Chapter Text
Chan’s parents arrived as soon as they could. Gon is with them too. He almost broke all the traffic rules when Seuncheol called and told them Chan lost his memories. When he got the update while driving, he really had the urge to press the pedal to its limit. They are scared, dumbfounded and want to know the details more.
The manager is waiting for them outside. The manager raises his hand and the three of them walk fast towards him.
“Manager-nim what happened?” The father asks while walking together.
“I don’t know. We left him sleeping alone while filming our content. When he woke up, he didn't recognize us and he said he’s 6 years old to the doctor" The manager summarized as he guided them to Chan’s room.
Chan is staring blankly on the ceiling. Not moving. Listless. Jeonghan is sitting by his side and doesn't know what to do.
Once Chan woke up from his sleep, he became different. Tight lipped and eyes full of sorrow.
He didn’t respond to anything. Jeonghan tried to feed him and make him drink some water but he refused by biting his lips to the point of bleeding. This makes Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Hoshi and the manager afraid to push him.
Jeonghan feels like their first encounter with this version of Chan was a fluke. Hoshi too. The trust they built a few hours ago, crumbled instantly just like that. Now, Chan looks at them like a stranger he has never met before.
Hoshi couldn’t handle it, dismissed himself to cry somewhere, away from Chan’s room. He needs to collect himself. Part of him feels grateful that he’s the first person to find Chan and be by his side right now. Some parts of him feel miserable that he had to witness everything,... but this is better, he can know everything, unlike the rest of the members that are still living in the dark.
Seungcheol stands by Jeonghan side. Both become each other's anchor. They want to cry, they want to scream, they want to punch and destroy things but more importantly they want an answer and no one can give them that.
The last words coming out from his mouth towards Jeonghan was, “Seongsaeng-nim (Sir), may I go to the toilet to pee?” Too polite, too formal and too estranged.
Jeonghan title had been lowered to a stranger. It crushed their hearts.
The moment the door opens, Chan can see his parents came in. He immediately jumps from his bed. He wants to run to his parents. However, he falls to the floor and tries crawling desperately with his eyes blurry with tears. Jeonghan and Seungcheol froze, their hearts skipped fast. Their maknae chose to crawl instead of running.
Chan’s mother instinctively runs towards his son. Kneeling, sobbing, wiping away Chan’s tears, hugging him, soothing him, “Oh my baby, what happened to you. Eomma is here, eomma is here now”. Her son is bigger than her but she tries her best hugging him whole.
“Eomma..eomma…Big Guy… Big Guy… hurt.. hurt.. eomma.. eomma..” He cries profusely.
The mention of the “Big Guy”, makes Chan’s parents tremble with fear. Chan’s father’s leg became weak at the mention of that name. He too fell to the floor.
“Appa!” Gon screamed. a little panic.
The mother hugged even tighter, “Channie..you’re safe, you’re safe here… Big Guy is not here…He’s gone.. he can’t hurt you anymore.. eomma promised that..”
The father, ignoring his second son, runs towards his eldest son once he finds his bearing. Gon feels confused, and can only stare at the three of them.
The father kneels beside Chan and hugs both of them. The mother releases Chan and lets the father hug him. The father with tears in his eyes hugging his first son tightly. “Channie… how’s your leg?.. Can you walk?”
Chan shakes his head, “Appaa.. hurt.. hurt..hurt”.
The father soothes him, “It’s okay honey.. appa is here now.. appa is here now.. for you.. I’m so sorry.. I’m so sorry.. appa is here now.. appa promise..” He says it nonstop, calming his son down.
Gon approaches them, kneeling by his mother's side, “Eomma, what’s going on?”
His mother instinctively grabs Gon into a tight hug, “Oh.. my son.. my son.. my baby Gon.. you’re safe.. you’re safe..” The mother repeatedly says making Gon confused but he needs to calm his mother, “Yes eomma, I’m here.. I’m here..”
The four of them were in that position for almost one hour. They were in that position until Chan began to drift in his father's hold. “App..paa.. don’t.. go… don’t go..” Chan is trying to hold his father and trying to fight his drowsiness, afraid once he closes his eyes, his father will be gone.
The father hugs him tighter, “Appa not going anywhere, Channie. Let’s sleep together on the bed, okay” he says and tries to lift Chan up. Seungcheol and Jeonghan helping Chan’s father. Seungcheol supported Chan’s father’s back while Jeonghan supported Chan’s father’s arm. And then carefully lay Chan on the bed together with his father.
The father looks at the mother and Gon that is already standing, “Wife, can you help with the doctor?” He says with a sadness in his voice.
“Sure, Husband. Just focus on our son. He needs you” the mother says reassuringly. She needs to stay calm and be strong for her family.
The nurse had informed the in-charge doctor of the arrival of Chan’s parents. However, seeing them like that, the doctor decides to give them space and observe their interaction. Based on the parents reaction, it means that this Big Guy exists, a real person and had harmed the patient.
The doctor approaches the mother, “Ma’am, I’m Dr. Nam In Seok, I’m in charge of your son and this is Nurse Rae Na, my assistant. May we have a conversation now or you need more time?” The doctor politely asks.
Gon, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Hoshi and Ji Hun are on the mother's side. Gon put his arm on his mother's shoulder as a way to support her emotionally.
“It’s okay. We can talk now” The mother says with a hoarse voice.
“Please follow me to the waiting room” The nurse guides them.
~~~~~~~
-In The Waiting Room-
“Ma’am, please tell me who this Big Guy is? Was he abusive towards Lee Chan-shi when he was 6 years old?”
The mother starts sobbing, nodding his head. Seventeen hyungs jaws clenched, and Gon is surprised with this news.
“He.. he.. he was Chan’s kidnapper” The mother exposes the truth. She looks at Gon, “You.. you didn’t get caught… because your hyung hid you… your hyung saved you, Gon.. but your.. hyung…” the mother unable to continue.
The nurse hands the mother a few piece of tissue
“Please.. give me a moment..” The mother took a deep breath before continuing. The rest are bracing their hearts with this exposed secret.
“Channie.., my son.. he got kidnapped for 5 months… when the police found him,” the mother paused, her hands clenched on her thigh, eyes teary, tremblingly says, “his leg is being shackled with 5kg iron ball on each side”
Everyone gasps as if their lungs lose oxygen. It’s hard for them to breathe. Jeonghan almost passed out. Hoshi feels nauseous, he wants to vomit. Seungcheol is biting the inside of his mouth, trying to calm his rage that is about to explode. And Gon, he feels betrayed.
“Eomma.. how could you.. how could you hide it from me? Why.. you never tell us?” Gon couldn’t hide his disbelief.
“No.. Gon.. No.. we didn’t mean to hide it.. you.. you were little… you don’t remember… your hyung.. too.. he doesn’t remember it… that’s why we never tell.. eomma appa.. we’re hoping both of you to grow up well and never remember it” The mother hurriedly explains. She knows her son is hurting.
Then she looks at the doctor, “..but doctor.., why?.. Why now?.. why does he remember it now? He’s supposed not to remember it. Everything's been going great for both of my sons! ” The mother is pleading for an answer.
The doctor, still calm, asks, “Does this kidnapper live in a mansion?”
The mother was surprised, “Yes, how did you know that?”
“Your son told him” pointing at Jeonghan, “when he still able to talk”
The doctor then asks another question, “ This Big Guy, the kidnapper.. also kidnapped other children?”
The mother looks down and nods, hesitantly says, “He.. he was the longest survivor. The.. child-kidnapping case.. the one in 2005.. the one with no ransom but murdered.. that.. that case”
The manager, Seungcheol and Jeonghan immediately knows which case Chan’s mother referred to. Their memories are hazy but they knew it happened before. At that time, everyone in South Korea was living in fear. The curfew, how their parents became strict, never allowed them to go out without adult supervision and never allowed them to be nice to a stranger.
“After the rescue, did he receive any therapy?”
“..yes.. the government sponsored.. for every rescued child.. but.. it didn’t work on my son… he.. not responding to anything.. just staying still, not moving during his session..” The mother smiled sadly, she still remembered how his energetic child became listless to everything. The rest listen, don't want to miss any single details.
“..how did he get better then?”
“My husband.. he used to take our son to his dance academy.. even before it happened.. so he did just that.. It starts small.” The mother started smiling, remembering, “At first, he just watched.. others dancing.. his legs.. became weak after that.. but he likes dancing.. on second week.. he stands up.. trying to copy their moves.. my husband and his friends.. cheering him up.. gradually, he starts smiling again and talking.. but he doesn't remember anything about the kidnapping”
The mother frowns, her tone changes to bitter, “The doctor said it’s better to leave it that way. He is still a child, possibly will never remember it his entire life.But.. I guess.. that doctor was wrong”
The doctor and the nurse calmly listen, being professional.
The doctor looks at the manager and Seventeen members, “Ji Hun- shi, please describe this haunted mansion filming. What’s inside it?”
“Normal haunted house… with you know scared-jump here and there from the staff. It also has spooky background noise”
“Did any of you notice something unusual about Lee Chan-shi while on set?”
“He.. always scared if it's a horror theme.. so I thought it was something normal. We were supposed to enter one by one but he got so scared that we let him go with one of our members” Seungcheol explained.
“Is Lee Chan-shi afraid of heights?”
“No.”
“Is he scared of the dark where there is no light at night?”
“.. I think no.., He finds strolling at night calming” Hoshi answer
“Earlier you said he’s afraid of horror themes when filming. Is the filming set always in the building?”
“Yes”
“If it’s a game of hide and seek in the building without a horror theme at night, will he still be scared?”
“I think.. yes.. but manageable. He is easily scared of small things” Jeonghan thought.
“Ma’am, I know it’s hard for you, but can you remember his habit after being rescued?”
“Habit like what?”
“Earlier, it seemed like he needed permission before talking. Like I need to clearly state that he allowed to talk, answering my questions and I won’t hurt him as long as him being honest answering my questions”
“.. yes.. he became obedient.. it’s hard to explain.. he follows rules to a tee.. doesn’t talk, doesn’t make noise.. he can sit upright for a long time, won’t look at me unless I call his full name.. he even ask our permission in details to do everything…he..he was more like a programmed robot than my son.”
“Can you explain more about asking permission in detail?”
The mother biting her lower lips, thinking, remembering the one that stood out the most, “ when he wants to go to the toilet.. There was this one moment when he said he wanted to pee, I waited for him outside” the mother stopped for a moment, finding the right words to describe the latter, “he.. then asked.. I still remembered his words.. eomma, you’re outside? Can I poop too and use water to wash?..
there’s a lot of moment like that.. we had to teach him boundaries and not everything need a detailed permission”
“You need to teach your son boundaries?" The nurse asks
The mother looks at his youngest son and everyone nearby, then faces the doctor and the nurse, her eyes showing she’s scared, tremblingly says, “He.. he.. just a kid.. he.. he doesn’t realize he’s been groomed.. not.. not in a sexual way.. more.. more like he doesn’t know boundaries.. he doesn’t know how to express that he’s in pain, or ask for help..
We had to put his things like cups on the floor so he could reach it, otherwise he would climb the cabinet and fall.. even when he fell.. he kept his silence and tried to fix and clean the mess without us.
Because of that, he only moves when necessary.. he doesn’t want to make a mess. He is afraid of it..
He accepts everything.. the pain., the discomfort.. he finds his own way to survive.. We had to teach him to speak up, tell us everything and anything.. that it is safe for him to share because sometimes he doesn’t realize things that he did by himself are dangerous and we need to know..
We tried the best we could.. but we know some of his habit is due to trauma especially his perfectionist side.. and his concentration.. he only listens to things and do things that guarantee his survival.. and.. and he doesn’t engage much in things like sports and games.. the confrontation scared him.. he.. sometimes doesn’t understand other people feelings and doesn’t realise when he hurt others..
..and.. and the way he ignores things.., his numbness.. the doctor said maybe that’s the reason he survived.. because he doesn’t think.. he.. he.. selfish in his own way.. and that’s why he survived unlike other kids that.. that.. was found.. within 2 weeks after the kidnap..”
The mother talking non-stop as if letting out what has been bottled inside her. There’s a lot she wants to say about her eldest son. She can’t believe this is happening after all the hard work they put in to make Chan “normal” again in the eyes of people.
“..please doctor, nurse.. do something.. I don’t want my son to live in nightmares.. why.. oh god.. please give him a break!.. please doctor.. I’ll do anything.. as long as he’s healthy and happy, I’m fine with anything” The mother begs the doctor and the nurse to heal her son.
Gon hugs his mother tightly. Jeonghan by her side also hugs her.
The nurse and the doctor listen calmly. They understand she and everyone need time and space to calm down.
“Ma’am, we will try our best. Please excuse us for a moment. Take your time. We will get back to you as soon as possible” The doctor and the nurse excuse themselves.
Gon hugs his mother. He makes a mental note to search about this kidnapping incident. Now he understands why his parents are such highly involved parents. They want to know his whereabouts, checking on him twice a day and want him to share details about his life without making him uncomfortable. He always amaze at his parents' consistency yet never once he feels confined. Instead, it makes him feel trusted and independent.
The mother looks at Gon, “Gon, eomma sorry for keeping it a secret. It’s the only way we knew to protect both of you. Eomma feels so sorry” The mother repeatedly apologizes.
“No, eomma. I’m so sorry for raising my voice. You guys are great parents to me, to hyung. I’m so sorry” Gon apologized.
“You know Gon, when your hyung is missing, you become afraid to go out of the house. Just seeing the door scared you. We had to wait until you slept to bring you out of the house. When your hyung got rescued and started going out for therapy, you started willingly going out again… and at one point, just like your hyung, you too don’t remember. You might not realize this, but you listen to your hyung more than you listen to us” The mother says while stroking her son's face.
The mother looks at the manager and Seungcheol and wants an explanation. What had happened before. Jeonghan and Hoshi explain all over again. The script coming out from their mouth, Seungcheol mouth and the manager's mouth somehow become repetitive to their own ears like a memorized script.
The doctor and the nurse come back, “Ma’am, do you prefer we explain here or in the room with your husband?”
“I prefer it with my husband. I.. I don’t know how to explain it later to him”
They all go to Chan’s room. Chan is sleeping while the father sits beside the bed. The father stands up, “Doctor, you know what happened to my son?”
The doctor nods, “What Lee Chan-shi experiencing now is called as dissociative repression”
“Dissociative what?” The father ask as he didn’t catch the words.
“Dissociative repression. Lee Chan-shi is showing signs of dissociative repression. It happens when a certain traumatic experience is too overwhelming at that time and the brain simply cuts it off and buries it deep down into his subconsciousness” The nurse explain.
The doctor then continues, “..Normally, these memories stay out of awareness. However, a certain trigger can cause the memories to resurface. These buried memories are always present though he might never remember them. It helps him function as a normal human. But the memories actually never leave him. It got sealed..
..Somehow, the filming set was able to trigger him” The doctor explains.
“Then.. then.. How, doctor? How do we treat him? I.. I.. don’t want my son to stay like this.. I.. will.. will he go back to his normal self.. no.. I.. mean.. please do anything.. I want my son to be happy again, "the father pleaded.
“We will hospitalize him and start therapy. From our conversation earlier, it looks like Lee Chan-shi never processed this trauma. It embedded within him somewhere. As she mentioned, you brought your son to your dance academy, we might incorporate that.” The doctor looks at the manager, “Ji Hun-shi, we will schedule his visitation to the company during Seventeen practice session but everyone needs to remember the patient loses his memories, so please refrain from being too friendly.”
Everyone nods, understanding the situation.