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It was his crumb.
Buffy was hoping he’d understand the reference immediately, but no such luck.
“It’s a cookie crumb?” Spike asked.
“Well, yes. There were whole cookies, but then I remembered I gave Angel that dumb speech, not you, so you might not understand what I meant by them,” she rambled, awkwardly. “I mean, I still have the cookies. I left them with Harmony at her desk. But I thought, um, you know, poignant metaphor first.” She gestured helplessly at the crumb she’d handed him.
Spike was clearly baffled by this turn of events. Buffy had come blazing into the gym where he’d been sparring with Illyria, placated the Old One with nothing more than “Sorry, can I borrow him?”, pulled him into the hall, and handed him a cookie crumb. He shook his head, mostly in confusion. “It’s a metaphor,” he grasped.
“It’s a metaphor,” she said, proudly.
“You came all the way from Rome to give me cookies?”
“I wasn’t ever in Rome, Spike,” she explained. “A decoy Buffy is living there and dating the Immortal. But Andrew finally fessed up that you were alive after you guys went to visit.”
“That wasn’t you.”
“No!” She sighed, starting to lose her patience. “Yes, the man I love goes up in flames and I start dating the first hunky Highlander who comes along.” She rolled her eyes. “Does that really sound like me?”
“He’s not Scotti— wait, what was that?”
She smiled at his dropped jaw. “Man I love burned to death in the Hellmouth? It was very traumatizing,” she stated, matter-of-factly. “I’m showering you in crumbs here, Spike. Why aren’t you kissing me yet?”
“Oh. Well.” He made to remedy the situation, pulling her toward him when an untimely cough interrupted them.
They looked over to see that obnoxious curly-haired lawyer that was always around. He raised his eyebrows, coughing conspicuously into his hand as he muttered, “Get a room.”
“Right,” Buffy turned back to Spike expectantly. “Somewhere more private perhaps?”
***
“Hey boss, you want a cookie?” Harmony offered as they walked past her desk.
Angel passed with a wave, continuing toward his office, but Gunn stopped to peruse the Tupperware of chocolate chip cookies. “Harmony, did you bake?” he asked, surprised.
“No, Buffy brought them,” she replied cheerfully.
Angel spun around, striding back to her desk. “Buffy is here?”
“Uh, yeah, did you not see her? I told her you were in a meeting, but she said she’d wait around.” Harmony’s eyes lit up, suddenly remembering something. “Oh, she did ask where Spike was, so she probably went to find him.”
A glower set into Angel’s face. “Did… did she…” He clenched his teeth with a small hum, composing himself. “Did she bring Spike a cookie?”
Harmony and Gunn looked at him like he was nuts since he couldn’t possibly express the importance of such a stupid-sounding question.
“Uh, no? I think she left all the cookies here,” she replied, hesitantly.
“Oh,” Angel smiled, his mood changing again just as suddenly as it had at the mention of Spike. “Well, good!” He grabbed the container of cookies off Harmony’s desk. “I believe these are for me, then.”
Harmony opened her mouth to stop him, but he was already in his office.
“Send Buffy in as soon as she’s back,” he commanded, ushering Gunn in behind him and shutting the door.
She rolled her eyes, sinking back into her chair. “Will do, boss.”
***
Spike showed Buffy back into the training room, surprised to see Illyria standing where they’d left them. “Big Blue. Thought you’d be off by now.”
Illyria turned to the Slayer. “You. Spike is my pet and you will not presume to take him for yourself.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“Did I not speak loud enough?” the demon asked, raising their voice. “If you try to steal him, you will suffer the consequences.”
“Now, Illyria…” Spike began.
“Listen up, Sassy Smurf,” Buffy cut him off. “Spike is his own person and no one’s pet. But also, I would definitely have dibs.”
Illyria furrowed their blue brow. “I am unfamiliar with this term: ‘dibs’.”
“Means I already belong to her,” Spike replied, with a wink at Buffy. “Always did.”
“The pink and yellow one has a prior claim?”
“Pink and yellow Slayer , thank you,” the woman in question huffed.
Illyria nodded. “Ah, this is the Slayer with the funny name of whom you so often speak. I understand now.” They took a step back. “I will concede your prior claim, Slayer. Consider yourself fortunate not to have to battle Illyria the God-King this day.”
“Uh, sure,” Buffy said.
Just then, Wesley stepped into the room.
“Ah, Buffy,” he said with a serious nod. “Angel mentioned you were here. I believe he’s, um, eagerly awaiting your presence.”
She sighed, shrugging at Spike. “Better get that over with, I guess. Come on, we can go get you a cookie if Harmony hasn’t eaten them all.”
***
“Cookie me, Harm,” Spike demanded as they approached the desk.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Harmony, can I please have my cookies back?”
“No can do,” she replied. “Angel heard they were yours and took off with them.”
“What?” Spike shot her a look at her distressed outburst. “The cookies are also a metaphor and he’s going to think they’re for him.” He still looked confused. “The cookies are me , Spike.”
“Oh, balls,” he groaned.
Harmony sighed. “I tried telling him that you were going to find Spike, but he seemed to think it meant something that you didn’t take a cookie for him?”
Buffy smacked herself in the forehead. “Ok, let’s settle this then.” She grabbed Spike by the hand and pulled him along, storming into Angel’s office.
“Buffy!” Angel jumped up from his desk as Gunn turned in his chair to see them.
“Hey, Angel,” she acknowledged. “And, uh, Gunn, right?”
“Yeah, we met on your way out of the Hellmouth.” He waved.
Angel’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you two holding hands?” He gestured emphatically at the Tupperware of cookies sitting untouched on his desk. “You’re baked.”
“I am…” she replied. “Just, uh, not for you.” Spike grinned over her shoulder cheekily.
Angel floundered. “But… the cookies?”
Buffy sighed deeply, shaking her head. “It was a mixed metaphor. I’m sorry.”
“You brought me cookies,” Angel insisted.
“My cookies belong to Spike.”
She pulled the bleached blonde vampire into a kiss that left him speechless, the others staring on, agog. “Sorry for the confusion,” she added with a grin.