Chapter Text
He never saw it coming.
Knife and Suitcase, Inanimate Insanity finalists. On the path to win the show, they were on the final stretch. Anything could happen.
With the revelations of the past few days, it was a small mercy that they had time to process at all. The two finalists sat around an extinguished campfire on the show grounds, ignoring the other’s presence: The absence of everyone else also went ignored.
One by one, everyone left this campsite, their tent and belongings removed the second they were eliminated. Now it was just them. Them and their thoughts.
Knife leaned against a tree stump, rolling a rock of charcoal between his fingers. Peoples’ words from the previous challenge refused to leave him.
“...the tough, scary, brute, who will just keep talking until whoever’s listening is forced to agree with him.”
“I’m not sure how much you wanna help others, or if you’re just messing with us for your amusement…”
Knife balled his hands into fists as unnameable emotions raced in his mind. The charcoal shattered, dusting the grass in black powder. Suitcase startled at the noise. He wiped his hands on the grass, and didn’t acknowledge her.
…
The ground exploded between them, chunks of dirt and grass flying into the air. Knife jumped up. A cold shock sent adrenaline coursing through his heart. Ash and soot kicked up, floating down to blanket the still figure in the crater. A purple light flared through the debris like a miniature sun.
Was that...? Knife moved closer. Ash floated around Candle’s stirring form.
Suitcase gasped across from Knife, “What’s going on?” Her body trembled, “Who are you?”
“I need to speak to MePhone,” Candle stumbled out of the crater, rubbing her head, “an urgent force brings me here.”
Her legs wobbled, and her flame flickered. Dust and dirt covered her wax, shading her a dark magenta. Knife searched for his voice. “We haven’t seen him. Not since…” His and Suitcase’s eyes met, recalling the last thing that happened before MePhone vanished. That call from Cobs.
“He could be anywhere.” Suitcase broke eye contact with him, “What’s wrong? Is it…?”
Candle threw her gaze to the ocean, searching for something, “There is an entity pursuing MePhone. I was sent to warn him.”
He tried to gauge the severity of Candle’s claim. Her attitude was plenty serious, but she did crash out of nowhere. If this ‘entity’ was related to Cobs, then it was either hit or miss how dangerous a threat it posed.
On one hand, MePhone had believed the alien ship from a few days ago was sent by Cobs, so he must have some serious equipment.
On the other hand, Knife has personally rendered newer MePhones broken by the mere tap of a finger. “An entity?” Knife crossed his arms. “Did Cobs send another MePhone version?”
“I’m not sure—”
“You’re not sure?” He pressed.
She tore her eyes from the ocean, searching the treeline, “Still, I have the obligation to inform him.” After steadying herself, she took off in a random direction, headed for the forest.
Suitcase’s eyes followed her retreating back, she called, “...You could try the cave?”
Candle paused, “The cave?”
That’s right. The cave from the gem hunting challenge. Knife was still unsure of what his gem had shown him, the word ‘garbage’ echoing in his ears was all that stood out. He pointed, “Yeah, it’s over there through the forest. He spends a lot of time there.”
“Thank you.” Candle said, turning back and following his directions. She disappeared into the trees, leaving the two finalists in silence.
Suitcase remarked, “That was… weird.” She stared up, as if she expected someone else to fall from the sky. “Who was that?—How did she even get here?”
“I’m pretty sure she’s from the third season. You know, the one MePhone somehow made in a single day between the last two challenges.”
“No, I did not know that. Huh. Third season?”
They didn’t have any time to contemplate Candle’s arrival, as a faraway crash forced their attention to Hotel OJ. Near where they broke the ice, all that time ago, rested a docked ship. Not a small passenger ship, but a grand wooden one with multiple decks and towering masts, sails waving in the wind.
Knife peered over, “What the…?”
From this distance, Knife could make out five silhouettes disembarking the ship, and approaching Hotel OJ. A sixth figure shot out, crashing into the hotel’s main floor.
Was this the ‘entity’ Candle was referencing? Knife rushed over, Suitcase hot on his heels. Dust clung to the air, and residents made their way down from the commotion. Floating where the front doors had been, towered a dark MePhone. Its limbs stretched and shifted like breathing metal, swaying with unnerving fluidity as it scanned the area.
An unfamiliar voice rang behind Knife. The five figures from the ship were approaching, and the large one was saying, “It’s the damn cube! It’s messing with the MePhone and Radar.”
A tattered logbook, the one leading the group, rolled her eye, “It doesn’t matter. The MePhone can cover the island in a second. MePhone!”
The newer MePhone made a vague sound of inquiry, turning jerkily to face the logbook.
“Go search the island. Contact Radar if you find the MePhone 4, and engage immediately.”
A loading wheel popped up on the newer MePhone’s screen before it froze in place, hovering just above the ground.
“Uhm,” OJ stormed into the destroyed lobby, a gang of residents behind him, “what the heck is going on? What are you doing on my property?”
Fan pointed at the MePhone and called, “It’s the new MePhone 15X!”
“Ugh, great.” OJ pinched the bridge of his nose, “MePhone isn’t here. Go look somewhere else.”
Test Tube elbowed him, “OJ!” She hissed, “You’re not supposed to tell them that!”
“Well, this has nothing to do with me, and I don’t need them tearing up my property any more than it is. I’m still out of pocket from the plane MePhone crashed!”
Knife stepped forward, rolling his eyes. “Oh, for goodness sake!” He prodded a finger into 15X’s side. In a flash, the MePhone whipped around. Its arm slammed Knife into the hotel wall.
Suitcase yelled, “Knife!”
The walls shuddered. Knife’s vision blacked out, and he couldn’t find his breath. When the black spots popping in his eyes subsided, the MePhone 15X was taking to the air with lightning speed. A gust of wind pushed everyone back from the force of its takeoff.
OJ pushed past him and stomped up to the logbook, getting in her face, “I told you guys to get off my property!”
She stared at him for a long second. The logbook leaned back, an unreadable smile spreading across her face. Then she chuckled, “Not until we find the MePhone we’re looking for. Stay out of our way, we have no quarrel with you.”
“Uhm. Actually!” Test Tube cut in, shoving OJ back, “MePhone went that–a way.” She pointed behind the hotel, where nothing but the Crappy Cliff resided.
The logbook hummed, and regarded Test Tube with a thoughtful look. Knife caught a good look of her face as Suitcase helped steady him: A tattered ribbon bookmark hid her left eye, some scarred paper-encrusted tissue peeking out from behind it. Old blood and dried water stained her brown leather cover. She opened her mouth, but a radar-adjacent object with no arms and frankenstein proportions cut her off.
“Logbook—” It warned.
A distant explosion with red undertones rang behind them. Knife’s eyes widened at the plume of dirt and dust rising from the rough location of Gemory Cave.
“Well, I guess it didn’t go that way.” She bared her sharp yellowed teeth, and she said, “Come on, guys.”
At a snap of her fingers, Logbook's entourage turned and sprinted toward the explosion.
Silence fell upon the hotel. OJ turned to face the hotel's destroyed entrance, grinding his teeth. As another explosion cracked the air, Test Tube and a few others kept their gazes on the forest. Red light bathed the treetops, and caused birds to flee their homes.
After a few moments of nothing, Test Tube said, “...We should do something.” A few people nodded.
OJ pushed past her to walk into the hotel.
Knife bit his lip and clutched his bruising side. Suitcase supported him on his left, “Are you alright?”
“I’ll be fine,” He grunted, turning to Test Tube, “Do you have any weapons in your lab?”
Her eye twitched, “I have… a few. Although prototypes typically cause more harm than good.”
“Then it’s settled.” Knife started to walk in the direction of her lab. When nobody followed, he paused, “Anyone coming?”
Salt peeked her head through a shattered window. “Like. Um, that’s like not our problem.”
“Yea.” Pepper appeared behind her, “That’s MePhone’s, like, business.”
Microphone ran through the destroyed main doors, “I’ll come!”
“Really?” Knife raised an eyebrow.
She scoffed, about to retort, but Lightbulb interrupted. “Come on Bright Lights! MePhone needs our help to take down the pirates!”
“Pirates?” Paintbrush shot her an odd look, “Lightbulb, I don’t think pirates are a thing anymore—”
“Nonsense!” She insisted, putting her hands on her hips, and glancing at the unwilling group.
Fan shifted uncomfortably, Baseball was fascinated with the ceiling for some reason, and Yin-Yang seemed to be having a heated internal debate.
“Need I remind you,” Test Tube harrumphed, “MePhone will be unable to revive anybody if he is dead or rendered broken.”
“Uhm!” Baseball pushed past a bored Salt and Pepper, “What were you saying? Let’s go guys.”
Lightbulb punched a fist in the air, “Yeah! Bright Lights and Grand Slams assemble!”
“Yay!” Yang shouted, “Violence!”
Test Tube and Knife led the group of rallied objects towards her lab. Lightbulb skipped along behind Knife, followed by Paintbrush, Cherries, Suitcase, Fan, Yin-Yang, and Microphone. Baseball, Trophy—for some reason, Tissues, Bomb, and Nickel brought up the rear.
The turnout was… somewhat disappointing. Although he could understand their reasonings, Knife expected more from his former contestants and teammates. Salt and Pepper couldn’t care less, OJ was more focused on his precious hotel, and it took the threat of permanent death to get anyone moving. That’s not considering the people who weren’t even bothered to come and check out the commotion.
Through the treetops, reds, greens, and purples burst in brilliant flares of light. Branches creaked and metal screeched, echoing through the forest like a haunting choir of dread. Their group flinched at every unexpected bang and violent thump.
MePhone 15x burst from the woodwork, and tore a deep trench through their group. Candle and MePhone emerged shortly after. They both had seen better days; a line of scuffed metal traced MePhone’s side, and scratches and dirt embedded themselves into Candle’s wax.
15X lifted itself into the air with liquid-smooth limbs. Raising its arm, it charged a laser in its palm. It fired. A shield constructed out of thin air blocked the molten beam from reaching MePhone. He screwed his eyes shut, and the shield melted away.
Knife’s eyes widened at movement behind Candle. She announced, “Others are coming.”
She turned in time to meet Logbook’s sharp smile.
“Well…” She put her arms on her hips, “If you chose to aid the MePhone in resisting capture, then I suppose we do have a problem; one that will be dealt with swiftly.”
The flash of a sword was all the warning Candle had. She jumped back, and Knife leapt forward. His blade clashed against Logbook’s, sparks alighting the air.
“Quick!” Shouted Test Tube behind him, “To the lab!”
Two figures pushed past Knife to stop Test Tube, both flags upon short flagpoles. A glimpse of red and black caught his eye, but another swing from Logbook brought Knife back to the fight.
He grunted as his blade ricocheted against hers. His head pounded, and the sound of a cocking gun cut through the vibrations.
“Where do you think you’re going?” An unfamiliar voice asked behind him.
Logbook’s blade danced around Knife, jumping around and trying to land a hit.
To his side, MePhone gasped. His screen lit up with the green of his generation power. A volley of laser beams heated Knife’s back as he maneuvered around Logbook.
“Hey now! This is no way to resolve conflict.” In the corner of Knife’s vision, Lightbulb pushed MePhone out of harm’s way. Logbook delivered a shower of strikes aimed at Knife’s handle. He ducked, deflecting them with his pointed edge.
MePhone fell to his knees, the sound of his generation ringing across the battlefield. The clatter of metal accompanied MePhone’s pained groan.
Logbook forced Knife’s attention onto her, even as another one of her goons cornered MePhone. Knife attempted to disengage and run over to him, but Logbook cut him off with her cutlass.
“Surrender now, and we will not be forced to harm you,” The giant goon spoke softly.
Another goon popped up, “Cannonball! Don’t tell it that, you’ll make it less fun!”
MePhone kicked Cannonball in the shins before jumping to his feet, “I—Candle!” He called, “I generated some weapons.”
“You should be saving your energy,” Candle came over to him, and scooped up the pile of mismatched weapons to hand them out.
Knife and Logbook circled each other, taking turns aiming hits at one another’s blade. With his back to the forest, Knife had a good view as Candle distributed weapons. Cherries and Trophy grabbed generated blades, and ran to back up Test Tube where the red and black flags had her cornered.
The red flag growled. He raised his gun at Trophy. A shot rang out, and Knife flinched. Trophy dropped to the ground. The grass turned red. His momentary distraction was enough for Logbook to push Knife back. He fell into a tree, using it to steady himself.
Logbook raised her sword, Knife ducked. Her slash missed, cutting a deep gash into the tree’s bark. How sharp was her sword? Not sharp enough to cut Knife’s blade. To be fair, his blade hadn’t left a dent on hers either. He ordered himself to not dwell on Trophy; he’d be revived if—after they won.
In shock, Test Tube backed up into the black flag, who had the stereotypical pirate skull and crossbones printed on her fabric. Both the flags rolled their eyes, and the red one kicked Trophy’s body away. “Ugh,” He said, pointing at Cherries, “hold yours while I deal with this.”
The pirate flag grabbed hold of Test Tube and locked her arms behind her back. “Gah!” Test Tube shouted, trying to kick and trip the flag, “Unhand me you—you jeebweezer!”
Knife whirled around, pinning Logbook against the tree. She snarled, and dodged Knife’s slash. A sliver of her bookmark fell to the ground. Following her momentum, she came back around, and tackled Knife.
They rolled on the ground. Each tried to get the upper hand. Knife grappled her hands, pushing her away. Logbook reeled back and slammed him into the ground. Dirt and grass smeared his face.
A pair of feet stumbled over him as Yin-Yang and Paintbrush defended against Radar, sunlight catching on their mismatched blades—a katana and a butcher's knife, and blinding Knife. Radar took extra care to step on his hand, then lunged at the duo like a rabid animal.
Radar lunged at his friends. Knife willed his focus to remain on the threat at hand. He kicked Logbook off him, using the temporary reprieve to jump to his feet. An opportunity arose, and Knife slashed down on Logbook’s back.
She parried. Grinning madly as she stood up, she twirled her cutlass and aimed another hit. Knife grunted and blocked. He had to hold himself together. Between the dizzying lights bouncing off every blade, and the sounds of battle, Knife’s thoughts were scattering.
Cannonball, Nickel, and Baseball came to a head in the corner of Knife’s eye. The two hulking figures faced off. Yin-Yang joined them, leaving Paintbrush to handle Radar. They lunged over Baseball with their katana raised. “Violence!” They cried.
Their blade clinked against Cannonball, leaving a faint scratch. Cannonball remained emotionless, grabbed Yin-Yang’s wrist, and threw them into the air.
A slash for Knife’s knee forced him into focus, as his distraction gave Logbook enough time to aim another hit for his leg. Knife stumbled back, barely dodging. Logbook was trying a different tactic now, and she seemed as focused as when she first arrived. Knife couldn’t say the same for him.
Knife managed to put a bit of distance between him and Logbook. As he stumbled back, Yin-Yang landed on top of Logbook, sending them toppling to the ground.
He ran forward, intent on landing a blow on Logbook now that she was disoriented. A red hot laser from 15X forced him back, and the heat bit at his skin, only exacerbating the way Knife’s head pounded. Baseball slammed into Cannonball, the two colliding with matched strength. Knife couldn’t think. Paintbrush yelled as Radar sunk his teeth into their arm. They grabbed his antenna and flung him away. Knife staggered forward, helping Yin-Yang as he wrestled Logbook. The pirate flag withdrew from her altercation with Cherries, and leaped incredibly high after Radar.
Fleeing from whoever Microphone had been fighting with Bomb and Fan, she shouted a sonic boom that pushed the flag away. Knife blinked. Who else had he missed?
With a shout, Logbook pushed Knife and Yin-Yang away, grabbing their discarded katana and throwing it.
Baseball gasped. The katana pierced his leather cover. He fell to his knees as his inside layers erupted from his popping and bleeding seams. Nickel ran over, grabbing the blade with his teeth and pulling it out. More blood and yarn pooled from the wound. Cannonball smirked, yanked the blade from Nickel, and dealt a final blow.
Everything blurred into a haze. A mix of adrenaline and exhaustion warred inside Knife, and he found himself unable to piece moments together. One minute, he was defending against Logbook. The next, he was tackling her.
An explosion of shrapnel and red light forced them apart. Logbook smirked, but it took Knife a minute to register who’d gone—Bomb. With distance between them, Knife couldn’t stop Logbook as she made a beeline to 15X and MePhone.
Beads of sweat ran down Knife’s forehead. He spun in place, in the center of the fray. Friends and enemies danced around him, blurring at the edges until Knife couldn’t make out faces. Behind his eyelids, his heartbeat thundered, and Knife tried to rein in his focus long enough to find a path to Logbook.
Paintbrush and Microphone battled the black pirate flag and Radar. Cherries and Test Tube were attacking the red flag, gaining ground. Somehow missed amidst the chaos, Tissues lay lifeless in a pool of sickly blood. Cannonball faced off against Yin-Yang and a vengeful Nickel.
Logbook was halfway across the field now, but Knife could not think. His brain stalled, and he could only watch as she made her way to MePhone, Candle, and Lightbulb defending against the 15X.
Wait, where was Suitcase?
He gave a second cursory glance of the battle. The same objects fought. Knife had the time to make the conclusion that Suitcase wasn’t here—where was she?—before Candle flung Logbook back to him. Logbook cursed and began running back, but Knife intercepted her. He latched onto the only thing keeping him grounded: Keeping Logbook occupied. Sparks reignited the air, Knife clinging onto his slipping focus as the two danced between lasers and Bomb’s shrapnel.
MePhone crashed into him, and threw him off balance. Logbook took the chance to lunge for MePhone.
At the same time, someone called from the woods, “MePhone!”
He looked up, and Knife leaped in front of him to block Logbook’s grab.
That voice was familiar. Unmistakable. Knife blocked Logbook’s view of MePhone, giving him the time to run to the edge of the forest.
Another one of Microphone’s yells blocked out all noise, and prevented Knife from catching the rest of the conversation. After shoving Logbook back, Knife caught a glimpse of the familiar voice. MePhone, Taco, and Suitcase huddled together at the treeline. Suitcase ran over, popping open to reveal a bunch of Test Tube’s prototypes.
“I sneaked into the lab while everyone was distracted!” She whispered, shoving a taser into his hand. Without another word, she ran off to the next group.
Okay. He could work with this. Logbook rounded on him again, and Knife pushed her back with the zapper. Keep her occupied. Keep her from intervening with whatever Taco was planning.
Candle pushed Lightbulb away just before Taco and MePhone charged 15X. An elimination portal sprang to life behind the newer model, and bathed the battlefield in pink light. They collided with 15X. With a flash, all three fell into the portal to who-knows-where.
Logbook snarled in outrage, grabbing Knife’s wrist and twisting the taser from his grasp. “Radar! Where’s the thing?”
Radar jumped away from Paintbrush’s newly-acquired laser gun. “I got it right here!” A hatch opened on his back before a green glowing cube ejected. Logbook caught it, and Knife took an unsure step back. What was going on? Was this her ultimate weapon? Her ultimatum?
Instead of turning on Knife with a powerful blaster, or a doomsday device, Logbook disengaged. With practiced agility, she leaped over Baseball’s body and onto Cannonball’s head.
“If you all value your lives,” she shouted to the battle, presenting the mysterious cube “You’ll listen to what I have to say.”
As if hearing a signal they were waiting for, Logbook’s crew stopped fighting, and moved to stand next to Logbook in defensive positions. Knife picked up his taser on the ground, mind racing. Were they shifting from offensive to defensive? Was his side winning? Maybe he could score the winning blow.
“I assume you’ve realized,” The book grinned, “We’ve received a rather generous gift: That MePhone 15X.”
Residents and contestants around the field congregated, some holding weapons, and others their sides. Candle gasped at something invisible. Knife’s grip tightened.
“Well, we also received this pretty thing.” She held out the cube for all to see, “Before we arrived, I bet your internet and phone connections didn’t work. This was the cause.”
Logbook then brought the cube protectively to her chest, “This is a connection stasis chamber, or as Cannonball so eloquently puts it—A stasis cube. Any outgoing connection or signal is forced through it, and frozen indefinitely.”
Test Tube understood something Knife didn’t, because she dropped her blaster in pure shock. She breathed, “No…”
“You get it!” Logbook pointed to the fallen bodies littering the battlefield. “All your little friends’ death notifications never reached the MePhone 4.”
Radar bounced in excitement, “So, if I were you, I’d listen up!” He quieted when Logbook sent him a simmering look.
Her eyes darkened. She bared her teeth before delivering her ultimatum. “You’ll do as we say, unless you want them to be dead forever.”
Nobody said anything. Knife couldn’t believe it. Something he took for granted—like when he used to roast Marshmallow. She would always come back, but now?
Nickel stepped forward on wobbly legs, aggression lilting his voice, “How do we know that you’re not lying, huh?”
“Hm,” Logbook pondered, “Why don’t I read out the most recent connections? Let’s see…”
Candle placed a comforting hand on Nickel. She knew something, but Knife couldn’t figure out how or what.
“Nine fifty-five a.m.: A call from Cabby to MePhone 4. Nine fifty-six a.m.: A call from Cabby to the Hotel OJ phone. Ten o’clock a.m.: Several requests from Fan’s MePhone to connect to a website called AO3.” Logbook raised an eyebrow, then smiled triumphantly, “Twelve twenty p.m.: A MeLife notification of Trophy’s death. Twelve twenty-five p.m.: A MeLife notification of Baseball’s death—”
“Okay, we get it!” Paintbrush yelled, smoke curling off their bristles.
Candle breathed, “...So that’s why she couldn’t reach you.”
Logbook bowed like she was thanking the audience for their attention, “Having proved my point, you’ll all follow me back to my ship. You’ll comply without question, answer my questions, and help us find the MePhone 4. If you cooperate, I’ll make sure your friends are revived before we return the MePhone to our benefactor.”
Nickel growled, “You can’t do this to us!”
“That’s wrong—illegal!” Microphone shouted.
“Not any less illegal than what I’ve heard of the MePhone 4’s deeds.” She retorted, hopping off Cannonball, “Besides, I’m not paid for my morality: I’m paid to get a job done.”
Logbook began leading Knife and the contestants toward the ship. Behind the group, the red and black flags pointed their short guns at them, daring them to make a move. Cannonball and Radar flanked their sides. Knife glanced left and right, finding no openings. If he wanted to make a move with his taser, he had to do it soon. He doubted he could hide it with no pockets.
Radar came up next to Logbook, “But—Captain,” He whispered. “You forgot to—”
“I know what I’m doing.” She didn’t spare him a glance, “Unlike you.”
He flinched, falling quiet and back into place.
Knife exchanged a glance with Suitcase and Test Tube, who both seemed shaky but determined. Suitcase noticed and sent him a smile. Test Tube just nodded, undoubtedly thinking of a million half-baked plans at once.
As they trekked over to the ship, walking past Hotel OJ, Logbook grabbed Radar and secured the stasis cube in his back hatch. None of Logbook’s gang had noticed his weapon yet, and he preferred to keep it that way. Until he could find an opportunity to strike, Knife was helpless. His mind wandered to Trophy and Baseball. Despite how much he detested the award, Knife couldn’t bear the thought of him dying forever. Nobody deserved that. Not even a jerk like him.
How had Knife lived with himself before Inanimate Insanity? Before death wasn’t a ‘when,’ but an, ‘if.’
In the wreckage of the hotel’s first floor, OJ and Paper looked up. “Hey! What’s going on?” OJ called.
Microphone opened her mouth, but the red flag silenced her with a threatening show of his gun.
Radar bounded over, peering up at the glass cup, “Do you know where the MePhone 4 went?”
“What? I already told you I don’t.” He huffed. A worried crease formed in his brow as he scanned their group. “And why are you guys helping them, I thought you were—is that a gun?”
“Hey wait a minute,” Paper pointed at the group, “Where’s Baseball? And didn’t Tissues tag along too?”
Logbook smirked, stepping forward and about to deliver some victory speech: This was his chance. Knife lunged forward and stabbed the taser into her back. She fell into Radar with a strangled yell.
The flags raised their guns at Knife. With the focus on him, Microphone and Cherries made a run for Hotel OJ.
Logbook tackled him, restraining his arms behind his back. The flags turned and shot at Mic, but she was already skidding behind a cracked wall. “OJ!” She yelled, dragging him and Paper to cover, “They have this—this thing that’s stopping MePhone from recovering us!”
“What? How?”
Knife grunted as Logbook stood him up, and pushed him to Cannonball. She grabbed his restrained hands, and held him with the rest of the group. The thought of resisting, and trying to kick her shins crossed his mind, but then the black pirate flag glared down at him. Her gun in her hands was warning enough.
Cannonball squeezed his wrists none-too-gently, daring him to try anything before letting him go. He locked eyes with Suitcase and Test Tube, who looked like they wanted to book it. The flags kept the group at bay with their guns. Cannonball stormed up to the hotel, where voices rang from the destroyed lobby.
“It doesn’t matter,” Microphone was saying, “we need to get that cube or else we’re cooked! Baseball is dead…. So is Trophy, and—”
Knife craned to get a view past the splintered wooden doors, just in time to see Cannonball’s fist puncture Paper’s chest. He gasped. She glowered down at the paper sheet, brought her hands together, and smashed them down on his head.
OJ stumbled back, shredded paper and blood fell to the floor.
Without a word, Cherries ran deeper into the hotel, disappearing up the stairway.
To his right, the shine of his discarded taser caught Knife’s eye. He glanced at the flags, who were busy keeping the group of nine-or-so objects in check. Paintbrush shot a simmering death glare at the red flag. They were doing a great job of distracting, even if they didn't know it. Knife crept past them. Suitcase looked around for an opening she might be able to squeeze through, the pirate flag kicked her back. His hand was so close. Just a few more inches…
BANG!
Knife yanked his hand back as the red flag shot the taser into a million pieces. The red flag grabbed and tossed him back. “Anyone moves, and I won't hesitate to put a bullet through you.”
He landed at Lightbulb’s feet, who crossed her arms, “Well now, this isn’t very fair.”
“It’s okay,” Suitcase helped him up with a wobbly smile, “It was worth a shot?”
“Yeah,” He grunted, frowning when a faint sound rattled inside Suitcase. Worth a shot…
Lightbulb gasped, “Omga!” Knife followed her gaze to a second floor window. The Cherries were leading reinforcements down the stairs: Soap, Cheesy, and Balloon. The new arrivals burst into the ruined lobby. Soap made a beeline to Mic and OJ—who couldn’t take his eyes away from the paper corpse growing soggy with blood.
Cannonball headed her off. “Take one more step,” she warned, wiping paper confetti off her hands, “and you’ll have aligned yourself with the MePhone 4. Stay back and remain unharmed.”
“What did you do to Paper?” Soap squealed, “You can’t just show up here like you own the place and do something like that!”
Microphone crept up behind her.
“And maybe take a bath every now and then? The rust is burning my eyes from here!”
Rolling her eyes, Cannonball raised her fists. Mic and Soap charged at the same time, knocking her to the ground.
“Haha, yeah!” Cheesy cheered, Cherries high-fived him. “Let’s give Soap and Mic a round of applause! Get it?”
“You’ve already used that pun before,” Balloon rolled his eyes.
Suitcase and Nickel shouted at the same time, “Balloon—” the red flag cocked his gun to shut them up, and turned to fire a shot through the hotel. It missed.
Cheesy, Balloon, Soap, and Mic rolled Cannonball through a wall, kicking up dust and debris.
“Thanks for coming.” Mic dusted herself off, “I’m surprised how ready everyone is to get into a fight.”
Soap laughed, “Tell me about it.”
Cannonball burst through the wall. OJ snapped out of his trance, jumping to drag Balloon out of the way as Cannonball lunged at Soap.
Knife growled, his gaze flicking between the flags. Their attention was split, half focused on keeping his group situated, and half focused on trying to help Cannonball. The pirate flag raised her gun to shoot at someone, and Knife took his chance.
“Balloon!” Suitcase cried. A pop pierced Knife’s eardrums. He tackled Logbook as Cannonball brought Soap to the ground.
Logbook and Knife rolled in the grass, particles of blood and elastic sticking to their bodies. Soap screeched. The sound of her body smashing repeatedly into the floor thumped in Knife’s head.
Microphone shouted, knocking Cannonball back. Knife whirled around to dodge Logbook’s strike. He struggled to his feet and she withdrew a cutlass from her pages.
“You’ll pay for that!” She snarled.
Knife dodged, the world pitching beneath his feet. He caught a glimpse of a mangled pink pump, and Cannonball sneaking up behind a tearful Mic, “Soap! Stay with me!”
A gargled voice whimpered, descending into silence.
“And you,” Mic boomed at Cannonball, “get away from me!”
The force of her yell knocked Cannonball, Knife, and Logbook off balance. Knife cried out as a slash to his knees brought him down, he raised his gaze to find the tip of Logbook’s sword.
Behind the wicked sharp blade, she grinned, “I could kill you right now if I so decided.”
Beneath him, the grass grew slick with blood. Knife glared back in silent challenge. “What’s stopping you?”
Logbook backed up, and Cannonball restrained him. “Nothing! Really! I’ve just decided it would be more fun to keep you alive.”
Cannonball marched him to the group. His legs wobbled and ached, an uncomfortable warmth spreading down to his feet. The red flag rounded up Microphone, Cheesy, Cherries, and OJ, and ushered them into the group at gunpoint. Knife was kept restrained this time, situated next to the group with his hands held behind him. Logbook paced in front of their group.
She smiled, “Of course, you people whose lives are disposable wouldn’t take well to living how everyone else does. I suppose a taste of mortality can really get the adrenaline kicking.”
“Nevertheless,” She tucked her sword in between her pages, and rubbed the scorched spot on her back from Knife’s taser, “I should have remembered to check you for weapons. Such a foolish mistake. Although, be assured, I’ll make sure I don’t forget what I’ve learned.”
Knife winced in pain as Cannonball gave a subtle nod to Logbook, who continued, “Radar, Jolly, search them and confiscate anything you find!”
The pirate flag—apparently named Jolly—and Radar moved forward, descending on the contestants with savage satisfaction. Fan had a compact laser gun hidden between his folds, as well as his phone. Jolly wrenched the devices from his grip and threw them into a pile. Radar confiscated some kind of calculator Test Tube clung to. Knife’s gaze fell to Hotel OJ as Radar seized a blade from Yin-Yang.
Blood and bits littered the ground, where salmon-colored elastic commingled with red paper shreds, and from behind a cracked pillar, Soap’s broken body lay—strangled, by the looks of it.
He raised his eyes to the higher floors, searching for anybody to witness what was happening. Salt and Pepper at least knew of Logbook’s presence and MePhone’s predicament, even if they hadn’t bothered to help. If they or anybody else could get in contact with MePhone, then maybe they could work something out. Meanwhile, if Logbook insisted on taking Knife and the others for questioning, they could at least try to get their hands on that cube device…
Jolly moved to Suitcase next, grabbing her by the handle and forcing her open. A pile of weapons and technology clattered to the ground. Radar scooped everything up, and dumped it at Logbook’s feet. Suitcase landed next to Knife as Jolly discarded her.
Suitcase stood up, grimacing at Knife, “I—I tried.”
Knife shook his head as it dawned on him. She’d been planning this from the start, and Knife messed it up. If he hadn’t attacked Logbook, then they could have used her stash to fight back on the ship, and get ahold of the stasis cube. How was he supposed to have known?
Logbook observed the process before examining the pile. Then, she nodded to Cannonball. Some kind of unsaid message passed between the two. The book of the hour spoke up at last, “Rebellious prisoners, are we? My, you have such a defiance when your lives are truly on the line. No wonder they say reality TV is fake: It’s nowhere near this kind of genuine reality.”
“Well,” Radar cackled, “whoever continues this stupid show after we get the MePhone will have their work cut out for them. Who knows, maybe things will change without the MeLife app to rely on!”
Lightbulb crossed her arms, “Hey, it wouldn’t be Inanimate Insanity without MePhone and his crazy Meeple shenanigans.”
“Now!” Logbook ignored her, turning her back on the hotel, “Let’s finally go to the ship.”
The crew led them to the ship, Knife still restrained by Cannonball. His legs screamed in pain the whole way, even as his captor supported most of his weight. Candle hummed next to him, her flame flickering, “Patience…”
He wanted to ask if she was talking to him, but Cannonball shuffled him along. Everything swayed as they approached the towering ship, a million thoughts swirling in Knife’s head.
The loudest, most important thought rose to the forefront of his mind: They still didn’t know where MePhone was, or if he was safe. If the MePhone 15X had succeeded—had killed MePhone… then everyone who had died today would stay dead. Such a thought was enough to make Knife’s stomach churn.
