Archive of Our Own

[Scene 1]

Mira looks thoughtful these days.

You notice it, sometime after Isabeau announced that the two of you were bonded and everyone congratulated you two. Mirabelle had asked about earrings, to which you'd had to explain that you exchanged cloaks instead. Then, of course, Odile asked what "bonding earrings" are because she'd never gotten the chance to learn about them before. Her notebook came out and everything as Mirabelle dutifully explained all the romantic gestures that could be performed with bonding earrings.

It was all a little hectic and embarrassing, especially once everyone insisted on having a feast to celebrate. Bonnie made a lot of food, even while calling you and Isabeau gross.

Anyway, ever since then, Mira looks like she's been thinking about something. Rather deeply, too. It's been hard to get her attention recently, and you're getting a little concerned.

It's not about the papers again, is it?

You know that you messed up last time, but... But if she's worried about dating and romance, then. Then maybe you can at least hear her out?

You hate the thought of her worrying about this all by herself.

Except, the last time you tried... It didn't go well.

Maybe you should get someone else to help out. Like Isabeau? He loves romance, and he's super thoughtful! But at the same time, since Mira doesn't want romance for herself, he might not be able to sympathize with her problems.

Then maybe Odile...? She always says she's not good at feelings talks, but she's very logical. Maybe that's what Mira needs?

...No, you don't think either is a good fit. And Bonnie's out of the question, of course. Bonnie's too young for that, you think, and anyway, they think that all romance is gross. Not exactly the sort of audience that Mirabelle needs right now.

Oh well. If talking to Mirabelle goes poorly, you can always loop - oh, no, you can't.

...Um.

You can always apologize! And if you're really, really careful, maybe you won't mess up at all. For once.

You make your way to where Mirabelle's wandered off, silently vowing to keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Absolutely no spoilers, and no blinding comments. Just a worried friend who's ready to lend an ear to whatever troubles she may have!

Mirabelle perks up when she sees you. She's sitting in the grass, legs crossed and resting against a tree. There are no papers in sight.

"Hi Siffrin!" she says, smiling brightly. "Did you come by to hang out?"

You hesitate. Where's the papers?

After a moment, you shrug. "Kind of. I was... worried?"

"Huh? Worried about what?"

"You just seemed sort of distracted lately," you say, plopping down beside her. "Anything I can help with?" There, that's familiar territory. You're good at helping! Usually.

"Oh!" She raises a hand to her mouth, brows furrowing. "...Ooh, was I that obvious?"

You don't nod, because that feels mean, but she probably sees it on your face. She groans.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to... I was just thinking, that's all!" Mirabelle pauses for a moment, her teeth worrying at her lip. "Um, can I ask you something? About your cloak?"

You feel hollow.

You don't let the pit in your stomach show on your face as you chirp, "If I remember!"

"It's nothing bad," Mirabelle says quickly. "I just-! Well, um, you've offered all of us your cloak before, haven't you? During our journey?"

Well... yeah. You did. Before you realized none of them wanted anything to do with your cloak.

You shrink into the collar of your new cloak - thank the stars that Isabeau had thought to include a wonderfully big, shrink-behind-able collar - and try not to look too embarrassed. "I did," you mumble, hoping desperately that she's not somehow still mad about it.

Mirabelle looks... uneasy?

Then she says, "Does that mean we all unknowingly rejected you before?"

They did, but they shouldn't feel bad about it! They're not required to follow your every whim and desire, and just because you wanted them to accept your cloak doesn't mean that they had to.

In fact, you're pretty sure that forcing your cloak on someone is bad manners.

Which is why you never brought the topic up ever again.

You almost nod, but then you pause. Mira's mouth is quirked at the edges, like she's trying not to... laugh? At you?

"I can't believe you had a crush on Odile," she adds, and.

That's. The Vaugardian word for romantic attraction. Isn't it? Like when Isa liked you, he called it a 'crush'...

Wait... You feel your brain screech to a halt as you finally process Mirabelle's words.

Oh! No! No no no!

You shake your head furiously.

"It's not like that!" you yelp. You can feel your face burning at the thought of - of trying to court your family! Sure, you're bonded with Isabeau now, but just imagining anyone else is - no! "It was different," you continue urgently, turning to face Mira. "It was a gesture, not a proposal!"

Mirabelle blinks. "Ah - a what?"

Oh stars. Oh STARS.

You lurch to your feet, remembering that Mirabelle doesn't want romance. But - Mirabelle thinks you had confessed to her. You're so blinding stupid!

"It's like - it's like hugs!" you say, scrambling to explain. "Um, like when you and Isa and Bonbon hug! It's not, it's not a proposal, not in that context! There's a right way to propose, there's a ceremony and everything, you have to make your intentions clear or otherwise it's, it's not! It's not a confession!"

Mira's eyes are wide. "Oh," she says, blinking rapidly. "Oh, so - huh! So it's, um, something you can do with friends too?"

You nod quickly.

You wrack your brain for a way to explain, and end up telling her, "It's kind of a way to comfort each other, or to just... hold each other? Like if, uh, if you handed me your cloak, then I'd know you're offering it to me for a little while, and then it'd be like I'm carrying around a piece of you."

Honestly, if Isa had just been lending you something to wear, you wouldn't have thought twice about it.

But he made a cloak! Just for you! You couldn't not ask him, not after that. It was - it was more than a loan. More than a bit of comfort. It was too momentous of an occasion; if that wasn't a proposal, then... you're not sure what is.

"Oh!" Mirabelle considers this for a bit. The tensions leaks from her shoulders as she smiles at you. "So cloaks are important in your culture?"

Relief floods you. She gets it now, you think, which means she's not mad at you anymore. Or at least, she's not uncomfortable.

"Yeah, of course," you tell her, grinning. "They're..."

You trail off slowly, remembering that... well, it's a secret. And you trust Mira, you do! But...

...

As the silence stretches on, Mira starts to look confused. You wink and say, "They've always got it covered!"

Mira stares at you.

"You might even say," you continue, lips quirking into a smile, "we've wrapped up this mystery?"

Her eyes are narrowing. "Siffrin..." she says slowly, but wait! You've got one more!

"It's a touching moment," you say, fully grinning now. "I'm feeling all cloaked up!"

Mirabelle groans. "Siffrin!" she complains, but she's smiling as she does so. Mission accomplished!

You ignore the sinking in your stomach. You know that you're not supposed to lie anymore. Keeping secrets bottled up only leads to bad things, your family has told you this over and over.

It's just... you don't want to be hated.

[Chorus]

Before you joined Mirabelle's party, you were a wanderer. You lived on the road, did odd jobs for a living, and generally never belonged anywhere.

Not many places were particularly kind to you. Even with your hair dyed and your voice quieted to a whisper, you always tended to stick out like a sore thumb. Whether it was your clothing, your habits, or even the soft trace of an accent, something gave you away every single time.

But even being treated like a foreigner was better than being treated like a monster.

Once, you made the mistake of slipping into your sealskin while people were around. They saw your legs become a tail and your face stretch into something new, and they called you a monster. They chased you down the river until you managed to get away, throwing rocks and cursing your existence.

That wasn't in Vaugarde. You don't think Vaugardians would go so far as to throw rocks at someone, no matter how hateful.

But you know better than to find out.

You've never given them reason to call you a monster. As long as you keep your sealskin close, call it a "cloak," and pretend you're absolutely normal, then you're safe, right?

Of course, you've already spectacularly failed at pretending to be normal - the whole "nearly destroying the world" thing ruined your chances of that.

But you can still pretend to not be a monster. Not one that's born monstrous, made irredeemable by your very existence. And maybe, just maybe, you can get away with it. If the Universe wills it...

[Scene 2]

The sight of your cloak on Isabeau is making your stomach do flips.

It's a little embarrassing, how all you have to do is catch sight of the pale garment draped over his shoulder and suddenly there's heat rising in your face. Isabeau had done his best to modify it to match his outfit without actually altering the fabric - he'd been afraid of ruining the Crafted stitching - and that thoughtfulness is just... It's almost overwhelming.

You snuggle into your new cloak as you walk. Isabeau had done well! It's nice and cool. He told you that he'd tried to Craft the same effects as your old cloak when he stitched this one together.

It's not perfect, he said, because he's still practicing putting intent into fabric while working with it, but you feel the love he put into it.

You feel loved.

[Scene 3]

You'd never gotten the hang of fishing with a rod when you were in Dormont (honestly you hadn't tried very hard in the first place) but out here, with your dagger, it's not so hard. You wait by the river, mindful of your shadow, and strike when a flash of silver darts by.

One, two, three. The fish in Vaugarde aren't so far as you'd like, clearly not cultivated for people to eat, but you don't mind. It's a challenge, and moreover, a rewarding one. Fish tastes good, after all! Fresh, grilled, fried, or ground into soup... Your stomach growls just thinking about it.

Eventually, you've caught enough. And the fish are starting to thin out, probably because of all the splashing you've been doing.

You shake out your clothes and sheathe your dagger.

Pulling the fish out of the river is always a bit annoying, but once you've gathered them all up, you set off in the direction of camp. You wonder if Bonnie will try serving a whole fish head again. You don't think they've gotten to do it yet, and you'd skipped that particular snack time most loops... You miss it.

The crackle and snap of the campfire greets you as you enter the clearing. Bonnie perks up when they see you, waving you over. "Frin! Is that fresh fish?!"

"Mmhm, I cleaned them and everything too," you tell them, handing over the fish.

Bonnie nods firmly. "Good! Then tonight's dinner will be... pie!"

Pie?! Isn't that a Vaugardian dessert? Bonnie's going to make pie from fish?!

You glance around, hoping somebody else heard. But everyone else is busy with chores and whatnot, which... ugh, you don't want to be the one to question Bonnie's cooking. But... fish pie... Maybe it's like potpie?

That's - that's probably it. Okay, phew! You're overreacting.

Except meat pies taste good, but you're not so sure if fish and pastry will go together quite the same way. After all, beef or chicken or even pork is fairly different from fish.

You should probably just ask.

"What kind of pie, Bonnie?" you ask. You're kind of curious, too. You don't think you've run into a fish pie before, but maybe that's because you've never stayed very long in coastal or lakeside towns before.

Although Ka Bue has all kind of fish dishes... it doesn't seem like a pie kind of place - or if it is, you just haven't seen it yet.

"Stargazy pie!" Bonnie says promptly. "I saw the recipe in the last village we passed, so I practiced! It looks real weird!"

Huh. You're looking forward to seeing what it looks like!

[Scene 4]

Bambouche smells like the sea. It's the first thing you notice as you all approach the village. The breeze is uniquely different from the smell of approaching rainstorms or the wet, muddy scent of rivers.

The sea smells salty. You remember a cold, chilling shade and the feeling of seafoam sliding across your skin.

You remember stars.

And then the memory fades, leaving you with echoes that you know better than to try and force back to the surface. The loss aches, but the memories hurt badly enough that you can't bring yourself to try. Not for now, at least.

Bonnie takes you all excitedly to their house, whereupon a young woman who looks a lot like Bonnie, but taller and stronger, opens the door. She breaks down crying at the sight of Bonnie, which causes Bonnie to cry too - but angrily, because preteens hate crying - and there are several awkward minutes where the rest of you are trying not to intrude on the moment.

Odile opens a book. Mirabelle is shifting, gaze flitting across the landscape as if deeply interested in the surrounding buildings. You decide to stare at a rock. You're pretty sure Isabeau is just waiting to dole out hugs.

After a little while of rocking and crying and hugging, Petronille sniffs and wipes her eyes, standing. She's holding Bonnie in her arms, who's still got a good hold on her neck. "Sorry," she says, voice cracking. "Thank you so much... Thank you for bringing them back."

"Oh! Of course!" Mirabelle says.

Odile snaps her book shut. "We were happy to," she says.

You smile along with everyone else. You are happy to see the siblings reunited. You do your best to act as happy as you know you should be.

[Chorus]

If Bonnie is not allowed to travel with you, what will you do?

You'll have to learn how to say good-bye.

Loop made you promise. You can't make any more wishes. You can't hold on so tightly to the people you love to the point where the Universe itself begins to crumble.

You've been trying not to think about it. Maybe, just maybe, Nille will let Bonnie travel with you all! Heck, maybe Nille will come along too!

But... But she seemed so relieved to see Bonnie alive and well. She was so, so happy.

The sort of happy that's filled with relief. Petronille must have been so scared. After unfreezing and discovering her little sibling was gone, what must she have thought...? She must have been so worried.

You should be happy that Bonnie is so loved. You should be grateful that they have somewhere to go home to. You should...

You shouldn't feel the way you do.

[Scene 5]

Dinner approaches, and so, preparations begin. Nille wraps up some fish and begins grilling it for all of you. Isabeau and Odile go to the market to buy some extra food. None of you want to eat Nille out of house and home, after all, even if she's the one insisting on a celebratory feast.

Bonnie's in their element, darting from the kitchen to the front room and back again, helping with preparations and chattering on about their home.

Nille teases them about their excitement. Bonnie snarks back about their sappiness. It's all incredibly domestic. Heartwarming, even.

While Mirabelle helps set the table, you—

You help out where you can.

[Scene 6]

The sound of your friends' snoring follows you as you quietly creep outside. The floors are creaky, but you step carefully, already used to it from the afternoon spent helping out with dinner. As long as you stick close to the walls, and avoid the corners, you can avoid making too much noise.

You slip into the cool night air, your cloak wrapped around your shoulders. Thanks to Isabeau's Craft, the cloak keeps you from shivering.

Isabeau's Craft does more than he realizes.

It's not just temperature, or size-adjustment, or even sturdiness. You remember, now, what the rest of the Craft was for, the stitching that even the clothing-inclined Isabeau couldn't quite puzzle out. It's what allows you to return to the ocean, slip on your sealskin, and become...

You frown at the waves. Maybe it would have been better if Isabeau hadn't lovingly recreated every single Crafted stitch from your old cloak. Maybe, if he'd just taken your sealskin and given you ordinary cloth in return, the sea wouldn't be so tempting right now.

Stars glitter overhead as you cross the beach. Gritty sand transitions into dark rocks, slick with seawater and algae. You clamber over them, holding your breath even as the crashing waves drown out whatever sounds you might be making.

It's been so long since you've seen the ocean. Even longer since you were close enough to touch it.

The cloak shimmers as you clutch it close. You can feel the way it hugs your body. The sea spray leaves small beads of water scattered across surface of the fabric, a reflection of the stars above.

One last breath, the taste of salt filling your lungs.

Then you pull the sealskin over your head and dive off the rocks, plunging into the dark waters below.

Bubbles rush past you, your momentum taking you far below the surface.

Underwater, the crashing waves are muffled. A murky silence reigns as your cloak billows around you. With a kick of your legs, you spin, twisting your cloak around your body. You wrap it tighter and tighter, bundling yourself in a new layer of fat and skin and whiskers.

When you break the surface of the water once more, you are something new.

[Chorus]

Sometimes, you see that strange, cold shade in your dreams.

You're not sure how to describe it. The knowledge of it seems to slip from your grasp when you try. It feels, painfully, like your native language - something that will forever remain unknowable.

But sometimes you try to know it anyway.

You have to try. The language of your home is legible if you hold the words in your head just right. The motions you go through to wish, to speak to the Universe, to pay respect to the stars - all of that is knowable. It has to be.

So you find yourself trying to know this strange shade too. Why not? Maybe it's worth knowing. Maybe it's worth remembering.

It's one of those "colors;" you've guessed that much. You wish you had more words to describe it. The nuances of the shade are like nothing you've ever seen before. When you look at it, you think...

It feels like your rotten, horrid self that took on the House of Change all by yourself and nearly won.

It feels like the sound of Loop's voice as they admitted everything they had done, and everything they would do if you let them.

It feels like the passive, uncaring expanse of the Universe that watches you from above.

It feels like... the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean, just waiting to devour you whole.

You see that strange shade in your dreams, sometimes. Lately, it's been only nightmares, disguised as memories. Sleeping is nice, despite it all; at least you can wake up from it now.

[Scene 7]

"Hey, is it okay if I touch you for a sec?" Nille says.

It's completely out of the blue. You're surprised, at first, because your friends normally just... don't touch you. Ever. But you remember Bonnie telling you about this - back when you could count the loops on both hands - and you decide that this must be normal.

After a moment, where you take the time to think it over, you nod. If it's only for a little bit, then you don't mind. It's easier when you're expecting it, anyway!

Nille grins and reaches out, taking one of your hands to flip it palm-side up. "Your gloves are super cool! Where'd you get them from?"

Oh! That's an easy one!

"A costumer in Poteria," you say, smiling at her. "They were selling merchandise from one of my favorite plays!"

Nille raises an eyebrow. "Huh. Pretty good quality for a costume," she says appreciatively, dropping your hand. "No wonder you snagged a set!"

"I couldn't pass it up," you tell her. "And look!" You spread out your hands as if putting them on display. "They fit like a glove!"

Nille snorts. "Nice one."

Bonnie turns around immediately. They'd been at the front of the group, talking to Odile about rations and such, but the sound of Nille's laughter instantly grabbed their attention. "What? What happened?" they demand.

"Oh, Bonnie!" Nille says, sounding far too delighted. You're learning that sisters are like that. They tease each other as much as they love each other, and they love each other a whole lot. "You never told me that your friend here is so punny!"

A collective groan rises from the group while Isabeau laughs. You laugh too.

You're grateful that Nille decided to join you all on your journey. She's super nice, and relaxing too, despite how blunt and loud she can be. Plus, it turns out that Nille's an old hand at camping; you sense a story there, but it's not yours to ask after.

Traveling along the coast to Jouvente might be fun after all!

There's more of you in your little group.

Less to worry about, somehow.

Funny how life works out that way.

[Scene 8]

The fight leaves you battered and bruised. Normally, you'd have finished off those Sadnesses in a heartbeat, but... Well, none of your companions have seen you go all out just yet. You're sure they've guessed that you're stronger, but you're afraid to show them how by much.

Unfortunately, you were too busy trying to hold back. You were careless, and ended up getting hit a bit more than you intended.

Nobody's noticed yet. You took some of the hits that Isabeau normally would, and he gave you a worried glance, but everyone's focused on Mirabelle. She got knocked to the ground while trying to cast a shield spell, and her clothes are covered in mud. Everyone's fussing over her, even as she mostly just looks embarrassed.

You erase the limp from your movements as you make your way over to her. A bubble of light grows in your hands, and you hold it over her wounds.

"Oh! Thank you, Siffrin!" she says, eyes wide. "I didn't know you could use Healing Craft!"

You smile tentatively at her. "No problem," you say.

She and the others start to talk about making camp. After running into such a group of Sadnesses, you're all exhausted. And it's late enough in the day that things like dinner and tents can start to be set up.

You focus on the bubbles of light in your hand. There's something you want to tell Mira. You want to offer your cloak.

Nobody ever wants your cloak.

But they do, you remind yourself. They were just being respectful of your boundaries, like how... How they never touch you. They were just being careful with your cloak.

Your chest aches. What if you offer your cloak and Mira says no? Or, worse, what if she takes it out of pity, and now you've only burdened her?

"Mira," you blurt out.

She turns to you. "Hm?"

"Would you..." Wow! This is embarrassing! You want to bury yourself in a hole and never come out again!... You take a breath. "...want to borrow my cloak?"

Mirabelle tilts her head. "Huh?" she says, but then her eyes widen and start sparkling. "Oh! Oh, of course, I'd love to!"

Relief makes you sink to your knees. Reaching up, you unclasp your cloak, pulling it over your head and settling it around Mira's shoulders. She beams at you, clutching the fabric tightly. "Thank you, Siffrin!"

You nod. You feel lightheaded. Maybe it's because someone accepted you.

It's been a long time since you've been part of a family. A proper one, one that's not lost to the loops or to whatever took away the northern island. Your friends love you, but this feels... It makes your heart ache, but you think it's aching in a good way.

[Scene 9]

Tonight, you leave your bed and head to the shore early, even though you know better.

Normally, you'd wait until you're absolutely certain that everyone's asleep - after all, you don't want to get caught.

But tomorrow, you'll be traveling inland. Jouvente is near the border, and in order to get there, you'll all have to leave the coast behind. Which isn't a problem for anyone else, but you'll miss the sea. It's been nice, slipping into your sealskin while everyone else is asleep. The stars feel so much closer when you're away from the shore.

You got up and quietly picked your way through the sleeping bodies, stepping out onto the sand. You were only thinking about the ocean. The way the cool, cold water would feel as you spun lazily through the waves.

It was only once you were stepping off the rocks that you heard a shout of alarm. You looked back, saw someone - maybe Mirabelle? Or Odile? They were too far away to tell - standing and looking at you.

At you, with your cloak clutched around your shoulders, ready to leap into the water.

You slip, flailing, into the ocean. You're not ready for it, arms out in a way that makes the impact of the water stings painfully. You take a desperate gulp of air as you plunge below the surface, because you can't change, you can't. They saw you go into the water. They mustn't see you reappear as something else.

The ocean is cold at night. It hurts your still-human limbs, making your teeth chatter as you splash back above the surface. Waves batter at your body as you clutch desperately to the rocks.

"-frin?! Hold on-"

Your friends are worried about you. Stupid. You should've waited. Or, better yet, you should've stopped indulging your monstrousness ages ago, before any of this could ever happen.

Human fingers aren't really made for clinging to wet rocks in the dead of night. They're good for holding onto things, sure, but you'd be better off with claws right now.

Or flippers, you think, but you banish that thought instantly.

And then you're not thinking of much at all, because between one wave and the next, you're torn from the rocks. You cry out, choking on water as it pulls you under. You could die. Right now. Your friends might try to save you but you know the strength of the tides and the ocean, you know how little it cares about you and your struggling lungs and gasping breath and...

You reach out, blindly. You don't want to die.

You swim parallel to the shore, a trick you don't remember learning. You veer off in the wrong direction several times, forced to course-correct whenever you pop your head above water and notice the shore is no longer to your left, but you manage to reach a gentle slope where the water meets sand instead of stone. After dragging yourself onto the wet sand, feeling remarkably undignified, you let yourself lie down and try to breathe.

"Siffrin!"

Ah, yes. The consequences of your actions. Congratulations! They don't know you're a monster. Instead, your friends just think you're crazy.

But really, what else is new? Maybe you can spin this as the breakdown that everyone else was probably expecting. You had a nightmare, or couldn't remember where you were, or... Something. Anything but the truth.

You know you're not supposed to lie anymore. You just don't want to be hated.

"Siffrin!" Mirabelle yelps, running over to you and kneeling. Instantly, you feels worse. She's getting her pajamas all dirty because of you. "Are you okay? Are you injured?"

Before you can answer, there's someone else - Odile - standing beside you. "We'll have to dry you off," she says, her voice crisp in the way it gets during emergencies. "You could get hypothermia if we leave you like this. Nille, could you..."

There's someone else again.

Nille is crouching before you, arms resting on her knees. "We're heading back to camp," she tells you. "Is it alright if we carry you?"

You blink at her. Carry you? You can walk, it's fine. If you could just get your legs to move, then...

Nille is closer, now. "I'm going to touch you," she says, reaching out. Slowly, she presses a hand to your forehead.

"Sif, you're freezing."

You are? You feel kind of warm, actually.

"We're going to carry you back to camp and warm you up, okay?"

That doesn't sound too bad, you think. Your eyelids grow heavy, the world blurring and darkening around you. You slump into something soft and warm.

"Should we light the campfire again?"

"In this state, that might be a shock... system..."

"...group hugs..."

"...gather up the blankets... need..."

Someone is carrying you. Looks like you won't be walking after all. It's okay, you think, because you still have your cloak and they don't know you're a monster and it's. Fine, probably.

Later, you discover that your friends basically formed a group hug in bed to help keep you warm. Which is nice! Because it's like a pod, all piled together to keep each other safe. It's the closeness that you crave, it's cozy and comfortable and overwhelming in a good way.

It would have been more nice if you hadn't gotten sick, but. Well.

You endure the lecture about night swimming, offer up some weak excuses, and then everything goes back to normal. You're relieved.

[Chorus]

Somehow, there are always more secrets for you to keep.

Whose grave are you willing to take this one to?

[Scene 10]

You're all stopped by a lakeside town. When the clouds started rolling in, you could have suggested you all turn in for an early night.

You know what rain smells like. You could taste it on the evening air, a slow build of moisture and electricity.

But you didn't say a word.

You've missed the rain.

Everyone decided to stop by a little restaurant with an outdoor seating area. It's covered, of course, but you all get a front-view seat to the drizzling rain that quickly turns into a heavy storm. The breeze kicks up, driving most of the other patrons inside.

"Oh wow!" Mirabelle says, shivering slightly. "I haven't seen rain like this in a while."

"I'm grateful that we're not camping out in this," Odile remarks. "I don't think my bones could handle it."

Nille giggles. "This is the kind of weather that's good for fishing," she reminisces. "Bonnie would always complain about needing to wear ponchos and rain boots, but this is the time when the fish start biting."

"Ponchos are annoying!" Bonnie complains. "But the puddles are fun. And, uh, we get extra fish when it rains, so that's good too I guess."

You glance toward the restaurant interior, where customers are eating fish and chips and bread and all sorts of good-smelling stews. None of your food has arrived yet, and neither has anyone else's. Your stomach twists with hunger.

Isabeau looks thoughtful. "What kind of fish was your favorite?" he asks.

Bonnie screws up their face. "I'd rather have samosas with potatoes," they complain. "Or... rice! Or even pineapples!"

"You like poké," Nille points out.

Bonnie rolls their eyes. "Yeah, but that's different! That's ordinary food. Samosas are awesome.

Nille sighs.

Odile pulls out her notebook. "Poké?" she questions, hesitating slightly on the pronunciation. Her Ka Buan accent hardens the vowels.

Oh! Wait, you know this one!

"It's raw fish, but chopped up and seasoned with sauces and stuff," you tell her. "Like, um... Spicy poké has shoyu, sriracha, and sesame oil! You can make it with 'ahi, and eat it with rice."

Odile's expression lightens with understanding, even as she dutifully writes down the recipe. "I see. So it may be similar to sushi... Interesting. I haven't run into many recipes using rice in Vaugarde."

"It's not too common in Bambouche," Nille says thoughtfully. Which makes sense - you remember that Odile was the one to introduce Bonnie to rice. "But I know, uh, some of the markets used to have them... Now that I'm thinking about it, we haven't had any rice available for years now. I guess they decided not to ship it over anymore?"

You think about the way countries trade things with each other. Food, materials, even knowledge; all of that tends to get around when people are involved.

You forgot you liked rice, before, because Vaugardians seem to prefer bread or potatoes for their starches.

You think about how Bambouche is located in the northernmost part of Vaugarde, and how, if there was any trade between this country and yours, then... Maybe...

The thought fades before you can finish it. You grit your teeth and try to ignore the pit that gnaws at your stomach.

That might be the hunger, actually. How long have you been waiting for your food?

You glance back at the restaurant. It looks busy.

"I suppose I'll go check on the state of our meal," Odile says, standing. "I'd hate for them to have forgotten about us."

"I don't think they'd do that," Mirabelle frets. "Should we wait a bit longer?"

"Hm. Personally, I'm hungry. They shouldn't keep an old lady waiting," Odile says offhandedly. She slips into the restaurant, vanishing into the crowd of customers before you can even blink.

[Scene 11]

The next day, you're all gathered at the lakeshore to fish.

You're still no good with a rod. It probably shows, too, in the way you frown at your hands as you fumble with the line. If only you could use your dagger! But that's not feasible in a lake, where the fish aren't quite so close to the surface.

"I'm glad we can help the restaurant before we go!" Mirabelle says cheerfully, reeling in yet another freshwater fish. A trout, maybe. "It's too bad they ran out last night..."

Of all the classes in the House, there must've been one on fishing. Mira's already got half a cooler, even though you're using the same kind of bait! You're in awe.

Well, you could probably catch some too. If you slipped on your sealskin. You're really fast in the water.

Haha.

That's a joke! You would never. Not in front of your family.

You sigh.

"No luck?" Isabeau asks sympathetically. "It's okay, bud! I think they're all just flocking to Mira."

Like he's one to talk! You can see that there's fish in his cooler too. Only two, but that's still two more than you. Stars, you really don't like fishing with a rod.

"Boniface," Odile says suddenly. "Be careful."

Bonnie scrunches up their face. "None of the fish are biting!" they complain, pulling their rod back and casting their line again. Or... well, they're certainly throwing it, but it's hitting the water so hard that it almost bounces. "Frin's bad luck is rubbing off on me!"

"Hey!" you protest. "It's not my fault!"

"It so is! Look!" Bonnie throws the line out again. "No fish!!"

You pout exaggeratedly.

And then you grin.

"Aw, Bonnie," you say gleefully, "are you... of-FISH-ially done with all this?"

"I'm done with you!!" Bonnie shrieks. They groan, sticking their fishing rod into the ground and stomping to their feet. "I wanna go for a swim instead! Maybe I'll grab a fish and we can all eat it tonight!"

Odile hums idly in acknowledgement from where she was reading her book. She'd refused to fish with you all - something about her bones - and honestly, you're a little jealous. She looks comfortable and unbothered.

Nille opted out too. She said that she's better with a net than a rod.

It's Nille that Bonnie looks to for permission, and the older sister gestures for her to go. "Just don't get your shoes wet!" Nille yells.

Bonnie tosses their hat and shoes on the sand before splashing into the water.

You smile and turn back to your own fishing. Maybe you can get at least one fish...

At least the gentle, rhythmic waves of the lake is soothing to your nerves. Combined with the rustle of the trees and the intermittent chatter of your family... It's peaceful.

Minus the splashing from Bonnie, of course, but you don't mind at all. It's just nice to sit here and relax.

Even though this stupid rod isn't catching any fish at all.

You wish there was some trick to fishing. Like, shaking the rod a certain way, or using a certain type of bait. Or even a Craft for fishing. Promise the fish three things, and one might be silly enough to listen... or... something...

That was oddly specific.

Maybe it was a story? You think you remember something about a fish with three wishes - but that feels dangerous, so you try not to think about it.

Instead, you refocus on the lake. Your family, the forest, the calm, unbroken surface of the water...

...

You're on your feet in a second, fishing rod abandoned as you scan the lake.

Where did Bonnie go?

"Siffrin?!" someone says, but you don't have the attention to spare for them right now.

You cast your gaze around, hoping to see Bonnie, but no. Your kid isn't on the shore somewhere nearby, and you'd think you'd have noticed if they'd wandered off into the forest. They'd have put their hat back on if they did, and it's still there on the sand.

"Have you seen Bonnie?" you manage.

There's a chorus of gasps around you, which only tells you that no one else noticed either. Not even Nille saw anything. They must have all been as relaxed as you, which means whatever happened must have happened quickly, so -

There's a shimmer of movement below the water.

You see darkness roiling in the lake. You see the undulating shape of a Sadness, a single eyeball rolling up in that goopy body to look at you as it sinks further down. Two feet poke out from its clutches, kicking angrily.

You sprint forward and plunge into the water, mind buzzing.

You need to get Bonnie back. They're a good swimmer, but that won't do them any good if the Sadness is holding onto them.

Bubbles fly past your face as you swim down, the water a cold shock to your skin. With one hand, you latch onto the gelatinous body of the Sadness. With the other, you pull your dagger free of its sheathe.

You stab. And stab. And stab.

The Sadness lets out a muffled roar as it twists, dark liquid seeping from the wound.

Your hand slips as the Sadness shakes you off, but you chase it deeper into the lake's depths, doggedly trying to kill it or wound it enough to get at Bonnie. Already, too many seconds have passed. The little, subconscious timer in the back of your head is ticking away, counting down until your precious kid runs out of air.

You catch a glimpse of Bonnie's fists beating at the Sadness' claws. You swipe, but your blade only cuts water.

You're not acting quickly enough.

The Sadness turns to you, eyes wide and hateful as it starts trying to attack. This makes it easier to hit the Sadness, but it's still not dying - you're not exactly practiced at fighting underwater.

You get a better view of Bonnie this way, though.

You desperately reach out, but the Sadness attacks, pushing you away, and you growl in frustration, putting all your effort into just! Attacking! The blinding Sadness!

A watery shriek echoes through your ears as it finally dies, dissolving into the water around you. For a moment, you feel relief.

Then you see Bonnie.

Your kid's body hangs limply in the water. Not fighting or struggling to breathe, just... drifting...

You lunge forward, grabbing Bonnie, but they're heavy. Silt rises around you as you try to kick off from the lake floor, but between your weight and Bonnie's, you're not rising quickly enough.

They're so still. Panic lances through your chest as you realize how cold they are to the touch.

Not Bonnie!

Not again!

Instinctively, you claw at the clasp on your sealskin. You tug it over your head, forcing the Craft to change your body, to turn you into something new - something useful. You hardly wait for your legs to finish fusing into a tail before you're sinking your teeth into the back of your kid's shirt.

With a few flicks of your tail, you pull your kid back to the surface of the lake - are they breathing? You can't tell - and tilt your head at an awkward angle.

It's hard to keep your kid above the water as you swim back to shore, but you've got fins now, and your body is smooth, cutting through the lake with ease. It doesn't take long before you're pulling yourself onto dry land, dragging your kid along with you.

It's okay. It's fine.

You have Bonbon, and they're safe, and you can keep them safe right here. You can protect them. They'll be okay.

[Scene 12]

Bonnie is okay.

Bonnie is okay.

They're asking what the crab is going on and asking why you look like this and asking all sorts of questions. But you can't answer because seals can't talk. It doesn't matter, because Bonnie's okay.

You've got your chin resting on Bonnie to keep them from going anywhere. They tried to stand up earlier and got mad at you when you knocked them back down but it's not safe.

Bonnie is safe when they're with you. So they have to stay right here.

They threw up earlier and cried. It was heartbreaking.

All the water is gone from their lungs though. You think so, anyway. You can't do anything more but as long as they're with you, you know they're safe.

Is water in a person's lungs a bad thing? You can't remember.

Yes, yes it is, because humans can't breathe underwater. You've been human in the water before. It's cold and it hurts. It's scary, even.

"C'mon, Frin, lemme up! It's been like forever!"

A whine rises from your throat. Bonnie has to stay safe. Bonnie has to stay here. You don't know where you are but there could be other Sadnesses nearby, you can't let them out of your sight. Not again.

Bonnie groans. "You're being stupid! And you're heavy!!"

You huff. You're actually being very careful, thank you very much. Just to prove your point, you let your weight drop a little so that you're actually resting on Bonnie's legs.

That causes Bonnie to squeak, which makes you instantly raise your head because what were you thinking?

What if you squished them?!

"Wow!" Bonnie said. Their sticky hands grab at your face. "You're way heavier than Nille! Are you tall, too?! That's not fair, I wanna be tall."

The thought of Bonnie being tall makes you chortle. They'd be such a small seal pup! You wonder what kind of seal they'd be. Would they look like the ones on the north shore of Vaugarde, or the coastal ones found further west? Or maybe little selkie Bonnie would look like your... your...

The memory fades before you can grasp it.

"We gotta go find Nille!" Bonnie insists. "And 'Dile! And 'Za and Belle! I bet they're looking everywhere for us, but they're dumb and probably won't find us for ages."

Odile and Isabeau are very smart, you think. And Mirabelle is resourceful, and Nille is clever. You kind of wonder why they haven't found you yet.

This prompts you to lift your head a bit and look around.

It looks like you and Bonnie are on the far side of the lake. It's a big lake, too. Between the fight with the Sadness and your little 'kidnapping' of Bonnie, you must've made a straight shot across the body of water without even realizing.

...You have to go back. Nille's probably worried sick about Bonnie. Everyone else must be, too.

Did they see you?

Maybe not. Maybe you're still safe. (Maybe they still love you.)

But Bonnie saw you.

Would Bonnie keep your secret?

Preteens are notoriously good at keeping secrets. If you asked, you think Bonnie wouldn't tell. You just don't know if you want to ask that of them. What kind of example would it set if you had a preteen keep a monster a secret from the adults in their life?

You're scared.

[Scene 12]

Nille is scared.

Everyone's been looking for hours, but there's still no sign of Siffrin or her baby sibling.

She knows, she knows that she should have been the first to notice that Bonnie was missing. She should have jumped in after Siffrin while the Sadness was dragging her kid sibling into the depths of the lake. She should have beat the crap out of that Sadness in seconds!

But she froze. She froze, and she hates herself for it, and by the time she'd managed to get her feet under her, both Siffrin and Bonnie had disappeared below the water.

And by the time everyone had managed to gather their weapons, bits of Sadness gunk were floating to the surface of the lake.

It was dead.

And Siffrin and Bonnie were still nowhere to be found.

They've been looking everywhere. Odile and Mirabelle decided to search out on the water in a boat, and she and Isabeau split up to explore the shore. It's getting dark now, and Nille is starting to feel dread creep up her throat.

It's been too long. Bonnie and Siffrin could be dying of cold somewhere. They could be out on the lake, or lost in the forest, or injured and unable to move. They could be dying right now.

And what would she have done? Looked for them after the battle was over?

Nille grits her teeth and continues looking.

The relief that floods her when she sees Bonnie running toward her almost sends her to her knees. She runs forward and meets Bonnie with outstretched arms, sweeping them up into a hug.

"Oh my Change, you're safe," Nille murmurs into Bonnie's hat. "Thank Change, you're okay."

"Of course I was okay! Frin was there!" Bonnie said grumpily. "Lemme go, Nille. I'm hungry."

Nille simply adjusts her grip, unwilling to let go just yet. She faces Siffrin as he approaches, and notices his appearance for the first time. Siffrin is soaking wet, the same as Bonnie, but their face is oddly downcast.

Nille steps forward, concerned. "Hey, you okay?" she asks. "Any injuries or anything?"

"I threw up," Bonnie announces.

"I'm okay," Siffrin says quietly.

Nille doesn't believe that Siffrin's okay. Now that she's getting a better look at them, they look... really shaken. But then again, they did just defeat a huge crabbing Sadness that was lurking beneath the lake. So she totally understands.

Nille sets Bonnie down and makes sure to hold their hand.

"I'm not a kid, Nille," Bonnie complains, but they still hold on. Tightly, even, and Nille simply tightens her grip back.

Then Nille holds out her other hand to Siffrin.

He stares at her hand blankly.

Nille hates to pull this card, but desperate times call for desperate measures. "I'd like to hold your hand," she says calmly, "because I've been thinking that you and Bonbon were dead for the past few hours and I really need it. Just until we get back to the others."

Siffrin is staring at her, now.

"Please," Nille adds.

Hesitantly, they take her hand in theirs. Their hand is trembling, so Nille makes sure her grip is firm before they all set off together. She remembers exactly where the meet-up spot is, and they're going to get there in one piece if she and her hammer has anything to say about it.

[Scene 13]

Everyone is so worried when you and Bonnie and Nille return. They're wrapping you and Bonnie in blankets and fussing over the fire. Someone's pressing a mug of hot chocolate into your hands.

They... really didn't see you.

You thought maybe Nille wasn't saying anything because she was too relieved about Bonnie being safe. But this proves it. Everyone's still trying to take care of you, even when you're a monster.

And then Bonnie says, loudly and cheerfully, "And then Frin turned into this big seal thing! And he swam us both to shore! It was so cool!"

Even with all the warmth surrounding you, you suddenly feel very, very cold.

"A seal thing?" Odile echoes, sounding interested.

You can't look at her.

"It was like... I dunno, one of those monk seals? They visit Bambouche sometimes, but Nille said I can't touch 'em because they're super rare or something."

"They're endangered," Nille says.

Bonnie says, "Yeah, that."

You've... never heard of that before. You knew there were seals on the coast, you've been around Vaugarde before. But you've never heard anyone call the seals by a name, and you've never heard of them being endangered.

Your hand makes its way to the hem of your own sealskin, clutching it nervously. Before you can second-guess yourself, you ask, "Why are they endangered?"

Nille frowns. It's a thoughtful sort of frown. "I'm not really sure," she says. "I think there were more, before, but... something... happened?"

Odile is looking at you now. Scary.

"Do you think," she says, almost delicately, "that some of them may have disappeared along with the island north of Vaugarde? They could have used the beaches as one of their resting grounds."

Oh.

Oh.

You kind of feel nauseated at the thought. It's not the usual headache you get from thinking about the island. But the idea of all those seals, vanished for eternity—

It's. It's sad.

You refuse to think about this anymore. You don't need a headache when you're still shivering from being wet for so long.

Which is good because the conversation's moved on without you. You try to refocus.

"...haven't seen monk seals in ages, though," Nille is saying. Uh oh. "What do you mean, Siffrin turned into one? Were they swimming like one?"

Bonnie shook their head. "Nuh-uh! They turned into one! Right Frin?"

All eyes land on you. Oh stars. Oh no.

You shrink into your blankets. Maybe, if you're quiet, they'll stop looking at you?

But you can't leave Bonnie hanging. They really hate it when adults treat them like they're stupid or they're lying. You can sympathize. Adults used to do that to you, too.

"...Yes," you manage.

"That's so cool," Isabeau whispers.

Mirabelle's eyes are shining.

Okay. Not the reaction you were expecting. Those two have always had different reactions than what you'd expect, though, so maybe you should have expected them to have unexpected reactions... That doesn't even make sense.

You glance at Odile. She already writing in her notebook, muttering something to herself. You're kind of worried about that.

Then you look at Nille. She just looks confused.

Okay.

Nobody's yelling at you. Yet.

This is... good! Maybe.

Nausea makes your throat tighten at the thought. You really shouldn't keep lying to yourself like that.

"I've never heard of anyone turning into a seal," Odile says suddenly. She's looking at you again, eyes intense and focused. "Is it a literal, physical transformation? Is there a catalyst? I assume you did this in order to make sure you and Boniface were safe, but I could be wrong."

Your mouth is dry. What do you say? What should you say? Should you even say anything?!

Unbidden, your last conversation with Loop comes to mind.

Be honest.

You decide to try.

"I'm a selkie," you tell them. You didn't always know this, but you learned a lot about yourself while you were traveling alone. And everything else, you managed to learn in the House, in the books that no one else could read. "Selkies have two forms. My other form is a seal."

Belatedly, you realize you didn't technically answer any of Odile's questions. You try again. "My sealskin helps me change. I... I only did it because... Bonbon was..."

It's hard to continue, so you stop.

"That's just like a book I read!" Mirabelle suddenly blurts out. You almost jump, startled. "Sorry, sorry, but I think I read about this before! Um, it was one of the earlier books of... Ugh, I can't remember the name right now, but it was a story about a fisherman and a fairy. And the fairy had this really pretty... cloak? I think it was made out of feathers, but she couldn't transform without it, and the fisherman... gave it back after..."

Mirabelle slowly trails off as she realizes that everyone is staring at her. She laughs awkwardly. "It's not exactly the same, but, I thought it? Sounded kind of similar?"

Odile nods. "That's an old folktale from Ka Bue," she says. "The fairy can't fly without her cloak, and when the fisherman gives it back, she flies back into the sky."

"I can't swim without my cloak either," you say without thinking.

"We've seen you swim before," Isabeau points out.

"Yeah, but it's hard," you complain.

Nille shakes her head. "Swimming is easy!" she says. "How do you swim, then?"

You remember what you're all talking about. "Uh..."

"I'd be interested in seeing it sometime," Odile says. She's writing in her notebook again. "If you're fine with that."

Everybody else is nodding. Bonnie's fallen asleep by now, having lost interest in the conversation ages ago, but everyone else is just... acting normally. They're still treating you the same as ever.

...

...Maybe... maybe you'll be okay after all?