Archive of Our Own ^beta

Fire. Hot, so so hot. Seishu’s mind fled from him as he twisted out of his sheets. He coughed as he tried to breathe in, trying to orient himself. Where was the door? 

His knees hit the floor; his foot still tangled in his bed sheet. His sister, his mother, his father. Seishu pressed his hand against his door, yanking it backward just as fast. The heat outside his room was unbearable. 

Was he going to die? 

Was Seishu going to die without Koko?  

Seishu forced his window open, trying to escape onto the roof when he heard a terrible scream. Mom. 

The fire seemed like it was boiling him alive as Seishu scrambled for the door, his mom's screams echoing in his mind. His foot burned in agony as he kicked the door open. 

“Mom!” 

All Seishu could hear in response was the roaring fire, eating away everything he knew. Creaking sounded above him. Seishu panickily dove backward as the burning ceiling crashed in front of him. In slow motion, he could see the fire, falling white and red wood down onto the floor. Pieces broke off, splintering and exploding outward. Headed for Seishu. Everything was so hot.

Then pain.

Pain, pain, pain, pain. His face was being burned off. Skin blistering, freezing Seishu in space, in time, so that only pain and panic existed. 

Was it only a few hours ago that he was walking with Koko and his sister? 

—

When Seishu next came to, he could see a blurry figure wavering in the heat. If he had a face to smile with, he was sure he would.

His sister. His big sister, here to save him.

And then there was black hair, and sharp, terrified eyes, and it was Koko, Koko, Koko. Koko was here, in the burning hell. Here for Seishu. Saving him. Of course Koko was here. Koko, his friend. His best friend.

And then Koko, brave, angelic, Koko, was carrying Seishu outside, to the stinging cold air, and Koko was safety, bringing him to the cold street. Koko, Koko, Koko—

“Akane-san?”

Ah. Why was Koko calling him Akane? Akane was, was… oh. 

“I'm not Akane, Koko. I'm Seishu.”

That was Seishu's biggest mistake, biggest sin. Being himself, not his sister. Koko wasn't here for Seishu.  He was here for Akane. 

Why would he be here for Seishu? 

And now Koko was screaming and crying, and Seishu wanted to be Akane so bad. But he was Seishu, and he was alive, saved by mistake. 

Akane, Akane. She was still in hell. 

Seishu passed out for the second time.

—

Koko was selling drugs. Seishu knew it. He heard whispers everywhere. A kid, a money-making genius. He's going to make you rich. Make me rich. 

Seishu knew, if he was Akane, Koko wouldn't have to do this. He wouldn't have to commit crimes. Seishu's parents knew, too. They would say, Akane shouldn't be saved by that boy's blood money. And then they would go cry, doing nothing. 

Hate was curling around Seishu. Hate for his useless parents. Hate for the hospital that had so much money but wouldn't save Akane without even more. Hate for himself, because he was alive, because he wasn't Akane. Seishu, the ugly name. The stain, corrupting Koko, killing his sister. 

His sister died in winter. When it was so cold out. The fire all around her, finally put out, killing her. The doctors shook their heads, like they weren't murderers. His parents hugged him, like they weren't wishing that he was Akane, too. 

Koko punched him, and Seishu loved him for it. The only honest person around him. Koko talked to Akane, looking at Seishu's eyes. Koko said he would follow him forever, but Seishu knew he meant Akane. 

—

Seishu tried to live for himself, for a while. Tried to convince Koko that he didn't need money anymore. Tried to protect Koko, to not be Seishu anymore. There was just Koko and Inupi. 

He wore heels and loved it, and pretended to not see Koko smile a little whenever he heard the heels clacking, only to frown when he saw Inupi’s face. He followed Sano-san, and pretended to be asleep every time Koko kissed him. Pretended to not want more kisses.

Inupi hated Seishu, and Seishu hated everyone but Koko. Inupi and Koko, the inseparable pair. One, a mistake. The other, corrupted for it. 

Right now, though, everything seemed okay. They were sitting on a bench, eating cookies. The air was wet and heavy, the clouds hanging low after an hour of rain.

“-I was hitting the shit of him, Inupi. He didn’t even say anything. It was kinda scary, man. But eventually I let him go, and guess what? I wasn't even late for history class! Ah, that was so crazy.” Koko looked up at the sky as he spoke, the gray-purple sunset highlighting his neck as he smiled. 

Inupi leaned his shoulder against Koko, carefully biting into a new cookie, the crumbs falling down his chin. 

“If I told you something, Inupi, do you think you could stop yourself from hating me?” Koko glanced over at Inupi, his body curling into himself. Inupi's stomach clenched. 

“Nothing could make me hate you, Koko,” Inupi whispered, more breath than sound. Nothing would ever. Inupi lived for Koko, lived because of Koko. No matter how much Koko did, even once Koko inevitability pushed Inupi away, realizing that he was Seishu , Inupi would still love him.

“Even if I loved you?”

For a second, Inupi stared at Koko. For a second, his heart lifted. But no. No, Koko couldn't be looking at him . Koko would never. He was obsessed. Those sharp eyes saw only Akane.

“I'm not Akane, Koko.” Those words, those words, those fucking words . Terrible, sinful words.  And, Seishu would never be Akane, Inupi would never be Akane—

“I know.” 

What?

“What?”

Koko scowled, his pretty face twisting into shadow. “The fuck do you mean, ’what?’ I just confessed to you, Seishu , I— are you crying?”

Tears trickled down Inupi's cheeks as he shook his head. “No—no, no Koko, Koko. You're not in love with me! I’m… you don't love me, you love her. You—I—” Inupi choked back a sob, the tears still dripping. 

Warmth slowly encircled Inupi, and in the back of his head, his mind whispered this is a hug. Koko is hugging you. 

“Inupi… maybe, somewhere in me, I still love Akane. But that was… in the past—I was 10! And… the fire haunts me, yes. I have lived for money for so long. But—look, Inupi, Seishu. You don't get to tell me who I'm in love with. I…"  Koko trailed off as Inupi fiercely hugged him back, his still wet eyes definitely ruining Koko's shirt.

Inupi shakily grinned. He still may be a mistake, but now… maybe he was a good one.