Archive of Our Own ^beta

r/AmItheAsshole • Posted by u/BoomBoomGod 8 hours ago
 

AITA for punching my best friend for implying that I’m in love and acting like a sugar daddy to my other (childhood) best friend?

Listen up, extras, I wouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t talk to either of my best friends about this because the whole damn issue involves the both of them, and I’d rather eat my hand than ask another school mate about this. I’m going to provide some background information, so you internet idiots will remain impartial in your judgement.

Admitting this is like pulling my tooth out with pliers, but I [24M] have two best friends. For the sake of your tiny brains, I’ll call them Tomato Idiot [23M] and Broccoli Idiot [23M]. One night, Tomato Idiot and I were hanging out with his girlfriend and some friends, when he said, I shit you not, “With everything you’re doing for Broccoli Idiot, you might as well call yourself his sugar daddy, bro.” Of course, Tomato Idiot and Co. just had to agree and spent the next ten minutes spewing bullshit about all the times I allegedly went out of my way to help Broccoli Idiot out (edit: detailed below). The annoying Tomato Idiot just laughed and told everyone to cut it out.

Course I was glad that my Tomato Idiot had my back, but then, he smiled—actually smiled—and whispered that I didn’t have to deny it anymore. Because it was “obvious” and everyone has known for the 7 YEARS and that I had “willingly put my life on the line” for Broccoli Idiot, time and time again. He patted my shoulder, grinning condescending with his sharp teeth urging me to just “stop being in denial, bro.”

I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t expect Tomato Idiot to call me out like that. Out of our group of friends, he was the one that always defended me against the extra’s teasing, even though I didn’t need his help, of course. I could kick their asses myself. But anyway. Tomato Idiot’s girlfriend, Bug Eyes, slid over and showed off her engagement ring and said, “Maybe, you’d have the balls for this.” I didn’t even feel myself move.

All I know is that I reached my limit and no matter how much I tried to breathe in and out like Broccoli Idiot tells me, I couldn’t. I shot up and punched Tomato Idiot in the face. He has a quirk that’s awesome for defense. But he wasn’t expecting this from me. He ended up in the emergency room. AITA?

TLDR; go re-read the title, dipshit.

EDIT: Some background because you extras kept asking about Broccoli Idiot.

I met Broccoli Idiot when we’re still in diapers. We grew up together. His stupid father was out of the picture, and both of our mothers were best friends. My old hag and Broccoli Idiot’s mother took turns babysitting us, dressing us up in dumb onesies and taking a million pictures. Broccoli Idiot is a bumbling idiot, I swear. He used to follow up around as a kid, always calling me by this stupid nickname because he couldn’t pronounce my actual name and it just stuck.

It’s always [my nickname]! [my nickname]! [my nickname], sugoi! [my nickname], you’re amazing! [my nickname], you have the best quirk! [my nickname], I’ll race you to the top! [my nickname], can you make me katsudon? Yours is the best! [my nickname], you didn’t have to get me this Limited Edition Mirko tea set! Ugh, jeez, shut up, Broccoli Idiot! If I didn’t get it for him, he’d sulk all day, and a happy Broccoli Idiot means less whining in my life.

Anyway, Broccoli Idiot and I grew up together. We dreamt of being heroes. Of being the best of the best. Better than All Might. Of being the Number One Hero. But then… we grew apart and we fought like wild animals. He was my rival in everything. He got into the same high school I did. Which is a fucking awesome school, most of you extras on here can't even dream about going to. He was in the Top 5 of our class. He has annoying green hair that’s never brushed properly. FYI, that’s why I call him Broccoli Idiot, if you extras haven’t figured that out yet.

We competed throughout our schooling. Argued. Trained together. Went to a fucking war together. Fought some more. As in, fucking ending up in the hospital kind of fights. Fine. It was mostly my fault. I was a huge asshole to him. I’m not even gonna try to defend that here. Just let it be known that a bunch of stuff happened, and I realized that I was kind of a jealous, insecure bag of shit to him because he’s amazing and I wanted to be the best. Now, I realized we could be the best together.

More stuff happened and he basically can’t do hero work now. He’s consulting. He’s working with the youth of tomorrow. Broccoli Idiot tells me that he’s happy with his current job, but I don’t know. But here’s the fucking thing. I can’t do this without him. Without him, the rat race to the top doesn’t even fucking matter.

I wanted us to be heroes together. I’m working with some start ups and support techs with the damned hope that he could join me in the field again. That shit’s expensive, so I’m saving up. Money doesn’t grow on trees, alright? I have a fuckton of savings from growing up as my parent’s show and tell pony, but even that isn’t enough for the multiple shit that goes into building something like what Broccoli Idiot needs to be in the field with me.

I’m rambling like stupid Broccoli Idiot now.

Alright, so you fuckers tell me the verdict. Is this love like Red Idiot keeps telling me? Is this me acting like a sugar daddy? Let’s be real! Fuck no. I’m just investing my money in a decent partnership. I need someone worthy to watch my back in the field. He’s my best friend, that’s it.

BoomBoomGod out, fuckers.