Chapter Text
“Well… Fork.”
At least the planet that fucking Cavern of Corrosion was spitting me out onto to die was pretty. The Voidranger had kicked my metal ass through it at the first opportunity. Now, I was staring up at the open sky where the cavern rift had been. The altimeter in my brain counted down far too quickly for my…
X:\CYBRNETICSYSTM \BOOTUP
X:\ RUNSTARTUP\BTHLL.os
Startup successful
Running Diagnostics
All Major Systems functional at minimum levels
Biolink: 100%
CVpump: 100%
CVsystems: 80% - leak in Bilateral Femoral regions, leak in Bilateral Brachial Regions
Cooling Systems: 90% - potential clog
‘No shit. I’m on my back, slammed into the ground. If they aren’t clogged with rocks and shit it’d be a fucking miracle.’
Structural system: 75% - 4 spinal bodies damaged, Thoracic chassis integrity 50% reduced, Left Clavicular Strut Damaged
Main Processing Unit: Intact, 95% functional in safe mode
‘Good to know my brain is still all inside my head…’
Somatic Sensor Array: 100%
Tactile Input Sensor Array: 100%
Olfactory Input Array: 100%
‘I agree, I hurt EVERYWHERE and can smell my synthetic blood leaking outta my arms.’
Proprioceptive Sensor Array: 90% - May effect accuracy and efficiency of movement.
‘My WHAT? Oh for Fuck sake, you mean my aim is fucked… motherfucker. How the fuck am I gonna fix this bullshit?’
Auditory Input Array: Rebooting
My ears began ringing, loudly. ‘Sonofabitch!’
Ocular Input Array: Rebooting
‘Finally.’ I blinked, the shutters in my eyes dilated and contracted as they attempted to focus. Slowly above me I could make out two faces. One a young blond fella and the other… was small and wouldn’t fuckin’ hold still.
“Do you think they can hear Paimon? He seems to be staring at me…”
“I don’t know, but I think he might be coming ‘round.” The young fella spoke meanin’ the high voice was the floaty thing…
Auditory Input Array:100%
Ocular Input Array: 100%
Motor Neural Array: 80% - Systemic damage to posterior units, system operable
Vocal Array: 100%
‘Good. That would be a bitch to live without.’
I slowly groan, the first audible noise I’ve made in some time. I can feel my cooling fans trying to spin and dislodge the shit packed into them. “Mother- Ffffff” My voice distorts and crackles.
Synestia Beacon: 89%. Vocabulary Censored.
‘Sonofabitch motherfucking horseshit!!’
“Muddle-fudger.” I finally groaned, pushing myself up to a sitting position, holding my head. Yup, those somatic sensors are definitely fucking working. I have a bitch of a headache.
All systems active. Damage report: Moderate damage due to a fall from a height of: 400m
For your safety; Please refrain from risky activities at great heights.
‘Again, no shit.’ I shake my head, tryin’ to clear the cobwebs. The squeaky thing speaks again.
“Muddle-fudger?” she pauses then, “Hey Mister. Are you okay?”
“Do I look Forkin’ okay to you?” I growl, taking another shuttering breath. The fans slowly kick out the shit packed into them, my ears stop ringing and I look up at the strangers. The floaty thing had dipped behind the blond. “Sorry. My fudgin’ head is pounding.”
“Oh. Paimon just noticed you’re bleeding and… what are you doing?”
As the Floaty girl spoke I had shoved my hand into my chest cavity to try and bend my Clavicular Strut back into shape. “Fixin’ a forked strut.” I groaned as the metal shifted back into place. “There. I fudgin’ hope that sonofa nice lady stays in place till I can get it welded. Nd maybe find someone who can fix my thoracic chassis.” I put my hand on the back of my leg and notice how bad the leaking actually is. “Eighty percent my biscuits. Stranger, you got any bandages by chance?”
The blond fella knelt down next to me and pulled some out. “Here. Can I give you a hand, uhh…”
“Boothill. Name’s Boothill. And you are?”
“My name is Aether, though lots of people also call me The Traveler.”
“And Paimon is Paimon!”
“And my emergency food supply.” Aether chuckled.
“Paimon is not FOOD!”
I grin at Paimon showing off my sharpened teeth. She squeals and dives behind Aether, who also looks a bit startled. I laugh after a moment when she pokes her tiny head back over his shoulder. “I won’t eat ya. Ya probably taste weird. Ain’t ever eaten anything that floats in the air.”
Paimon glared at him skeptically. “I don’t know…”
“Honest. On my honor I won’t eat you. A cowboy’s only ever as good as his word. Besides, you shouldn’t go bitin’ the people helpin’ ya, Paimon. Tends to make folk a lot less friendly.” I smile at her, trying to not to spook her again.
“Well, you better not.” Paimon said indignantly. “Or you won’t like it.”
Aether handed me a bandage as he bound my left leg. I started on the right one. He looked questioningly at his hands as he tightened the bandage. “Your blood is… strange.”
I nodded. “Yeah. It’s… synthetic. I don’t really have the same systems as everyone else does. And I ain’t even the weirdest muddle-fudger out there.” I watch him for a moment. “Thanks, by the way. I might not be the best spoken forker, but, you’re both being mighty friendly to a stranger who you don’t know from an Aeon.”
“That’s just what we do!” Paimon chirped brightly.
Aether laughed. “We do just tend to help anyone who seems to need it. Generally, it results in us finding new friends wherever we go.”
“Speakin’ of goin’. Where in the Samhill am I?”
Aether looked confused for a moment before the thoughts clicked together. “You fell from that strange portal.”
“Yeah. How the fork do you think I ended up in this fudging crater?” I looked at him as he started binding my right arm. The bandage on my left one would need to be tightened when he finished.
“Well, how would we know that was you? We were just coming over that ridge when we saw you falling.” Paimon stated. Aether gave an agreeing grunt.
“Fair enough. I’m just tryin’ to get my bearings so I can figure out how I’m getting’ back to Penacony.” Aether tightens the last bandage for me and I push myself outta the dirt. Still no grave for ole Boothill yet. “I still have work to do there.”
My two… rescuers, looked at each other. Paimon spoke.
“We don’t know were that is. And we’ve been all over Teyvat.”
Aboard the One and Only
Argenti, Knight of Beauty, lay in his bunk, fitfully asleep. Red hair fanned out across the pillows, enough, always, for two. He never knew when his path and that of his beloved Ranger would chance to cross and he never liked making either of them pay for lodgings.
It had been a week since he had rounded a corner, fighting Voidrangers, and he heard the most distinct voice he knew. The number of times he had heard those exact words spoken with a smirk before he had been brought to utter bliss amongst these sheets was uncountable by either Idrila's or Lan’s blessings. However, when he saw no Galaxy Ranger and a Cavern of Corrosion gate close he felt his stomach drop. For a moment, he was sure his beloved’s Lan had blessed him as he tore the Voidranger asunder with his spear. Though, he knew not if the creature had sent his beloved through that portal. There was always a chance the slippery Galaxy Ranger had managed an escape. But then, why hadn’t he…