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After being pushed away from the orphanage, Atsushi isn't doing oh-so well. Not at all. Nope, nope, nope!
In fact, he’s doing worse than ever.
Can’t find food. He can’t find food.
Food. Food is a necessity in life. He learned that from the orphanage’s education system. Food. Food, food, food.
He’s going to die. He’s going to die, to die, to die .
He needs food. He needs to eat. Anything, anything, would work. Anything.
A man approached him. He was holding out something in his hand. Money? Food? Atsushi couldn’t tell.
“Hey man. You doin’ alright? You don’t look so we-"
Atsushi could feel himself blacking out, but there was nothing he could do. A week without food will do that to you. The man could do nothing to help him.
-
“Hey Matsumoto, did yer hear about the accident on Tashiki Street?”
“No, and I don’t think I would like to. That type of thing disgusts me.”
“Oh, come onnn, don’t be like that!"
"I've seen it. It was brutal. Only thing left was the bones; suspected cannibalism."
"Gross."
-
Atsushi wasn't hungry anymore. Why isn't he hungry? How did he eat? He's been sitting here, here , by the river for hours. (Days? Years?)
He can't remember. He can't remember. He can't- he can't he can't he can't-
He knows he didn't eat anything. You can live fourteen days without food. That’s two weeks. Or was it twenty-one days? It doesn’t matter because it has been seven days. Days. A week. One hundred and sixty-eight hours.
His body had to have started surviving on fat. Not that he really had any. But the body naturally stores it, right? Yes, yes it does. He can look, he can start looking for food.
Atsushi walks into a corner store. Walking makes him woozy and his legs hurt and his stomach rebels against any movement. "Excuse me," he starts to say. His voice is scratchy and his throat is dry and it pains him to talk. "Do yo-u, by chance, have any food I- I could eat? I'm in a bit of a sticky situation as of now and…" Atsushi is met with horrified, disgusted faces.
"Kid, get out. We need customers who pay. Get a job if you have no money."
"Could I work here?" Atsushi politely asks.
"Nah, we have too many workers." The owner blatantly lies. Atsushi just looked revolting and gross and disgusting. Nobody would want someone to work at a business when they could so clearly bring it down. That's all he'd do, him and his good-for-nothing self.
“I apologize.” Atsushi walks out of the store. That man was rude. So rude. Just- Just because Atsushi was himself doesn’t mean-! It doesn’t! It does . Atsushi is vile and stupid and rude and he can’t do anything right and he- he-! And he cannot find the energy to hate himself. All the more reason to do so.
-
The days pass and Atsushi only gets hungrier and hungrier and hungrier and hungrier. Nothing, nothing, is going to calm him down. He’s going to die. To die, to die, to die!
People pass by him, not even sparing a second glance. There’s a person. There’s another. People. People. Humans. Humans are made of meat. Meat is edible. Meat. Food? No. Meat. People…
Atsushi finds an old lady. She’d be incapable of defending herself. “Excuse me, ma’am?”
“Yes?” The lady answers, her voice sweet and full of life.
Atsushi Nakajima, what are you thinking, you disgusting monster? What is wrong with you? This is why nobody at the orphanage would ever, ever, talk with you, you were alone and shoved in a cage and-
“N-nevermind, sorry.”
-
More and more and more and more days passed. Two weeks and four days. Living off of dirty river water and nothing. Ha, so it was three weeks. No food. Atsushi’s skin was fighting with his ribs. His bones may as well just kill him now. They were poking him like knives. Dirty, scrapped orphanage clothing and the stupid blue color that it’s always been.
Atsushi’s nose picked up a heavenly scent. Like the smell of fresh, homemade cookies or baking bread. And he followed it. He followed it, even when it went down the creepy, dark, alleyway. Even when he had to hop a chained fence. And even when the smell got nasty. It was still, so obviously, something he could eat.
Suddenly the smell didn’t smell so heavenly anymore. It smelled like burnt, rotting flesh, but Atsushi knew it would be worth it. Just to get a bite. Just to-
-
“Oi! Dazai!” Kunikida called to the lazy man sitting on the couch doing nothing – like always.
“Neh, what is it, Kunikida-kun?” Dazai called.
“We got a new case from the police. They want us to find a tiger, it’s been terrorizing citizens lately and generally causing mass destruction.”
“Oh, how fun! How many ways do you think a tiger could kill me? Ooh! Would any be painless? I bet some would! Kunikida-kun, help me out here!”
-
What had he done?
Oh God, what had he done?
Atsushi sat there, he sat there with blood on his face and a heart in his hand and liver on the floor and a wonderful, delicious taste in his mouth.
He was- he was going to go to jail. He was going to go to jail because he ate a human, a human being, and he was still hungry and he wanted more.
He deserved jail. He deserved death. He was a terrible, horrible, bad person and he ate a person and enjoyed it.
It was survival, for survival and he was going to get away with it and eat more because he enjoyed it .
Atsushi continued eating. He continued and kept going and going and going and going and going. He ate like it was his last meal because it may as well be and he ate and ate and ate and he hated himself for it but he wanted and needed, and needed so, so badly, to eat.
And it was one of the most delicious things he’s ever eaten.
He finished this man’s (woman’s? He couldn't tell anymore. He’d snapped the bones to eat the marrow and he drank the blood and ate the skin and the organs were so delicious and-) body and he wanted needed more.
But he didn’t. He really didn’t. Atsushi was disgusted with himself and how could he do this? But the person was already dead so it didn’t really matter but it did and and and and and and and and he was going to hell he’s going to die a slow painful death in jail and he’ll be isolated forever just like in the orphanage and it will be no different and oh God oh God oh God-
No. No, no, no, no. He can get out of this. He just needs to clean it up and then clean himself up. Yes. He can get out of this. He will get out of this.
Atsushi took the remains of the body, which was pretty much just bones, and put them in the dumpster. There was blood on the ground and on his face and on his hands and in his mouth and it tasted so, so good and Atsushi knew that he needed to clean it up. But he didn’t know how. He licked the blood off of his hands
disgustingdisgustingdisgusting
and tried to think about what to do next. He never ever ever ever wanted to do this again. (buthedidandheknewhewould) He’d go to the gym. It was dark out, nobody should be there so he could break in and take a shower and get clean and get this disgusting-ness off of him.
-
On his walk to the local gym, Atsushi encountered very few people. The few he did encounter were sketchy enough by themselves so he wasn’t terribly concerned about being ratted out.
He found the gym and easily broke through the minimal security it had.
The showers felt wonderful. They were cold, but that’s what Atsushi needed. What he needed to snap back to reality. Of course he only had a thin bar of soap, but that was enough to get the bloodstains off of his body and out of his hair but he couldn't getitoutofhisstomachandgodhewasgoingtothrowup
He stepped out of the shower and without drying himself off, put his dirty orphanage clothes back on. They were the only thing he had (and they were covered in dried blood), so he took them off again and washed them in the sink. The blood came pouring off in heaps and it smelled wonderful.
Now his clothes were wet and, though some bloodstains were fully off, most still had a very subtle light red stain (mostly around his neck) from the blood dripping off his chin onto the shirt.
Atsushi hated having to resort to a life of crime, but he had to. So he could survive. Other people didn’t matter. But he had to get rid of this. He had to, he had to, he had to, he had to!
If he could just get the human, the person, someone who had a life, a family, (someone who was already dead before he even decided to eat them), out of his stomach, he wouldn’t be a vile disgusting excuse of a human being.
Atsushi ran to the public restroom within the gym and readied himself against the toilet. He was about to hyperventilate, he could feel his breathing getting faster, but he needed to follow through with this.
He took two of his fingers and shoved them down his throat. He choked and gagged as saliva pooled out from his mouth.
Eventually he took his fingers out. Why couldn’t he do this? He took a deep breath and tried again. He plunged his fingers into the abyss and this time he would not give up. His teeth were scratching his knuckles and he gagged and choked and gagged and gagged and choked. His knees hurt from kneeling for so long and just as his vision was going fuzzy and he started to sway in and out of consciousness and black spots were everywhere, he jammed his fingers in even deeper, then he felt his stomach lurch and suddenly there was a big bloody mess in the toilet.
Atsushi felt oddly… proud of himself. Blood was on his fingers and spit dribbled from his chin and he could taste his meal on his tongue and in the back of his throat, but that didn't matter.
He drank from the sink faucet to avoid dehydration then he washed himself up again and went to sit by the river.
-
Atsushi soon realized the river would not be a suitable place to hunt.
He would be out in the open. Everybody would be able to see him feasting. The police would be informed. He’d be arrested on the spot.
-
He started hiding out by alleyways. It was cliche but probably effective. They were dark and due to fear, not many people resided near them. The people who did would soon learn to regret it.
-
It was happening again. He was starving. Again. He couldn’t just walk and expect a corpse to be nearby, he needed to attack them someone.
So he waited.
And he waited.
And waited.
And finally, after what felt like hours, a girl wandered into his sight.
She was… young. Ten years old, at most.
“Hello?” she said, probably trying to find her guardian. But Atsushi wouldn’t let her.
“Hello?” she tried again.
“Hello.” Atsushi walked right up to her. “Are you lost?” he asked.
The girl sniffed, “Yes. I can’t find my mama.”
“I see. Do you want me to help look?”
The girl started bawling, “y-eah.”
So he did.
But in reality he was only bringing her further away from where any parent would be.
His nails were claws and his eyesight was surprisingly good.
Then, he ripped it open. Its blood sprayed everywhere. It was a sight to behold. The only feeling that Atsushi felt was pure euphoria. This is what he wanted.
He could smell its fear and that excited him.
He slammed his fist into its neck over and over and over and over and over and finally the screams died out. Because it was dead.
And Atsushi feasted.
He feasted.
And as soon as he found a suitable place, he purged.
Because if he truly digested human flesh, he’d never be able to live with himself.
And this process repeated. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and again and again and again.
-
“Twenty-seven.”
“Mm?” Dazai looked up at his partner.
“This ‘tiger’ has murdered twenty-seven people and we still have yet to find it.” Kunikida walked in circles while looking at the file in his hand.
“I see. Well, I’ll be seeing you!” Dazai skipped out the Agency door.
“DAZAI!!!!!”
-
Atsushi was out by the river again today.
He wanted to try real food again. (hedidntnotreallyhedidnt)
He was going to rob someone this time.
Most thugs in the alley had, at most, two-hundred yen on them.
Atsushi needed more than that.
However, the only people walking by were people that, if he were to rob, he’d be arrested. Killed. Maybe taken hostage and tortured.
Until a man floating down the river appeared in his line of sight.
Ahh. He’d fish this man out and, hopefully, he'd be unconscious. Atsushi could take his money, and maybe save a limb or two for himself. (heshouldntheshouldntheshouldntbutheshould)
However, when he looked, the man had no money on him.
And soon–
“Tch.”
Looking up again, Atsushi saw the man was awake and… disappointed?
-
He had eaten real food for the first time in a long time.
It wasn't as euphoric as hunting, but he would never complain about a nice bowl of chazuke.
Atsushi learned the name of the man he fished out of the river.
Dazai Osamu and his partner, Kunikida Doppo.