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For the first time in a month Ritsu awakes without the help of her personal alarm clock, the pink haired girl who comes to her room to collect her every morning nowhere to be found. Instead she stretches tall, making an almost purr-like sound as she wipes the sleep out of her eye, and it’s when she’s like this that she is often compared to a cat, rolling out of bed and tiptoeing to her desk.
She frowns. The paper in front of her is just as blank as it was last night, if not more so now, the dull shine of the early morning sun whitening it evermore. She’s been staring at the same sheet for the past three days, the drafts piling up in her trash can as time stretches on. She sighs, once again picking up her My Melody pen that Mao had gifted her, staring at the paper with enough determination to bore holes into it.
“Fuck,” she mutters, tossing the pen down again and slumping in her chair. It was hopeless; nothing she could ever think of would be satisfactory for such a large task. After a moment she dozes off again, curled up in her chair as the empty paper haunts her dreams.
“Ritsu,” Mao coos a couple minutes later, the girl in question blinking open sleepy eyes only to immediately groan as the pain of the rather strange position she had found herself in the chair catches up to her. “Ritsu, it’s time to wake up. Why aren’t you in your bed?”
“Why is your cup size B? There are questions even I can’t answer, Maa-kun.”
“R-Ritsu!” Mao yells, instinctively crossing her arms across her chest to hide them from Ritsu’s view, not that she had been looking anyway. (Not that time, at least.) “What the hell?!”
“It was just an example,” Ritsu says airily, waving a hand in her direction nonchalantly. “Don’t get your tits in a twist.”
“What is your problem?! Why do you keep talking about my boobs?!”
“I don’t know the answer to that question either,” Ritsu says simply. “Fuck, I swear I didn’t sleep at all.”
“But you’ve slept in longer than you usually do — I came later than usual today.”
“Mm,” Ritsu hums, choosing not to correct her. It wasn’t quite time for her to know yet. “Maa-kun, come dress me.”
“What? No. Do it yourself,” Mao says, rolling her eyes. When Ritsu was especially tired she would ask her stupid things like this, and Mao refused to give in. She already piggybacks Ritsu to school every morning, she didn’t need to become even lazier than she already was.
Ritsu makes a pouting sound, but she pushes herself out of the chair, rubbing her sore neck. That really wasn’t one of her best nap places, it always left her feeling uncomfortable when she woke up. Without any warning she pulls her night shirt over her head, and Mao quickly turns away.
“Oh c’mon, Maa-kun, you’re such a baby~” Ritsu teases, laughing as Mao tries to splutter some half-assed excuse as she clips her bra on. “Pass me my shirt.”
Mao passes it behind her, back still turned stubbornly to her. “You want your sweater vest, too?” She asks, shuffling around in Ritsu’s closet.
“Yeah, thanks,” Ritsu says, taking it from her after only doing the top three buttons because apparently the rest were too much effort, “A skirt would be nice too.”
“You’re really going to make me get everything?”
“Well fine, Maa-kun, if you wanna be a meanie,” Ritsu pouts, walking past her, and perhaps this is worse, Mao realizes, trying to hide her flush as Ritsu walks past her in her underwear and starts to shuffle around in a drawer before she pulls a skirt out, hobbling whilst she puts it on. “You just wanted a peek, didn’t you?”
“What are you insinuating?” Mao says, putting her head in her hands. “Stop, it’s too early for all this, Ritchan.”
She laughs, “Oopsie~ didn’t mean to fluster you, Maa-kun. You’re just so in love with me, aren’t you?”
Mao makes a strangled sound like she’s dying and Ritsu laughs some more, pulling her socks on. “Maa-kun, I made bentos for us last night. They’re in the fridge, can you grab them? I just need to get my socks on and I’ll meet you downstairs~ ♡”
“Oh, um, alright,” Mao stutters, because that was strange; usually Ritsu will whine for a bit longer about staying in bed and have Mao bring her down the stairs, which Mao liked to consider as part of her morning workout because it was such a strenuous task to complete without the both of them toppling over. And even if she didn’t beg for an unreasonable lift, she would be stuck to her like a moth to a flame, whining if Mao tried to hurry up the morning process by leaving the room to pack Ritsu’s bag for her.
When Mao finally leaves the room after attempting to threaten Ritsu into not going back to sleep while she’s gone, but ultimately failing because Ritsu finds it extremely difficult to take anything Mao says seriously (Ritsu ending up making a comment on how cute Mao looked with her cheeks puffed out like that, which flustered Mao for a record breaking third time that morning), Ritsu returns to her desk, staring at the paper once again.
“Piece of shit,” she mutters, tucking the paper and pen into her pocket. She’d just have to figure it out during the day.
☆
“How do you have chocolates already~” Ritsu whines when the two finally reach school, entering their classroom to see that Mao’s desk is already littered with a couple cards. “All the boys love Maa-kun, don’t they?”
“What? N-no, no, they’re just courtesy,” Mao reassures her, scratching the back of her head in embarrassment.
Ritsu plucks one from the pile without permission, pulling it open whilst Mao asks her to stop. “Dear Isara,” she starts, pausing to comment, “ooh, how formal~”
“Ritsu, seriously!” Mao says, reaching up to grab it, but Ritsu pulls it away from her, using a hand to keep Mao at arm’s length whilst she continues.
“I hope you enjoy these chocolates. Would you like to go on a date with me sometime? Signed—”
“Ritsu~!” Mao whines, dragging her name out in frustration, blush painted across her face. “That’s enough!”
“Aww,” Ritsu pouts, “but I see why they send them. All the boys would want some of this, right?” Ritsu smirks, grabbing Mao by the waist and pulling her close.
Mao laughs despite trying very hard not to, “Stop, you’re so mean to me, y’know? If I did this to you you’d start whining that I’m bullying you.”
“That’s different~”
“How is that different?!” Mao says, and she’s meant to sound angry, but she can’t, she can never stay mad at Ritsu for long.
“Because you’re Maa-kun! ♡”
“The hell is that supposed to mean,” Mao says, but she’s smiling, speaking softly to her, “now get off of me, class is starting soon.”
“I don’t wanna~” Ritsu whines, elongating her words and tightening her grip on Mao. At this point the rest of the class is starting to file in, some of them giving the two strange looks as Ritsu’s antics continue.
“Come on, Ritchan,” she laughs, struggling against her grip, “I have something to give you at lunch, you’re gonna crush it in my bag if you keep holding me like this.”
Ritsu releases her rather easily for once. “You do?”
Mao raises a brow. Ritsu’s looking at her with those full ruby eyes, and it’s the first time in a while that Ritsu has looked at her so innocently. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I — I don’t know. Geez, Maa-kun, we’ve been over this already!”
Before Mao can respond, the bell rings, and Ritsu slumps over to her desk beside her. Mao sits, and it’s the first time she can get a good look at all the cards, and there really are quite a few. She often gets chocolates, but this seems somewhat excessive in comparison to the year prior, and that wasn’t even counting all the ones that would come in during lunch. It surprises Mao every time that someone as average as her could ever gain so much traction, when she’s convinced herself that everyone else around her is far more worthy. After all, she’s just a girl, there’s nothing special about her from her looks to her talents. If everyone else is so superior, why did she always get so many chocolates? It baffled her, but every year Ritsu would make some comment about how irresistible Mao was, and although she was fairly sure that Ritsu had been joking (but never a hundred percent, because Ritsu was far too cryptic for that), it did make her wonder. Just what about her was so enticing?
☆
“Maa-kun, c’mere, I have our bentos,” Ritsu says once lunch begins, patting the end of her table with one hand as an invite whilst she rummages around in her bag with the other.
Like clockwork, Mao pulls her desk closer to Ritsu’s, joining the two together. “You really should’ve told me you were making some, I already packed something for the both of us by the time you told me this morning.”
“We can have a Valentines Day mukbang, then,” Ritsu says, unclipping the pink patterned cloth and pulling out both the lunches. “And anyway, I mostly made sweets, so it’s good that my trusty wife made such a lovely lunch already~”
“Don’t — don’t call me that,” Mao stutters, fumbling with her own bentos clumsily. “It’s nothing much, anyway. I tried to make the rice balls into a heart but that didn’t really work out.”
Ritsu giggles, “This poor rice ball, he’s all bruised and battered, isn’t he?” She teases, picking it up with her chopsticks and waving it in Mao’s face.
“Stop it, I tried, okay?” Mao grins, because it really does look a little deformed, even though she’s meant to be defending herself. “What did you make?”
“Cupcakes,” Ritsu answers, popping open the bentos for Mao to see. “Everyone always says that my icing looks scary, but I really did try to make them look cute this time.”
Cute… wasn’t exactly the word Mao would use to describe them. An attempt was clearly made — the colors red and pink were used, she supposes — but the bloody, scientifically accurate hearts on them didn’t exactly scream adorable in Mao’s humble opinion. Seriously, what was going through Ritsu’s head? The handiwork was commendable, the way they really did look like actual human hearts served on a platter. If Mao wasn’t used to Ritsu’s ways she might actually feel a bit sick at the detail.
“They’re… very realistic,” Mao settles for, and Ritsu immediately pouts, hitting Mao’s hand lightly.
“You’re so mean Maa-kun, I put my whole soul into these! Look, if you bite into them jam starts oozing out like blood~”
“How exactly is this meant to be cute?”
“You’re so insensitive~!”
Mao takes a cupcake from one of the bentos, and they really are quite good, if she ignores how gross it is that the hyper-realistic heart is now quite literally oozing with jam in lieu of blood. “They’re good, though,” she says around a mouthful, “I don’t see why you can call my rice balls bruised and battered but I can’t make a single comment on your cupcakes.”
“Because these are a masterpiece, Maa-kun.” Ritsu scolds. “Of course my baking has a special privilege over your cooking.”
“Mhm.” Mao hums, not convinced.
Ritsu tuts, reaching over to take another rice ball. The two continue like that for a moment, eating together happily, Mao sharing some of the various chocolates of hers with Ritsu who ate them without remorse. Ritsu glared at everyone who walked past the two, which normally Mao would scold her for, but she can’t say she didn’t appreciate the way that some boys would turn away with their chocolates after seeing the two sitting together. Whatever they thought didn’t matter — it was so much easier to deal with the influx of cards and chocolates when they weren’t given face to face, because then Mao would have to fumble around for some excuse to turn them down, and then she would think about it for weeks after, wondering if she was too harsh, if they would hate her forever after the conversation.
Another thing the face to face confessions caused was panic, because Mao always denied them, and then she would feel vaguely anxious for the rest of the day trying to figure out why she had even said no in the first place. Sure, she was extremely busy with all her responsibilities, but she could always make time for them… like she makes time for Ritsu. It was so much easier accepting Ritsu’s grandiose affections everyday than the small load she got each Valentines.
Why was that?
It wasn’t much different, in retrospect. In fact Ritsu’s affections could even be seen as worse, because they were always so over the top, and so terribly embarrassing. But she didn’t dislike them. Perhaps it had to do with her low confidence, because despite Ritsu’s teasing she always managed to cheer her up, she always made Mao feel like she was useful, truly useful, like she was irreplaceable. And that was something Mao never experienced with anyone else.
(She never felt as worthy of love with anyone else.)
Mao realizes that she’s spaced out when she notices Ritsu staring at her silently. “Sorry, did you say something?”
“Mm, no~ I’m going to the bathroom, if anyone tries to confess to you while I’m gone remember to tell them that we’re already engaged~ ♡”
“I will not say that,” Mao says firmly, but she’s grinning again. Ritsu was so weird, but it was kind of cute. (Not that her finding Ritsu cute meant anything. It was just an observation.) “Can you wait a second, I want to give you something first.”
“Oh? Maa-kun has something for little ol’ me? Confessing so soon~?”
“Shut up,” Mao says, pulling something out from her bag. “I just wanted to get you something nice, that’s all.”
Ritsu takes the card from Mao, choosing to open the candy first. It’s cola flavored, Ritsu’s favorite, and she breaks it apart before eating it, giving Mao the smaller half. She then puts the card back into Mao’s hands, and to her horror, says, “Read it to me.”
“What?”
“Read it to me,” Ritsu repeats with a lazy smirk, “c’mon, what’s the point in me reading it when the author is right here~?”
“N-no,” Mao argues weakly.
“Please?” Ritsu asks, pouting, giving Mao those puppy dog eyes that always makes her give.
“F-fine, but you have to promise to leave right after I say it and go use the bathroom like you said you wanted to. I don’t want to see your face after, it’s too embarrassing. I’ll collapse.”
Ritsu giggles, “You’re such a softie, Maa-kun~ go on~”
Mao clears her throat, her cheeks heating up with each word. “Um, dear Ritsu, I hope today is full of love for you. Thank you for sticking by my side for so long, I love you. Love from Mao. H-happy?”
“You look like a very cute little tomato right now~” Ritsu grins, and Mao’s face goes to her hands.
“Stop, that was so embarrassing, fuck. Go use the bathroom before I crumple up and die.”
“But—”
“You promised.”
Ritsu stares at her for a moment before she walks out of the classroom at Mao’s wishes, but she doesn’t go far, slipping into the room next door. Mao’s always so cute, always becoming so easily flustered. She really does make it too easy, Ritsu thinks.
It’s not as rowdy here — Souma and Adonis are feeding each other quietly in the corner, always so lovey dovey. Surprisingly, Subaru is sitting still (with the exception of her bouncing her leg, but she would probably explode without retaining movement so this is quite an achievement for her), with Makoto and Hokuto sitting beside her, the three of them talking uncharacteristically quietly whilst they share their lunch.
Subaru notices her first, waving and speaking around her omurice, “Ritsu-senpai, yahoo~ ☆”
“You’re not with your girlfriend?” Hokuto asks honestly, and Ritsu can feel her heart start to jackrabbit in her chest before Makoto interrupts.
“They’re not dating, Hidaka-kun!” Makoto scolds, pointing her chopsticks in her face accusingly. “Isara-kun might just be busy now. You know how many chocolates she always gets.”
“She’s not busy,” Ritsu comments, sitting in an empty chair near them. “I just needed to ask you guys something.”
“Hmm? Really?” Subaru asks, tilting her head to the side. Her pigtails looked lopsided like this, and they probably were, the clips arranged messily in her ginger hair. “We were just talking about how Gami-san very rudely threw my present for her away!”
“I told you not to give her that!” Makoto sighs, exasperated.
“The dog treats?” Ritsu asks, “Corgi seemed a little insulted~”
“They were for Leon!” Subaru cries out, before going, “Oh well, whatever! I’ll just try again next year! ☆”
“Ignore her,” Hokuto says, “What was it you wanted to ask us, Sakuma?”
“Umm, do you think Maa-kun has ever recieved poetry before?” Ritsu asks, fiddling with a loose strand of her hair to distract herself. It was such a stupid question, she could’ve just asked Mao herself, but something about it made her feel so vulnerable, and she didn’t know what she would do with herself if Mao asked her why. Lying was easy, but she didn’t like to lie to Mao if she could help it. She was too precious to her for that.
“Poetry?” Hokuto repeats, staring at her blankly. “I don’t think so.”
“I don’t think anyone cares enough to write poetry~” Subaru chimes, and then she covers her mouth, acting shocked. “Oops! That came out a little funky~ ☆”
“W-well,” Makoto stutters, trying to brush over Subaru’s rather blunt comment. “Maybe she has, but she’s never mentioned it to us before. Why’s that?”
“No reason~” Ritsu says breezily, and then she’s gone before they can say goodbye, peeking into her own classroom through the door’s window. She can see Mao in there, packing away their bentos for them, and she can see boys approaching her, and then Ritsu turns away from the door, not wanting to see the interaction. If she was stronger, she would slam the door open, confront the boy herself. But she’s always known that she’s weak, she’s always known that she could never put herself in the limelight like that. (She could never compromise what she has with Mao like that.)
She slumps against the hallway wall, digging into her pocket for the paper again. She’s always written poetry, it was a hobby she picked up from when they wrote their first haiku in elementary school, it was a way to turn her storm of feelings into a beautiful rain. She could write things that she could never say, and she could hide them behind beautiful words, rhymes and structure. It was such a beautiful form of self expression, one Ritsu’s always been praised for by her teachers, but it’s impossible for her to put the words on the page, it’s impossible for her to confront her feelings for Mao and put them somewhere for all to see.
Ritsu holds the paper out in front of her. There were a million things she wanted to say, how could she possibly fit them all on such a small page? How could she possibly compress all of her love into this poem, when she can’t say it enough face to face?
She turns, using the wall to press the paper against, digging the pen out of her pocket. She writes something small in the center, putting a sharp period at the end. At most, she knew she could say this, even if her throat closed up or her larynx crawled out she’d always find a way to tell her.
☆
When Mao walks her home in the evening, Ritsu opts out of the piggyback ride for the first time in a long time, instead intertwining their fingers as the two walk side by side. Ritsu’s been acting a little strange today — she’s always strange, but it’s almost like she’s been pushing Mao away, and Mao doesn’t know why it hurts, even though they’ve spent so much time together today like they always do, it still hurts that they’re not attached at the hip, and she’s embarrassed that it hurts, she’s disgusted with herself for feeling such a way over something so little. Why can’t she just be content with what she has? Ritsu is still here with her, and she won’t go anywhere, she won’t run off with her tail between her legs like some of her Valentines Day confessors do, she won’t just disappear between her fingertips.
Right?
They reach the door, and Mao stops after the first step, like she usually does, but Ritsu pulls her hand back into her grip, pulling Mao after her. “Maa-kun, you can stay for a bit tonight, right? I… I have something for you.” She mumbles, avoiding her eyes.
“Hmm?” Mao hasn’t fully digested the words. “Um, sure, that’s fine. Our late basketball practice was canceled today anyway so Buchou and Sakuma-senpai could go out tonight.”
Ritsu makes a retching sound, “Eurgh, don’t remind me. She needs to get out while she still can.”
Mao chuckles, “You’re too harsh on her.”
“I’m not harsh enough,” Ritsu argues, “but anyway, I digress~ wait here for a moment, okay?”
“Alright,” Mao agrees without much thought, sitting on the couch in the foyer. She expected Ritsu to go to the kitchen, but instead she darts up the stairs, and Mao starts to wonder just what Ritsu could be giving her. She hadn’t expected anything at all, but perhaps she had found them matching My Melody and Kuromi merchandise again, even though Mao really is more of a Keroppi and Pompompurin kind of girl, but she matches with Ritsu anyway.
After five minutes pass, Mao starts to feel somewhat anxious. What on earth did Ritsu have planned? She contemplates going up to check on her, but then she hears the door burst open, the soft pitter patter of Ritsu’s feet as she runs down the stairs ceasing her thoughts.
“Sorry,” Ritsu calls, “I had to get everything organized.”
“Organized?” Mao repeats, standing up to get a better look at Ritsu. She’s holding a small pink binder in her hands, covering the front page from Mao’s view.
“Umm, I just wanted to give you something nice,” Ritsu starts awkwardly, tracing her finger over the cover and following it with her eyes. “I’ve probably written thirty poems in the past three days.”
Mao blinks, dumbfounded. “W-what?”
“Uh, I mean, I don’t really show anyone my poems,” Ritsu continues, clearing her throat awkwardly. She can feel her face get hot, since when could she get flustered like this? It was a surprise for both of them. “Because to be frank they’re quite personal. And I’m not really good with vocalizing my emotions outside of saying what I always say. So it’s a lot easier to write them down, if that makes sense?”
Mao nods dumbly. “Uh-huh.”
“W-well, I tried doing that, but it was all wrong. I don’t really know how to express it,” Ritsu mumbles, still avoiding Mao’s gaze. “I think it’s because I’ve always felt this way, so it’s hard to suddenly define something you’ve always had, y’know? I don’t know, fuck.”
“It’s okay, Ritchan,” Mao says, brushing a strand of her hair out her face for her. “What are you trying to say?”
“That’s the thing,” Ritsu says with a smile, “I don’t know the answer to that, either.”
“I thought you were supposed to be a lot smarter than me?” Mao teases, and Ritsu laughs.
“Yeah, I know. But it’s hard. The only concrete thing I know is that I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“No,” Ritsu complains, shaking her head, and then she finally looks Mao in the eyes. “I love you, Maa-kun.”
Mao just stares at her. “Huh?”
Ritsu presses the binder into Mao’s chest harshly, “These are all my scrapped poems. I put them together for you. I wanted to write you something beautiful but I couldn’t settle on any of my ideas; there were too many. There’s too many things I wanted to thank you for, to tell you I love you for. I love you. It’s the only thing I can manage. I’m sorry it’s lame, you always do so much more for me.”
Mao takes the binder from her hands, finally getting to look at the cover. A blank page, the only thing across it is, I love you.
Mao feels like she’s floating. Maybe Ritsu laced the cupcakes with something, because she thinks she might be having an out of body experience, as if her soul is rising far above her right now. Ritsu’s looking at her expectantly, and the blood is all rushing to her head, she thinks she might die.
“Sorry,” Ritsu says to fill the silence, reaching to tug the binder away from Mao’s grasp, “That was weird, wasn’t it? Just pretend this never happened. I’ll take it back and put them all in the trash where they belong—”
“No, don’t,” Mao says suddenly, cutting across her. She pulls the binder back towards her, and Ritsu’s fingers slowly unfurl from around it. “I think I’m going to pass out.”
“What?”
“I love you too, Ritsu. Seriously. God.” Mao feels like she’s going to explode.
“Y-you do?” She asks shyly, and it’s weird, usually Mao is the flustered one, why is Ritsu so shy all of a sudden?
“Yeah. God, yeah.” Mao admits, and she feels stupid, like she fucked it up somehow, but she’s smiling again.
Ritsu smiles wide, pulling Mao in for a hug, and Mao sets the binder down so she can hug her tight in return, and then she suddenly wriggles out of the embrace, and Mao’s about to ask what’s wrong when she cups her hands around Mao’s face and kisses her softly, pulling away quickly.
“Fuck, I’ve been waiting for way too long to do that.”
“Do it again,” Mao says, and Ritsu flushes, but then she takes hold of Mao’s face again and pulls her close, Mao closing the distance. “I have a request.”
“A request?” Ritsu echoes. “What is it, Maa-kun?”
“What if — what if you read me the poetry?”
“No.”
“You made me read my card to you!” Mao protests.
“That’s different~ ♡”
“How is that different?!”
Ritsu laughs again, loud and hard, wrapping her arms around Mao’s waist and almost tackling her to the couch with cuddles. “Because you’re Maa-kun!” She exclaims for the second time that day.
“Because I’m Maa-kun,” Mao repeats somewhat sarcastically.
Ritsu smiles, looking Mao in the eyes, “Because you’re Maa-kun and I love you and I’m Ritsu and you love me.”
Well, nonsensical or not, Mao couldn’t argue with that.