Archive of Our Own ^beta

Wayne was unfamiliar with this route through the forest surrounding Camp Wawanakwa. That much was clear from the noise he was making as he split twigs underfoot and hiked clumsily over tree roots. This trail had not been maintained since Chris McLain first held his sadistic games on the island.

The memory of a grizzly bear briefly crossed Wayne's mind as he ducked under a low hanging branch. He was far from camp and safety, but tonight that didn't seem to matter. At the very least, the hockey captain had enough foresight to bring a flashlight. Hours had passed since the elimination ceremony.

He remembered the way Raj burst out laughing partway through Axel's elimination. Ripper getting his just desserts was hilarious, but Wayne was most happy to share the moment with his best buddy in the world.

"Oh, buddy," Wayne whispered to no one but himself as the treeline parted to reveal a high clearing. He tended to speak to himself when things got too quiet and heavy emotions came out of the dark.

He gripped the light awkwardly between his teeth as he approached the slope to pull himself up a ledge, the silence broken by his grunts of effort and the gentle humming of crickets. The crescent moon revealed herself as Wayne jog-climbed up to the grassy peak.

"Good a place as any tonight," the boy dropped on the ground and looked to the stars with a shiver.

Wayne was accustomed to the cold. He was the captain of the Snow Owls, an Alberta native for goodness sakes! But that did not mean he didn't tense up in discomfort from the damp earth. Maybe he should have brought a sleeping bag tonight.

This used to be Rajie and his thing, stargazing together while zipped up to their chins in bright green and orange sleeping bags. Neither of them really knew the constellations beyond Orion or the Big Dipper, so they invented their own: the Flapjack, the Hockey Stick, the Bacon, the Whistle, the Maple Syrup... Wayne might've been hungry when they first started that game.

They shared their deepest feelings and secrets too. The kind of stuff their team mates would tease them ruthlessly over, but Wayne knew Raj could trust him with. It was during a stargazing night that a younger, oblivious Wayne first suspected Raj might be gay.

Wayne removed his hat and lay down, his matted dirty blonde hair catching in the grass. He was just like this, with his head right next to Rajie's, rambling about some girl he had a crush on.

"I don't get what you see in her to be honest, Wayner," Raj lazily traced the Big Donut with his finger, "I've never been that interested in any girl."

That much was true. Raj had never talked about girls the way his team mates did. When his other friends howled and teased each other about dates and crushes, Raj made himself scarce. A silent question hanged in the air between them and something clicked behind Wayne's eyes.

"She plays volleyball, bro. How could I not be into that?"

Wayne knew it was selfish, but he felt hurt the more time passed without Raj telling him how he really felt. He knew not everyone on their team was accepting of gay or bisexual people, but surely Rajie knew his best friend would support him no matter what?

The same friend who joined him on the wild ride called Total Drama?

In the present, Wayne shuffled on the ground, finding an almost comfortable position with his head against a stone. The clouds which only gave him a little window into the universe were beginning to part, revealing a beautiful swath of icy lights. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a clearer view.

"We must be really far from the city."

All their favorites were cleanly visible. Even Wayne's birth sign, the Crab or the Lawnchair as Raj preferred to call it, was peeking out at him behind the treeline.

He was so overwhelmed, he almost missed a streak of bright purple that darted across the sky.

—

When Bowie came waltzing into their world, Wayne didn't know what to think of the blonde-haired boy. With his flawless style and history of conquests, he was like a fairytale hero. Not everyone is crowned king and queen in their lifetime after all. Where others saw a threat in Bowie's competitive streak, Wayne saw only a star player he wanted to befriend.

And to Wayne's surprise, Raj took an even stronger notice of Bowie's charms. At first Wayne barely recognized the blush over his best friend's face when Bowie made a pass at him in the cabin. Then Raj let slip that Bowie "looked great" sliding through Chris' obstacle course, corduroys drenched with cooking grease. Something had to be up, he'd decided.

One tapioca-flavored kiss and a cassowary later, and it all came falling out of Raj's own mouth. Wayne was over the moon. Rajie had a boyfriend. Raj was gay! And while Wayne's memory after the impact was kinda fuzzy, he's certain that Raj trusted him 120% with this side of himself.

But now things are complicated. Raj and Bowie were going steady, even after the conspiracy that split Team Skunk Butt in two. And while he's happy for them, Wayne can't shake the thought that he's no longer the most important person in Rajie's world.

Or anyone's.

He knows he's not popular like Zee or a talented poet like Ripper. And he's certainly not as smart or beautiful as that Julia girl. He's just Wayne.

But Bowie is everything. With Bowie around Raj fully blooms. There's a bounce in his step, there's laughter and joy in everything he does for Bowie. And to see him so easily lower Raj's guard, it makes Wayne feel something he's not used to. Something that felt like the stink of cheating.

The grass leaves little green stains in his white jersey.

—

After Bowie left, Raj did his best to stay strong. He didn't cry on the way back to their cabin, or the morning after Bowie was whisked away. In fact, he was a stronger player than ever during Chris' baking challenge. Even if they had to work with a jerk like Julia.

Aboard the barge, the trio fought tooth, nail and frying pan for their cut of the loot. Once half the players were knocked down or paralyzed by Wayne's fierce 'battle-cry,' they sized up their options.

"Oh, Bowie would love this!" Raj squealed, picking up a bow leaning on a sack of flour. It looked just like the one Emma taught his boyfriend to shoot. "Wayner, look for those pointy sticks!"

Wayne reached for a long arrow behind the sugar. "I got one!" He tossed it in the sack and they leapt into a vacant motorboat. Julia gave Caleb one last kiss of the cast-iron before jumping in after.

"I can't wait to see what ingredients you guys picked up—" Julia paused and shot the boys a glare. Raj beamed with pride, "like the gift for my boyfriend, Julia?"

"Not at all!" With impressive strength she hurled both boys by the nape of their jerseys, right into the cold water. Wayne resurfaced just to see Julia speeding away, heading to the barge like a blonde torpedo.

"Maybe she forgot her wallet?"

Raj shrugged. "Let's just get an early start on beating those eggs, eh? Help Julia out." He started towards the shore.

Even without Bowie, he was same old Raj. All heart and barely a hurtful thought in his head.

It was once night had fallen and the stars came out that his guard began to slip again.

—

As Chris gave his final statement of the night and the cameras cut off, Wayne noticed a change in Raj. It wasn't immediate, but he didn't smile on the way back and he barely reacted at Wayne's commentary on the recent elimination.

"I bet Axel and Ripper were making out under the water! Gross, eh?" He prodded Raj with a goofy grin on his face.

"Uh-huh, yeah." His deep brown eyes were fixed on the dirt.

Not one to be discouraged, Wayne puckered his lips and leaned against his friend. "Face kisses! On the—"

"Wayner, I need some space. You can hit up the showers without me, bro."

Raj pushed Wayne aside, knuckles white on his hockey bag. Wayne was stunned silent. He hasn't showered without his buddy since they arrived on the island. They'd talk and make each other laugh until Chef turned off the hot water. Every night.

He looked around like a lost animal, realizing he was last in the queue. He ran to catch up but Raj was already far ahead.

"Damn, what's gotten into Raj?" Damien turned to the loud hockey player.

"Nothing, bro. Just some post-game edginess," Wayne lied for some reason.

Damien winced a little at being called Wayne's 'bro.' "Nothing a hot shower can't fix then? I won't lie, you still smell like lake."

Wayne smiled at the barb. He told Damien he'd join the line for showers after checking in on Raj.

The cabin was dark when Wayne pushed the flimsy door open. At first it looked totally empty, till his eyes adjusted to a dark shape in the bunk under his own. He stepped with his heels, quietly moving to the mound of blankets.

"Rajie."

"Please leave me alone."

Raj had been crying. His voice came out hourse and breathless. Wayne sat down at the edge of the small bunk, causing the mattress to dip. He could barely see his bro's tear-streaked face as he clung to the stolen bow under the covers.

So Raj was breaking the rules now, eh? He was hurting something bad.

"I know you're missing him. And I am too."

Wayne's hand landed on Raj's. It was tough from years of hockey, but so warm under Wayne's palm. Like a cup of hot chocolate after a long practice.

"But listen, I'm still here for you."

Raj turned on his side, so his face couldnt be seen in the dark. He always turned his back when team mates got too pushy for his liking.

"You're not Bowie."

Wayne knew he was wrong to assume Raj wasn't hurting. Raj had hidden parts of himself from everyone his whole life. He valued his privacy, which was in short supply on international television.

Bowie wasn't here right now, but there was no doubt he was watching and cheering for Raj. That had to bring some comfort, right?

"Bowie must be proud of you. You did so well in today's challenge Raj."

Raj tensed on the mattress, his hair practically standing up on his neck.

"Wayner," Raj shot up like an arrow, his eyes puffy sore, "are you stupid or something?! I don't care about any of that right now! Just leave me alone!"

Raj might as well have struck him, Wayne stumbled back so quick. He was frozen under Raj's angry gaze, like a deer in the headlights.

With nothing more to say, he turned towards the door, towards the forest, stopping for just a moment to grab a flashlight hanging beside the door.

Wayne left Camp Wawanakwa, still stinking of lake muck.

—

That was about an hour ago.

There was a certain weightlessness Wayne was starting to develop under the night sky.

He felt like a bright red and white helium balloon, anchored to a kid's wrist on a special day. Bobbing in the breeze, teasing the sky with one foot in its shallows.

He gripped the grass underneath as a gust of vertigo almost knocked him up and away. Where he'd pop on the corner of a star.

It was a scary feeling, but not entirely unfamiliar.

The first time Raj's dad took them camping, Wayne was full of funny ideas about space. There was no air to breathe and there were lots of explosions. And it was so big you could get lost in it like a speck of dust.

He laid with Raj, whose old man was struggling with a telescope down by the car. And Wayne felt the gravity of those stars for the first time, tugging him away from everything he loved.

Till Raj held his hand and told him to breathe.

He knew he would be safe and sound if he held onto his best buddy.

"You always save me at the last second, Rajie." Wayne held his cap close to his chest.

He realized how silly it was to speak to no one. Wayne was all alone. And far from home. Or a warm bed.

Or Raj.

—

The captain of the Snow Owls was so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he almost missed the crunch of a branch beyond.

He startled up, the moment broken as the raspberry bushes to his side rustled under someone's weight.

"Who's there?"