Chapter Text
Monkeys.
Suguru has been thinking of that word lately.
Even when being bombarded with missions and classes, leaving them no spare time to relax and enjoy their youth, the young and broken sorcerer couldn’t help but think of that word.
And on a daily basis.
Shoko once asked him how he was faring. Upon observation, as she had stated, Suguru seems to have… changed.
“Who doesn’t?” He replied, eyes looking anywhere but hers, afraid of what she might see in them.
After all, he’s already broken. Toji Fushiguro - also known as the sorcerer killer - had successfully invaded his mind, tarnishing his ideals right at its core. And he doesn’t want anyone to see it. Especially not his closest friends, the ones who believe in him the most.
He’s one of the strongest, as Satoru had mentioned.
But lately… He doesn’t think like that at all.
“I’m fine.” He continued, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to change their topic. He doesn’t want to talk about it, nor does he want to acknowledge his abrupt… change.
But as he had cowardly stated, who doesn’t? Life as a sorcerer isn’t all rainbows and laughter. In the end, as someone who dabbles in the curses produced by this godforsaken world, it was an inevitable fact that they’d someday reach this point in their lives.
A point of doubting one’s ideas - a point where one even questions why they continue to live like so.
“Why would you…” With lethargic eyes gazing far into the horizon, Suguru suddenly recalls a distant memory that continually resurfaces occasionally, reminding him of how immature he was towards his friends. “Why would you think like that? You’re 16!”
“And yet we bore the responsibility of saving most of the non-shamans.” Suguru had mentioned, prompting him to continue walking towards his destination - an abandoned temple where a couple of curses have been reported to have attacked its visitors.
Yaga suddenly gave him this mission earlier when he lounged at the school. It can serve as a distraction,… is what Suguru thought when he accepted it. And yet, even while doing so, even while life continues to force him to move on, he continues to relieve that memory, desperately wishing for that warm feeling to envelop him once more.
The warmth he had felt upon his embrace - the one he continues to yearn for in this world.
“We’re the strongest, aren’t we?” He once proclaimed, remembering how the future version of his friend’s eyes had marginally widened. Looking back, Suguru would have loved to take even a single photo of how his friend had looked back then. Because deep inside, he wanted to cherish it. After all, it’s not an everyday occurrence to make THE Gojo Satoru speechless, especially his adult version.
And yet he just had to say those next words, one that left him nauseous and dizzy, as disappointment washed over his mind. “You… always told me that. And yet, from what I’ve seen, becoming the strongest sorcerer did you no good.”
It did us no good. Suguru would have liked to add, deeply sighing while running his thumb through his temple.
It’s not like he didn’t want to end up like this. After all, he promised Satoru that when the time came, he would open up to his Satoru.
He tried to do just that after a certain mission left him feeling empty yet full due to the curse he had just swallowed. It was the first time he even noticed how deep his thoughts had been running, questioning his ideals and the path he had made.
It terrified him so much that he immediately bolted out of that place while dialing Satoru’s number. But upon accepting it, upon hearing his energetic and pure laugh, one that questioned why Suguru suddenly called him out of the blue, Geto Suguru faltered.
Because how could he not?
He didn’t want to taint his friend’s heart. He doesn’t want Satoru’s smile to fade because of him.
“I just… missed you.” Is what he used as a reply, cowardly turning his back on the issue that continues to grow within his heart.
One that is now devouring him on the outside, instigating his refusal to eat every now and then.
Because of that, he can’t even ignore the condition of his body any longer. He was losing his hard-earned muscles. Sooner or later, Suguru will face the consequences of not caring for his body. But with his current mindset, Suguru might not care at all.
Keeping such a promise - to be open when he’s in trouble - is hard, especially now that he’s seeing the gap between him and his friend.
Eventually, Satoru will be deemed the strongest sorcerer. It’s his future, one that Suguru had seen firsthand.
So why change it? Why can’t he simply let fate run through its course? It’s not like something bad will happen in the future.
Right?
Liar. A voice inside of him whispers just when the image of the adult version of his friend pops through his mind - The image of Satoru’s smile, one Suguru had deemed to be forced.
“It’s not like something bad will happen… huh,” Suguru whispers to himself even after noticing where the reported curse is. It wore an item of traditional clothing, with its neck wrangling on its side. And in just a second, with a flick of his finger after summoning a grade 2 curse, he had successfully defeated it, leaving him alone in his thoughts. “How ignorant of me.”
He’s seen the future, after all, one where Gojo Satoru both became the strongest and loneliest sorcerer.
Nothing bad will happen, my ass.
However, the fact remains that Satoru will become the strongest, a fact that will not change, a fact that continues to tear Suguru’s sanity apart.
Is this the reason why I left him? Suguru continued to dwell on this question, even after seeing another curse who was about to land an attack on him. Unfortunately, this one is unreported, surprising Suguru. It didn’t even allow him to analyze its features before trying to slice his arm. Nonetheless, even with his mind in turmoil, he exorcised it instantly. Due to my lack of strength and belief… will this lead me to my death?
Leaving Satoru all alone at the top?
“...”
With a heavy and confused heart, Suguru eventually finds himself sighing at the absurdity of his situation. It’s not like he doesn’t understand and acknowledge what he’s currently experiencing. In contrast, he knows full well how weak he’s becoming.
And how he’ll continue to be if he doesn’t do anything about it.
But with how the higher-ups keep on giving him low-level missions and how they continue to separate him from his supposed partner, just how can he overcome this huge and tedious obstacle by himself? How can he fight against the people who keep treating him as a bin if he has no connections or power to do so?
Just… how?
Besides, just because he was given the status of becoming a special grade doesn’t mean he does not need help. Like Satoru, Suguru sometimes wishes for someone out there to notice his predicament.
Just like the future version of his friend did.
Eyes narrowed at the path he had just taken, and his mind conflicted about whether he’d return. Suguru eventually closed his eyes and sighed again. Going back means doing the same thing all over again.
Classes, mission, exorcise, then rest, with Shoko adding to the mix, telling him to eat every now and then.
But he doesn’t.
He doesn’t want to.
It’s tiring, after all, doing everything on repeat, knowing full well that he’ll eventually die.
So, why do it?
“Suguru.” Gradually opening his eyes as a memory vividly passes by his head, Suguru recalls how soft Satoru’s voice was when he first called out to him. How Gojo Satoru of 2018 had a longing look and how regret occupied his whole face.
And just when Suguru was about to lift his head, mind hazy and filled with his dear friend’s blue and benign gaze, his vision shifted, making him recall a young girl with a white headband, wearing a smile that portrayed that she wanted to be set free.
Until something passes by her head, making her fall to the ground with an unfulfilled wish and a lifeless look on her face.
It was at that point that Suguru hunched forward as bile began to rise from his throat.
The world works in a cruel and sadistic way. It doesn’t torment those who don’t want change, justice, or freedom to be achieved, yet tortures those who initiate or try to accomplish it.
It’s unfair, yet at the same time, a fair thing to experience.
“Geto-san!” The auxiliary manager’s voice barely even registered to the young sorcerer. And by the time it did, Suguru was already thoroughly observed, eyes gazing at his feet and up to his head. It made him squirm, clearly uncomfortable by another’s gaze.
But then again, as a special grade, he still needs to present a strong and dependable image of it. God knows they need it, especially since Satoru is acting like a child around them.
“Are you all right?” She continues, eyes locking with him to see if he truly is okay, even after seeing that he isn’t physically wounded.
In response, Suguru all but nodded his head, tearing his gaze apart from hers. “There was an unregistered curse earlier. Be careful. There might be more around this place.”
“An unregistered curse?” She hummed and immediately took a notepad out of her blouse. “I’ll be sure to take note of that. But other than that, is everything finished around here?”
Business as usual… huh. Suguru deflated at that thought as the auxiliary manager began to walk, prompting him to follow. “I already did what I came here to do.”
“Good to know.”
It has always been like this in every mission he accomplishes. And Suguru would want nothing more than to stop and reflect, to have time for himself, and to decide what he’ll do now that he’s tasted defeat.
He wants to learn how to heal… and how to move on from that traumatic memory.
But how could he? With every passing second, with every step he takes, there’s always someone in need of his help. Someone who generates curses, making their whole lives hellish and cursed.
Civilians.
Non-shamans.
Monke -
Stop. Suguru wills himself just as he closes his eyes while ultimately halting himself from taking the next step. He would be lying to himself if he ever denied using the term, though, because, in reality, it’s all he’s been thinking of.
Their claps,
Their praises,
They are unable to see how morally inappropriate it is to take the life of a youth away.
To take Riko’s life just for the sake of their goals.
And Suguru abhors it. He resents them. He wishes for their deaths every night, even if he forces himself to understand the whole situation logically.
And how fucked up it is.
So, even with how hectic his schedule was, Suguru couldn’t help but wonder if what he was doing was still right - If being a jujutsu sorcerer was still okay.
Is it still worth it? Is it still meaningful to risk their lives just for the sake of the non-shamans who might end up hurting them - just like what Toji Fushiguro had done?
Is it?
And deep down inside, he knew- He knew what he wanted, what he truly desired to do.
But at the same time, he doesn’t. It’s too complex, too confusing, too devilish to think of.
And he’s scared of what he’ll become once he arrives at the answer because he knew, instinctually, that he’d lose himself at this rate.
And Satoru will be left alone, wearing a face Suguru never thought he’d ever witnessed.
Regret.
“Geto-san?” The auxiliary manager called out to him again, but unfortunately, at this particular moment, Suguru had chosen to block everything off. He remained from where he stood, eyes closed and fists tightly clenched. Something within him - especially after recalling Satoru’s face that was full of sorrow - began to stir.
He was terrified.
He doesn’t know how to solve this particular predicament.
And most of all, Suguru longs. As selfish as a human can be, during in time of need and vulnerability, he longs for the warmth he once experienced.
The warmth that Gojo Satoru of 2018 had given him, one that he can’t help but shy away from, from his Satoru.
It feels wrong though - to want something from someone who sees him as the person he had lost. It may come off as him taking advantage of Satoru’s guilt and regret, but Suguru still wants to relieve that moment of tenderness from his friend.
He can choose to do it with his Satoru, but how could he? It’s not like he can just pull his friend away and bare his heart and soul out.
Technically, I can, but… Suguru bit his lip and couldn’t stop himself from recalling the older version of his friend and how his forced smile broke the young sorcerer’s heart. What if that happens to Satoru as well?
What if Satoru loses his smile because of me?
And that… probably is the main reason why Suguru feels so lost.
Just what is he supposed to do now?
“Geto-san!”
A harsh and surprising tug eventually broke him out of his stupor, realizing a bit too late about the darkness that surrounded his feet.
A curse? Suguru thought to himself as he tried to move away from his specific position. However, just when he was about to jump, something within it came out, wrapping itself around Suguru’s body.
“Geto-san!” The auxiliary manager once more called out to him, voice distressed at the image that was currently being presented. But just as she was about to reach forward, to try and help him out of his predicament, Suguru noticed the shift of the curse that was immobilizing him effortlessly.
It was trying to unravel, attempting to take her along with him.
“Stay away!” Suguru warned her as inky-like ropes suddenly wrapped themselves around Suguru’s eyes, successfully blocking out his vision.
And just when he was about to tell her not to inform Satoru about this - because really, it’s not that big of a deal… for a curse to take a sorcerer away - the rope was eventually placed above his mouth as it gradually pulled him downwards, not knowing where he’ll eventually end up in.
How troublesome. Suguru thought to himself before succumbing to the curses’ space.
***
The first thing that Suguru noticed upon opening his eyes was the familiarity of the place he was currently in.
It was dark, similar to that of space, with flickers of light at random spots. And when Suguru tried to move his hand, he also noticed that his feet weren’t touching the ground.
He was floating.
And if his guess was correct…
Is this… the curse that can warp people to different dimensions? Suguru quickly theorized, eyes trying to survey the space he was currently being held.
The inky-like ropes have also been removed from him, making Suguru think that it might have just appeared to pull him in.
But why now? Suguru couldn’t help but question, because, after months of trying to activate this specific curse, it hadn’t moved a budge - which had never happened before to the other curses he had consumed.
Until it had, just when he wasn’t even thinking about it.
He wanted to use it when the sorcerer killer appeared and stabbed Satoru, wanted to let it out just so Riko and Kuroi could escape from the clutches of the jujutsu world, all because he thought that he could and that he was capable of doing so.
But he failed, tremendously. And there was no coming back from that failure of his.
Satoru even died, even if he tried to persuade Suguru that he hadn’t. At the end of the day, he still did. Suguru knew deep inside that he had failed them all, and that he blames himself for it.
He’s weak. He doesn’t deserve the title of being a special grade.
So why did this curse present itself to him once more in the hands of a failure like him?
Just when he was about to move his body and to try and scrutinize his surroundings even further - with a motivation to attain his needed answers - a noticeable movement was caught in his peripheral vision, successfully claiming his undivided attention.
A cat? Suguru thought to himself, lifting an eyebrow upon seeing a dark cat floating a few meters away from him. But instead of focusing on why a cat suddenly appeared out of nowhere, the young and clueless sorcerer couldn’t take his gaze off of its eyes - especially with how suspicious its eye colors were.
It resembles the color of an amethyst, similar to his.
“What are you?” Suguru asks, sensing no malicious intent from the unknown creature that has its gaze on his figure. After a few seconds of silence, Suguru once again tried. “Why am I here?”
And just like what he expected, it didn’t give him a proper response. All it did was sway its tail, staring hard and deeply at his eyes.
To be honest, Suguru found it to be a bit unnerving. It wasn’t exactly common for them to have a stare-off with a curse, especially with a creature that may have been the reason why he was suddenly whisked away. But for some unknown and suspicious reason, he still can’t find himself to look away.
I wonder why? Suguru asks himself, eyes marginally widening after noticing the sudden movement made by the cat. It surprised him, for sure, but what instantly took his breath away was the fact that the darkness that enveloped them suddenly produced some form of light in the distance, specifically to where the cat was moving.
It was unlike Suguru had ever seen. And yet, before he could process what was happening, he noticed how his limbs started to move, arms reaching towards the creature that he was gazing at a few seconds ago.
“Wait!” Suguru pleaded, eyes never leaving the mysterious creature. “At least tell me what will-”
Without waiting for him to finish, Suguru’s vision was eventually covered by a dazzling light, giving him no chance to prepare for what was about to happen.
More specifically, from the pain that suddenly erupted at his sides, making him remember a similar experience - one that he had wished to come across once more.
One that the curse had granted to him, either in the face of pity or belief.
Gasping through the pain, Suguru took a sharp intake of air before placing an arm at his sides. At least he can validate the fact that he was currently out of that dark space while lying on a bed of sand. It was uncomfortable, considering how a few sand particles had stuck to his face. But even so, Suguru didn’t have the mindset to think about that.
After all, he just activated the curse to warp through dimensions, hasn’t he?
Where… Clenching hard through his pain, Suguru willed himself to lift himself upwards and survey his current surroundings. Where am I?
It took him a while to adjust to his new surroundings. As much as he wants to admit that he’s capable of adapting to new situations, this in question is the exception. He heard the sound of waves in the distance, and the cold air passing through his figure, but that doesn’t exactly explain where he was.
But one thing was certain: He’s not from this world. Suguru successfully activated the curse to warp to another dimension.
And for some reason, he knew instinctually how he was successful in activating it.
It was because of my greed, wasn’t it? Suguru thought, all the while patting his pants to remove the sand that clung to it. My desire to see Satoru, and my wish to feel his warmth even for one more time…
Activated this curse.
Cursed techniques are similar to a two-edged sword. Some may be fortunate enough to understand fully its capability and uses, while others may not.
Suguru knew that he was the latter. Curse Manipulation is not like the other techniques, after all. So, even if he was given the title of becoming a special grade, Suguru knew deep down inside that he still lacked the strength to fully utilize it.
Hence his inability to understand how to activate this specific curse.
But with his mind in turmoil, and heart desiring to see the adult version of the person who continually makes him smile, Suguru hypothesized that the curse that can warp to different dimensions may be connected to his emotional drive.
To see Gojo Satoru of 2018.
It might be a far-fetched idea, coming from a 17-year-old guy who was still traumatized from last year’s events, but he had nothing else aside from that.
His desire to see his dear friend’s future, his wish to know if he was still doing okay despite the world’s constant inclination to watch him fall, and Suguru’s longing for that warm and tender embrace was the only thing that the young sorcerer could think of that made him successful in activating this specific curse.
Because nowadays, it was the only thing he could think of - the only thing that made him continue to live through life even if it continues to invalidate his existence.
“...”
No reason for me not to try and test it out, right?
With this thought in mind, Suguru gazed upon the ocean again before eventually closing his eyes. He took a long and deep breath before relieving his memories of his time with Satoru of this world.
With his soft and benign gaze, his face morphing to one of happiness and regret, and the way his body seemed to cling to Suguru as if he was showing the young sorcerer his desire never to let him go again, Suguru made sure to imagine every single one of it.
Until he felt something pull his arm, gradually making him open his eyes to see a similar portal that had dark ropes wriggling at random parts in it.
“It worked,” Suguru whispered, eyes widening at the thought that his hypothesis was correct. “It fucking worked.”
And just like what he expected, the dark ropes once again began to pull him inside. It started to wrap around him like a snake, similar to how it pulled him towards this world.
But unlike before, Suguru chose to let it pull him while he slowly walked towards it. He just prayed that on the other side, he’d find the person that he wanted to see.
To see his blue eyes once more, the eyes that Suguru constantly desires to protect from the cruelty of his world.
And yet…
Unlike the expectations that he had upon stepping on the other side…
Suguru paled.
As destruction covers his whole vision, with fallen debris on either side of his gaze, Suguru still hasn’t removed his focus from the scene that is currently being presented in front of him.
Unlike his first time seeing the adult version of his friend, one where the sun shone down on his white locks of hair, wearing a smile that was directed towards his students, Suguru now sees a battered and fatigued man-
Who was standing right in front of death’s door.
It shouldn’t even be possible. Seeing him like this made the young sorcerer think that maybe, this was simply a nightmare. Gojo Satoru is the strongest sorcerer, and that is a fact that has been laid out for years by the jujutsu community.
But for some reason…
He was losing.
And Suguru knew that if he didn’t move, that if he did not do something right at this moment-
Gojo Satoru will die.
Suguru noticed something passing by his legs but eventually paid no mind to it. He’ll realize later that it was the curse that warped him to this place, gazing at him with curious eyes. It wonders what the young sorcerer who isn’t from this timeline will do in the face of such peril.
To see his best friend right before destiny claims his life.
And like what it expected, knowing full well how Suguru is protective towards his friend - no matter which timeline he may land on - the cat’s amethyst gaze followed in pursuit of the black-haired sorcerer as he summoned a curse to push him directly to his friend’s side, just before their king’s attack would land directly on the strongest sorcerer’s figure.
Before it once more disintegrates to become one with its owner’s shadow, the curse that can warp to different dimensions stared at Geto Suguru, curious as to how he’ll save the adult version of his friend.
Because at the end of the day, destiny will run through its course.
But who says that people can’t curse it instead?
*****