Work Text:
The sun was high in the sky as Port Mafia Executive, Chuuya Nakahara walked in the door. Things had been peaceful at the Agency and the truce between them and the Port Mafia stayed to the point of having a friendly relationship, therefore it was rather common for one member to go to the other’s head quarters to help out.
”Hey agency fuckers” Chuuya greets them with a slight wave before heading over to the spot he had worked at before. Chuuya doesn’t really bother with a more polite attitude as he doesn’t think it really matters anymore. He is currently working with Kenji and the shitty Dazai on some random case.
The rest of the Agency greets him with smiles and small hi’s, clearly used to his personality, not bothered by it because at least he does his work and he’s kind (even if he may not seem it)
”CHUUUYAAA!!” Dazai exclaims and runs out of his seat to greet his partner, though much to Dazai’s dismay, Chuuya quickly pushes the brunette off of him.
“Get off of me, asshole.”
”Mean.” Dazai scoffs. Chuuya wants to chuckle like usually might if they were at home, but they’re not, they’re in public and need to keep up this antic of being disgusted and hating each other. Don’t get Chuuya wrong, he totally hates that piece of shit but it’s tiring to be annoyed all the time.
He and Dazai walk over to their table and try to work with Kenji so they can finish this case.
Keyword: Try
***
About one hour passed of peacefulness (well as much as you can get when dazai is around) passed before the Mackerel was done being good.
”Hey, shithead, can you hand me that paper?” Something Chuuya has decided makes a good cover up of the their relationship is calling him names and never Dazai or Osamu, (don’t get him wrong, he still loves insulting his partner) mostly because he would likely fuck up and call his husband “Osamu” on accident. He has suggested multiple times for his partner to just let his coworkers just call him by his first name like Chuuya does since everyone there were practically his friends anyway, however he had declined because he “wanted Osamu to just be an us thing.” which made Chuuya’s heart skip a beat every time he thought about it. He agreed, partly because of how cute he thought it was, and partly because besides their insults, it was the only thing Chuuya called him. Once in a while he would call his husband “love” in very intimate moments, but anything else seemed to sappy and not their style. Alongside chibi and slug. He rolls his eyes at the thought.
”Of course!!” Speak of the devil. Dazai starts handing them over when he suddenly stops and brings a hand up to his chin. “Actually, why should I?”
Chuuya internally sighed. He really did not want to play this game right now.
”Just give me the fucking paper damn it!” Chuuya aggressively reached his hand out for the other to give to him.
”Chuuya! How could you! There are children present!!” Dazai gestures towards kenji, who was falling asleep at this point. “Cursing in front of them is very bad” he shakes his head and clicks his tounge. “if you keep cursing, you won’t grow anymore!”
The rest of the agency were now looking over to see what the commotion was. They honestly should have expected it. Why the fuck did they even pair the two together?
”Nakahara,” A man with yellowish hair speaks up. Kunikida was his name if Chuuya remembered correctly. “As much as your reaction is understandable considering of the situation..” he glares at dazai and back to Chuuya. “Please refrain from cursing while there are kids here.”
“Kyouka was in the mafia and Kenji and that jinko kid have killed people, I don’t think that’s your biggest problem.” Chuuya pointed to the other two.
”Um- actually, I’m not a ki-“ Atsushi tries to speak up but is drowned out by Dazai’s complaining again. Kyouka, who was working with Atsushi just pats him on the back.
”Chuuyaaaaaaa!! Now you brought Kunikida into this, bad doggie!” He sticks out his tongue at the older.
“I’M NOT YOUR DAM-DANG DOG, IDOT. IM GONNA KILL YOU.” Chuuya lunges across the table but before he can reach Dazai, Kunikida stops him. At the same moment, Kenji jerks his head up from where he had been sleeping.
“Nakahara, we do not indulge in violence here.” Chuuya felt like a kid being scolded. Dazai looked at him from across the table and giggled, he giggled. Oh he was gonna get him.
”Dazai please give Nakahara the paper he needs.”
”No” he makes a hmph sound at turns away from the two of them.
“Osamu, give me the damn paper or I swear to god-“
“You swear to yourself? How does that even work chibi?”
Normally, Dazai would not joke about such things but he was getting much to into their charade.
”Osamu-“
At the sound of his given name twice, he swiftly handed the paper over.
At that moment the entire agency had the exact same thought.
Osamu?
They had never heard anyone call him that before.
Chuuya stopped his sentence when he realized the silence in the room.
oh shit
He had fucked up.
”What did you call him..?” Chuuya can’t tell who asked the question, he was only thinking about how to answer it.
”Wowwww, great job chuu~ya! All that work for nothing” Dazai pouted in a small whisper.
”Did you just call him Osamu?” This time he could tell who had asked. He glanced at Atsushi who was curiously looking at the duo.
”…”
”Yeah” he grumbled and gave his husband a Don’t be crying when they ask us questions, Vagabond, it’s your fault anyways look
”..and why did you call him that? I thought Dazai didn’t allow anyone to call him that?”
“To make the dumbass listen, obviously. And it worked if you couldn’t tell”
Atsushi still stared at the two, clearly wanting an answer to his second question, or statement, he couldn’t tell.
After a long moment of awkward silence Dazai finally sat up straight and broke the silence.
“The reason Slug called me that is because he’s special!!”
“..huh? What do you mean?” Junichiro joined in from his corner.
”Special in the head.” Dazai giggled behind his hand.
“Please shut the fuck up.”
”God, you all are so stupid” Ranpo sighed as he took his Lolipop out of his mouth.
”Oh Ranpo, what we do without you” Dazai lets out a dramatic praise before standing up in his seat.
”This darling shortie here,” he gestures to Chuuya. “Is my beloved dog and husband for life!”
”Oi! I told you to stop calling me that already!”
The two continue their bickering while the whole agency stops moving in shock.
“YOU’RE MARRIED?!” Yosano marches up to Dazai. “AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME??”
”Well..I mean-“ The man in question scratches behind his head.
”Wait your gay?” Tanizaki glances at Dazai who just gives a shrug. How can you not know, Chuuya thinks, left very confused.
”Oh I thought that was kinda obvious.” Yosano looks back at Tanizaki.
“Yosanoooo” Dazai whines.
”You guys are paying attention to that while none of you are questioning the fact that he’s married to a Port Mafia executive?!”
”Yeah, I thought you guys hated each other-?” Atsushi finally joins in on the questioning.
”we do” they both said simultaneously.
Well now everybody was just confused.
“…So why would you get married?”
”I don’t know” Chuuya shrugs. “I can’t really remember. But this bastard probably wanted me to pay his bills or something benefiting him, I’m not sure if I even got anything out it…why the fuck did I agree”
Now obviously these reasons probably did contribute to the final decision of getting married, but was definitely not the reason. However, you would not catch Chuuya saying that.
“Ugh, that’s so rude Chuuya.” Dazai grumbles across from him.
”When did you get married then?” Kyouka piped in.
”16.” They said, once again, in unison.
“THATS NOT EVEN LEGAL??!” Kunikida shouts.
”Woahhh, really?” Dazai drags out. “Was being in the Mafia also not legal?!? Oh no, what am I going to do!!”
At that, Chuuya lets out the smallest of smirks.
”DAZAI.” Kunikida lunges at Dazai.
Chuuya turns away from the two. He jumps in surprise when he sees Kyouka right in front of him. An interesting girl she is.
”Chuuya?”
”Hm?” Chuuya didn’t know the girl as much as he’d of liked to while she was still working with the Port Mafia, but he occasionally had tea with Kouyou and him, and knew she meant a great deal to her.
”Are you happy with Dazai?”
”mmm” Chuuya pretends to ponder for a second and brings his hand up to his chin. “I suppose so, yes.” he chuckles and smiles at the girl, to which the girl gives a small one back.
The faint sound of Dazai being strangled was heard on and off throughout the rest of the day while Chuuya was pestered with questions about their relationship.
It wasn’t how he expected his day to be. But Chuuya wasn’t bothered.