Archive of Our Own ^beta

Marinette rolled her eyes, dropping her pencil. That thump was definitely not the rain.

"Chat, you know it's unlocked. Come in."

Another knock.

She sighed, wrapping the blanket further around herself and going to the window. Am I seeing things or is there really nothing there?

She yawned, rubbing at her eyes. The blanket dropped to the floor just as another knock reached her ears.

"…Chat?" She climbed the ladder to her bed. "I told you to stop—"

Louder knocking. Marinette let out an indignant huff, pushing the trapdoor open. Of course it had to be cold, too, with the rain pouring down and getting her bedsheets wet. She climbed up the second ladder, ready to berate her dumb kitty—

Surprise flashed through her, rooting her bare feet to the floor.

Adrien Agreste stood in front of her in soaked pajamas, water dripping from his hair and into his eyes, a dorky smile plastered across his face.

"…hi?" Marinette blinked fast. She was imagining this, right? The sleep deprivation and stress had finally gotten to her. That was totally it.

"Hi." Adrien looked around, then shrugged. "Uh… can I come inside?"

Marinette blew out a breath, then chuckled. She held the trapdoor open. "After you, monsieur."

"Thanks." He ducked inside, leaving Marinette confused outside. Is this a fever dream?

She followed him down. The yellow light cast a warm glow on his face, reflecting in a glassy sheen on his cheeks and eyes. They stood on the carpet for a moment, the only sound being the rain slamming against the window and roof.

Be a good host, her mother's voice called in her mind. "Can— you want a towel?" She blurted.

His smile was easy. "Can I?"

Aaaaand now she was blushing. Marinette let out a little giggle, then managed, "Uh, yeah, sure, let me go get us some." Her hands swung in tempo with her stuttering, and then she ran off, ducking into her crowded bathroom. She shot a text to Alya while grabbing two towels (both pink, of course), then rushed back out. She went to hand Adrien a towel, but somewhere along the way her fingers slipped. Horror flashed through her like ice.

"Uh… thanks?" His muffled voice came from under the coarse pink fabric. His hands came up and a hesitant smile with shining emerald eyes appeared under his new hat. Warmth pooled in her stomach at his little shy face. Just like the day he gave me his umbrella.

The umbrella that was sitting in the corner in plain sight, clearly recently used.

"Sorry!" Marinette squealed, realizing she hadn't ever apologized for the towel. "I didn't mean—" she wrang her hands together. "Your umbrella is over there, by the way. You can have it back— of course, you know that. It's yours."

"That's… thank you." Adrien ran his hands down his sopping wet jeans, then picked up the towel he'd dropped and ruffled it across his hair. "Sorry if I got your bed wet."

Marinette couldn't help the little squeak that escaped her lips. Don't freak don't freak don't— "It—it's fine. It doesn't make a difference, I won't be going to bed for a while anyway."

The silence seemed to stretch into oblivion. Adrien dried off his arms, eyes darting up to meet hers every few seconds before flitting away. She knew the signs of nervousness, she practically emoted them. This was a very nervous boy.

That she liked. In her room. Late at night.

The fact that they were both in their pajamas wasn't helping.

"So…" Marinette began right as Adrien began to say something. "You go first." They both insisted. Marinette took a deep breath. And here I thought I was going to have a relaxing evening.

"You first, please." Adrien insisted. Always the gentleman.

"I was just going to ask why you were…" She gestured to him, the rain, the balcony. "…here."

"Ah." Adrien rocked back on his heels, slinging the towel over his shoulder. "It's…"

A beat.

He looked up, finally, and the pain in his expression took her breath away. "I… didn't know where else to go." He admitted.

Marinette's mind spun. What?

"…what?"

"Sorry, this was a stupid idea, some dumb scene straight out of a movie, I should've—"

"No." Marinette was surprised by the strength of the conviction in her voice. She reached out and took his hand. "Stay."

"Thanks." Adrien managed after a moment. Was it the lighting, or were his cheeks coloring too?

Again, the silence stretched. Marinette realized that if she wanted anything to happen, she was going to have to do it. So, she slipped past him and grabbed her discarded blanket, setting it on the floor against the chaise. Then she flicked on the fairy lights above them, and grabbed a blanket hoodie she'd just finished from the closet, along with two more blankets. "Here." She whisper-called, throwing him the hoodie. Once again, it landed on his head.

"Is this a running joke now?" Adrien asked, laughing a little. It sounded empty, hollow. Like he was still modeling.

She sat down on the first blanket, patting the spot next to her. "Yes, it is. C'mere."

"Ok." Adrien moved too slowly, shuffling across the carpet. He looked exhausted, she realized, the kind of world-weary that dragged at your bones and made everything seem black and white. Like when you were sick and you could barely stay awake for longer than a few moments, and no amount of sleep helped. Marinette was pretty sure her heart was breaking.

He sat next to her, letting out a little hiss. "You okay?" She asked.

He blinked. Had he not expected the question?

"Y—yeah, you know what, not really." He whispered.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Adrien shuffled around a bit, pulling the blankets over both of them (missing the way her whole face flushed and warmth pooled on her gut as she realized how romantic this would be under different circumstances). His shoulder brushed hers for a moment, and she could feel the muscles working under the thin fabric. He was tense.

"Adrien, it's okay not to be okay." She whispered. Whatever had made her say that, some hidden intellect or a hunch or the universe, she was grateful, because a moment later he gave a great shudder.

"No, it's not." Adrien sniffed. He dragged an arm across his face, shaking his head as if to clear it. "I'm not supposed to—"

"What? Feel?" Marinette scoffed. "Who told you that?"

Adrien choked back whatever response was on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he just shook his head for a second time, blinking back tears. Marinette sat with him for what felt like an eternity, watching him struggle with himself. He would start, stop, shake his head, shift, each time apologizing in a thick voice.

Screw being awkward. Marinette slowly, gently, threaded an arm across his shoulders, pulling him into a little side hug.

He melted. At first, it was stiff, him letting out a little mewl of surprise. But then something in him collapsed. His cheek hit the side of her shoulder as he fell forward and sideways into her, a great sob wrenching from him. Marinette took in a sharp breath, fear roiling beneath her skin. "What… what's wrong?" She whispered. Is this the first time I've seen him cry?

He's never been akumatized either. Marinette realized. Maybe he's just that good at not feeling.

"Marinette…" he whispered. "Can I… can I ask you something?"

Marinette nodded, setting her chin on his head and pulling him closer. Screw a crush, one of her friends was obviously hurting and she needed to comfort them. "Of course."

"What…" He paused, hiccupping. "What do you think makes a person… human?"

"Uhh…" What is this, psychology class? But she thought for a moment. Whatever this was, it was obviously important to him. Absentmindedly, she began to play with this hair, and he sunk into her touch. "I think… what separates us from animals, you mean?"

"Mhm."

"I think it's the way we create." Marinette decided. "The way we can communicate, our ability to make things out of anything we get our hands on, the way we see art in everything. The act of creation sets us apart." She paused. "…can I ask why you wanted to know?"

Adrien didn't reply for a long time.

Then, "You won't…"

Okay, now this is just getting annoying. "Won't what, Adrien? Whatever this big horrible secret of yours is, you can tell me."

Adrien drew away, pulling into himself like a cat retreating into the shadows to lick its wounds. He was shaking, she realized.

What could possibly be so bad?

He wet his lips. "Have… have you ever found out something… about yourself…" He shifted, turning to face her, the blanket pooling around his legs. "Something that made you completely rethink who you were?"

Marinette's gaze searched the room. "Yeah." I realized I'm an incompetent Guardian. "When I realized I didn't want to continue Papa's bakery, it was… pretty rough. I had to stand up for myself. And the whole time I was wondering 'If I'm not the baker girl, what am I?'" She gestured at her sewing machine, a half-finished dress dangling from it's innards. "And then I found out I liked sewing. Neither of my parents do, so it was… weird. It took me a while to save up for that thing, but it felt good, you know? Like… it's something that's mine. No one else I know does it, not the way I do. It makes me feel like I'm my own person."

Adrien's gaze was unreadable, laser-focused on the sewing machine. "That… that sounds nice." He breathed, and with a jolt the emotion clicked into place.

It was desire.

Marinette swallowed. "Do you… have something like that?" Her voice was almost less than a whisper, floating through the room.

Adrien shrugged, then shook his head. "There was something, once. It was awesome. It was mine. It made me feel alive. I shared it with just one person. One beautiful, smart, creative, sassy person. But… she brought a bunch of other people in, and they kind of… crowded me out. It's… it's complicated now. Everything kind of blew up in our faces, and now…" He blew out a breath, rubbing at his face. "I don't know what we're gonna do. It's just not the same anymore, you know?"

Marinette couldn't breathe. "Yes." She manages. "I… I think I might."

Is that how Chat Noir felt? When I gave the Miraculous out to my friends?

Was he this heartbroken?

But Adrien was still in front of her, and obviously weighed down by something, so she settled for a soft 'desolé', rubbing his arm in what she hoped was a comforting manner. He leaned sideways towards her, gently bumping his temple against hers. "Thank you, Marinette."

"You haven't even told me why you broke into my house at eleven at night yet." Marinette retorted softly, forcing a little smile to curl her lips as she played with my hair.

Adrien shrugged, twisting so his back was against her arm. "It's…"

"If you say it's not important, I will smack you." Marinette warned. "You're, like, the king of repression."

Adrien let out a little surprised snort. "What?"

"You're never offended, never mean, you never cry or lose your cool. It's—" She felt him stiffen and immediately backtracked. "It's not a good thing! You need to express your feelings! It feels good! It makes life better! I'm just saying, if something managed to mess you up this much, you need to get it off your chest."

Adrien drew back, blinked. Wet his lips again. He was still trembling, she realized. Was she really that hard to talk to?

Maybe that monologue was too much. Marinette shifted so she was facing him. "I'm sorry. You… you know you can talk to me, right? I'm not going to tell anyone, whatever it is. Especially not your father."

Adrien flinched. Flinched, physically jolting back with wide eyes and parted lips. Marinette felt fear pool in the bottom of her gut. "Okay, did he hurt you? Because if he did—"

"No!" Adrien cried, then… "Well, kind of…"

Heat flashed across Marinette's vision. "I swear to—"

"No, no, Marinette, please!" Adrien's voice paused her in her angry ranting. "Don't get mad, please. I should've seen it coming—"

"Now do you believe Nino?" Marinette seethed. A voice in the back of her mind cried out, He doesn't need another person yelling at him! But somehow she couldn't bring herself to care. "He told you that your father was abusive, Adrien. You said, and I quote, 'He's only bad when he's busy'." Marinette leaned forward, not missing the way her friend cringed back. "Adrien, let me ask you this. How often is your dad busy?"

"All… the time?" Adrien tried, a weak smile coming to his face. It sounded as if the answer had been literally dragged out of him.

"Exactly." Marinette sat back. "Now tell me what he did, please, Adrien. I won't think any less of you for it, I swear it."

Adrien scoffed, mumbling something under his breath that Marinette didn't quite catch. The ensuing silence gave her a minute to think, and horror slowly filled her at her own outburst. "Adrien, I am so sorry." She gasped. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine." He gave her the hollowest smile she'd ever seen. "That's the most sentences you've ever said to me in a row without stuttering."

Marinette choked on air and coughed, cheeks heating. It didn't help matters when Adrien practically vaulted over the pile of blankets that had come up between them, crouching next to her so close their arms were brushing, patting her on the back. Marinette coughed a few times, more as an excuse to get her thoughts together than anything else. I didn't think he noticed me freaking out all the time!

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Marinette froze. "Wait, no, hang on, that's my job. I'll freak out about the fact that you were actually paying attention this whole school year later. What's wrong with you?"

"Darn." Adrien rocked back onto his butt. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice me changing the subject."

"Yeah, no, neither of us are exactly subtle." Marinette replied.

Silence.

"Just say it." Marinette advised. "I'll give you a countdown or a drum roll or something and you just spit it out. Whatever it is will just eat at you until you say it."

"And you know this how?" Adrien asked, a wry smile curving his face.

"Experience." Marinette remembered, a few months ago, sitting on the very chaise above her… with Alya.

The day she'd sold out her secret.

It still felt like she'd betrayed her partner, somehow.

Stop thinking about Chat Noir. He's nowhere near here right now. Adrien is the person you need to be worried about.

"Ready?" She whispered.

Adrien nodded. He looked as pale as a sheet, even with the light from the desk lamp making a yellow circle all around them. Marinette felt a little nudge at her hand and stilled, letting out a little breath.

Adrien's hands slipped almost perfectly into her own.

"One." She whispered, voice shaking.

Time seemed to stretch.

"Two." Marinette felt his hands tighten around hers.

His eyes were wide, glassy. A shaky breath escaped his parted lips.

"Three." She said.

Adrien blurted out, "I'm a sentimonster."

"WHAT?!" echoed through the house. Adrien clapped a hand over her mouth, hissing. "Marinette!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She whispered, pulling his hand away. "Just— oh my god."

"I know." Adrien managed. Marinette made a small sound in the back of her throat, reaching for his hands again. Sorrow filled her, and disbelief.

"Are you sure?" She whispered.

Adrien didn't quite answer. "I… I'm not the only one. I knew another sentimonster, once. But… Hawkmoth got a hold of our Miraculous."

Marinette let out a little gasp, one hand going to her mouth.

Our Miraculous.

The peacock.

Which Felix now has.

"He could snap me out of existence, Marinette." Adrien sobbed. "I— at any moment! I could be talking to you, or walking to school, or— and then just… bang. Gone. Just a little— a stupid feather, drifting away in the wind."

"Is this why you asked what I thought made a person human?" Marinette whispered, mind spinning.

Adrien nodded, tears filling his eyes. "I can't— my father has my amok, Marinette, that's why I can never disobey him. I'm not— Wishmaker hit me."

Marinette blinked, thrown off by the sudden change of topic.

"You know what I wished for?" Adrien's breath came in harsh, lilting gasps. "Do you know what my only wish was, when given the chance to be anything?"

Marinette shook her head in mute horror.

"My dream was to be whatever he wanted me to be. That's why I couldn't fill out the career day reports, Marinette. I've never been me. I'm just a— a creature he created— to do whatever he wan— to be what he wants— I can't—"

Marinette grabbed both of his shoulders. "Listen to me, Adrien."

His gaze snapped up. Obedient, always. Was that his personality, or his father's abuse showing through?

"Sentimonsters aren't creatures, okay?"

"Ladybug would disagree."

Ice filled her veins. "No, she wouldn't. Sentimonsters become whatever the person who creates them wills. Your father may have created you, somehow, and that is wrong, but he created a human. You are your own person."

"But how?" Adrien sniffed. The heartbreak in his tone broke her heart. "My whole life…"

Silence.

"He has my amok still." Adrien admitted. Marinette drew him in close again, feeling his lungs heave underneath his shirt. "The… the wedding rings. If he finds out I'm gone…"

Marinette placed her head atop his again. "Then I'll beat him up and put him in jail where he belongs, and I'll give you your rings."

Adrien shifted, curling into her chest. "You know what happens… if the amoks break?"

"No." Marinette whispered. "What?"

"Mine cracked, earlier." Adrien said. "When… my dad and I fought. I was trying to get him to let me go to that sleepover." He scoffed. "It seems stupid now."

Marinette gently prodded, "What happened?"

"He hit the table. Hard. My ring cracked. It was agony, Mari." Adrien breathed, rubbing his arms. "I've—"

He broke off suddenly. "I've never felt so much pain." He whispered, tone barely audible. "I… I don't want to make you feel bad for me, or anything. It's just… scary, I guess. And he has those rings right now. I keep— I keep jumping at the littlest twinges, thinking he's about to torture me again— not that he did it on purpose!"

"And what if he did?" Marinette was seething, but she kept her tone was even.

"I can't think about that." Adrien choked, pulling his knees up to his chest.

She let him think.

"… he's my dad, Marinette."

There it is.

"He's horrible sometimes, but I love him. And— I know that doesn't make sense, but he's my dad! He made me!" Adrien cringed. "A lot more literally than I thought. My point is, I— I remember when he was nice, Mari. He was humble, and kind, and he had this deep laugh…"

That's when Marinette realized.

Adrien was grieving for both of his parents.

His eyes were glassy and sharp as he continued. "I— I know it's dumb, and I want to hate him, I really do, but… I just miss him."

"…and?"

"And I wish he cared."

Marinette made a small noise in the back of her throat. There was a shuffling that she dimly realized was herself, moving to wrap her arms around him again. He melted into her embrace.

Marinette rested her head on his shoulder, gut in knots. What could she possibly do, right now? As Ladybug, she could swing over there and knock his block off. But as Marinette…

(Plus, Tikki would have qualms about beating up a civilian. Chat Noir wouldn't, though. Maybe she could send him.)

"Do you want me to kick your dad's butt?" Marinette mumbled. She felt a little rumble in Adrien's chest. "I… I don't think that's a good idea."

"What? I could pull it off!" Marinette flexed her arm. "Is that a challenge?"

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng, arrested for breaking and entering, assault and battery, and arson."

"Arson?"

Adrien was actually smiling now, she could hear it in his voice. "Alya and Nino would want to help."

Marinette shifted, snuggling in closer to her new friend. When am I ever going to get another chance like this? "I might let them have a blow or two. But for now, I'm taking you to see Ladybug."

"Now?" Adrien blinked.

"Yep!" Marinette stood. What am I thinking?! "We— we kind of—" Think! "She buys coffee from the bakery sometimes. Yep."

Adrien seemed to buy it, taking her offered hand and climbing to his feet. "I don't… want to bother her…"

Marinette resisted the urge to roll her eyes. You already did. (Not that she minded.) "I'm sure she'll be happy to help you. She leaned in, eyes sparkling, heart pounding. "I think she has a bit of a crush on you." Then Marinette stepped back, eyes sparkling, and slunk out onto the balcony. The rain had since stopped, and she took a moment to breathe in the fresh, energized air.

Tikki appeared. There was an unfamiliar look in her eyes— it took Marinette a beat to realize that it was her being somber. But still, the first question out of her mouth was, "Did you just confess your love for Adrien?"

Marinette realized her heart was racing. "Maybe?" She whispered. "In the most roundabout way possible, but yeah?"

"Good job!" Tikki zipped around her head. "I'll talk to you about the… other thing later."

Marinette nodded. "Adrien, come on!"

He poked his head up above the hatch. "Did it stop raining?"

"Yep!" Marinette held her hand out and he took it— why did I do that why why why—

"Okay, come on." Marinette pulled him toward the railing. This was giving her flashbacks to Reverser. "She's not that far away."

Adrien peered over the railing. "May I ask how we're going to get back down?"

"Like this!" Marinette stole a quick glance over the rail and then disappeared, leaving Adrien to rush and peer over the railing. "Come on!" She called down, heart racing as she swung from the thin, bending vines clinging to the brick. Please don't make a fool of yourself in front of Adrien, please— she muttered internally.

Adrien vaulted over the railing, effortlessly joining her. He gave her a quick smirk. "Like this?"

Marinette felt a rush of air leave her lungs. The similarities to Chat Noir in the way he was climbing… it almost looked like he was clinging to the wall with his claws.

"J—just like that!" She squeaked, and the moment was over. Dimly aware of how red her burning cheeks had to be, she slid the rest of the way down and pushed off, clearing the bush with ease. The only problem was her landing— something sharp hit her heel and she slid, landing with a hard thump on her butt. Adrien, of course, landed in a flawless crouch next to her. "Are you okay?" He whispered, glancing to the building they'd just snuck out of. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Oh, please." Marinette muttered, looking anywhere but at him. "This wouldn't be the first time."

She missed the look of wonder he gave her as she jogged off into the darkness, sending him stumbling after her.

—-

Adrien's mind was spinning.

You'd think it would be about the fact that he was a sentimonster.

(Really, he should've seen that coming. How much worse could his relationship with his dad get?)

No, Ladybug was going to fix that. He trusted her with his life.

The only thought running through his mind right now was am I…

Am I in love with Marinette?

"Come on!" She called, and he followed her.

They darted through the alleys like stray cats, keeping to the shadows and ducking out of sight of any people. Adrien was grateful— he couldn't imagine the pain he'd be in if his father found out he'd run away.

What could he make me do? Adrien felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Would he ever… hurt… his friends? He glanced at his hands, slowing to a stop. It was all too easy for him to imagine them swinging, hitting one of his friends.

If father ever found out I was Chat Noir…

Maybe it's safer for me to give my Miraculous back. Sorrow pooled in his gut. He remembered the last time that had happened. But maybe he couldn't be trusted with his powers. Maybe a sentimonster, a brainwashed creature, shouldn't have a power as dangerous as a cataclysm. Maybe he shouldn't have ever been given a Miraculous to begin with.

Green eyes poked out from his jacket. "Kid," Plagg warned. "I can tell what you're thinking. We are not doing this again."

"Did you know?" Adrien whispered.

Plagg just stared back, rare sorrow coating his gaze in a glassy sheen.

Adrien looked away.

"Adrien?" A voice called, and he realized that Marinette was peeking around the corner of an old building. "You coming?"

"Yeah." He shook his head, banishing the thoughts, and pounded off after her.

All too soon, the thoughts crept back in. He could make me leave. He could make me say anything to anyone. He could force me into a relationship with Kagami. He could make me give him my Miraculous.

Panic flashed through him.

He hadn't told her the… other thing he'd found out.

I can't stay there.

God, please let us get to Ladybug fast.

Images flashed through his mind in time with his pounding feet as he overtook Marinette, speeding faster and faster and forcing her to scramble to keep up. Nathalie coming up to his room. Nathalie opening the door to his father's office. She would tell him he was missing. His father's evil grin as he lifted his hand, showing off the ring he'd reclaimed from Nathalie, and his own ring.

Complete control.

Adrien could imagine himself pausing, stumbling, expression going blank. He could feel the fear as he tried in vain to push against the iron will locking his muscles in place. Turning. Walking home, ignoring Marinette's frantic pleading and the way she would push against him, tears streaming down her face, because she was so good and kind and caring.

He would enter the house, feel the cold wash over him.

He would answer any question his father posed.

His father would take his Miraculous.

He would be tortured.

Monarch, with black lining in his costume. Three new rings glittering on his hands.

Black descending over Paris.

"…here. It'll be okay… Ladybug… go."

Adrien struggled to make sense of what was happening. Plagg was a comforting ball of warmth inside his jacket, purring hard against Adrien's heart. He's here. The world isn't ending.

His hand found his Miraculous and gripped it tight.

For now.

Marinette disappeared and Adrien realized with a jolt that he should probably be following her. Numb feet dragged their way down the cracked pavement. He'd never been in this part of the city, he realized. His father wouldn't allow it.

"Tikki, spots on!" A flash of pink caught his eye. From just where Marinette had disappeared came Ladybug, swinging up above the brick divider and landing at his front.

He blinked.

"…okay, Adrien?"

Did I just see what I think I just saw?

"Uh— yeah!" Adrien gasped, feeling like a bucket of cold water had just been dumped over his head. "You—Mar— uh. Marinette Dupain-Cheng sent me to talk to you."

"I know." Ladybug crossed her arms, staring at him expectantly, a little smirk playing across her lips. Adrien didn't think he could function like this. His brain was going to shut off—

Maybe that would be better.

Okay, that was dark. Adrien shook his head, mirroring her pose. "I assume you know the, uh... situation?"

Ladybug nodded gracefully. "I'm assuming you don't want me to resort to violence to resolve the matter?"

Adrien snorted. "Seriously?! Everyone wants to beat up my dad!"

"He deserves it." Ladybug's tone was light, but he knew her well enough to read the rage lying beneath the surface. "Okay, here's the plan. I'm going to go to the Agreste mansion and demand that he give me your amok. If he doesn't, I can either get physical, call in Chat Noir, or get the police involved. Either way, you will not be controlled past tonight. How do you want me to approach this?"

Adrien didn't know what to do, honestly. Chat Noir helping?

Yeah, that was probably out.

Also... was that a rush of adrenaline? Why did he suddenly feel so heady, like he was on a boat headed into a monsoon and he had just taken the wheel? Whatever it was, he was surprised at how level his voice was when he decided, "The police won't work. My father has connections."

"Of course," Ladybug groaned. "I should've thought of that."

Adrien barreled on. If he didn't make this decision now, he knew he never would. "And as satisfying it would be to watch you beat the crap out of my father right now, I do love him, and I don't want you to have to deal with a lawsuit for assaulting one of Paris' top designers."

Ladybug snorted. "True. Chat Noir it is."

Adrien sucked in a breath. I can do this.

I can totally stand up to a guy who could end my life with a snap.

"Do you want to go?" Adrien looked up to see Ladybug a few inches from him, eyes soft. Her hands were up like she'd been about to touch his shoulders or arms, but paused. Because she doesn't know she's my partner. Because she's not supposed to know me. But she still cares. "You don't have to. We can take care of this on our own."

"That… would be nice." Adrien admitted. "Can I… can I wait here? I don't really want to be there when…"

"Of course." Ladybug finally patted his arm, withdrawing her hand far too soon. "I'll call Chat Noir on the way, and we'll be back soon. No one deserves to be enslaved." Her eyes were as hard as chips of ice when she said that, although her tone was calm, and Adrien wondered why.

"Good luck." He whispered.

Her smile was hollow, but her stance was still determined as ever. "Isn't that what I'm best at?"

She swung away.

Adrien found himself rooted to the spot. With her gone, the weight of the all the information and emotions bombarding him were fixing his feet to the floor, drowning him, covering him in—

"Kid, transform. We gotta go."

He transformed just in time to receive her call.

The next thing he truly remembered was inside, the bright white lights and walls that always reminded him of some sort of upscale hospital. The first time he'd come back from the hospital after his mother got sick, he'd broken down in this parlor— or at least he had until his father ordered him to sober up and go do his homework, which he had done with a stone face, emotions overflowing inside, roiling with no way to get out.

He'd thrown up three times that night.

Now that was starting to make more sense.

"You ready, chaton?" Ladybug— Marinette— gave him a glance.

He pulled in a breath, letting it fill his lungs until they were about to burst. Let it out. Took a moment to take her in, in all of her confidence and power and grace. Let that fill him.

"Let's go."

She opened the door to Gabriel Agreste's office.

Adrien followed her, like he always had, and always would.

—------------

The rings. They were cold, in his hands. Smooth. Polished.

Terrifying.

Chat Noir almost wanted to give them back. Press them back into the hands that had held them for so long. What if there was something his father had done, some measure he'd taken, that had made Adrien better? Kept him from hurting people?

What will I do with no one to guide me?

The answer scared him. His emotions scared him. Were they different? Stronger, somehow? More volatile? More unpredictable?

Chat Noir looked up. The lights on the Eiffel Tower silhouetted his lady like a spotlight on the massive drama stages his mother had taken him to when he was younger.

Did she know?

Is a part of her even in me?

"Ladybug." Chat Noir breathed.

She turned. His chest felt tight. "What if…"

"Yes?"

He chose his words with care. "How do we know that Adrien Agreste can be trusted? What if his entire personality was decided by these rings?"

"What are you saying, chaton?"

He dropped his gaze, anxiety worming in his stomach. "It's just… it must be hard, for him. He's spent his whole life being controlled. What if he does something rash? Can… can he be trusted to make his own decisions?"

Ladybug sat next to him, patting the still-warm slate. He sat too, tail curling around her loosely.

"No." She said, simply.

His insides froze.

"No, he can't be trusted to make his own decisions. But neither can I, kitty. If it wasn't for your level head, I would've lost my Miraculous to Monarch a long time ago. We all need a support team. I've met his friends." Ladybug admitted.

You're one of them.

She glanced away. "He's got a good support system. They'll help him get through this, if he's brave enough to tell them what's going on."

His voice was small, throat constricted so tight it was almost painful to speak. "You… don't think they'll…?"

"Treat him differently?" Again, Ladybug's– Marinette's– expression was thoughtful. "No. Maybe Chloè. But the others won't mind, I don't think. It might be awkward, but no one will be mean."

"They sound nice." Chat Noir breathed.

Ladybug nodded, lips pressed tight together. Finally, she spoke again. "Are you okay, chaton? I know this is a lot, and I know your own family isn't the best…"

"I'm fine." Chat Noir stood, ignoring the dizziness that washed over him. "Ladybug, can I ask a favor?"

"Sure." She stood too, hands twitching like she wanted to come closer but didn't know how.

Chat Noir flipped the rings around his hands. It was too easy to imagine them dropping, slipping through his fingers and clattering to the rain-slicked, shining streets below. With these, anyone could control him. A stranger. A villain.

"Can I be the one to give these to Adrien?" He asked, struggling to keep his tone even. "I… I have some things I want to talk to him about."

"Of course." Ladybug pressed her hands against his, closing them around the rings. "Just be careful, please. Adrien deserves to be happy for once."

He wasn't so sure of that. But he forced his leaden muscles to nod, turning and leaping from the roof, landing clumsily in a side alley. Once he was sure he was out of her sight he slowed, picking his steps with care through the sodden streets. Water streamed down off his ears and hair, blurring his vision. Emotion threatened to overtake him, and more than once he stopped.

I should detransform. The only rational thought, like a beam of sunshine in his otherwise dark and muddled mind. "Plagg, claws in." Adrien rasped.

"You good, kid?" Adrien was vaguely aware of Plagg's presence above him. What would I do without you?

I might not have him for much longer.

"I'll take that as a hard 'no'." Plagg settled in Adrien's hair. "You'll be fine, promise."

"I should've told her about my dad." Adrien mumbled. His heart rate outside of the suit was wild, slamming into his ribcage. Plagg must've been doing something to hold back the nausea, too, because Adrien felt pain clawing up the back of his throat. You're okay. You're okay.

Yeah, that was a straight lie.

"She deserves to know." Adrien gasped, cutting off whatever smart-aleck reply Plagg was giving. "I— I'm Chat Noir, Plagg—"

"And you're also a kid who needs a break!" Plagg insisted. "You can tell her tomorrow, since you're going to stay with her!"

Right, tomorrow's Saturday. No school. Thank goodness. Normally, Adrien didn't much like the weekends, but even he didn't want to go to school at the moment.

Wait.

"Staying with her?" Adrien cast his gaze up. "You mean Marinette?"

"Yep." Plagg nestled deeper in his hair. "You're not going home after that."

"But—"

"Adrien?" A distant voice called for him, and Adrien realized that Marinette had probably detransformed and was looking for him. Warmth swelled in his heart, dwelling side-by-side with the pain. It was too full.

But at the same time… good?

"I'm over here!" He called. A moment later his lady rushed around the side of a darkened building, arms spread wide. Before he could even open his mouth he was crushed in the tightest hug she could manage— which turned out to be pretty tight.

He never wanted to let go.

But eventually, she let go, stepping back to examine him. Her gaze lit on the rings. "Chat Noir gave them to you? I saw him vaulting away."

You don't have to lie to me, he wanted to say. I know who you are, and I love all of you.

Now those stray feelings were starting to make more sense.

Plagg poked him under the jacket, and Adrien took a deep breath. This still felt wrong, asking his lady for more help after all she'd done for him.

But Plagg was right. He couldn't go home.

"Marinette, is it—"

"Do you wanna stay at my house?"

They both paused, having spoken at the same time, and after a moment they both laughed. It was tight, and strained, but there. Relief swept him. "That would be great, thanks." He admitted. "I don't have any clothes to change into, though. Or a toothbrush. Or a phone charger. Or—"

"We can manage." His lady promised, linking her hand in his. He instantly felt a little better. "Home?"

He smiled. "Home."

—-

Epilogue:

It was the last time he'd seen his cousin, before.

Uncle had just died.

Adrien had been gushing about one of his new model friends, painfully unaware of the news. Felix had run, and Adrien had chased him, down to a part of the house he'd never seen before. Cold, wet stone dripped slimy water onto the dirt and concrete beneath his feet as he pounded along, following his cousin's footsteps into the darkness. Felix finally, finally stopped, coming face-to-face with a wall of stone. A thin, watery stream of light illuminated his vest, torn, wrinkled, and coated in grime. Adrien pulled up, gasping for air. "Felix, what did I say? Was it about the whole love thing? Did I gross you out that much?"

"You don't love her." Felix whispered, turning. His eyes were red, posture heavy with unimaginable weight. His hands were clenched at his sides. "Trust me, I've seen what love is and what isn't, and that isn't love. She's just a friend to you, Adrien."

"But loving people feels right!" Adrien complained. So naive. So young. So blunt.

"OF COURSE IT DOES!" Felix snapped. Adrien flinched back, and Felix took a few shaky breaths. Then, more quietly, he continued. "Because that's the way you were created."

"You mean raised?" Adrien whispered back. Something was growing, but his young mind didn't quite know what.

"Sure." Felix muttered. "You were made with love in mind. Unlike me." He took another deep breath, as if he was struggling to come to terms with the nonsense he was spewing. "But you have to learn, somehow, to embrace your other emotions too. Feel anger, Adrien, feel pain. It doesn't seem worth it, I know. It's so much easier to go with your nature…"

"Felix, what on earth are you saying?" Adrien had asked.

Green eyes met his. They were almost the same. Adrien had always wondered about that, how Felix and him looked so similar.

"Just make sure you live, Adrien. Don't ever, ever let anyone control you."

And then his cousin was gone, and the walls caved–

Adrien woke with a gasp.

He knew.

Felix knew.

That's why he took the Miraculous.

He took a few deep breaths, gazing out the window by his makeshift-chaise-bed.

Is Felix a sentimonster too?

That would… explain things.

He glanced up towards Marinette. His lady. His other half.

Felix had been right. Alyssa hadn't been the love of his life. But the feelings he had for Marinette… the feelings he had for Ladybug, those were different. He didn't have to put on a mask to be able to love anymore.

He fingered the rings.

Make sure you live, Adrien. Felix had said. Don't let anyone control you.

"I won't." Adrien whispered, tears pricking at his eyes. "Never again."

In the morning he would tell his lady everything, including the fact that his father was Monarch. He would embrace the anger. He would let himself feel.

But for now he was content to sit in the peaceful silence and security of home.

A hint of a smile came over his face and he rolled over, tucking in close to Marinette's cat plush and rolling his fingers over the cool metal of his new rings. "Felix... you should try loving sometime too."

"It's amazing."