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“Nick.”
Huh?
“Nick,” someone says again. Their voice sounds far away. “Here, drink some water.”
Nick blinks and concentrates.
Oh, it’s Tara. She looks annoyed.
“Yes,” he says. It feels like a fitting reply.
“Take the water already! And drink!”
The bottle feels cold and soothing in his hand, so Nick presses it against his cheek.
Tara sighs, grabs his wrist, and guides his bottle-holding hand towards her. Nick watches, fascinated, by how quickly she opens it for him. “Now drink.”
Nick does. He spills a bit. “Woops.”
“I’ve never seen you this bad. What happened?”
Nick wants to shrug. But he’s forgotten how that works. “Life is cruel, Tara,” he tells her instead.
“Okay. Can you drink some more water for me?”
Nick nods. He would do anything for Tara. Tara is the best.
“Come on then.” Tara grabs his hand and leads him away from the dancing bodies. Suddenly, he’s leaning against a wall, firm hand on his shoulder.
“Where are the others?” Tara asks. “Why are you by yourself when you’re completely pissed? You know this is dangerous, right?”
Nick wants to shrug again. But how?
“What’s going on, Nick?” Tara’s eyes are big and questioning. Maybe worried, too.
Nick closes his eyes. “I… can’t.”
“Okay. We’ll talk later. Wait here, yeah? I’ll be back in just a second and drive you home.”
Nick nods, closing his eyes again.
Five minutes later, he’s put in the passenger seat of Tara’s dented Honda. He lets his head rest against the window. The cool glass feels nice against his temple.
“You’re not going to be sick in my car, are you?”
Nick shakes his head. “No. Promise.”
They drive in silence for a while, the very distant chatter from the radio being the only noise. Why is there no music?
“It hurts,” bubbles from his chest at the next traffic light. “It hurts, Tara.”
“Why don’t you close your eyes and I’ll wake you when we’re at your dorm, okay?”
Nick nods against the misty window. He takes a deep breath, maybe it’ll help.
But it doesn’t. His heart is right back where it was an hour ago: next to the bar, watching in shock, being ripped into pieces.
“I’m so in love with him.”
Tara reaches over and pats his shoulder. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow, alright? I’ll come over at lunch.”
“I couldn’t even move. I just stood there and watched. And it hurt so much.”
“Nick…”
“Why doesn’t Charlie love me back? Why is he kissing—”
“Nick,” Tara interrupts.
“Is this what it feels like for you, when you see Darcy making out with other people?”
“Nick, shut up!” Tara stops the car.
He turns to look at Tara. Her eyes are wide, panicked.
What’s happening? It’s not like they haven’t talked about this a hundred times before?
Charlie, Darcy, the whole thing.
“Uh, Nick?”
Nick blinks at the voice, then turns his head towards the back of the car.
“Hi,” Darcy says, raising her hand in a timid wave.
No. God, no!
He turns even further. Further still. Until he finds Charlie staring back at him.
Nick rips open the car door and barfs on the sidewalk.
+++
Despite everything, Nick falls asleep as soon as his head hits his pillow.
He wakes up to someone stroking his hair.
Tara.
“Tell me it didn’t happen. Tell me I didn’t… Please,” he begs without opening his eyes.
Tara sighs.
“I want to die.”
“Yeah, same.”
Nick rolls over to look at her. “I am so, so sorry. I… can you ever forgive me? I’m the worst friend on the planet. I… oh god.”
“Nick. It’s okay.”
Nick sits up. His head hurts like never before and he winces. “No, no, it’s not. I’m so sorry.”
“Not gonna lie, I did want to kill you for a minute there.”
“You should’ve.”
“But actually… it, um, turned out alright.”
“What?”
“After I put you to bed and stopped myself from suffocating you with your pillow…”
“Yes?”
“Darcy and I talked.”
Nick gapes. “Oh my god, you did? How did it go?”
Tara’s lips stretch into a grin. “Really good, actually. We’re going on a date tomorrow.”
Nick scrambles forward, ignoring the throbbing pain in his head for a moment, and throws his arms around her. “I’m so fucking happy for you!”
“I might actually have to thank you, you idiot.”
Nick chuckles. “I am prepared to take full credit when you’re officially in a relationship with Darcy.”
“Let’s not… get ahead of ourselves. Who knows if that will ever happen.”
“Oh, it will. I already had a hunch that she likes you back. Now it’s confirmed.”
Tara clears her throat and tugs at her shirt. “Well, we’ll see, I guess.”
Nick hugs her again.
“What about you?” Tara asks.
Nick lets himself flop back on the bed an pulls his pillow in front of his face. “I need to switch unis.”
“Don’t be stupid.”
“No, there’s no other way. I can’t ever look at him again.”
Tara wrestles the pillow from him – he really doesn’t put up much of a fight – and her face appears above him. “You need to talk to him.”
Nick groans and grabs for the pillow again, but Tara is quicker. So instead, Nick closes his eyes. “I can’t. I am mortified. And I fucked up our friendship. And he’s probably already dating the guy from last night and—”
“Nick.”
“What.”
“What if Charlie likes you back?”
“He doesn’t.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know. And he made out with a guy in front of me last night. He can’t really make it any clearer.”
“Huh.”
“What.”
“I mean, he seemed… dumbstruck last night. Like, genuinely baffled.”
Nick scoffs. “Yeah, because he found out that one of his best friends is pining for him and he doesn’t know what to do with that.”
“But… maybe in a good way?”
“How could there possibly be a good way?”
“Well, yes, he obviously didn’t expect this at all. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it was unwelcome information?”
Nick sits up again. “You really think that could be a possibility?”
“Maybe?” Tara shrugs. “Look at me! I was one hundred percent sure Darcy doesn’t like me back. But she does.”
“Hm.”
“Talk to him, okay? Text him, at least. But right now, let’s eat something. I brought muffins and things for cheese toasties.”
Nick nods and gets up slowly, assisted by Tara.
He knows she means well but there’s no way Charlie likes him back.
Nick’s not that lucky.
+++
Nick (19:36): Charlie, I am so so sorry about yesterday. I hate that I made things weird and I hope you still want to be friends.
Nick (21:02): I completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me. Right now or ever. I’m so sorry.
Charlie (21:07): Hey. How are you feeling?
Nick (21:09): Hey. Thank you for texting back. I feel like shit. How are you?
Charlie (21:12): Confused, I guess
Nick (21:12): I’m so sorry, Charlie. I’m a complete idiot.
Charlie (21:20): Did you mean it?
Nick (21:25): Yes. Sorry. But I swear I’ll get over it.
Nick (21:55): Charlie?
Charlie (21:56): Don’t
Nick (21:57): Don’t what? Don’t keep texting you? Sorry. I’ll stop.
Charlie (21:59): No. Don’t get over it. If you really meant it.
Nick (22:01): I’m sorry what??
Nick (22:03): What does that mean??
Charlie (22:05): You free?
Nick (22:05): Like right now?
Charlie (22:06): Yes
Nick (22:06): I mean, yeah?
Charlie (22:06): Meet me at the bench in front of the coffee shop?
Nick (22:07): Now??
Charlie reacts with a thumbs-up and Nick feels like he has heart attack.
+++
Somehow – he doesn’t know how, seeing as he’s in the middle of a heart attack – Nick makes it to the bench within 15 minutes.
He sits, breathing heavily, willing his heart rate to slow down.
Is Charlie even coming?
No, Charlie wouldn’t mess with him. Even after how Nick behaved last night. Charlie is the nicest, most perfect person on the planet.
But there’s also a real possibility that the most perfect person on the planet is about to break Nick’s heart once and for all.
And since he’s also the nicest person on the planet, he wants to do it in person.
That’s what this is, right?
Nick wipes at his eyes. Fuck.
“Hi.”
Nick’s heart rate picks right back up. “Hi,” he wheezes.
Charlie sits down and hands Nick a coffee cup.
Nick blinks at it.
“Don’t worry, it’s tea.”
“Charlie, I—”
“You really meant what you said? The part about… being in love with me?”
“I…” Fuck. Nick feels the tears spill over.
“Nick?”
“Yes. I did. And I’m so sorry if I ruined our friendship. I really hope you can, after some time—”
“Stop.”
“Sorry.” Nick looks down.
“No, just… stop talking for a sec.”
“Yeah, I got that.” Fuck, this is brutal.
“No!” Charlie groans and Nick hears him put his cup down. “Can you look at me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want you to see me crying on top of everything.”
“Nick. Please look at me.”
Nick takes a deep breath and turns to look at Charlie.
“You really don’t know?”
Nick wipes his eyes. “Don’t know what?”
“That I…”
Nick waits and watches Charlie inhale through his nose.
“That I’m… in love with you, too.”
Nick hears it, processes it, and has another heart attack.
+++
Nick somehow gets over his second heart attack, too.
It helps that he’s kissing Charlie.
Kissing. Charlie.
The thought makes the happiest of laughs bubble from his mouth.
“What?” Charlie asks, pulling back a bit but resting his forehead against Nick’s.
Nick takes a deep breath, filling his nostrils with this moment. “I just… I never thought this would happen to me.”
Charlie strokes his thumb along Nick’s cheek. “Me neither,” he answers before pressing his lips to Nick’s again.
And Nick can’t get enough. Won’t ever get enough of this.
They kiss until the moon breaks free from behind its cover of clouds, bathing the scene in magic light.
Their cups lie knocked-over on the ground, Earl Grey and cappuccino trickling into the patch of sparse grass below.
In a little while, they will give their lips a break.
Nick will walk Charlie back to his dorm and he will finally – finally – be able to hold Charlie’s hand. He will ask him for a date and kiss him goodnight.
He will not wait anywhere near a normal amount of time before asking Charlie to be his boyfriend. Because he’s already waited for forever.
He will not hold back on telling Charlie how he feels over and over again. And he will hope that Charlie says it back.
The heart attacks he will get used to.