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Crowley stared at the angel, he was right. The only reason Aziraphale would leave the new office he’d probably been given would be to take the holy water away from him, Aziraphale didn’t care that a demon was in pain, he just wanted to make sure that a tainted demon wasn’t messing around with something holy.
He fixed the angel a glare that would’ve made his house plants burst into flames, but Aziraphale didn’t seem fazed in the slightest. “I don’t understand why that’s any of your business, Supreme Archangel.” Aziraphale gave the most imperceptible flinch at the ice in Crowley’s voice, that ice had never been targeted at him before.
“Crowley, please tell me what you are going to do with that water? I know you don’t need it for protection anymore because I’ve made sure those nasty other demons can’t harm you so don’t even try and use that as an excuse.” Aziraphale looked genuinely concerned about the reason he may get. “Crowley, please give back the holy water dearest.”
That was what got him, that word, that someone forsaken word. The endearment he had heard all variations of during their long long friendship. That’s what caused all the anger, all the fight to drain out of him, leaving only the empty sadness that had been consuming him that whole day, ‘Dearest’ made everything that was helping him deflect the pain crumble, it stopped the memory of the angel getting in that elevator and going away instead it brought back the memories of they meeting at rendezvous, and ‘accidently’ getting seats in theatres that are next to each other. It made Crowley desperate to hug and cling to Aziraphale and never let him go again.
It made the dam break.
Tears began rolling fast without pause down the broken demon's face, Crowley stumbled back and leant against the wall and silently sobbed. There was a soft, “Oh Crowley.” followed by the faint soft of moving fabric and footsteps across the floor, then the smell of old paper and the angel's cologne filled all of Crowley's senses as Aziraphale sat down next to him, along with the ever welcome warmth of pure angelic grace. “Crowley Dearest, What ever is the matter?”
The demon however wasn’t able to find his voice in between the shuddering breaths and flowing tears. He just shook his head and continued to get all the tears out of him, and eventually Crowley slowly lowered his head onto Aziraphale’s shoulder. He didn’t care how much the angel had caused him to hurt just a few hours ago, he will, once he’s done crying and has the energy to properly yell and be angry at him, but for now Crowley just lets himself be in the angel's presence while he cried.
“Crowley dearest, I know you’re upset with me but I need to know why you had that holy water.” Aziraphale had placed his arm around Crowley’s shoulders gently, the demon melting instantly against the grounding weight. This question however, unmelted him, he seemed to seize up in place and his breathing came out in shaky puffs.
He was questioning for the first time in so long, whether he could trust the angel with the truth. Aziraphale was someone he had trusted and loved in the secret of his own mind for so long, and now he was questioning whether he should let the angel in and tell him what his plan with the holy water was.
In the end he knew that Aziraphale would find out eventually, and this was something he needed the control over. He needed to have control over how the conversation started, needed Aziraphale to hear it from him, not find out from whatever questions the angel will surely ask to anyone who might have any idea.
So Crowley focused on his breathing until it evened out once more and he felt he could talk without turning into a teary mess, and without moving away from Aziraphale or moving his head from his shoulder he started to tell the angel.
“I had the holy water because I was going to take a short bath in it.” Now that he said that, anger and hurt began bubbling to the surface and he moved away from the angel standing up and stepping away, taking note of the shock and sadness that made its way onto Aziraphale’s face as the angel followed suit and stood up. “I got the holy water from Muriel because I knew she wouldn’t ask questions, I knew she had no idea how things worked here so she wouldn’t connect the dots of me asking for holy water only a few hours after you fucking left me.” Aziraphale flinched at the venom that had entered Crowley’s voice, ‘ good’ he thought, let the angel get a glimpse at the emotions Crowley was feeling that weren’t poorly uncontrolled sobs. “I knew that if there would be any reason you’d come back was to take back that water, but I was hoping that you’d be too busy with your new buddies in heaven that never gave a single flying fuck about anyone’s wellbeing but their own!”
Aziraphale seemed both surprised and unsurprised about Crowley’s outburst, he must’ve known that the hurt he had caused Crowley would make its way out to the world as anger, that had been the way Crowley worked for so long not letting anyone in for fear of them leaving or them getting too close. He had been this way since before the fall, heaven had made it clear that there was no room for questions or comradery, everyone was trying to be a favourite and follow the blasted ineffable plan to the blessed ineffable T.
The angel stood there wisely letting Crowley say what he needed to say.
“I get I can be an idiot sometimes Aziraphale, we both are, but I seriously thought that when you agreed that we were on our side, when we both made our places on earth together without heaven and Hell breathing down our necks every second of every fucking day, I seriously was dumb enough to think that it meant we were sticking together no matter what. That we would stick together no matter what those twats up high or assholes down below offered or did. I thought…. I thought we could actually be an us. ”
These were the words that Crowley had spoken only hours prior but they had come out sounding defeated, now they came out angry and sad and so many different emotions wrapped into one voice. The bath full of holy water was calling out to him louder than before, the demon hated being this vulnerable, he hated the fact that it was Aziraphale, the angel who was supposed to be his sworn enemy but became his best friend, that had made him feel this sad and alone. He hated that right now there were two reasons preventing him from charging to the bathroom and drowning himself in holy water.
One was that Aziraphale was standing in between him and the bathroom door. And the second reason was that, even though he was currently yelling at him, he had the angel in his presence and a part of him does not want to leave Aziraphale again.
The anger fizzled out of his body and Crowley once more slumped down onto the hard floor of his flat, Aziraphale moved as well and carefully sat down next to Crowley giving the demon enough space to decide whether he wanted physical contact like before or whether he needed as much space as the flat would give. It seemed once more Crowley’s desire to touch outweighed his anger, and the demon scooched closer until their shoulders and thighs were pressed together.
“Crowley my dear, I’m so terribly sorry. And I know that a few words will never make up for all the awful things I’ve done to you, not just today but over the course of our time together on earth. I’m sorry for ever pushing you away and denying we were friends or more than that simply for the ridiculous reasoning of trying to keep you safe, I knew every time that I had hurt you deeply and every time I pushed you away I thought that you’d finally realise it was for your own good, but you’re too stubborn, you always came back.
“You always knew how to make things right, and after today I wouldn’t think to blame you for one second if you told me to leave and never come back, because I don’t deserve you. I don’t think I’ve ever deserved you dearest, you are the most wonderful being She ever created and anyone who has ever made you feel like anything other than the amazing creature you are, is a complete idiot, myself included. How I ever thought making heaven perfect was better than living here with you I’ll never know, my working theory on that is that there was something in that coffee the Metatron gave me.
“But right now that doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters to me is you and your safety. Crowley I know that I have caused damage that may never go away, but my dear I will always be here if you ever need me. You have been so patient with me for centuries, and have always helped me when I needed you so I think it’s my turn to be here whenever you need me if you ever do.”
Crowley was once again crying. Somebody, he hadn’t cried this much in front of someone since the 14th century when he just broke down in the height of the plague and Azirphale had found and held him while he cried without uttering a word the whole time.
He turned to face Aziraphale fully and hugged the angel as tight as he could and buried his face into Azirphale’s shoulder. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley, enveloping the crying demon with warmth and a sense of love that was so strong it should be breaking the very fabric of the universe. “Angel?” Crowley said in a muffled watery voice, “Yes my dearest?”
“Was there something in the coffee?”
Aziraphale let out a small breathy chuckle, “I do believe so, I don’t think I would ever leave you for heaven if I didn’t have something messing with my head.”
Crowley raised his head from Aziraphale’s shoulder, “You mean you wanted to stay here on earth with me?”
“Darling I wanted to spend eternity with you, I don’t care where we go. Whether we stay here on earth, go to Alpha Centauri, or some other far off galaxy that you helped make. Crowley I know sometimes my actions say otherwise, but I love and care for you too much to simply go away from you when I’m thinking straight.”
Crowley gave a slow blink and pulled further away from Aziraphale to look him in the eyes, looking like he was scanning for any sign of tricks, “You love me Angel?”
“Of course I do you silly thing, I love you more than anything in the universe.”
Aziraphale pulled Crowley close once more and the demon’s reply was muffled but heard easily by the angel, “I love you too Angel, so much it hurts.”
They both clung tightly to each other and sat on the floor of Crowley’s flat for who knows how long soaking up each other's presences.
Eventually the silence was broken by Crowley whispering, “We may need to pay our good friend the Metatron a visit soon.”
Aziraphale hummed in agreement. “Yes Darling I think we may need to do that.”