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It’s quiet.
Not quiet in the way that sets Jesper’s body alight with. Quiet in the way that makes him want to rip his skin off his bones and tear it apart to scratch that ever insistent inch. Quiet in the way that grinds his teeth and makes his mind spin and forces him to acknowledge those thoughts he tries so hard to ignore.
No. It’s quiet, but not that kind of quiet.
It’s quiet because Wylan is asleep and Jesper is loathe to wake him up. Quiet because his Da is no longer messing around with pots and frying pans and has left to tend to the fields. It’s quiet, for the very simple reason that they are in Novyi Zem now, the hustle and bustle of Ketterdam far away.
Jesper has left all that behind him, and he doesn’t regret it. Instead, he makes breakfast. The sun rose a long time ago, and Jesper has always been an early riser, but Wylan is very much a merchants kid sometimes, and he likes his sleep.
Some things never change, he supposes. Not that he’d want them to. No. He’s quite happy staying just like this, for now.
It’s still quiet when Jesper brings his prize upstairs, softly nudging the door open with his foot. Wylan is plonked on the bed just where he left him, face buried in the pillow and blanket slipping down to pool at his waist. It reveals the soft lines of his back, the freckles that spread over his shoulders and back and down.
It makes Jesper smile, something small and personal, but it’s a smile anyway.
He leaves the plate of eggs and bacon on the bedside table and slips into the bed beside him, slinging an arm over his exposed back and burying his face into the messy brown hair, hair that he changed.
The food is going to be cold, and Wylan is going to complain, but Jesper doesn’t have it in him to mind.
Instead, he noses the nape of his neck, pressing gentle kisses to as many freckles as he can reach. Below him, Wylan stirs, pressing his face deeper into the pillow.
“Morning,” Jesper laughs gently, kissing his shoulders now.
Wylan grumbles into the pillow, as if he can only will himself back to sleep. Too bad. Jesper is awake, and Wylan is not, and he is going to pester him until he too is awake.
Jesper pokes him. “Rise and shine beautiful!”
“Mnf.”
Jesper pokes him again. “Come on sunshine! The sun is shining, birds are singing on the rooftop, your boyfriend is lonely, up and at ‘em baby!”
Wylan mumbles something into the pillow and Jesper pokes him again, “what was that, gorgeous? Can’t hear you through the pillow.”
“I said, boyfriend is not lonely because I have no boyfriend because I am breaking up with you for waking me up. Bastard.”
Jesper gasps. It’s all for show really, if not only for the way Wylan sounded so grudgingly affectionate when he called him a bastard.
“Will you date me again if I told you I made you eggs?”
That makes Wylan lift his head.
“You made breakfast?” He mumbles sleepily, turning around onto his back. It only makes him snuggle into Jesper’s side instead, pillowing his head on his chest. It makes Jesper’s heart swell, and even though it's been a year he still can’t believe he is allowed this. That after everything, this is how it all turned out.
Sometimes Jesper is convinced he died that day he confronted Van Eck, and that this is just heaven. Even so, if this is what heaven is like, he can’t bring himself to mind...
“I did, and it’s going to go cold if you don’t eat it, my love.” He says fondly, kissing Wylan’s hair.
Wylan makes no effort to move, seeming content to stay right where he is. “What’s the occasion?” He mumbles.
Jesper kisses his hair again. “Happy anniversary love.” He still can’t believe it’s been a whole year since. Well. Everything.
There’s a brief pause. Then, “what?”
Jesper rolls his eyes, “you know, its our anniversary. A whole year since we got together, that sort of thing.”
Wylan finally lifts his head, frowning. “No, I know that, but our anniversary isn’t until tomorrow.”
Now it’s Jesper’s turn to frown. “What? No, its today, it’s the fourth of may. I might be forgetful, but I remember our first kiss Wylan.”
The last time Jesper had said that Wylan had smirked and said lowly, “which one? The one after you tried to shoot me or the one when you fucked me?”
It had made Jesper laugh and blush and kiss him once again.
This time, Wylan is the one to laugh, snorting adorably, his nose wrinkling. “You think our anniversary is the first kiss— I was going off when we left Kerch!”
It takes Jesper far too long to get it, but when he does it makes him laugh too, throwing his arm over his eyes with a groan. “Wylan! I had the whole day planned and everything!”
Wylan snorts again. “I mean, I’m not stopping you.” He feels a featherlight kiss pressed to his jaw. “I don’t mind being spoiled for a day.”
“Brat,” Jesper says fondly, moving his arm. Wylan hums, leaning over to kiss him again, his hair tickling Jesper’s face. The kiss is slow, still tainted with the drag of sleep and when Wylan sighs Jesper feels it against his mouth.
In the end he has to push Wylan away, suddenly remembering the food that he doesn’t really want to go cold. It would make Wylan sad and Jesper would have to get up and make more and he doesn’t really want to move from here.
He takes off his shirt while Wylan eats, partly because he feels too hot and also because it makes Wylan’s face go red and an appreciative noise to leave those perfect lips.
He pauses, shirt halfway off, gaze caught on the dark, puckered scar on his shoulder. Even now, a year later, it still hurts him when he does too much, and even now he’s still not used to the sight of it.
“You okay?” Wylan asks though a mouthful of eggs. Jesper smiles at him, pulling his shirt off the rest of the way. He is okay, at least now that he has Wylan in his life.
“I don’t regret it,” he says suddenly, staring down at the scar.
“Regret what?” Wylan asks, putting down his empty plate with a gentle clatter. He must know, but Jesper appreciates being given the chance to say it himself.
“This,” he traces the scar with a gentle touch, “you. Pretty much everything that happened last year.”
“Even when your father’s life was at risk?” Wylan asks, and Jesper winces at the reminder.
“His life was never in danger, we both know by know your da was bluffing.”
“Yours was though, doesn’t that mean anything?” Wylan says it simply, and Jesper winces again.
“My life never mattered,” he whispers, and something in Wylan’s eyes softens.
He leans forward, pressing his lips to Jesper’s forehead. They’re cold, as Wylan always is no matter the temperature, but just as soft, and Jesper closes his eyes.
“It matters,” he whispers fiercely, “to me, to your father. It matters now and it mattered then too.”
It’s too much for such a soft morning, so Jesper simply leans into his touch, cupping Wylan’s face with his palm.
The truth has never come easy to him, it didn’t then, and it still doesn’t now, but some truths are as easy to speak as breathing. “I love you,” Jesper says simply, because he does and he needs Wylan to know. He feels it when Wylan smiles against his forehead. “I love you too,” he murmurs, and its all so overwhelming he could cry.
He doesn’t cry though. Instead, he pushes Wylan over until he’s pressed into the mattress, kissing him soundly. Wylan responds eagerly and loops his arms around his neck, pulling him infinitely closer.
“I’m ready to be spoiled,” Wylan murmurs against his lips, smiling that cheeky, left sided smirk.
It makes Jesper laugh, kissing his freckled cheek. “Anything you want,” he says honestly, and its far, far too honest. But it makes Wylan smile, brown eyes crinkling when he pulls back enough to look into them, and what could be better than that?
He takes his time, kissing him hotly, hands caressing the perfect lines of his body, lips turning his smattering of freckles into a wonderful constellation. He takes his time because he chooses to, because in all of this he has a choice.
He takes his time, for the simple, wonderful reason that they have time. He takes his time, thinking back to this time last year, and knowing deep down that in the end, there never was going to be a choice.
This would always have been where he ended up.