Chapter Text
A month before their 15th birthday, Mabel and Dipper make a frantic call to their parents. There’s no way they could be serious, right?! It had to be a joke! No way were they moving here.
“This is Emelia Pines, may I ask who’s calling?”
“Mom. What – ” “Hi Mama!!”
“Oh my babies hi hi hi hellooo!” she cooed, stifling a laugh. “How has your week been? Did you get our letter?”
“YES!” Mabel shouted “Is it true?! Are we actually really real moving?!?! We’ve been going super duper bonkers crazy all morning!!!”
“Sure as the sky’s blue!” their father’s voice chirped. “We noticed how excited you both were packing this summer, I’ve been thinking of moving jobs for a while now…everything just sort of fell into place!"
“WOO!!”
“And,” their mother cut in, “I know your Grunkle…s, are pretty independent right now, but they are getting older. I think it’ll be nice for all of us to have family nearby, in case something...well, we'll discuss that later. We haven’t had a big family dinner in gosh, how long? And nobody’s been able to make Thanksgiving in forever…”
“Wait, so what’s Dad’s new job?” Dipper asked. “There’s not much tech up here besides the arcade. Wait, is he changing careers? Why didn't you say anything in your letter? Is he getting fired? Did they find that thing Mabel put in his minifridge?!"
Mabel rolled her eyes, "I cleaned it up!"
“Nope! Freelance programming gig! And they’re offering competitive pay!” their father said proudly, “though I haven’t technically accepted it yet. I wanted to ask you all – “
“TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!!” all three of them shrieked, Mabel and Dipper from their end bouncing in place.
“Okay okay yeesh! So I take it you kids are, diggity down for this? That’s the cool-cat lingo, right?”
“Daaaaaaaaad!”
They chatted a few more minutes, excited chittering about moving and whatnot. Mabel had a story she needed to tell about Waddles and a fence post, and a hundred other incidental things. Their Mom asked about packing, Dad had questions about organizing their things, all the important stuff. As the conversation winded to an end Dipper paused, beckoning Mabel to hand him the phone.
“Hey, Ma?” he winced as his voice cracked like a broken slide whistle. Didn’t help that Mabel was giggling from beside him. Ugh. His mom didn’t comment, though he could hear the smile in her answering 'Mhm?'
“You know it’s……so uh, you remember our first summer, right? What we told you? The uh…’tall tale’?”
Silence on the other side of the line. Dipper swallowed nervously, locking eyes with Mabel as she shook her head and made a cut-it-out motion. He pressed on.
“This town is…weird. You know that, right?"
"Yes...? Dipper, honey, I know you tend to worry- "
"Nonononono I mean yes I do but it's, weirder than you think. Gnomes, ghosts, zombies, they're all real. Like actually, physically, provably real. I'm being serious here, swear on the periodic table. Everything we told you about and then, um, walked back? As a joke? It's real."
"..."
"So just…be, prepared for some weird things, and don’t…freak out, or anything. Most of it’s safe! But there are things to be aware of so you don't end up getting hurt, like...paranormal stinging nettles. Okay?”
Their father made a soft noise, while their mother seemed to hum contemplatively. Neither of them spoke for a long fifteen seconds (he counted), until finally Mabel broke the silence.
“He’s right. It’s crazy haunted up here! But super not dangerous. Like, fun haunted! Also I checked, the crime rate is a looooot lower than Piedmont, so technically its safer!”
They sat eerily still as they stared at the phone.
“Well,” their dad said slowly, “I suppose we could…keep the cat inside? Unless the, uh, ghosts can get in the house?”
Two pairs of brown eyes blinked. Their parents were being an easier sell than normal.
“Uh, sure? And there’s still, like, raccoons and stuff.” Dipper said. "Stink's not that good against wildlife."
“Ohhh the boys can finally meet!” Mabel squealed, smacking Waddles on his side. “You ready to be Stinky’s noble steed, bubba?”
“Hon, I don’t know if we’ll be able to keep a pig in the house, he’s gotten…big…”
Waddles snorted, trotting off elsewhere in the Shack. Mabel frowned but nodded, tapping her chin. “Mmokay, ‘s long as Grunkle Stan keeps him nearby I can visit him anytime I want. I’ll just have to walk him every day! Boom, weekly exercise. Oh! Could we bring him back to the house to help pack up? You know he's a good garbage disposal!"
“Oh! Works for me. Don?”
Their dad answered from far-off, probably the source of that background rustling. “Huh? Oh sure, sure sounds good!”
Dad had definitely not heard or understood the question. Dipper smacked his forehead, biting back a burst of nervous giggles. Their parents might not know what they were signing up for, but at least they’d been warned and, more importantly, they were still the same silly parents that raised them. They’d be fine! It'd all be fine.
They were fine.
***
Eager feet crunched through old leftover mulch, giggles filling the air as Mabel chased her pig. He’d gotten absolutely massive, she almost couldn’t believe the pictures of her baby bubby being so widdle! Waddles would of course always be her baby at heart, but hoohoo boy with how much he weighed he could probably be a taxpayer!
“C’mere bubs! Come to mama!” she called, stopping near a mushy stump. She flopped onto it, laughing breathlessly at Waddles’ answering squeal.
Some hundreds-odd pounds of hog came rushing at her, headbutting the stump before scampering around it and Mabel in tight circles. Silly boy! She gave him a quick scritch as he passed in front of her, snorting at his antics. Juice dripped from his mouth, and when she focused the scent of fruit wafted to her nose, at odds with the normally muddy-musky-fleshy of ambient pig.
“Aw, didja find a snack bud?” she cupped his face and he snorted happily, giving her a lick. “Ptah pah, ptooey, aww thank you for the kisses!”
Definitely some kind of fruit, maybe apples? Did apples even grow in Oregon? Something to ask Dipper when she got back. As Mabel turned to head towards town, a flash of white caught her eye. Fuzzy and stocky, the animal ‘baaaah’ed at her agitatedly.
“Sheep?” she asked it, cocking her head to the side. Surely sheep weren’t native to Gravity Falls, right? Didn't sheep come from Scotland or something? Mabel held out her hand for it to sniff, but it just watched her with blank, impassive eyes.
“Cosmo!”
She jumped, whipping around to find the source of the shout.
The sheep looked up, chewing loudly and unbothered by the fruit dribbling from its chin. A girl, about her age but taller, stalked over to the ambivalent ruminant and began tugging it by the scruff. Attempting to, anyhow. Cosmo the sheep cared nothing for this whole movement business, it seemed, content to be chided by the girl with dark skin and kinky green hair.
“Hey, hi, hello, Mabel here,” she tapped the girl on the shoulder, then pointed to the sheep. “Cosmo, right? Nice ta meet'cha! Woah, soft…”
“Yeah. ‘m Fauna.” the girl grunted. She went back to body-slamming her sheep, not budging an inch.
“Want some help?”
“No.” Fauna said gruffly.
Mabel frowned, and sat back down on the tree stump. The girl didn’t want help, that was fine, but by gosh she was gonna wait to see what happened to that massive sheep! Cosmo let out a groan, finally stepping backwards…right onto Fauna’s foot. The girl swore, bouncing up and down on one foot as she held the other – hoof?!
“Oh you’re a centaur! That makes so much sense!” Mabel gasped, “I thought you just had really fuzzy pants!”
"Satyr." Fauna scowled at her, finally looking up. “They are fuzzy pants. We don’t come in purple, weirdo.”
“Ah. But, your hair's green?” she stared, watching Fauna cuff her pants to showcase her shaggy brown leg fur. “Ooh, can I – “
“If you ask to pet me I'll bite your hand off.”
Mabel decided against asking to pet her leg. Instead, she asked “Sooo you sure you don’t need help? I’m super good with animals. Like, almost criminal good. This is my pet pig! His name's Waddles."
“That doesn’t even make sense.” Fauna wrinkled her nose. “But, fine. Try to move this tub of lard, pig girl.”
“Neat!” she bounced over, holding out her hand to Cosmo. “Hi! I’m Mabel. You’re really cute, aren’t’cha?”
A sticky wet muzzle snuffled at her hand, appraising. Seeming to pass the vibes check, she found a gnarly tongue slobbering at her hand to clean off the mystery juices from Waddles' snack. She moved back, and Cosmo followed with a huff. Success!
“Huh. How’d you do that?” Fauna asked.
“Trade secret!” Mabel grinned. Cosmo continued licking, and it occurred to Mabel that she didn’t know where she was supposed to be leading this sweet slorpy animal. “Where to?”
Hesitating, Fauna uncrossed her arms and started walking down a forest path. “This way.”
Deeper into the forest, much deeper than she’d ever been before (or maybe in a different direction than she’d ever been?), and the path began widening out into almost a proper road. Still dirt, yes, but with neat little stones lining the edges. Someone clearly took care of the area, though the only tracks around were hoof-shaped. That made sense, if Fauna was a faun (satyr?), her family probably was too! Mabel readied herself for more fuzzy rumps.
“Cosmo. Hip.” Fauna said, stern. Cosmo ‘baaah’ed, picking up the pace. He looked like he knew the area too.
“Where are we?” Mabel asked, having a double-take at the archery target tacked to a tree.
“My farm.” Fauna said. “Er, my family's. I’m just on count duty ‘cause I’m...nevermind.”
The scowl on her face told of some unspoken baggage, so Mabel let it be for now. She was on a satyr sheep farm!! More bleating from ahead and Cosmo’s ears pricked up, the big foof picking up to a steady trot as he bounced on ahead, answering happily with his own sheepy cry.
Fauna cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, “HEEEEY! WE’RE BAAAACK!”
Heavy footfalls clomped into dirt, and Mabel’s stomach clenched in excitement. The path turned past a group of trees, obscuring their view, so much so she almost yelped when a humanoid head poked from behind one. He shared Fauna’s dark complexion, though that was where the similarities started and ended. From what she could see he was shirtless, and couldn’t have been more than 9. Maybe satyrs just looked younger?
“Not you!” Fauna groaned. “Go tell Dad I found him. Wandered off East again.”
The boy blinked impishly, staring from Fauna to Mabel and back again. Mabel waved, and suddenly the head retreated. She looked to Fauna for context, but she just kept walking. They rounded the bend, and before she could think a large something barreled into them, sending them both sprawling.
Mabel fell backwards, knocking the wind out of her and forcing her to perceive the definitely NOT satyr body pinning her and Fauna to the ground. Fauna let out a noise halfway between a shriek and a growl, thrashing about under the weight of a relatively small horse attached to a human torso. The same face from before grinned down at them, sticking his tongue out.
“Sooo, who’s your friend!” the boy sing-songed, finally getting up. “Is she your giiiiirlfr – “
“COLT!!” Fauna punched his shoulders – his hips? – and slapped at any horsey flesh she could, batting the boy away. “Get lost! And put on clothes!”
“Nah nah nahnah nah!” the boy pranced just out of her reach, swishing his choppy-styled tail playfully. “Hiya human! You’re short.”
After the initial shock of Holy Wow Ground, plus a bit of coughing, Mabel was on her feet and cocking her head to the side at this new possible friend. “I’m still growing. Are you her dad or something?”
Fauna made a face, and the small centaur cackled. “Ew, no, that’s my brother. Colt. Colt, Mabel. Great you’re introduced, now get lost. You know the way back?”
“Uh?” Mabel squinted at the path back. Sure she could follow that until it petered out, after that…? Waddles headbutted her legs, snorting. Aha! Captain Waddles to the rescue. “Sure! Waddles, lead mama home!”
“Yoooo you have a pig?! That’s so cool!” Colt’s bright eyes twinkled. “Faunny, we should get a pig. D’ya think Papa would get us a pig?”
“No. They’re too smart for you. Hey, “ Fauna turned, putting a hand on Mabel’s shoulder. “I uh, thanks. For the help. You should really get home, it’s getting dark.”
One look at the sky made Mabel’s eyes bulge. It was always darker in the forest what with all the trees, she’d hardly noticed she’d been out so long!
“Yikes! Yeah, I should. But hey! Glad to help. Oh! Wait!” she dug around in her bag’s side pocket – yes! “Take this! It has my number on it. And it’s a sticker! Dual purpose!”
“Uh, thanks. I guess.” Fauna’s eyebrows drew together, even as she accepted the papery-plastic offering.
“Nice meeting you Colt! Tell your Dad I say hi!” with a smack to Waddles’ side, she was off back down the path. Whew! What a day!
She reached the Shack right as the final trickles of sunlight were filtering from the sky. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and a thrill went through her at the thought of Fauna texting her so soon!
Dang. Just Dip-dop.
dipdop : Where the heck are you??? dinner’s almost ready
dipdop : Ugh do I have to come find you
you : omg i have a story for you