Archive of Our Own

Even the best laid plans go awry, and Buck will be the first to admit this wasn’t his greatest plan. After getting fired and rehired on the same day, he realizes he might have taken  things a little too far. Buck knew he was getting a little desperate for some attention, but he didn’t know that would lead to a Tinder hookup convincing him to take a ladder engine out for a joyride in the middle of a shift. He’s honestly not sure how his actions helping Sergeant Grant were enough to get him his job back. What he does know is everything he currently needs, (encouragement, support, a little grace, maybe a quick hug if he’s totally honest) he could possibly already have from his coworkers if not for his plan. 

At 26, Buck knows by now that he’s a lot to be around. 

Physically, he’s taller than average, and even though he slimmed down from all the swimming during his time at SEAL training, he’s still pretty broad in the shoulders. But more than that, he knows if he doesn’t rein himself in, he can get a little loud, a little too intense to those around him. He knows it’s at least partly because he grew up feeling invisible in his own house, and he overcompensated for that by being impossible to ignore everywhere else once he finally left his parents behind. 

So the plan to keep this job and make it a career, to finally do something that matters, (to finally be someone that matters, a nasty voice whispers) was to rein it all in. 

Don’t be too loud; don’t overshare; don’t dominate conversation; don’t be needy. 

But as he had packed up his locker, finding out everyone on his shift agreed that he deserved to be fired, he realized he’d perhaps hidden too much. He’d hidden so much that no one knew him enough to even do him the kindness of lying, to even pretend to be on his side of things. 

He doesn’t know where his strategy went wrong - it worked all through SEAL training and at the fire academy. The more he thinks on it though, he recognizes that none of the people from those two experiences are people he could call on for help except maybe one or two. He hadn’t made anything beyond surface friendships with those people at the time. So although it worked to keep people from being annoyed with him, it meant he didn’t make any lasting connections with anyone. 

Southern California is where Buck has spent the most time since leaving Pennsylvania. Of all the places he’s lived and worked over the last few years, this place is where he decided to stay. It’s why he picked LAFD: to put down some roots. It’s warm, has the ocean, and it’s the opposite coast of his parents. So if he’s going to be here for a while, he thinks he’ll need to make an effort to let people in.

***

His next shift is right away the next day, and he gets lucky that Bobby is already in his office behind his desk doing paperwork, so Buck knocks on the door frame, grateful Bobby smiles when he sees him. 

“Morning,” Bobby greets and Buck nods. 

“Morning - got a minute?” 

Buck closes the door behind himself when Bobby says he does. 

“I just wanted to apologize again for last shift. I’m not going to sit here and make any excuses. I know better than to pull some shit like that, but I…” he trails off and after a minute Bobby clears his throat. 

“Buck-” 

“No, sorry just, I said yesterday that I don't have anything outside this job, but I don’t know if I was totally clear. I know we talked - when I asked you to be my emergency contact - about my parents.”

“Yeah, they’re not in town,” Bobby interjects. 

“Right, they’re back in Pennsylvania. …But the truth is I don’t even have them down as secondary contacts because even if they did get a call someday, they probably wouldn’t show up. I left when I was 19, and I’ve talked to them since then, but I haven’t been back.”

“Can I ask why you left?”

Buck shakes his head. 

“Story for another day. I’ve been a lot of places since then, but the only things I collected along the way were memories and job experience. I live with random roommates that needed an extra person to make rent. I don’t have any extended family out here, and I didn’t get close to anyone at the academy. The point I’m trying to make is that I want to be here ; I want to help people, and I want to at least be a decent coworker but maybe make some friends at the same time. Because outside of this, what I’m trying to build for myself with this job, I don’t have much of anything.”

“The people here are good people Buck, and I wouldn’t have fought to get you after you graduated from the academy if I didn’t think you would be the right fit for the group. But that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself that this job is all you have. This is still your probie year, give yourself the time to decide if this is the right fit for you . You already were a solid member of this team - until yesterday. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing but maybe delete tinder for a bit, yeah?” 

“Already done. Thanks for, uh, letting me explain that I guess. And I apologize again for yesterday.” 

“Apology accepted. But I’m still keeping an eye on you.”

“Fair enough. Thanks Cap.”

Skip Therapist Related Section

A month later, Buck sits in his Jeep outside the ER for at least an hour before he works up the nerve to open his phone and make the call. If he puts it on speaker and lets his phone rest on the center console because his hands are shaking well, that’s his business. 

“Sergeant Grant,” Athena’s voice comes over the line, toneless and firm. 

“Yeah, hi,” he says, desperately hoping his voice stays even. “This is Firefighter Buckley, is now a good time?”

“Buck! You’re being awfully formal, everything alright?” 

“Um, yeah, sorry,” he winces. “Are you on duty by chance? I- I guess I need to report,” he pauses after the little stutter and sighs before he admits, “an assault.” 

“Buck, are you workin? You don’t have to do this, your captain can make this call,” she tells him, voice going a little soft which he doesn’t think he deserves yet. 

“No I’m- I’m not on a call,” he concedes softly and hates that he has to sniff back tears already. 

“Where are you?” She demands and the tightness in his chest loosens a fraction after he tells her. 

“I’m 10 minutes out. Do you need to be inside the ER instead of loitering outside of it?” 

“No, no I’m okay for 10 minutes.”

He’s pacing by the time she gets there, too much adrenaline making him shaky. She doesn’t waste any time getting out of the cruiser after she’s thrown it in park to get to him. 

“Buck,” she says sharply enough that a small part of him almost snaps to stand at attention. She looks him up and down, clearly searching for injuries. “What’s going on?” 

Athena reaches out to him but he flinches back. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes with a wince, wrapping his arms around himself. “I just, I think I’m evidence at this point. Otherwise, it’s my word against hers.”

“And who is she ?” Athena questions, hands going to her hips.  

“Um, the uh, trauma counselor Bobby sent me to,” he says, dropping his arms and his eyes, suddenly unable to look away from his shoes. 

“Buck-” she starts but Buck shakes his head to cut her off. 

Athena looks ready to murder someone, eyes narrowed and fists clenched when Buck looks back up at her.  

“I really don’t want to talk this out more times than I have to,” Buck pleads, hating how his voice wavers, betraying how upset he really is. “But, I’m a mandated reporter so I figured, I don’t have a choice.” He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself again before he continues. “So, do I start my statement now or inside?”

“We can do it all inside. Let’s go,” she instructs, all business and it helps. He follows her in and goes through all the steps. He gives his statement, undresses and gives her the clothes which are placed in an evidence bag, and lets a nurse swab him down for more DNA samples. After it’s all over, Athena trails him out to the parking lot, back to their vehicles. 

“Do you have anyone that you can spend tonight with? I don’t want you going home alone after all this,” she’s gentle about it, but Buck knows she’s dead serious. 

“My roommates will be around I’m sure,” Buck shrugs, picking at his fingernails. 

“Roommates,” Athena says flatly, skeptical. “They your friends?” 

He could lie. He probably wouldn’t get away with it based on the fact that he’d be lying to a cop, but he could try and lie his way out of whatever she’s planning. If he could lie convincingly enough he can go home, shower for a couple hours and then crawl into bed alone so the only people in his life who have to know about this are Athena and Bobby. But he takes too long to answer and Athena’s gaze gets more suspicious. 

“The truth, Buckley,” she demands. 

“No, ma’am,” he mumbles, crossing his arms across his chest as he avoids her eyes again. 

“Any family in town?”

“No, it’s just, just me.”

“Alright, you got two options at this point. You either come home with me, or I take you to Henrietta.”

That is, not what he expected. 

“Sergeant- Athena please, I don’t want to mess up the rest of your day. I’ll, I’ll be fine I’m just going to get cleaned up and get some sleep I promise,” Buck tries to bargain, but one look at her expression and he knows he’s already lost. 

“That is not one of the two options I gave you. Now. You coming home with me or going to Hen’s?” 

Buck sighs in defeat and scuffs his shoe, feeling like a teenager getting handled by his friends’ parents all over again. 

“Hen, please.” 

“Good choice. Now get in.”

Knowing it’s pointless to argue with her, he folds himself into the front seat, shoving the mostly empty duffel bag down at his feet. He zones out while she drives, letting her calm voice wash over him as she reports in, with the scanner chatter filling the silence between them. 

It doesn’t take long, and they’re pulling up to a house Buck doesn’t recognize but knows it’s where he’s spending the night. Athena ushers him to the front door of Hen and Karen’s house like if she lets him out of her sight at all he’ll take off running down the street. He hates it a little that she’s not really wrong to think that. A part of himself still wants to just run from this whole mess until it goes away. 

Athena hands him off, and Hen bustles him into the house and is her usual patient self as she lets Buck get it all out. Hen doesn’t push for more words from him after he finishes explaining what happened. She sends him off to the spare bathroom with some fresh clothes to get washed up instead. He wiped down briefly at the hospital but a shower is definitely still going to help. He’s pathetically grateful when she takes the clothes he was wearing, the spare set he put on at the hospital after his first set were collected as evidence, and tells him she’ll run them through the wash. 

Before he drops off into sleep, he texts Athena.

Her reply comes back a few minutes later.

He debates with himself for a full minute before deciding to take her up on the offer.

Her reply is quick to come through.

Athena is already at the station chatting with Bobby just inside the open bay doors in the bright, fresh morning air when he and Hen walk up. Hen gives his arm a little squeeze as they approach the two and then heads into the locker room. 

“Morning, Cap, Athena.” 

“Morning,” Cap greets with his normal smile, face relaxed and Buck knows just from that, that Athena hasn’t told him. 

“Can we talk in your office, Bobby?” he asks softly, and Bobby’s face immediately falls into one of concern. “Uh, quietly?” he requests before Bobby can respond and garner anyone’s attention.  

“Sure thing, let's go on in,” Bobby answers and turns to say goodbye to Athena. 

“She’s coming too,” Buck says, still quiet and Bobby’s eyebrows fly up but gestures them both back to his office. Once the door is shut behind them Buck starts to explain before Bobby can say anything. Somehow he manages to get all the key pieces out on the table without needing Athena to fill in any blanks. If he keeps his gaze locked on Bobby’s nameplate on the desk instead of his face well, that is what it is. 

“Taking some time off will just raise more suspicions, so I’d like to just try and keep everything as normal as possible other than obviously this meeting everyone is seeing happen. Hen knows, you know now, but I’d rather the whole station didn’t have to know about it,” Buck asks at the end of it all. 

“Of course,” Bobby is quick to assure him. “This is your business to share; it doesn’t leave this room if you don’t want it to. My one question would be: what about Chimney? You’re close with him too.”

Yeah, he has been getting close with Chim too but. Chim cannot keep a secret to save his own damn life. And out of everyone on Buck’s normal shift, Chim is the one most likely to tease him about any and everything.  

“Maybe…” Buck evades. “I’m not sure I’m ready for jokes to be made about it quite yet. I’d rather we kept it to just us four at this point.” 

“Chimney wouldn’t…” Bobby starts to defend before lifting his hands in surrender. “We keep this to us. If anyone asks, this conversation with Athena is just a follow up on our last call together. Normally I’d be sending you to talk to someone, but, in this scenario I’ll be the one to ask, where’s your head at right now? Do you want to be the man behind today? You haven’t been for a while so it wouldn’t look too out of the ordinary for me to make that call.” 

“That might not be a bad idea,” Buck shrugs. “But this isn’t…” he trails off and Athena scoffs. 

“Boy, if you’re about to say this isn’t a big deal.” 

But he shakes his head at her. 

“No, I know it is, that’s not what I was going to say. I made some not so great choices while I was traveling by myself and trying to figure things out over the last few years.” 

He can’t look at them when he admits this, but he told himself he needed to let people in, to tell people about himself, and this is something he can share. It’s vaguely relevant to their work as they’ve already responded to calls for the scenario. 

“I got roofied, um, a couple times, but I recognized the signs and was able to get help from the bartender before anything happened to me. I was just going to say, this isn’t the first time my consent has been…toyed with. So I’m not sitting here blaming myself,” for the most part he keeps inside, “I know she took advantage of me being upset, and vulnerable or whatever. It just sucks. I haven’t really resolved anything that I went to see her about originally.” 

They all just sit with that for a moment before Athena reaches out to pat his hand, squeezing it gently before she speaks. 

“Well I won’t speak for Captain Nash because he’s in a different position than I am, but you’re not alone now, here, okay? You can always come to me when you need help whether I’m on the clock or not. Even if it does start with a not so great choice, alright?” 

Buck shakes his head again, “I don’t go out alone and get drunk like that anymore, promise,” he says with a smile. “I don’t get drunk like that ever to be honest, not since I graduated from the academy.” 

She gives him another gentle pat on the arm before she stands to leave. 

“I need to get back on patrol but you take care of yourself, you hear?” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Buck answers with a bigger smile in her direction and she nods, satisfied. 

It’s been a long time since someone asked him to do that, he realizes. This is the benefit of connecting with people, he reminds himself. 

“You did good, kid,” Bobby says once Athena has left the room. “I’m really glad you didn’t try and hide this. I’d give you a hug but I think that would just make people more concerned out there than they maybe already are.” 

“Maybe later,” Buck offers in agreement with Bobby’s statement. Bobby doesn’t keep him and they walk out of his office smiling and talking about the shift like everything is normal, just another day. 

When Buck rushed off with Hen to check on their missing boss, he hadn’t honestly known what to expect. He’d tried not to think the worst, but Buck was still trying to get a read on Bobby and didn’t know for certain, at the end of the day, that the man wasn’t suicidal. There was something in the way Bobby directed conversations away from himself so often that reminded Buck of his own habits. Which made Buck think Bobby was holding his past and his personal life in a fist as similarly tight as Buck’s.

That was made all the more clear when they found Bobby passed out in bed beside a bottle of Jack after relapsing. 

As much as both he and Hen wanted to haul Bobby to an AA meeting right then and there, they were both due at the station for a shift.  Knowing Bobby was out of commission, they knew they had to go so they wouldn’t leave the shift short 3 people. 

Finding out his boss relapsed on his alcohol addiction and holding the man together in the aftermath gets put on the list of things he’s currently trying not to think about. It’s right up there with the rest of the scenes from the plane crash that flash in his mind at any given moment. And the way he’s trying not to think about the way he’d gone above and beyond to track down a passenger for Abby only to be met with silence that’s lasted for 3 days. 

But he figures if he’s going to do this job long term, which is the goal, he needs to practice this. He is going to have to practice compartmentalizing things away in his head for later so he can focus on what’s happening in front of him when the bell rings. 

So of course, with his luck, the shift is oddly calm. 

They get very few calls, most of them only needing medical response, which means just the ambulance leaves the station, and he has nothing to focus on in the meantime. 

So Buck falls back on what he knows he can do to distract himself and soon enough he’s cleaned his way through the locker room, the loft, and the bunk room. Hen finds him towards the end of the shift, his headphones blocking out her approaching footsteps as he’s knelt inside the oven, scrubbing out the buildup of baked on crumbs and grease. 

“Hey Buck,” she calls, and he narrowly misses smacking his head on the inside of the oven when he jerks. 

“Hey, Hen,” he breathes out, turning to look up at her in question. “You alright?” 

She shrugs at him before she leans against the countertop, snagging a snack bar from the basket.  

“Was gonna ask you the same question. You piss somebody off or something? Why have you scoured the entire firehouse today?” 

He pulls a face and relaxes slightly, knowing he didn’t miss the bell or something happening to her on her call. He shifts around to get his knees out from under him so he’s sitting with his back against the cabinets and his legs stretched out in front of him as pulls the rubber gloves off his hands. 

“I didn’t piss anyone off. I just, I needed to keep my hands busy,” Buck shrugs. “Easier to clear my head when I clean.” 

Hen gives him an understanding look and nods. 

“I get that. It’s been an intense week. It’s been intense for me, and I’ve been doing this for a few years; it’s still only been a few months for you. I’d say schedule a visit with the trauma counselor but I don’t think you’re quite ready for that yet.”

“Not quite,” he agrees with a wry grin. 

“But you can talk to me. Whenever you’re ready.” 

“I’ll probably take you up on that but not on shift if that’s okay?” He questions because it’s one thing to support him at work, it’s another to offer to do it outside of work. 

“Yeah, that’s fine, Buckaroo,” she answers with a soft smile down at him. 

“We get outta here at 10 today, maybe I could come over before Denny gets out of school?” 

“Works for me,” she agrees and goes off to find her own distraction until the next time the bell rings. 

That’s how he ends up at the Wilson household with takeout for lunch in one hand and his tool bag in the other. 

“What, you gonna keep cleaning here too?” Hen greets him. “I’m not gonna stop you, but I thought we were gonna talk?” 

Buck shrugs but smiles, “Thought it’d be easier if I could keep my hands moving while I talk it out. I noticed your shower head is wonky in the spare bathroom, and your kitchen sink is dripping so,” he lifts the tool bag and she backs out of the doorway to let him in. 

She takes the food from him and goes to the kitchen and he goes right for the spare bathroom. He methodically sets out the tools he knows he needs and gets to work. He can hear Hen come back with her plate of food and stand in the doorway, but she waits him out. It takes him 10 minutes of quiet before he starts talking, and then it’s like a tap has been turned on. 

He talks about how he is still a little haunted by the kid who let go of the roller coaster as he fixes the shower head. 

Buck talks about meeting Abby over the phone and not knowing if he gained a friend or is building a relationship while he works on the kitchen sink. 

They both share how they felt at the plane crash, and how worried they’d been for Bobby while he gently works on a stuck window. 

Denny comes home from school but happily settles in his bedroom for some time with his video games as Buck and Hen make a plan to support Bobby if he lets them. 

By the time Karen comes home from work and finds Buck making stir fry in her kitchen, Buck has also: dusted and reversed the direction of the ceiling fans, replaced several burnt out lightbulbs, put all the clean dishes away, re-started the dishwasher, checked on what was making a squeaking noise in the clothes dryer, and has the part ordered to fix it. 

“What is this?” She asks with a smile as she smells his cooking and sets her bags down. “Sweet and sour chicken?” 

Buck nods but Hen explains for him. 

“Buck wanted to talk some stuff out after work today and has paid us back for letting him come over with some unexpected handyman services and dinner.” 

“Handyman services? What qualifies you to fix stuff around a house?” Karen asks, looking a little worried at the prospect and Buck is quick to reassure her. 

“I worked a lot of odd jobs after I left home - spent some time working home construction and from there worked for a plumber for a while.” 

“I’m learning our Buckaroo here is like a sponge. He absorbs all the information he possibly can from what’s happening around him,” Hen defends him further.  

Karen doesn’t look convinced, but Hen presses a kiss to her lips and wraps an arm around her shoulders. 

“Don’t worry babe; he didn’t touch anything electrical, and he was very methodical.” 

“I didn’t do anything a rocket scientist couldn’t undo,” he says with a wink and keeps stirring the food. “Just had the time and needed to keep my body moving while I worked through some stuff.” 

Karen finally relents, lifting her hands in surrender. 

“Fine, fine. Thank you, Buck,” she says smiling at him genuinely. “Where’s Denny?” 

“Doing his homework,” Buck answers before he thinks better of it. “I may have agreed to a round or two of Mario if he finished it before dinner was ready.” 

“Wow. So you fix stuff, you clean, you cook, and you get kids to do their homework? When can you move in?” Karen asks while Hen cackles, and Buck just blushes. 

Buck is already getting a head start on his chore list for the shift when Hen walks up the steps to the loft and makes a beeline for him looking tense and still a little peeved. Honestly, given how their last shift ended, Buck had expected Hen to avoid him like the plague today. He should have known she wouldn’t let the argument go, he was in the wrong after all. 

He stops wiping the counter and takes a deep breath, ready to apologize again if it means they can have a normal day. 

“Hen, I’m s-“

Hen waves him off and he stops mid-word in confusion. 

“I was made aware that I may have overreacted.” 

Buck doesn’t think that’s quite right; if his actions were bothering her, she needs to honor those feelings. 

“No, you didn’t, I didn’t ask if what I was doing was okay-“ 

“See but I’ve been told you shouldn’t have had to ask, that if I’d had siblings I would have understood right away.” 

Buck is very confused now. 

“I was venting to Karen when I got home, told her all about how you would go from teasing me one minute to hugging me the next. How you punched that homophobic guy at the karaoke bar but still came back to the booth and gave me a nuggie when you know I hate it. And she said ‘he’s acting like a little brother,’” Hen explains, and Buck suddenly gets it. 

“And since you never had one of those, you thought I was just being a weird jerk at times,” Buck guesses, and Hen finally seems to relax her shoulders, quirking a smile at him. 

“Right. Which tells me,” she says, pointing at herself. “That you have been a little brother to someone before. Don’t think we haven’t noticed you don’t talk about where you grew up or your family,” she tells him, giving him the side eye as she does which just makes him roll his eyes. Yeah, he knows he hasn’t told them much, he’s been working on it though. “Just like, knowing you aren’t also an only child might have helped me figure out what was going on a little faster.” 

“Sorry,” he says again, because he is sorry he was actually irritating her and not just, like, horsing around with his friend who he might see as a sister here. 

“That’s it? You’re still not going to tell me?” She presses when he doesn’t say anything else and Buck huffs a sigh and tosses the rag he’d been using in the sink. 

“Fine! I’ll tell you , okay? I have an older sister, Maddie. We grew up in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Yes, that Hershey,” he interjects, rolling his eyes again when Hen’s eyes go wide in excitement (Karen loves chocolate). “My parents,” he starts and immediately stops again. “Maddie used to say they were good people; they just weren’t very good parents.” 

When Buck doesn’t continue, and just stares off into the rafters of the loft, Hen comes around the island counter and stands next to him, presses her shoulder to his side for a moment before pulling back and he takes a deep breath. 

“I always thought that assessment was being generous, but they were different with me after she left with Doug for college, and I don’t know how they were when she was little, before I was born.” 

He really hopes Hen doesn’t ask for more, he doesn’t feel like opening that particular Pandora’s box any further this morning. 

“Where is Maddie now?” She asks instead and Buck turns to lean against the counter so they’re standing side by side, and so the rest of his coworkers milling around the loft don’t see whatever emotions cross his face when he answers. 

“Last I knew she was still in Pennsylvania, but, I haven’t heard from her in a while,” Buck admits quietly, not looking at Hen when he says it. 

He tries not to think about this, is the thing. He tried for so long to stay in touch, to be a lifeline to her when Doug started cutting her off from her friends and even some of their colleagues at the hospital. He still sends her a Christmas card every year, and he sent her a postcard when he graduated from the fire academy. But if he thinks about his sister, trapped and almost definitely unhappy with her controlling husband? When he can’t do anything to help her? No, that hurts his heart too much, squeezing it until it feels like it might burst from the pressure. It makes him feel so damn useless it leaves him wanting to do something stupid like swing an ax at a wall that had a baby stuck in it just to prove he’s not. 

Maddie had always protected him when they were kids. Whether it was the random stray dog that ran up on them at the park or patching him up after he fell out of a tree or even scaring the shit out of some bullies when he was in middle school. She had always been there when he needed her. He hates that he can’t be there for her now, that he had to leave her and the whole damn state behind just to feel like he could breathe. Let alone for him to feel like he could figure out who he is as a person. 

“It’s been almost 3 years,” he adds, just as softly. 

“Did something happen? Did you get in a fight or something?” She prods and Buck shakes his head. 

“No, she just. She’s married to this guy, Doug. I never liked him; he gave me the creeps as a kid, and there was this moment, at their wedding. It was like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde moment but it was so fast, I don’t know if it really happened or I just imagined it. They toasted with these real fancy wine glasses, and Maddie’s glass chipped a little bit. Something in his face just, shifted and he looked,” Buck trails off, shaking his head and feeling a little insane trying to describe it. “Anyway, I think it’s partly his fault, is my point, but one day out of nowhere I just... stopped getting responses. She wouldn’t answer my texts and ignored my calls. I called the hospital where she worked, and they assured me she was working and alive, but I still never heard from her.” 

Hen leans into him, her shoulder pressing into his arm and Buck has to take some deep breaths so he doesn’t burst into tears right there in the kitchen. Now that he’s talking about her, he realizes how much he misses his sister. He has needed her to be there for him and not being able to trust that she’d answer his call was more disorienting than any drink or drug he’s ever experienced. He misses the way she could pull him out of any funk his brain went into. He misses having someone to curl up on the couch with who was more than happy to overindulge in junk food and watch The Lord of the Rings with him. He misses the way she’d catch him before he could make a mistake he wouldn’t be able to come back from. 

“Do you think he -” Hen starts to ask but she doesn’t finish the question. 

“I try not to think about it,” Buck admits a little shamefully. “Especially now that I’ve seen the aftermath of people being in abusive relationships and what that can turn into, how we get involved.” 

He takes a shuddering breath before he scrubs both hands up and down his face a couple times then he leaves them there, covering his eyes. “I can’t stand to think he’s doing that to her when I can’t do anything to get her out except keep letting her know I will do anything she needs me to. If she’s not ready or doesn’t see how wrong this is, nothing I do or say is going to be helpful.” 

He’s a little surprised when he feels both of Hen’s arms wrap around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder as she embraces him. 

“I’m sorry, Buckaroo,” she whispers and he nods, leans his head down to rest against hers, hands dropping from his face so he can return the hug. “You can give me one nuggie a week, okay? No repercussions.” 

Buck sniffs but laughs lightly. 

“From now on, I’ll wait for you to tap me in before I punch anymore bigots,” he offers and she snorts as she gives him another squeeze and lets go. 

“You know there are other perks to having a little brother,” he tells her, trying to lighten the mood.

“What’s that?” she asks skeptically. 

“Oh lots of things! Free babysitting, a built in designated driver, if you and Karen ever move I’ll be there to do the heavy lifting. AND, even if we’re all hungover, I will always be down for brunch,” he finishes and grins wide when she gives him a real laugh in response. 

It’s nothing like Maddie’s laugh, but he gets the same satisfaction from prompting it that he used to with her. He’s missed having someone in his corner, someone he can be affectionate with in a completely platonic way, someone he can help when they need it. He hadn’t meant to turn his friendship with Hen into this, but if Hen is willing, he’s going to embrace it.

Eddie Diaz is very comfortable with finding his place on a new team. He joined the Army out of high school and was discharged at 25. Having over 7 years of service to his name means he’d been the new guy or dealt with new guys coming into the team many, many times. Because of that, he knows how to handle pretty much anyone’s attitudes towards him. 

There’s always at least one leader involved - someone grateful for the added staff, but cautious about the fit. Then there is more than likely going to be a ‘lifer’ - someone happy for a fresh face, who thinks they’ll be around longer than anyone else so they might as well be civil with everyone. 

There will hopefully be one or more optimists - the ones who manage everyone else’s reactions so the new person starts off on the right foot because they also are just happy to have another person on the team. 

Most people fall into the indifferent category but there’s always the chance for at least one person falling into the final attitude type: the angry one. The person who doesn’t handle change well and reacts accordingly. The person who’s on thin ice with the boss, or is being transferred out, or a bigot who is prejudiced against the newbie for one reason or another.

Eddie has barely finished getting his new uniform on in the weird glass-walled locker room before he’s met the first 3 types of coworkers. Bobby (the leader) walks into the room as Eddie’s buttoning his shirt to make introductions. He makes sure to introduce Eddie right away to two of the paramedics on his new shift: Howard “Chimney” Han (the lifer) and Henrietta “Hen” Wilson (the optimist). 

Movement in the corner of Eddie’s eye has him turning to look out the glass wall towards the engine bay, and his stomach does a weird little flip flop at the sight of a tall, broad blond man standing there watching the locker room with a little pinched furrow between his eyebrows. 

It’s just Eddie’s luck that the angry one also has to be absolutely beautiful. 

“That’s Buck,” Hen’s voice says over his shoulder, and he finally tears his eyes away from the other man. “We may not have a dalmatian, but we do have a Buck,” she says and Chimney snorts. “What? He’s a puppy at heart but he’s going through some stuff so he might not make a great first impression today.” Hen continues, voice a little quieter as the man himself approaches the door and then comes into the room. 

Bobby reaches out a hand as if beckoning “Buck” closer into their little circle. 

“Firefighter Buckley, this is new recruit Eddie Diaz,” Bobby introduces, and Eddie is confused to see the other man try and paste a smile on his face as he approaches. 

“Evan Buckley,” he says and his voice doesn’t match what Eddie expected either as his expression smoothes out from his pinched frown to something that’s almost a friendly smile. Maybe he’s not the angry type? The Angry One™ doesn’t usually even try for friendly. “But I go by Buck.” 

“Buck is kind of our jack-of-all-trades guy,” Bobby continues, clapping a hand on Buck’s shoulder. The tone he uses makes Eddie think Bobby meant that to be a compliment but the way the taller man’s shoulder’s hunch, and Buck seems to fold in on himself, it doesn’t seem to have been taken that way. “He’s a good back-up for Chimney and Hen on the medical side, but he also is our heavy equipment and rescue guy.”  

“Which I’m sure will be light work for a guy like yourself,” Chimney teases with an elbow to Buck’s ribs and oh, there's the frown again. 

“We’ll see,” Eddie laughs lightly, thinking to himself he might need to come up with a new category just for Buck. 

***

Eddie definitely needs a new category for Evan Buckley. Through most of their first two shifts Buck was definitely the angry one. His animosity towards Eddie absolutely screaming that he was insecure in his spot on the team. Then Bobby said something to Buck outside the ambulance, Buck willingly joined Eddie in removing an unexploded ordnance from a history teacher’s leg, and suddenly everything was different. 

When Buck smiled at him? That pleased but kind of embarrassed blush on his cheeks after Eddie complimented him? If they had been in a bar Eddie would have been doing everything in his power to make sure Buck went home with him that night for a couple rounds of fun. Instead he has to settle for a handshake and a new coworker that is now willing to play nice. 

A few days later, Buck joins him at the pinball machine after he’d finished cleaning up from their lunch. 

“Hey man,” Eddie greets but doesn’t look up from the game. He knows he can beat the high score on the machine if he doesn’t get interrupted. 

“Hey,” Buck says and leans against the wall next to the game as Eddie launches the ball back to the top and glances up quickly to get a read on Buck’s tone. But his face doesn’t give anything away that Eddie can read yet. 

“I’m sorry for how I acted those first couple shifts,” Buck admits quietly, making Eddie fumble the control in surprise and the ball clunks to the bottom of the machine. He gives Buck the stink eye and Buck just rolls his eyes in return as Eddie starts the game over. 

“No harm, no foul, man,” Eddie offers with a shrug. “Getting a new teammate is always an adjustment. Trust me, I’ve dealt with worse reactions.” 

Being tied to his cot and having his boots filled with wet sand after he was first dropped into the desert comes to mind. 

“Well, I just wanted to apologize anyway,” Buck says earnestly. “You didn’t deserve that as your welcome to the team.”

“Yeah, well, you sat in that ambulance with me and had my back to deal with a grenade anyway, I’d say that makes up for it,” Eddie explains because that showed him who Buck really was. A man willing to set aside his ego to help someone else, not just the patient but Eddie too, that's someone Eddie wants to work with. And if that good heart is wrapped up in a pretty face, well, at least he’ll have something nice to look at while they work. 

Eddie’s a little surprised Buck doesn’t just let it go after that. He got home from that shift in time to spend a couple hours with Chris before it was time for his son to get some sleep. He just got Chris to stay in his bed for the night and is trying to sift through the papers he’s been given that are supposed to be telling him what to do to get consistent childcare. It might as well be written in Italian for all that he can make sense of it. Eddie’s phone vibrates from beneath the pile, sending a portion of it cascading to the floor and Eddie gives up, snatches his phone, leaves the mess and goes to lay on his couch.

Damn, who hurt this guy? Eddie doesn’t feel like they’ve known each other long enough for that to be his response though. He decides to be as explicitly clear as he can possibly be.

Eddie almost sends the gif of Michael Jordan saying “stop it” but again, new friend. Still feeling out how he texts. The little bubble pops up immediately that Buck is typing a response and Eddie waits, exasperated for whatever he’s going to say next.

Eddie huffs a quiet laugh before sending another text.

Eddie laughs again and leaves the messages app, sets his alarm for the morning and twists on the couch to watch an episode of something to help him fall asleep. 

His first week as a probationary firefighter was definitely an interesting one. 

He’s met everyone on his shift and most of the people on the other shifts already and it’s felt very similar to what he was used to in the Army. The number of people, the variety, the easy comradery everyone shares when you’re 30 hours into a 24 hour shift and running on instinct and coffee. He’d expected more differences, when he stops to think about it, assumed a civilian team would by default be more different than the same compared to the military. 

The big thing that jumps out at him as a difference, other than the food, is the idea that there are a lot of people who consistently work in partnership with another firefighter or paramedic. It’s not just Hen and Chim, it’s all over the firehouse. Eddie trusts Bobby’s leadership, he hasn’t been given a reason so far to doubt him, so he’s willing to see how this partnership with Buck plays out.

Eddie’s been tense for hours. It feels like he’s been clenching his jaw since the moment the earthquake really started while he was under the ladder engine in the station. He’s experienced earthquakes before in EP. He even felt one when he was deployed in Afghanistan. They were small, little things that didn’t wreak the kind of havoc and chaos that a 7.1 did in LA today. 

As they drove towards the half-toppled hotel, Eddie had been thinking to himself that his parents were right after all. How could he do a job where, in an emergency, he can’t immediately go to his son, but has to help everyone else? Buck had caught on to his discomfort after Eddie had checked his phone for the 10th time in the 5 minute ride away from the station. 

It shouldn’t have helped. Buck doesn’t have kids, he ‘loves’ them apparently, but he’s not a parent that Eddie knows of. He doesn’t know what it’s like to worry about your kid. He definitely doesn’t know the nuances of worrying about a kid with cerebral palsy. But somehow, Buck’s reassurances in the truck, Hen’s determination outside the hotel, and Buck’s facts about the school’s reinforcements do help. 

It helps him stay focused as they save Ali in the aftershock, as they save Batari on an ironing board, as they dig Hen out of the rubble. Then Buck’s telling him they have cell service and finally, finally, he sees a text from Christopher’s teacher telling Eddie that he’ll stay at the school with him until Eddie can get off shift. The ride back to the station is a blur, his only thoughts being how he’s going to get to Chris when the roads and traffic are such a mess. It’s not until he’s standing outside the station in his civies, seeing his truck is blocked in by someone else’s car, that the world snaps back into focus. 

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice is yelling to him and Eddie turns back towards the station to see what he forgot. But Buck is in a silver Jeep, passenger window rolled down and waving Eddie over. 

“Come on,” Buck yells again and Eddie jogs over to him but hesitates outside the door of the vehicle. “Come on, let me help get you back to your kid. Who knows when that person will get back and I bet I can get you there faster anyway. You’re like, super spaced out right now.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes but gives in, the thought of getting to Chris as fast as possible motivates him. 

“Yeah, fine. Let me grab his seat,” Eddie says, tossing his bag through the open window and jogging back over to get the booster seat out of the back of his truck. 

Once he gets back and is settled on the passenger side with his seatbelt on, Buck takes off. 

“Okay, which elementary am I headed to,” Buck asks and Eddie manages to tell him before he’s back to watching his phone for any new messages from the teacher. 

Buck is true to his word, and in no time, Eddie is running up the sidewalk towards the school and pulling Chris into his arms for a hug. Fuck he was worried about his kid. He thanks the teacher profusely, and it’s only as he turns to go back outside that it hits him. 

He’s going to introduce Buck to his son. 

And he has absolutely zero idea how that is going to go. 

“Where’s your truck, dad?” Chris asks, and Eddie resituates his kid on his hip before he answers. 

“It got blocked in at work, kiddo. One of the guys I work with gave me a ride so I could come get you as fast as I possibly could,” he says the last with his free hand tickling Chris around the chin, his neck to get him to laugh.

He doesn’t know what to say next though. Doesn’t know how to prepare him for meeting Buck. Most adults meeting his kid vary from polite indifference, to treating Chris like he’s 2, from blatantly ignoring Chris to being openly irritated. Buck said this morning he loves kids and Eddie hasn’t seen any proof to suggest that that isn’t true. But still, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. 

Eddie opens the door to the back seat and Buck is already turned back to them with a wide smile as Eddie shifts Chris around to get settled in his booster and buckled in. 

“Hey you must be Christopher,” Buck says, excited and energetic like he wasn’t also just on the shift from hell. Buck reaches back to get a fist bump from Chris while Eddie is getting back in the front seat. “My name is Buck; I work with your dad.” 

“Are you a firefighter too?” Chris asks and Buck nods, genuine smile still in place. 

“Yeah I am! Are you one too? Is that what this place is?” 

Chris giggles loudly before answering. 

“No , Buck…that’s my school.” 

“You’re still in school?? I can’t believe it.” 

Chris’s laughter peters off, and Buck casts a glance at Eddie before he gets a more serious look on his face. Eddie’s not sure what the quirked eyebrow is asking him but he thinks he can trust Buck so he nods, willing to risk whatever Buck is going to say next.

“You had, like, the world's longest day at school today, buddy. You doing okay? I know when I felt my first earthquake I was pretty scared.” 

“That wasn’t…the first one for me.” 

“No way!” 

“We had one…when dad was gone…and I was with Aubelo and…and Nana.” 

“So you’re a professional earthquake rider then. Dang Eddie, why didn’t you tell me!” 

“Must have slipped my mind,” Eddie says with a smile first for Buck then back at Chris.  

“Well even professionals can get scared,” Buck counters. “What do you say Chris, you gonna be alright back there or do you want your dad to come sit with you while I drive?” 

“I’m okay,” Chris answers, and Eddie knows he means it just from his tone. He doesn’t seem as unsettled as Eddie expected him to be. Eddie’s going to have to send that teacher the biggest thank you. “I am hungry though.” 

“Oh well, we can’t have that! I bet we can find a McDonalds on the way to your house.” 

Buck turns back around still looking at Eddie with uncertainty like he didn’t just navigate the hell out of introducing himself to a 7 year old, checking to make sure he was comfortable, and then offering to stop at his favorite spot. Not even Chris cheering from the backseat wipes the look off Buck’s face until Eddie is nodding with the same smile on his face from before. 

“I guarantee we can find one,” Eddie says and pulls his phone up to put his address in Google Maps for Buck to follow. 

The entire ride back to their house, Buck doesn’t stop chatting - not just with Eddie but with Christopher - the whole way along. Not only does it keep his kid from nodding off in the backseat but it pulls details about his day out of him that not even Eddie manages when he gets home from shifts and tries to do the same. By the time they pull up in front of the place Eddie rents, Buck and Christopher are well on their way to being the best of friends. 

“Dad, can I show Buck my Legos?” Chris asks as soon as the Jeep is in park, and Buck turns halfway in his seat, waiting for Eddie’s answer. He looks like if Eddie said yes he’d be more than happy to be shown Chris’s small Lego collection. But Eddie can also see how tired he is, how he’s been stifling yawns while Chris has been doing the opposite in the backseat. Chris only really finds this second wind out of fear that he might miss out on something if he falls asleep in the car. 

“Not tonight, buddy,” Eddie decides, and Buck shrugs but nods like he’s trying to say he’s up for whatever Eddie wants but really it just looks like a weird full body wiggle given how tired Buck is. “But maybe we can see if Buck wants to come over the next weekend we’re not at work?” Eddie asks, because if the last 30 minutes are any indication, Buck would probably enjoy it as much as Christopher. 

“Sure! I’ll come back when we’re both not quite so tired,” Buck assures Chris with a wink, but his son still sighs, exasperated. 

“Fine,” Chris allows and gets his seatbelt unbuckled so Eddie gets out of the front, a little surprised Buck gets out too. They just established he wasn’t coming in. Eddie doesn’t have to wonder long when Buck reaches in the backseat for Eddie’s duffle and Chris’s backpack so Eddie can get Chris and the seat. Chris lays his head on Eddie’s shoulder, yawning again as they walk up to the front door. 

“Night, Christopher,” Buck says as he puts the bags down while Eddie fishes his keys out of his pocket. “It was nice to meet you.” 

“Night, Buck,” Chris mumbles into Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie turns to smile at Buck. 

“Thanks, Buck,” he says gently and Buck nods as he backs away, back towards the Jeep. 

“Anytime.”

Buck’s just finished buttoning his jeans when he hears his phone vibrate where it’s laying on his nightstand charging while he showered. He’s not totally refreshed from his post-shift nap but he promised to help Eddie, so he got up earlier than he would have liked, showered and should still have time to grab a coffee on his way. He checks his phone and finds a text waiting from the man himself. 

Buck laughs, knowing it's not that Eddie really thinks so little of Buck that he'd forget their plans he's just stressed about this whole thing, and types out a quick response.

Eddie's reply is quick and short and completely unsurprising.

Buck pockets the phone and trots down the steps from the loft to the main floor of his apartment to get his shoes on. Making his way to the Jeep he feels his phone buzz again, and this time Buck does roll his eyes when he sees another text from Eddie confirming he knows where he’s going. They’re just getting his Abuela home from the hospital and Buck knows for a fact that Tia Pepa has everything under control. Eddie is getting Isabel, Buck is getting Christopher and Tia Pepa is at the house re-stocking with essentials and getting the final touches set up. It’s not all that complicated. 

But, he knows Eddie’s stressed so he obliges, responding with an affirmative on the plan and takes off for the coffee shop. 

It’s a solid hour later that he pulls the Jeep onto the street where Isabel lives with two cups of coffee and Christopher in the backseat with a lemonade. 

“Ready, Superman?” He asks, catching Chris’s eyes in the rear view mirror. 

“Let’s do this,” Chris answers with a nod, and Buck grins at him as he parks. 

As Buck gets Chris steady on his crutches, Eddie pulls into the driveway. Perfect timing. Buck walks with Chris towards the house, watching Eddie park and immediately hop out of the truck to get to the passenger door. Buck never met Eddie’s Abuela when she was in the hospital, he just met Pepa in the waiting room. 

He’s prepared for her to only pay attention to finally being back at her own home, possibly her great-grandson who shines brighter than even the California sun. He’s not expecting her to shoo Eddie away from helping her once she’s steady on her feet and to look up at Buck in surprise. 

“Aye, Eddito, tu nuevo amigo es lindo,” she says quietly but Chris giggles and Eddie rolls his eyes in exasperation. 

(Eddito, your new friend is nice looking.)

“Abuela,” he pleads, grabbing her bag from the backseat. 

“¿Qué? Es muy guapo,” she argues back with a wave at Buck, and Buck can’t help but respond in kind. 

(What? He is very handsome.)

“Aye señora, para, deja de hacerme sonrojar,” he tells her and watches as both she and Chris smile wider. 

(Ma’am, stop it, you’re making me blush.) 

“You speak Spanish?? Since when?” Eddie demands urgently and Buck snaps his eyes to his friend who looks equal parts shocked and confused. 

“Aprendí cuando tenía veinte años y trabajé en la construcción,” he answers, not quite as smoothly as he once could have, but he is out of practice. He’s not close with anyone at work who speaks Spanish regularly so he’s a little rusty.

(I learned when I was 20 years old and worked in construction.)

“Mi nombre es Evan Buckley, señora, pero me gusto que me llamen Buck. Tienes una casa preciosa,” he tells Abuela as they walk up to the front door, her hand resting on his offered elbow while Eddie trails behind them all. 

(My name is Evan Buckley, ma’am, but I prefer to be called Buck. You have a lovely home.)

“¿Puedo llamarte Evanito?” She, asks and Buck can’t help but flash a delighted grin back at Eddie who seems to have moved past his shock and is smiling warmly at him. 

(May I call you Evanito?)

“Si, Señora,” he answers as they make it to the front door. “Pero, permíteme ayudarte a entrar.” 

(Yes, ma’am. Now, let me help you inside.) 

From there the novelty of the tall white boy speaking Spanish wears off as they get Abuela settled. As he isn’t familiar with the house or what else he should be doing, Buck decides the best place for him is in the living room with Chris and Abuela while Eddie and Pepa continue to move around the house. Chris and Abuela catch up, in a mix of Spanish and English Buck mostly follows. After a while, Eddie joins them, sitting on the same couch as Buck so he has the full view of Isabel and Christopher on the other one, but he leaves space between them. 

Still, it’s nice; the Diaz family making him feel like he belongs there on the couch in the cozy living room with them. He didn’t grow up with grandparents around - hell, he barely had parents around. He has no idea what his parents’ parents would have been like. 

But he knows they wouldn’t have had the welcoming nature Isabel has, or the fond smiles she shares with Eddie and Pepa over Christopher’s head, or the gentle, loving teasing she bestows on them all. 

In the end, Buck is grateful there wasn’t a language barrier on the evening. He’s not sure his heart would feel quite so full and warm driving back to his loft if he hadn’t been able to understand the Diaz family in their native language. Maybe Isabel wouldn’t have pulled him right into her house and would have let him leave as soon as he dropped off Chris. Maybe Pepa would’ve made something other than pozole that wouldn’t have been as delicious or satisfying. So he’s grateful for a moment that 19-year-old Buck ended up on a construction site when his Jeep ran out of gas and he needed a paycheck for every day he worked. And that the guys he was working with helped him learn more than just the job, but their language as well.

When Buck gets to work the shift after they find the hiker on the cliff side, he immediately knows he’s going to spend the next 12 hours being teased. There are ghosts absolutely everywhere in the station. There’s a ghost garland, ghost window stickers, ghost shaped string lights, ghost figurines, and so, so many pumpkins carved like ghosts. With a quick eye roll he goes to the locker room to change and brace himself for whatever the loft looks like too. 

Bobby is there in the kitchen with a shit-eating grin on his face. Hen and Chim are there as well, snacking while they wait for Bobby to finish breakfast. Almost all of the rest of their shift is milling around as well except for Eddie and a couple others who haven’t gotten in yet. 

“Station looks great, Cap,” Buck says, innocently as he approaches the kitchen counter. “Any news on the hiker? Is he going to make a full recovery?” 

“Yeah,” Hen answers, “they air-lifted him to a level-1 trauma center and I heard he made it through surgery.” 

“Awesome. He sure got lucky someone called it in,” Buck baits with a guileless grin. 

“Someone, right,” Chim says, obnoxiously snapping his gum. 

“Someone like, a ghost?” Bobby prompts, and Buck rolls his eyes at all of them. 

He understands everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and that his friends’ might not match up to his. The thing is between where he grew up and where he traveled, he’s seen a lot and been taught even more. The idea that something not quite normal occurred is simply an option he’s willing to consider. 

“We found his phone still at the top of the cliff! The call recording was just Maddie talking to static. I’m just saying, it’s a possibility,” he tries to explain calmly even as his friends snicker. 

“That a ghost called 9-1-1,” Bobby teases while Hen and Chim try to contain their laughter.  

“Yes!” Buck insists, exasperated already, rolling his eyes. 

“The ghost of the other hiker who’s remains you found?” 

“Maybe,” Buck answers with a shrug, because again, it’s at least a conceivable explanation. 

“Okay, well should we see if he can call again and tell us his name and how he died? Oh! Maybe we should go back out there with an ouija board!” Chim suggests and Buck feels himself go a little pale. 

“No! Absolutely not.”

“Wait so you believe in ghosts but an ouija board is too much?” Bobby questions, still more amused by this than Buck thinks it’s worth. It’s nice to see Bobby smile though, even if it is at Buck’s expense. 

“Yeah, sure, I believe in ghosts but that doesn’t mean I want to mess with them,” Buck explains quickly. Honestly, it’s like these people have never watched a horror movie before. 

Hen comes over and pinches his cheek obnoxiously with a grin. 

“Aww you do know how to mind your business! I’m actually very proud,” she tells him as Buck rubs at his face after she releases him and walks away. Bobby and Chim look absolutely confused now while Eddie appears to be unbothered as he leans against the counter, eyeing the breakfast Bobby is putting the finishing touches on. 

“Guys, you know I grew up in Pennsylvania,” Buck tells them to justify his position on this but their expressions don’t change.

“I don’t follow the significance,” Chim admits. 

“The Appalachian mountains are in Pennsylvania,” Buck explains further. 

“Yes, okay, and?” Chim asks impatiently. 

“Oh my God,” Buck exclaims, throwing his hands up and rolling his eyes again. “Google is free. Look up ‘Appalachian Mountains at Night’ and maybe you’ll understand why I don’t have any issues believing in things I can’t see or understand. And you'll get why I don’t intentionally try to interact with any of those things,” Buck defends even as Bobby and Chim still look at him incredulously.  

“Eddie, come on, you must have an opinion on this?” Chim asks and Eddie just shrugs. 

“I grew up in far west Texas and was deployed to Afghanistan,” Eddie says flatly as he stands away from the counter and crosses his arms across his chest. 

“Which means?” Chim sighs long suffering and Buck desperately wants to ask how he’s the one that gets made fun of for being the dumb one of the group. 

“Which means , I’ve spent the majority of my life desert-adjacent or in the desert.  Creepy shit happens in the desert. Not fucking with things you don’t understand is how you avoid being the type of person who dies in the horror movie. I survived a war, barely, I’m not about to mess around with anything else that could even possibly take me away from my son,” Eddie explains.

“Plus, isn’t there a super haunted school in El Paso too?” Buck asks.  

“We’re not gonna get into that,” Eddie says with a shudder and starts walking away from the island towards the table to eat. 

Buck turns to walk with him, leans a shoulder into Eddie’s and leans over a little so Chim can’t hear.  

“We will never mention La Llarona to either of them, right?” He asks quietly. If Bobby and Chim are reacting like this just about ghosts in general, Buck doesn’t even want to consider what they might do if they knew about the vengeful spirit. 

“Never,” Eddie confirms solemnly and offers Buck his wrist to bump with his own in solidarity. 

As they all sit down to eat, Chim is still giving Buck a stupid grin that Buck only understands once Bobby has set a plate in front of him.  

His omelet is in the shape of a ghost. 

It’s gonna be a long shift.

They’re packing up the rigs to go back to the station after a quick call to a residence near the marina. Someone called in their neighbor for (safely) deep frying a turkey in their driveway when the call came through from dispatch. A driver lost control, and the vehicle is in the water. Bobby responds immediately that they’re en route, and everyone dives inside the vehicles as they take off. Buck has already shed all of his turnout gear as they roll up to the incident despite everyone’s confused looks. He makes eye contact with Bobby in the rear view mirror of the engine and just asks, “Cap?” 

Bobby nods his permission, and Buck is off like a shot as soon as the truck comes to something close to a stop and ignores the way Eddie calls his name in question after. Buck’s running, down the sidewalk to the edge of the water where there’s a crowd and a slowly sinking SUV. The chilly November wind bites at his face as he runs but he barely notices it. 

“LAFD,” he yells, “clear a path!”

The crowd of onlookers parts for him and he uses his last step on the pier to push into his dive into the water. There’s one person swimming next to the vehicle but Buck just knows there are kids in that SUV that are trying to get out. He swims as fast as he can, asking the person treading water simply “how many” as he gets close. 

“Two,” she sobs, and Buck takes a deep breath and dives as instinct kicks in fully. 

The car is still sinking, faster and faster as it takes on more water. The water is cold and murky from the disruption the vehicle has made but he pushes through, the rear window is already shattered so he easily rips it off. Then he’s crawling through the space and sees the 2 kids, no older than Christopher, that are still buckled into their seats in the 2nd row, their eyes wide in panic. Buck is just grateful they’re still conscious, even if they pass out now it won’t be long before they get to the surface. He fumbles his knife out of his pocket and slices through both seat belts. 

He’s out of practice, and he’s already running short on air. 

Figure it out, Buckley. He can still hear his instructor yelling, and he grits his teeth, grabs the kids, and starts to work himself out of the vehicle, one kid under each arm. 

He’d be faster if he did it one at a time so he had an arm free to help their ascent, but there’s no way he’s dropping either of them at this point. He kicks for the surface with all his strength even as the edges of his vision go a little gray. He can see familiar navy blue pants and bright yellow life vests on two people swimming above him so he knows Bobby sent someone else in to get the mom and help Buck if he didn’t surface fast enough. When he gets close enough he shoves the kids up towards those navy uniforms and claws his own way to the surface to draw in a ragged breath.  

As soon as he can see he’s looking to make sure his teammates have the kids. Johnson and Sanchez have one each and are already swimming for the pier’s edge. 

Buck hears someone yell his name, but he needs a moment to catch his breath, get his bearings in order, and make sure he doesn’t need to dive again. 

“Buckley!” Bobby yells a second time and Buck looks up at the pier to find his captain. 

“Yeah?” He yells back. 

“All clear!” 

Buck doesn’t quite have his breath back enough to yell again, so he gives Bobby a thumbs up in return and starts to slowly swim back to shore. The water’s cold but not so cold that he thinks he’s in too much danger yet. 

Eddie clearly doesn’t feel the same. Buck’s the last one to reach the edge of the water and he’s barely got a hand on the edge before Eddie is hauling him out of the water. Buck isn’t even fully back on solid ground, and Eddie is yelling at him. 

Normally, Buck can keep his brain from wandering when Eddie touches him, but Buck’s skin is chilled just enough from the water that Eddie’s touch burns as he manhandles Buck out of the water and onto the dock. 

“What were you thinking? Why did you take off alone like that?” He’s asking even as he roughly wraps Buck in a thick shock blanket. It’s a bizarre display of worry and irritation from his friend and Buck just shoots a confused look at Bobby and keeps trying to breathe normally. 

“Bobby, why aren’t you yelling? This feels like a situation where you’d be yelling too,” Eddie continues and Bobby smirks. 

“Buck asked before diving, got permission from me, and seeing as he’s our only firefighter certified for water rescues, I have no reason to yell,” he answers shrugging and then steps forward to get an arm under Buck’s to help him to his feet. 

“I’m okay, I swear,” Buck says, finally feeling like he’s no longer gasping for every breath. But Eddie tugs the blanket more firmly around Buck’s shoulders and continues to frown. “Is the mom okay? Why’d she drive into the water? She wasn’t…drunk was she?” 

Bobby shakes his head and puts his arm around Buck’s shoulders to walk him forward, away from the water and back to their truck.

“Not drunk. She’s diabetic and her glucose levels had dropped while she was driving and she got turned around. Hen and Chim already have her en route to the hospital and both kids were alert and conscious when Johnson and Sanchez handed them over,” Bobby explains as they walk, Eddie trailing behind them. 

Buck sighs in relief once he hears that and the movement dislodges the blanket slightly, but he really doesn’t notice. If he’s worried about anything in that moment, it's that he’s going to have to finish his shift with soggy boots. They don’t have much to pack up or put away from this call so Buck doesn’t argue when Bobby tells him he can wait in the truck out of the wind. Instead, he occupies himself with gathering his discarded turnouts, folding them as neatly as he can while sitting and just waits for the rest of the team to load up. 

Johnson and Sanchez look miserable sitting across from him on the drive back, wrapped in their own blankets and visibly shivering. 

“Cold, guys?” He asks with a grin, and they both flip him off. 

He’s grateful he hasn’t quite lost his tolerance for the cold from growing up in Pennsylvania as he watches the other two bolt for the showers the moment they’ve parked back at the station. Buck shakes his head and goes to hang up his gear, unlaces his boots, and tips them upside down so any water still inside can run out of them while he showers. He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him as he goes through the motions, but he ignores it in favor of getting dry clothes and a couple towels set aside. 

20 minutes later Buck walks up the stairs to the loft in a cozy pair of sweats and a sweatshirt. He happily sits at the table where Bobby is serving some soup he magically procured. 

“You 3 are done for the day,” Bobby says after placing the steaming bowls in front of them. “We’re offline to restock and refuel for the next 30 minutes and then it’ll be shift change. You weren’t in the water that long, but we still don’t need any of you getting sick from this, so take care of yourselves and watch for any signs of infection or hypothermia.”  

They all acknowledge the order and dig in. The hot shower had felt heavenly and even though he didn’t think he’d been all that affected by the cold, Buck finds his spoon clanking against the side of the bowl as his hand shakes. He starts feeling a little tired as the soup settles warm and filling in his stomach, the adrenaline crash from the call hits and the previous 24 hours of work all catching up with him at once.  

Buck isn’t surprised that after their shift ends Eddie bullies him into his truck and announces in no uncertain terms that he’s taking Buck home. He simply lifts his hands in surrender and relaxes into the passenger seat, eyes closing as he gets comfortable in the warm air filling the cab. 

“Don’t you need to get Chris?” He asks after they’ve been driving for a few minutes. 

“No, Abuela and Tia Pepa have him for the night.They haven’t seen him since they got back from Texas,” Eddie explains and Buck hums in acknowledgement. 

“Hey, no sleeping yet over there Buckley. I’m not carrying your ass up to the loft,” Eddie says loudly and Buck opens his eyes again to give him an exasperated look. 

“Eddie, I’m fine-e,” he tries to say firmly, but a shiver wracks his body and undermines it somewhat. 

Eddie rolls his eyes at him, not taking his eyes off the road to glare like Buck knows he wants to and Buck laughs. 

“I will be fine, okay? It was just a little cold water,” Buck reassures calmly. 

“You were in that water for a long time, and I saw the way you were shaking even after the shower,” Eddie argues back and Buck gives up. If Eddie wants to be worried, apparently there’s little Buck can do to ease it except physically prove he’s alright. He thinks he’s almost successful after he makes it all the way up from the truck to his apartment door but his hands betray him again as he drops his keys, and Eddie pushes him out of the way with a stink eye directed at him. 

“Eddie, seriously, I don’t think I’m in any danger,” Buck tries to argue as they walk into the apartment. “I got a little chilled, I’ll admit that, but I’ll warm up! I have blankets!” 

“You told Bobby you’d watch for signs of hypothermia,” Eddie argues as he paces into Buck’s dining space and Buck realizes he has a new problem.

“I know I did, and I will,” Buck reassures again calmly and tries to steer Eddie towards his kitchen. “Currently I am not exhibiting any signs -“ 

“Bullshit, you’re shaky and drowsy, you fumbled your keys,” Eddie continues to disagree, digging his heels in as he refuses to follow Buck’s prodding away from the table. 

“But I am not disoriented, I never got so cold that I stopped shivering, my speech is not slurred, and I do not have any memory loss,” Buck contends. “I will get the thermometer from my first aid kit myself and prove that my body temperature is not in the range where we’d need to be concerned.” 

He’s pointing behind himself towards the closet he stores his med kit in. Eddie huffs at him like Buck is the unreasonable one in this scenario and turns to brace himself on one of Buck’s chairs. He watches Eddie lean in to get a closer look at everything Buck left laid out and Buck tries one last time to divert his friend’s attention. 

“I’ll get it right now, and then we’ll order some food once I’ve proven I am fine, ” he rambles as he walks away. He digs around, finds the thermometer, and sticks it under his tongue to buy himself some time to think. 

Maybe telling Eddie about his project will be good, maybe he’s seen enough of Buck since they started working together for him not to immediately think Buck isn’t smart enough to even try. Maybe it’ll distract him from this weird worrying he’s doing about Buck’s brief afternoon swim. The thermometer beeps at him so he looks down and sees exactly what he expected. One degree below normal. 

“Okay,” he says loudly, walking back towards the kitchen and bracing himself when he sees Eddie has picked up his study guides and is staring at them with brows furrowed in confusion. 

“See, I told you I’m fine, it says right here my body temp is 97°, so I am nowhere near the danger zone, and after I get some more to eat, it’ll be right back where it should be.” 

“What is all this, Buck?” Eddie asks flatly, completely ignoring everything Buck just said. Deciding to let the conversation about him potentially being hypothermic end, even though it means he has to spill a secret he’s been keeping from the team, Buck sighs and explains. 

“I’m studying to take the exams to be an AEMT after Christmas. I want to be able to help more on calls, but I don’t think I want to be a full paramedic.”

Eddie still appears to be confused as he looks at Buck, then the table that’s covered in papers, index cards and test prep books, then back to Buck. 

“Okay,” he says slowly, “okay, but I was here 2 days ago and none of this was here.” 

Buck rubs a hand at the back of his neck and tries not to get embarrassed.

“Yeah I put it away when people come over.”

“Clearly, but I don’t understand why,” Eddie presses and Buck sighs again and steps closer to collapse in one of the chairs across from Eddie. 

“It’s just something I wanted to do for myself,” Buck offers as an explanation but Eddie isn’t satisfied. 

“But we could help you study for it, I would help you study,” he argues, dropping the papers back on the table, but Buck waves that off easily. 

“Nah, that’s not how I learn the best. It’s not like I had you guys when I was studying for the ASVAB and-“ 

“Wait what?” Eddie interrupts, dropping into a chair across from Buck, leaning forward, eager for answers. “You took the ASVAB? When? And why? What was your score?

“Which of those do you want me to answer first?” Buck asks in response, laughing gently at Eddie’s short attention span right now. He really must be tired; normally it’s Buck who is jumping from topic to topic so quickly. 

“What did you score on the ASVAB?” 

“Does it really matter? I scored well enough they let me in,” Buck stalls. 

“That’s not an answer, that just means you scored above what? A 31? That’s what I needed for the Army,” Eddie argues. 

“Need a 35 for the Navy,” Buck mumbles as he fidgets with one of his test-prep books. 

“Come on, man. I just want to know!” Eddie demands loudly, exasperated and Buck huffs. 

“A 70. I scored a 70,” he admits without looking up. 

“You mean you answered 70 of the questions?” Eddie asks to clarify.

“My score was that I was in the 70th percentile,” Buck admits quietly.  

“WHAT?” Eddie yells, so startled he stands back up. 

Buck shrugs and starts to collect everything spread across his table into a single pile. 

“It’s not a big deal,” he tries but Eddie will not be deterred. 

“Did you take it in high school to like, find out what you should go to school for?” 

Buck doesn’t answer that right away as he focuses on keeping his papers and notes organized as he collects them. Eddie gives him barely a minute before he’s sitting back down and reaching out a hand across the table to grab Buck’s wrist to stop his nervous movements. 

“Hey,” he says softly, voice quieting from his uncharacteristic yelling, “You know I’m not surprised that you’re smart right? I’m not asking because I don’t believe you. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this.” 

Buck didn’t really think Eddie was reacting with such shock because he didn’t believe Buck could score that well. He knows some of his coworkers would doubt he actually scored that high. Hearing it confirmed from Eddie himself that he doesn’t think Buck is stupid warms him even more than Bobby’s soup did earlier though. Eddie’s the closest friend he’s ever had in his life.  Sometimes Buck thinks he could feel more than friendship towards him honestly, so it’s a bigger relief than he anticipated it would be to know that Eddie understands this part of him. He finally stops fiddling with the papers in his hands and looks up at Eddie. 

“It was a few years ago. I uh, I took it when I tried out for the SEALs,” Buck admits finally and watches Eddie’s expression freeze.  

Eddie releases his loose grip on Buck’s wrist as his brain seems to short circuit. “Okay,” Eddie says and then takes a deep breath. “Okay. So, you were in the Navy?” 

“Uh, I think technically yes but I ultimately didn’t sign an enlistment contract. I didn’t like being made into a robot, so I left after a certain point of the training,” Buck explains. 

“I met a few SEALs in Afghanistan. They were definitely a…different type of human.” 

“Yeah I got that impression too,” Buck tells him. 

They lapse into silence for a few moments as Eddie tries to understand all that Buck just told him. Buck gives him a solid minute before he’s had enough of sitting in his kitchen chairs when there’s a perfectly nice couch or his bed they could be sitting on instead. 

“Listen, as fun as this conversation has been, if you’re staying, can we please order some food and go sit on the couch or something?” 

Eddie snorts and stands from the table to walk into the living room. 

“You’re crazy if you think this conversation is over in any way,” Eddie says as he walks away and Buck just groans as he stands to follow. “I have many, many questions.” 

“First, we order food. I’m thinking pho and spring rolls.” 

They settle in on the couch together, Buck under a blanket at Eddie’s insistence, and get their food ordered for delivery. Buck hadn’t prepared for how he was going to tell Eddie that he’d almost been a Navy SEAL even though he knew that someday it would have to happen. So he just wings it and tells Eddie the story of leaving Pennsylvania with nothing but some clothes, a phone, the laptop his parents had bought for him for college and the Jeep the best he can. He tells him about making it as far as Norfolk and almost getting recruited into the Navy within the week but how he ultimately decided against it and moved on to Virginia Beach until he could save up to get even farther from his parents. 

By the time he’d earned a bachelor’s degree, hit his last growth spurt, and still didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, trying out for the SEALs had been appealing. He had no close friends, no attachments, no career, and he was strong, tall and smart. He was the perfect candidate. Except for the part where it felt like they wanted him to abandon his humanity by training the emotion right out of him. He hadn’t been willing to do that. 

After the food shows up and they’ve both eaten a good portion of their meals, Eddie asks who all knows.

“Maddie knows, I sent her a postcard about it. I told Bobby after a really bad call during my probie year. It hasn’t really come up since then and it’s not like it’s something to brag about. I mean, I ended up quitting.” 

“Did you quit or did you choose to do something else? I think there’s a difference,” Eddie offers, but Buck shrugs because either way it’s not easy to explain so he just…doesn’t. 

“Is that how you became water rescue certified? They saw the SEAL training and called it good?” Eddie asks, but it’s good-natured and gently teasing. 

“No, no, I actually did the certification course for LAFD,” Buck defends all the same. 

“Even knowing that, I’m still shocked how long you were able to be in that water without freezing up. You were just in your uniform, that couldn’t have offered you much protection.”

“I mean, I did survive cold water conditioning and drills,” Buck replies, tucking the blanket around him closer. “And it’s not like we had wet suits or anything for that.”

“Jesus, how far into the training did you get?” 

“Far enough,” Buck answers, with a shrug and picks at the blanket again. 

Eddie unfolds one of his legs and nudges his foot into Buck’s blanket covered knee until Buck looks at him. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you didn’t become a squid,” Eddie admits softly and Buck feels that warmth in his chest grow again as he nods. 

“Me too,” he says with a tired smile. 

He hadn’t anticipated that his shift today would include diving into the marina, and definitely hadn’t been prepared to share so much of himself afterwards. Eddie obviously can see Buck’s exhaustion and lets the conversation end there. Once he’s confirmed Buck’s temperature is back up to a normal 98°F he bundles Buck up the stairs and into his bed. Being fussed over isn’t something Buck is used to anymore but he’s tired enough that he just goes with it. If he indulges in the feeling of Eddie’s hands on him while it happens well, only he has to know about it. 

Buck had set a rule for himself: no studying at work. Being a firefighter meant that he occasionally had continuing education courses and requirements that he had to complete. And while it was for the job, he didn’t want to do the actual learning on the job. Between sporadic calls, the ever present list of chores, the workouts and naps that filled his shifts, it didn’t leave him any real time to focus on the material in a way that he would retain any of it. That’s what he told himself, but that was only part of the reason. 

The other part was he didn’t want to get mercilessly teased about it. 

Buck knows what people assume about him when they meet him. He’s big and strong and blond so of course he’s not the brightest bulb in the box. It doesn’t always bother him to be underestimated. But despite what Chimney might think because of his lack of movie knowledge, Buck isn’t actually dumb. 

He’d dropped out of college in Pennsylvania not because he was failing his classes but because he couldn’t handle being around his parents for another day, let alone however long it would take for him to finish a degree there. 

Sometimes it’s hard to tell what the team thinks about him. They trust him to know what tools to use, to drive the engine without running into any curbs or pedestrians, how to dismantle pretty much anything people end up stuck in when they call for an ambulance to help. But he rarely gets to be part of the brainstorming when they assess the situation on scene, never gets asked if he thinks there’s a better way to do something or if there’s something they’re missing. 

And he knows it’s mostly because he’s still relatively new to the job and a lot of their calls are pretty fast paced so he doesn’t really let it get to him. 

He still doesn’t study in front of them. Eddie finding out he was studying to be an AEMT had been a complete accident but it ended up being for the best. It was actually kind of nice to have even just one person to talk to about what he was spending his free time doing. 

It’s been a slow day, not that any of them would say that out loud, and Bobby has been doing paperwork for the last couple hours. Buck and Hen are at the TV in the loft playing a video game while Eddie, Chim, and the rest mill around playing pool or lounging on the couches. Maddie is even visiting before she goes to her shift, standing comfortably under Chim’s arm, pressed into his side. They’re all mostly occupied when Bobby walks up. 

“Buckley, front and center,” Bobby calls and Buck is quick to respond, abandoning the controller and jogging over. 

“What’s going on, Cap?” Eddie asks before Buck can, and Bobby raises an eyebrow at Eddie and the rest who are obviously all watching, then turns to Buck with a quick smile before schooling his features again. 

“Please take off your shield,” Bobby asks and a flash of anxiety goes through his whole body in the split second between Bobby’s words and his hand moving to pull out a different shield from his pocket. 

“What?!” Eddie cries out, and Buck can hear his pool stick hit the rack the same time he hears another video game controller get tossed on the coffee table. 

“My scores came through?” Buck asks quietly, fingers removing the shield from his uniform and Bobby nods.  

“Firefighter Buckley is now an Advanced EMT and his shield will now reflect that,” Bobby says loud enough for the room to hear. 

A hand grabs Buck’s shoulder, and he doesn’t have to turn to know it’s Eddie, but then he’s getting back slaps and shoves from the rest of his teammates as they barely give him a moment to shake Bobby’s hand. 

Buck’s face hurts from smiling and blushing by the time the cheers settle down and most people have wandered back to what they were doing before. Eddie hasn’t left his side though and Maddie, Hen, Chim, and Bobby also linger, the former obviously curious about the news. 

“When did all this start? I didn’t even know you’d taken the courses!” Hen questions goodnaturedly. 

“Yeah I did the coursework a couple months ago and then when I had that week off I took the exam and did the practical stuff last week between shifts.”

“I remember that exam,” Chim starts and Buck tries not to tense. Of all his coworkers, Chim gives him the most grief for being a dumb blond and it’s gotten kind of old. “You need a 70% to pass, so what’d you score? A 70.1?” 

Chim laughs at his own joke but the most he gets out of the rest of them is a tense smile from Hen, a confused look from Maddie and an eye roll from Bobby. 

“I actually don’t know my score yet, they sent them to Bobby,” Buck admits but he knows he didn’t get a 70. 

“What did you get on that exam, Chimney? I wasn’t here yet when you took it,” Bobby asks. 

“I think I got an 81% if I remember correctly, why?” 

“Buck answered every question within the time and scored a 93% overall,” Bobby says with a shrug, knowing exactly what he just did. 

Chim sputters as Hen cackles next to him while Buck preens slightly, proud of himself not because he beat Chim but because he’d beat the goal he’d set for himself. He gets another clap on the back from Eddie who looks smug when Buck turns to face him. 

“Te dijé,” Eddie sing-songs, hand moving to grasp Buck’s shoulder and giving him a little shake as Buck rolls his eyes and fights off another blush. Tries not to lean too far into Eddie’s side when he stays close to him. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck mutters before Chim interrupts. 

“There’s no way that’s possible, did you cheat Buckley?” 

“Hey!” Buck blurts in response because enough is enough. 

“Chim, lay off,” Hen says shortly. 

“You believe this?” Chim asks the group incredulously. 

“You’re the only one here who doesn’t,” Eddie argues, smugness gone, having been replaced with frustration. “I’ve never understood why you think Buck isn’t smart.” 

“Hold on, hold on, since when do you think my brother is dumb?” Maddie questions her boyfriend immediately, and Buck’s heart warms a little at being defended by his big sister again like when they were kids. 

“You didn’t know Buck 1.0,” Chim argues back to Eddie and Buck rolls his eyes. 

“Come on man, don’t confuse maturity with intelligence. Yeah, I was still figuring shit out when I started here, but I also had a college degree to my name by then too. And before you ask, I graduated with honors.” 

“I’ve seen his transcript, he had a 3.72 GPA,” Bobby confirms easily. 

Chim turns to Hen for support but she shrugs and crosses her arms. 

“Don’t look at me, I already knew he was a smarty pants,” she says to defend him. 

“I can’t believe you think Buck isn’t smart,” Maddie adds, arms still folded across her chest as she stares Chim down. “He speaks three languages for Christ's sake.”

“Three??” Eddie asks in surprise at the same time Chim blurts out an apology. 

“I’m sorry, okay?”

It’s kind of disappointing Chim is probably only saying it to avoid any further ire from Maddie but Buck will take it at this point. “Congrats on earning your new shield,” he continues, stepping warily past Maddie to shake Buck’s hand but Buck pulls him into a hug in retaliation. 

“Thanks,” he mumbles into Chim’s shoulder with a smile and Chim just gives him a good squeeze around the middle before pulling away again. 

“Bobby, did you get a cake or anything to celebrate?” Hen asks, effectively changing the subject while Chim moves over to a still disgruntled Maddie, and Eddie steps closer to put his arm around Buck. 

“Buck asked for it to be a surprise since we didn’t know when the scores would get released so there’s a homemade chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and ice cream in the kitchen for everyone,” Bobby explains and the room cheers again. 

As they make their way to the kitchen, Eddie leaves his arm around him as they walk. It’s warm and comforting and he squeezes Buck once before he asks, “Three languages? What’s the third?”

“Third? I wanna know the second one too,” Hen counters as she’s dishing up a piece of cake for herself. 

“I knew a lot of ASL at one point,” Buck explains to Eddie, “but I haven’t kept up with it so I don’t count it anymore.” 

Eddie looks at him skeptically, and Buck rolls his eyes knowing he’s going to end up needing to somehow prove he’s forgotten ASL or end up with another lecture about his self worth from his best friend. Eddie had let Buck go to sleep that night after the water rescue but had returned the next morning, coffee, pastries, and pep talk at the ready. 

“Hen, I’ve literally spoken Spanish in front of you before. That truck trailer with the people locked inside?” 

Buck watches as recognition hits her so he knows she’s thinking of the right call out. Chim’s taking his turn at the cake to serve himself and Maddie. 

“Wait what truck trailer? Where was I?”

“Rebar coma,” Hen answers around a bite of ice cream and Chim nods in understanding. “I didn’t know that meant you were fluent though, Buckaroo.” 

“That’s fair,” he offers because he honestly can’t think of another time, on shift, where he’s spoken it in front of Hen. 

As everyone breaks off into the usual groups to eat and chat, Buck turns to Eddie and explains about the human trafficking truck driver who’d left people locked in the trailer in 100°F weather. In the end, as his coworkers mill around, eating their cake, there are less of them surprised than Buck honestly anticipated. Most importantly though he feels so relieved to know that Bobby, his captain, wasn’t surprised by Buck’s scores. He knows he had some credibility to claw back after his first few months as a probie. Based on the look of pride Bobby keeps giving him, Buck thinks he maybe was successful in doing so. 

Eddie’s never had a friend like Buck before in his life. Sure he’s had guys in the army he trusted with his life, some guys he trusted with working through the fallout of his divorce, and one friend who he was able to commiserate about his parents with. And yet, none of those people, none of those friendships can hold a candle to what he’s got with Buck. 

He’s also never wanted to shove a person against the nearest wall and kiss them stupid as much as he wants to with Buck. 

There’s nothing Eddie can do about it though, not without risking the best relationship he’s ever had and he’s not about to risk messing up Chris’s relationship with Buck either. 

So he puts on his best poker face and tries to keep everything he’s feeling under wraps. 

The thing is, although Eddie doesn’t really believe in God anymore, and he definitely doesn’t believe the universe speaks to people, something out there definitely has it out for him. 

Because some days Buck reveals a new aspect of himself that makes Eddie fall for him just a little bit further. 

They’re all headed to a medical call at a baseball diamond with a truck and an ambulance because dispatch likes to have them be over rather than under prepared when kids are involved. Eddie feels a little bad for being excited, and to be fair, he’s not excited that someone is injured. 

There’s just something about the crunch of the dirt beneath his boots, the smell of the grass, the sunflower shells scattered on the ground outside the dugout that makes him feel like a kid again. For those few minutes or hours he feels like he hasn’t been to war twice, isn’t a responsible adult with a kid and an ex wife. If he had any spare time in his life he’d probably search out a recreational softball league to get involved in. 

But since “spare time” is not something he currently enjoys having, getting called out to a baseball field to help someone is as close as he gets these days. 

Buck pulls the truck in behind the ambulance, and Bobby tells him right away he should go help Chim and Hen by getting the gurney out and to the kid they can see has been carried off the field and sat in the grass behind the dugout. 

Bobby tells the rest of them to standby so Eddie hops out of the truck and moves to stand next to it so he can be ready but also watch the game for a few minutes. It’s clearly a high school game and based on the score the teams must be pretty evenly matched. In an attempt to be professional he tries to tune back into what’s happening with their patient but gets immediately transfixed by Buck. 

Right as Eddie looks over, Buck is gently helping the player onto the gurney, one hand on his shoulder, one holding his hand. He looks every inch of his 6’ 2” and 200 pounds next to the high school student they’re treating. Hen is on the other side, bracing the patient’s arm and clearly dislocated shoulder as they move him while Chim moves his legs. But the student is distraught to the point that Eddie wonders if there’s more than just a dislocated shoulder affecting them so he tries to hear what’s being said and finds himself drawn in closer to do so. 

“- if they can’t see me play I’ll never get a scholarship and I need that. My parents can’t afford to send me to college, and I don’t want to start my adult life taking out loans.” 

“Whoa hey, slow down, okay,” Buck is soothing, still holding the patient's hand. “There’s what, 30 games in a season right?” 

“Yeah,” the kid croaks. 

“And it’s like, May, right?” 

“You seriously don’t know what month it is, Buck?” Hen interrupts, and Eddie notices she got her supplies ready while Buck was focused on distracting the boy. While Eddie was distracted by Buck too.

“Okay, Isaac, here’s the deal. We’re going to give you some morphine and stabilize your shoulder so you can start to feel a little better while we take you to the hospital. How’s that sound?” 

“Yeah that’s fine,” Isaac answers, voice wobbly. 

Hen administers the painkiller and Eddie’s starting to feel his mask slip a little when Buck doesn’t even flinch when the boy squeezes Buck’s hand so tight his knuckles go white. 

“Okay, let’s give that a chance to kick in,” Hen explains as she takes care of the needle and gives Buck a nod who then starts talking again. 

“So, which game is this one in the season?”

“It’s game 22,” Isaac says, sounding slightly calmer.  

“That means you played over 2/3s of the season, right? Scouts are always at games, buddy,” Buck continues to reassure, his free hand rubbing small circles on the boy’s back to keep him calm. 

“Game 1, game 8, 14, and yes sure game 22. They’ve got lots of game footage they can review too right? Plus, it’s your catching arm. You might even be back in action before the regular season ends!” 

As Buck continues to offer comforting words they all get the kid loaded into the ambulance and Buck has to step back. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” he says loudly, and Eddie can see Isaac nodding in acknowledgement before Bobby closes the ambulance doors and it takes off. Eddie can’t see Buck’s face but he can see the fond, proud look Bobby is giving him. 

“Good job, kid. Let’s get packed up,” Eddie hears him say and watches Buck’s ears go pink. He only realizes he’s staring when Bobby raises an eyebrow at him over Buck’s shoulder and Eddie snaps back into himself and quickly climbs into the engine. 

He’s elbow deep in soap suds and dirty dishes by the time Hen and Chim get back to the station and corner Buck in the kitchen behind where Eddie is working. 

“How did you know all that stuff about high school baseball and the scouts?” Chim asks bluntly. 

“Well, I was scouted in high school,” Buck explains like that’s a totally normal life experience.

“You’re kidding,” Chim says flatly in response and Eddie thinks he’s grateful to be occupied by the dishes because he really doesn’t know what his face is doing just then. The idea of his best friend, the guy he’s falling in love with, playing his favorite sport is something right out of his fantasies. 

“No?” Buck answers hesitantly, sounding unsure. 

“For baseball.”

“Yes.”

“Wow, man, you really hit all the marks: tall, blond, straight white jock. Why are you a public servant again? Why not be a model or an athlete or something?” 

Eddie looks over his shoulder at the 3 of them just then and catches Buck and Hen sharing a look when Chim can’t see them. It’s a look that says Chim’s missing something, that something in that statement is incorrect. He turns back to the sink, and it takes Eddie a minute to parse what they were laughing at. The only piece of that puzzle that could be different than what Chim said is…

It hits Eddie harder than he’d like and he just barely refrains from folding over to rest his hands on his knees and catch his breath at the realization he’s just made. He settles for leaning onto the edge of the counter and shoving his hands deep into the soapy water trying to hide his need for deep breathing as reacting to the heat of the water. 

Buck is. 

Beautiful, big, strong, smart, kind, wonderful Buck isn’t straight. 

Which means he isn’t quite as unattainable as Eddie thought. 

The thought makes Eddie’s heart beat a little faster when he realizes he might have a chance after all. 

“Well it’s pretty tough to play college ball when you drop out of college and end up getting your degree online. And once I stopped, I didn’t know how I’d get back to it but like, as a job,” Buck continues to explain, sounding more relaxed than before. 

Eddie scrubs harder at some stubbornly stuck egg in the big fry pan.  

“What position did you play?” Hen asks curiously and Buck hesitates. 

“I feel like Chim’s gonna make a joke no matter what I answer to that.”

“I don’t know why you would think that at all,” Chim answers with fake innocence, and Eddie can just picture the eye roll Buck gives him as he rinses the pan, stacks it to dry and grabs the next dish. 

“I played 3rd base.”

“Wow, but you’re so tall I’d have put you on 1st.” 

“I wasn’t super tall in high school though,” Buck counters. 

“So, not secretly also a basketball player then,” Chim replies, and Buck hesitates. 

“…I mean…”

Eddie’s brain is starting to fill with static as he starts to tune out the continuing conversation behind him. There’s only so much he can do at once and currently, washing dishes and imagining Buck in a baseball uniform is all he has the brainpower to perform. 

“You don’t have to be tall to be a point guard,” Buck argues, which is apparently all Chim can handle. 

“Oh my god. Why has it taken this long for us to find this out? We could have been using you to win the LAFD charity games this whole time!” 

Chim’s exclamation is the last thing Eddie hears over the white noise filling his ears as he loses the battle to stay in the present. He thinks he keeps washing dishes on autopilot but honestly he’s thinking about Buck, in uniform, on a baseball diamond. 

He’d totally wear the tight pants to show off his ass, his thighs. Eddie can picture the way the jersey would sit snug around Buck’s biceps and loose around his waist. He’d absolutely be the type to wear a chain necklace and just the thought of it peeking out over the top of his collar, of it showing where the top button gets left undone. Eddie can just picture the way Buck would be another inch taller than him in cleats, the way his face would be shadowed by his cap when he would have to look down at Eddie. 

He’d have to lean down to press their - 

Eddie doesn’t startle when he feels a touch to his elbow only because he recognizes the big, gentle hand and knows it’s Buck. 

“Hey,” Buck says quietly, softly, “you haven’t moved in a few minutes. You okay?” 

Buck is speaking softly like his words are just for Eddie’s ears. Which isn’t super helpful because he still has bees buzzing away in there. 

“Are you having a PTSD thing or something?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie answers nonchalantly to the first question before his brain catches up and realizes too late what he just agreed to. Buck’s face in his daydream has cleared away and Buck’s face in reality is pinched and worried. Those big blue eyes of his are looking at Eddie like Eddie canceled a movie night with him and Chris. Before Eddie can say anything else, can deny or clarify or make an excuse, he’s being pulled into a hug and pushed right back out of it so fast he barely got a whiff of Buck’s aftershave. 

“Shit, do hugs even help? Can I hug you right now? Oh my god, Eddie, say something before I actually panic and call Hen over here,” Buck rambles still looking so worried Eddie’s own adrenaline kicks in in response.

Eddie has no choice but to roll with it now because Buck is too worked up; he’ll never believe Eddie if he tells the truth. So he dives back into Buck’s chest for a hug and tries to figure out what lie to use. Because he sure as shit can’t tell him “I didn’t hear what you said; my brain was offline thinking about you in a baseball uniform.” 

His brain is still flashing those tantalizing images across his vision even as he hugs Buck in reality. It takes him a minute but, eventually, he ends the hug and gives Buck what he hopes is a reassuring smile and squeezes his arm when he pulls back. 

“I’m okay man, promise. What’d I miss?” 

Buck eyes him skeptically but allows the deflection while Eddie rinses the sink and dries off his hands.  

“Apparently it’s crucial information that I played sports in high school,” he says with an exasperated look towards where Eddie sees Chim and Hen sitting at a table in the middle of the dining area. 

“When it could lead to the 118 having bragging rights it is!” Chim yells and Buck rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. 

“Oh right, yeah, because they have a charity track and field competition so you just had to know I could run long distances as a teenager .” 

“You ran track too?” Eddie asks because he truly cannot picture that . 

“I only did a couple seasons of it,” he answers with a smirk before mumbling to himself. “Kept me out of the house,” he admits quietly, almost like he’s saying it to himself and not to Eddie so Eddie decides not to push.

“So you’re not going to start running marathons in your spare time?” Eddie teases as he throws an arm around Buck’s shoulders and starts walking them to the lounge area. 

“Not in this lifetime,” Buck answers with a laugh. 

Eddie’s already indulged his crush enough today so he doesn’t look over to see if Buck’s eyes sparkled with his amusement. He doesn’t keep his arm around his best friend or sit too close on the couch once they find an empty one. He absolutely doesn’t picture Buck flipping a bat when he starts fiddling with his phone while they talk. 

His slip up at the sink means Buck is on high alert paying attention to him so Eddie has to be extra careful for the rest of the shift not to zone out or start daydreaming again. He has to make sure his best friend - or any one else on shift - doesn’t catch on to Eddie’s current predicament. He’s not the first, nor will he be the last guy to fall in love with his best friend. But at least for now, it has to be something he keeps to himself. He likes what they have now anyway and for once in his life, he’s not going to ruin the good thing he’s found himself with quite yet.

Buck is beyond ready to get out of the hospital. He wants to sleep in his own bed and not wake up every couple hours from an alarm sounding or a nurse coming in to check on him. He’s survived surgery, he didn’t lose his leg and he cleared his psych evaluation after getting blown up on the job. All in all, he just wants to be home now. 

“They’re getting your discharge paperwork right now , Buck, would you sit still ?” Maddie pleads and Buck tries to stop his good leg from bouncing in place. 

“Hey, you haven’t had to sleep in a hospital bed for the last 10 days,” he argues.  

“No, but I have slept in the chair next to you for a couple of those, so calm down,” Maddie grouses and Buck thinks maybe he’s slightly impaired from the pain meds because he can’t tell if she’s teasing him or genuinely irritated that she spent those nights with him. He ducks his head and tries to hide the way his eyes well up with tears before he can stop it. He must take too long to respond because Maddie sits next to him on the bed and gently takes his hand. 

“Hey, I was joking around sweetie,” she tells him quietly and he nods but has to sniff and wipe at his eyes with his free hand. 

“They’re still giving you the good stuff, aren’t they?” she asks but it sounds like she’s reminding herself of that more than him. She knows he’s a lightweight with most medications.

“Yeah,” he croaks but his emotions finally have started to settle and a new nurse enters the room with the blessed paperwork in hand. 

“Let’s get you out of here, Mr. Buckley.” 

Buck ends up falling asleep while Maddie drives him through the LA traffic back to the loft. Between the grogginess from just waking up and the general fuzziness he has when he takes pain medicine, he’s very confused when Maddie opens the door to the apartment, and he finds it occupied. 

“Buckaroo!” Carla cries out and steps up to give him a gentle hug after he crutches his way inside. 

“Hey Carla,” he replies as he drops his head to rest his cheek on the top of her head, returning the hug as best he can without falling over. 

“Come on, come in, and sit down; we're still getting things situated,” she explains and leads him to one of his dining room chairs, pulling a second one out for him to rest his bad leg on. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you all,” Buck starts, and Chim snorts upstairs in Buck’s bedroom space. Oh god. Buck really hopes they didn’t snoop up there. “But what are you all doing here?” 

Buck hears rustling up there and heavy breathing from Chim and Eddie as they apparently lift Buck’s mattress. 

“Well, we figured you wouldn’t let us take you straight to the Diaz house so I could be there to help you while I’m there with Chris. And doing steps on crutches in your own home is not acceptable. Eddie filled your fridge and stocked your freezer with meals from Isabel and Pepa. Chim finished setting up the tv and now the boys are moving your bed to the living room down here.” 

Buck watches Chim and Eddie carry the last piece of his bed down the steps, watches Maddie finish unpacking Buck’s prescriptions and instructions from his doctors while Carla explains their plan and tries again not to cry. Her hand is sweeping comfortingly up and down his back as he wrestles back the tears. He would have happily gone to stay at the Diaz house, but he’s been dreaming about his own bed for days now and some part of him would have been disappointed to not get to sleep in it his first night free of the hospital. 

“Thanks,” he croaks out after a few minutes and everyone smirks at him so he rolls his eyes but accepts the tissue Maddie passes him as she walks by towards the living room. 

“Maddie, you were on entertainment. Where are the video games? A BluRay player? Movies?” Chim asks after the mattress has been laid on the boxspring. Eddie is swapping the sheets out with Maddie who rolls her eyes at Chim. 

“Yeah, I was on entertainment,” she repeats slowly, like she’s speaking to a small child. “That’s why I got him a new Kindle, games for his Switch, some books from the library and extra long charger cords so they reach him in the bed,” she explains, and Buck perks up in excitement. His old Kindle died a slow painful death back when he was just thinking about trying out for the SEALs, and he never replaced it. He’s gotten by with his phone but it’s just not the same as a physical book or an ereader. 

Buck laughs as Chim rolls his eyes with his whole body. Carla pats his shoulder comfortingly and he looks up at her. 

“I put anti-slip strips and a shower chair in the shower down here where the detachable shower head is and brought down the rest of your toiletries. I think Maddie got you some supplies to help these first few days until you’re up for a full shower. We didn’t go digging in your drawers so don’t worry your pretty little head about that,” she explains as she scratches her nails through his hair. The nurses had made sure he left with his hair freshly washed and helped him shave too but that’ll only last him for a couple days before his beard is itchy and his hair is so oily that not even dry shampoo can help him. He wraps an arm around her middle, squeezing her with a hug. 

“You’re the best. I think you’re my favorite,” he enthuses, and she laughs at his adoring look up at her. 

“Oh don’t I know it, but now I’m going to head out so you can settle in and get some rest. You ever have a problem, you call me, alright?” 

“Promise. You’re on the short list,” he insists, and she gives him another squeeze around his shoulders before she leaves. 

He needs to send her some flowers, Buck thinks to himself, and then fumbles his phone from his pocket to make a note because he doesn’t want to forget. 

“Okay sweetie, I may have gone a little overboard with this one but, whatever,” Maddie starts as she comes to stand in front of him. “I figured, broken leg, need to stay off it as much as possible so I got this lunch box thing so you could put your drinks or snacks in there a couple times a day and you can have it on the bed with you instead of having to get up and all the way to the kitchen.”

“Yeah that’s great,” Buck agrees as he inspects the hard sided cooler. “I can put like, veggies and meat sticks and stuff in there and it won’t get slimy.” 

“Good to know I still know my little brother,” she says with a satisfied smile and Buck notices Chim and Eddie are playing rock-paper-scissors behind her and wonders what that’s all about. “Now, you want to change into some non-hospital clothes and get in your bed?” 

“More than anything,” Buck answers and braces himself to get up again. 

By the time he’s in fresh pajamas and settled into his bed at last with all his necessary supplies and his leg propped up, he’s exhausted. But Chim, Eddie, and Maddie are still hanging around so he can’t just close his eyes and let sleep take him as much as he wants to. Maddie perches on the bed next to Buck and starts showing him the books she picked for him. She’s just opening the Kindle when Chim interrupts. 

“Alright, books, books, books. Seriously, what about movies or TV? You don’t even have a BluRay player Buck. You should use this time you’re confined to bed to work on your complete lack of pop culture knowledge. Maddie you too, both of you need to watch more TV. Seriously, what is with that? Why don’t either of you know this kind of stuff?” 

Buck and Maddie exchange a knowing look before Buck nods at her and focuses on his new ereader. 

“We only had one tv in our house growing up and our parents…” Buck hears her trail off and Eddie huffs. 

“The TV was in the room where they spent all their time, but they didn’t really watch much other than the news. We didn’t get to stay at other people’s houses either so it's not like we could watch at our friend’s houses or something.” 

“Okay, but like, you’ve been out of their house for a while now,” Chim tries to rationalize and Buck rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t know what you’re imagining I was doing between Hershey and LA but there was more time spent living in my Jeep than an apartment for a while there. I was focused on food, shelter and whatever supplies I needed for whatever job I was working that month. Books, the library, that’s free. And I was a little busy learning everything my parents didn’t teach me as a kid. Catching the latest episode of Breaking Bad wasn’t my top priority. Most of the time if I did have access to a TV, I was watching sports with the people I worked with. I can’t speak for Maddie but I just… didn’t see the importance.” 

“Well, now you’re trapped here, so I’m going to at least make you a list of movies and shows to watch. I can’t let this continue,” Chim declares and swipes Buck’s remote to the tv and starts navigating to Netflix to build Buck a watchlist. 

Maddie and Eddie share a look that Buck doesn’t understand but decides he’s too tired to try and figure out what it means. He goes back to exploring his new Kindle and before he knows it Maddie and Chim have gone over his meds schedule with him and programmed alarms in his phone for each and then they’re gone. 

Eddie’s at the door when someone buzzes Buck’s apartment a few minutes later. 

“Who’s that now?” Buck asks with a sigh. He just got situated mostly horizontal in his bed at last, head on his own soft pillow finally. He really doesn’t want more company. He just wants to sleep . His stomach is yelling at him to eat something but he doesn’t have the energy to get up and find something. 

“I ordered you a burger,” Eddie explains and Buck has to bury his smile in his pillow where Eddie can’t see it. For all that Maddie claimed to know him best, Eddie’s probably right up there with her. A burger, some fries and something sweet is exactly what he’s been craving while choking down bland hospital food. It takes a minute for the delivery person to get to the apartment door and Buck uses that time to get propped upright again. 

Eddie doesn’t join Buck on the bed like Maddie had, but Buck’s oddly grateful for the distance. If Eddie was that close, while Buck is tired and fuzzy from pain killers, Buck might do something stupid like cuddle his best friend. As Buck takes the last bite of his burger, Eddie clears his throat so Buck looks over at him. Eddie looks, not nervous, but he has a blank look on his face that only comes out when he’s uncomfortable. 

“So you almost died,” he starts and Buck startles, he’d expected Eddie to say he’s leaving for the night not to bring this up again. 

“Eddie,” he starts but Eddie shakes his head. 

“No I- just let me finish. You got blown up by a bomb and could’ve died. You had major surgery afterwards. Maddie was abducted and seriously injured not that long ago.”

Buck has no idea where Eddie is going with this but it sounds important so he takes a drink of his water and tries to parse the question in Eddie’s words. 

“Sitting in the hospital with Bobby, both times, we realized we didn’t have a phone number to call to let your parents know what was happening. They never showed up with Maddie, and they’re not here now again.”  

Buck sighs and busies himself with cleaning up the wrappers and crumbs from his meal. 

“If Chris was hurt, nothing would keep me from being with him to help him,” Eddie continues gently and Buck feels that familiar pang of resentment that always strikes his heart when he thinks about his parents. 

“That’s because you’re a great dad, Eds. My parents,” he starts but trails off for a moment, still unsure how he wants to explain. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m sorry for bringing it up tonight. I’m sure you want to get some sleep,” Eddie backtracks, his expression soft and worried as he reaches over to take the trash from Buck. 

“It’s a fair thing to wonder about,” Buck offers as he hands over the stuff and reaches for his crutches to get up. Maybe if he stands and gets his heart going, gets some blood pumping he’ll be able to think about what to say. 

“Maddie has her own perspective on things but the way I see it, my parents didn’t have kids because they wanted to be parents.” 

Buck explains as he crutches his way into the kitchen to refill his water and then stands, leaning a hip against the island counter. 

“I think they had kids because that’s what society expected of them. They were set up by their parents, dated, got married, the next logical step was kids. They were never physical with us; they barely interacted with us at all. Sure I remember having toys and books, but we didn’t watch movies together or shows, didn’t play games or anything. And it’s not like they couldn’t afford it; they just didn’t want to so they didn’t.” 

“That sounds…strange. What about if you got sick, or hurt?” 

“Yeah it’s not like they were... neglectful.” 

Even as he says it, Buck thinks it sounds like a lie, but Eddie just keeps looking at him with an earnest expression like he wants Buck to keep talking. 

“It was what it was. If I got hurt, my dad would take me into the doctor if it was bad enough. Otherwise, one of them would patch me up if Maddie wasn’t around.”

“I picture you being the rough and tumble type as a kid.”

Buck laughs but it’s sad even to his own ears. 

“Yeah in a way. After this one time I fell trying to ride bike without training wheels, I caught on that they paid more attention to me if I was hurt.” 

Buck shrugs and has to stop looking at the face Eddie is making so he looks down at the countertop. 

“So, in a weird way I’m glad they haven’t showed up now. Not when I know it wouldn’t be because they care about me, they just care about the appearance of doing what parents should do.”

He’s barely finished speaking and he finds himself suddenly wrapped in Eddie’s arms. Buck’s breath shudders out of him as he leans in and rests his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder. His leg is starting to make itself known again and he should really go for a bathroom break before he goes back to the bed but he gives himself a moment to just breathe. 

He really hadn’t anticipated talking about his parents to anyone at the 118. Aside from what he briefly told Bobby and Hen, there’s just not much else to tell, and until Eddie, no one was curious enough to ask. 

“You didn’t deserve that,” Eddie whispers and Buck feels his breath shudder again as he tries to hold himself together, so he just nods before straightening up and pulling away. 

“Thanks,” he says with a thick voice, still avoiding looking at Eddie’s face, not wanting to see the expression there yet. “For saying that and, for listening.”

“Anytime,” Eddie says and then reaches his hand out to grab Buck's shoulder, right by the base of his throat and gives him a little shake until Buck looks at him. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that right?” Eddie asks earnestly, no pity or judgment on his face. 

“I do know that. I promise,” Buck answers with a wobbly smile before he takes a deep breath. “But right now I need to go pee and get back in bed before I fall over and make a mess of my kitchen,” he jokes and it snaps the tense atmosphere when Eddie laughs at him. 

“Get moving then,” he says and steps out of Buck’s way. 

“Chris wanted to have a sleepover at Abuela’s house tonight so I was thinking I’d stay on the couch for this first night you’re home, just in case,” Eddie calls after him and Buck doesn’t respond as he focuses on doing what he needs to in the bathroom and washing up before hobbling back into the main space. “If that’s okay with you,” Eddie offers, but Buck realizes he probably doesn’t actually have a choice with this. Maddie probably only left earlier because she knew this was the plan and knew that Buck wouldn’t be alone tonight. 

“You know you’re always welcome here, Eds,” Buck answers honestly as he crutches back over to the bed and finally gets horizontal again. 

“I’d offer you half the bed but I plan on starfishing the hell outta this thing,” Buck mumbles as he shifts to the center of the mattress and gets his leg supported on a mound of pillows.

“I think I’ll manage,” Eddie laughs quietly as he flips the blankets over Buck so he’s covered. The moment his head hits the pillow this time, Buck is being pulled into sleep. He thinks he feels a hand brush through his hair but he’s unconscious before he can even enjoy it.

There are a lot of good things about working for a man like Bobby Nash. Not only is he kind and fair and understanding, but he also puts in a lot of effort to help his firefighters however he can. Whether it's accommodating a short notice shift change, helping coordinate someone’s move or cooking a meal during the shift, he always finds a way to be involved more than any leader Eddie has ever known. 

One of the best parts though, is everyone gets their pick of what they want for their birthday meal and dessert. Bobby doesn’t bake a lot on shift given the risk they’ll get called out while something is still in the oven. So when it’s someone’s birthday it’s a treat for everyone to get some of Bobby’s baking. 

They’re steadily making their way through the angel food cake and strawberries that Larson requested when Hen asks the group what their favorite dessert has been that Bobby’s made. 

There are shouts about fudgy caramel brownies made for Collins, a lemon meringue pie for Turner, and the mint chip ice cream cake for Athena. 

Eddie gets struck with a sudden realization as he gets a text from Buck: they’ve never celebrated Buck’s birthday that Eddie can remember. 

Then the bell rings for an ambulance and an engine, and Eddie’s not thinking about dessert. 

Later that night when Eddie gets home, he tries to think back to last summer and tries to remember if they had even had a meal special for Buck at any point. After going over it for a bit he comes to the same conclusion as he did back at the firehouse. They didn’t do anything for Buck’s birthday last year. 

Knowing Bobby will also still be awake Eddie sends him a text.

Bobby starts typing and then pauses and Eddie half thinks his phone is going to just start to ring instead.

Another minute passes of Eddie watching the typing bubble before the reply comes through.

Unsure how else to respond Eddie sends back a thumbs up emoji and gets off the couch to get ready for bed. 20 minutes later after he’s showered and crawled under the covers he has half a plan formed and texts Bobby again.

Eddie doesn’t expect a response until later, kind of figures Bobby might also be trying to get a nap in so he’s surprised when his phone goes off right away. Deciding that if Bobby is going to respond Eddie might as well too, so he answers Bobby’s questions.

***

Eddie isn’t sure how Bobby does it, but he doesn’t really care; he’s too busy being grateful it worked out for Eddie to have Buck’s birthday off work. He would have requested it off but he likes to save his days for unexpected things like Chris or Abuela getting sick and needing him home. It’s one piece of the puzzle Eddie puts together to plan a special day without tipping his hand that he’s planning it because it's Buck’s birthday. 

Luckily, asking if Buck wants to spend a day with him and Chris is totally a normal thing for them while Buck’s recovering. He’s been free of his cast for a couple weeks but he’s still walking with a cane for stability. He’s very careful to avoid mentioning the date when they text and when Buck asks what they’re going to do Eddie just tells him they’ll figure it out that day based on how Chris is feeling or what he wants to do. Even with as careful as he was with all the lead up, by the time the day comes and he’s waiting for Buck to show up at his house Eddie’s only like 80% sure Buck thinks Eddie thinks it’s a normal weekend. 

He takes them through Buck’s second favorite coffee place for breakfast on the way to the zoo. 

Chris remembers their cover story when Buck asks why he picked the zoo this weekend. 

Things get a little rocky when they “spontaneously” decide to meet up with Abuela for lunch and she already has tamales and fresh mangonada sorbet ready for them. 

By the time they’re back at Eddie’s relaxing on the couch with Mulan playing on the tv and all Buck’s favorite movie snacks on the coffee table, Eddie knows they’ve been figured out. 

At Chris’s insistence, Buck is in the middle of the couch with Chris and Eddie on either side of him. After all the fresh air, exercise and good food from his grandma, Chris has fallen asleep against the arm of the couch instead of tucked under Buck’s arm like normal. Which leaves Buck listing towards Eddie, tired despite the second round of coffee they’d grabbed on their way home. After the second time Buck tenses and shifts after realizing he was leaning to one side, Eddie’s had enough. He lifts his arm and puts it on the back of the couch behind Buck’s shoulders. 

“Just, come ‘ere already,” he says quietly, and Buck rolls his eyes but shifts closer into the space Eddie’s made for him. 

When Eddie looks down at him the afternoon sun streaming in the windows casts a halo around him with his golden blond hair. He looks so soft and relaxed and it takes everything in him not to run his fingers through those curls, not to press a kiss on those pink lips. 

Then Buck looks over at him, those blue eyes earnest and beautiful and Eddie needs to get a grip on this sappiness. 

“I think this is the best birthday I’ve ever had,” Buck whispers and Eddie pulls away with a quiet groan. 

“Aw man, what gave us away?” he asks genuinely and Buck huffs a startled laugh. 

“Well, when you agreed to be my emergency contact you saw when my birthday was. When you wouldn’t let me plan the day with Chris ahead of time like normal I knew you had something up your sleeve.” 

“Oh,” Eddie replies and Buck laughs again while Eddie just feels stupid. Of course Buck knew Eddie knew what today was.  He scrubs his hands over his face before leaning back into his spot and puts his arm back around Buck’s shoulders. This time Buck settles in even closer under Eddie’s arm, presses into Eddie’s side completely. 

“We just wanted to give you a special day,” Eddie admits. 

“You definitely did,” Buck answers, voice soft again and genuine and Eddie feels brave.

“I just hope, I hope it brought you even a fraction of the happiness you give to Chris and me by being in our lives,” Eddie tells him and holds his breath when Buck turns his head to rest his chin on Eddie’s chest and look up at him. 

“Careful, Ed’s,” he whispers. “You say stuff like that, and I might do something crazy.” 

His eyes flick to Eddie’s lips so fast Eddie’s sure it wasn’t even a conscious choice. 

“That wouldn’t be crazy,” Eddie whispers back and Buck’s eyebrows fly up. 

“I didn’t say what I would do,” he argues in confusion.  

“Sure you didn’t,” Eddie answers, deliberately looking at Buck’s lips for a long moment before looking him in the eye again. For all the bravery he feels in the moment, he doesn’t want to rush this; he wants to give Buck the space to decide what’s next. Eddie can wait. He has been waiting, and today wasn’t supposed to include this. But he figures planning a private birthday celebration for the guy who doesn’t recognize his own birthday was going to rip the mask off the nature of his feelings no matter what he said or didn’t say. 

“Es un poco loco,” Buck whispers. “¿Estas seguro?”

“Si cariño,” Eddie whispers, lifting his hand to finally, gently, run his fingers through his curls like he’s wanted to for months. 

“Porque, eres mi loco.” 

Buck’s eyes look impossibly bluer as they well with tears and Eddie leans forward and presses a kiss to Buck’s forehead. Lets Buck close his eyes and take a shuddering breath or two before Eddie pulls back and presses their foreheads together instead.

“What are you thinking?” he asks after a few moments of quiet. 

“I don’t want to mess this up,” Buck tells him, eyes still closed.  

“Me either. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and Chris.” 

“I want this. So much, but I’m worried -“ Buck starts, eyes open and so earnest that Eddie has to reassure him before he starts to get any more anxious. 

“Hey, we can do this. We can. And we can do it at whatever pace we want, alright?” 

Buck nods before he shifts so he can press a kiss to Eddie’s cheek then he shifts around so he’s cuddled completely into Eddie’s side, arm around Eddie’s waist. Eddie just presses an answering kiss to Buck’s hair and settles in to finish their movie. 

There are a few more things to surprise Buck with - cupcakes from his favorite bakery, cookies from Bobby and his favorite pizza for supper - but Eddie wants to stay in this moment for a little while longer. They’re going to do this. He can wait a little bit more if it means Buck is just as confident as Eddie.

Between the anger and the sound of the road under the Jeep’s tires, all Buck can hear is white noise. His brain keeps replaying the fact that Bobby is the one who thinks Buck is a liability over and over as he drives. Bobby thinks that him being back at work would put other firefighters in danger. Every time he remembers again, hears Bobby saying that he’s the dumbass blocking Buck’s return to work, Buck feels like punching his steering wheel so he lets his brain go fuzzy, only focusing on driving and traffic around him. He’d thrown his phone in the seat next to him after storming out of Bobby’s house and has been ignoring it ever since. 

He doesn’t know how many times his phone has rang or how many minutes or hours he’s been driving when he comes back to himself and realizes it’s Eddie’s ringtone playing now instead of the generic one for everyone else. He fumbles to get his phone in the holder on the dash and answers the call on the last ring. 

“Is Chris okay?” he asks immediately because Eddie doesn’t really ever call, even now that they’re something more than friends, he usually texts instead. 

“Christopher is fine,” Eddie reassures him calmly. “He’s doing his homework with Carla. Bobby can’t get a hold of you and asked if I could. I thought you were having dinner with him tonight, what’s going on?” 

Buck can hear the concern in Eddie’s voice even over the static still buzzing in his ears. He wants to say something so Eddie won’t be worried but he just-

“Eddie, I can't even think right now. I can’t. I can’t talk and drive and think about what happened,” Buck tells him, the words spilling out of him before he can stop them.  

“Okay, where are you?” Eddie asks, steady and even, but Buck can tell it’s fake calm, he’s trying to keep Buck from falling into any further panic.

“I’m in the Jeep,” Buck says and changes lanes to get around a slow moving car.  

“Yeah, I can hear that Buck. Where are you in the Jeep?” Eddie presses him.

Buck takes a deep breath and sits back in his seat so he’s not leaning over the steering wheel in an attempt to focus, to relax. After a moment he admits he doesn’t honestly know where he is. He tells Eddie he just needed to get away from Bobby’s house and started driving and just never got off the interstate. 

“Okay, that’s okay. I can see where you’re at,” Eddie says, voice still steady and reassuring and Buck suddenly remembers they shared their locations after the tsunami. 

“Take that next exit okay? Go sit in the parking lot for…Towsley Canyon Park and I'll come out there and meet you. Just don’t go for a hike in the dark, alright? You promise you’ll stop?” 

“Yeah, I promise. I’m taking the exit now,” Buck answers as he puts his turn signal on and takes the exit. Eddie tells him again that he’s on his way before hanging up as Buck follows the signs to the park’s parking lot. 

Once he’s parked, Buck turns off the Jeep and takes stock of himself. His hands are a little tingly, but his heart isn’t racing as fast anymore. He opens Maps and tries to see where the hell he is and is surprised to find he must have been driving for at least an hour to get this far out at this time of day. Fuck and now Eddie is making this drive too just because he’s having a freak out and couldn’t just deal with his emotions like an adult. 

So stupid . How could he be so stupid? He thought he could trust Bobby. He must have missed something somewhere along the way. He should have seen this coming. Maybe then he wouldn’t have been blindsided like he was. He’s never felt such anger that he had to physically remove himself from a situation to see past it. He never understood the phrase blind rage until that very moment as he realized he’d smacked Athena Grant’s dinner table and knew he had to leave or find out what other ways his temper could manifest.   

Time keeps slipping away from him as he sits in the quiet Jeep, listening to the engine tick and ping as it cools off. The parking lot is empty around him and he thinks, in passing, that the park must close at dark. He still has his phone in one hand and pulls up his texts with Eddie.

God Buck can’t do anything right tonight.

He itches to call his partner, but knows Eddie hates driving in the first place and hates talking on the phone while he drives even more.

Buck lets his head fall back against the headrest and closes his eyes while he waits for Eddie to get to him. He doesn’t care how long he sits there waiting, his brain is still a fog, his ears are still buzzing.

Then his phone dings in his hand and he’s surprised to see texts coming in from Eddie.

Before he can even text back to clarify, there are headlights pulling in behind him, and it’s Eddie, parking next to Buck. Buck finds himself outside the Jeep in the cool night air, and then Eddie is right there, wrapping him up in a hug. Eddie’s hands are steady where they hold him. Buck knows that because of the embolism, for Buck to go radio silent like he did, clearly unnerved Eddie from the way he grips Buck so tight. It’s written on his face when he keeps one hand around Buck’s back and one firm on Buck’s neck to pull him back and look in Buck’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Buck croaks, voice tight with tears that are suddenly threatening to fall. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts and made you come all the way out here. I don’t know how I even got here.” 

“Buck, it’s okay, ” Eddie cuts in firmly. “You are physically okay, right? You didn’t like, fight Bobby or something?” 

Eddie pushes Buck back so he can look him over, checking him for injuries and Buck settles a little further into his body again from the press of Eddie’s hands. 

“No, no. I didn’t, but that would’ve hurt less than what did happen.” 

“Okay, walk me through it,” Eddie tells him, letting go of Buck and taking a couple steps back to his truck, opening the tailgate and sitting down. Buck takes a couple deep breaths and tries to think through exactly what happened chronologically. 

“Athena invited me over for dinner. We were at the table, dishing up and I was telling her and Bobby about that literal ambulance chasing lawyer that wanted me to like, make a statement against the 118 after that fire drill,” he explains and finds himself pacing back and forth in front of Eddie. 

“Then Athena offered me collard greens which-” 

“Which are on the no-go list because of your meds, right,” Eddie cuts in, and Buck points at him in agreement, feet still moving.

“Right, so I said I couldn’t have any, and then I was telling Bobby my idea about getting letters from people so the brass would let me come back and suddenly he’s telling me that he’s the reason I haven’t been reinstated,” Buck stops and watches Eddie’s face twist in confusion in the light of the street lamp. 

“What? He’s been telling us this whole time that the brass were still deliberating on if you could come back at all.” 

“He’s been telling me that the brass think I’m a liability. Turns out they only think that because of Bobby,” Buck elaborates, and Eddie’s eyebrows are attempting to meet his hairline, eyes wide in shock. 

Buck feels gratified that he’s not the only one surprised at the news. Part of him still feels stupid for being so upset he literally drove 30 some miles before realizing where he was. 

“That’s fucked up,” Eddie tells him and Buck nods in agreement. 

Buck’s racing thoughts calm a little further when Eddie gives him a minute to breathe and concentrate. It’s not long before his expression turns eager again though, and Buck knows he can’t be done recounting the story to his partner. Eddie will deny it but the man loves the chisme in any shape or form that he can get it.

“Then what happened?”

Buck’s feeling good enough he can roll his eyes at the question before he’s pacing again. Slower now, less because he’s got nervous energy to expel while he talks and more because he wants to keep moving and keep it from coming back, from settling in his muscles like before. 

“Honestly things get fuzzy after the words ‘I’m the dumbass’ came out of Bobby’s mouth,” he admits flatly. “I think I said something about how I thought he knew me, thought he was my friend, and then I remember the silverware rattling, and I had just hit Athena’s table.”

“Oh shit,” Eddie whispers and his eyes have gone wide with shock again. 

“I apologized to her immediately and left. I remember getting onto the 405, and then you were calling me.”

“Bobby and Athena must have tried to call you to come back and when they couldn’t get through they texted me,” he fills in and that…kind of surprises Buck. 

He would have expected them to give him at least a couple hours to cool off if they thought he was wrongly upset. The fact that they immediately tried to get him back to keep talking, well. 

“Well, that’s…something, I guess,” he admits aloud and Eddie shrugs too, like he’s not sure what to make of it either. 

Feeling tired all of a sudden, Buck stops his pacing and sits next to Eddie on the tailgate. 

“I just don’t understand. Does he not want me back on the team? Why would he work against me being a firefighter?” 

Eddie turns to him and puts a hand on his thigh comfortingly. 

“Don’t take it there, Buck. Not without talking to Bobby again.” 

“What else am I supposed to think?” 

He asks knowing he’s borderline whining but fuck. He had enough of being ignored or simply tolerated by the people around him and in positions of authority while he was growing up. If Bobby isn’t being genuine with how he treats Buck, if he isn’t being honest with Buck then Buck doesn’t want to keep trying to get back to that environment. If it’s not real trust and friendship, Buck just doesn’t want it. 

“That he cares about you and doesn’t want to see you hurt. Again. That’s the other side of this right?” Eddie presses, his hand doing the same to keep Buck’s attention from wandering to too dark a place. 

Buck shakes his head anyway and rubs one hand down his face feeling exhausted. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to think yet,” he says quietly. 

“Well, we go back on shift tomorrow afternoon. If you come to the station to talk to him it’ll be on more neutral ground, and Hen and Chim will be there too. He needs to get his story straight and be honest with you and with the rest of us.” 

Buck considers it. The station isn’t really neutral ground, however he does want Hen, Chim, and Eddie to be there the next time he has to confront his other friend and mentor for the truth. 

“That could work I guess. And if you get called out again it’s not like I have a job to get back to, I can just wait this time for you all to get back.” 

He covers Eddie’s hand with his own and Eddie flips his around so their fingers can intertwine.

“Come on, let’s go home. I’ll follow you back; you can get a Chris hug and some sleep and tomorrow we’ll figure out the rest.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Buck agrees, squeezing Eddie’s hand and leaning in for a quick kiss before they part and get back in their vehicles to make the drive back into the city. 

Later, once they’ve gotten back to Eddie’s house, Buck lets himself be handled by his partner. He goes where Eddie nudges him, does what Eddie tells him to do, he just follows and tries to stay present in his own skin. He finally starts to feel himself settle fully back into his body after he’s checked on Chris, showered, put on fresh pajamas and settled into bed with Eddie. The heavy blanket and Eddie’s arms around him puts just the right amount of pressure on him so he feels whole again. In the quiet room, listening to Eddie breathe next to him Buck feels the scattered pieces of his heart and his mind assemble back together.  

***

Buck wakes up early the next morning immediately feeling anxious. He leaves a still sleeping Eddie in bed and gets up to try and physically work through the feeling. He works out, makes breakfast, cleans the kitchen and the living room before it’s time for Eddie to head to work for his shift. Buck squeezes in a quick shower at the last minute and jumps in the Jeep to follow Eddie to the 118. 

Driving there, he briefly considers making the turn for his loft and just avoiding everything about the situation until further notice. But for all that he hates confrontation and as nervous as he is, waiting will just make it worse. Plus, he wouldn’t put it past Eddie to be late for work just so he could physically drag Buck with him and force him to deal with this. Buck tightens his grip on the steering wheel and continues to follow Eddie through mid-morning LA traffic to the station. 

Eddie parks in his usual spot next to the station, but Buck has to try and find a spot out on the street. He takes a few calming deep breaths and then gets out of the Jeep and walks towards the building. It’s a relief to see that Eddie is waiting for him in the big open garage doorway and Buck gratefully walks in with him, their shoulders brushing. He desperately wants to hold Eddie’s hand but neither of them are ready for the team to know the status of their relationship has changed. Today’s conversation is going to be tricky enough, no need to add more fuel to the bonfire. 

“Buck!” Hen calls in greeting, and Buck can hear the smile in her voice before he sees her walking out of the locker room, Chim on her heels. 

She wraps him in a hug that he readily returns and smiles at Chim’s back slaps. 

“What’s the occasion? Just stopping to say hello?” Chim asks with a grin but Buck shakes his head, no reason to delay the inevitable. Especially when he can see Bobby has come out of his office and is walking towards the group. 

“No, I need to talk to Bobby,” Buck admits with a nod towards the other man.

He finds himself wanting to reach for Eddie again, so he grips his own hands in front of himself instead.  He’s not sure how to start things off but Eddie does it for him. 

“We all do. You lied to us,” Eddie says flatly once Bobby joins them. 

“It seemed like the lesser of two evils at the time,” Bobby responds calmly, arms folded across his chest. It feels like yet another dagger in Buck’s chest hearing Bobby call him that. 

“That's what me coming back here to work is to you? Something to avoid?”

“Yes,” Bobby answers, twisting the knife further. 

“Wow, see I was right ,” Buck argues, hands separating, gesturing at Eddie as he takes a step away from the group. 

Apparently the way Bobby would prefer. Fuck that shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. 

“So the truth is you don’t even want me back at all then. Great. That’s great.” 

“ The truth is,” Bobby cuts in before anyone else can get a word out, “the medication you have to take now is grounds to disqualify you from being a firefighter.” 

“No, the medication can be grounds to disqualify me,” Buck argues and notices that Eddie has shifted to be closer to Buck, that Hen and Chim are staring down Bobby in disbelief. 

“LAFD decides on a case-by-case basis, and they decided in this case it wasn’t enough of a reason to keep me off the force. They cleared me to return to partially restricted duty until I stop the meds.” 

Bobby doesn’t say anything for a long minute but Hen and Chim are now the one’s staring down their boss with arms crossed, waiting for an explanation. Eddie is now firmly back by Buck’s side, his shoulder pressing into Buck, lending him more strength through the gesture than he probably knows. 

Finally Bobby cracks, arms coming down, seemingly also his conviction in his viewpoint. 

“I don’t think you’re ready, I just think you need to take some more time.”

“More time for what?” Buck questions, incredulous. “To lose my mind?”

“More time to heal!”

“I am healed! Why do you think you know better than multiple doctors what my current physical health is?” 

“I think I know you better than they do, and what you’re willing to risk to get back to the job.”

Buck is totally bewildered at this point. 

“What are you talking about ?” he half shouts. 

“What am I risking? What corners did I cut? What did I rush? Because whether you like it or not I have done everything that was asked of me, at the pace the doctors wanted, to get back to being around my family and the only job I’ve ever done that makes me feel good about myself. Hate to break it to you Cap, but I’ve almost died more times off the job than on it. I wasn’t working and was on the blood thinners when I managed to survive a tsunami. And the only reason I had as long of a recovery time as I did was because the wound sealer I carry on me got washed away by a natural disaster, and if I had actually been at work someone around me would have had more. I won’t even have to take those meds once they take the hardware out of my leg in a few more weeks,” Buck finishes his rant with a few heavy breaths and leans further into Eddie when his knees threaten to buckle.  

“I just think you need more time,” Bobby repeats but it’s weaker now. 

Buck can tell he’s getting closer to actually telling them the real reason, but Buck thinks he’s guessed it; he should have understood from something Athena said last night where this is all stemming from. 

“ I need more time or you do?” he asks, lowering his voice, trying to find some calm after his outburst. “It’s been 10 months Bobby. If all my doctors and the rest of LAFD agree that I am physically able to do this job, while temporarily taking blood thinners, what more do you need?” 

“I was still taking meds when I got back from the rebar, Bobby and you didn’t stop my return,” Chim chimes in. 

“And if what Buck is saying is true, and I have no reason to doubt him, he’d have a pretty good case against you for discrimination since you just admitted to obstructing his return to work,” Hen adds on. 

“ And he was just introduced to a really obnoxious lawyer that already has a bone to pick with this firehouse,” Eddie tells him, and Bobby’s eyes go wide. 

“If you can’t get comfortable with me working for you, at least let me go be a firefighter somewhere else. I don’t want to try and force something where I’m not wanted,” Buck half pleads. He doesn’t want to go anywhere else, but he can’t keep living on the outskirts of what he should be doing, what he chose for himself as a career.  

Hen has her glare on in full force, Chim is squawking in indignation, and Eddie is looking at Bobby with an expression so thunderous Buck doesn't know how Bobby hasn’t burst into flames just from receiving it. 

“At the end of the day I want to be a firefighter and I want to do that with my family. That’s what I’ve been working towards, been fighting for. And I will keep fighting for that, even if I have to fight you in the process.” 

The conversation has definitely gathered an audience of firefighters, both the group that was leaving and the group that was coming in. Buck realizes the B-shift captain is even standing in the crowd to the side, and he knows Bobby can see him there. He hadn’t meant to do this so public, and he hopes that doesn’t factor into whatever Bobby decides. Bobby seems to take another moment to reflect before he speaks again, slowly. 

“If you’re gonna be a firefighter, it’s gonna be here, where I can keep an eye on you,” he says, and Buck feels his entire body tense as the room collectively seems to hold their breath. 

“Are you being serious right now?” he asks, he has to check that Bobby really means that. That he didn’t just hallucinate Bobby finally saying what he’s been dreaming for weeks to hear. 

“I’ll make the call to the chief, and we’ll see where it goes from there,” Bobby warns, but Buck knows the chief wants him back. He saw the guy in the grocery store the other day, and he was confused why Buck wasn’t already back at work. 

The room erupts in a cheer, and Buck feels like he can finally breathe again when Eddie grabs him by the back of the neck and pulls him in for a hug. Then everyone is hugging him or slapping him on the back and Buck thinks, maybe Bobby does know him. It’s just more than that. Like Athena said, they care about him so they worry. As much as he wants to go immediately into the locker room and put on a uniform right that moment he knows he has to go home and let Bobby push through the paperwork first. 

But when the crowd disperses and Eddie gives him one last lingering hug, Buck thinks he can make it a few more days just riding the feeling that wraps him in.

Buck can hardly believe the difference a month has made for his mental health considering the only change is that he’s been back at work. He’s back with his family, back in the fold and back to his normal levels of physical activity that has him feeling the best he’s ever felt. 

He’s been back for a month and he’s officially been off the blood thinners for a week which should have him flying even higher. But the 1 year anniversary of the bombing is in a few days. It has him a little unsettled to say the least. As usual though, Eddie has known just how to keep Buck from getting lost in his head. 

This morning that means his boyfriend got them to work early just so they could make out behind the Jeep for a few minutes before the shift starts. 

Turns out the fender over the back tire of the Jeep is at just the right height for him to lean against for support so he’s a couple inches shorter and Eddie can stand over him, cage him in. It makes Buck feel safe and protected in a way he can’t really explain without melting into a puddle of love struck goo. He gets a little lost in the way Eddie is kissing him senseless and doesn’t notice someone walking towards them until he hears a familiar voice. 

“Oh shit, sorry,” Chim rushes to say, and Buck can’t help but smile at the way Eddie doesn’t flinch away immediately at being interrupted but simply sighs, presses another soft kiss to Buck’s lips and then pulls back. 

Chim is still stuttering when Buck drags his gaze away from Eddie’s spit shiny lips. 

“I didn’t- since when- you like men? Both of you?” 

“Uh yes?” Eddie answers with a look at Chim like he’s questioning the man’s sanity. 

“Chim, come on,” Buck says flatly because, seriously. 

“Does Maddie know?” 

“Does my sister know my sexuality?” Buck repeats incredulously before he scoffs lightly. 

“Yeah, Chimney, she does. And I know hers. Do you ?” He asks with a raised eyebrow and enjoys the way that makes Chim freeze for a moment before he starts sputtering again. 

Buck gently pushes Eddie back a step so he can stand up fully. He shakes out his legs before leaning down to grab his bag in one hand and Eddie’s hand in the other so they can start walking into the station. 

“I don’t know who I’m more disappointed in you or Hen,” Buck tells him, shaking his head. “You should know by now how to avoid falling into the compulsive heterosexuality trap.” 

Buck sucks his teeth in disappointment and Eddie stifles a laugh as he allows Buck to lead them into work with Chim trailing after them. 

“Alright, okay I cannot be the only one who didn’t know about you two,” Chim says once they’re all upstairs in the loft together, and Hen immediately scoffs. 

“Speak for yourself, Han,” Hen argues before sending a smile towards Buck. 

He remembers when she told him she knew back during his probie year. After the second time he’d mentioned going on a date with someone who had a gender neutral name and hadn’t used their pronouns she’d cornered him. He still remembers the way she’d tugged him to the ambulance to help her restock before she asked what he identified as. She’d claimed the names were her last straw, she really figured it out based on ‘how he sat’ and his sense of style. 

Buck’s still not sure how to take either of those things. 

“You are the exception, I’m sure,” Chim claims but the other firefighters around look ready to disagree. 

“I knew,” Bobby says plainly from where he’s prepping their next meal in the kitchen. “Athena knows, too.” 

Buck’s not sure how Bobby knows but he knows Athena put the pieces together pretty quickly when she was the officer who responded to a bar fight at a queer bar where Buck was helping the bouncer contain the two main people involved. 

“Come on, Eddie was married to a woman! He has a kid!” Chim exclaims desperately, but Buck won’t let him use that as an excuse to be a butthead. 

“Hey. Just because a bisexual person is in a committed relationship with someone of the opposite gender does not make their bisexuality go away,” Buck corrects firmly, stepping towards Chim unconsciously until he feels Eddie’s hand on his arm keeping him in place. 

“It’s fine, babe,” Eddie whispers with a tiny smile when Buck turns to look at him. 

“I never said-” Chim starts to defend before he cuts himself off. 

“You know what, why am I getting shit for minding my own business and not speculating about the sexuality of my coworkers? 

“Because you were oblivious to what was very obviously happening in front of you 50 hours a week,” Hen explains while everyone else in the loft nods. 

Buck turns back to Eddie again, sharing a look with him to make sure he’s not bothered by the fact that they weren’t as under the radar as they thought they were. They had tried to act like they did before the bombing when Buck came back to work, but almost a year had passed and apparently they’d missed the mark. Eddie gives him a little shrug though so Buck’s reassured he’s not upset. 

Buck looks back to Hen and the rest, shrugging himself as he says, “have you seen him?” The same time Eddie does. 

He has to look at Eddie at that, sure that he’s got heart eyes that could be seen from space. Eddie’s looking at him with the same soft, gushy expression and Buck wants to kiss him again so bad but they’re on shift. 

“Oh God, put those goo-goo eyes away,” Chim orders and Buck laughs, feeling his cheeks warm with a slight blush. 

“I concede to your logic,” Chim concedes, and walks away while Hen and Bobby laugh at him. 

Maybe Buck shouldn’t be so surprised by how good he’s been feeling being back with the people who see him best.

When the rainy season starts, there’s a part of Buck that still expects it to turn into a true winter. The kind of winter with snow and ice and freezing temperatures that mean bundling up in thick coats and sturdy boots. The kind of winter he had in Pennsylvania as a kid, or when he’d worked for a year in Montana. He has to remind himself every November that it’s just going to be rain and rain and more rain. More like spring up north instead of winter. 

But one thing in common is the risk of floods. 

Buck has always respected the power that water can have. A person can’t grow up where hurricanes hit and not understand the damage that can be wrought by the water. So even though he already knew the danger the ocean possesses, after surviving a tsunami he’s been…a little extra wary of the water. 

Showers? Fine. 

Pools? Not a problem. 

But ocean waves or any rushing water still puts him on high alert. 

So of course, two days into non-stop rain, Bobby has volunteered them to help search Griffith Park for a missing hiker. 

It’s not the rain that's the problem, not really. The issue is more that with the terrain they’re going to be hiking through if the rain doesn’t stop, it can accumulate and flash flood in the low spots without warning. That’s the part that Buck isn’t looking forward to. Bobby is explaining who they’re looking for and that they’re going to pair off to help with the search, but Buck is focused on trying to stop his leg from bouncing. 

“You alright there, Buckaroo?” Hen asks over the headsets and Buck looks up to see her and Chim already looking at him in concern. 

“Do you all know what to do in a flash flood?” Buck blurts out which is met with a look of surprise from the rest of the truck. 

“That’s what you're worried about?” Chim asks, incredulously but Buck doesn’t know what else he is supposed to be worried about right now. 

“Yeah, it’s been dry here for so long… I didn’t know if you guys had dealt with them before,” Buck explains and Hen gives him a warm smile which goes a long way in settling his worries about possibly mansplaining something obvious. 

“El Paso has them during monsoon season,” Eddie tells him and knocks his gloved hand against Buck’s knee in support. 

“Our floods in Minnesota were primarily slow,” Bobby chimes in from the front seat of the truck. 

When the comment is met with amused silence from the rest of the crew Bobby turns around, exasperated. 

“I’m serious! We always had plenty of warning if the river was going to flood. Buck, what do we need to know?” 

So Buck tells them about staying out of low spots even though that might be the path of least resistance, never assume how deep the water is and always assume if it’s 6 inches or higher it could sweep your feet out from under you. How where there’s rushing water there could always be more - make sure you can get away from it if it were to rise. If they absolutely have to step in some water use the poke stick to check the depth and always walk against or across the current - never the same direction. They need to assume that just like walking on ice, that it’s a slippery surface under the water until proven otherwise. Eddie chimes in with a few extra tidbits and then they’re suddenly at the trailhead and unloading out of the truck. 

Bobby splits them up so Buck is with Hen, Sanchez and one of the park rangers, while he takes Eddie and Chim with another. It separates them by knowledge, by ability and puts a paramedic in each group but it kicks Buck’s anxiety up a notch to be separated from his partner. 

Buck takes a couple deep breaths as he grabs his gear and tries to harness his adrenaline. It takes an extra minute for his brain to finally focus on exactly what he has to do as he puts his gear on and then checks over Eddie’s while Eddie does the same to him. 

Keep Hen safe, search for the hiker. 

When they’ve checked and stalled as long as they can, Buck meets Eddie’s gaze, unsurprised to find him looking as torn as Buck feels. But Eddie puts his wrist out for Buck to bump with his own, like they usually would before heading into a situation together. 

It settles Buck a little more when Eddie whispers a quick, “be safe,” before they’re taking off in different directions. 

The ranger that’s going with them explains while they walk, where in the park has already been searched and where they’re going to help look now. Buck goes last in the line, making sure Hen stays in front of him on the trail so he can keep an eye on her. Not because he thinks she can’t handle herself, mainly because she has the heavier pack and doesn’t hike as often as he does. He just wants to be able to catch her should she stumble. 

After a little while, they split off into pairs and fan out. 

Buck is comfortably dry in his rainproof turnouts, muscles loose and warm after they’ve been searching for an hour or so. Hen spots a boulder and sets her pack on it before she leans against it for a break. Buck follows suit, pausing and stretching his bad leg so it doesn’t get too tight. 

“You hanging in there, Buck?” Hen asks him, loud over the noise of the rain. 

“Feeling good,” he answers honestly as he keeps stretching and she laughs. 

“Not even the rain gets you down, does it? This is just another hike for you,” she asks with a smile Buck returns accompanied by a shrug. 

“Let’s stick to the edge of this gully here. I’m seeing some water moving at the bottom and if the rain doesn’t let up it’s going to rise pretty quick given the rest of the terrain is sloping down into it,” Buck explains when Hen is ready to keep moving forward. 

They search for another hour before their radios buzz to life and it’s the incident commander recalling everyone - the hiker was found. Buck and Hen share a smile before they turn around and start making their way back the way they came to the trail. Buck relaxes when everyone chimes in over the radio checking in as all present and accounted for. So of course that’s the exact moment Hen takes a step closer to the edge and slips on the loose dirt. 

His heart drops into his stomach as he watches her start to fall over the edge and reaches to grab her before she can topple into the ravine. 

His fingers just manage to catch her turnout jacket and he pulls her back even as he pitches forward. It’s a short fall; he hits the side of the ravine first and absorbs as much of the impact as he can before letting his body roll down to the bottom. It knocks the breath out of him so by the time his body stops he needs a few seconds to force air into his lungs again. 

He stops flat on his back, staring skyward and being pelted with raindrops as his ears buzz. Buck feels a little disconnected from his body but he knows from experience he just needs to give it a second or two and the shock will fade. 

Hen is shouting for him, and she sounds far away so he must have kept her on the trail they’d been following. That’s a good thing, he thinks, that she’s the one up top; it’ll probably be easier for him to climb out. 

By the third time she’s yelled his name, Buck has regained enough oxygen that he feels in control of his own body enough again to lift his hand in a thumbs up as he takes another few breaths to calm his still racing heart.  

It’s probably only a few minutes later but it feels like it takes forever for him to catch his breath and take stock of himself. He’s a little sore from the fall and rolling over rocks on the way down but he can move everything and has no pain when he finally gets back to his feet. 

Hen is a good 15 feet above him and after a quick assessment, Buck realizes that the wall of the ravine isn’t one he can climb due to a few reasons. The surface is mostly loose dirt with nothing he can see that’s stable enough for him to use as hand or footholds. It’s honestly almost too steep for him to climb safely without any extra gear. And he won’t have a lot of dexterity trying to climb if he keeps his turnouts on. They’ve kept him dry the last few hours but flexible they are not. 

“Hen, you good?” He calls up to her and she yells back that she’s fine. He gives her another thumbs up before turning around to assess the situation he’s found himself in. 

“Buckley to IC,” he says into his radio a couple times and then waits for a response. 

“This is the IC, go ahead Buckley, over,” comes over the radio after a minute and Buck explains as efficiently as he can his current predicament. 

“Wilson is uninjured. I can’t climb back out at this point, I think there might be some shorter spots downstream where I could climb out, over.” 

“Agreed. Based on your coordinates, if you can navigate safely in the ravine you should get to a point where you can get out, over.” 

“Will continue on said path. Will radio if conditions change, over.” 

Buck hooks the radio back on his holster and looks up at Hen again through the rain. 

“You take it easy up there and I’ll walk down here until we find a spot I can get out,” he yells, and she doesn’t look happy about it but she agrees to the plan. 

He doesn’t really care for the plan much either. Being at the bottom of the ravine is breaking pretty much all the rules he set out to the team on the truck. 

Walking in a low spot? Check.

Walking near rushing water? Check.

Walking with the current instead of against it? Also check. 

He’s done what he should in this situation though; he’s reported his location to the IC, and he wants to get closer to the trailhead so no one has to go out of their way to pull him out. He did what anyone else would do - try to keep his fellow firefighter safe. Still, Buck’s a little worried about what Bobby might do if Buck doesn’t get out of this predicament unscathed.

He really has no choice but to move forward and try to get himself out of this.

As he starts picking his way along the ravine floor he takes a minute to be grateful it’s him and not Hen that has to deal with this. He easily falls into a steady routine - take 4 steps then look up from his feet to make sure Hen is keeping pace with him. 

After a while Buck pauses to check their progress and realizes they’ve made it almost a mile and a half - halfway back to the trailhead. He looks up to let Hen know, but she’s not there. The crevasse he’s in narrows and curves only a few feet ahead of him off to the right though. Buck’s heart still kicks up a notch from the quick flash of anxiety that he’s lost Hen as he jogs to catch up with her. He’s so busy looking up, trying to catch sight of her turnouts that he doesn’t notice the water rising behind him until it’s too late. 

Buck has had a few moments in his life where it's felt like the rug was pulled out from under his feet. 

But nothing has felt quite as unsettling as having his feet washed out from beneath him by the rushing stream, knocking him literally on his ass and into the current. 

The only thing Buck thinks to himself is a string of expletives and then his brain does him a favor and starts looking for a way out of the water. 

He lets it carry him a few feet, even as the water rises around him, lifting him higher and higher as he looks for something to grab to get out. 

“Buck!” He thinks he hears from above him and spares a glance up at the trail to see Hen, safe and sound but looking as panicked as he feels. 

He focuses again as the water pulls him further downstream and notices a bigger rock on the edge. Buck leans in that way and as soon as he has his arms around the rock he tries to put his feet down. The water isn’t all that deep, but the current is so strong he can barely get his legs down to the bottom, even behind the rock. 

“Buck!” Hen shouts again but Buck doesn’t spare her another glance, too focused on keeping his grip and pulling himself out of the water an inch at a time. Once he has the top half of his body out of the stream he pauses to catch his breath as his legs float behind him. 

Hen is still shouting but Buck is too busy trying to crawl out of the water and back onto solid ground to respond. It takes him a few minutes but inch by inch he manages to get himself not only onto the rock but away from the edge of the water completely before he flops down on his back, propped up slightly by the wall of the ravine. He lost his helmet in the commotion but as he takes stock of himself once again he thinks the worst he’s got are some more bruises. He’s completely soaked to the bone now and not sure if the trembling in his hands is from the cold or the adrenaline. 

Buck comes back to the present, the buzzing in his ears dulling, when his radio garbles loudly on his chest but he can’t make out what’s being said. 

“Evan Buckley, you answer me right now!” Hen’s voice is yelling down at him from directly above his head. He tilts his head back to look up at her worried face. 

“I’m okay!” he finally replies with a shout, but he can’t seem to lift his hand to give her a thumbs up. He closes his eyes against the rain and focuses on listening to see if she says anything else. 

“You sure?” 

He gives himself another moment before he pats himself down but doesn’t come up with any injuries even as the adrenaline starts to fade. Between the rushing water, the rain and falls he’s taken in the last hour his hearing seems a little muffled but that’s a problem that can be addressed when he’s warm and dry. After another moment he hauls himself back to his feet and turns around to face Hen. 

“I think I’m good,” he yells again and she gives him a short nod, mouth pinched in stress. 

“My radio isn’t working anymore though. Let’s keep going, we’re only a couple miles away from the trailhead right?” 

“Yeah, less than that,” Hen answers, and Buck nods in acknowledgement. 

Buck sets off again, but it’s trickier now that the water has risen even higher and his wet gear is making him feel clumsy and uncoordinated. The wind and rain keeps him right on the edge of freezing cold as any heat he generates is immediately sapped away from his body by his wet clothes. He wants to tuck his hands under his armpits but he needs his arms free to keep his balance as he stumbles along on the loose rocks. 

He tries thinking warm thoughts, conjures up images of thick socks, cozy sweats, roaring fireplaces, Eddie naked.

Ooo that got him a little ember of warmth. 

Eddie in his LAFD uniform. Eddie in jeans and that soft henley that hugs his arms in all the right ways. Eddie napping in the afternoon sun, glowing golden brown on the couch. 

His daydream gets rudely interrupted when he looks up and sees he has nowhere left to walk. The wall of the ravine is still too tall, and his hands have gone numb from the cold, so he isn’t sure he could even get a good enough grip to climb even if it wasn’t. But the space at the bottom where he’s been walking narrows to be just wide enough for the water rushing through it now. 

They have to be close but he has no way to tell anymore where he and Hen are in relation to the team. He’s just considering his next move when Hen is there above him trying to get his attention. 

“It’s only narrow right there for about 5 feet then once you get around the curve the walls widen out and get short enough I think you could crawl out,” she’s telling him but all he hears is that he has to get back in the water. 

Has to risk the current pulling him away. 

What if there isn’t anything to grab onto like the rock? What if his hands are so numb and uncoordinated even if there is something, he won’t get a good grip on it? What if - 

He shakes himself, he can’t panic right now. He just has to let the water carry him for a few feet and then he’ll get out again. Just like he did the first time. And this time he’s prepared. He can do this. He can- 

Fuck he doesn’t want to do this. 

He turns to ask Hen if this is really the best plan, but she reads the look on his face when he does. 

“I think you can do this, Buck. There’s nothing downstream except more stream, okay? IC says we’ll fish you out if we have to but that you should try getting around this curve,” she tells him firmly, confidently. 

Buck shivers in the wind, cold to the bone and colder somehow but the fastest way he’s going to get warm is if he gets in the water and gets to the other side of the bend. He gives Hen a quick nod but doesn’t say anything as he turns to walk back to the water's edge. 

He allows himself a full minute of shaking out his hands, stomping his feet and generally just getting his blood pumping to try and feel like his brain isn’t as fuzzy around the edges. He wants to be as sharp as possible to get in and back out of the water as quickly as possible. 

He tries to remember what he’s supposed to do in this scenario - try to walk or skip right to swimming but his brain feels like mush. Trying to think feels like wading through molasses. There’s a small part of him that thinks that’s a bad thing but the bigger part of him wants to get around this corner, get out of the ravine and get back to Eddie. 

Hen doesn’t rush him but Buck knows he doesn’t have the luxury of time to keep waiting for the anxiety in his chest to settle back into something manageable. With hands clenched into fists he takes a deep breath and holds it as he steps into the rushing water again. 

The shock of cold water filling his boot and swirling around his leg is all he’s met with. He stays on his feet. Slowly he tries to take a step, dragging his foot along the bottom, feeling his way forward. Then another. And another. He’s in the middle of the narrow part before he realizes it and he lets his fists unfurl. The water is past his knees at this point but he can see the finish line now in front of him. 

One step at a time, he tells himself and slides his foot forward again but this time something in the current hits his foot, knocking it out from under him. Panic hits hard and fast and Buck windmills his arms to try and regain his balance but it’s no use. The water knocks him down again so he’s flat on his back, floating downstream in the frigid stream. 

White noise fills his ears as he bobs in the water. He flips over onto his front to try and swim for the shore but the water tugs him away from the low spot, he can’t get any purchase when he tries to stand again. Something clicks in his brain and all he knows is cold, rushing water and looking for something to grab and hold onto. 

Time starts to get slippery so he’s not sure how long it takes or how far he’s gone before he spots an actual tree growing angled over the water enough he thinks he can grab it. 

The next thing he knows the tree trunk is under his chest and armpits, his legs floating downstream behind him as he clings to his perch. His hands are so numb he can’t really even feel where he’s gripping the rough bark. 

All he really knows for a little while is cold, so cold it’s starting to hurt. 

His feet are well and truly numb the next time he’s aware of his surroundings. He wonders what brought him out of his adrenaline induced haze for a moment before he hears something other than the water or the blood pumping in his ears. 

“Buck!” 

That’s him. He’s supposed to do something. 

“Call out!” 

Oh, right. That. 

“Here,” he mumbles and thinks that’s not quite right. He needs to yell so whoever is looking for him can hear. Right? 

“Buckley!” 

“Here,” he answers, trying to raise his voice. 

“Buck!” 

“Here!” he finally shouts and then the tone of the person yelling for him in this weird game of Marco Polo changes. 

“Buck! I got him!” 

Hmm that sounds like Bobby. That makes sense, even to Buck’s fuzzy brain. 

“Don’t let go, Buck. I’m on my way,” Bobby (?) says, and Buck just stays where he is, arms locked around the tree, head resting on his own shoulder. 

Buck hears a splash in the water and opens his eyes to look up and see who fell in now. He’s a little concerned he doesn’t remember closing them, but he’s immediately distracted when he sees Bobby coming for him, rope in hand. There are more people behind Bobby, and Buck thinks maybe he should be embarrassed he ended up needing rescuing but he’s just… so tired. 

Then there are hands on him and he startles a little. 

“You’re okay, don’t let go yet okay?” 

Buck nods this time, wishing his brain wasn’t so foggy and he could figure out what he needs to do next. Then the hands are wiggling between Buck and the tree and his breath hitches in panic a little. He’s not supposed to let go, that’s keeping him from floating away. 

“I got you, Buck, I got you,” Bobby’s voice is saying so Buck relaxes and lets Bobby get his arms around him. They must have brought a winch because suddenly they’re moving, the rope around Buck’s middle tightens and it pulls them through the water and all the way back onto solid ground. 

The cold seems to grow and he feels a little nauseous, like he’s still in the water bobbing up and down. 

There are knuckles rubbing sharply on his chest and he groans. 

“You back with us Buckley?” a voice asks him from above him. 

“Did I go sm wre,” he mumbles and peels open his eyes to see who’s talking to him. 

There are people around him, working his gear off him that he doesn’t recognize, no Hen or Eddie.  Bobby is standing off to the side, wearing something strange on his legs, looking worried.

“Keep those eyes open, Buck,” Bobby calls, and Buck nods but it’s a difficult task to accomplish. 

“Can you tell me your name?” The guy next to him asks. 

“Evan Buckley. Buck.”

“Okay and do you know where you are?” 

“Laying on the ground?”

The guys around him laugh, but Bobby’s face twists again like that was the wrong answer. 

“Yeah, okay. Do you remember where you were before you went for a swim?”

“Griffith Park,” he says, but all this talking is exhausting him and he just has to close his eyes for a second. 

When he opens them again he’s no longer staring at the sky, but what looks like the ceiling of the ambulance. 

Well fuck. 

“Hey,” a very familiar voice says from above his head. 

Buck can feel he’s on a stretcher, in just his long sleeve and sweats and covered in at least two shock blankets. His boots and socks have even been taken off with the rest of his sodden gear. He’s still cold, but less painfully cold now. He can feel his feet and his hands again from where they must be wrapped in dry towels to help him warm up. 

But most of all he feels a thumb passing back and forth across his cheek, dragging warmth with it on each pass. 

“He’s awake again,” Eddie tells the paramedic Buck notices off to his left before he’s looking up at his boyfriend. 

“Hey,” Buck answers, voice rough, and Eddie’s eyes snap back to his. 

“Hey, babe,” he whispers with a soft smile, thumb still gently caressing Buck’s face. 

“How bad?” Buck asks, and Eddie’s mouth pinches before he answers. 

“Your cold water conditioning training didn’t save you from hypothermia this time,” Eddie tells him and the paramedic snorts. 

“He was a SEAL and he got trapped in a stream?” 

Buck feels his brow furrow and watches Eddie’s do the same as he stares the guy down. 

“I think even a SEAL would have trouble with 10 feet of water moving at 10 miles an hour wearing turnouts. But no, he wasn’t a SEAL,” Eddie bites back and Buck wants so badly to hold his hand but he doesn’t want to dislodge the blankets. “He’s got too big a heart to be a squid.” 

Buck can feel his face get warmer as he flushes from the compliment but he doesn’t have the energy to be embarrassed. He thinks it’s probably a good thing he’s got enough blood flow happening again that he blushes at all. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Maybe, 45 minutes? But you were in and out during that time,” Eddie explains and Buck nods. 

He feels like he maybe remembers flashes of being hauled out of the park, but it’s all fuzzy. It’s not as hard to keep his eyes open now, the cold is helping him focus instead of fogging up his mind. Buck stays awake and aware as they drive him to the nearest hospital to get checked out for hypothermia. The paramedic doesn't say much else but with the way Eddie is glaring at him Buck isn’t surprised. 

He gets taken to a room right away, his uniform is cut off and he finally, finally feels dry all over after they towel him off. Eddie has to back off while the staff get Buck undressed and resituated in a couple gowns and some of the grippy socks before being covered in warm blankets. He gets hooked up to a monitor that’s displaying his heart rate and oxygen levels. Only then does Eddie get to pull a chair up next to Buck and hold his hand under the blankets. 

He gets checked out by a tired ER doctor who decides since Buck has regained consciousness and alertness, and is shivering again that he is probably safely in the mild category of hypothermia. However, he wants to run some blood work and monitor Buck’s temperature and kidneys for at least the next few hours so Buck gets fully admitted to the hospital for that to happen. 

It’s not how he wanted to end his day, but at least he’s not alone. He’s had his fill of sitting in the emergency room all by himself. The fact that he has his partner with him for this makes all the difference. Even though Eddie goes out to get them both coffee while Buck gets moved from his triage bay to an actual room and has a few tests run, Buck knows he’ll be back as fast as he possibly can. 

Buck is settled in his room, covered in blankets fresh from the warmer and dozing off when Eddie walks back in the door, coffee in hand and Maddie behind him. 

“Hey, Mads,” Buck mumbles, with a tired smile.

Eddie walks past the bed to sit between the bed and the window, coffee in each hand he puts on the table next to the bed.  

“Hi, sweetie,” Maddie replies with a soft smile of her own as she approaches the bed with a tote bag she drops into his lap. 

He doesn’t have to wonder what she brought him for long as she opens it and starts to unpack it. 

“I stopped by your place and grabbed some stuff. Borrowed scrubs from here aren’t going to get you warm very quickly. I brought layers you can pick from,” she explains and Buck’s so grateful it makes his heart hurt. 

“Oh, you’re the best,” Buck gushes as she puts a beanie on his head before wrapping him in a hug. 

“Literally the least I could do,” she answers with a smile and a quick squeeze of his hand. 

Despite the wave of cold it causes, Buck sits up to rifle through the clothes she brought. He gets dressed as quickly as he can in a t-shirt under a hoodie and pulls on sweatpants under the blankets. Maddie is settled into the second chair next to Eddie by the time Buck is fully dressed and resituated under his blankets. 

“Oh yeah, much better,” Buck sighs, as he relaxes back into the pillow, closing his eyes and taking a moment to just feel. He’s so content in that moment, finally starting to feel warm, his partner and sister there keeping him company. If he has to be in the hospital, this is the best way to do it. His thoughts start to wander, and he sighs again when he thinks back to what landed him in his current position. 

“So, how pissed is Bobby?” he asks, looking over at Eddie who shrugs. 

“Bobby is not pissed,” a voice says from the doorway, and Buck looks over to see Bobby standing there in street clothes, Athena at his side. “Just worried,” Bobby continues and steps into the room. 

“What’s the verdict?” 

“So far so good, Cap,” Buck quickly reassures, sitting up but Bobby puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back, and fixes the blanket so it’s covering him completely again.  “I’m just being monitored while I warm up at this point, keeping an eye on my kidneys I think he said,” Buck explains, looking to Eddie to confirm that’s what the doctor had said earlier. 

Eddie nods and Bobby gives Buck’s shoulder a pat before he steps back to let Athena lean in and hug Buck gently. After she releases him, she cups his cheek with her warm hand and Buck can’t help but lean into the touch when she smiles at him. After a moment she pulls back but just so she can fish her hand under the blanket and take his hand in hers. 

Buck doesn’t quite know how to feel as he sits there, boyfriend and sister on one side, Bobby and Athena on the other. After the conversation dwindles, Buck hesitantly asks Bobby the question he’s been worried about since he fell in the ravine in the first place.

“You’re really not mad?” he asks quietly and Bobby shakes his head and his mouth is open to say something when Hen’s voice comes from the doorway. 

“You did everything you were told to, Buckaroo.” 

“You just continue to have the worst luck,” Chim adds as they walk into the room, standing at the end of the bed. 

“Hey guys,” Buck greets, sure that the surprise he’s feeling is written all over his face. Athena gives his hand a little squeeze. 

“Fix your face, Buckley, of course we came to check on you,” Hen scolds and he pouts exaggeratedly at her. 

He’s overwhelmed in the best way possible as his little family chats around him. 

“We’ve got a party going on in here,” a new voice says and a nurse walks in the room, taking in all the people surrounding Buck’s bed. Bobby and Athena both step back to make space for her to approach Buck. She’s on the petite side, but strong. There’s something about her that feels familiar but with how often he’s at a hospital, either for himself or work, his first thought is he’s just seen her in passing before. 

“Hello Mr Buckley, my name is Jen,” she introduces as she approaches, his chart in her hands. 

“I’m going to be your nurse for the next few hours, do you…”

She trails off and gives Buck a confused look now that she’s at his side. After a moment Buck has to ask her if they’ve met before, that feeling that he knows her from somewhere steadily growing. He still can’t place her though.

“Have we met before?” 

“I think so? Maybe the hat is throwing me,” she offers, and he works a hand out from under the blanket to pull it off. Once he runs his hand through his hair, fluffing it back up her face lights up in recognition and she points at him. 

“Santa Monica. The tsunami,” she says, and Buck’s stomach drops. 

Even months later he really hates being reminded of that day. Her face twists as her eyes well up. 

“We thought. We thought you died. Did you, did your son-” 

“He’s okay,” Buck rushes to reassure, hoping she doesn’t actually cry.

“Somebody pulled him out of the water again, and he found his dad at the VA,” Buck explains with a gesture towards Eddie. 

“Oh thank god,” she sighs in relief, hand to her chest, “we were all so worried.”

That kind of throws Buck for a loop, he never imagined anyone was worried about him that day. There was a natural disaster. He figured everyone was worried about themselves and their loved ones, not strangers. 

“You were worried…about me?” he asks, confused. 

“Obviously? You saved us all,” she responds like he’s being ridiculous. 

Buck looks away, but he still sees his friends exchanging looks in his peripherals. Nurse Jen must see them too and senses the confusion in the room. The warm, content feeling in Buck’s chest is rapidly disappearing. He doesn’t talk about that day for a reason. But he doesn’t see a way out of this conversation now that it's started. 

“Do they not know what you did?” she asks, and Buck just shakes his head. 

Jen huffs but starts to check his vitals.

“Your friend here pulled over a dozen people out of the water after the tsunami,” she explains before Buck can say anything to stop her. 

“Pulled us all up onto a firetruck. When we were waiting for rescue most of us exchanged names and ways to get in contact. We tried to find you actually. Made a few posts on social media even but all we ever found were more people you’d helped that day,” Jen tells them all while she efficiently updates his chart before she shoves her hands in her pockets and turns to the group.  

“More than a dozen? How many people are we talking about here?” Chim asks. 

Buck looks up at the tone of his voice and finds everyone looking at Jen with curiosity. Everyone except Eddie who is looking worriedly at Buck. Buck gets his other hand out from under the blanket and reaches for Eddie’s to hold. He gives Eddie a small smile when he immediately grips Buck’s hand with both of his. 

“There were 14 of us on top of the firetruck. I think the last time I counted we’d found at least 10 more people he helped throughout the day,” Jen explains meanwhile. 

“Damn, Buck. That’s like superhero level,” Hen praises but Buck doesn’t want to hear it. 

He shakes his head in disagreement. 

“Come on, I’m not a hero, I was just doing my job,” he tells her. 

“Not that day you weren’t,” Bobby cuts in.

“That day you were just being yourself.”

“Bobby,” Buck starts to dispute, but Bobby lifts a hand and cuts him off instead. 

“Don’t argue with me, kid. You will always do what you can to help people, even to your own detriment. Whether you’re throwing someone in a cold shower after they relapsed, doing repairs at a coworker’s house, diving into a freezing marina to save some kids, or helping people after a natural disaster. You help people, that’s who you are.”

Buck opens his mouth, but he honestly doesn’t know what to say to that. Bobby just summed up what he’s been working so hard to show these people he loves. He’s learned so much since he left his parents house

“Just take the compliment, babe,” Eddie says with a squeeze of his hand and Buck closes his mouth again with a snap. 

“You’re a good man, Mr. Buckley,” Jen agrees with a hand on his shoulder. 

“You let me know if you need anything, otherwise keep those blankets on, and I’ll be back in a little while,” she says before she leaves the room. 

Buck uses his free hand to put his beanie back on and lays back against the pillows. His family is talking quietly around him, but no one is talking to him for the moment which he appreciates. He needs a minute. 

After the tsunami, no one made him talk about it more than he wanted to. And since he didn’t want to relive being thrown around by the wave, being separated from Christopher, walking for miles in a haze as he searched, he never wanted to bring it up in conversation. 

That day still feels like one of his biggest failures, no matter what anyone has tried to tell him. He didn’t keep Christpher safe, didn’t double and triple check that Chris was secure on the truck as the receding wave hit it. 

There’s a part of him that thinks he deserved the injuries and anguish from that day for what Chris had to endure. 

Being reminded of the good he did that day doesn’t wash away the guilt he’s carried since then. But as he looks around the room again he thinks maybe he’s gotten everything he was wishing for back when he started at the 118. He’s gotten these people who care about him, see him for who he is and love him anyway, who give him grace for his mistakes and don’t hold them against him. 

It took a lot of practice and work and trial and error but he did it. He made himself this little family - old and new mushed together in the best possible way. 

After he’s been quiet for a few minutes, Eddie squeezes his hand and Buck looks over to the man he loves so much. 

“You okay?” Eddie asks quietly and Buck smiles, before he tugs on Eddie’s hand until he stands up. 

Buck keeps tugging until Eddie gets the hint and rolls his eyes but leans in to kiss Buck anyway. 

“Perfect.”