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It was another bright and sunny morning over Los Angeles. The air was warm and the possibilities were endless for things going perfectly right, or going super wrong in the blink of an eye. It was just that kind of town after all, anything was possible from the innocently mundane to the extraordinary. As Eddie Diaz pulled into the parking lot of of Station 118 he was hoping for one of those mundane days but he knew better with this crazy town that he called home.
With a small chuckle Eddie pulled his truck into his usual spot, his smile widening when he spotted a familiar figure emerging from a gray jeep parked in the spot next to his.
" Mornin' Buck!" Eddie called as he climbed out of his truck and pulled his duffel bag out after him.
" Hey Eddie!" Evan "Buck" Buckley replied with his own face lighting up at the sight of his best friend.
Buck quickly rushed over to his best friend to greet the other man properly in the form of a full on bear hug. Eddie chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Buck in turn, even as he felt his whole body come alive like a live-wire at the feel of the taller man against him. Even as he himself chuckled, Buck let his eyes flutter shut for a moment as he felt Eddie's warmth surround him in turn. Catching himself, Buck forced himself to pull away before things got awkward.
It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other in forever, they literally enjoyed a movie night with Christopher just the day before.
" How was Chris this morning?" Buck asked as he adjusted the strap of his own duffel back on his shoulder.
" He's good man, excited about the assembly taking place at school today." Eddie said with a smile as he and Buck started walking towards the station house.
" Yeah, it's that assembly where some people from Hollywood are gonna show off some movie props and explain how moves get made right?" Buck asked.
" Yeah that's right." Eddie said with his smiling widening and the warmth in his heart increasing ten-fold at how attentive Buck always was to Christopher.
Eddie wasn't really all that surprised considering Buck nearly ended himself trying to keep Chris safe during a tsunami just the year before. Buck started to rattle off these random trivia facts about film production, the history of filming in Los Angeles, and how certain famous movie props actually worked and Eddie had to resist the urge to sigh in contentment.
" Don't ever change Evan Buckley." Eddie thought to himself as he and Buck finally entered the firehouse via the ambulance and truck bay.
As they passed between one of the gleaming red and white firetrucks and Hen and Chim's ambulance rig, they greeted some of their fellow firefighters who were either on the same shift as them or from the night shift who were finishing up and heading out. The firehouse was never not a bustling hub of people going in and out or doing something.
Still chatting among themselves, Buck and Eddie made their way into the locker room. They found their respective locker and started getting changed into their LAFD uniforms. Even with something as simple as changing into their uniforms, Eddie and Buck were hyper-aware of each other. Eddie did his best not to let his eyes linger on Buck's powerfully built back as the man's muscles rippled and shifted under his skin while he pulled on his dark blue uniform shirt. What Eddie didn't know what that Buck was doing the same thing, trying his best not to opening stare at Eddie's muscular thighs as his best friend pulled on his uniform pants.
Once they were dressed for the day and their personal belongings and civilian clothes were locked away, the pair headed upstairs to the loft that overlooked the vehicle bay, eager to see the rest of the crew and see what their Captain was cooking up for breakfast.
" Morning guys!" Buck grinned once he reached the top of the stairs and spotted Henrietta Wilson and Howard "Chimney" Han lounging on one of the plush sofas that littered the loft area.
" Morning Buck." Hen said with a smile that quickly turned into a full grin as Buck promptly all but bounced over to her and leaned over to give her a quick hug. When he drew away he shared a quick greeting with Chim before he spotted Captain Bobby Nash already in the kitchen area cooking up a storm. Buck wasted no time making his way over to the Captain and taking up the reigns as sous chef, earning a warm smile from the Captain before he directed Buck to chop and sautee some onion and garlic.
" Hey man." Eddie said more sedately as he shared a fist-bump with Chimney and promptly plopped down on one of the sofa chairs.
" Hey Eddie." Chim replied with a smile before he turned his phone to Eddie to show off the newest firefighter meme that was going around, something about how using the fire hose is the only time a hose comes before bros.
Eddie found himself laughing out loud while Hen rolled her eyes before joining in with a chuckle. About twenty minutes later Bobby and Buck were serving up plates of omelettes and corned-beef hash that could rival any five-star restaurant.
As he sat beside Eddie, surrounded by the rest of the team, Buck savored his breakfast but also savored that feeling of family he knew nowhere else but right here, right now with the other people sitting at this table. While it warmed him, he also felt that bitter pang of lingering regret.
The lawsuit, with all of the hurt it has caused.
He regretted it with all his heart, but at the time he had thought there was no other option. Chase Mackey had gotten into his head and had later gone straight for the jugular. Buck has even won if the 8 million dollars the Department was willing to give him to settle had been anything to go by. He hadn't wanted money, he just wanted to get back to the job he loved and the people he loved even more.
He had hurt his family and the man sitting beside him currently all but inhaling his corned-beef hash had seemed the most hurt by Buck not being there, if how angry Eddie had been at the grocery store had been anything to go on. Then of course there had been Halloween when Buck had finally come back to work and been promptly but on candy duty, and Eddie had been extra cold to him all day before they finally got to talk at the end of shift and patch things up. He'd also got the chance to patch things up with Bobby the next morning after he had saved the man stuck in that lady's windshield but landed in the hospital himself because of the blood thinners he had been on at the time had left him with a cut on his arm that wouldn't stop bleeding.
Sure they had all made up in the end and things were better than they had ever been, but the memories remained, the awful feelings still lingered when there was nothing to occupy his mind.
You're exhausting
We all have our own problems but you don't hear us whining about it
Some how we manage to suck it up, why can't you?
You're not ready
My house, my rules
You're man behind today
Hey Diaz I need a spotter over here.
You're exhausting, you're exhausting, you're exhausting.
" Hey Buck, you ok?" Eddie's voice sounded beside Buck, pulling him from his melancholic musings.
" Wha? Oh yeah, yeah Eddie I am alright, just spaced out for a second." Buck said before he sent Eddie a reassuring smile and then got busy devouring his own breakfast since there was no telling when the alarm bell would go off.
No sooner had Buck polished off his omelette the fire horn went off in all of its blaring glory, signalling the newest emergency that needed their services. Bobby let the charge down the stairs towards the truck bay, Buck hot on Eddie's heels. They got down to the ground level and rushed towards the alcove where everybody kept their turnout gear. The crew had just reached the alcove when Eddie suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, causing Buck to bump into him light.
" Eds? What's wrong?" Buck asked in concern as he saw the take aback look on Eddie's face.
Following his best friend's dark eyed gaze, Buck looked to the individual alcove where Eddie's gear was and felt his heart seize inside his chest while the rest of him grew frigid.
There over everything but the "D" on the "Diaz" name plate was a long strip of masking tape that spelled out the name Dalton.
Someone had taped over Eddie's name.
Before Buck could even turn to say anything to a now quietly thunderous looking Eddie, Bobby's stern voice sounded.
" Guys, get a move on it!" The Captain of the 118 called as he was already halfway done with his own gear.
That snapped both men out of their stupor as they scrambled to make up for precious time, seizing and yanking on their gear with practiced speed. Buck kept glancing at Eddie who was glaring, but focused on getting his gear on. Within minutes they were ready and running towards the firetrucks.
The call was too a car fire happening on one of the exit ramps at the highway, so they were in for a bit of a drive with the truck horn blaring.
" Anybody know who the hell is Dalton?" Eddie asked once he had his headset on.
" No clue, probably on the Night or Swing shift, why do you ask?" Hen replied with a curious look.
" I'd like to have words with him since he decided he could just tape over my name on my turnout locker." Eddie said flatly.
" Seriously? Not cool man." Chimney griped while Hen hummed in agreement.
If Buck was oddly silent, no one really noticed as they rushed through the street and turned onto the entrance ramp to get they onto the highway.
The fire had raged and roared but thankfully the driver had been able to scramble out in time, so the task was mostly putting out the flames as quickly as they could and then dragging the burnt out husk that was once a nice grey colored Sedan out of the way to get traffic flowing smoothly again... well as smoothly as it could get since it was Los Angeles after all.
On the drive back Eddie was antsy and itching to get to his turnout locker and see if the tape was still there. If it was, he was going to say something for sure.
" Can you believe the nerve of this Dalton dude? Just stick some tape over it and it's all buena." Eddie said with a snort.
" Yeah, it's a really crappy thing to do." Bobby acknowledged.
Buck barely kept himself from inhaling sharply, instead shoving down the cacophony of powerful emotions that were whirling about inside him. He kept his eyes resolutely glued to the scenery as it passed by and clenched his jaw so as not to say anything just yet.
About ten minutes later the firetruck was rolling back into the station and everyone was piling out, no worse for ware. Eddie was already sporting a slightly grumpy look but when they got to the gear alcove and he saw that yes indeed, the tape over his name was still right where it was left, obscuring Eddie's name, the army vet's face grew absolutely irate. Grumbling under his breath Eddie strode with purpose towards his gear alcove and reached out to yank the offending piece of tape off when there was suddenly a hand on his wrist, hard and unyielding like iron.
Eddie jerked in surprised and looked up to see Buck pivot and come to stand before him, still holding his wrist and blocking him from reaching the tape.
" Buck what are you..." Eddie began to ask in confusion, but he trailed off when he saw the unusually black expression Buck had on his face, his normally warm and expressive eyes more like two orbs of eyes as the bore into Eddie as he spoke.
" The tape stays on, you are not going to rip it off." He said with such casualness it was jarring as Bobby, Hen, and Chim all gathered around and looked at Buck with just as much confusion as Eddie was at the moment.
" What do you mean Buck, that's my locker and my name that's been taped over, of course I'm gonna rip it off." Eddie said as he tried to pull his hand free of Buck's grip.
" You will not Edmundo." Buck said more firm as he tightened his hold around Eddie's wrist to where it almost hurt. The air immediately shifted and became tense at the used of Eddie's full given name.
" Buck, buddy what are you doing?" Chim asked incredulously as he looked between Buck and Eddie.
Hen and Bobby shared a look of mutual confusion before Bobby stepped up and spoke.
" Buck what's gotten into you? Let go of Eddie's wrist. That tape shouldn't even be there, it's Eddie's locker. It's disrespectful." Bobby said while Eddie, Chim, and Hen all nodded.
Buck looked from Eddie, to Chim, then Hen, before finally settling on Bobby. He gazed at his captain blankly for what seemed like a life age before he finally blinked and spoke.
" So it was super respectful when Bosko did it to me and you all let her without any problems?" Buck asked with that same blankness.
In an instant it was like all of the air got sucked out of the room. Bobby's jaw actually dropped open and Hen let out this strange choked sound. Chim looked like a deer caught in the headlights while Eddie stood completely frozen. Eddie's tongue was like lead in his mouth, so many words forming in his mind but nothing coming through as he gawked at Buck.
Buck looked around at the paled and mortified faces of his family as he finally broke the silence.
" The whole way to the scene and then all the way back I had to sit there and listen to you complain to your heart's content about Dalton taping over your name, and the rest of you just agreed with him without fail. When I was working so damn hard to get back to you, I thought you all were on my side, that my place with you was still there but then I come here and I see some random chick's name covering mine the same way. Diaz you were just so eager to go and be her spotter." Buck said quietly, his voice never rising and his eyes staying the same glacial hue as he pinned Eddie. Then they shifted to Bobby as he continued.
" You treated it like it was no big deal, you just wanted to make Bosko feel right at home, just at my expense." Buck said quietly before he turned to Chim and Hen.
" And you two just couldn't walk away fast enough." He said simply, but it may as well have been like a spear into both of their hearts. Buck then refocused his gaze onto Bobby as the Captain spoke.
" K-Kid I-" Bobby began to try to say when Buck held up an unforgiving hand and silenced him instantly.
" We were good Cap, until this call and until I had to sit there and listen to all of you getting riled up on Diaz's behalf. It made me realize just now how easily you could all forget what happened, how little my feelings registered to all of you. You could get so fired up for Eddie and support him, but all I got was being brushed off and you lying to my face the entire time Cap." Buck said softly, but no less devastatingly as he watched all the color drain out of Bobby's face.
Buck then turned his attention back to Eddie, who's jaw was working uselessly in an effort to speak. Buck didn't give him much of a chance to gather his whits as he spoke.
" Here's what's going to happen Diaz. You are going to leave that tape exactly where it is. You will not touch it for the rest of the day, not until your shift is over. It is going to stay there and you are going to let it slap you in the face every time you walk past it or we get another call and you have to gear up. You are going to feel how much of a violation it is, you are going to feel what it is like when your best friend isn't on your side. You are going to understand just what it is that all of you made me feel." He said with finality before he finally let go of Eddie's wrist.
Eddie's hand fell to his side and hung there limply as Buck's quiet but eviscerating words washed over him and everyone else.
Finally Eddie felt his tongue loosen as he spoke.
" B-Buck please I-" Eddie tried to say when Buck succinctly cut him off.
" What Diaz? You gonna tell me there are a lot of 'I's in what I am saying, that I am making things all about me again? Well you are damn right I am making it about me, because this is how horrendous I am feeling right now and goddamn it my feelings actually matter. But oh my God, how dare someone tape over Edmundo Diaz's name, the nerve of someone named Dalton." Buck said still with that utterly cold inflection that was the furthest from who any of them knew Evan Buckley to be.
Buck stood to his full and towering height before he got right up into Eddie's face, looking down at his best friend with hard eyes as he spoke.
" I am frankly quite exhausted with you at this point so for the rest of this shift do not speak me unless we get a call, stop whining about this great injustice done to you, and suck it up Diaz. And that goes for the rest of you too." Buck said with finality as he spared the rest of the team a fleeting glance before he turned and walked away towards his gear locker where he began to finally take off his gear.
Eddie and the others just stood frozen where they were, everything overwhelmed and horrified. They couldn't move, they couldn't speak. Hen had her hand covering her mouth and Bobby looked like he was one breath away from bawling. Chim's own eyes were glistening and Eddie's face was ashen as they all watched Buck take off his gear.
Once Buck had divested himself of his turnout gear, he simply walked right past his team without a further glance or acknowledgment. They all watched him as he disappeared further into the station.
Bobby, Hen, Chim, and Eddie could only stand there in the deafening silence Buck had blanketed them in.
After what felt like an eternity Bobby finally forced his body to move, though he was listless and enervated. Hen and Chim where no better as they dragged themselves to their alcoves to change out of their turn out gear. However Eddie didn't join them. He just stood there in this sort of daze, Buck's quiet but no less catastrophic words crashing about inside his head. With a choked off sputter Eddie turned on his heel.
" Eddie wait!" Bobby called, but it was no used as he, Chim, and Hen watched Eddie take off in Buck's wake turnout gear and all.
Eddie trotted into the station with his eyes frantically looking about for his best friend. When he caught sight of some of the other firefighters at the station gazing curiously at the door to the bunk room.
" Why'd Buckley lock himself inside the bunk room?" One of the firefighters said in confusion as Eddie came near.
" Beats me, never seen the kid look so blank and quiet in all the time I've known him. Wonder what pissed him off so much." Another firefighter replied before all eyes went to a newly arrived Eddie.
" Looks like you won't have to wonder anymore. Come on guys, lets go." The first firefighter said as she waved a hand for everyone to disperse.
Eddie was forever grateful when the crowd that had gathered quickly scattered, leaving him alone to face the closed dark blue door of the bunk room. Eddie stepped forward, reaching out his hand and pressing his palm to the cool painted metal before he leaned in and pressed his ear to it, hoping to hear anything from within the room. At first there was nothing but the white noise of normality, then Eddie caught a sound than made something inside him die right then and there and which he hadn't pressed his ear to the door to begin with.
Sobs, quiet sobbing from the other side of the door so faint it took all of Eddie's concentration to catch it again.
Buck was crying... because of him, because of his thoughtless actions and words today, and those from that fateful day at the grocery store where the only thing that had mattered to him was hurling all the poison he had in him at Buck because he was angry and it felt good to just have the source of his hurt feelings and rage right there in front of him to attack.
Eddie was about to knock or try the door knob when there was a gentle but firm hand over his shoulder.
" Eddie." Came Bobby's quiet but firm voice.
Eddie sighed and drew away from the door, turning to see his sad and drawn Captain there with Hen and Chim flanking him.
" He isn't in the mood for any of us right now and he made it clear he wanted some space, so the best thing we can do is give it to him. Come on Eddie, go and get out of your gear." Bobby said, sounding so tired and awful himself.
Eddie looked like he wanted to protest before he just deflated fully and nodded to his captain. With a sigh and a lingering look at the bunk room door Eddie forced himself away and headed back to the gear alcove. When he dragged himself to his gear locker Eddie froze when his eyes fell on the piece of tape covering his name plate. With his eyes suddenly burning and Buck's cold orders crashing through his skull, Eddie did as he was told, leaving the tape where it was and letting it slap him across the face as he peeled off his turn out gear and neatly put everything away. Though he had shed his heavy gear, Eddie Diaz felt no lighter as he made his way out of the alcove and forced himself to walk past the bunk room door and join everyone upstairs in the loft area. In fact it felt like the whole world was slowly crushing him from above.
A pall fell over the station in one fell swoop, everyone understanding that something had happened between Buck and the rest of the main 118 team. Though many were curiouse, no one tried to breach the subject as the hours passed by with Buckley locked firmly in the bunk room, Diaz sitting in a corner moping, Wilson sniffling and wiping at her eyes constantly, Han reorganizing the cereal boxes and wiping at his own eyes, and Captain Nash holing up in his own office until lunch time came around.
When it was time for lunch Bobby dragged himself away from the paperwork he was half-heartedly trying to do to make the meal for everyone. He made penne pasta with vodka sauce and grilled cheese sandwiches and when he gave Eddie a tray with his plate and an extra plate piled high with pasta and a couple of sandwiches and handed him the key to the bunk room, everyone else wisely stayed mum and focused on their own lunch. Eddie headed downstairs with the tray but not even five minutes later he was coming back upstairs looking utterly crestfallen with the tray of food untouched.
It seemed the universe had taken Buck's side today as there somehow wasn't a single other call out for the rest of the shift, as if the emergencies were all happening elsewhere and not in the area covered by the 118. No call, no need to get geared up, no chance to try and speak to Buck. Buck did come out of the bunk room but one look was all it took for everyone besides the main team to understand that he was in no mood for small talk. His eyes, usually so sparkling and clear were irritated and red, and completely devoid of warmth. His face was drawn and pale, his signature birthmark standing out bright red against his skin like it was reflecting the anger still bubbling under the surface.
It pained Bobby to no end that Buck completely ignored any of the food that was left out, giving his team the widest berth and just waiting for the shift to be over, even washing the ambulance rig in an effort to avoid everyone without even being ordered to. It was torturous but no less than what the 118 collectively thought they deserved after everything Buck had revealed to them today. The hours passed until finally it was time to clock out. The moment the minute hand struck, Buck was already changing into his civilian clothes and striding out of the firehouse without even the barest glance at anyone. Eddie could only watch from a distance as Buck got in his jeep and drove away.
" How the hell are we even going to fix this guys?" Chim asked sadly.
" He was carrying all of this around ever since it happened, today was just the perfect trigger." Hen said with a sigh.
" This is all on me guys, he's right, I lied to him and held him back because I wasn't ready. I felt so guilty about everything that happened with Freddie Costas and the fire truck, and the embolism just locked it into my head that keeping him away from the job was the best thing. Like he said, we were good but today with that single piece of tape it all came rushing back for him. I never should have let Bosko tape over his name, we had plenty of empty lockers." Bobby croaked out with plain guilt.
" No Cap, I did this." Eddie said as he pulled on the Henley shirt he had worn into work and shook his head.
" Those were my words that he threw back in my face. I was hurting and I wanted to make him hurt just as much and I succeeded. I thought we patched things up but it is clear to me that my actions cut him deeper than he let on. I was the stupid one." Eddie said with self-flagellation.
There was a long beat of silence before Hen spoke.
" Are you going to go to his place Eddie?" She asked quietly.
" Yeah." Eddie said after a moment of hesitation.
" It's after shift and all bets are off. I have to try and make things right." He added with a nod.
" Let me fill up some tupper ware, he didn't eat since breakfast." Bobby said with a sad look.
Eddie just nodded mutely before Bobby headed back upstairs to fill said containers with as much food as he could. Eddie himself strode out of the locker room and made his way to the gear alcove. It was as he reached his locker that he stopped as he saw this tall and slender young woman in a uniform already pulling the tape off his name. When she turned Eddie saw that her name tag read "Dalton". Before Eddie could say anything Dalton saw him and gave him a warm smile as she walked over.
" Hi there, you must be Diaz I am Nicholette Dalton." Dalton greeted as she held out her hand.
" H-Hi, and yeah I am Eddie Diaz." Eddie said as he took the offered hand and tried not to let any anger show considering the circumstances.
" So sorry about the tape, I am on the Swing Shift and the alcove I usually use got taken over by one of the temps so Captain Jenkins just said to tape over the first "D" name I could find. Was a bit surprised to find the tape still there, hope I didn't ruffle any feathers there." Dalton said as she twirled and folded the piece of tape that had literally precipitated the bomb going off that was today's shift.
" Oh no, no worries, you ripped it off and that is the end of it." Eddie assured, all the while wanting to scream as loud as he could.
" Cool! Have a great night!" Dalton said with a smile before she went on her way, pausing to throw away the piece of tape into a nearby trash can.
Eddie watched her go, contemplating the strange way things work out sometime for a moment before he hurried back to the locker room to get his bag and pack it with the many containers Bobby had prepared. With a sober nod to everyone, Eddie headed out of the station and got in his truck, trying to form a plan for what to do in his head.
A hour later...
Buck sniffled lightly as he looked through his phone at the menu options for take out. After he had come home and promptly enjoyed a nice long shower where some salt might have mixed with the water going down the drain, he just lounged about watching some mindless show on TV. He was starving a this point but didn't have the energy to cook himself anything so he was just going to order some take out and stay in, decidedly not thinking about how he was going to go into work and face his family tomorrow.
Part of Buck couldn't quiet believe what he had done today, how he had reacted to the situation, and all that had come out of him, while this greater part of him actually felt truly liberated. He never thought he would end up saying Eddie's words back to him but that was what happened. Buck felt his heart give an almighty lurch at the thought of his best friend...who he was madly in love with.
After today Buck really doubted he and Edmundo Diaz would stay friends for any longer.
Buck was pulled out of his miserable thoughts by a knock at the door. With a sigh and thinking that it was Maddie come to check on him after Chim probably told her about the day that went down, Buck rose to his feet and made his way to his front door. When he pulled the door open Buck felt his heart grind to a halt inside his chest at who it was on the other side of it.
" E-Eddie?" Buck asked as he blinked owlishly at his best friend looking pensive and unsure. He was still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing in to work, so Buck could surmise that he came straight to his place from there.
" H-Hey Buck umm... I know that I am probably the last person you want to see right now but can I please come in?" Eddie asked quietly, trying to keep how desperate he was feeling out of his voice.
Buck was silent for a long moment, at war with himself before he stomach let out an almighty growl, making the decision for him. Buck wordlessly stepped aside, granting Eddie entrance. Eddie stepped over the threshold into Buck's apartment with a wave a relief washing over him. It didn't last though because he had no clue how to proceed since he didn't think he's even make it this far. He turned to face Buck, but he was crestfallen when he saw that Buck was averting his eyes to the ground and not looking at him.
" Buck I... I came to apologize." Eddie said quietly.
" I figured, but you're just sorry because I brought it up. You were just as happy forgetting about everything but I don't have that luxury Edmundo." Buck said still without looking at Eddie.
" Stop it Buck, stop calling me that." Eddie said with a slightly hitched breath as he took a step forward only for Buck to back away and finally look up at his with a glare.
" It's your name, and you made such a big deal about your name today Diaz." Buck countered without fail.
The air grew stifling and cloying with all the hurt and anger they had piled onto each other, their words and actions tormenting them relentlessly.
Not being able to stand it for one second longer, Eddie did the first thing that came to mind, just anything to get close to Buck and tell him he was sorry with every ounce of his being. Buck had enough time to see Eddie rush towards him as he closed the distance between them before he was seized in the tightest hug he's ever received in all his life. It felt like his ribs were literally being bent the other way, but Buck was took busy listening to Eddie's desperate voice in his ear.
" I am so sorry Evan, I am so sorry I said those awful things to you. You are not exhausting and you don't whine. Your feelings matter, they should always matter and I am the worse friend on the planet for how I treated you. I am so sorry Evan, please forgive me, please!" Eddie kept saying as the tears he had been holding back all day just came flooding out of him.
Buck could only stand there in shock and then horror as Eddie began to sob without shame. Trembling and with his own eyes welling Buck raised his arms and finally hugged Eddie back.
Out of everything he was expecting, Eddie Diaz showing up mere hours after everything that happened and begging him for forgiveness while sobbing his heart out was the very furthest thing. It only got even more unexpected when Eddie suddenly drew back and took Buck's face into his hands, a pained look on his face as he pulled Buck's head down closer and pressed their foreheads together.
It was so charged, so intimate, something that in that moment Buck and Eddie both understood went beyond even the deepest friendship.
" E-Eds wha-" Buck began to whisper when Eddie shook his head and cut Buck off.
" It hurt so much when I couldn't speak to you, more than when I was deployed, more than when Shannon left. You've been there, you've always been there and then suddenly you weren't and I couldn't deal and then that smarmy lawyer just made it worse but that doesn't excuse what I did, what I said." Eddie croaked out.
" No Eddie come on, I over reacted it was just a piece of tape." Buck tried to say, feeling like a total heel at seeing Eddie's tears.
" No Buck, like you said your feelings matter and we never should have made you think that they didn't, I should have never made you feel like they didn't. Cap, Hen, and Chim all want to tell you how sorry they are, the way you reacted today made them see how much you were hurt then, and how much you're still hurting right now. You were spot on when you called what happened today with Dalton covering my name up feeling like a violation, and it was a violation we let happen to you with Bosko. I mean sure, she's a great firefighter but we ended up crashing and burning as friends because I didn't even bother to get to know her. You are my best friend and you're always there for me and Chris but it is supposed to be a two way street but I let you down, I let someone disrespect you and your place with the 118. It took someone doing the same thing to me to get me to understand what a big deal it was." Eddie said with a hitched breath.
" Eddie." Buck whispered before with his own tears spilling free from his eyes he pulled Eddie to him in a bone-crushing hug of his own.
They clung to each other without shame, all of the emotions of the day just rising up all at once. It was Eddie who spoke again.
" Y-You're not exhausting, I will never forgive myself for ever saying that to you, you're not exhausting, you coming into my life is one of the best things that ever happened to me." Eddie said with full honesty, all reservations flying out the window as Buck let out a quiet sob of his own.
Then Buck was letting out a soft gasp as the unmistakable feeling of lips against the side of his neck registered. He pulled back from Eddie to look him in the eye, the older man sporting a stunned expression of his own, like he couldn't believe what he had just done. Buck unwrapped one of his arms from around Eddie and reached for his neck, his fingertips brushing over the spot where Eddie had kissed his skin.
Buck looked back at Eddie and just gawked at him in disbelief, Eddie looking to be on the verge of complete panic. Then Eddie was blinking owlishly in confusion as Buck's face broke out into one of the most brilliant grins he had ever seen on the man before Buck was yanking him forward and wrapping his arms around him again. The next thing Eddie knew there were soft and warm lips covering his own in a deep, soul searing kiss that actually stole the breath from his lungs and left his knees wobbly and weak.
Eddie was stunned for a moment before his eyes were fluttering shut and he was responding in kind, his hands fisted tightly into the dark blue t-shirt Buck was wearing as he finally got to taste what before he had only dreamed of. When the need for air became to much to ignore they broke apart with a pair of sharp gasps. They stayed close, looking right at each other and feeling the puffs of air they exhaled against each other's lips. It was Buck who succinctly put into words the situation.
" Holy crap."
About ten minutes later...
Eddie gently pushed down on the brakes of his truck as he came upon a red light. He tapped at the steering wheel with his thumb before he turned his gaze to the side and felt a smile come to his face because he had a passenger he was very pleased to have accompanying him home. From where he sat riding shotgun Buck gave Eddie a slightly shy smile in return, the faintest flush to his cheeks. In the back beside Eddie's work duffel filled with the food Bobby has given for Buck was Buck's own work duffel with over night clothes and a fresh set of work clothes for tomorrow.
After that unexpected but mutually welcomed kiss, Eddie had been really keen to take Buck home with him to Chris and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Buck of course needed no persuading as he had quickly changed and packed up his bag. Now they were heading to Eddie's house and the special someone they both loved so dearly.
When they reached the Diaz residence Christopher was beyond thrilled to see Buck, while Carla said her goodbyes for the evening but gave them a questioning look when she notices the lingering signs of the tears that had been shed. Eddie assured her that everything was alright and that he would explain some things later. Once Carla had taken her leave, Eddie simply reveled in the sight of Buck helping Chris with his homework and his boy grinning in that dazzling way of his. Once homework was out of the way Buck took over properly reheating all of the food Bobby has packed, effectively chasing Eddie out of the kitchen, much to Eddie's secret relief as he went into the living room to play legos with his little superman.
Once dinner was ready, Eddie, Buck, and Chris sat down to enjoy Bobby's cooking and listen with rapt attention to Chris as he recounted the happens of his day at the assembly about how movies are made. Buck of course started rattling off facts and Eddie felt his heart grow full. He didn't delude himself into thinking everything was suddenly right as rain, because today made it clear that there was still a great deal of healing they all had left to do.
It started with him and Buck putting Chris to bed together and then sitting in the living room where they talked for hours after, revealing how they had stolen each other's heart though just being there for each other, like when Buck gave Bobby a heads up about Chris coming to the station or when Eddie told Buck that there was no one in the world he trusted more with his some after the tsunami. It continued with more apologies and tight hugs shared and went further when instead of taking the guest room later that night, Buck wound up sharing Eddie's bed, the two of them sharing intimacy and talking some more before drifting off to a truly peaceful sleep.
The healing continued the next morning when Eddie brought Buck to work and he was double-teamed by a penitent Hen and Chim, who each held onto him tight and apologized from their hearts for not being there like he had needed them to be. They also each came to him individually to talk and reconcile privately. Healing kept going forward when Bobby asked Buck to come into his office before lunch that day where they were able to hash things out like adults and make promises to be better, to trust each other more. If tears were shed and they had clung to each other tightly, it was behind closed doors, a father and his son. Healing kept going still with Buck getting back into therapy himself and Eddie finding healthier outlets for his own emotions, like boxing and clay sculpting.
Healing happened with a long overdue welcome back party for Buck without any more embolisms and more get togethers as a family, and finding out Chim and Maddie were expecting, and that Albert wanted to become a firefighter like his big brother. Buck and Eddie healed when they planned their first official date and wound up scrapping the whole thing and instead just grabbing tacos from their favorite place and watching the sunset from the roof of Buck's building and just progressing from there.
There were plenty of ups and downs to get past, and plenty more to come but the main thing was that Buck and Eddie were together and they were finally okay.
The End