Work Text:
Nightmare
“Pika?”
Ash barely heard his starter's concerned little voice through the thick haze of sleep. He vaguely felt the press of Pikachu’s weight on his chest but slept on peacefully.
“Chuuu…”
Ash groaned, stirring noisily but still not waking.
“Pikapi!”
His eyes snapped open when the electric mouse gave his hand a not-so-gentle bite. “What?” he groaned, voice still thick with sleep, eyes threatening to slide right back shut.
Pikachu hopped up on his chest and stared down at him with wide, worried eyes, his ears drooping. “Pipichu…”
Ash realized his husband’s warmth wasn't curled into his side or draped over him like it usually was. He sat up quickly, his eyes easily landing on where Gary was sitting up in the middle of the bed, knees drawn up and face resting against them. Umbreon had moved from her spot curled at the foot of the bed to instead lie against Gary, her head resting against his leg as she watched him with concern. Even Arcanine had come from his usual spot in front of the bedroom door and sat with his front half on the foot of the bed, gently nosing Gary’s hand.
Now that Ash was awake, Pikachu scurried back over to Gary and squeezed into the space between his knees and chest, cooing softly as he disappeared into the narrow space. The shaking and harsh breaths were obvious even from Ash’s position near the headboard.
Oh. Ash felt instantly terrible. He should have known the nightmares would have returned.
Shoving aside the covers, he crawled over to his husband and wrapped his arms around his trembling form. “Shhh, babe,” he soothed, pressing soft kisses to his hair. “I'm here, I've got you.”
That last incident with legendaries had been too close and he’d seen how quiet Gary had been since. He’d noticed how tired Gary had been, but hadn’t thought about it. He tightened his grip around his husband’s shoulders and rested his forehead against his back.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered.
Everyone else had moved on – just another near-death experience for seemingly-immortal Ash. Even Ash had moved on just fine, albeit with a few fresh scars and a bit of a limp while his leg finished healing. He'd honestly been through worse, even if this one had almost been permanent. But Gary…
Gary hadn’t said anything about it after his initial – very intense – scolding. Ash had thought he had moved on as well. He should have known that Gary wouldn't speak up and tell anyone that he hadn’t moved on as easily as everyone else. He should have known that Gary would have a hard time. He knew there was going to be a problem of some sort. Mewtwo had been involved: of course there was going to be something, and the return of panic attacks and nightmares that had long-since been managed had been anticipated.
But life had moved on quickly and Ash had gotten distracted with getting back to normal and… Well. Here they were.
Ash had never felt like more of an idiot. He’d meant to be there – he had been there for everyone else, but he had somehow managed to fail with the person who mattered most.
He pressed a kiss to Gary’s shoulder and closed his eyes with a sigh. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t even think about nightmares, babe.”
Another thought occurred to Ash and his stomach dropped.
No. Hopefully not… It had been almost two months since the incident.
“I haven’t been sleeping through this every night, have I?”
Gary stiffened beneath him, hesitating before giving a tiny, tense nod. It felt as though someone had reached into Ash’s chest and grasped his heart, crushing it in an icy grip. He buried his face against Gary’s shoulder blade, eyes squeezed shut.
Gods, he had fucked up so badly.
“I’m so sorry,” he croaked.
“Stop apologizing!” Gary snapped suddenly, his voice so choked and strained that Ash only felt his heart break further.
Ash pulled away, unsure of what to do or say. He had seen Gary through a lot of things over the years, as friends, as rivals, as partners: injuries, illnesses, anxieties… He’d experienced a few nightmares here and there, but nothing like this. This was uncharted waters for Ash and he couldn’t think of when he might have ever seen Gary this upset. Maybe as young children at some point, but it wasn’t something he could remember.
“Gary…”
His husband sniffled and drew away, moving to stand. “It's fine,” Gary muttered, refusing to look at him.
He knew where this was going.
Ash caught him by the shoulder. “It's not fine, Gary!” He lowered his voice and pulled his squirming husband back into his embrace. “C'mon, you know I'm not gonna let you sit and suffer in silence –”
“Don't know why not…”
Was he really going to do this now? Now, while he was an emotional wreck in the middle of the night, likely exhausted beyond belief. Ash wasn’t about to let him go down that route.
“Because you don't deserve to! Because you're loved – because I love you!” He sighed, blinking away the stubborn burning in his eyes as he saw the tears tracing down Gary’s cheeks. He reached to thumb a few of them away, his heart breaking at the mere sight of them. “Damn it, Gary, why can't you ever just believe us when we tell you how much we love you?”
A choked sob escaped Gary and Ash tightened his grasp on him, pulling him ever closer as he caught his own breath and let Gary get some of it out.
“Why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares?” he asked softly, though he was sure he already knew the answer.
“Because I didn't want…”
“Didn't want what?” Ash prompted. “To worry me? Babe, I–”
“You were still recovering, I didn't want to wake you up.”
How Gary had managed to choke that out between sobs, Ash didn't know. That part wasn't as nearly important as getting him through this.
“And you were recovering from seeing your husband almost get killed, and with Mewtwo there…” he broke off, briefly unable to finish. He really hadn’t thought about this at all, had he? He caught his breath and pressed a firm kiss to Gary’s hair. “We should have known – I should have known. No wonder you never believe us when we say how much we love you,” he realized sadly, “because we're never there for you when you need it most. Fuck, Gary, I'm so sorry.”
“You're here now.”
Now was two months after the fact. That wasn’t good enough.
That wasn’t anywhere near good enough.
“Gary–”
“Ash, just stop apologizing, please.”
Ash fell quiet at the desperation in his voice. He still felt the need to do something, but talking was only making Gary more upset and Umbreon’s unimpressed gaze wasn’t helping any. Unsure of what else to do, he loosened his hold and started to pull away but one of Gary’s hands shot out and grasped his wrist, keeping him in place. He carefully wound his arms back around him and rested his head against Gary’s.
“What do you need?” he whispered.
“This.”
He could do that.
Ash carefully slipped his wrist out of Gary’s grip to instead lace their fingers together. He pressed a kiss to his husband’s cheek and squeezed his hand. “I’m here,” he murmured with another soft kiss. “As long as you need.”
He heard Gary’s breath hitch and knew the tears were back. That was fine. It was probably a good thing at this point. Ash gave his hand another gentle squeeze and held him close, letting him bury his face against his shoulder. He didn’t care about the tears wetting his shirt and sticking the fabric to him, nor the crushing grip Gary held his hand with.
None of those mattered, and if he had to ice his hand in the morning… Well, that was just another price to pay for his reckless impulsivity when it came to legendary pokemon. Seeing Gary like this was a steep enough price for him to rethink throwing himself in harm’s way so quickly in the future. He couldn’t put his husband, his oldest friend – his best friend – through this again.
They stayed that way for a long while, long past the harsh sobs, past the tears, past the shaking. The grip on Ash’s hand slowly eased and Gary’s breathing slowly steadied, but Ash waited until he felt his husband slump against him, his anxious mind finally allowing him the sleep he needed. Ash ran his fingers through his hair and smiled faintly when Gary’s only response was to settle further against him in his sleep.
Good. He needed it. Ash had known Gary needed more sleep well before he knew about the nightmares.
Ash carefully laid him back down and pulled the covers over them, taking extra care to avoid jostling him as he wrapped his arms more comfortably around him. Pikachu settled against Gary, curling as close to his chest as possible and Ash smiled, though it was a bit sad. Seeing the way Pikachu was so protective of Gary always made his heart warm. He moved one hand to give his starter a grateful pat on the head. Arcanine and Umbreon were too far away to thank without risking waking Gary but he was sure they knew how grateful he was for them always being there for their trainer, and for their trust for him to do the same.
It took a few minutes of lying there, listening to Gary’s deep and steady breaths, feeling his warm weight in his arms before Ash was able to fall into his own slumber.
… … …
Ash awoke to the morning sunlight shining through the gap between the bedroom curtains. Despite the sunshine, the bed was cold and empty. He sat up slowly and peered around the room, but his husband and their pokemon were nowhere to be seen.
So Gary was going to act like nothing had happened, huh? Ash sighed and flopped back on the bed. He hoped that wasn’t the case.
As he lay against the pillows he noticed a noise filtering up from the first floor. It took a moment to recognize the gentle tinkling of the piano. He actually hadn't heard it in a while, he realized. Not since…
Huh. Maybe Gary wasn't pretending last night hadn’t happened.
Ash yawned widely and climbed out of bed, curiosity winning out. He detoured into the bathroom, taking a few minutes to brush his teeth and wash his face before heading downstairs still clad in his pajamas. As he started down the stairs, the piano grew louder, the melody somewhat familiar, one of Gary’s go-to warm-up songs. The tune was interrupted by a series of out of place notes and the sound of his husband’s laughter.
It happened again and Gary only laughed harder.
“That's not how it goes, you little goofball,” Gary's voice came, followed by Pikachu’s chatter. “I know you like doing that but that's not how the song goes.”
Ash reached the first floor and the entry to the den in time to see Pikachu dart across the piano keys one more time. Gary laughed again and caught the little electric type, who squealed and chittered excitedly, clearly enjoying his time with his second favorite person.
Ash smiled and leaned against the wall in the entryway, watching as Gary pulled the squirming mouse into his lap.
“Pi, Pipichu!”
“Okay, okay, but if you wanna help me play, you actually have to hit the right keys, bud.”
“Pika!” Pikachu slapped his front paws on the keys, hitting as many random notes as he could before Gary pulled him away from the keys with another laugh.
“You can't just hit any key. Here, this one.” Pikachu slammed his paw down on the key Gary had pointed to, hitting it two, three, four times before Gary caught his paw. “Just once.” Pikachu pressed the key and Gary pointed to another key. “This one… good, now this one.”
Ash stayed in the entryway, drinking in the sweet scene before him as long as he could before either of them noticed. It was an adorable sight and, after last night, a welcome one.
But it didn't last long.
“Someone slept in,” Gary said slyly after a few moments of Ash quietly watching.
Ash grinned. He didn’t know how Gary had known he was there, but his husband was almost as good as Tracey with observations so he wasn't entirely surprised. “You're allowed to sleep in on occasion too, you know,” he replied.
Gary looked up and met Ash’s eyes with a small smile of his own. “I can also take a nap later,” he retorted.
Ash shook his head as he ventured into the room and wrapped his arms around Gary’s shoulders from behind. Always so stubborn. He patted Pikachu’s head and pressed a quick kiss to Gary’s cheek. “You had the perfect excuse to stay in bed and be pampered all morning.”
“You know I can't stand staying in bed.”
“Even when you need the sleep and deserve the pampering?” Ash pressed.
“I don't know about that last part.” Gary returned his attention to the piano, barely managing to get in a single note before Pikachu squawked indignantly.
Ash smiled at his starter, though he was tempted to roll his eyes at his partner. “Pikachu thinks you do. So do I, and since I would be the one doing the pampering, my opinion matters more than yours right now.”
“You don't have to pamper me, Ash,” Gary argued calmly, his hands absently tracing out melodies as though they weren’t in the middle of a serious conversation. "It's just some nightmares, I'll be fine in a few weeks.”
“It's been a few months, Gary.”
“I know how long it’s been.”
“Gary…” Ash reached out and caught one of Gary’s hands, gently twining their fingers together. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having nightmares?”
He sighed and let his other hand fall away from the keys. “I didn’t want to wake you up because I knew you needed the rest and because I know how to handle them.”
“Just because you know how, doesn't mean you have to do it alone.” Couldn’t he ever get that through his head?
But Gary looked up at him a bemused smile and shook his head. “I haven’t been, Ash. Arcanine’s been dealing with the Mewtwo nightmares since they started, and Umbreon’s not far behind. They didn’t forget what to do. And Pikachu gets worried when I take too long in the shower – do you really think he’s gonna let me deal with a nightmare alone?”
“Pi!”
Gary gave him a smile and a placating pat on the head before meeting Ash’s eyes, expression serious. “He woke you up when I couldn’t calm down,” he explained.
That made sense, actually. Still…
“I know you can handle it and I get that the pokemon know what to do,” he said quietly after a moment. “But I’m your husband, I want to help you. Please wake me up next time,” he asked, giving Gary’s hand a squeeze. He expected Gary to argue, or to at least put up some sort of fuss, but he didn’t.
Instead he nodded. “Okay,” he agreed quietly.
Grateful as Ash was for the easy agreement, he couldn’t help but be suspicious. “You’re too tired to argue aren’t you?”
This drew a tiny laugh from Gary and he nodded, leaning back to let his head rest against Ash’s chest with his eyes closed. “I’m so tired,” he complained.
Ash ran his fingers through Gary’s hair, tousling the messy strands and earning a content hum in response. “Sure you don't want to be pampered in bed all day?”
He wasn’t entirely surprised when Gary shook his head, but he was surprised when he opened his eyes and looked up at him hopefully. “Maybe we could spend the day on the couch together?”
A lazy movie day? Ash felt a flutter of excitement swell within him at the thought. They hadn’t had one of those in a long time. A day of cuddling on the couch with their pokemon sounded like the exact thing they needed.
He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “Let me make you breakfast first.”
“I was hoping you would say that.”