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"Let me take this chance to make a formal announcement. Kim Chaehyun is my woman!"
The crowd could only watch on in shock as Sung Hanbin took center stage.
"Hanbin-oppa…" Chaehyun's voice was like air as she looked on from beside him. Her cheeks were a perfect shade of pink as Hanbin grabs her wrist, pulling her close before placing a passionate kiss on her lips. She kisses back with just as much fervor. Fireworks fly in the night, the crowd goes wild.
Then it was over.
Matthew no longer felt glued to his seat, face frozen in a mockery of happiness. His hands stalled their clapping, instead beginning to tremble. He could see the look of horror on Hanbin's face as his true self resurfaced. His head snapped towards the crowd, landing on the image of a heartbroken man amongst the splendor.
"Hao…"
But he was already gone, fleeing the scene in a tearful frenzy. Hanbin shoved Chaehyun away, racing after Zhang Hao at terrifying speeds.
"HAO, BABY, PLEASE WAIT!"
Hearing his friend's frantic plea, It took all of Matthew's strength not to break down right then and there. He turned his head, only to make direct eye contact with the person he's least equipped to deal with at that moment. The eyes staring back at him spell confusion and worry and jesus fucking christ, Matthew can't take this anymore.
The grief hits and he's out of that backyard before he knows it.
<>
The country club at which Mrs. Sung decided to hold Hanbin's birthday party was ginormous, full of winding paths and secret passages to spots one may never know even exist. Matthew finds himself at one such place, one of the many stunning gardens belonging to this land. A short set of stairs and a cobblestone path led down to a gazebo situated on the edge of a lake, adorned with glittering fairy lights. His steps slowed as he approached, leading him to collapse in the center of the structure. His lungs burned with the effort of his escape and his vision blurred with unshed tears.
Here, in the midst of the glittering lights, is where Matthew finds solace, letting out all of the frustration brought on by the events of the night..
"It's not fucking fair," he sobs to himself. Matthew slams his fist down on the wood and cries up towards the heavens. "WHO ARE YOU TO PLAY GOD?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" He chokes on his next breath, folding into himself as a coughing fit claims him.
This whole situation was so fucked. If someone had told the Seok Matthew of a couple weeks ago that his entire life was just part of a shoujo manhwa where Seuli High's 2 top students compete to get the girl, he would have simply smiled and nodded (and asked for a bit of what they were smoking, but that's besides the point) . Then came the book, tucked away between numerous graphic novels in the school library. He should have never touched the damn thing. Soon he couldn't ignore the sound of the pages turning in real life, being teleported from scene to scene like some sort of pawn on a chess board.
A side character, fated to do what the writer says, never able to rebel. That's what Matthew is, what he's always been. Now he's just conscious of it.
Matthew surely would have gone insane had it not been for the numerous other students that he found becoming like himself. Becoming self-aware.
Kim Taerae, Kim Gyuvin, Shen Ricky, and even the two "main leads" themselves had all come to realize the hand they had been dealt. Slowly but surely they all made their way to Matthew's little hideout in the 'Shade', the space outside the scripted scenes, coming to terms with the situation and forming new bonds. It was there in that kitchen that Matthew saw the love between Hao and Hanbin begin. It was clear to anyone that spent 0.5 seconds with the pair off 'Stage' that they were meant to be.
Well, everyone except…
"Matthew-yah! Seok Matthew!"
Speak of the devil.
Matthew forced his breathing to steady as he turned around. Running down the path in full suit and tie, hair styled to perfection, was Kim Jiwoong. Matthew's childhood friend and the love of his life. He’s about to tell the older man to go away when he feels a familiar stiffness enter his body. His tongue goes numb and his body is no longer his own. Seok Matthew belongs to the ‘Stage’.
Jiwoong crouches in front of his younger friend, taking in the distress on Matthew’s face.
“Hyung,” Matthew’s voice croaks before his face splits into a wry smile. “I guess this means it’s over. Chaehyun never liked us, she was in love with Hanbin all along.”
“Yeah,” Jiwoong sighs, taking a seat next to Matthew on the gazebo’s floor. He crosses his legs and glances over at his friend. “So much for true love, huh?”
Matthew giggles and Jiwoong finds himself smiling at the sight. His voice takes a solemn tone when he speaks again.
“I’m sorry Mattchu-yah. I let my feelings for Chaehyun get in between us. All those things I said-”
“I never meant any of it either.”
Jiwoong’s smile grows. “You’re my closest friend, not even liking the same girl could change that.” He sticks out a hand, a peace offering. “Truce?”
Matthew’s eyes turn into their signature crescents as he takes Jiwoong’s hand. Jiwoong’s smile is blinding as he wraps an arm around Matthew, pulling the smaller man closer and patting his head lovingly. Matthew tucks himself into Jiwoong’s side, a content smile gracing his face.
And then it’s over.
Matthew shoves himself away from Jiwoong immediately, rising to his feet. The anguish on his face is a stark contrast to the warmth it just held. He turns his back on the other man, arms crossed as he clutches onto his biceps for dear life.
“Matthew…?” He can hear Jiwoong getting to his feet, flinching as a hand lands on his shoulder. It squeezes, but Matthew refuses to look back. “Matt, what’s wrong?”
“You.”
“Excuse me?” Jiwoong’s face twists in disbelief as Matthew pivots, clearly distraught.
“You’re wrong, I’m wrong, EVERYTHING IS WRONG!” Matthew growls, hands tightening into fists as his teeth grind. He throws his hands up into the air, slipping into a heated rant.
“We’re not real, hyung! None of this is real! We’re nothing but characters in a shitty romance manhwa. We can’t make our own decisions, we can’t even live our own life without having to submit to the will of the writer. Even if we try to rebel, everything will just go back to the way it was with the next turn of the page!” Matthew is fully spiraling now, breaths becoming labored as he hyperventilates. “We’ve tried to change the story, but nothing ever works. I’ve tried so fucking hard, for their sake…”
Matthew falls to his knees, shoving his face into his hands as he begins to cry. He cries for all of his friends, for the lives they’ll never get to truly live. He cries for Zhang Hao, remembering how broken the man was when he discovered the truth of their world. He cries for Hanbin, sweet sweet Hanbin who might be the bravest of them all, taking a chance on love despite the grim outlook. “Hanbin, I’m so sorry…”
“Okay, that’s it,” The hands shielding Matthew’s face are ripped away as he’s once again faced with the stoic image of Kim Jiwoong. “I need you to breathe for me, okay? Match your breathing to mine. Can you do that, hmm?”
Matthew tries to say something, but finds he can’t release much more than a sputtered gasp. He’s gently pushed back, relaxing into a seated position. Jiwoong’s eyes stare into Matthew’s soul as he runs a hand through the younger’s hair, giving little pieces of encouragement as Matthew begins to calm down. After a minute or so, the rise and fall of their shoulders has synced up.
“You’ve been going on and on about this ‘writer’ and our ‘story’ for weeks now. At first I thought you were just joking but it’s clearly more of that. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on Matthew-yah.” Jiwoong removes a handkerchief from his breast pocket, dabbing at the younger man’s tear stained face. “Start with Hanbin, what’s wrong with Hanbin?”
“He’s in love,” Matthew croaks out, sounding entirely devastated.
“I know that,” the elder raised one perfect eyebrow. "We were both there when he and Chaehyun-"
"Hanbin is not in love with Chaehyun."
"What are you talking about? He literally confessed in front of the whole student body."
"Riddle me this, Kim Jiwoong," the man in front of Matthew flinched at the use of his full name, "What did Hanbin do after confessing his undying love?"
"Well, he ran." Saying it out loud, Matthew could see the gears in Jiwoong's head stutter to life. "He seemed to be in a pretty big rush…"
"Hyung, who was he chasing after? Who did he call out for?"
Another moment passed.
"Hao. He was chasing Zhang Hao."
He can see Jiwoong putting the pieces together in real time, the older had always been such an open book. Jiwoong sits back, crisscrossing his legs so that their knees are touching. He rests his chin in his palm, mouth agape with realization. Matthew can’t help but laugh at his hyung’s expression. Truly priceless.
“But- no, how could I have not noticed?”
“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Matthew’s smile borders on bittersweet as he speaks, “You miss a lot when you’re being made to carry out cheesy rom-com scenarios. You can blame the author for that.”
Jiwoong looks like he needs another second to process, so Matthew just keeps talking.
“They’re so cute, hyung. The 7 of us were hanging out; us being me, Hanbin, Hao-hyung, Taerae, Gyuvin, and Ricky, and we were trying to make cream puffs, right?”
“Wait, Kim Gyuvin and Shen Ricky? They’re always so arrogant and cold, since when were you friends with the likes of them?!”
“They’re really not,” Matthew frowns at the other’s incredulous expression, “that’s just their archetype. Also, don’t interrupt me!” Once Jiwoong looked appropriately scolded, he continued.
“I gave them their own little station in the corner, but they spent more time feeding the cream to each other than putting it in the puffs! It’s disgustingly sweet and I hate them.” The warm smile on his face is a stark contrast to his words.
“And this author figure,” Jiwoong starts, “is preventing them from being together, why?”
“And that we don’t know,” Matthew sighs, bringing a hand up to support his face. “We’ve been trying to figure out if we were all transported here, or if the world has just always been a story. It might not even be personal.” He pouts.
“It’s all so messy.”
“Sure sounds like it,” Jiwoong groans, laying down on his back. He links his fingers, throwing his hands behind his head as he closes his eyes.
“Do you actually even believe me?” Matthew squints, scrutinizing the man before him. “You probably think I’m crazy, that I made everything up.”
“I believe you, at least about Hao and Hanbin. Still not sure about the whole ‘life is fake, we’re all in a book’ part, you’ll have to forgive me Mattchu-yah.” A teasing lilt invaded Jiwoong’s voice as he cracked an eye open, smiling wide.
"Those two have the chance to be happy. Happier than either would ever be with her."
Jiwoong pushes himself up at Matthew’s wistful tone. The younger has recentered his gaze, staring directly into Jiwoong’s eyes.
“That’s why I have to keep fighting. For their sake. For people like Gyuvin and Ricky, for everyone at Seuli High.” He pauses, smiles. “For you.”
“Always so sweet,” Jiwoong smiles, eyes crinkling with affection. “Hyung can take care of himself.”
“Not as long as you’re not self-aware,” Matthew hoists himself to his feet, padding over towards the back of the gazebo. He looks out over the lake. “You wanna be an actor when you’re older, right? Do you know what my dream is?”
“What?”
“My dream is to live. I wanna go to college and study dance with Hanbin, to hang out with Taerae and the others. I want to stay by your side, hyung, whether it be as a friend or something more. No meddling, no strings attached.”
In a large sweeping motion Matthew turns around, eyes burning with determination, all smiles. “That’s what I truly want, who I truly am. No author can take that away from me.”
He steps towards Jiwoong, extending a hand. As he helps Jiwoong up, an emotion that Matthew can’t quite place appears in the man’s eyes. The day is almost over, he can feel it in his bones. Jiwoong could be ripped away from him any second now, all this progress gone forever. He’s so close, Matthew can feel it. Just a little more, one final push…
He takes a risk. Jiwoong lets out a surprised yelp as he’s pulled closer, Matthew’s hands clamping down on his shoulders.
"There's a high chance you won't remember this. That when the page turns and we go back to whatever the author has planned for us, you'll still see me as just a dear friend and nothing more, but I'm choosing to have hope. Hope that somewhere deep inside, you too have the potential to break the stage."
Matthew propels himself forward and kisses Jiwoong as if the world was ending, as if this was the last and only chance he'd get to express his love. It’s a kiss full of all Matthew’s fears, regrets, and hopes for the future. His first friend, his first love, this man truly is his everything. He hopes Jiwoong can feel it. When they part, Jiwoong finds himself unable to speak, shocked into silence by the pure amount of adoration in the younger man's eyes.
"I'll wait however long it takes, hyung. You may never become self aware, but I'll always keep a spot in the Shade just for you." By this point, he's crying again, a single tear trailing down his smiling face, both hands cupping Jiwoong's face tenderly.
"I love you, Kim Jiwoong, forever and alwa-"
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