Archive of Our Own

For Wolfwood, it all started when her brother-in-arms sent her a Facebook post of the DILF he’d been seeing at a garden party standing next to the two most ASDFGHJKL women she’d ever seen. They were tall and blonde, one with paler hair and a few greys, the other with laugh lines around her eyes.

A second later, Livio sent a follow-up text.

Bro-vio: You like?

Milfwood: I do.

Bro-vio: I thought you would. The fairer one is Nai, the smiling one is Vash. They’re twins.

Wolfwood stared hard at the picture. Nai stood with perfect posture and wore pretty blue heels and a pretty blue dress. She didn’t smile but she didn’t seem displeased. She angled her body around her sister, not quite protectively but… a little possessive. Vash was beaming at the camera, bright blue eyes curved in obvious joy, a hint of pale lipstick on her lips. Compared to the people in the background, she seemed a little under-dressed at first glance, but Wolfwood knew Armani when she saw it and that tight little cropped sports-singlet was worth just as much as anything the old money crowd in the picture was wearing. Her stance was open and friendly but what delighted Wolfwood was the peak of the nails on the arm that disappeared behind her sister, appearing at Nai’s waist.

Bro-vio: I know you’re at a loss for words right now

Bro-vio: But I need you to breathe

Wolfwood: They’re stunning but I’m not THAT horny

Bro-vio: Because they live about ten doors up from you

…

Step 1: interact with them normally.

Wolfwood had done her research – a prerequisite for any step in the process. There were twenty people living on her street who were friendly and sociable enough to attend a house-warming party on short notice. Out of them, five had children who her invites STRONGLY IMPLIED shouldn’t attend. Of the fifteen remaining, nine worked regular or overtime hours, and so would be unavailable during the weekdays. Two more were doctors who worked Tuesdays.

So on Tuesday, lunchtime, only four households arrived at her front-door. Milly and Meryl from directly across the street arrived first, Milly dragging along her spouse a few minutes early and greeting Wolfwood excitedly. Though far too young for her tastes, Wolfwood mentally added a side-quest to her plan to befriend the girl.

Then Vash and Nai showed up with a bag of doughnuts and extremely healthy looking muffins respectively and Wolfwood no longer cared about other guests.

“A small turn out,” Nai stated, glancing about Wolfwood’s kitchen.

“Nai!” Vash chided. “Sorry, hi! I’m Vash Savrem, and this is my sister Nai. We live at thirty-six. Thank you for inviting us over! It’s great to see new faces around here.”

“These muffins are gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, carb free and vegan friendly,” Nai held out the tray politely, pale-painted lips in a neutral line. “Freshly baked.”

“Thank you,” Wolfwood smiled at her, making sure to show a bit of tooth. “They look great! I’m Nicola D. Wolfwood. You can call me Nico or Wolfwood, whichever you prefer. It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

“Oh hey, is that Meryl?” Vash glanced over Wolfwood’s shoulder. “Hell yeah! Hey, who else is coming?”

“Ah, I must have picked an awful day for this, but only two other households RSVP’d. Fourteen and twenty-two.”

“Speaking of, you’ve lived here for three months now,” Nai raised an elegant brow. “Why host a house-warming luncheon after so long?”

“I’ve been busy with work mostly, and getting the house prepared. I wanted to scope out the neighbourhood too, get a feel of the place and all. Thanks for finding the time to attend,” Wolfwood spoke while busying herself with the coffee machine. “Do either of you take coffee?”

“Tea, actually,” Vash said apologetically.

“Ah, all good,” Wolfwood grinned and removed a hastily-well-loved and half empty tea tin from a shelf. It was a favourite of the twins. “Will this do?”

“Oh, we buy that brand,” Nai sounded pleased. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Wolfwood could feel eyes on her back as she put the kettle on and added three tea bags to three cups then turned the kettle off when small strings of bubbles began to form. She had researched very well indeed.

She presented them with the cups.

“Sugar?” she offered.

“Not for me, but three cubes for Nai,” Vash smiled, taking her cup. She breathed in the vapour and started blowing on it softly.

Tearing her eyes away, Wolfwood hastily retrieved her sugar tin and doled out the appropriate amount, letting Nai stir them in herself.

The other guests were quick to arrive and eventually Wolfwood had seven strangers sitting at her table.

“So what do you do for work Wolfwood?” Milly asked, eagerly feasting on the snacks and sandwiches Wolfwood had set out.

“I work in construction,” Wolfwood answered, not daring to look towards the twins. “If you ever need any work done, I’m your gal. Re-modelling, extensions, you name it. How about you two?”

She winked at her and grinned then leaned back in her chair, straightening her shoulders. She hadn’t dressed too risqué, lest she come on too fast. In truth, she wore more or less what she’d usually wear about the house or out to the shops. A pair of her nice jeans, ones not stained with paint and oil, and a singlet that was just a size too small for her, enough so that it was tight around the chest and rode up a crack over her stomach when she moved to reveal just a sliver of skin. She took off her flannel cardigan to eat, making sure to face away from the twins while doing so, so they could see the muscles of her back and shoulders.

“We may not look it, but we work at an insurance firm!” Milly said proudly.

“We used to go around appraising estates and verifying claims but recently we were promoted to desk jobs,” Meryl groaned.

“It’s how we met,” Vash added and Wolfwood took the opportunity to finally look at her. “We, ah, well. Nai and I came into a bit of money and the insurance girls helped make sure it was all ours!”

The luncheon progressed smoothly, almost too smoothly. By three, her guests had started to leave and, to her utter delight, Vash volunteered to help her wash up.

“If it ain’t too much of a bother, that’d be great,” Wolfwood dialled the charm to a natural-feeling six. “The leftovers will make great meal-prep too.”

“Ah, so the real reason for this party was the snacks. I understand that on a soul-deep level,” Vash grinned.

“You got me blondie, every few months I move house just for these parties. It’s free food, it’s only economical,” Wolfwood admitted. “If I portion all this correctly, it’ll last me until my next housing offer goes through.”

Vash laughed. “I’ll sure miss you. Invite us to the next one too, won’t you?”

“’Course. You’re eying up the rest of the doughnuts, feel free to sneak them out. So long as I get to keep the rest of those muffins. I had no idea rabbit food could taste that good,” Wolfwood sighed. Nai’s muffins had been, somehow, incredibly delicious, and she knew for a fact they contained celery.

“Yeah, that’s Nai for you. She’s mastered the art of taking everything good out of food without letting you know. I think she finds it funny.”

They split the chore with Vash drying and Wolfwood drying up and Nai watching them both from the kitchen counter. A glance into the window over the sink and Wolfwood could see that Nai’s eyes were roaming them both appreciatively.

“We’re in need of a gazebo,” Nai said abruptly, just as they finished up. “We have a large yard that needs somewhere shaded to sit.”

“Hmm, how big are we talking?” Wolfwood took it in stride, pretended like she didn’t know that Nai had mentioned wanting a gazebo in a conversation with Livio’s DILF boyfriend, which Livio had dutifully reported back to her – pretended like her heart wasn’t about to pound out of her chest.

“Enough for a few people to lie down or sit up,” Nai answered. “Something airy but private.”

“I could recommend you a few people for that—”

“Are you rescinding your offer?”

“Or I could come over and take a look myself,” Wolfwood continued, inwardly pleased at her sharp tone. “It’s good weather for concrete if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Wood, actually,” Vash corrected. “If you mean for the base. We were thinking all wooden, something we could dissemble and move if we decide to change the landscape… but who knows?”

“Easy,” Wolfwood’s business mind was happy to take over for a moment. “If you two cover materials, I’m happy to work on it on my off-days. I desperately need a project.”

…

Step 2: make yourself appealing to them.

Wolfwood had always considered herself quite forward. One time, when she was six, she had asked a financial donor to the orphanage, who had been visiting for a tour, to marry her. The woman had been amused enough to double her donation, which was a welcome benefit, but Wolfwood had been completely serious at the time.

But for all that she was forward, somehow, Vash was even more so.

Wolfwood woke early to a knock on her front door. She tossed on a fluffy dressing gown and went down the stairs to answer it, expecting the mailman or something. Instead, she was met with Vash wearing nothing but underwear and a thin t-shirt, pushing past her and darting for one of the blankets on the lounge.

Wolfwood, mind instantly alert, memorised every inch of skin she could see before pretending to look away once Vash turned back around.

“Not that I ain’t happy to see ya blondie,” Wolfwood began. “But I can’t help but wonder why a pretty lady like you is showing up at my house at eight AM in her knickers.”

“Oh, um,” Vash turned a pretty shade of red. Wrapped in Wolfwood’s blankets she looked like a comfortable but embarrassed caterpillar in its cocoon. “I tend to wake up early, and I was excited about you coming over today. So. I panicked and thought ‘oh no, I didn’t give her our address’, and drove over. Then I made it halfway to your door and realised that you delivered those invites to us, so of course you know where we live. Then I realised I hadn’t gotten dressed.”

Tired, Wolfwood asked honestly, “…Vash, I hate to say it when we’ve only just met, but you’re a bit of a mess, aren’t you?”

Vash sighed in defeat and buried her face in her hands. “Yes.”

Caught between amusement, bewilderment and disbelief, Wolfwood cackled loud and wild, bowled over and clutching her stomach.

“Oh Blondie!” she cried. “What a wonder!”

“I… I just wanted to make a good impression,” Vash groaned.

“It’s alright,” Wolfwood brushed her hair out of her eyes, realising with panic that she was a mess. A glance to the hall mirror confirmed splotchy skin, a birds nest atop her head and sleep dust in one eye. “…I’ll go clean up and bring you a pair of pants.”

“Oh, it’s alright. You don’t need to get dressed, you look fine,” Vash assured her kindly. “But a pair of pants would be appreciated.”

Wolfwood considered letting her robe fall open to show Vash their complimentary sleeping attire, but decided that would be coming on too strong.

“Nah, I’m awake now so I might as well,” she shrugged. “’Sides, it’s rude to go topless in front of guests.”

“Top… less…” Vash tilted her head cutely in confusion and Wolfwood headed back up the stairs. She watched in the same mirror as Vash’s eyes widened when she realised what she meant.

Once she was back in her room, trying not to panic too hard, Wolfwood gave herself a moment to breathe and refocus at her dressing table. It was a vintage piece that appealed to her vague sense of femininity, and the artisan inside of her. Many of the wooden furniture pieces in her house were either thrifted or she’d made them herself. Much as she wanted to go for sexy, she knew the best way to fit in with her surroundings in that casual-stunning way she was going for would be to pick a singlet and make use of her early-morning/dehydrated/haven’t-eaten-yet stomach. She found a stylistically weathered black singlet with lace trim around edges.

As the four-minute timer she’d given herself ran down, Wolfwood realised that picking an appropriately enticing top was not as difficult as finding pants that would make Vash want to fuck her. First and foremost, she wanted her to be comfortable – Vash seemed to prefer slimmer track-suit pants and leggings, but she also wanted to take advantage of their size difference and let Vash know that her thighs were, in fact, as thick as they looked.

Then she smacked herself for overthinking and picked her only clean pair. She brushed her hair back, successfully taming it into something ‘effortless’, and made her way down stairs once more.

“Catch,” she called, tossing the balled up pants across the room. To her delight, Vash burst free from her blankets and caught them excitedly. “Nice.”

“Nice throw,” Vash grinned. She pulled the pants on quickly then stretched her limbs out, yawning lightly.

“Hey, since you’re here, wanna stay for breakfast?”

“Depends. Will it be cereal?” Vash asked.

“I have corn-flakes if you want, but I was thinking since you’re here, I could make special pancakes,” Wolfwood gave her a sly look.

“Will they have real sugar?” Vash whispered.

“And whole milk.”

“Please, please, please Nico! I’ve been eating rabbit food and occasionally Krispy-Kreme for years! I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”

They moved to the kitchen where Vash slumped over the counter. “Nai’s the only one of us who can cook and she always cooks these awful healthy meals like I haven’t watched her down six big-macs and a sundae in one sitting. Do you know what the worst part is?”

“What?” Wolfwood asked. As Vash spoke, she had gathered ingredients and begun eyeballing quantities into a mixing bowl.

“They taste delicious.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Vash wailed. “You don’t understand! All I want is for my teeth to ache and my arteries to clog! Is that too much to ask? I just need sugar, man!”

“Maybe she’s compensating for your… sweet personality,” Wolfwood joked.

“Pfft, more like her bitterness seeps out into her cooking, except it’s delicious, so it’s more like her tastiness extends… wait, that doesn’t work—”

…

Step 3: prove your worth.

Nai had arranged a delivery of supplies to arrive precisely an hour before Wolfwood was due to begin construction. After she had shown up with her sister early the week prior in order to do her survey, Wolfwood had written down a list of suppliers and materials and Nai had scheduled accordingly.

However, in typical Vash fashion, her sister had swept her plans aside like a human typhoon and invited Wolfwood to arrive an hour earlier to ‘help unload’. The point of Wolfwood arriving after the supplies was so that Nai would have time to inspect what she’d ordered, and show off her well-preparedness.

But in typical Vash fashion, it had turned out for the better.

Wolfwood barely grunted as she lifted a stack of timber supports over her shoulder with one arm and dragged a wheelbarrow of concrete with her other, helping the dazed looking delivery men transfer materials from the truck to the back yard. Nai watched from the window, sipping tea and peeking through white curtains while Vash helped by carrying small boxes of nails and gawked at Wolfwood’s muscles from up close.

…

During the first week of construction, Wolfwood mostly spent her off-days setting up equipment at the twins’ house and cutting materials down to size. The weight of two sets of eyes watching her every move was energising. She particularly enjoyed when ‘the heat became too much’ and she had to roll up her singlet and show off a bit of underboob. Nai didn’t seem to realise that sound carries whenever she dropped her teacup or bumped her head against the window from where she watched from the house, and Vash certainly didn’t try to hide her little squeaks as she watched on from the back porch.

During the second week, Wolfwood was handed a spare set of keys.

“Where are you two off to?” she asked, wiping sweat from her brow with the hem of her shirt. She didn’t wear a bra unless she had to be professional.

“Vash has her annual tune-up and our doctor lives in a different state. We usually turn the trip into a week-long holiday so she can acclimate to any potential adjustments,” Nai informed her. Usually her tone was bland and blasé, but she had been growing more expressive with their every interaction. The corners of her lips twitched up as she added, “Vash likes to call it her ‘disability week’.”

Wolfwood grinned dutifully. “Might as well get something out of it.”

“Beware, she likes to make jokes about cannibalism around this time as well.”

As if on cue, Vash bounded out onto the porch to join them, carrying two ice-cold lemonades for herself and Wolfwood.

“Thanks spikey,” Wolfwood took her can and gently toasted Vash. Vash then turned to her sister to replicate the gesture with Nai’s tea, and Nai completed the circle with Wolfwood.

“I love lemonade,” Vash beamed. She had been buzzing to have some since Nai brought the small case home and told her she was allowed to drink it so long as Wolfwood was also having some.

“It’s pretty good,” Wolfwood agreed, taking a sip and sighing as the cold liquid slid down her throat.

“Heathens, the both of you,” Nai admonished.

“I know you prefer human flesh Nai,” Vash rolled her eyes.

“See what I mean, Nicola?” Nai sighed, placing down her teacup. “You’re going to make her think I ate someone.”

“You did.”

“You know that’s not how it works!” Nai seemed worked up but not quite distressed yet.

“It’s all cool Nai,” Wolfwood shrugged. “I eat women too, though not in the Hannibal sense, mind.”

Vash snorted, almost spilling her drink.

“Not you too.”

“Hah,” Vash sat on one of the deck chairs, shuffling her shoulders to get comfortable.

After a long pause, Wolfwood spoke up, falsely concerned. “Did you eat someone?”

“For fuck’s sake. We were conjoined twins,” Nai groaned.

“Nai tried to eat me.”

“Absorb. The word is absorb. And I would argue you tried to feed yourself to me instead!”

“It’s why I only have fifty percent of my limbs. The doctor looked at Nai’s fluffy white head and thought she was albino, then assumed she’d be blind, and then decided that she should get the limbs to make up for the disadvantage,” Vash laughed. “Jokes on the doctor, because I need glasses.”

“That’s a blatant invention, it doesn’t work like that.”

“I’m sorry, who studied microbiology?”

“You,” Nai answered reluctantly.

“Damn right I did. So you, legally, can’t disagree,” Vash took a long swig of lemonade then let out a sigh of pure pleasure.

“Huh. I could have sworn I heard Livio mention ‘something-something shark attack’. That would have been way cooler,” Wolfwood spoke without thinking.

“Livio?” Nai raised a brow.

Playing it off, Wolfwood nodded. “Yeah, my brother. Turns out he’s seeing an acquaintance of yours or something.”

“Well I don’t know where he got ‘shark attack’ from, but—” Vash smiled but her sister cut her off.

“He probably meant the tragic death of my husband. He was lost at sea in a boating accident. He was never the best swimmer and refused to wear a life-jacket,” Nai’s posture became precise and her voice even and controlled. She picked up her teacup and, before taking another sip, added, “That was nearly fifteen years ago, however. So do not offer consolation.”

“You mean your loveliness could not buoy him to safety?”

Nai nearly choked on her tea.

“Hah, she got you there,” Vash snickered.

The twins returned in week three, just in time to watch Wolfwood finish laying the brick foundations around the support posts. She had taken advantage of their absence to be as ungraceful as she liked, digging out space for gravel and levelling the surface for pavement. Before they left, the twins decided they’d prefer something more permanent for the gazebo.

“Wolfwood!” Vash called across the garden from where their car had just pulled into the garage. “We’re back!”

“Hey! Need help with your bags?” Wolfwood called back.

“No!” Nai returned urgently. “You’re not allowed inside the house! You’re covered in dirt!”

Wolfwood laughed.

They had dinner together that night in the cool of the evening. Afterwards, Nai brought a large jar of mixed nuts to the table for them to pick on while they spoke, mostly sharing stories of their holiday.

“You like brazil nuts, Spikey?” Wolfwood asked idly.

“Yeah, they require the least amount of work for the most amount of profit,” Vash nodded.

“She means she’s too lazy for pistachios,” Nai smiled.

Wolfwood reached across the table for the jar and shook it lightly, gently allowing the smaller nuts to trickle to the bottom, leaving the bigger ones on top.

“Tada,” she grinned.

“Huh,” Vash plucked a nut from the jar. “That would have come in handy.”

“Sedimentary filtration,” Nai blinked.

“Sharp as knives you are,” Wolfwood complimented. “Spikey and Knives, hah. I saw it on a kid’s backyard science show when I was a kid. Let me tell you; fucking magical to a five-year-old. They had a whole segment on cooking potatoes—you alright?”

“…yes,” Nai said after a moment. “Just… You can call me Knives. I actually like it. I was thinking of a metaphor, is all.”

“About things being buried coming to light?” Wolfwood asked.

“What do you mean by that?” Vash sounded a little sharp.

“Like the nuts?” Wolfwood pointed to the jar.

By week five, the gazebo structure was complete and it was time to prime and pick paint colours.

“I’d advise something pale, on the lighter end of the spectrum, to reduce heat,” Woflwood said, arms crossed, reading through the signs of the fancy paint shop Nai had dragged her to.

“Ooh, what about this?” Vash held up a colour card and pointed to the segment labelled ‘firetruck red’.

“I was thinking more white,” Nai scrunched up her nose in distaste.

Nai really had some sort of vendetta against colour, Wolfwood had realised after seeing the woman wear only pale, neutral accent colours to mostly white ensembles for nearly two months. She almost came off as a washed out version of her sister, but when you looked closer at the two, it became obvious that that wasn’t the case at all. Vash was bold and bright, but while surely more delicate, Nai had an otherworldliness to her. Where Vash might be a particularly excited Martian, Nai was the space-jellyfish floating along, calm and dignified and probably quite deadly.

Undoubtedly quite deadly.

“But all white is boring!” Vash complained.

“She’s right, it would look like a mausoleum,” Wolfwood agreed. “Why not a few olive accents, or maybe seafoam?”

“…the seafoam is nice,” Nai admitted.

“Yeah, don’t want it looking like a mausoleum,” Vash laughed, a little awkwardly then held up her red choice once more. “Or like, a warning sign.”

In the end, the gazebo ended up being painted like a minty, but Wolfwood didn’t want to draw attention to it.

…

Step 4: move in, apparently.

Wolfwood wasn’t sure what sort of mental group-gymnastics the three of them performed, but at the three-month mark, she was left watching the moving company pack away her furniture, only to drive it half a kilometre up the road and unload it again.

“You should definitely move in with us,” Vash had said over lunch. They had met at a café for lunch, Nai in her Sunday best as usual, to discuss construction of a potential holiday cabin in the woods on a piece of private land the twins owned out in the middle of nowhere. Though the weather was declining, and they would likely not be able to begin until the following year, the land already had a property they rented out as a bed and breakfast. The plan would be to stay at the property while the cabin was being constructed.

Not that she didn’t want to agree immediately, but Wolfwood had to ask why.

“As practise,” Vash explained. “We’ll be staying at the property as well, while you’re building the cabin, and it will probably take a while, right? So we should practise living together so it doesn’t all turn to shit later.”

“Aww, wanna watch me get all hot and sweaty again?”

“Yes,” Nai answered, then seemed to hear herself. “By which I mean, we enjoy supervising. Your efforts.”

“Sure, Knives,” Wolfwood grinned. “Supervise. I should get you two water guns so you can make yourselves useful.”

“By… non-leathally defending you from intruders?” Vash asked.

“Cooling me down.”

Nai laughed, bumping her head against her sister’s shoulder.

“Sure then,” Wolfwood said. “I wouldn’t mind living with two pretty ladies like yourselves.”

So now they live together.

…

Step 5: confess

Wolfwood was happily planting trees in the garden, a task Nai was actually willing to assist her with as she had an affinity for plants, when she received a phone call.

“Hello, Wolfwood speaking— Ma! How ya been?” she grinned, sandwiching the phone between her ear and shoulder while she put down her tools and removed her gardening gloves.

Nai paused her watering to listen in.

Wolfwood suddenly went pale. “Shit. Yep, on my way now, I’ll be there in… maybe twenty?”

She hung up.

“Sorry Knives, emergency,” she stood and hurried towards her car.

“I’ll drive,” Nai decided, following after her. “Vash! Emergency!”

Vash shot up from her spot reading in the gazebo and ran over to meet them.

“Where are we going,” Nai asked, already unlocking her car.

“December Orphanage, it’s over near—”

“I know the place,” Nai nodded. Once all three of them were in the car and buckled in, she set off without any preamble. “I visited the place… oh, twenty-something years ago? My ex and I were visiting charities to make donations.”

“What’s happening?” Vash asked, completely lost.

“I volunteer there whenever I can, and send money every so often. One of the kids, Zazie, is prone to running off, chasing bugs and shit. Unfortunately, they get lost real easy and I’m the only one who seems to be able to find them. They get panic attacks whenever they don’t know where they are, so whenever they, or any of the other kids, need it, Ma calls me over to help,” Wolfwood explained.

“Your mother runs the place?” Nai asked. “Madam Melanie, right?”

“Actually, I was one of the kids there once. Never got adopted and ended up ageing out, but she was like a mother to me and Livio, so. Yeah,” she shrugged. “Good memory.”

“It was a memorable excursion. A little girl asked me to marry her,” Nai gave a small grin. “It was very sweet.”

Wolfwood froze. “Twenty-something years, you said?”

“About that.”

“No way,” Vash muttered. “Oh that’s gold.”

“What’s…” Nai glanced sideways at Wolfwood, took in her flaming cheeks and humiliated expression, and cackled. “Nicola, do you happen to know the little girl I’m talking about?”

“No.”

“Nico, are you lying?” Vash asked, leaning forward from the back seat to drape her arms around her.

“Fuck. I. Look, I was small and ambitious, and you were very, very pretty, and I was willing to ignore the husband,” Wolfwood forced out the words quickly. “You and this sub I had for science once made very big impressions on my younger self.”

Nai glanced in the rear-view mirror at her sister, who had covered her mouth to withhold her laughter. Vash met her gaze and shook her head slowly.

“Certainly explains your thing for blondes,” Nai commented.

“Yeah… hey!” Wolfwood glared.

An hour later, Wolfwood held a small child and said child’s new beetle friend in her arms as she carried them up the creek bed to the main path and back to the orphanage. As she consoled them, stroking their back and asking distracting questions about the beetle, Vash and Nai glanced at each other once more, following behind her. They exchanged a small nod. It was time.

“Hey, Nai and I like to do a date-night every so often. Get dressed up, eat in the comfort of our own dining room, cuddle up and watch Netflix… relax a little afterwards. You should join us. I’ve always wanted to see you dressed up,” Vash said during the car ride back.

“I saw that little black dress of yours when we moved in your belongings,” Nai agreed. “Didn’t think you knew the word ‘dress’.”

“That so?” Wolfwood’s grin was nearly feral. “I’ll have you know, if you think I’m hot now, I’m utterly irresistible in a dress. When are you thinking?”

“Tonight,” Nai answered. “I’ll set it all up, don’t worry about it.”

“Sounds good then. You’ll forgive me if I disappear once we get home to prepare.”

“Wow us, Wolfwood,” Vash teased.

…

That night, in a black dress that clung to her like oil, hair neat and pinned back with little cross-clips, Wolfwood sauntered out to the gazebo, crossing the grass in sandals before slipping them off to join the twins with crossed legs on the comfortable benches. Vash wore a red halter dress with a zipper down the front and Nai wore a white blouse and pale blue pencil skirt. Excitedly, Wolfwood noted they’d both be very easy to undress.

Nai had set up candles and flowers on the table and began pouring her a wine glass of water as soon as she sat down. She nearly overfilled it, staring.

“Shit Wolfy,” Vash murmured.

“Told’ja Spikey,” Wolfwood grinned. She had pulled all the stops: cleaned and trimmed nails, the lightest sprinkle of sparkle-dust, a faint perfume and a hint of lip-gloss. She wanted to eat the two women in front of her.

“You look ‘irresistible’ as promised, Nicola,” Nai acknowledged, inclining her head. “We hope you realise, when we asked you on this date, we meant it as a real date. Not a ‘girl’s night’ or a ‘sister bonding night’.”

“We mean an actual, romantic date,” Vash finished. “We, uh, should probably confess something to you though, before we start anything.”

“I think I know what it is,” Wolfwood smiled softly.

“But still, we want to make things clear. Vash and I…”

“Killed your ex-husband and buried him in the yard.”

“Are sleeping together—what?” Nai choked.

Vash thumped her back, glancing worriedly at Wolfwood.

“Oh that,” Wolfwood’s cheeks turned pink. She took a sip of water. “Yeah, I know.”

“That… that…” Nai breathed in deep and settled herself. “How?”

“You’re the only one who wears pale pink lipstick, Vash prefers bright red. I saw a picture of you two on Facebook at a party. Vash had pink on her lips. We’ve also been living together for a month,” Wolfwood shrugged. “It wasn’t obvious, but I was lookin’.”

“Not. That,” Nai said.

“How did you know about Conrad,” Vash asked, eerily calm.

“Well. I did try to hint…”

“The nuts,” Nai breathed.

“The paint,” Vash added.

“I had to dig, to put this floor in yanno. Don’t worry though, his bones are smashed to pieces and encased in concrete,” Wolfwood assured them, smiling bright and proud. “I did say ‘I was willing to ignore the husband’.”

“Nicola,” Nai began.

“Yes Knives?”

“Nico?”

“Yes Spikey?”

“Let’s go to bed,” the twins spoke in unison.

Success!

…

Step 6: Deal with the consequences of your actions.

Nai had always been an early riser. She would like to claim it’s because of her go-getter attitude, but anyone who knew her – who really knew her – would say it’s because she liked to watch Vash’s face as she slept. As of that night, the list of people who knew that had grown to two.

Fond, sleepy, giddy, she kissed Wolfwood’s forehead gently where the girl was curled into her side. The sheets only barely covered the three of them, so when she propped herself up on one arm to peek over at her sister, sandwiching Wolfwood from the other side, she was reminded of what exactly had happened between them the night before as she caught glimpses of love bites on all three of them.

She reached blindly for her phone on the bedside table while trying not to disturb her bed partners too greatly, plucking it expertly from its charging stand with her still slightly shaky fingertips, before opening the camera app. She angled the phone high above her, laying back down, just enough to catch a glimpse of the two heads of hair snuggled up beside her, and took a picture.

Selecting the photo for inspection, she spied one of Vash’s blue eyes peeping from under the sheets and staring directly into the lens. She sent that to her only friend outside the people in her bed, alongside a short text.

Knives: I think I owe you.

Livio: ur welcome

She smiled briefly before placing her phone back on her nightstand and slipping her hands back under the covers. As Wolfwood began to stir, she reached out to trail fingers down her hip to her waist, only to land atop Vash’s own wandering hand.

“Mmn, ready for round…” Wolfwood trailed off, half opening her eyes and squinting up at the ceiling.

“Six,” Vash supplied.

With surprising strength given she’d only just woken up, Wolfwood slipped an arm under Nai’s waist and hoisted her up to straddle her chest. Vash stretched lazily before wriggling under the sheets further down the bed.

“Six it is,” Wolfwood grinned.