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“We should talk.”
Three words. All one syllable each. Funny how they’re perfectly harmless when separated but lethal when combined. Buck wants to pretend that he didn’t hear them, but Tommy’s looking at him with such a soft expression that he knows he’s going to have to deal with this. After their rather disastrous first date, he isn’t that surprised to have Tommy at his door saying that deadly sentence, but he still wishes things were different. He really likes Tommy, and he thought maybe this would lead to something more serious.
“Sure, come on in,” he says, forcing a smile as he swings his door open. He looks at the cleaning supplies that he’s got scattered around and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t expecting company. Thought I’d get some chores done before my shift tonight.”
“I probably should have called first, but I got in my car to run some errands, and then, next thing I know, I was pulling into your parking garage before I even realized this was where I was headed,” Tommy admits, shrugging a broad shoulder. He’s wearing a dark burgundy Henley that’s clinging to his body like a second skin. It’s difficult to not get distracted by the view. Buck taps his fingers against his thumb to keep himself from reaching out to touch, to see if the shirt is as soft as it looks, to see if Tommy’s biceps are as hard as he remembers.
“That sounds kind of ominous,” Buck says, walking over to the kitchen island. He picks up his phone and presses pause on the Cleaning Playlist that he’s had going this morning, the sound of Springsteen stopping mid-sentence. He keeps the island between them, turning to face Tommy and bracing himself for what he knows is coming. “Unexpected detour by here, huh?”
“Is something wrong, Evan?” Tommy asks, his tone thoughtful, like he’s choosing his words carefully. “Do you not like surprises? If you’re busy, I can always come back another time. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Is something wrong?” Buck snorts, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, there’s something wrong, Tommy. You’re breaking up with me after one date because I’m such an awkward mess of a human being that can’t even have one dinner without making things weird. Hell, can you even break up with me if we’ve only had one date? Is that even a thing? Damn it, I don’t know.”
“Whoa, hold up.” Tommy crosses the room with determined strides, an intense expression on his face. He’s around the island and standing next to him in seconds, barely enough time for Buck to even take a breath after his nervous rambling. “In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have opened with ‘we should talk’. Probably not the best choice of greeting when you answered the door.”
“Ya think?” Buck snorts, watching Tommy closely when he reaches over to take his hands. He’s been fidgeting, tapping his fingers to distract himself from the situation, but Tommy’s grip is warm and strong, steady. “I know what those words mean.”
“I can’t speak on your history with them, but you don’t know how I mean them,” Tommy says gently. “I’m not here to end things with you, Evan. Hell, they’ve barely even begun. I just haven’t been able to get you out of my mind, so I thought it would be best for us to actually communicate and talk about what’s happening here so we’re on the same page. That’s all I meant.”
“Let me guess—you’ve had therapy, too?” He smiles wryly. “Communication and honesty seem to be the two key points stressed by ever therapist I’ve ever met. I’ve gotten better at doing it, but it doesn’t come naturally to me. I generally jump first into whatever my brain is telling me without taking time to analyze and figure it out before talking. Act first, think later.”
“I wouldn’t have guessed that at all,” Tommy says, arching a brow and smiling slightly. He moves his thumb over Buck’s knuckles, just stroking his skin slowly, like he’s trying to calm a wild animal down. “I do want us to talk. We can do it here if you’re more comfortable or we can go sit down. Whichever you prefer, Ev.”
“You’re too damn nice,” Buck mutters, glancing down to look at their hands. “If you haven’t already guessed, I’m a chaotic mess, Tommy. Our first date was awkward because I’m awkward. This is new to me, being with a man, and then Eddie was there, and he didn’t know, and I didn’t know how to tell him, and I became like the worst douchebag in the world by making you feel like you had to lie about our date, and I wouldn’t want to date me, either. I’m just too much. I’m always too much.”
“There’s a lot to unpack there.” Tommy squeezes his hands but makes no move to let go or move from the spot in the kitchen where they’re standing. “I know that this is new to you, you were open about that on Saturday night. Your relationship with Eddie is special. I get that. I’ve seen how close you two are, and I know you’re still trying to figure out your sexuality, so I understand why you hadn’t told him, why you were uncomfortable when he showed up. You never asked me to lie, and I didn’t. We just let him assume what he wanted and didn’t contradict him.”
“It is special,” Buck agrees, finally looking up at him. “He and Chris…they’re my boys. He’s my best friend, and I didn’t know how to explain to him that we were on a date because you kissed me and rocked my world and made me realize that I’ve been ignoring a huge part of who I am all these years. It wasn’t the time or place, and I just handled it allreally badly. I just…I need to figure out a few things before I tell anyone about this. Even my sister doesn’t know yet.”
“You don’t know this, because there’s still so much we don’t know about each other, but I was a closeted macho douchebag asshole for a lot of my life,” Tommy says bluntly. “I was rude, mean-spirited, and lashed out at any andeveryone because I couldn’t accept that I was gay. It took me years and a lot of hours of therapy to become the man you see before you now. I can still be an asshole, but my targets have changed, and I like to think that I’ve changed for the better. What I’m trying to say is that I know what it’s like to go through this and how it can change everything you’ve ever thought about yourself.
“I, uh, I might have heard a few stories from Hen and Chim about Tommy 1.0, and I can definitely say that I wouldn’t have gone out with him, so you’ve definitely changed,” Buck admits, moving his fingers so they’re entwined with Tommy’s. “It’s kind of like being in the Wizard of Oz, isn’t it? Like everything’s going fine, it’s black and white, and Toto is there, and you don’t know any better so it’s good. It’s okay. But then, suddenly, the world explodes into all these vibrant colors, and there’s so much more depth to everything. Neither one is necessarily better than the other, but the colorized version feels more complete. Only it’s not the real one, so maybe that’s an awful analogy.”
“Nah, it’s a fine analogy. A lot of gay men relate to it,” Tommy tells him. “It’s a thing. You can Google it.” He moves his hands, so their palms are touching. “I came here to talk to you because we haven’t discussed what you want from this. I know our date didn’t go the way either of us wanted it to, but we ended the night on a high note. We kind of went about this all wrong, though. I kissed you and asked you out when you were obviously flustered and having a realization about yourself, and I know I’m irresistible, so it wasn’t fair to put you into that position.”
“You can put me into any position that you want to, Tommy,” Buck blurts out, warmth spreading over his face when Tommy huffs out a laugh. “Uh, I didn’t mean to say that. I meant to say that you didn’t, like, take advantage of me or anything. I wanted your attention, and I didn’t realize it was a crush until the kiss, so I think it had to happen that way or I’d have been convinced that I just wanted a new bro. I waspretty jealous of all the time you were spending with Eddie, but I was too dumb to look at that too closely.”
“Crush, huh?” Tommy’s lips curve into a sexy smile. “I kindathought you were flirting with me during the tour, but then Eddie showed up, and I didn’t have an extra ticket, so I thought I’d ruined my chance with you.” He licks his lips, a quick dart of his tongue that distracts Buck for a full five seconds. “To be completely honest, I was also trying to figure out your relationship with Eddie. When I realized he had a girlfriend, I knew it probably wasn’t what I was thinking it was, but I still wasn’t entirely sure. Then I came to see you and you’re so damn hot and flirty so I figured why not? I had to shoot my shot or I’d have regretted it.”
“Eddie and I are best friends. I know that we’re closer than most guys, but we’ve been through a lot together. He’s my soulmate, you know? Not in the romantic sense, but in the other ways,” Buck says honestly. He knows Eddie loves him, but it’s only ever been as a friend. “I love him, Tommy. He and Chris both. You know, I might cancel a date because they need me or have to change our plans at the last minute. I’m always going to be there for them, and, if that’s a dealbreaker, then maybe this shouldn’t happen between us. I’ve dated other people who couldn’t accept that part of my life, and I like you too much to risk that resentment growing between us.”
Tommy doesn’t look offended or upset. Instead, he smiles. “See, I came to that conclusion myself, which is one reason that I think I ended up coming here to see you today. After our date, I couldn’t ignore a few things, so I had to do some soul-searching of my own, and I realized that it isn’t a dealbreaker. I can share you with Eddie. You’re such a great guy, not to mention hot as fire and sexy as sin. I want to spend time with you, become friends, date you, and see where things go between us if you’re willing to try. What do you want, Evan?”
He’s a terrible, horrible person because the image of Tommy and Eddie sharing him flashes through his mind much too easily for him to deny that he hasn’t maybe fantasized about that more than once since his great bi-awakening. It’s so wrong to think about his best friend naked, especially knowing said best friend is straight, but he can’t control his libido apparently. His face is heated as he clears his throat, watching Tommy’s mouth curve into a knowing smirk that causes his dick to perk up and pay attention. And, okay, so maybe he’s got some majorly complicated feelings for Eddie that he doesn’t want to examine right now, but Tommy isn’t forcing him to do that anyway. He’s asking Buck what he wants, and he can’t really remember the people he usually dates ever caring that much to ask.
“I want you,” he whispers, meeting Tommy’s gaze. “I want what you said—to become better friends, to date and get to know each other, to learn about what I like and don’t like when it comes to having sex with men, to do all that with you. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m planning to use you. I don’t want you to think that you’re some kind of intro-boyfriend for the baby bi and that I’m not committed a hundred percent to the possibility of us if we do this. We don’t have to be super serious if you prefer keeping it casual, especially knowing that you’ll be sharing priority in my life, but I don’t want to go into this planning on something temporary. I give too much of myself when I’m dating to pull back and protect my heart if you’re just looking for sex.”
“I don’t feel like I’m a starter boyfriend for the baby bi,” Tommy says, his amusement evident in his tone. “And if I only wanted sex, I could find that easily without having to maneuver my way through your existing soulmate relationship with a guy that’s becoming a good friend of mine. Neither of us knows what the future holds, but I can confidently say that I’m not looking for something temporary. I want a partner, someone who can be there for me, someone who can eventually love me. And you’ve got a big heart with so much love that I’m hoping maybe some of it can be for me. I’m going into this with my eyes wide open, Evan. I know that getting hurt is a possibility, but it always is when you’re dating and being emotionally vulnerable with someone, and I’m not too scared to take the risk.”
Buck leans in and kisses Tommy. He can’t help it. He’s being so open and honest, which is surprisingly sexy. Tommy’s grip on his hands tightens before he returns the kiss, licking into Buck’s mouth and pressing closer. They spent a few hours together after their date making out, coming in their pants like horny teenagers, and Buck feels the same heat of attraction building in his gut that he had that night. Tommy’s ridiculously attractive, extremely well-built and strong but also gentle and teasing in ways that make Buck feel valued and wanted in ways he hasn’t maybe ever. As a person and not just a body who happens to be incredibly great at sex.
Not that he’s that good at sex when it comes to being with a man. It’s still new to him, a little scary and a lot exciting, but he’s a fast learner. And Tommy is a great teacher, patient and supportive and open to taking however much time they need. Kissing is something that Buck is already starting to feel more confident about. He’s exploring, finding out what makes Tommy’s breath catch, what makes him bite back moans, what makes him groan in a wrecked tone that gives Buck a rush of power at being able to cause those noises.
Tommy lets him take the lead, giving him control of the kiss. They don’t let go of each other’s hands, but Buck moves them, using his body to push Tommy against the island. He knows how easy it would be to escalate things, to let go of Tommy’s hands and shove his shirt up, to drag his fingernails across his pecs and then lower, to grind against him until they’re coming in their underwear like they did the other night. Instead, he focuses on kissing. He uses his lips and tongue, licking into Tommy’s mouth, nibbling on his plump lower lip, letting it get wet and messy, breaking only for soft gasps of air before going back.
They kiss until his lips start to feel numb, and they have tofinally pull apart. Tommy’s mouth is swollen and wet, his face flushed, and his eyes halfway closed in a way that lets Buck know he’s turned on. He caused that just from kissing. He can’t help feeling smug about it, to know his mouth is responsible for Tommy’s current dazed horniness. Tommy snorts and squeezes his hands, which they’re still holding even after the steamy make-out session.
“You’re looking rather confident, pretty boy,” Tommy drawls, dragging his thumbs over Buck’s palms. “Do you wannamove this to the couch? We can just keep kissing. Don’t have to do anything else. Kissing you is damn addictive.”
“I kinda can’t feel my lips,” Buck admits. “But I’m not going to complain about you being addicted to my kisses. I reallyenjoy kissing you, Tommy. I could happily spend hours doing nothing but kissing. Not that I don’t want to do more eventually. I’ve been thinking about other things we could do since you left the other night.”
“Thinking, huh?” Tommy slowly grins. “I’d like to hear more about that. I wanna know what turns you on, Ev. What fantasies you’ve got in that pretty head of yours. Want you to tell me your deepest, darkest desires. Want you to trust me enough to share all of those private thoughts one day.” He presses a kiss against Buck’s mouth. “But not today. I think you’ve had a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions this morning with my poor choice of greeting and all that talking we’ve done. What do you say to me taking you out for lunch? We can keep it casual, just new friends hanging out, or we can make it date number two. Maybe catch a movie before your shift starts. Whichever you feel more comfortable doing.”
“Lunch and a movie sound like a fun afternoon,” Buck says, liking the way that Tommy’s face lights up at his answer. “Kind of perfect for a second date. But you get to choose the restaurant this time.”
Tommy laughs. “Sure, I suppose I can find somewhere in Los Angeles that Eddie won’t happen to show up,” he says, his nose wrinkling in that adorable way that makes his eyes crinkle, too. Buck just looks at him openly, admiring the angles of his face and the stubble that’s likely made his own face pink and the laugh lines around his eyes and—“If you keep staring at me like that, we might not make it to a movie, Evan.”
“Not my fault you’re so attractive,” Buck points out. “Gottablame your genetics, not me. And you promised me a movie, Kinard. I’m expecting a large popcorn with extra butter and, like, theater candy, too.”
“I’ll be sure to let my parents know that it’s their fault I was distracted by this hot guy ogling me,” Tommy says dryly. “As for popcorn and candy? We might have to stop by the bank so I can take out a loan. That stuff is expensive as hell these days.”
“Hey, are you trying to make this a cheap date?” Buck teases. “I mean, you only flew Eddie to Vegas for a fight, and that wasn’t even a date, so I think I deserve popcorn and candy for the movie.”
“Don’t be jealous, baby,” Tommy says, dropping his voice into a sexy low tone that has definitely moved up the list to top ten of Buck’s Known Kinks list this week. “You’re the only one I want to kiss. I’ll even get you two boxes of candy.”
“I’m not jealous. And stop trying to distract me with your sexy everything,” Buck says, squeezing Tommy’s hands before he finally lets them go. “Let me go change my shirt, and then we can get lunch.”
“You don’t have to change on my account,” Tommy says, smirking as he continues using the Sexy Voice. “I like the way that worn cotton hugs the curve of your shoulders, and the peek-a-boo skin from where the holes are is hot.”
“It’s an old t-shirt because I was cleaning this morning, not expecting company,” Buck says, tugging on the hem of the shirt and pulling it over his head. He hears Tommy make an appreciative noise and adds a little wiggle to his walk as he heads to the staircase. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Don’t worry,” Tommy says in a confident tone. “I’m not planning on going anywhere, Evan.”