Chapter Text
It starts when he's young.
Katsuki thinks he must have been an unplanned baby. It's the only explanation for the way his mother treats him. He must have been a mistake, and with how hard it is to terminate a pregnancy, Mitsuki was suddenly thrown into motherhood despite lacking a single nurturing or loving bone in her body.
It explains why she married Masaru, too. It clearly wasn't because he's the love of her life. They've slept in separate beds for as long as Katsuki can remember.
It probably didn't help that he was such an asshole when he was little. His tantrums were legendary, and he threw them daily until he got put into daycare. Then he started getting in trouble for hitting and calling names, and that's lasted pretty much his whole life. He's a genius with a shit temper and no emotional intelligence.
He at least started keeping his hands to himself, eventually. For the most part.
His second year of middle school, he came out as trans, and that was pretty much the final nail in the coffin for his relationship with his mother.
Masaru took him to all the consultations, bought him all the binders and clothes he asked for, paid for his hormone replacement therapy, but they were never close, and he didn't jump at the opportunity to change that just because he was helping Katsuki feel comfortable in his own body. He was supportive, but from a good distance.
It was significantly better than how Mitsuki handled it, anyway.
They put him into regular talk therapy, too. Figured it would help him come to his senses, or something. Maybe they were hoping it would make him less angry. Either way, he only went for a summer.
After he found out she was telling everything to his mom, he refused to keep attending.
By the time Katsuki is fourteen, he's grown to his mother's height. He still has to cover up bruises on his arms and legs with concealer, and his scalp is constantly sore from being dragged around by his hair.
He takes it out on other people.
He's not proud of it. In fact, he makes a concentrated effort to avoid it. The problem is, he can only take so much of a minor annoyance before he completely loses his shit.
It's a legit issue. One second, he's laughing awkwardly and trying his damndest to politely ask someone to fuck off, and the next, he's seeing red. Fists fly. Uniforms rip. Tears fall. He screams until his throat feels raw and then he screams some more.
And then, when he inevitably gets suspended, he spends three days facing the wrath of Mitsuki Bakugou.
He usually gets away with it, though. At least at school. It's well documented that he has anger issues, his grades are excellent, and half the time it's the other kid's fault for picking a fight.
And then there's Deku.
He gets away with doing anything to Deku. He can call him terrible things, spread rumors just because he's pissed and itching for trouble, even track him down after school and use him as a punching bag. And nothing.
Ever.
Happens.
Because Deku is Izuku Midoriya, and Izuku Midoriya used to be Katsuki's best friend.
He can't really pinpoint when they stopped being friends. He's always been kind of a dick to everyone, and friends are no exception. Maybe it was when Katsuki developed his quirk. Maybe it was when Izuku didn't. But at some point, Izuku stopped getting invited to sleepovers and birthdays, stopped sitting with Katsuki at lunch, stopped sitting next to him in class, stopped being Izuku altogether until there was just Deku.
There's really not much trace of Izuku left in Deku now. Katsuki beat it out of him long ago.
Sometimes he regrets it. Sometimes he has to break away from shoving Deku into walls and kicking him while he's down, because even looking at him brings tears to his eyes. Sometimes he wants to confess everything to Deku's mom, beg for forgiveness, leave everything in the past and make it up to Izuku with playdates and video games and smiles.
Most days, though, just the thought of Deku pisses him off.
He's got all this potential, right? He's just as smart as Katsuki, but he lacks the confidence to do
anything with it. He doesn't bother trying to make new friends or join any extracurriculars or even talk at school. He just scribbles away in his fucking notebook, whispering to himself like a goddamn freak-
... The point is, it makes Katsuki's blood boil. More than anything, he wants Deku to fight back, rough him up a little and demand respect because he fucking should, but Katsuki isn't just gonna give it to him out of pity.
He can't fucking stand pitiful people. They make his stomach churn.
So that's his excuse. It's not anything worth forgiving him over. He's well aware that he's a piece of shit, but at least he has an explanation for his behavior.
Mitsuki has jack shit, to be honest.
Even if Katsuki was a whoopsie baby, even if his existence forced her to walk down the aisle for a man she doesn't love, even it he was an awful kid and an even worse teenager, he tries so hard to get her to love him, and nothing ever works.
He got perfect grades, learned how to cook and clean so she wouldn't have to, modeled clothes for her whenever she needed a mannequin for her projects, put up with her nagging as much as he could handle, and wasted years of time and energy trying to diffuse her bomb.
It didn't matter. None of it mattered. All he did was raise her expectations, which made it all the worse when he fell short.
When he was little, like really little, he was actually a mama's boy. He longed for her attention like a starving man longs for food. But Mitsuki isn't the type of mother that cuddles her kids or kisses their boo-boos better.
Maybe he didn't have the best childhood.
He thought his life was pretty good. He's popular, smart, athletic, and on track to get into the best hero school in the country. His peers respect him, his family has money, he's never had to want for food or shelter or clothes.
But he can't find it in himself to feel content with his life at the moment.
Usually during moments like this in movies or television shows, the character cries out for their mother. Katsuki has always found the schtick uncomfortable. Being forced to display such weakness is already so cringeworthy, but to scream for your mother for help or comfort?
He couldn't imagine.
He's going to die, he thinks. He's going to die having lived not even a quarter of a full life, unsatisfied, wishing he had someone to cry out to because god knows he'd be a fool to cry out for Mommy.
He got jumped on the way home from school. It happens sometimes, in the seedier parts of town. He carries a pocket knife in his backpack in case of this, but he's never had to use it before.
Turns out, though, this guy didn't just want his wallet. Maybe he was too mouthy, maybe he fucked up by swinging a blade at him, maybe he just got unlucky. Either way, he miscalculated, ended up pinned to the ground, and now there's sludge pushing down on his throat so far that he can't breathe, and he's starting to...
... Get .....
..... a little...
..... dizzy...
...
"GET OFF OF HIM!!!"
Suddenly, something knocks into the monster with a less-than-tremendous force. It throws him off kilter for long enough to let Katsuki get a breath in, though, and that's what counts. Whoever did that- he can't really focus enough to tell yet; bought him a few more seconds.
"Damn kid- Get outta here!"
"GET OFF OF HIM!"
He knocks into him again, skinny little arms entering Katsuki's line of vision, and he- Damn it all, he realizes who his rescuer is.
He's so fucked.
"Deku," he manages to croak, clawing desperately at his attacker's wrists.
"I-I called the police! They're on their way!" He tries with all his might to pull the man off. "Leave Kacchan alone!"
Yeah, that's right.
Izuku turned into Deku, but Katsuki always stayed Kacchan.
He feels like a real piece of shit.
Deku is saving him.
Maybe he should have cried out for him.
The police talk to him afterwards, at the station. Mitsuki gives him a short, mean lecture about being smarter in dangerous situations, and then starts giving him the silent treatment.
He's exhausted. His throat is bruised and his face is all covered in splotches of red dots from the strangulation. He just wants to go home and sleep, but he knows that as soon as they walk in he's going to get another lecture, this time emphasized less with words and more with hands.
He really doesn't want another punishment. He already has enough damage to cover up.
As they turn the corner into their neighborhood, Katsuki spots someone walking down the street. He blinks a couple of times, rubbing his throat absentmindedly, then speaks up.
"Ma, pull over real quick."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" She peers out his window. "No. I'm not waiting for you to shoot the shit with Midoriya."
"Then don't wait," he snaps. "Ma, he's the one that called the cops. I'd be dead if it wasn't for him."
"I'm not waiting," she repeats.
He rolls his eyes and opens his door. "Fine, I'll walk home. It's not that far."
"Keep your phone on!" She calls after him, shaking her head. As soon as the door is shut, she takes off in the direction of their house, likely not even looking back to see if he catches up to Deku.
He was expecting more of a fight, but she's clearly pissed enough to want a break from him. Probably for the best.
"Deku!" He shouts, his voice wrecked and strained. Deku startles and stops, whirling around.
Katsuki jogs towards him, ignoring the way his vision reels. He's not supposed to be jostling his head around very much.
"Hey," he growls when he's within hearing distance, stomping the rest of the way. "Why the hell did you do that?"
"K-Kacchan," he lifts his hands up in defense, lowering his gaze. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." He sets his jaw. "I didn't need your help."
"He was gonna kill you," Deku whispers. "I had to do something."
"Why do you care?" He bites. "It would make your life a hell of a lot easier."
"If I stood by and did nothing? No." He shakes his head. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
Katsuki eyes him for a moment. His throat hurts. His head hurts. He's thirsty and hungry and tired but somehow hashing it out with Deku is more appealing to him right now than going home.
"This doesn't change anything."
"I know."
"I mean it," he doubles down. "I don't 'owe you one' now, or whatever. I'm not going to be nicer to you. I'm actually pissed that you had the gall to try and help at all."
"I know, Kacchan." He bites his lip and hesitates before he speaks again. "Are... I know th-that was bad, is all. Did... you want me to walk you home?"
Katsuki sees red for a moment and before he knows it, he has both of his hands fisted into Deku's shirt, practically lifting his feet off the ground.
"You haven't seen bad, you worthless little shit." He bares his teeth, mean mug cemented on. "You're fucking lucky I don't kill you right here, ya hear that? I don't need your fucking 'protection.'"
He drops him. Deku falls to the ground in a heap, glaring at Katsuki's shoes and yet saying nothing.
Good. He likes him better when he doesn't talk.
"You're on the fucking news."
It's the first thing he hears when he walks into his house.
Mitsuki is holding the TV remote, one hand on her hip, face flushed pink with anger. Dinner is cooking in the kitchen. He can smell it.
"What?"
"I said, 'You're on the fucking news.'"
She gestures to the living room. Katsuki approaches her with all the confidence of a fawn walking on its' legs for the first time and peers behind her at the television.
There he is. In the back of the ambulance, wincing as a paramedic checks his neck. He's clearly disheveled and out of it, but it's undoubtedly him, and anyone that knows him is going to know.
They're gonna know what happened.
"I hope you're ready to be a victim," Mitsuki pipes up. "Because that's what people are going to see you as now. Every time you get accepted into a new school, or get a promotion at work, or a boy asks you out, you're going to have to ask yourself if you really earned it or if it's just someone taking pity on you."
"What the hell?!" Katsuki whirls around.
"Mitsuki..." Masaru starts from his recliner.
"What? It's the truth. He should figure it out now so it sinks in with the rest of the trauma from today." She shrugs. "That's what you get for making a spectacle."
"You can't be serious. Ma, I'm not even the one that called the cops! It was Deku."
"Well, did you thank him for pushing you into the spotlight while you're at it? Because that's what's happening." She scrubs her eyes. "Whatever, let's just hope this doesn't jeopardize your UA application. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes, I want you at the table by then."
"I-" He stands there for a moment, dumbfounded. "Are we not gonna talk about this?"
She slams her palms down on the counter, eliciting a loud slam that makes him flinch.
"There's nothing left to discuss, Katsuki. Go shower before dinner, you smell like shit."
Tears pool in his eyes, but he refuses to cry. Not now. He's made it this far, he just has to get through dinner and then he can lock himself in his room and sob into his pillow.
(Mitsuki tends to get frustrated when he cries in front of her.)
That night, it happens for the first time.
He cried himself to sleep after getting ready for bed. He kind of feels like his family isn't reacting to the situation like they should be. They didn't even hug him when they said goodnight or anything. He doesn't need to be comforted or anything, but it would... maybe help.
Whatever. Not like it's any different from normal. Maybe normal is good.
The point is, he fell asleep early. Like, before 9 P.M. early.
And yet, at 2:30 A.M., he's sitting up in bed, wide awake.
He was having a nightmare. The details are pretty fuzzy, although he's pretty sure it involved his breath being cut off in some way. He woke up with a strangled cry, and...
And, well...
... Ugh.
He's never had a bed wetting problem, okay? Not even when he was little. He can't even recall the last time he had an accident. Before tonight, that is.
Because unless he somehow managed to spill a glass of warm water directly onto his crotch in his sleep, that's definitely what happened.
Maybe it's because of the embarrassment, maybe it's because it's so early and he's tired, maybe it's just because he's scared and alone and not feeling very good, but he starts to cry.
He just sits there for a while, crying, in a puddle of his own urine and he thinks for the first time in a long time that he could really use a hug right now.
Things go back to normal eventually.
The bruises fade, Mitsuki stops snapping at him for just existing, his friends stop treating him differently, and his teachers quit giving him extra attention during class.
And he got into UA!
He aced the entrance exam, of course. They didn't even bring up the incident. He's confident that he was accepted on merit alone.
His parents didn't exactly jump with joy, but they at least both congratulated him. Mitsuki gave him an ominous warning not to fuck things up, and that was the end of the conversation. They didn't even ask him about the on-campus housing.
(Which he will be living in, for the record. The commute alone would be more expensive than his tuition.)
As for the... other thing, no further incidents have occurred. He's chocking it up to a weird, one-time trauma response.
He was kind of affected by the assault, though. He's a little jumpy now, just always checking his blind spots and being easily startled.
And he's, like... more fatigued? Every day takes it out of him. He's gotten in the habit of taking a post-school, pre-dinner nap every day. He thinks it's probably tied to the constant dream-like feeling he's been experiencing since that day.
Other than that, though, he's all set. He's returned to normalcy, and honestly that's much better than he was anticipating. At least he's safe and-
... Well.
At least he's safe.