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“Hey Zoro, do you have any maxi pads? I’ll get you more, I promise.” Nami peeked into the boy’s room, eyes covered until she was told both occupants were decent.
Zoro set the whetstone and the swords in his lap down, getting up to go diving in the storage chest where each boy kept their belongings. He pulled a bag out and ruffled through it and pulled out what Nami had asked for. “Yeah, sure. You run out?”
She took them gratefully. “Yeah, I gave my last few to Vivi last week. All I’ve got left are ultra thins, which aren’t working out so well right now.”
Zoro nodded, quickly understanding what she was talking about.
“These have wings, that okay?”
Nami nodded. “Oh I can just cut 'em off if I have to. Thanks Zoro!”
“Yeah, you’re welcome.”
Sanji watched the interaction a little confused. Why would Nami come to Zoro for pads of all things? Aren’t those used solely by women?
Zoro caught his stare and glared. Sanji quickly looked away, burying his face back into the recipe cards he was organizing before.
“There we go,” Zoro rinsed the last of the soap clean off the reindeer’s head. “All clean, Chopper. How’s that feel?”
The reindeer beamed, feeling how soft and unmatted his fur felt. “Amazing! Thank you for the help, Zoro!”
Zoro stood with a stretch of his back, wringing out the kinks that worked their way into his muscles while helping Chopper. “I’m gonna go soak now.” He plainly supplied, stalking over to a corner to abandon his towel and rinse himself off first.
The water felt amazing on his sore muscles. Hot but not too hot. A relaxing temperature.
He felt eyes on him. He relaxed further into the water, slumping down to his shoulders. But the eyes wouldn’t leave. He opened his own eyes and turned to where he felt the others, catching Sanji in the act.
The blond quickly tore his gaze away, directing his loose attention to Luffy and Usopp who were both making a fool of themselves playing in the bath. Zoro rolled his eyes. He decided to ignore the judgment, bigoted or perverted whatever the hell the cook was thinking.
“You’re a girl?”
Zoro’s lips twitched into a scowl. “No.”
The blond stopped him in the hall after their bath. The others breaking off to explore the palace. Zoro was headed to whatever secluded corner he could find, feeling a bit too exposed and self conscious now. He hasn’t been to an onsen in a while. Should’ve waited until everyone else was done to bathe and soak in private, save himself the dysphoria and butt hurt.
“Oh,” Sanji acted like he cracked some kind of code. “You’re pretending to be a guy so people take you seriously.”
Zoro turned a corner, hoping it would lead to an empty room he could hide in for a while. He growled when all he came to was an open balcony.
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll keep myself under control so as to not blow your cover.” Zoro wanted to punch the cocky pervert in the face. “But you do have a nice body. Always thought those tits of yours were just man tits. Back at the Baratie we tease Patty about his all the time.” Obnoxious fucking laugh.
Zoro twirled sharp on his heel. He purposely bumped the blond’s shoulder with his own, a nasty grimace stuck on his face. “They are man tits.” He mumbled. But Sanji didn’t hear.
“If you ever decide to stop this little charade of yours, bet you’d look nice with shoulder length hair—” All noise ceased when his back hit the wall. All air leaving his lungs. Zoro had a fist full of the other’s shirt, yanking hard enough to put strain on the back of his neck as he pulled.
“What the hell is your—”
“Shut up!” Zoro seethed. “Shut the fuck up!”
Sanji snarled back. “Hey what the hell!? I was just complimenting you!”
Zoro pushed him further into the wall. “I’m not a woman, dammit!”
Sanji tried wriggling away but it was no use. His grip knuckle white.
Zoro hated how different his glare looked now. How softer it felt. How the fire for fighting him was lost. Even how he refused to touch him, even his shoulders to push away. He could read the regret of their past altercations in his unclothed eye, the guilt of hitting a woman. It made his blood boil.
This was sensei all over again! Looking at him differently. Treating him differently. All because he collapsed on the dojo floor in pain from a few bruised ribs and impaired breathing. He assumed Zoro only joined the dojo under the guise of being a young boy so he wouldn’t be criticized and turned down. So he’d be allowed to train in what the sensei truly believed was a men’s only practice.
Zoro could only take the purposeful misgendering and blatant misogyny for so long, lashing out on the man he came to respect and care for and look up to as a father figure. Yelling at him with wet eyes as he harshly tells him he was exactly like the other boys. That he was simply in the wrong body, he IS a man and he deserves the same treatment they receive, the treatment he so swiftly took away from him. The others still called him He and Him, still included him in their sparring matches, no bias or holding back. They thought of him as the same Zoro they’ve known for so long.
Things were back to normal a week after Zoro’s outburst. Koshiro started treating him as he normally would. Still wouldn’t allow him to bind; though it was in the name of his health this time. If he saw a book for parents of transgender children sitting in plain sight in his quarters while peeking in through a cracked door, having gone looking for the man to tell him about the guest at the door, he wouldn’t say a word, only his chest feeling warm, slightly saddened by the quick change Kuina was missing out on, the change she could’ve had herself.
Back in the present, Zoro dropped the cook to the ground. His body felt so exposed even while fully clothed, even more so than in the bath house. His skin crawled under his wide bewildered gaze. Zoro towered over the blond who normally stood a little taller than himself. He scowled as he spat, “I’m a man just as much as you, if not more. I’m not ‘in disguise’ or whatever bullshit you thought up about me. I’m not faking it, it’s not a phase, I know who I am and I will cut down anyone who tries to put words in my mouth and convince me otherwise.”
With that, Zoro turned heel to leave, Sanji’s call behind him going ignored.
Their first night away from Alabasta was a smooth one. A little rocky with Nico Robin inserting herself into their crew. But nonetheless the crew fell back into their usual routine in no time. The sea was calm. The cook’s food was delicious as always. Though Zoro picked at it, sitting on the deck alone, all the eyes on him bore holes into the insecurities he thought he buried.
But like the stubborn weed it is, it grew, sapping all the energy he had, both physically and mentally.
He pushed the rice around meekly. Mixing it with the corn.
“I made dessert.” A plate was shoved in his face. He jumped out of his thoughts, cursing himself for not hearing the intruding footsteps.
It was a slice of bundt cake. It smelled strongly of the tangerines Nami grew, a white vanilla frosting glaze on top. Zoro ignored it, staring down at his barely touched dinner.
“If you aren’t gonna eat at least give it to Luffy so it doesn’t go to waste,” Sanji held his free hand out for the plate. It was handed over without a word, the swordsman falling back against the wall with his gaze turned away.
Suddenly the cook sat by his side, plates of food sat down next to him, his long legs tucked underneath him in a criss-cross position. Zoro scooted an inch away.
“I’m sorry about the other day.” Sanji suddenly spoke. “I didn’t mean to… offend you, I guess.”
Zoro shifted uncomfortably.
“I just thought—”
“That’s the problem. You thought.” Zoro’s bite oozed with venom.
Sanji flinched at the downright terrifying sneer the swordsman wore. He wasn’t normally intimidated by the man’s threats. He’s heard and witnessed worse. He’s pretty desensitized to being threatened, both with harm and with death. But now that wasn't the case. He felt like one of the ex-bounty hunter’s victims. It’s like a target was put on his back. Sanji swallowed hard. Nervous and intimidated for the first time in the mosshead’s presence.
His nose crinkled with unbridled rage, eyes slit in barely contained anger. “Get the hell out of my face, curly. I don’t wanna be bothered right now.”
Sanji stayed put. His mouth floundered for the words to say.
Zoro rolled over on his side facing the wall, stomach turning at the blond’s stupid face. He cursed himself for not putting his compression bra on, the stretchy fabric meant for working out in for short intervals enough to lightly bind his chest enough to feel at least a little comfortable, not too tight to hinder his breathing or cause damage. He tried to ignore the way they fell pressed together, making him so painfully aware of their existence.
“Why would you want to be something you weren’t born as?” Sanji suddenly asked.
Zoro still faced the wall. Pretending to fall asleep.
“You were born a woman so why change it?”
Zoro grit his teeth. His questions held no malice. They really didn’t. If anything, he sounded more like a school kid asking his teacher to clarify the problem written on the board.
Without turning over Zoro answered. “I was born a man. My body just didn’t get the memo. There was a screw up somewhere.” He spoke about himself like a malfunctioned product. Recalled for the glaring defects in its making. Like his entire existence was a flaw.
“So yeah. I’m a guy with a pair of boobs strapped to his chest and a pussy between his legs. So fucking what. I still deserve to be treated like I’m any other guy. I shouldn’t be stared at like a fucking circus act.”
Zoro hadn’t heard any movement for some time. He assumed the cook had snuck off, slipped away because he became too uncomfortable, too disgusted. He jumped a little when he apologized for the second time that night.
“I still don’t understand though.” He admitted. “You talk as if you hate the body you were born with. It’s like you practically threw up when you said you have… breasts and… y’know. A-a vagina..”
Zoro rolled his eyes at the sudden prudish stutter. He’d rather him just be blunt and say it without trembling embarrassment.
Sure he fucking hates his anatomy, his chest more so than his genitalia, but both were still equally as hated regardless. Maybe he’d still rather a vagina over a penis as it looked easier to sit with. He’d always be too worried to sit on his balls or something. Plus he has the advantage of not suffering catastrophic damage if he were suddenly hit or kicked in the vicinity of where his balls would be. But he would lop off his tits given the chance. He’s always hated the damn things, Kuina was right to complain. Which is why, as soon he noticed them developing, he began to bind them down with medical tape and bandages. But was forced to stop after irreversibly damaging his health for roughly three years—apparently his method was wrong. He shouldn’t have been doing it so tightly nor should he have slept with the bandages on or worn them for that many hours. Or worked out wearing them either. Actually he really shouldn’t have been binding with bandages in the first place, but what else could he use?
Now he really couldn’t bind. It hurt too much to do so.
Except for the compression bra he came across in a shop one day and decided to try on, blowing all his food money on the article of clothing. But it was well worth the two days he went hungry. He felt like he could finally breathe with it on.
Everyday he thought about using Kuina’s sword, the Wado Ichimonji, to cut them off himself, to deal with the damage later as he relished in the relief, hell to the blood pooling around his feet, the pain wouldn’t ever amount to the mental turmoil he battled against on the daily. He battled with the desire until he rationally thought about it. He’d have to wait for the proper procedure. He just doesn’t have the money for it. Or a doctor willing to do it.
“I guess I will never get it. But I got the message at least. You’re a guy, loud and clear.” Sanji stood with a sigh, grabbing both plates to go toss into the human garbage disposal they call captain. “If you get hungry later I left the rest of the cake in the fridge. It’s in a container hidden in the bottom drawer underneath the vegetables. Only place I could really hide it away from you know who. See ya, mossy.”
Zoro grunted.
He waited a while to be sure the blond really was gone before he got up to trudge up to the crows nest, to take a mind numbing nap up there.