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The first few times it happens Ellie dismisses it as her overactive imagination, her tendency to wallow in her guilt. Is convinced the whispers she hears at the edge of her mind, the emotions ghosting against hers, gentle and as fragile as a moth's wings, are hallucinations. The last ramblings of her mind as it finally succumbs to the fungus.
Of course, she realises (comes to terms with) that is not the case.
She watches the kids in Jackson play, running and shrieking with laughter as they kick an ancient football around the grass. Not underground this time, in sunlight. In the air. As it was meant to be.
(At the same time, she feels the impression of a silent cheer, sees a smile so bright for a kid on the run.
It's that smile that she grits her teeth and forces herself to remember whenever the image of that sweet face morphed into that of a monster rears into her memories.)
I'm still here, the echo whispers, starlings dancing in flight above the kids like hands flowing from word to word, slow for her benefit, I am not alone.
~
Ellie's joy is doubled when she finds herself dancing, and not just because here dancing is safe, here dancing won't be interrupted by death.
When she dances Riley dances with her, beneath her feet. She knows, in her bones, that this is true.
She can't prove that the echo of Riley somehow caused the ground beneath her feet to lurch, sending her crashing into Dina the day they were both on stable duty.
(Who caught her, of course)
But what harm is it, to hear her friend's delighted laugh in the chattering of the hens at their feet when Dina blushes and tells her (fondly!) to watch her step?
_
Ellie used to dream of Tess, in-between the other nightmares, the guilt sitting like lead on her chest. She was sure Joel did too, when he startled awake and refused to tell her why. When he was quiet (even for him) the next day.
Now, the Tess she sees in her dreams is peaceful. Unmarred by blood and fear and fire. Fungus weaves itself through her hair, lends a shine to her eyes that isn't human, the same shine Ellie spots in her own from time to time. The shine that vanishes whenever she presses her nose almost to the mirror, breath fogging the surface. There is greenery surrounding Tess now, foliage rustling in a gentle breeze.
"You did good kid."
"I didn't," Ellie says, "I didn't save anyone, or the world."
"You saved one person," Tess tilts her head, listening to something Ellie can't, not yet, "you'll save more, in time."
"What does that mean though?"
Tess shakes her head, grins. She shimmers, almost vanishes into the sunbeams of the dreamscape.
"Tell him," her voice echoes, travelling the miles and miles from Boston, through the ground like she told her all those months ago.
"Tell him, ah, forget it. He'll know soon enough."
She reaches for Ellie, touches her shoulder, touch gossamer and insubstantial as a spider's web.
Ellie wakes, knows for certain what is in the future, what will become of them. As she sinks back into sleep she decides that's not a bad future, not at all.
The next morning she remembers nothing, but wakes calm, reassured.
~
The first time Ellie slept outside the QZ, she felt cradled. Like the Earth was holding her close. The feeling familiar, despite the circumstances being new. It was an easy thing to dismiss as childish fancy, which she tells herself she doesn't have time for now. But as time goes by, when the feeling arises, she leaves it be. Allows it in, relaxes into the sense of safety, of love.
She imagines this is what being held by a parent must feel like, hopes that somewhere deep in her memory the echo of that feeling is there, even if she can never recall it.
There must be a reason the Earth is called Mother after all.