Archive of Our Own ^beta

Is it bad at being a totem? Sacrifice thinks so.

Or at least it assumes it is, since it has nothing to go off from, it has to assume the worst by now. Sacrifice longs for things, oh so many different things, this longing inside it is like a flame which keeps it alive, but at the same time fuels the flames of doubt, of the disgusting feeling of selfishness.

It is uncertain if it should want things, is it even allowed to do so? Would it go against a totems nature to want rather than to give? It was made with a purpose, a purpose to serve and to grant its life to whomever it belongs to, but it is hard to fulfil that role if no one is holding onto it. What use does it have if just trapped in a chest?

What it wouldn't give, for the golden Hand to finally reach into that chest, reach into the void that imprisons it in a space where neither time nor space move. There was nothing here, just a stagnant silence, it itself almost feels like part of the unchanging state of the void. It was unbarable. Golden skin melting with the being of the darkness.

Every now and again when an enderchest is opened by its owner it is being teleported from the nothingness into that specific chest which was in use at the moment, but each time it is still ignored. Shuffled around to make space for building blocks and other rarities like heads.

Sacrifice doesn't know what is worse, to look outside whenever it is allowed a short glimpse of the outside, to look at the blue skies, rainy storms, shiny nights or inviting warmth filled with red; or even its owner, golden smooth skin marked only by decorative engravings, his green enchanting eyes mirroring its own, be enveloped by a sense of belonging and realise what it is missing out all the time while trapped in here or if it is just better to look away, but still feel the debilitating loneliness.

It pains it. The silence, but it isn't sure if the words of its father, if it is even worthy enough to call him that, when he first brought it to live were any more bearable. The doozers happily jumping around, urging its father to adopt it, to give it a name, but Foolish only getting frustrated at that, pushing it into the enderchest and telling the little workers that he would like a totem for himself to actually be able to use. The doozers call out Sacrifice, to Foolishes dismay.

And so it was named. Not by its father, its maker, but by the kind workers who saw something more than just another things to use.

Giving something a name means getting attached to it, giving it a life, to actually care about it. Sacrifice was neither cared for nor was Foolish attached to it, but having the doozers call out its name did give it a reason to hope that maybe one day their chants would reach its fathers ears and would make it be loved by the only one it cares about more than itself.

Calling Foolish its father was just a fantasy it likes to think about, a possibility that somehow, someway Foolish will look into the chest see it and exclaim how stupid he is for leaving his child behind like that. That one day mercy would be given to the small helpless totem and be called his child. It is a disappointing to think about really, every time hoping for it to be brought out for only another thing taking its place in its makers hands.

Something which adds to the tragedy of the totems situation is that it is conscious, it is aware, which wouldn't be the case usually. Totems are just in reality objects, just like any chest, stick, block is and will be, but the differentiating factor between its kind and a regularly thing is that it is infused with magic, with live giving magic and so when none other than a God was holding it for so long while subconsciously thinking of it as a child, or trying not to, it manifested into existence, but not enough to fully bring it to live. So while Sacrifice is trapped in its body, unable to move or even show any signs of life, a true totem in all aspects but in awareness.

It is a cruel joke forced upon it, being not only trapped in a prison of dark obsidian, the void, but also trapped in its own body as well. A cruel game life is playing with the totem, it never asked to end up this way.

Through its situation Sacrifice has a lot time to think, which is not really ideal for a small child like it was, left with nothing else to stimulate its senses other than its lonely being. It barely gets to see the outside world for no more than a few moments at a time, so what was it supposed to learn about the world? How is it supposed to experience the world, people, nature, concepts and all the different pleasures the world has to offer if trapped in here?

How is it supposed to think about something other than its father, which was mostly just make believe scenarios in its mind, made up, and its own incapability. It can't stop denying the fact that it is a faulty totem, a bad totem, a selfish totem.

A faulty child, a bad child, a selfish child.

Simply a totem that wants to live.

Is it too much to long for a fatherly embrace, but not in case there is a fight and it is just a plan B in case Foolish might not survive. Sacrifice wants to be loved, to be cared about, to experience what it means to have a family. People who it can trust, who wouldn't leave it alone, to not abandon it as soon as it was made.

Even if its existence isn't much, actually mostly lacking even, but the thought of not existing, dying, is a scary thing which it does not have to fight with, well that is until it is brought out by its maker to grant him another life.

But Sacrifice would perish for its creator, for its only light in the void. As horrible as the thought of not existing anymore might be scary to a child, it still depressingly agreed that it would not even second guess the choice between its existence and its fathers life. It would give up all lives in the world if it meant to save its father, maybe, just maybe if it proved itself to its father as worthy, as helpful, maybe then will Foolish accept it as its child, as his own blood and gold.

What if it isn't its intentions that were repulsive to its maker, but its appearance instead? Was it not shiny enough? The lack of sun surely did a number on it, but it doesn't think that anything has changed because of how little it has been handled in its life. Is it the dullness of its eyes, is the emerald not green enough? Does it lack in pureness? Sacrifice doesn't feel this way, it knows that the pillagers always used the best materials that they could provide to create totems to bring people to live or else it might not have worked, but maybe they didn't have the best materials at hand while making it? Maybe Foolish could see something a normal mortal like the pillagers couldn't see?

Maybe it just is a disgusting impure child that needs to be ridden of its dirty outside.

Every moment that passes makes the little totem more and more depressed, its thoughts mimicking the void of the enderchest and consuming it whole. If it could cry it would, but instead Sacrifice just screams out in its head until its mind ached and the fire of longing subdued.