Chapter Text
“Hold on Casey, we’re coming for you.”
Was that Boden’s voice? He wasn’t sure. It had something comforting though. So, he guessed it was Boden. Boden was always able to transport hope with his voice. Meaning maybe there was still hope. He wasn’t so sure about that either.
And he wasn’t so sure if he cared at all. Not getting out of here would at least be an easy way out. A way out of the misery his life had turned into.
He didn’t even know how it happened. He’d been so sure, when they’d gotten back together. Sure that he wanted her. And then there had been the baby of course. He’d been so excited. At the chance for the family he’d always wanted. He wanted that family with her. It felt right, and good.
Then they lost the baby. And somehow, everything went south from there.
He thought they just needed time. Time to grief, time for the pain to numb, time for the wound to scar over. They would be okay, eventually.
But they weren’t okay, and now she’d pushed him into something he didn’t want. He said he didn’t want it loud and clear. Or so he thought.
She just wouldn’t listen, jumping at the opportunity as if he hadn’t said anything at all. She wanted it, and she wouldn't stop poking on him until he thought he wanted it too. But he was only two days in, the process not even really started, and he was already fed up. Fed up with the boring people and the polite, meaningless small talk and the demands made before he was even on the ballot. Fed up with the early signs of corruption and the tiring endless events. It wasn’t who he was. He tried telling her that. But she just turned his words around.
If I were a real friend, I’d talk you out of this, Severide had said. Then why don’t you, he’d wanted to yell. Instead, there had just been a stupid grin on his face. And the thought, does that mean you’re not my real friend started gnawing away at him. It had always been there anyway. He wanted him to talk him out of it. He needed him to. He wasn’t strong enough to stand up against her. Not on his own. She was holding his strings, pulling at them, and he was dancing. And he was tired of it.
Tired. That was the word describing his whole existence. Or better yet, weary. That sounded somehow meaningful at least.
He drew in a breath, but the air was dusty and burned in his lungs. His chest hurt with every breath anyway, and he thought it would be easier to stop breathing at all. That would end the pain. The pain from his chest and lungs. The pain from the bruising on his arms and back. The pain from his burning eyes, and eventually, the pain from his soul.
Hold on, Casey. We’re coming for you. A distant echo of those words in his ear. His hand grabbed for the radio on instinct. He wanted to hear those words again. Wanted to feel that silver lining of hope that somewhere, there was something worth coming back for. Something – or someone – that promised more than constant pain.
Casey was unconscious by the time they finally reached him, and he didn't wake up while they brought him out of the collapsed building. Brett and Borelli started working on him in concentrated silence while all the firefighters around didn’t dare take a breath. Brett brought a tube down his throat, and when they loaded him in, Dawson climbed up behind without even checking in with Boden first as if it were a matter of course. Somehow, it caused a hot flare of anger in Severide, and because there wasn’t anything else he could do, he chased that annoying reporter away who had been nosing around throughout the call. Because of that stupid alderman campaign. Damn, he should have talked Casey out of it. This wasn’t him.
Well, of course not, he thought grimly while he picked up his helmet. It was her. Everything seemed to be her lately.
He tried to remember when the last time was he and Casey really talked, and he came up empty. He had been a shit friend, barely even realising how she clawed into him deeper and deeper.
And now, Casey was on his way to the hospital in serious condition and all he did was questioning himself why the hell he didn’t talk him out of it. Intimidated her enough to leave Casey the fuck alone. It wasn’t as if he hadn't seen the hurt in Casey’s eyes when he jokingly said, if I were a real friend. And maybe something like a pleading too. But maybe that was just his imagination, wishful thinking, because he wanted him to ask his opinion. To not just go with what Dawson said. If she was so keen on the office, why didn’t she run herself?
He had wanted to give Casey space, after the baby. It had been hard on both of them. And he, of course, had been dealing with his own issues. The whole Riddle thing. Losing his bugles. Patterson, and Maddox, Duff, and all the dirt that had been thrown at Boden. They had all needed a breather.
Now, he wished he had been more attentive. Let’s be honest, Severide, the voice in his head whispered, you were relieved when she first dumped him. And yes, he had been. Sure, Casey had been heartbroken at first. But he’d gotten over it, and he had been better. More like himself again.
Brittany had already told him she wasn’t so sure if Dawson and Casey had a healthy relationship.
He was sure they didn’t by now.
After all, he knew Casey better than anyone. And he didn’t like what he was seeing lately. That wasn’t him.
Everybody was relieved when Halstead finally appeared and told them Casey would be alright. He had a few broken ribs and there was some trauma to his lungs, but he was breathing on his own and was expected to make a full recovery. Dawson barely asked if she could see him, she just started walking towards the ICU assuming so. Severide strolled behind, some instinct not wanting his friend to be alone with her right now.
Casey was incredibly pale. He was laid in a slightly upright position to help him breathing, and there was an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. An IV was running into his arm, and the heart monitor was attached to his chest. He looked exhausted, and his breathing sounded laboured.
“Hey baby.” Dawson sat down on the bed beside him, taking his hand. “You gave me quite the scare there.”
Really? That’s your first words? Making him feel guilty because he scared you?
Severide turned towards Halstead, not wanting to listen to her talking. Sweet talking. To him, it sounded like poison.
“Is he really going to be okay?”
The doctor nodded. “He’ll be fine, Kelly. He’s inhaled a lot of dust; his breathing should get better soon. – But since you’re here… Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Severide was slightly surprised, especially as Halstead steered him away from the room a few steps and lowered his voice. “Has Casey had a lot of rough calls lately? Or did he get into a fight or something?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary, and not that I would know of… Why?”
“I’ve noticed some pretty nasty bruising on him. And yes, I know he was buried under some heavy concrete. Those bruises are older though, they are not from today. In fact, they are in varying stages, meaning he most likely got them from different occasions.”
Severide’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of bruises?”
“Let’s just say, the kind which rise some red flags.”
“Are you implying…”
“I think somebody’s been hitting Casey, yes. If he were a woman, I’m pretty sure everyone in the ER would have called on an abusive partner. But the other way around…” He shrugged.
Severide nodded slowly. He felt as if he had been punched himself. “Thank you, Will. I’ll talk to him.”
That white hot flare of anger he’d felt before was back. Returning to Casey’s room, he heard Dawson say, “Thank God you won’t be out for too long; that would have thrown a serious dent in your campaign. I actually think this little… stunt may get you some sympathy points.”
Severide didn't trust his ears. Casey almost died, and she was talking like that? Time for her to leave.
“Don’t want to talk ‘bout the campaign”, he mumbled. He was so tired; he could barely stay awake as it was. His head hurt, and his chest, every breath still feeling like a stab regardless of the pain killers he was on.
“I know, baby, but we need to talk about it, as time is already running thin, and you need to…”
“He needs nothing but to rest.” The voice was gruff, not leaving any room for argument. Well not to the ordinary people. Dawson just shot a glare back. “I don’t think that’s any of your business, Severide.”
He didn’t back down though. If it came to stubborn, Severide was nothing inferior to Dawson. “It is if you don’t back off now. Casey said he didn’t want to talk about it, so you leave him alone.”
“How about you let Matt decide what he does and doesn’t want.”
“I think he just did. Telling you he doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it’s time for you to go.”
“How dare you walk in here and talk like that” she hissed, and Casey pressed his eyes shut at her tone, shying away on instinct. “I suggest you leave.”
“Just choosing a tone you understand. Since a simple statement doesn’t seem to do the trick. – I’m asking you again, leave him alone.”
“Fuck off, Severide. You’re not calling the shots here; you don’t own him.”
“Yeah. I know that. But I’m doubting more and more that you do.” Severide stepped into the room now, arms crossed, and glared down at Dawson. If a glance could kill, she would drop dead now.
Casey just turned his head away. He didn’t want to hear their argument. He was tired, so tired. He wanted to close his eyes and never wake up again. The sound of his ragged breathing rattled in his ears, and he grabbed for his burning chest, tears leaking out from under his lids while the voices over his head grew louder. Leave me alone. Please leave me alone.
“What’s all that noise?!” Another voice to the mix. “I told you Casey needs to rest. Everyone out now!”
Shuffling. Someone bent over him, Gabby, kissing his cheek. “I’ll be back.” He felt like he was suffocating. Cracking his eyes open a split, he saw Severide, something on his face making him want… “Stay please.” But his voice didn’t follow his thoughts, and then it was just Halstead left, checking on his lungs, telling him to take slow deep breaths.
“Sev”, he croaked. “I want Sev.”
After a moment’s consideration, Halstead nodded. “Alright. I’ll bring him back. Anyone else you want to see?”
He shook his head. “Just Sev.”
Casey had fallen asleep by the time Halstead brought him back, and Severide was glad about it. He settled in the chair beside his bed, waiting while he watched his chest rise and fall. His breathing sounded less stressed already.
He wondered if Gabby would still be sitting in the waiting room. Probably not. She sure had more important things to do than being at Matt’s side. Not that he would hold her back. Matt was better off without her hovering over him.
For a moment, Severide contemplated if he was being selfish, just wanting Casey for himself. But no. He would be the last to begrudge his friend a happy relationship. But hell, this wasn’t happy. Casey wasn’t happy. And if what Halstead implied was true… Severide swallowed hard. Then he really had been a shitty friend. He knew Matt’s fifty shades of fine. He should have noticed.
It took almost three hours before Casey stirred, and Severide had fallen into a light slumber himself. He was awake in an instant though when he felt Casey’s eyes on him, casting a smile at his friend. “Hey. How are you feeling?”
“Like a house collapsed on me.” Casey’s voice was raw and dull behind the mask.
“Yeah, well, that’s pretty much what happened.” They shared a short grin, then Severide dropped his gaze, kneading his fingers. “Listen, Case… I don’t want to overstep, and if you’re fed up with hearing about it, just say so and I’ll shut up. But I really think you should reconsider this whole alderman thing. And I’m not saying this because I think you’re not capable of doing it, I’m saying this because you’re too good of a person to be thrown into those dirty waters… You’re not a politician. It wouldn’t do you good.”
“I don’t want to do it.”
Casey’s words actually surprised Severide, and he looked up. “You don’t? Then why are you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because everyone kept telling me I should, and no-one said I shouldn’t.” He cast his eyes down. “I said I didn’t want to, right? But everyone said I should.”
Out of an impulse, Severide took his hand. “I’m sorry. I should have backed you up. But I honestly didn’t think you’d go through with it… I mean, the guys were just busting you a bit. They would have let go eventually.”
“Yeah. But she wouldn’t.”
“Gabby?”
Casey just nodded, and Severide had a hard time keeping his calm. “This isn’t about her, or what she wants, Matt. This is about you. And if you don’t want to do it, then don’t.”
He turned his head away, and Severide thought he saw tears pricking at his eyes. “Don’t know if I can get out if it now.”
“Course you can. There’s no obligation as of now… Besides, you got buried under a house today, best excuse to not run a campaign with only a few weeks time left. You need to focus in your health.”
“‘s not what I meant.” Matt hadn’t let go off his hand, and Kelly felt his fingers close around his now, in a somehow desperate grip. And he understood all too well.
“You think she’s not letting you out of it.” His jaw clenched. There was the anger again.
Matt nodded, and there actually rolled a tear down his face. Kelly had to restrain himself from wiping it away.
“Matt… She doesn’t own you. This is your life, your decision. It doesn’t matter what she wants.”
“I know… and I tried. But I can’t do this anymore. It’s only getting worse.”
“What do you mean? What is getting worse?” He had a pretty good idea, and it made him shiver. When Matt didn’t say anything, he carefully asked, “Is she pressuring you? Does she – hurt you?”
The strangled sob Matt let out was all the answer he needed. Without hesitation Kelly got up and sat down beside him on the bed, carefully pulling him into his arms, holding him close against his chest. “I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice… But I’m here now, okay? You just need to say the word, and she won’t ever come near you again, I promise.”
Those kind of things were more complicated than that, he was well aware of that. But he’ll be damned if he didn’t try everything to help Matt get away from Dawson.