like a well-oiled machine. I remember being in awe of the cooperation between departments while I was there. Though, it's no wonder. Mr. Anderson is a smart man and runs a tight ship. Otherwise he wouldn't have expanded his business to several states in such a short time. I even attended his conference at Tulane two years ago and –”
"And he's a racist homophobic piece of shit who thinks I'm just an arrogant negro that's good with numbers," Louis barked, slamming his fork on the table. "He has a revolving door of secretaries he likes to fuck to make himself feel like a big strong man and then he goes back home to play the dutiful husband to his religious wife. He forced his last secretary to get an abortion and then promptly fired her. The desk didn't get cold until he had another young thing bent over it."
"That - That can't be. He's an upstanding member of New Orleans. He goes to the same church as my brother."
"He goes there to keep up appearances and be liked by his fellow white conservatives. And you wanna know something? That well-oiled accounting department is like that cause Greg works his ass off to keep it runnin' to his high standards and it cost him a heart attack, for which he nearly got fired cause his recovery period was too long for Mr. Tom Anderson. We're all making damn sure to solve our problems between us, so they don't get to him. We don't need his bullshit solutions. He's not some smart businessman for you to admire. All he's good at is being a slimy bastard, rubbing elbows with the right people, and lobbying them to get new contracts to sell his whiskey."
Louis took a deep breath and blew some through his nose. He shouldn't have gotten so angry, not during a little date, but he won't stand for people praising that son of a bitch.
"I'm sorry. I had no idea," gulped Mark.
"Well, now you do."
A tense silence settled over the table as they both finished their meal in silence. Mark kept shooting him nervous looks over their glasses, unsure of what topic to broach again. He was fiddling with his old-fashioned watch, tugging on the worn leather strap.
Louis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Paul, he was doing this for Paul.
"Would you like some dessert?"
Mark's face lit up and Louis was rewarded with a bright dimpled smile. God, he really needed to shave that moustache, his attractiveness would go up by at least 10%. No, 15%.
"I'd love to."
Mark ended up ordering a peach cobbler while Louis had a plate of his beloved beignets. They exchanged small talk over unoffensive, boring subjects. When Mark started complaining about the heat, Louis knew he had to do something so his brain didn't melt and slide out through his ears.
"Mark, putting aside reality or things that are and aren't possible, what is your biggest, fondest dream?"
"I – um – I don't know, really…"
Louis leaned over the table, the corner of his lips raised in a way he knew was attractive. "Come on, Mark, everyone has dreams. It's ok, I can keep a secret."
"Well, if you must know, I used to play football in college," he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was one of the wide receivers. I was quite good at it. But then I fucked up my knee and I had to drop out of the team. I'd give anything to get back to playing football. I would have loved to be a professional player."
"I'm sorry. I know what it's like to feel powerless when your life changes irremediably and you can't do anything about it."
"Yeah, well, God's paths are mysterious for a reason. I'm actually training a little football team with boys from the neighborhood. They're so talented and it's rewarding to help them achieve their dreams. I'm having them over to my place to show them the most famous football matches I can get my hands on, trying to improve their technique and all. I just showed them the Giants vs Patriots game from 2008."
"Um, cool for them?"
"You don't know about it?" gasped Mark. "It's one of the greatest NFL matches ever!"
Louis shrugged. " I don't watch football. Not much of a sports guy, really."
"Oh no, I have to tell you about it. It's a tale of resilience and skill. Of fighting till your last breath and never giving up."
Mark's brown eyes sparkled with life, becoming more animated than they had ever been the entire date. And that was when Louis understood he made a colossal mistake. Because Mark wouldn't shut up about NFL and the matches he saw and his favorite players. He just wouldn't stop. Please stop.
Louis was ready to slam his head against the wall when Mark started recounting the Giants vs Patriots game play-by-play.