Work Text:
Lisa has been in love with Yukina since forever.
She loves everything about her. The way her golden eyes light up with passion whenever music is on her mind. The way her pretty eyebrows furrow in confusion when Lisa tries to explain some math formula. The way Yukina smiles at cats and small animals and how such precious curve of her lips sends Lisa’s heart into somersaults every single time, without fail.
The way small hands grabbed onto her own, tentative but sure, when they ran around together in the playground. Yukina’s dad was always there with them, light laughter and reserved smiles. Patient amusement, when Yukina would trip and Lisa would freak out at the tiniest of scratches.
He taught her how to wrap the band-aids around Yukina’s wounds, and taught Yukina how not to blame the ground for her fall. Thinking back, Lisa wonders how much those instances had influenced their personality now, growing up. Yukina still trips and falls sometimes, on her path to pursuing music. But Lisa is always by her side, back then and even now. That is how she fits in Yukina’s life.
She has been in love with her since forever, since before she even knew what love was.
There had always been that connection, that need to be by Yukina’s side. That fascination with everything about the silver-haired girl. That longing, for every moment they spent together to last just a bit longer. That apprehension, every time Yukina is not in her line of sight. That sense of calmness, when Yukina looks at her and Lisa can see her own reflection in those golden eyes, transparent and solid.
All those feelings came so naturally for her, somewhere along the way. Gradually, and concretely. Lisa did not think too much about them, because what belongs in the heart should not reside in the brain anyway. She didn’t feel that way with anyone around her, never before and not now. Lisa knew those unnamed feelings were special, and reserved solely for Yukina.
It was not a particularly eventful day, the day that realization came. A completely normal day as usual.
A summer day. Yukina was in front of her, back straight and shoulders stiff, Lisa would like to smooth out the tenseness there. The sun hit her hair just so, painting a halo in its wake, bright and strong and steady. Those sunbeams lodged tightly inside her chest, and oh how that longing finally made sense now. Why Lisa always feel so empty whenever Yukina is not close to her.
The realization did not terrify her, nor did it soothe. It did nothing special, really, except chasing away the fog covering her heart now, letting it sing and soar with happiness. Everything fell into place, with just the tiniest of click, and Lisa let out a small chuckle, pleased and unsurprised.
Of course she is in love with Yukina. How can she not be?
Yukina stopped and turned around to look at her, a question in those golden eyes at the sudden chuckle. And Lisa’s heart swelled and swelled and swelled, and she knew she was head over heels for this girl, with passion in her eyes and music in her blood.
She almost blurted it out, right on the spot, because back then Lisa had not been good with concealing her feelings yet. With keeping a hold on them so they would not be a bother to other people. But there was no need to say it out loud, really, because it was not anything special, this ardent feeling Lisa had harbored in the deepest corner of her heart since forever.
She knew how she felt, and that was enough, for the longest of time.
Days turned into months and months turned into years. She thinks she knows how Yukina feels now, too. It is alright that Yukina would never say it out loud, because she knows Yukina is not that kind of person. Affectionate words are not the silver-haired girl’s strong suit.
And so Lisa takes comfort in her songs, the lyrics, the words. The hidden meanings. The brunette has become proficient at reading between the lines now, at discerning her love’s every single action and tendency. At detecting her affection, where it lies hidden between cold, expressionless, callous words.
She had been in love with Yukina when she was younger, bright and happy and stumbling around in the playground. She is still in love with Yukina now, older and detached and not the best at expressing emotions. Maybe she is just in love with Yukina in every shape and form. In every life, and with every beat of her heart.
---------------------------
Yukina’s hands are always cold.
It is not noticeable during summer months, when the outside temperature masks the coldness that resides on her skin. But when winter approaches, and her hands would be freezing along with the first snowfall of the season. Lisa worries endlessly, at seeing those pretty hands get so cold they turn purple sometimes, but Yukina always claims she does not care that much.
Her main instrument is her vocal cords, and so a scarf is already enough, Yukina reasons. Lisa is appalled at the conviction in her voice, because what in the world kind of reason is that? When she reminds Yukina that she does play the guitar during her composing sometimes, the silver-haired would shrug and say she has Sayo to consult now, so the guitar at her house is simply left to collect dust in the corner.
Yukina is stubborn, and uncaring about herself. She is so low maintenance Lisa would like to smack her on that pretty, pretty head. But the bassist is not such a violent person, and so she knits. Scarves, and gloves. She even uses her best puppy eyes to convince Yukina to try them out.
Yukina agrees, and the gloves become a regular occurrence in their lives from that point. Some days Yukina still forgets them, the cold and the purple hands do not really worry her too much. But most times the vocalist will wear them, and Lisa knows it is because of her, she knows it is a choice Yukina makes in the morning because Lisa would worry for her sake. And the knowledge makes her fall in love even more.
On the days Yukina forgets her gloves, Lisa would simply sigh and take her hands into her warmer ones. It is a recent development, this freedom to touch the vocalist whenever she wants, something she had yearned for so long in the past.
By the way those golden eyes sparkle amidst the snowy world around them, Lisa has a suspicion that maybe not wearing the gloves in the morning is also a choice Yukina intentionally makes, too.
Yukina is endearingly adorable when she is trying to be sneaky. And so Lisa will never call her out, simply chuckles and intertwines their fingers instead. The biting cold is startling, but Lisa has never been afraid of the cold. She is familiar with it, and knows how to wait for such sharpness to melt away into hopeful spring warmth, with enough care and patience, as the two of them walk across the snow towards the lights of their houses.
Lisa presses a kiss on the vocalist’s knuckles, when they separate in front of their houses. A lingering warmth, to soothe and sustain Yukina over the night when she is not by her side. Yukina does not return the gesture, Lisa knows it is not her way of expressing affection anyway, so she does not mind.
But on some particular cold nights, Yukina would climb over the balcony and snuggle into her bed, seeking warmth like a drowsy, sleepy cat, Lisa knows this must be. The way cold hands wrap securely around her back, and the bassist thinks maybe cold is not really an unwelcome sensation after all.
---------------------------
Sometimes Lisa thinks she is not good enough for Yukina.
It is a familiar fear, constant and durable against time. Yukina always shines so brightly, while Lisa is burdened by troublesome thoughts in a hidden corner of her soul. Yukina is the light, the brunette feels like she should not taint the sun with her transgressions, sometimes.
She is constantly seeking for Yukina’s approval, and a place in the vocalist’s life, somewhere she can belong, something she can contribute to those already brilliant sunbeams. Yukina needed a bassist for her band, Lisa would give up her nails to master the instrument. Yukina is not good with studying, Lisa would learn every subject on earth even if she is not the best at them. Yukina likes sweets, Lisa would teach herself how to make cookies in those cute cat shapes.
She never let Yukina know about the burn marks on her hands and the discarded trays in the trash, from the countless failed attempts before. Yukina does not need to know about those imperfections, Lisa thinks she would not be able to bear seeing the disappointment on her face.
She tries and tries and tries to be the best version of herself, someone worthy of Yukina’s affection and the intensity of those eyes. It has become her nature now, after so long, this constant need to always strive for perfection and never let the people around her know about her weaknesses, and the occasional frustrations.
Back then, it was easier to hide, when Yukina still did not pay too much attention to her. But there is careful contemplation in her eyes now, whenever the two of them spend time together and Yukina would look at her with partiality in those golden orbs. Lisa revels in it, of course, but a part of her is not used to such fond regard yet, such close consideration.
The bassist thinks she is slipping, bit by bit, because Yukina has been smiling at her more lately.
Lisa is in love and she does not want to put on a façade anymore, not when Yukina has said she reciprocates those feelings. She wants Yukina to know everything about her, her thoughts, her actions, and her feelings. She wants Yukina to understand the parts of her she does not understand herself. She wants Yukina to know the pieces that make her the person she is, polished and jagged all the same.
Sometimes Lisa would write texts at night, when the exhaustion of the days seep so deeply into her tired bones, but always end up deleting all of them and settling for a good night instead. Because such negative things should not plague Yukina’s dreams, not when Lisa can handle them just fine on her own.
She is simply so busy lately, it will come to pass soon. She has been coming to school two hours early before class for the past week because her dance club needs some help setting up for an upcoming event. There is always Roselia practice in late afternoon, seven days a week. And she has taken up more shifts at the store as well, hoping to earn enough money to buy a new set of bass strings as a result of those intensive practice sessions.
Normally, Lisa is very good at time management and multitasking. But waking up at 6 am and exerting constant effort for eighteen hours straight every day is bound to break even the strongest person in the world. Lisa is no exception, there is a constant ringing in her head and everything just feels so dizzied right now, as she sloughs through her shift at 11, on a Wednesday.
Moca is here with her tonight. Lisa tries to focus on what the other girl is talking, her heavy form leans into the counter tiredly. The bassist can barely keep her eyes open, and perhaps she should have concealed her exhaustion better, because it does not take Moca too long to notice.
Lisa tries to protest, of course, but Moca just grabs the back of her collar and practically throws her out the door, right into Yukina’s waiting arms.
The bassist wobbles unsteadily on her feet, but Yukina must be stronger than she looks because she does not even flinch at Lisa’s sudden weight being thrown right into her. She can barely hear Moca’s firm warning to not come back for the next two days, for all her attention is drawn to the girl in front of her now.
Green eyes blink in confusion. Why is Yukina here, at 11 pm on a normal Wednesday? And why is she looking at Lisa with so much concern? Maybe Lisa is so tired to the point of hallucinating things now.
The brunette shakes her head slowly, to chase the blurry images away. Small but strong hands grab the sides of her face, holding her steady as golden eyes bore into her own green ones, insistently.
Lisa frowns. There is a clear displeased glint in Yukina’s eyes, and she does not like it. She does not like Yukina being unhappy and upset. She has always tried her best so Yukina never has to feel that way, ever.
“Yukina,” The brunette whispers, tired and unsure. Her limps feel like jelly. If Yukina is really here, she thinks she would like to lean into her, just for a short while... the shortest of while… “Why are you here?”
Yukina’s lips press into a thin line. Perhaps Lisa should stop talking, because Yukina looks even more upset than before. It is not a really strange sight, Lisa is familiar with such displeasure for so long before. But lately the silver haired girl’s irritation has not been directed at her and maybe Lisa has gotten a bit complacent.
“I’m here because you like to push yourself,” Yukina’s voice is always so pretty. Lisa would like to listen to it forever. “Did you really think I didn’t notice?”
But you never noticed before, Lisa wants to say. She can feel frustrated, tired tears start to brim at the corners of her eyes. She clenches her jaw tightly, to keep the tears at bay.
It is unfair. She is tired and frustrated at herself, for not having enough courage to show Yukina these little imperfections that make her the way she is. It is unfair, that such annoyance wants to latch onto Yukina instead.
The brunette draws in a deep breath to calm her erratic heart. She is in love with Yukina, and Yukina is in love with her. They are moving forward, they have made a lot of progress along the way. Yukina is not always good with handling feelings, it is not the vocalist’s fault that Lisa was too good at keeping her emotions in check and never letting her see them.
Lisa is just so tired today. Her control is not as good as usual. She wants Yukina so badly it hurts. She wants Yukina to want her the same way, too. She wants Yukina to know.
But Yukina cannot know if she does not tell her those things. The chips in her heart and the threads that mend it back together. Lisa knows she still tends to hide. She can see Yukina has been trying so hard lately, at this relationship thing. Maybe it is time Lisa needs to put in something else too. A new ground for more progress to be made upon. They cannot move forward while standing still like this.
“I’m sorry I did not tell you,” The brunette sighs and takes a step closer, leaning into Yukina’s shorter but strong frame. The vocalist does not move away. “I just… I’m not really used to this yet. Knowing that you care, I mean. I don’t… want to burden you with these kinds of things. I only want you to see me at my best, Yukina.”
Communication. Lisa should learn how to improve that. Yukina does not move away yet. Maybe she won’t, they have made so many promises to each other, after all.
This is an admission of flaws. Perhaps her biggest flaw has been letting the wandering thoughts and insecurities dictate her actions, the way she treats other people around her. Lisa is afraid she might get too lost in the darkness soon, one day.
But with Yukina’s light by her side, calm and steady and bright, Lisa thinks she will be alright. With a little more patience and effort, and the darkness would be chased away from her life forever, with this first step in the right direction.
“I don’t want to only see you at your best. I want to see you for yourself. I want you just the way you are. And I do care about you.” The declarations make her sigh in relief. It does not surprise her, like she has expected it to. Perhaps Lisa is better at receiving these tiny yet unyielding bursts of affection from Yukina now, thanks to the more frequent exposures to them lately.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry for making you worried. I will try not to anymore.”
“And you won’t hide from me anymore, too?” Golden eyes narrow. “I know there were things I was not aware of in the past. But I want to know about them now. I try, but you know I’m not very good at spotting them yet. Lisa, please don’t hide so I can learn how to?”
Yukina is trying so hard. Lisa thinks she doesn’t need to, because she loves her the way she is, a bit dense and hopeless sometimes. But it feels so good, to be reassured.
“I will try my best.” The brunette wants to assure that she won’t, not anymore. But she is not confident in making such a promise yet, because this is something she needs to learn, too. Knowing Yukina wants her the way she is, both flaws and perfections alike.
Just like everything in their relationship, after a decade of being entangled in each other’s life, there are still things they need to learn now, to mend and to grow together.
---------------------------
Yukina’s parents frequently go on business trips together. Lisa thinks it might be part of the reason why Yukina had grown up to be so independent and a bit rough around the edge.
Whenever this happens, the Minatos often inquire Lisa to look after Yukina. Because they all know that, if left alone, Yukina would consume only water and instant noodles for days without a care for her nutrition intake. Lisa is already used to it, and she takes immense pleasure in being able to care for Yukina in this simple way.
She likes cooking a lot, and she likes it even more when she is cooking for the person she loves.
Her parents simply laugh and wave goodbye when Lisa announces she is spending the night and the next few days over at the Minato residence, for they are too used to these instances now. It is either Lisa would come over there or the Minatos would bring Yukina over to the Imais. Sometimes Lisa thinks she has two sets of parents, and she wonders if Yukina feels the same way, too.
They go grocery shopping that night. Yukina can remember most things she likes now, Lisa does not need to hide her smiles whenever golden eyes light up and Yukina points at something she wants to get for both of them. It is endearing, that gradually Yukina is learning how to derive joy from these tiny things in her daily life. It feels oddly domestic, to hold the other girl’s hand while they discuss lunch and dinner plans for the next few days.
Yukina is pretty easy to handle, in terms of food. Aside from bitter things, she does not really dislike anything, although the vocalist certainly has her set of favorite dishes. Lisa knows all of them by heart, she knows the way she likes her eggs scrambled, and how smooth the mashed potatoes should be.
It is not a new thing, really. Lisa would cook and Yukina would do the dishes, as per their usual routine. Afterward, the brunette would like to study together, since Yukina needs more help with history lately, but the vocalist pouts and tomorrow is a weekend. So she gives in and they end up rewatching a recording of their concerts instead.
The weather is getting colder now. Yukina sleepily slides a hand under her shirt, for warmth. Lisa holds her tighter into her chest, murmurs a good night and presses a kiss on her forehead. The brunette hums softly, counting the quiet minutes until Yukina’s heartbeats settle calmly against her own, weaving her fingers gently through silver strands.
She likes to hold Yukina when she is asleep. Sometimes it might be the opposite, Lisa would have trouble sleeping and Yukina would sing for her, reticent and precious melodies floating in the faint darkness of the room. And Lisa would fall for her, the light in her eyes and the ardor in her voice. The quiet songs that are reserved just for her. The little signs of love.
The sun is already high up in the sky when she wakes up, shining cheerfully through the dark blue curtain of Yukina’s balcony. A quick glance at the clock on the side table confirms it is 10 am.
It is very tempting, to stay the whole day in bed and do absolutely nothing but cuddle with each other. But Lisa has plan for that history review later, it is not productive to let an entire day go to waste.
Yukina only grumbles when she disentangles from the cocoon they have wrapped themselves in, but curls up easily under the blanket after Lisa whispers she is merely going to make breakfast. Golden eyes stubbornly keep tightly shut against the morning light now flooding the room. Lisa quickly retreats from the bed, lest the temptation trumps her restraints.
The vocalist prefers grilled fish with her breakfast, while Lisa usually takes hers with beef bowls instead. The brunette is in the middle of flipping the fish when a weight leans onto her back, all heavy limbs and drowsy murmurs. Lisa would have jumped out of surprise, if not for the familiar lavender scent and the familiar heat from her body.
Yukina is more clingy lately, particularly when she is sleepy and all her inhibitions are down. Lisa thinks it might be because she is used to the warmth from the brunette’s body now, her heart misses a beat when the other girl burrows even closer into her back and mumbles something unintelligible.
“What was that?” The bassist leans up to reach the salt on the cupboard. Yukina huffs disapprovingly at the movement.
“You’re warm,” She can hear the lingering sleep in the other girl’s voice, clearly and affectionately. “I like you.”
Lisa only chuckles, and lowers the stove heat so the sizzling oil won’t accidentally splash Yukina too.
It hits her, then. How much she wants more moments like this. Nights and days and everything in between. Quiet words and sleepy exclamations, amidst bustling pans and stoves and preparation for a new day to come. The way Yukina is so willing to touch her, when it is just the two of them here, in a silent kitchen and a place of their own.
How Yukina’s eyes are the last thing she sees before sleep, and her familiar scent is the first thing that greets Lisa when morning comes.
The brunette switches off the stove and turns around, wrapping her arms around Yukina more securely. The other girl hums in approval, and nuzzles deeper into the crook of her neck. Lisa looks at the cat paw pajamas Yukina is wearing, the one she had bought for her last Christmas, and feels her heart swell tenfold at the sudden emotions threatening to overwhelm her thoughts.
She hopes Yukina does not notice how shaky her hands are, curling tightly around the vocalist’s waist.
I think, I am going to marry you one day, Yukina. The skin on her neck burns at the light, easy puffs of air. If you will have me.
---------------------------
It is an unexpected development, but Lisa somehow has found a new friend in Layer.
It is not unusual for her to be making new friends, but there is just something different about Layer. A breath of fresh air. They first came across each other in the musical store, searching for bass strings together. Chuchu was still a bit serious about her supposed rivalry with Roselia at the time, so their first meeting was awkward, if Lisa was being honest.
But as they had more chances to meet each other and converse in a friendly, comfy atmosphere, Lisa realized what exactly it was about Layer that made her feel so comfortable, so at ease. A presence so familiar to her.
She is a bass player, and also a vocalist. Lisa chuckles. Of course, no wonder she can understand many of Lisa’s struggles so easily, because she knows how the sound of a bass is supposed to harmonize together with vocals, seamlessly and fluently, captivating the audience with their presence.
The bass was the one subject they conversed with each other, in those first awkward meetings. Then the vocals, and Lisa had spent her entire life dedicated to listening to Yukina’s sound, so another person’s perspective is indeed refreshing.
Layer is very knowledgeable, not just about her own instrument but also about the guitar as well. Because she is in love with a guitarist. Lisa can see the light in her eyes, clearly and ardently, when she talks about her. How her normally reserved persona seems to evaporate in thin air and Layer looks like she can barely hold in the affection in her heart, at finally being reunited with the one existence that lit her entire soul on fire.
Lisa wonders if she looks the same way, whenever her thoughts wander to Yukina so frequently, before and even now.
They are childhood friends, too. Their bond was fostered by music and strengthened in the time and distance they spent apart from each other. A connection that is written in the stars, firm and concrete and promising.
Layer has a special nickname for Tae. Hana-chan, she says, fondness and light in the way she breathes out the word, like a whisper. Sacred and in awe. She has always called her by that when they were kids, and the name has stuck with both of them since then. Something belongs to them, and only them.
Lisa leans back against the park bench, looking up at the clear blue sky, in contemplation.
She has read many romance novels before. The names are not hard to think of. But the feelings they induce are not pleasant in the slightest. They leave a bad taste in her mouth, calling Yukina by any other name.
She has been calling Yukina like that since forever. Yukina calls her the same way, too. Maybe she is not the only one who does that, because many of Lisa’s friends call her by her name as well. But the way Yukina speaks the word, how the syllables roll out of her tongue, definite and solid, Lisa knows no one can ever match the myriad of emotions emboldened by them.
Her name does not have any particular meaning. Not in Japanese, not in any other language. Her parents once explained it was because they did not want to impose any expectations on her, and Lisa should be allowed all the freedom in the world to find meanings to her name, brought by her experience in life and the things she adored.
Her name does not have any particular meaning, but Yukina calls her like she is something special. Something precious and close to her heart. Something to be protected and to be proud of.
Lisa wonders if Yukina can sense the love Lisa holds for her, in the way she calls her name, too. She must, the brunette sighs affectionately. Yukina is a vocalist, deep-meaning words are her wheelhouse. She is gifted at dissecting the intricate intonations in a beholder’s voice, and Lisa has been a beholder her entire life. Always have been and always will be.
“How did it feel, when you finally saw her again?” She asks, softly and curiously, and watches as Layer’s face lights up like the sun. A bit bashful, but Lisa thinks that is how a person in love is supposed to look like.
“It is not easy to put into words…” The taller girl rubs the back of her neck sheepishly, “Like… There is this stuck cog inside your chest, immovable for the longest of time. With time you got used to it, so you didn’t think about the cog too much… But the moment she appeared, there was a click, and everything started moving again.”
Lisa smiles. She understands the feeling very well.
“It is kinda amazing, isn’t it? That now the cog is fixed and the wheels are turning, we don’t understand how come we have never noticed the stagnation before? The missing piece?”
Layer blinks at her, and her smile softens at the thoughtful look on Lisa’s face. “Yeah… you don’t find my explanation strange?”
“No, not at all,” The brunette laughs quietly, “You are right. It is not a necessary cog for normal functioning, so it would make sense to not pay much attention to it. But it is a cog that makes you the person you are. A unique existence.”
Lisa thinks about the time and distance they spent apart, physically and mentally. The cog that had stopped turning and left in the dust. The “what-if” and how she would have turned out with just a part of her left, the functioning part where the cog is irrelevant, if Yukina never came back and tinkled with it again.
***
Yukina is beautiful, Lisa is in awe every time she looks at her. Under the stage limelight, basked in the moonlit light, quiet and thoughtful in the tame yellow light of her desk lamp.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Her pretty nose scrunches up in confusion, as she leans over Lisa on the bed.
The brunette sighs softly and reaches a hand up, trailing her finger over those acute eyebrows. They are furrowed just the tiniest bit.
Because whenever I think about the past, I wonder how I am so lucky right now, to be able to touch you freely like this. What have I done in my past lives, to deserve you?
“Have you ever thought about how we would have turned out, if Roselia never formed in the first place?” She asks, instead.
Where would I be now, if you never needed me to fill that spot? If there had been another bassist instead? Would that cog be left alone and forgotten forever?
Yukina leans back, blinking in surprise. Sliver hair falls effortlessly over her shoulders. Lisa twirls a few loose strands around her finger, eyes drinking in the silvery moonlight cascading her halo before overflowing into thin strips of pale white kissing along slender neck, graceful and ethereal.
She is so exquisite, and she takes Lisa’s breath away.
Sometimes she feels like crying when she looks at Yukina. These intense emotions drowning her so easily, and effortlessly.
Lisa doesn’t really know if this is supposed to be normal. She doesn’t really know if “love” is the right emotion she is experiencing, because she thinks love is not supposed to be this overwhelming, this scary.
“I have never thought about that,” The silver-haired girl shakes her head. Lisa wills her heart to calm down so she can focus on Yukina’s voice, an anchor grounding her messy thoughts. “You are here with me now, in this moment. My path and your path crossed each other leading to this point. That is the only thing I care about.”
She leans down to kiss the shell of Lisa’s ear. A kiss to reassure. The brunette thinks she is shaking, in Yukina’s arms.
“Maybe things would have turned out differently,” Yukina mumbles. Time seems to have stopped in the safety of her room, leaving them at a standstill. Stagnation in the air. “I wouldn’t have known a lot of things. You wouldn’t have known a lot of things. But those are of no concern to me, because they are not the reality we are living right now.”
Lisa takes in a shaky breath, and her lungs are filled with Yukina’s scent, floating and enveloping her. So close, this assurance she once never hoped to experience, except for the distant dreams in her deepest desires and far out of her reach.
“I think I would still love you, even if that happened,” Lisa whispers. She has been in love with Yukina since forever. The cog might be forgotten, but it will always remain a part of her, no matter what alternate timeline they might be in.
Yukina only shrugs. The gesture might appear as careless to another observer, but Lisa knows that is just the way she is. Conviction and belief, in their simplest form. She is the anchor to Lisa’s wandering, cloudy thoughts sometimes.
“I don’t know about that. I do know you love me now. That is enough for me. And I love you, too.”
Between the two of them, it is surprising that Yukina has become the one saying “I love you” more. She had some trouble with figuring her feelings out at first, but once she knew she made sure to let Lisa know, too. Constantly, even. Lisa is the opposite. She has known she is in love with Yukina for a long, long time, yet the words are hard for her to utter.
Sometimes it is because the feelings overwhelm her too much. Sometimes it is because she is still apprehensive of Yukina’s reaction, as if her reciprocation is a fantasy Lisa’s mind had conjured to soothe the longing in her heart, and it is safer to say it back when Yukina brings it up first.
It is a bad habit, she knows, but a habit nonetheless. Something ingrained too deeply in her bones.
Lisa sits up and burrows her face into Yukina’s collarbones, trailing fevered kisses along them. She is not good with saying the words yet, she is learning how to do so, but Lisa knows at least she is better at showing affection in more physical, tangible ways.
This is the reality they are living in. It takes them a while to get here, Lisa knows she never wants her and Yukina’s paths to stray from each other again.
---------------------------
She likes the sight of Yukina in her clothes.
Those instances are not often, only in winter when the cold is biting and Yukina has always been sensitive to the cold. Lisa’s usual attires are form-fitting in the other three seasons of the year, but it is impossible for such clothing to withstand the freezing snow.
And so winter usually finds her in warm, fluffy knitted sweaters. The exact kind of sweaters Yukina likes to steal from her sometimes.
The first time, Lisa attributed it to the other girl’s forgetful tendency. Yukina came into class with only a flimsy jacket one day, and Lisa had to practically force her to put on the brunette’s spare sweater. She did not know if it was because maroon was such a pretty color on Yukina, or it was because it was her sweater that Yukina was wearing, but her heart almost faltered when the vocalist turned and smiled at her, tentative and shy.
The second time was during one of their sleepovers. Yukina had been eyeing the ivory sweater inside Lisa’s closet for a while, she knew it was because it had a smiley cat face design in the front and a striped cat tail at the back. Lisa would be lying when she said she did not buy it without Yukina in her mind.
The next time was her coat with the fur collar. Yukina, apparently, liked to rub her face into it. She didn’t really know if that meant Yukina liked it on her or on herself more, but she wrapped the girl in that coat anyway, and smiled when the hem almost came all the way to Yukina’s knees. Coupled with the scarf and the knitted beanie, Yukina almost looked like a pleased sparrow, too.
After that, Lisa doesn’t keep count anymore.
She knows exactly the reason for this feeling, this gratification from witnessing her presence in Yukina’s life in those little tangible traces. It had come as a surprise at first, because she had assumed that meant she was a pretty possessive person, but it made sense when Lisa thought more about it.
She knows she has a place in Yukina’s heart. She knows that, logically. But the insecurities like to resurface and rear their ugly heads sometimes. She is fine with being in Yukina’s heart, a place far out of others’ reach. But people close to them can now take one look at Yukina and just know there are Lisa’s traces on her. Those kinds of physical, tangible confirmation are not something she even knew she wanted.
Their lives are intertwined with each other for so long, their personalities were built upon the existence of the other. It would be easy for other aspects of them to start getting mixed up together, too. A natural progression.
Lisa wonders if people look at her now, would they be able to see the marks that Yukina’s presence has etched so deeply inside her soul? Forever there against the passage of days.
She hasn’t told Yukina yet, but she has bought promise rings for them. She is going to marry Yukina one day, and she wants to make this promise to her. Another commitment to add to their story. Silver rings, so they can sparkle under the sun and complement Yukina’s gold-colored eyes perfectly, too.
They have been in her drawer for a while now, silently awaiting. Lisa is a bit nervous about giving them to Yukina. But communication is a two-way process and if she wants something, she should learn how to ask for it now.
Her hand trembles slightly, when she slides the ring on Yukina’s right ring finger. The thin strip of silver is bright against her skin. Bright and hopeful and a concrete presence in Yukina’s life, from now onwards.
And when the silver-haired girl leans up and brushes a kiss on her cheek, after the ring is secure in its rightful spot, Lisa is sure everything will turn out alright.
There are still things they need to learn about each other, in this ever-growing relationship. But with Yukina by her side and in her future, Lisa thinks love and all these unnamed emotions might not be as scary as she had thought, after all.