Work Text:
What’s His Fucking Deal
#cucumber-spotting
dick jokes
[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Do you still take commissions?”]
passionate ranting
no fucking way
he’s still alive???
binghe obsession
of course this is how we find out
homoerotic undertones
maybe he really was dead and he just rose from the grave to commission art of lbh one last time
in a totally hetero way ofc
binghe obsession
ofc
passionate ranting
after a year?
homoerotic undertones
anything’s possible
binghe obsession
@dick jokes what did he want anyway
?
homoerotic undertones
@dick jokes
dick jokes
gimme a minute he’s still explaining
homoerotic undertones
still???
passionate ranting
ooo point for me
homoerotic undertones
no it’s not, that’s just how he talks
it needs to be pidw comment level ranting or it doesn’t count
binghe obsession
probably still a point for me though
homoerotic undertones
shut the fuck up
basically everything he says counts as a point for you
some of us actually need to put effort into our point collecting
binghe obsession
skill issue
your fault for picking one of the harder ones
dick jokes
how do you think I feel
binghe obsession
yeah you really fucked that one up
he’s only ever made like one dick joke
passionate ranting
famously
binghe obsession
famously
dick jokes
what the actual fuck
THERES NO WAY
he’s serious?????????
homoerotic undertones
context??
binghe obsession
what did he do now
dick jokes
he wants me to
how the fuck do I phrase this so it makes sense
he wants me to go to his stupidly expensive apartment to paint a portrait of him and his husband(???????) in sqq x lbh cosplay
📌 [passionate ranting pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.]
homoerotic undertones
how gullible do you think we are
dick jokes
IM NOT FUCKING JOKING
[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “Would it be possible for you to paint at least part of it in person? My husband would prefer the authenticity of a live portrait, though it can still be digital.”]
[screenshot of a text from Peerless Cucumber that reads “My apartment would be best, our cosplay will likely attract too much attention anywhere else.”]
passionate ranting
WHAT
HUSBAND??????????????????
homoerotic undertones
oh my fucking god
binghe obsession
did he marry a lbh cosplayer
please say yes
passionate ranting
SHEN QINGQIU??????????
what the fuck HAPPENED to him while he was gone????
homoerotic undertones
maybe he got fucking
binghe obsession
lmfao he wishes
homoerotic undertones
transmigrated
let me finish??
passionate ranting
I mean……
he did get married, so
it’s likely
binghe obsession
can we go back to the part where under suggested he got fucking transmigrated
homoerotic undertones
think about it
binghe obsession
oh don’t worry I’m definitely thinking about it
passionate ranting
wait no I kinda get it
PC is kind of perfect for a transmigration romance tbh
homoerotic undertones
he’d be so good at it
passionate ranting
like imagine he ended up in pidw, he probably knows that world better than the author at this point
classic op otome isekai protag
homoerotic undertones
exactlyyyy
binghe obsession
what if we had a normal conversation for once
passionate ranting
in the peerless cucumber discord server?
binghe obsession
yeah okay point taken
then can either of you two geniuses explain the lbh x sqq shipping
homoerotic undertones
see that’s where the transmigration theory comes in
otome isekai never has the protag end up with their character’s canon love interest, but in pidw that cuts out like every woman
binghe obsession
wait hold on
homoerotic undertones
which is fine bc we’re 99% sure he isn’t into women anyway, but I digress
binghe obsession
you think he got transmigrated into fucking LUO BINGHE????
passionate ranting
wait they’re onto something here
let them cook
homoerotic undertones
what’s more of an otome isekai plotline than the protag falling in love with a character they used to hate after actually getting to know them?
PC would be basically immune to all the bullshit sqq pulls in the early chapters, and with his encyclopedic knowledge of pidw he’d notice pretty quick if there was anything different about sqq
like the brothel theory and how he treats nyy
plus with the way he writes comments he’d be able to keep up with sqq’s snark pretty easily
passionate ranting
wait why is this kinda…… 😳
binghe obsession
we are NOT shipping peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu
dick jokes
what the fuck happened while I was gone
passionate ranting
don’t worry about it
what did he say?
dick jokes
well the good news is he’s paying enough to cover my rent for the next six months
homoerotic undertones
you’re fucking joking
dick jokes
the bad news is they want me to start tomorrow
binghe obsession
LMFAOOO GOOD FUCKING LUCK
What’s His Fucking Deal
#general
homoerotic undertones
@dick jokes you have to tell us everything, we need to know if the transmigration theory is real
passionate ranting
it’s real to me
and honestly kind of compelling ngl
[passionate ranting created a poll.]
would you read the peerless cucumber transmigration romance?
☐ yes I need to know how his brain works [25%]
☐ fuck no he’d be insufferable [75%]
4 votes • 23h left
dick jokes
what happened to hello? how are you? good morning?
homoerotic undertones
good morning, how’s the commission going
dick jokes
bad
homoerotic undertones
didn’t you only get there like 10 minutes ago
dick jokes
yeah
┌ passionate ranting would you read the peerless cu…
passionate ranting
why are you all voting no
wait what’s happening with dj?
dick jokes
well first of all you’re both wrong, he didn’t transmigrate into lbh
passionate ranting
damn
dick jokes
second of all if I stop replying call the police immediately because the lbh cosplayer murdered me for looking at PC too long
it’s not like I’m a fucking artist who needs references or anything
passionate ranting
HES SQQ????
homoerotic undertones
villainess isekai……
passionate ranting
I can’t believe they sank scumcum in less than 24h
wait hold on
binghe obsession
where the fuck are you coming up with these names
also good morning
[passionate ranting created a poll.]
best PC ship
☐ peerless cucumber x shen qingqiu [100%]
☐ peerless cucumber x luo binghe [0%]
1 vote • 23h left
binghe obsession
there’s something wrong with you clinically
dick jokes
guys idk if I’m gonna survive this
homoerotic undertones
is the lbh cosplayer actually threatening you? bc I’m 100% willing to call the police right now
or book a didi to pick you up
actually what’s his address I’m coming to get you
dick jokes
fucking chill
(but ty I appreciate it <3)
I was talking abt the mountains of dog food they’re shovelling down my throat rn
binghe obsession
lmfaooo
dick jokes
I don’t think the lbh cosplayer has stopped touching PC since I got here
they’re like
nauseating
homoerotic undertones
honestly still a pretty good reason to just leave
I have the didi app open just say the word
dick jokes
six months of rent
homoerotic undertones
right
binghe obsession
I can’t decide if this is ooc behaviour for lbh or not
passionate ranting
the exhibitionism is accurate at least
dick jokes
ugh don’t say that
homoerotic undertones
bingge isn’t clingy though
passionate ranting
hm good point
binghe obsession
I’m just thinking, if the transmigration theory was true and PC became sqq, it would affect lbh’s behaviour
passionate ranting
omg we converted you
homoerotic undertones
oh that’s true, PC’s obsessed with lbh and he hates sqq… if he turned into sqq he wouldn’t be able to keep the plot on track to save his life
binghe obsession
actually nvm I don’t want to think about this anymore
homoerotic undertones
noooo come on, think of it as a character study!!
passionate ranting
yeah!! even bingge was obsessed with sqq for years, there’s no way a lbh with PC for a shizun could be normal about him
binghe obsession
ugh fine
passionate ranting
!!!
binghe obsession
well to start, it would depend entirely on what part of the novel PC transmigrated into, how much freedom he has to fuck around, and how hard he’s trying to act like original!sqq
canon lbh is an obsessive, horny perfectionist incapable of self reflection in any meaningful way bc he can’t accept that his life sucks and he’s miserable. He has mommy issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, probably an inferiority complex and a superiority complex at the same time, and who knows what else. Basically anything airplane thought would be depressing enough to introduce in the first arc but then never resolved later on
homoerotic undertones
OK Peerless Cucumber
binghe obsession
YOU ASKED????
passionate ranting
under shut up I wanna hear the rest of the analysis 😭
binghe obsession
what I was GOING to say is that if the shizun lbh was always trying to get the approval of just turned around one day and started doting on him the way we KNOW pc would, he’d direct all his issues toward pc and then it’d probably dissolve into some endless feedback loop of obsessive behaviour
so yeah, the clinginess makes sense
passionate ranting
ohh you’re so right
hopefully a bingge with pc!sqq would have a happier ending…
this sucks, now I wish the transmigration theory was real :(
homoerotic undertones
probably better that it isn’t, since, yk, PC would have to die first
passionate ranting
only a little bit
dick jokes
thank fucking god I thought I’d be trapped in there with them forever
homoerotic undertones
are you already done??
dick jokes
lmfao god no
lunch break, I’m hiding on the balcony
there’s SO MUCH shit I need to tell you guys, you don’t even know
binghe obsession
they actually gave you a lunch break?
dick jokes
tbh actually I think the only reason I get a break is bc lbh wanted the time alone to feed pc
these two are literally insane
I’m eating off a takeout plate bc they don’t have enough dishes. they didn’t even offer me anything to drink bc there’s only one cup in the entire apartment and they share it
homoerotic undertones
what the fuck
dick jokes
RIGHT?
binghe obsession
thought you’d be full from all that dog food lmfao
dick jokes
ugh don’t remind me you’re gonna make me lose my appetite
which is saying something bc this is literally unironically the best food I’ve ever tasted in my life
lbh made it and I thought he was genuinely gonna kill me when pc told him to give me some
like I’m sorry bro you’re the one who hired me?? take it up with your wife
passionate ranting
what’s his problem 😭
you don’t need to method act for cosplay
dick jokes
I don’t think he’s acting though?? like this is 100% home grown issues
he calls pc ‘shizun’ unironically and refers to himself as his disciple
homoerotic undertones
wtf
dick jokes
AND they’ve been wearing the most beautiful, intricate, clearly handmade xianxia style hanfu I’ve ever seen the entire time, didn’t even take it off to eat which is CRAZY to me
like what if you dropped soy sauce on it and it stained??? I’d kms
passionate ranting
oh they weren’t kidding abt the cosplay attracting attention then huh
dick jokes
THEY WERE NOT KIDDING, NO
homoerotic undertones
we’ve got to get you outta there
dick jokes
six months of rent
homoerotic undertones
right
well. good luck I guess
at least the food’s good
dick jokes
at least the food’s good
What’s His Fucking Deal
#general
dick jokes
hey guys?
this is gonna sound insane but
I think this might be the real luo binghe
homoerotic undertones
what
dick jokes
I think we were right about the transmigration thing
I think peerless cucumber really did die and transmigrate last year, and he brought the real lbh back with him
it’s just… something about the way they’re talking? PC keeps having to explain things to lbh but it’s only the sort of stuff you wouldn’t know about if you, say, lived in a fictional xianxia world without modern technology
also I saw his zuiyin glowing, like LED bright glowing
you can’t do that with practical effects
passionate ranting
are you doing okay, dj?
binghe obsession
blink twice if you need help
dick jokes
I’m serious!!! there’s something really weird about them!!!
passionate ranting
that doesn’t mean they’re transmigrators??? they’re probably just hardcore larping or something
dick jokes
see that’s what I thought at first too, but then
HOLY FUCK
homoerotic undertones
???
dick jokes
[10 seconds of shaky footage of an icy portal opening in the centre of an upper-class apartment living room. A man in xianxia style hanfu stumbles out of it, followed by a much taller man with long, dark hair, and skin tinged faintly blue.]
passionate ranting
MOBEI JUN???????????
binghe obsession
is that fucking shang qinghua
homoerotic undertones
WHAT
passionate ranting
MOBEI JUN???? FROM PIDW?????
what the fuck. what the Fuck
homoerotic undertones
what the FUCK
this is so
passionate ranting
oh my god. you weren’t kidding. that’s the real luo binghe
oh FUCK peerless cucumber died last year and no one even knew
AND HE GOT TRANSMIGRATED?????????
homoerotic undertones
THEYRE REAL???????????????
wait why are they in OUR world?????
binghe obsession
I think I need to lie down for a minute
passionate ranting
why is shang qinghua there???? isn’t he supposed to be dead??????
dick jokes
PC just called him airplane
passionate ranting
AIRPLANE SHOOTING TOWARDS THE SKY????????????????????????????
homoerotic undertones
imagine getting transmigrated into your own novel and your biggest hater is there too and he’s fucking your protagonist
villainess isekai protag peerless cucumber is real and I don’t know how to feel about this
binghe obsession
I just know this is your fault somehow
all three of you
dick jokes
ME???
WHAT DID I DO??
homoerotic undertones
wait oh fuck this means airplane died too and no one noticed
how did it happen twice???????
dick jokes
………… shang qinghua and mobei jun want me to paint a portrait of them too
passionate ranting
omg…… moshang is real………
homoerotic undertones
DJ GO HOME??
JUST LEAVE
dick jokes
they’re doubling my pay
one year of rent is worth so much more than my sanity
binghe obsession
I just remembered when like two years ago PC said something stupid on weibo
and it was one of his “lbh deserves better than this shitty novel” rants so I commented something like “luo binghe isn’t gonna fuck you, dude”
he was so pissed at me
but like
homoerotic undertones
LMFAO
binghe obsession
he really did it. luo binghe really fucked him