Work Text:
“Very nice, Cub,” Twilight said, looking down at the admittedly very impressive slug cupped in a beaming Wild’s hands. “Where’d you find it?”
“Under a rock.” Wild lowered his hands to let it slowly crawl onto Hyrule’s palm instead.
Hyrule giggled. “It tickles.”
“Yeah, they do that,” Twilight agreed. “He’s a big one.”
“Three inches!” Wild told him happily. “We measured.”
“That the biggest bug you’ve found?”
Hyrule and Wild exchanged a look, then nodded. “Probably, yeah.”
“Well, no, it isn’t,” someone else chimed in, and Twilight glanced over his shoulder to see Warriors, his face scrunched a little like it did whenever Wild mentioned eating monster parts or something happened that he didn’t understand.
Wild frowned. “No, I’m pretty sure it is, I’ve been keeping track -”
“Slugs are not bugs,” Wars told him, face scrunching further. ”Surely not.”
Twilight was fairly sure they were bugs. “I mean, yeah? They’re tiny and bug-like. So they’re bugs.”
Wars stared at him. “… That’s your quantifier for something being a bug??”
“I mean,” Twilight said with a thoughtful frown. “It’s gotta act like a bug.”
“Twilight. What.”
Twilight had a choice to make. He could admit that he did, in fact, have standards for what made something a bug, or he could play the same game with Wars that he did with the kids back home. Which was to double down and always take the argument less seriously than your opponent.
“For somethin’ to be a bug, you gotta be able to look at it ‘n say ’Yeah, that’s a bug’,” Twilight said with full confidence.
“Are lizards bugs?” Hyrule asked, blinking up at Twilight with big, innocent eyes. The slug was halfway up his bracer.
Twilight considered that. “Depends on the size. The lil’ ones you could make an argument for.”
“What about mice?” Wild asked with much less innocence and far more glee.
“I think you could find a mouse that’s a bug,” Twilight mused.
Wars was making little sputtering noises. “There’s - there’s science to this! There’s science, Twilight!”
“Yeah,” Twilight said with full sincerity. “It’s called pointin’ at somethin’ and sayin’ it’s a bug.”
“Wh -” Wars wheezed. “What. No. Twilight, that’s not -”
“I say Wind is a bug,” Wild said firmly, Hyrule nodding along.
Twilight shook his head. “He’s too big to be a bug. They’ve gotta be little. My measure is if they can fit in your palm, they’re small enough to count.”
Hyrule sighed. “But he acts like a bug.”
“What do you mean??” Wind shouted across camp, affronted. Oh, the rest of the group was listening! This was going even better than Twilight had hoped. “I am not a bug!! Four’s smaller than me, if you’re gonna call anyone a bug why not him??”
Hyrule and Wild exchanged another thoughtful look.
Twilight shook his head before Four could speak up to defend himself. “Nah, he ain’t a bug. Ain’t very bug-like.”
“He is small, though,” Hyrule pointed out.
“Not every small thing is a bug,” Twilight told his enraptured students. “For example, butterflies.”
Wars made a strangled squeaking sort of noise. “What??”
Twilight blinked at him. “Butterflies ain’t bugs.”
“Wh - but - yes they are??”
“Nah.”
Wars took a deep breath in, then let it out slowly. “What about caterpillars, then?”
“Bugs,” Twilight said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Spirits, this was fun.
“They’re the same creature!!” Wars nearly shouted, starting to pace out of - evidently - sheer frustration. “One has just gone through metamorphosis!”
Twilight shrugged. “Caterpillars are bugs and butterflies ain’t, I dunno what to tell you.”
Wars made several frustrated gestures with his hands. “What are they, then, if not bugs??”
Twilight smiled, looking Warriors dead in the eye as he played his trump card. “Birds.”
The entire camp exploded.
“WHAT??” Warriors all but shrieked, as the others either burst into laughter or started trying to correct Twilight’s very mistaken views on birds.
“They fly around, don’t they?” Twilight pointed out like it was obvious, happily ignoring the chaos.
“That doesn’t make them birds!” Wars whipped around to look at Sky. “Sky, you like birds, back me up here!”
Sky was frowning at the ground, deep in thought. “… Are they birds??”
Warriors made a sound of abject despair, and Twilight couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst out laughing.
Legend, who had been cackling at them this whole time, toppled over onto his side with a shriek of laughter, pointing at Twilight. Whatever he was trying to say was incoherent through all the wheezing.
“What??” Wars demanded, looking back and forth between Legend and Twilight. A slow look of realization grew on his face, and as it clicked, he whipped back around and pointed at Twilight too. “You’re lying to me!“
“Would I do that?” Twilight asked through giggles, mustering up as much innocence as he could.
Wars’ eyes narrowed dangerously, though Twilight knew him well enough - and could read body language well enough - to tell it was playful. “You’re messing with me, rancher.”
That set off Wild and Hyrule, too, and there was a faint “ow my ribs” from a still-cackling Legend, which made Twilight start laughing harder.
“I’m going to get you for this,” Wars threatened, starting to stalk toward Twilight. Every line of his body read play!, even his ears, pricked up excitedly.
Twilight sank into a crouch with a grin, bracing himself.
Sure enough, Wars tackled him, and they went rolling across the dirt, to the cheers and encouragement of their brothers. Twilight loved to wrestle, and he held back just enough for it to be a fair fight, shoving and grappling and even lightly snapping his teeth at Wars a few times. Blame the wolf habits.
Eventually, though, he managed to thoroughly pin Wars. As his brother wiggled, trying to get free, Twilight grinned down at him. “Give up?”
“You’re terrible,” Wars wheezed, still struggling. After a moment, though, he sighed and went limp. “… Yes.”
Twilight stood and offered Wars a hand up, pulling him upright with a big smile.
Wars dusted himself off with a grumble. “… Butterflies are bugs.”
“Yep,” Twilight agreed brightly.
“And slugs are not.”
“Well, no, I’m pretty sure slugs are bugs.”
“TWILIGHT -”