Work Text:
As Will and Nico stood chatting with Percy and Annabeth, Nico couldn't concentrate on the conversation. It wasn't because of his ADHD, like usual, but instead because, rather than having an arm draped over Nico's shoulder or around his waist, Will's hand was resting innocently on the small of Nico's back. It left a funny feeling. It felt uncomfortable.
Nico was forcing his brow not to furrow, struggling to keep the grimace off his face and fighting the urge to slap Will's hand off or jump away. He cursed himself for wanting to. It was just a hand. He'd been working really hard on being okay with people touching him and Will was who he was most comfortable with but he didn't like this and he couldn't understand why.
When Annabeth and Percy left, Will's hand pulled away and an intense feeling of relief settled over Nico. Will pecked his lips, mentioning something about a shift in the infirmary. Nico nodded, not listening properly, kissed Will again and waved goodbye before heading to the Aphrodite Cabin. If anyone knew something, it would be Piper.
He hesitated before knocking on the door. He wasn't sure if he was being ridiculous. Nico took a deep breath and knocked.
Piper opened the door, smiling widely when she saw Nico, and ushered him in. Nico sat awkwardly on her bed. The Cabin was pretty much empty but Nico still felt embarrassed being around them. He fixed his gaze on his lap, fidgeting with his hands. Piper lay a hand on his shoulder, sensing something was wrong.
"Alright, Nico?" she asked gently. Nico frowned and shook his head. Piper waited patiently for him to talk and the other Aphrodite kids left the Cabin to give them some privacy.
"I was with Will earlier," Nico began in a low voice, "and we were talking to Percy and Annabeth and his hand was here" - he touched the place - "and it felt wrong and I don't know why. I thought I was okay with touch now and it's Will. It shouldn't bother me."
Piper pursed her lips, sitting beside him and crossing her legs. She leant forward and met Nico's eyes, which were wide with confusion and fear.
"Maybe," Piper started carefully, "it was because it's a bit more intimate."
Nico blinked. "Is it intimate?"
The gears were turning in Piper's head as she said, "Well, think of it like this: I can touch your shoulder and it's fine, right? Now, tell me if this makes you uncomfortable."
She rested her hand lightly where Nico had put his and Nico shook his head rapidly and allowed himself to jump up. Piper hastily retracted her hand and smiled, sympathetic to Nico's dilemma. Nico's frown deepened.
"But why would it bother me?"
"Nico, have you ever head of the term asexual?"
Nico shook his head, sinking back onto the bed. Piper bit her lip.
"Well, it's a spectrum. Let's start with the term allosexual. That means you experience sexual attraction in the typical way. You see someone - anyone from friends to strangers to celebrities even to fictional characters - who you find sexually attractive and you want to have sex with them."
"No one thinks that," Nico objected, scrunching up his nose.
"They do. You give someone a picture of a random person they find sexually attractive and tell them that that person is in the next room and, given the opportunity, they'll bang them."
Nico's eyes widened. "And that's most people? You? Will? Percy? Annabeth? Jason?"
"That's the vast majority," Piper said. "I don't know personally but I'm allosexual and I think Will and Percy are. Annabeth and Jason aren't. Annabeth is something called demisexual. That means she doesn't find someone sexually attractive until she gets to know them. Once she's closer with them, then she feels the urge to have sex with them. Jason is greysexual. Greysexual people find very few people sexually attractive but (and it depends on the person as to how often) occasionally they find someone that they want to have sex with."
"Does he find you sexually attractive?" Nico asked.
Piper flushed. "Yes. There are other labels too like lithro, bellus, recipero, aego, cupio, orchid, auto, flux, fray. If you know you're on the spectrum but aren't sure where, you're quoisexual. There are romantic counterparts for all of them, which means the same thing but with romantic attraction. It depends on whether you feel sexual attraction and whether you feel the desire to act on it."
"What does sexual attraction feel like?"
Piper paused. "You get... hot and bothered. You really want to touch someone, particularly in sexual ways, and you might get sexual fantasies or get really flustered when you see parts of their body or they do something that could be sexual in a different context."
"That sounds horrible. I've never felt like that but I love Will and I like cuddling him and kissing him."
"If you don't experience sexual attraction, that means your asexual. You can still experience sensual attraction, which is cuddling and kissing and hand holding and that kind of thing, but you don't have a desire to have sex. Every asexual has a different comfort zone. Some people don't experience sexual attraction but still have sex with their partners because they want to be close to them, which is sex-favourable, or because their partner wants to have sex and they're comfortable with it although they don't mind either way, which is sex-indifferent. Sex-averse means you might still read smut or watch stuff that has sexual things in it but you yourself don't want sex and sexual touches are a big no. It's a bit more of a broader sweep. Apothisexual means just the idea of sex is horrendous to you. Talking about it repulses you and thinking about it is like thinking about having sex with a family member. It's just gross.
"All asexual people are different and have different boundaries. You don't always know it from the off so you have to figure it out as you go along."
Nico turned his head away, lost in thought. "But what if Will wants to do things I can't do?"
"You have to work it out yourselves." Piper shrugged. "Some allosexual people can't be with people who are asexual, some enter an open relationship so they can still be sexually satisfied and some are okay with the fact that they won't ever have sex. It depends on the person. Will's a good guy. All you can do is be honest and communicate."
Tears pricked Nico's eyes. He didn't want to be asexual. His mind was filled with thoughts of Will leaving him or him never being loved just because he couldn't be with someone like that. Piper sensed this and rubbed his shoulder.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with it. It's who you are. You should never feel like you have to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
Nico nodded. "How do I tell him?"
"Find a time to talk. He's coming to your cabin after he finishes work. Maybe try talk then."
Nico nodded again and then did something unexpected; he hugged Piper. She squeaked in surprise but hugged back.
"Thanks." Nico cleared his throat, pulling back.
"No problem."
-
"Hey, Neeks." Will grinned as he entered the Hades Cabin, shutting and locking the door behind him so that Leo didn't burst in again to take more photos for the Solangelo Fan Club.
"Hey," Nico responded before crashing his mouth into Will's. Will stumbled back in shock but kissed back with the same energy. Nico jumped up so that his legs were around Will's waist and his hands were buried in Will's hair with Will's arms supporting his back.
Nico loved this. He loved the softness of Will's curls, the closeness of their bodies, their lips and their tongues touching, feeling Will's heart hammering against his chest. This time he was trying to go faster. Usually, their kisses would be languid, long and slow as they took their time to taste each other and try show how much they loved each other through tender nature. It started off like that but Nico tried to quicken the pace, to make it more desperate and messy.
To a certain extent, he enjoyed it. He liked the fierceness, the kisses on his neck that were normally delicate but were now harder and longer. For a while, he liked the sounds Will was making. During kisses, they were quieter and resembled more of a purr than a growl. However, now they were getting more aroused and, as Will's hands slid slightly lower to keep Nico up, the odd, unpleasant feeling started to come back.
Nico tried to enjoy it but eventually it got too much and he carefully pushed Will off. Will's eyes were worried, lips puffy and hair messed up. Nico ran a hand through the boy's curls, dropping down to the ground. Both were panting.
"You okay?" Will questioned with so much loving concern in his voice that Nico felt like crying.
"I'm good. Just a bit much." Nico wasn't exactly lying. He gestured for Will to sit on the bed as he dropped onto it. Will did, hesitantly taking Nico's hand and looking at him encouragingly. He could always tell when something was wrong.
Nico took a deep breath. "I was talking to Piper. You know I love you, right? I love your laugh, your smile, your eyes. I love how caring you are, how determined, how stubborn. I love your hugs, your hand in mine, your kisses. I love it. I love you."
Will nodded, clearly anxious.
"But there are some ways of showing it that I don't think I can do. It's really not you. I just... I don't know how much I can do. Piper thinks that the word I'm looking for is... asexual. I think I'm asexual. I understand if you want to break up and I-"
"Oh gods no!" Will interrupted with a smile. "No, you're stuck with me, sunshine, and you being asexual is not an issue. I love you for far more than your body. We can take it at whatever pace and stop at whatever point. How and where you're touched is up to you."
A tear rolled down Nico's cheek and he quickly wiped it away, smiling. He flung himself at Will, enveloping him in a hug. He pulled back with a nervous laugh.
"I think I'm okay with anything above a certain place," he said hesitantly. "We've kissed with shirts off and I liked that. It's more anything lower than here" - he drew a line across his belly button - "I'm not great with."
"Okay. Was it not good a minute ago?"
"It was until the last bit then it got a bit more..." Nico shrugged, trailing off.
"Okay. We stop whenever you say stop. You're in charge and I promise I'll back off every time, no matter what. You can trust me. I love you."
Nico sniffed and hugged Will again. "I love you too."