Chapter Text
Still Remains
“Our bed we live, our bed we sleep.
Making love and I become you.
Flesh is warm with naked feet.
Stabbing thorns and you become me.
Oh, I’d beg for you.
Oh, you know I’d beg for you.
Pick a song and sing a yellow nectarine.
Take a bath, I’ll drink the water that you leave.
If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend.
Pick a flower, hold your breath and drift away.”
Two Weeks After the Guanyin Temple
Guìyuè
Wei Wuxian felt awkward meeting Lan Xichen’s gaze. The Zongzhu’s usually warm, brown eyes were dull, as if all joy had been leeched from them, rimmed in red, suggesting he had been crying for an extended period of time. The sockets seemed sunken back and as dark as bruises; the lids puffy and swollen. It was clear that this man was not obtaining much rest. The pallor of the First Jade of Lan was alarmingly pale (more so than his standard fair complexion warranted), and his skin looked waxy, as if he were not getting fresh air. These details made the gleaming of his perfectly placed silver guan and impeccable robes all the more alarming. It was without a doubt that Lan Xichen was not well but forcing himself to go through the motions.
Which made Wei Wuxian feel even more guilty. This was not the time for this. He should not be the cause of this. But he sat at his Zhiji’s side, unable to prevent the landslide that threatened to bury them all in the debris of all the secrets that had been unearthed at the Guanyin Temple. Wei Wuxian was tearing another family apart when he knew he was not worth the torment.
“There is a cabin, deep in Gusu, going towards Lanling,” Lan Xichen began, his dead eyes locked on his brother’s. “It’s not much. It won’t be an easy thing, but it’s safe and well-hidden,” the First Jade continued. “There is a village about an hour away by sword, but little else. You can go there for whatever supplies you might need.”
Wei Wuxian wanted to shake his head no. He wanted to shake his Zhiji no. He wanted to scream, but no one was listening to him. Lan Zhan did not deserve to be ostracized because of him once again. Zewu-Jun should not look so utterly broken and exhausted because his brother was being sent away. And when everyone truly needed him.
“Give it a month. Maybe two. I’m sure I can smooth things over by then,” Lan Xichen said, his tone doing very little to inspire confidence in his statements. “You can send me messages in the village. There’s only one inn there, but they send post once a week.”
“Xiong-Zhang,” Lan Zhan stated in his steady and deep voice. He bowed low to his brother, his Zongzhu, before rising to his feet.
Wei Wuxian scrambled to offer his own quick bow, eyes wide with disbelief over the situation. This was all his fault. Again.
“Wei-Gongzi,” Lan Xichen called, just as Wei Wuxian had turned his back to the Zongzhu to follow Lan Zhan. He spun around quickly, Lan Zhan following suit. “Take care of Wangji,” was all that was said, though it was clear that it took the last of Lan Xichen’s strength to say those few words. It wouldn’t have taken much to tip over the broken Zongzhu then. Wei Wuxian could probably do it with ruthless words alone. But he had no desire to. Even if Lan Xichen could not solve Lan Zhan’s problems right then and there, he was still making an effort. He just had no strength, no will, no hope, no teeth in the fight.
“Of course, Zewu-Jun,” was all that Wei Wuxian could utter, offering another quick bow before following Lan Zhan, hard on his heels. What had they done?
***
Wei Wuxian sighed loudly as he walked beside Lan Zhan, shifting his pack on his back at a more comfortable angle, ashamed that he was already feeling fatigued in his reduced state. Both men had loaded qiankun pouches in addition to their packs, filled with clothing, toiletries, paper and ink, books, and food. Lan Zhan also had some coin, but seeing as they were roughing it indefinitely, they had opted to take as many supplies from the Jingshi as possible. Wei Wuxian supposed that if push came to shove, they could Night Hunt in exchange for coin or meals.
They left the Lan steads behind at the last town they had passed through, paying a young man to return them to Yunshen Buzhichu—the last town they would pass through on their way to this cabin in the middle of nowhere. Zewu-Jun had warned that there would not be anywhere to stable horses, not to mention the expense of their upkeep. Wei Wuxian felt the usual guilt that came with this new body that he inhabited. Mo Xuanyu had been a delicate man with an extremely weak Core. So, even though Wei Wuxian was no stranger to Bichen, flying by sword had not been an option with all the packs they carried between themselves. It would be too dangerous.
“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked in his laconic tone. Wei Wuxian had begun to pride himself with being able to decipher the different “Wei Ying’s” that his Zhiji breathed into the world. So, he knew this “Wei Ying” meant he wanted to know why he had sighed, but it was also guarded because Lan Zhan knew why Wei Wuxian had sighed.
“Nothing, Lan Zhan. I’m good,” Wei Wuxian answered, knowing that he was hardly fooling either of them with his lying and that he was about to be assaulted with a deep searching gaze from amber-colored eyes that he had zero tolerance against.
Lan Zhan turned to face him with the eyes. Fuck. There went Wei Wuxian’s defense, like a rock shooting clean through a sheet of paper.
“I mean,” Wei Wuxian began with another sigh. “What is there to say? After decades of whatever the hell flirting game we were playing at, we confess our mutual feelings to one another and now you are getting kicked out of Yunshen Buzhichu unless you give me up,” Wei Wuxian explained, feeling a hot sting in his dark eyes from his anger towards the Lan Elders. “It’s just not how I imagined our confession going, is all. We shouldn’t have asked to marry,” he finished, looking down at his feet, fists clenching the strap of his travel pack.
A strong and cool hand lifted his face up by his chin. There were the eyes again, doing their searching thing. Wei Wuxian tried to smile, but it was a pathetic display. Lan Zhan’s hand slid upwards, cupping Wei Wuxian’s face, thumb swiping at a tear that had managed to escape.
“Wei Ying deserves better than this. And it’s exactly why we left. I am sorry that our union is not a more joyful event,” Lan Zhan said. “But I need you to actually hear me when I tell you that I have no regrets.”
“No regrets? How can you not have regrets? Your Xiong-Zhang is so defeated, Lan Zhan. How could you bear to see it? And what of A-Yuan? That sweet child is going to come home and wonder where you’ve gone. He doesn’t deserve to have family go missing on him yet again,” Wei Wuxian argued with heat.
“Xiong-Zhang will recover in time. My being there cannot escalate that process for him. And it may do him good to have a distraction from his thoughts. I left word with Jingyi. Sizhui will know the truth and how to find us. He is still with Wen Qionglin; he is not alone.”
Wei Wuxian closed his eyes to escape the forceful gaze of his Zhiji. His stomach was tied in knots from this, and he felt so tired. So ready to give up.
“Wei Ying, this won’t be forever. Please, don’t plague your mind with it,” Lan Zhan insisted. Wei Wuxian could feel his Zhiji lean in closer to his face, the heat between them trapped. Uncertain lips pressed against his own, not only from lack of skill but from assessing Wei Wuxian’s interest in such an act.
They had only shared their first kiss two days ago. Or first kisses, rather. The confession had sort of just burbled up from Wei Wuxian a week into their return from the Guanyin Temple. Wei Wuxian had followed the Lan Clan all the way to Yunshen Buzhichu, wondering the entire journey when Lan Qiren was going to ask him to stop following them. But the old man never did. Wei Wuxian was unsure if Lan Zhan’s constant standing at his side and harsh glares directed at anyone who communicated with his Zhiji (aside from the juniors, of course) had done the trick or not. But they had made it to Yunshen Buzhichu all the same.
There had been a debate amongst the Elders on whether Lan Xichen should go into Seclusion or not, and whether Lan Wangji should step in as Zongzhu until he returned. There had also been correspondence from the Greater and Lesser Clans, inquiring about what was to come of the Xiandu role. A few had expressed interest in Lan Zhan taking on that role. Lan Zhan had been communicating this to Wei Wuxian in the Jingshi after a long day with the Elders when Wei Wuxian suddenly blurted out his confession.
“Lan Zhan!” he had almost shouted as soon as it seemed like Lan Zhan was actually thinking about accepting the Xiandu role. “I think you should know that I am in love with you,” he yelled, eyes wide in shock, the same as Lan Zhan.
“As… a friend?” Lan Zhan had managed after ten painful seconds. Wei Wuxian’s heart rose and was pounding in his throat then, choking him. He pondered how he had misinterpreted Lan Zhan’s feelings. Just because he treated Wei Wuxian differently than all others, it did not follow that it was due to that sort of love. Wei Wuxian was his only friend after all. He must have been reading too much in between the lines…
Wei Wuxian felt like agreeing with the question to salvage their friendship, but he found that he could not. After his previous life being destroyed from his keeping of secrets, he wanted this new life to operate differently. He was suddenly fascinated with the thought of Lan Zhan knowing the depths of his feelings.
So, he shook his head no and tried to swallow down his gathering sorrow to allow words to pass. “You are my dearest friend, and I do love you as such. But my feelings run deeper than that,” he had managed to get out almost like the adult man that he was.
Lan Zhan looked like he was shaking, his amber eyes gathering tears but completely silent.
“Aiya, Lan Zhan. Can’t you see that I am in love with you romantically? Can’t you see that I always want to be by your side? I love you and am in love with you. Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang-Jun, you, you, you.”
Lan Zhan let out a cry then, tears running down his face as he lunged into Wei Wuxian who had thankfully been sitting. Wei Wuxian found himself encircled in Lan Zhan’s strong arms, tighter than all the other times that Lan Zhan had held him when he passed out or got injured. Wei Wuxian could feel tears against his neck and hair while Lan Zhan’s back racked from sobs.
“Is that okay?” Wei Wuxian finally managed to ask, having been stunned by the reaction. He hesitantly lifted his own arms to wrap around Lan Zhan’s back. Lan Zhan pulled away so that they could see one another’s faces, glittering trails of tears streaming from his beautiful eyes.
“Wei Ying. I love you too. Have loved you since the beginning. Will always love you,” Lan Zhan answered, his voice just above a whisper and almost reverent. And then he did the unthinkable and smiled wide. “So, it is okay.”
Wei Wuxian’s uncertainty melted away and he flashed a huge and relieved grin, dark eyes squinting. His heart returned to his chest where it was pounding so loud that he thought Lan Zhan must be able to hear it. “Oh,” he simply said, before slowly closing in on Lan Zhan’s face. Lan Zhan’s eyes widened again before he closed them as their lips met gently. They spent the next few minutes exchanging mostly chaste kisses, both giddy and excited from the wholly new experience. So excited that they rushed off to see the Lan Elders so that they could be wed.
And now they stood alone in a desolate forest, all of Lan Zhan’s possessions that they could carry split between them, sharing a sad kiss. “Wei Ying, please try and put Lan Clan affairs aside for now. You did not ask to be brought back into this realm, into this conflict. You should be able to choose what you want for your new life. Who you want in it. What you are willing to care about. You have done enough, again. What do you want?” Lan Zhan asked.
“You,” practically jumped from Wei Wuxian’s lips. The answer was easy. It was so simple. There was nothing truer in the realm. “I just want you.”
“You have me. Always,” Lan Zhan said, leaning in for another soft kiss. Wei Wuxian let his pack fall from his back in a noisy clamor as he dove forward into Lan Zhan’s arms, pushing himself upwards on his tiptoes, and deepening their kiss. He licked the soft seam of his Zhiji’s lips, which made them open in surprise, allowing Wei Wuxian to lick his way into Lan Zhan’s mouth. Wei Wuxian had no idea what he was doing, never having kissed anyone before Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan’s moan of approval encouraged Wei Wuxian’s antics, and he soon found Lan Zhan’s tongue in his own mouth. The kiss grew less sloppy the more minutes that passed. Wei Wuxian now found himself pressed against a pine tree, the bark painfully digging into his back as Lan Zhan seemed determined to meld their bodies into one. Wei Wuxian was so turned on, and based off the warm hardness digging into his thigh, Lan Zhan was as well. But he managed to tear his mouth away from his Zhiji at last.
“Wait, Lan Zhan,” he gasped breathlessly. Lan Zhan’s golden gaze was more intense than anything he’d ever seen from the man. Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure if he had all his reasoning about him at present. “Shouldn’t we find the cabin first? It’s getting dark and, I don’t know? Do you want to walk around in sticky pants?” Wei Wuxian questioned, knowing where their make out session would lead. Lan Zhan’s earlobes flushed red as he straightened up and backed away from his Zhiji slightly.
“My apologies,” he stated, still trying to get his face under control.
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh, a real one. He felt good. He hadn’t for days. Lan Zhan’s eyes seemed to soften from the sight and sound of it. “I don’t want you to apologize, Lan Zhan. I just don’t want to walk around in the dark with come in my pants. We can save that for tonight,” Wei Wuxian teased, winking an eye and blowing a kiss to the taller man.
He tracked the bobbing of Lan Zhan’s throat as he swallowed. “As Wei Ying wishes.”
“Lan Zhan! You have no shame!” Wei Wuxian declared, still smiling as he picked up his abandoned pack, pine needles and dirt clinging to where it had rested. “Seriously though, thank you. And I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian stated, slightly bowing his head.
“For what?” Lan Zhan immediately asked, concern creasing his brow. Wei Wuxian grabbed his Zhiji’s hands and held them tightly between his own. Mo Xuanyu’s hands were much smaller and more delicate than Lan Zhan’s. Not at all strong and hardened like Wei Wuxian’s had been on his original body. He wondered what it would have been like to hold onto Lan Zhan’s hands back then, during his first life.
“I am sorry that I have not allowed us to enjoy this. I was just worried about you. I have cut ties to my family before, and I have had regrets. I would never want that for you,” Wei Wuxian answered truthfully.
Lan Zhan clenched Wei Wuxian’s hands tightly. “I too have lived with regret—for sixteen years. Longer actually. I did not choose you last time, Wei Ying. This time, there can be no other choice for me. How many chances do people get? I will not waste another,” Lan Zhan vowed. It was unusual for Lan Zhan to use so many words to communicate, which could only mean that he thought it incredibly important for Wei Wuxian to understand what he was saying.
“And…” Wei Wuxian started, promptly closing his mouth.
“And?” Lan Zhan pressed.
“And you really think I am worth it?” Wei Wuxian finally whispered the quiet part that had been plaguing his heart and mind for days.
“There is nothing more worthy of my attention than our love. I promise you that will never change.”
Wei Wuxian sobbed out a “Lan Zhan!” before jumping back into his Zhiji’s arms.
***
Clearing up their misunderstanding had prevented them from finding the cabin before nightfall, but they did manage to locate it with the help of a cloud-shaped jade charm Lan Xichen had given Lan Zhan that glowed an aquamarine blue when they traveled in the correct direction. The darkness of the forest made the cabin creepy. The spiderwebs and disrepair of the structure could have also been a factor.
“Lan Zhan, what is this place?” Wei Wuxian questioned after they managed to forcibly push the door open. The frame was warped. Together they activated Fire Talismans, carefully holding them with outstretched hands to get a clear view of the small accommodations. “Oh! There’s a lantern!” Wei Wuxian called, heading over creaky, wooden floorboards to a dusty table with a dusty lantern, a dusty cobweb connecting it to the ceiling. He quickly got it lit with a Fire Talisman and then spun around for another look at the room.
“Whoa. We are going to have some major cleaning tomorrow, aren’t we?” Wei Wuxian observed with raised brows. “At least it’s small,” he added, walking the length of the room in eight strides. “What does the Lan Clan do with a place like this anyway?” he asked, not slowing down his mouth, his brain overloaded with the situation. “Still beats Luanzang Gang. I could hear a stream nearby. That will be nice.”
“Mn,” was Lan Zhan’s reply to some or all of Wei Wuxian’s questions.
The cabin consisted of a bed shoved off to one side, blankets and frame colorless as they were covered in dust. There was a low table and decayed mats in the center of the room. A tall shelf with a few dusty books was on the other side of the room next to a wardrobe and a table with a wash basin. That was it.
Wei Wuxian looked out a window at the back of the cabin. The light from inside the room made it hard to see into the dark. “Looks like there might be another structure out there. Perhaps a kitchen?” he observed, turning around to face his Zhiji.
Wei Wuxian once again stumbled into his doubts as he watched Lan Zhan gingerly tug at the bedding, not wanting to soil his hands and set the dust flying around the room. The Second Jade of Lan did not belong in this crumbling, dusty hovel. He belonged in the Jingshi. This time of night, he would have let his dark hair down, spilling down his shoulders like an overturned inkwell. His golden eyes would be growing heavy-lidded as he had his last cup of tea, ready to climb into his pristine bed.
“Ah, Lan Zhan, let me get that for you. Let’s not spoil your pretty blue robes. You know I like it when you wear the blue ones,” Wei Wuxian said, swooping in to claim the chore. However, Lan Zhan’s hand would not let go of the dusty blanket.
“Wei Ying. Help if you’d like, but I am not above cleaning a bed,” Lan Zhan warned in his deep voice. The man had gotten so good at reading Wei Wuxian!
“Fine. We can work together,” Wei Wuxian conceded in a whine, not bothering to return the stony gaze he felt on his face.
Though it was not especially late in the night, Wei Wuxian was quite worn out from their quick travel and the emotional turmoil he’d been wallowing in the past couple of days. “Here, let’s roll the blanket up and trap the dust. Then we’ll have to sacrifice a spare under robe or something to wipe down this frame. We can lay our sleeping rolls on top for tonight and do a thorough job cleaning in the morning,” Wei Wuxian decided.
They completed the task quickly and moved the dust-infested blanket to the other corner of the room. Wei Wuxian won the argument over whose under robe to sacrifice, only because Lan Zhan decided that he would donate one of his own to replace Wei Wuxian’s ruined garment. Soon the hard bed was at least acceptable, and they lay side-by-side, staring at one another in the dim light.
Sharing a bed wasn’t new per say, as they had often traveled with one another. But it was definitely new now that they were in a relationship. Wei Wuxian found himself shy of all things, especially when he recalled how heated their kissing had become between them in the forest hours ago. He was painfully aware of his arm pressing into Lan Zhan’s arm. He also couldn’t look away from the light-colored gaze that was looking at him so lovingly, even in their reduced splendor.
And then Wei Wuxian sneezed, turning his face at the last moment so that he did not assault Lan Zhan’s face with spit or snot. He turned an embarrassed gaze back to his Zhiji, who had amused twinkling eyes watching his face. “Still no regrets, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian teased, wrinkling his nose like one of Lan Zhan’s beloved bunnies.
Lan Zhan didn’t bother to answer as he pushed closer into Wei Wuxian’s space and joined their lips for the second time that day. The man was becoming so bold! Wei Wuxian was not sad for it, eagerly pressing in to generous lips, there being no distractions now that they were tucked away in their temporary, dilapidated home.
Wei Wuxian hesitantly reached a probing hand out and into Lan Zhan’s silky strands of hair, something he had been wanting to do for such a long time. His Zhiji hummed in approval before returning the favor, threading his own fingers through Wei Wuxian’s locks. They continued exploring new territories allowed now that they had confessed their feelings to one another. Backs and chests, arms and faces. Wei Wuxian felt himself growing hard again, but neither man pressed their lower halves into one another. It was already late.
The kiss slowly fizzled out, both men quite tired. Lan Zhan sent a stream of Spiritual Energy towards the lantern with a wave of his hand, dousing the flame. Wei Wuxian had his eyes wide open, trying to adjust to the new lighting, but he couldn’t see much. He leaned forward until their foreheads met, giving Lan Zhan’s plump lips a quick kiss. He could feel Lan Zhan’s lips curve upwards in a smile.
“Good night, Wei Ying.”
“Good night, Lan Zhan.”
***
With the morning light, Wei Wuxian was able to evaluate the situation as being worse than he had imagined. The cabin was even dirtier than the lantern light had shown. The sitting mats were rotted, there was mold growing on the walls by the windows and door. Outside behind the cabin was indeed a small kitchen, but its roof had caved in. They did find a latrine past the kitchen that only needed a new bench. And they also found the nearby stream that looked clean.
Wei Wuxian built a campfire as Lan Zhan dug through the qiankun pouches until he found a camp kettle and pair of cups and bowls. It was a very simple breakfast. Wei Wuxian kept casting discreet glances at his Zhiji, looking for the first signs of distress or annoyance, but he was really giving Lan Zhan little credit here. Lan Zhan’s home might be grand, but did he not spend a week in a dank cave with Wei Wuxian as a young man? Had he not spent over a year on the battlefields during the Sunshot Campaign living from ratty tent to ratty tent? Was Hanguang-Jun not known for showing up wherever there was chaos, often in backward villages that would not have great hosting capabilities?
“Well, Lan Zhan, should we divide and conquer or work together?” Wei Wuxian asked, finishing his tea.
“I think it would be best to clean the cabin before we attempt to work in the kitchen. We can just build campfires in the meantime,” Lan Zhan suggested. Wei Wuxian nodded in agreement.
Wei Wuxian took the old dusty blanket out to the stream and washed it downriver before cutting it into strips. They quickly dried the pieces with a talisman, and began dusting the cabin from top to bottom, opening the few windows and door in advance. Lan Zhan scrubbed at the moldy walls while Wei Wuxian swept clouds of dust outside (very pleased to have found a broom in the accessible part of the kitchen). By lunchtime, the place was still ugly but no longer made Wei Wuxian sneeze.
After lunch, they began to unpack. Clothes were stored in the wardrobe that had been wiped down. The tall shelves were soon lined with dishware, foodstuffs, books, and writing supplies. They put clean blankets and pillows on the bed, and Lan Zhan happily found his incense burner and lit it right away, sandalwood permeating the musty air. The cabin still wasn’t pretty, but it was cozy.
Lan Zhan plucked away on Wangji (resting in his lap rather than on a table) as the night came in, both men fresh from their quick rinse in the stream. They sat directly on the floor, since the mats had been tossed out. Wei Wuxian was creating a list of things they needed, sighing at the potential expense.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. We need mats and a desk. Maybe another table for the incense burner. We need a kitchen. We need a vanity, or at least a mirror. We could use a sword stand. A table for your qin. Aiya,” Wei Wuxian whined, giving up on his list and laying on the mostly clean floor dramatically. He had been very diligent with work today and thought he earned the right to act in protest by rolling around on the floor like a child.
“We have money Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan stated, as he continued to slide away on his qin, playing an ordinary song—his own form of protest.
“We shouldn’t waste it on what we can make on our own. Who really knows how long we’re going to be out here. We should save our money for foodstuffs for the winter once we get the kitchen in order.”
“You are going to build us a desk? And tables?” Lan Zhan asked with a raised brow. Wei Wuxian squawked at his Zhiji’s clear disbelief.
“You don’t think I can?! Wow, so little faith in your Zhiji!” Wei Wuxian cried in mock affront (well, some of it was real). “I’ll have you know I learned a thing or two during my time in Luanzang Gang. And I can definitely make a table and some damn mats,” Wei Wuxian said with an exaggerated pout. “I mean, they won’t be pretty, but they will be functional,” he decided to clarify. “Just don’t expect to wake up in the Jingshi anytime soon.”
Lan Zhan lifted Wangji from his lap and set the Spiritual Weapon carefully aside on the floor. He crawled on hands and knees to where Wei Wuxian was still sprawled out. Wei Wuxian tracked his every move with dark and interested eyes. It was so odd to see Lan Zhan in such an undignified manner. And it was also very predatory and hot. In no time, he was hovering above Wei Wuxian, though their bodies had no contact. With intense golden eyes, he lowered himself until he could kiss Wei Wuxian’s pout right from his lips—a sensual thief. Who would have thought it of the man?
“Forgive my doubt. I did not mean to discredit your past experiences,” Lan Zhan followed up. Wei Wuxian smiled softly. Wei Wuxian’s time in Luanzang Gang would always be a gulf between them, at least from Lan Zhan’s point-of-view. A time when Lan Zhan had come but had not stayed. A time when Wei Wuxian was left alone.
“I know Lan Zhan. I’m not mad,” he said, giving his Zhiji another peck on the lips. “I guess we’re just lucky that whoever stayed here before us had any furniture at all.”
Lan Zhan looked like he had something to say. Wei Wuxian rose a brow in question. Lan Zhan sat up on his heels and helped Wei Wuxian back into a sitting position. “I think I know who was here before,” he said, brushing some of Wei Wuxian’s hair back from his face.
“Who?” Wei Wuxian asked curiously. Lan Zhan continued to pet his hair, a marvelous development to their deepening relationship.
“Do you remember after the Wen attacked Yunshen Buzhichu and Xiong-Zhang went missing?” Lan Zhan asked. Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes widened.
“This is where Zewu-Jun hid with all the books?” Wei Wuxian guessed. Lan Zhan nodded.
“But he wasn’t here alone. In fact, it was Jin Guangyao who led him here. And stayed with him until he returned to us.” The words were clipped, obvious dissatisfaction in the thoughts.
Wei Wuxian sat quietly, dearly wanting to ask his Zhiji a question, but not wanting to intrude into a family matter.
“Just ask your questions,” Lan Zhan suddenly said, golden gaze locking with his dark eyes. Wei Wuxian’s curiosity must have been blazing across his face. He had nothing to offer but one of his famously dimpled smiles.
“Well, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he began, truly hoping he was not about to offend his Zhiji. “Was Zewu-Jun involved with Jin Guangyao… romantically?” Wei Wuxian asked. “I mean, I know they were Sworn Brothers, but he’s taken his loss very hard. Not that a friend would not be upset, it’s just… it just seems like so much more.”
Lan Zhan continued to pet his hair and thankfully did not look angry. “The truth is, I don’t know,” he said calmly in his deep voice. “I can say with confidence that once Jin Guangyao married Qin Su, there is no way that Xiong-Zhang would be romantically involved with him. That’s against the disciplines,” Lan Zhan needlessly pointed out—the first thousand were still firmly drilled into Wei Wuxian’s head, so he already knew.
“But before?” Wei Wuxian hazarded as Lan Zhan stopped speaking.
Lan Zhan made almost a grimace as he swept a hand across the room. “There is only one bed,” he said, as if they had never shared a bed before they had become intimate. “And the way Xiong-Zhang always spoke of him—well, he was also Sworn Brothers with Nie Mingjue, and he never spoke of him quite the same.”
“So, you think when they were hiding out here, something may have happened between them? But after Jin Guangyao was accepted into the Jin, they ended the romantic aspect?”
“I suspect as much. I think Jin Guangyao used my Xiong-Zhang. I think it’s likely that he read the forbidden texts here as well. I wonder if Xichen let him,” Lan Wangji speculated, sounding so disappointed, especially over the last part. Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say. Lan Zhan knew Lan Xichen better than anyone living. “And the Lan only love once. It may not have been real for Jin Guangyao, but I am sure that if it happened at all, it was forever for Xiong-Zhang.”
“Sometimes I think we let that little bastard get off too light,” Wei Wuxian grumbled, in awe of how much damage one man could cause to so many, and not for the first time. Wei Wuxian was still confused over how he had become a target when he’d never personally hurt Jin Guangyao. But for Lan Xichen to fall prey to his own Sworn Brother was even more puzzling. Lan Xichen had quite possibly been the only credible Cultivator that had ever believed in the man.
“Mn.”
“Lan Zhan, do you really think Zewu-Jun is going to be alright?”
“That’s entirely up to him. He will have to find something to keep him going.”
“Was that A-Yuan for you?” Wei Wuxian asked in a whisper. Lan Zhan pulled him closer into his chest and placed a kiss on the crown of his head. One benefit to Mo Xuanyu’s body was how easily it was tucked into Lan Zhan’s arms and body.
“Mn. But later, it was for our wish. To protect the weak, curtail the wicked, and live with no regrets.”
“I’m sorry Lan Zhan. I won’t leave you ever again, Zhiji.”
“Mn. I won’t let you.”
***
Hauling away the collapsed roof of the kitchen was a laborious task that Lan Zhan would not allow Wei Wuxian to participate in. No matter how much Wei Wuxian sulked, Lan Zhan would not budge, not even citing a reason. But Wei Wuxian knew the reason. Without a strong Golden Core, he was too weak to help and would likely get injured instead. Not for the first time, Wei Wuxian had regrets about not developing Mo Xuanyu’s tiny Core.
Instead, Wei Wuxian followed the stream to where it opened into a lake and began gathering reeds. He hauled the bundles on his back, upstream by the cabin, where he washed them and laid them out to dry in the few patches of sunlight defying the tall pines.
“Wei Ying, look,” Lan Zhan had called to him once he was back in sight of the kitchen. Lan Zhan was down to two layers, sweat seeping through his robes. Wei Wuxian had to shake his head and concentrate on where his Zhiji was pointing instead of the spiral of inappropriate thoughts his mind had happily thrown itself down.
“Oh wow! You found some tools!” Wei Wuxian rejoiced. Propped against the cabin was an ax, a saw, and a pile of carpentry tools. “Now I really can make us a table or two,” Wei Wuxian said with a grin. “And look, I’m already drying out the reeds for our new sitting mats,” he added, making a mocking face to his Zhiji. Lan Zhan kept his composure, but the slightest lines at the corners of his eyes suggested that he was smiling on the inside.
“Damn, you’ve made a lot of progress,” Wei Wuxian cooed, actually looking at the kitchen again. The larger beams had been moved to the side of the structure but there was still a lot of debris to remove. “I hope the stove wasn’t crushed. Is that a tub?!”
“Mn.”
“Well, that will be quite handy once the cold weather comes in.”
Lan Zhan walked behind Wei Wuxian, pulling his Zhiji’s back into his chest. Both men were sweaty from their labor, so there was no reason to be concerned over soiled clothes. Lan Zhan, slightly hunched forward, resting his chin onto Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his slender waist as they both stared at the kitchen together.
“This is all so strange, but kind of nice. We’re like a proper married couple. Building our little nest. Living an honest life,” Wei Wuxian babbled, forgetting that they were unmarried still. Which was the entire reason that they were in the middle of nowhere in the first place.
“Mn.”
“Hey Lan Zhan, I love you.”
“I love you, Wei Ying.”
***
They made their first excursion into the village a week later. Lan Zhan flew them both on Bichen and Wei Wuxian decided to not complain too loudly as he was physically sore. It was an hour by sword, it would have been half a day on foot.
The couple stood out immediately, not only as Cultivators, but because they were still relatively finely dressed and clearly not from the remote village. The inn was easily located, the largest building in the village and Wei Wuxian was so excited to eat something that wasn’t congee or plain rice. Lan Zhan spoiled him with lunch, ordering more plates than he should have, but both men were in high spirits and felt like they deserved a treat after all the work they’d done.
They had three errands to perform. The first was to send Zewu-Jun a letter, letting him know of their status. The second was for Lan Zhan to consult with builders, having finally cleared the hovel from the kitchen, but not knowing the finer details of roofing. And lastly, they were to stock up on supplies that they could not make or forage.
As Lan Zhan spoke with a group of laborers (who seemed mystified that someone of his caliber was seeking knowledge on this topic), Wei Wuxian walked around the few stalls surrounding the inn, buying rice, pickled vegetables, bricks of tea, lamp oil, paper and ink, and a new blanket. He hesitated over a few small sacks of seeds. Surely, they wouldn’t have to stay long enough that they needed to grow their own food.
Wei Wuxian just finished packing the qiankun pouches as Lan Zhan joined him.
“Satiate your fix for a lecture, Lan Zhan?”
“Mn.”
“What did you learn?”
“That Wangji is not skilled enough to make tiles. They will deliver some in a week’s time. We should have the structure in place by then,” Lan Zhan explained, not seeming upset about his shortcomings.
“Oh, Hanguang-Jun. Look how close to perfection you were, to fall short now. What punishment will your Shufu issue when he finds out that you are not a notable builder?”
“Handstands.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Lan Zhan! I actually fell for that!”
***
A week later, Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan crawled into bed, freshly bathed from the stream. The kitchen roof was only waiting for the tile delivery that should arrive any day. Wei Wuxian had finished making the sitting mats and a long table that was being alternated as a desk and a table for Lan Zhan’s qin, Wangji. He’d also made a new bench for the latrine and created a talisman to mitigate the smell.
It was a windy night in the forest, the near-constant thud of pinecones and small branches hitting the roof somewhat distracting. A howling draft reminded Wei Wuxian that he still needed to fix the warped doorframe. He really hoped that all the hard work that Lan Zhan had put into the kitchen roof would still be intact once the sun rose.
Wei Wuxian took a deep breath and was happy to find his pillow smelled of sandalwood. The cottage was losing its musty smell, there now being incense and tea to compete with the former stale aroma. Though it was still not pretty, Wei Wuxian had to admit that it was slowly feeling like a home after two weeks. He was entertaining the thought of making a couple of scrolls, to hide the uglier walls. Perhaps a drawing. He thought Lan Zhan might like that. Maybe some bunnies.
An especially loud thump on the roof, followed by the sounds of scurrying footsteps, had Wei Wuxian nearly sitting up.
“Lan Zhan! What do you think that was? A squirrel? A monkey? A small child? Did it get blown out of a tree?” Wei Wuxian asked, knowing that Lan Zhan had yet to fall asleep himself.
“It sounds uninjured,” Lan Zhan said, voice quite sleepy. Wei Wuxian laughed and pressed his face into his Zhiji’s arm, offering a kiss.
“How are you so calm tonight? I never remember such a windy night in Yunshen Buzhichu. Lan Zhan, what if a tall pine tree comes crashing down onto our roof and crushes us in our sleep? That dead tree isn’t very far away. It might clip the roof.”
“Mn. We can cut it down perhaps. Use it for the rest of the furniture,” Lan Zhan murmured, lazily lifting an arm to try and pet Wei Wuxian’s hair. Wei Wuxian would never grow tired of this new hair petting thing they had going on. It was amazing.
“Okay, but that doesn’t address our likely death tonight. Lan Zhan, there are so many things we need to do before we are crushed under a tree in a windstorm,” Wei Wuxian complained in his whiniest voice.
“Such as?” was Lan Zhan’s incredibly delayed response as he struggled to remain awake.
“Well, I already died once as a virgin, you know? I would be mortified for it to happen yet again,” Wei Wuxian said, eyes already trained to Lan Zhan’s, so that he could see the exact moment that his Zhiji’s fluttered open like a golden butterfly taking flight.
“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan’s voice questioned, now sounding incredibly more awake. Lan Zhan’s flurried eyes sought Wei Wuxian’s in the dark, but Wei Wuxian knew that they would take a moment to adjust. So, Lan Zhan couldn’t see his victorious smirk.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian simply said, as he scooted upwards to join their lips in a delicate kiss. It wasn’t rushed or forceful, but there was quickly growing passion behind it. Wei Wuxian caught Lan Zhan’s generous bottom lip between his own, dragging it down slightly before lapping his tongue into his Zhiji’s mouth. Slow and full of love. Their tongues met, languid and promising more.
“But Wei Ying, we are not wed,” Lan Zhan managed to object when the kiss broke. Wei Wuxian smiled, knowing that Lan Zhan’s eyes had adjusted, and he could now see his face.
“Lan Zhan, I feel like our love transcends marriage. But if it’s important to you, we can get out of bed and take our last bow now. We bowed to Lan Yi in your ice cavern and Jiang-Shu-Shu and Yu-Furen’s tablets in Lianhua Wu,” Wei Wuxian pointed out in a breathless whisper. “All I know is that you are my Zhiji. And I am going to love you forever.”
There was no response, just a more urgent pressing of lips—meeting and parting, and meeting and parting again. Lan Zhan now seemed wide awake and fully interested in what Wei Wuxian was suggesting. Lan Zhan rolled on top of Wei Wuxian, his growing erection pressing through his thin sleeping robes. Wei Wuxian sighed contently. He liked this, the weight of a man on top of him—something he would never have imagined in his youth.
Working on the cabin had been two weeks of labor-intensive days, often leaving both men tired afterwards. Their routine had been waking, breakfast, working, lunch, more working, dinner, bathing in the stream, and then winding down before bed. Bedtime was usually accompanied with many steamy kisses and a couple of hand jobs underneath clothing. But they had yet to fully explore one another.
Wei Wuxian was all too happy to lead in the removal of clothing. Even bathing in the stream, his Zhiji had shied away from removing his pants if Wei Ying was near (which he made a point to always be). Now with his eyes straining in the dark, he could still make out the beautiful smooth expanse of jade-colored skin that was straddled above him.
Wei Wuxian raised a shaky hand to the Wen brand, fingers dragging down to graze a dark, pebbled nipple, causing Lan Zhan to shudder. Wei Wuxian flattened his palm, lightly pressing over prominent abdominal muscles before dragging his fingernails through a thatch of hair and then circling his fist around Lan Zhan’s proud cock. Lan Zhan’s breath hitched from his rounded lips as his eyes snapped closed and hips bucked forward. Wei Wuxian licked his lips, finding his mouth dry. He firmed his grip on Lan Zhan’s cock, a small gleam of come pushing from the head as Wei Wuxian tugged forward, thoroughly enjoying the front row view.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan gasped, hips moving of their own accord once again. Wei Wuxian used his free hand to pull his Zhiji forward on his knees, by pushing on his muscled ass. Lan Zhan’s eyes shot open.
“Come this way, Lan Zhan. I want to taste you. I’ve been thinking of it every day for months,” Wei Wuxian confessed lying beneath him, his voice dropping in register. Lan Zhan seemed to be combating his desire against his decorum. So, Wei Wuxian let go of his cock and used both his hands to pull Lan Zhan closer, hands wrapped around hipbones and circling to his firm ass.
“Just crouch over my face. Closer. I’ll let you know if it’s too much,” Wei Wuxian assured his Zhiji, though he had absolutely no experience with this intimate act. Lan Zhan’s cock was definitely longer than average. Not to mention the girth.
Lan Zhan blessedly obeyed, still too high up for Wei Wuxian to reach laying down. So, Wei Wuxian pushed up from the back of his forearms, popping his chest forward, pink tongue already sticking out as it reached for the cock hovering above it. The first kitten lick already had Lan Zhan moaning wantonly. Wei Wuxian felt his own cock harden from the sound. He spent some time getting acquainted with his Zhiji’s anatomy, slathering Lan Zhan’s length with spit before dragging his lips on the head. He playfully tugged on the incredibly soft skin of the shaft with his lips rolled over his teeth, knowing that it would not be enough pressure, but would still feel good.
Lan Zhan’s hands reached out to clench the frame of the bed that made a creaking sound from his vice-like grip. Wei Wuxian flicked his eyes upwards. Lan Zhan’s darkened gaze was watching his every move, mouth open and rounded in a moan. Wei Wuxian winked at him before finally opening his mouth and taking him in. Learning how to suck while tucking his teeth back was not innate. Neither was fitting Lan Zhan’s entire length down his throat. Wei Wuxian had his eyes stinging with tears and spit leaking from the corner of his mouth. He’d get it right with more practice. But for now, luckily, Lan Zhan looked like he was in complete bliss.
Unexpectedly, only a few short minutes in, Lan Zhan pulled out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth, with a loud gasping breath. His cock was red and shiny with spit and so very hard.
“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian rasped, swallowing quickly, feeling like he had hair caught in his throat.
“I don’t want to come yet,” Lan Zhan managed, a sentence that Wei Wuxian never imagined forming from his Zhiji’s mouth. He smiled wide. He felt like he could take credit for ruining Lan Zhan in some ways.
“Okay.”
Lan Zhan caught his breath and then scooted back down so that their faces lined up. Wei Wuxian was hesitant to kiss him, but his worries were unfounded as Lan Zhan joined their lips as if his life depended upon it. They kissed for some minutes as they came down from their plateau of pleasure.
“Wei Ying, I don’t know how to do this,” Lan Zhan said after breaking their kiss. Wei Wuxian smiled up gently to his Zhiji, happy that he didn’t seem embarrassed, just honest.
“That’s okay. I don’t know how to do this exactly either, but I’ve seen books. We’ll be fine,” he answered with confidence. “But Lan Zhan, which part do you want? Do you want to go in me or me in you?”
Lan Zhan looked down at Wei Wuxian with uncertainty. “I am willing to do either. I don’t want to hurt you,” he shared, looking sincere.
Wei Wuxian smiled brightly, raising a hand to cup his Zhiji’s face. “Well, I think we should both try both ways. But why not start with me? I think I know what to expect a little bit more. Can you help me prepare though?”
“Anything.”
“Hmm, what can we use? Maybe grab the hair oil?” Wei Wuxian suggested, unsure. Lan Zhan looked confused but immediately got up from the bed and made the short distance to their shelf that held nearly everything they owned. He returned quickly, handing the vial to Wei Wuxian.
“We have to make room for you inside of me. Do you understand?” Wei Wuxian asked, grabbing for one of Lan Zhan’s large hands. His Zhiji’s eyes suggested that he perhaps didn’t. “Your cock is so big, Lan Zhan. You’ll tear me right open if we don’t prepare first. We have to stretch me out a bit and get me nice and slick. You have to use your fingers, one at a time. Coat them with this,” Wei Wuxian explained, pouring some oil into Lan Zhan’s palm.
“Wei Ying, if there’s a chance of injury, I have a strong Core—”
“Lan Zhan, there’s only a chance if we are not patient. And you’re the most patient person that I know. I trust you,” Wei Wuxian countered with a full smile. It seemed to do the trick. Lan Zhan coated his middle finger and reached between his legs with a face of uncertainty.
It did feel strange and awkward, making Wei Wuxian glad that he had chosen this role for himself while they were still learning how to have sex. Luckily, he had a head full of porn to reference. He knew it could feel good. They would figure it out. In fact, with a second finger, Lan Zhan found something in his body that had Wei Wuxian gasping as he snapped his hips forward.
“Lan Zhan! Do that again,” he demanded in a breathless tone. Lan Zhan looked all too eager and quickly found the spot again. “Fuck!” Wei Wuxian cried, spreading his legs wider. Lan Zhan continued to prod, seeming more comfortable with what he was doing, his dark eyes tracking every facial expression that his Zhiji cast.
Adding a third finger had Wei Wuxian a writhing and drooling mess. It stung, the stretch definitely stung, but also the sensation of being filled, of being opened… and the knowledge that soon he would be forced even wider on Lan Zhan’s cock, had him dangerously close to coming.
“I’m ready Lan Zhan. Zhiji, Baobei, please. I need you now,” Wei Wuxian pleaded, though there was no protest. Lan Zhan quickly removed his fingers and coated his cock with the hair oil. Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes tracked the motion, both eager and anxious for what was to come.
Lan Zhan, of all things, offered Wei Wuxian a tail of his forehead ribbon. Wei Wuxian knew he should feel honored (he was), but he was also horny out of his mind. Very impatiently, he tugged on the ribbon, winding it around his palm as quickly as he could as it fell down Lan Zhan’s face.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said in such a husky voice, eyes shiny from held tears, before pushing himself into his hole.
Wei Wuxian grunted as he closed his eyes, the pain tolerable, but still there. Lan Zhan was so much bigger than three fingers, longer too. “Fuck,” was all he managed as his Zhiji tenaciously pushed himself forward. Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell if it took seconds or minutes, but at last, Lan Zhan was fully seated.
“Just wait a second,” Wei Wuxian said breathlessly, wondering if perhaps he hadn’t been quite ready, or if Lan Zhan should have entered even slower. They’d get it right next time, Wei Wuxian decided. Lan Zhan was also breathing hard but reached a hand down to cup Wei Wuxian’s face. Wei Wuxian turned to place a kiss into Lan Zhan’s large palm, trying to regulate his breathing. Lan Zhan’s hand lovingly rubbed and pressed down Wei Wuxian’s torso, the path to his softening cock being the clear destination. He took Wei Wuxian into hand, firm but gentle, slowly tugging it back to hardness. “Fuck,” Wei Wuxian gasped again, his erection finding life once more.
Lan Zhan’s attention did the trick in helping Wei Wuxian to relax within minutes. Wei Wuxian found himself circling his hips now, enjoying the feeling of being full while his cock was slowly stroked. “You can move now, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said, opening his eyes and finding himself being studied with such a reverent gaze.
Lan Zhan let go of Wei Wuxian’s cock and rocked his hips backwards and then forwards, groaning instantly. He gave a few experimental thrusts, quickly figuring out the mechanics. Wei Wuxian was trying to match his movements, moaning on occasion when Lan Zhan pressed against that spot that made him feel like he had an activated Glitter Talisman covering his eyelids.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan cried as he hunched forward, his body trapping Wei Wuxian’s cock between them, as he began to get serious and move more steadily. The dual simulation had Wei Wuxian’s toes curling and then his orgasm overtook him from seemingly nowhere. He cried out into the night, in a higher pitch than he cared to examine, his inner walls spasming around Lan Zhan’s cock that was still frantically thrusting deep inside of him.
Lan Zhan let out a deep moan into his neck and hair and Wei Wuxian could actually feel his cock pulsing inside of him as his Zhiji found his own release. Both men were squashed together as they found their breath. Wei Wuxian heard a ringing in his ears, noticing for the first time that he had tuned out the windstorm. The realization made him laugh. Once started, he could not stop.
His Zhiji pushed himself up, strong arms on either side of the bed, looking down at Wei Wuxian with a beautiful smile full of wonder. The laughing stopped; the sight so stunning that Wei Wuxian could no longer find a reason to laugh.
“Lan Zhan, you are so gorgeous. And I love you,” he whispered with so much emotion that his eyes grew shiny, reaching fingertips up to trace the features of his Zhiji’s face.
“Wei Ying is beautiful. And I love you too.”
“Hey Lan Zhan? Can you sing that song to me again?” Wei Wuxian asked, scooting in close to his Zhiji who moved off his body to lay down beside him. Wei Wuxian immediately used his broad chest as a pillow. Lan Zhan wrapped his arm around him, slowly brushing his tangled hair back.
“Mn.”
Lan Zhan began to hum their song that remained nameless while Wei Wuxian carefully wrapped his wrist with Lan Zhan’s crumpled forehead ribbon. He sighed contently afterwards, Lan Zhan’s humming becoming more and more quiet as they both fell into soundless sleep, even the windstorm quieting in its rage.