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Sometimes, Evbo woke up and thought he was still dreaming.
It was only logical, right? After all, Evbo knew what reality was for him, had known it like the back of his hand for every one of the twenty-seven years he'd been alive. His name was Evbo. He was a 'noob', born in the lowest and most subjugated layer of civilization, and for that reason he would never amount to anything. He had neighbours (usually) and friends (more rarely) but there was always a layer of necessary emotional distance that kept him from truly connecting with anyone. It was a harsh lesson everyone on their level had to learn - if you love someone, you're gonna lose them. Simple as that. Unless you wanted to go through that mental torment every single time, you learnt to shelve your emotional connections and Not Think About the fact that everyone you once knew is gone and the ones who replaced them aren't likely to fare any better.
It was a life of dreamless nights and dreamless days, of limiting his mind from Wanting and Needing, of feeling an emptiness in his stomach that would never be filled and an emptiness in his heart that ached so much more acutely.
That had been less than half a year ago. So what the hell was up with these marble ceilings? Why did he arise from bed at his own time, his ears not ringing from shouting and pounding fists apon the doorframe? Why did his body not hurt? Why didn't his muscles ache? None of this was right.
Why was a man in golden boots greeting him like a friend instead of sticking their nose up and ignoring him? Why were pros lining up to greet him with open enthusiasm, looking at him like he'd personally hung the moon and stars, when he distinctly remembered how they'd scoff and sneer at him, treating him like the grime beneath their shoes? This was what he'd always wanted, right? This was what he'd risked his life countless times for, right? Then why did all of it scream to his brain in a deafening cacophony, wrong, wrong, WRONG-
On days like these, Evbo ran.
Ran, and ran, and didn't stop, couldn't stop even when the buildings thinned and when they sparsened out into nothing, even when the course beneath his feet became unfamiliar, when he had to keep momentum and sprint at relentless full throttle to fly over back to back 4-block gaps, forcing his body to move in an attempt to make his mind STOP, not looking down once to check his landings. Until he was lying flat on his back over 2 mercifully adjacent blocks, winded with a twisted ankle and burning stitch in his side, helpless to do anything but gasp for air and stare up at the sun boring down on him from overhead.
At least that was the same. Everything could change, but the sun would remain the same fat blob of light as it had always been. The reshaping of the world itself wouldn't change that. Evbo realizing everything he knew and his entire sense of self was built off of a lie wouldn't change that.
Fuck. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, blotting out red impressions of light beneath his eyelids.
If only the sun WOULD stop. Evbo wanted desperately for time to freeze so he could have a chance to catch up with everything.
He didn't know how much time passed as he lay there prone, just that the sun was in a drastically different position when something moved to obstruct it, a waving hand obstructing his vision. A familiar hand.
Evbo groaned unintelligbly and batted it away, scrunching his eyes shut again.
"That's not a very nice way to treat the guy trying to save you from history's worst sunburn" Seawatt tsked from above him, the smile obvious in his voice without needing to be seen. "How long have you been out here, exactly? EMF sent me after you, because you'd apparently been having 'one of your off days.'"
"Dunno." Evbo mumbled, feeling like he was speaking through molasses. Everything felt overwhelmingly heavy, even the mere movement of his jaw. The throbbing of his ankle was all that kept him present. "Sorry."
"Gross. Don't apologize to me, that's not our dynamic." There was the distinct sound of movement, and Evbo forced himself to open his eyes to register that Seawatt had flopped into a crosslegged sit on the closest block to him, pinning him with a look he wasn't sure what to make of. "You want me to go?" Seawatt asked after a terse moment, uncharacteristically hesitant.
Evbo's chest gave a sharp pang, and he shook his head.
The former champion's brow furrowed, apparently not expecting that. "...Okay. Guess I'll stick here for now." Seawatt said, hesitant, clearly searching for words to fill the silence when he was probably used to Evbo doing that part. The clouds above them seemed near enough to touch if Evbo only reached out, fluffy and light and everything he wanted to feel, but his arms remained staunchly by his sides, weighed down like cinderblocks.
Apparently he shut his eyes, because when he again opened them it was because the light level had abruptly changed. Seawatt glanced at him, now stood beside a tree that hadn't been there before, its wide branching leaves casting shade over the both of them and protecting them from the worst of the afternoon sun. Not that it could do much for Evbo, thoroughly burned as he was, but it was a good thought.
"Thanks" he mustered up, forcing himself to be audible. His 'friend' shrugged.
"Don't worry about it" he said, pocketing the rest of the bonemeal in his hand. "If I'm gonna squat with you here for the forseeable future I don't want to have to watch you slowly cook. You're pinker than raw beef right now, y'know."
Despite his permenantly full hunger-bar, Evbo felt his stomach churn. "I miss those."
"Miss what? Raw beef?"
The tree ahead was a mercifully more distracting sight than the sun and clouds had been, the wind rustling through it offering both plentiful visual and auditory stimulation that Evbo used to ground himself in the present. "Yeah."
"Why would you miss that?" Seawatt leant against the trunk of the thing, reaching out just as an apple spawned and snatching it straight off the poor tree, turning it over in his hands. It was a vibrant red, shiny and fresh and delicious, exactly the kind of luxury Evbo had never been able to afford... which probably made it weirder that he was still drooling at the thought of that raw beef.
"Was special. Treat no one went for 'cause it was too risky." Evbo slurred, rolling onto his side and nestling into his oversized hoodie. "Only went for it on my birthdays. Figured I'd either die on a meaningful day or get a nice treat for it. Better memories."
Seawatt's voice was filled with disbelief when he spoke next. "Die on a meaningful day? That's morbid."
"Everyone died, down there. Dying was part of living. We all got used to it."
A longer silence. The wind blew through the grass atop the blocks around them, and Evbo let himself pretend again he was still in those times, that his stomach felt full because he'd risked it all for a better meal, and now he was skiving off somewhere enjoying the breeze before trudging back to his house, his familiar house, with the familiar blocks and a full expectation of what the following morning would bring. No surprises. No world-shattering revelations. No secret layers of the world. No knowledge that everything he thought he'd known about his life was a lie and he probably hadn't even actually had a family, even those memories were just a false implantation put in to cozy him into his life so he'd never question what went on-
"You kinda tortured me." Evbo said aloud, unthinking. "You kinda tortured everyone."
"My bad." As expected, not a single fleck of remorse in the bastard's tone. It should be infuriating, instead of endearing as it was. "You live that high up, you forget about life for the little guy. At least you've given everyone proper food access now."
"Not that." Evbo sighed. "You made up fake memories of my parents for me, man. That's fucked up."
Seawatt's jaw audibly clicked shut. "Oh. Yeah."
It was surreal, knowing he'd just spawned in one day. Apparently that was how the world worked, and no one knew because no one had a chance to know, having only a few seconds in the spawn zone before they were unceremoniously designated their lot in life by their first actions. Everyone he'd seen spawn in had been adults - was that the case for him as well? Shit, was he even actually twenty-seven years old?
"Why?"
"What, like, why'd I do that?"
"Yeah."
"I thought it'd be a nice thing actually. It wasn't meant to be 'torture' at all." Seawatt huffed, self consciously scratching at the back of his neck and looking away, breaking eye contact. "It's not like anyone was supposed to figure it out. It's... nice, to have parents, to have that idea of two people out there who loved you just for who you were and took care of you." He scratched at his chin where stubble was starting to grow again, insistent despite how much the man shaved, and Evbo felt himself follow the movement with his eyes. Lately, he'd been preoccupied with Seawatt's face a lot. "And if they weren't actually there, you wouldn't have to have that idea messed up." His former-enemy finished, lowing his hand. "A nice, untainted, unburdened memory."
"Is that how you feel about your parents?"
Evbo knew he'd hit a chord when the other man went ramrod straight as if he'd been struck by lightning, eyes widening and breath catching. They stared at each other silently, Evbo struggling to decide if he should apologize and rescind the question, Seawatt's mouth flapping open and shut like he was trying to think up an easy response and failing it every time.
The blond wondered what his parents might have been like, if they'd been real. The hazy concept of them Seawatt had indirectly gifted him was nice, sure, but it was incomplete. Just a collection of general ideas about parenting - warm hugs, warm meals, words of affirmation and being tucked into bed, plush toys and tied shoelaces. Now that he focused on trying to bleed as much out of the 'memory' that he could, he saw just how much of it was insubstantial. What was his 'mother's' hair colour? What did his 'father's' voice sound like? What was a specific sentence they'd 'said' to him, some advice, some words of encouragement?
Nothing. Because this was a general backstory given to every newbie flung down into the borderline dystopian landscape below the spawnpoint, and there was no need to alter it for each individual. Anger flared in his gut. Everything was so fucking stupid. It was stupid that he missed being oblivious. It was stupid that he missed starving. It was most stupid that he didn't even hate the man beside him for being the cause of all this.
"It's not." Said man's voice broke through his thoughts and Evbo tensed, finally enough energy circulating through his body to push himself halfway up on his elbows. The stabbing feeling in his ankle had subsided to a low thrum, an ignorable irriation. Not that he could really focus on anything beside that voice at the moment. "I have a lot of stuff I remember about my parents, and a lot of it's really shitty. Sometimes I think I hate them for the things they did, and sometimes I even think I hate them for dying, because it meant they left me alone." Seawatt crossed his arms, digging his nails into them, lips pressing thin. "I hate it. I hate feeling that way. That's why I gave you guys a nicer version. I didn't want to risk giving you actual parents, because then they might die, and you'd have to feel all this... horrible stuff, too."
"You starved us." Evbo interjected, exasperated despite himself.
"And you apparently miss that, you weirdo."
"I miss simplicity." Evbo admitted, testing the use of his ankle. Ouch. It hurt, but it was doable. Maybe Seawatt had a health potion on him... though from the looks of him maybe not, and Evbo doubted his own audacity to ask for something so valuable after prying into the man's most personal feelings. "I miss being able to expect what every day brought. I miss having my place in life. I miss knowing that..." his hands tightened in the grass, ripping a few blades out with the force of his grip. "I miss knowing that if I vanished one day, everyone would just move on like that, and I wouldn't hurt anybody. I miss not mattering."
Seawatt looked at him like he was doing so for the first time, like Evbo had admitted something that made him completely unrecognizable to the man's former impression of him. Maybe he had. He was beyond caring at the moment.
"Alright, well, we're gonna talk about what you just said when I get you back home." Seawatt said firmly, reaching down to offer a hand to pull the blond up. Evbo accepted it thankfully, allowing himself to be positioned into a hesitant standing position, now close enough to the low-hanging tree that he could feel the leaves brushing against his face. Seawatt looked strangely beautiful like that, he though, half-shadowed with golden rays of sunlight illuminating him through the gaps in the foliage. His skin itself seemed golden, in this lighting. "But first I'm gonna actually get you home. It's not doing you any good to be chilling out here, clearly. You're just getting in your own head."
"I can't jump" Evbo admitted sheepishly, wiggling his ankle in demonstration. "Messed up pretty badly on my way out here. Not doing a 4-block on this thing."
Seawatt threw his hands up to the heavens, dramatically gesticulating for a moment as if to say 'look what this guy puts me through!' before lowering them and instead holding them out in offer. "Alright princess, come here."
Evbo stared at him uncomprehendingly, blearily looking between his stupidly-pretty face and the strong arms being held out to him. His first thought, first want, was to fall into them and let them carry him, take care of him. But that surely wasn't what Seawatt meant - he had no idea how Evbo felt about him, and he wouldn't offer something like that even if he did.
The former champion's eye twitched, stepping closer, before crossing the distance between them and stepping onto the block Evbo was atop, crowding his space. Reeling with a red face, the hooded man stumbled straight into his frenemy, only to let out an undignified squeak when Seawatt took that motion to sweep him straight into his arms, bundled up in a bridal carry.
"W-what-"
"Relax" Seawatt ordered him. "I got you. I can do these jumps with my eyes shut, carrying all of your 5 foot nothing when doing it won't be any more of a struggle. Just rest."
"I can't-"
"Rest. Let someone take care of you. Close your eyes. I won't drop you, and you won't fall. Come on, you trust me right?"
And somehow, despite everything they'd shared, despite Seawatt's betrayal that still stung to think about, despite their multiple attempts to one-up and humiliate each other-
Evbo went boneless, hiding his face in the other's scarf. "I guess."
"It'll be ok. Hold onto me, man."
Evbo did, and tried to believe that Seawatt would carry everything else for him. Not just his physical body but his mental ails, this dissociation, the feeling of his world upending on him, his sense of self and reality unstable. Seawatt could be his constant through it. That was a weird thing to think about another guy, right?
Whatever.
He was asleep long before they made it back.