Chapter Text
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I am trying to hold on
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I’m not blind anymore
I’m wide awake
-Wide Awake by Katy Perry-
Marinette numbly stared down at the box in her hands. It had been three weeks since the battle against Miracle Queen. Three weeks since, Master Fu transferred the guardianship of the Miraculous over to her, erasing his memories in the process; and her life has been nothing but miserable ever since.
As she stared down at the box that was slowly leading her to her demise, all she could think was how she couldn’t hold this much responsibility. Her eyes, which should have been bright with the joyful naivety of youth, were dim and tired, making her look as if she had been alive for far longer than the fifteen years she’s been on this earth. Dark circles and bags lay beneath those sky-blue eyes, the true evidence of her lack of sleep. She had far too many responsibilities, and they were starting to make an impact on her health, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Marinette recalled the events of earlier today. How Alya, Alix, Juleka, Mylene, and Rose all got akumatised because of her, how in the end she gave them a shitty lie instead of the truth that she can never tell them, how even when Alya stayed behind to talk to her, she still didn’t say anything. Maybe in another universe, she told Alya that she was Ladybug, maybe she even told them all, or she told Chat Noir, as risky as that would be, but in this one, she was still all alone.
“Marinette?” Tikki called out, the kwami’s eyes full of concern for her holder, “You could have told Alya, it wouldn’t–”
“It would put her in danger, Tikki,” Marinette muttered. “I can’t tell anyone, not even Chat Noir. That would just put him in danger too. I’m alone in this, I’ve accepted that and so should you.”
Marinette racked her brain for anything she could do to make this whole situation easier for herself, but every idea she had wouldn’t work. Every idea ended with complete isolation from everyone, abandoning all her friends and eventually her family too, just to continue to fight Hawkmoth for possibly the rest of her life, and never seeing them again. The other options included quitting being Ladybug for good, but that wouldn’t work either. For one, she doesn’t want to give Tikki up, or Chat Noir for that matter, and two she would have to go out and find a replacement and that would take who knows how long, and there's no guarantee that this new Ladybug would even be able to keep up with Chat Noir or handle the Akumas. Every option she thought of was one she didn't enjoy the outcome of.
A plan, she thought. I just need one plan, that’ll ensure I can beat Hawkmoth sooner rather than later, and won’t have to give up my civilian life forever for.
“Marinette, you don’t have to give up your civilian life or give up being Ladybug. You can do both,” Tikki pleaded. “I believe in you, you can handle both.”
And just then, an idea popped into Marinette’s head. It was insane and would probably require a lot of planning and wouldn’t be able to be put into action until her parents would be out of the city for a catering event for a few days. She would have two weeks to prepare for the most insane idea that she’s ever thought of.
“I don’t quite like the look on Marinette’s face right now…” Ziggy whispered to the other Kwami’s, “She has this crazed look in her eyes.”
“I’m not crazy, Ziggy,” Marinette stood up from her chaise, her tired, baggy eyes wild as she gestured to herself, “I’m a genius. I don’t have to give up my civilian life permanently!”
“See, Marinette! I told you that you didn't have to give up your civilian life! You just need to—”
“Fake my own kidnapping! There are no flaws in that!” Marinette enthused. “I’ll just go missing for a few weeks and dedicate that time to hunting down Hawkmoth and my duties as Ladybug won’t be as taxing! It’s genius!”
The Kwami’s looked at each other, and then looked back at Marinette. She had her arms crossed with one hand on her chin, occasionally lifting it to gesture at nothing as she mumbled to herself, pacing back and forth across her room. Her hair was messy from running her fingers through it and her eyes, formerly droopy and tired from stress, were now wide and wild thinking through the details of her plan.
The group of god-like creatures huddled together and nudged Sass forward to say something to their Guardian that may break her away from her plan. “Ah, Marinette, while that idea isss… intriguing, we don’t believe that it’sss the wisessst plan. Where would you go while being Ladybug? What would you do to find Hawkmoth? And if you did happen to find him and recover the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculousss, how would you go about un -kidnapping yourssself?”
Marinette stopped pacing and for a moment the Kwami’s thought that Sass had gotten through to Marinette. Until she opened her mouth, that is.
“Well, I would find an abandoned building to stay in, of course. As for finding Hawkmoth, that’s a plan that would take longer than a few minutes to think of, and figuring out what would happen after I recover the Miraculous is something for future Marinette to figure out.”
“Marinette,” Orikko spoke. “What about your friends? You’re parents? You’ll be leaving them, and they won’t even know what actually happened to you. Doesn’t that make you sad?”
Marinette’s arms went limp, as if hugging herself, her eyes softening and dropping in sadness, eyebrows scrunching, as a frown formed on her face. She looked as if the life had been sucked out of her. “You think I won’t be sad? Of course I’ll be sad. I don’t—I don’t actually want to leave my life behind, but I don’t have a choice. I’ve never had a choice when it comes to the Miraculous. I have to do what’s best for the greater good, and if giving up my life is what it takes, then that’s what I’ll do. No amount of begging is going to convince me to do otherwise. I’m sorry.”
The Kwami’s looked down after hearing Marinette. It hadn’t occurred to them that Marinette had felt this way about the Miraculous, or that she didn’t actually want to leave her friends and family behind and be the Guardian and Ladybug for the time being. The thought of this brought some of the Kwami’s to tears.
“Oh, Marinette,” Mullo cried. “We’re sorry! We didn’t think about how you felt about this. Well, we knew of course because we were there, but we didn’t know that’s exactly how you felt!”
The other Kwamis shouted their agreement with what Mullo said, and flew over to hug Marinette.
Marinette closed her teary eyes and pet the Kwami’s as they nuzzled close to her, “I love each and every one of you.” she said, “Never think otherwise.”
“We love you too, Marinette!” Daizzi exclaimed.
“Everything will be okay, Marinette.” Wayzz declared, “All will go well.”
“Of course everything's gonna work out. I have all of you to help me.” Marinette replied. But even as the words left her mouth, she was still consumed by the everlasting blanket of loneliness that, in two weeks time, would be all she had.