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When you let them walk over you once, it’s game over. They will take it as an indication that you’re ok with it, that they can just keep on taking and taking and taking… until there’s nothing you have left to give. You had everything taken away by them, you aren’t going to let the same fate befall your team.
You bend over, pull into yourself, they take it as encouragement. In their eyes, they aren’t doing anything wrong. If you were unhappy with the situation, surely you would tell them. But how could you, when all they want to talk to you about is work. The only reason they approach you nowadays is to ask for help (you have long surpassed the best detective in the world, but they do not acknowledge it), or to lecture you on your actions during the mission (never mind that you always follow instructions unlike the hypocrites themselves).
You tried to be perfect, have tried since you knew what it meant. It didn’t work with your parents; it doesn’t work with them either. Their words no longer mean anything to you, you let it wash over you, an unpleasant buzz you have to endure. You feel hollow inside, you gave too much freely (they were everything to you), and then they decided to forcibly take the rest. Now, there’s nothing inside, a void where you used to feel love, all traces of happiness lost in the chasm that is your heart.
Sometimes, the emptiness fills up again. They smile at you at times, inviting you to their house (it’s no longer yours), say some encouraging words, but it’s never enough. The cavity in your chest remains. The abyss of nothingness, only dissipates in the presence of you team, your friends, your real family. In your family’s company, you understand that you are not alone. All of you face disdain and lack of care from your mentors, so you stand together.
You deal with the situation using apathy, a strong defense mechanism. If nothing matters, nothing hurts. Your best friend is different; he cares too much. You try to keep him out of trouble, try to soothe him, but he cares too much. He hears everything, and he rarely likes what he hears. He is invulnerable, but only physically. You hear him cry sometimes, at the injustice, at the pain. He tries to hide it, masquerading behind a mask of self-assurance. People dismiss his cockiness, never looking closer to identify the hurt, just as he intended. He acts like he doesn’t care, but you see through it. He hopes for the love of his father, something he will never achieve. He knows this, and so he settles for acceptance. This too seems too big a step for the Man of Steel and your best friend hides more of himself until you can’t recognize him at all. The worry is the only thing that pierces your apathy and you fuss over him. In the quite safety of your mind, you plot.
Your second friend, as close to you at the first, suffers too, but he lives in a different speed. You can’t keep up with his worries and sorrow when he hides it immediately. He’s as good an actor as you, and he is used to being left out. He is not disappointed when he is turned away by his grandfather and uncle, seeming to have expected it. He does not express his misery in any way discernable. Sometimes, you doubt whether it affects him at all, then you remember, he is a skilled actor, is he not? He does not hide behind confidence; he uses truths to masks his lies. He is smart and fast in a way few people can keep up with, and he uses this to his advantage. Many think of him as impulsive, but every decision of his is well-thought out and made for a reason. He protects himself by veiling his intelligence, so all anyone sees in a reckless teenager. Though he expects to be rejected, he keeps giving them more and more chances. Each time, the light in his eyes brightens artificially. They view him as an overgrown golden retriever, and so he acts like it. Every time he comes back, more perky than he had been, you feel a simmer of rage break through your nothingness. He acts dumb and rash to shield himself from them, only willing to remove his mask with all of you. You forget about the act a lot, but you never treat him like they do. His concern for his own safety diminishes with each mission and you decide to take things into your hands.
The last of you is also the strongest. She is the only one who fully accepts that their behavior is not her fault in any way. She has it the worst, they rant about her supposed faults directly to her face. She does not take it calmly. Unlike the rest of you, she shouts back, yelling her feelings out. This does not make a difference; she is still dismissed. She comes back full of rage, anger that will not dissipate until she has pummeled the punching bag for hours on end. You join her when you can, hoping desperately that this will not be the last time. After every fight, she promises herself not to exacerbate the wound and take the next lecture lying down. You don’t want that, even if it hurts her, you wish for her to keep fighting. Because if she laid down her arms, then they would win. They want to crush her spirit, and if she accepted their acidic words quietly, they would succeed. You silently keep her company as she yells about the fight afterwards, and hope that it will be the last one. Not because she stops fighting, but because they do. You realize that it is an impossible dream but you want her to be safe, you want her to be happy. She is the one who reminds you of yourself the most. You remember similar fights, until a certain point when you just stopped fighting and took it lying down. It’s too late for you, but you don’t want her to fall into the void like you did. And so, you plan, trying to find a way out, where they can’t touch her, or him, or him, or any of you.
The strategy you decide on is risky. They will definitely oppose you, fight you, maybe even try to throw you in Arkham. You don’t care, you just want your team to be safe. What have they ever done for you anyway? They have given you nothing other than unending pain. They caused you to became a husk of who you were, they do not get a vote. You imagine their reactions, picturing their faces in your mind. Grim satisfaction fills you, followed by shock. It has been a long while since they elicited any emotion in you, positive or negative. Right then and there, you conclude this is the correct move.
A clean cut is best for you. You might even regain the ability to feel again. Your parents were the ones who set you on this path, a road leading to a chasm of nothingness. They started your journey, but it was your adoptive family (the ones you had once considered your real family) who hurried you to the end. Your adoptive father always held you at a distance. Early on, you had understood, he had lost a child after all. As you grew, your understanding diminished. You cared for him, but he didn’t reciprocate. When your parents died, you tried to hide it, knowing he would adopt you out of obligation. Your friends reveal the truth to him, hoping he would be better… he wasn’t. The oldest of your so-called brothers is difficult to read. You are unsure whether he actually cares for you or is just pretending. Either way, he would always choose one of your bullies over you. You were happy with the crumbs he gave you at one point, you aren’t anymore. You hoped the neutrals of the family would be on your side, or at least assist you, but they left him alone for all that came subsequently. Next in the family had been your hero as a child. All your hero-worship burned to ash, along with all the photos you had of him, when he broke into your only safe space and almost killed you. The others welcome him back with open arms, dismissing his actions towards you. They excused all he had done under the pit’s influence, not willing to see your terror of him. Even as you flinched away from him, they smiled, happy that you were ‘getting along’. You got an apology from him, but you can’t take it seriously when he still calls you replacement. Your successor (your replacement) doesn’t hide his dislike, in contrast. He directly threatens you repeatedly, and they do nothing but shake their heads. They don’t dissuade him and so you face multiple attempts against your life. They tell you not to fight him, to take the brunt of his anger. They tell you he is a child. But, weren’t you a child too? When did you stop fitting the definition in their minds, you wonder. Was it before or after you got attacked by a rogue who famously protects kids? You didn’t let it get to you, you maintained the peace. But they took advantage of that. You didn’t care, you had your sister, who genuinely cared about you. When they became too much, she would hold them accountable, and so it was a bearable situation. Until she left you behind. She moved away, started a new life, leaving you to them. You had your best friend at that time. She was lively and didn’t let you wallow. She supported you through everything, except her death. She faked her death and moved away, leaving you to your grief. You cannot forgive her, you can’t. You were alone once again.
You have been alone as far back as you can remember, and you thought you could fill that void with them. But they didn’t want it like you did, and so you crushed yourself and shouldered through, into the cracks of their family. You were their bandage, a plaster over the wounds, healing them but sullying yourself. You helped them move forward and heal, at your own expense. Well, no more. You are going to stand up for yourself and finally leave their toxic family behind. You had a better family with you anyway, one that cared for you like you did them.
You think about the incongruity of your plan, the paradox. You and your team have faced many enemies but the ones that keep you up at night are different from the rest. You have faced seven evil versions of your team and never stopped to think about why. Once is happenstance, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern. What is seven times, you ponder. While facing your evil team, all you thought of was defeating yourself. You never asked yourself for the reason. It never seemed important, until it suddenly is now. You think about the teams you thwarted and feel a pulse of regret, maybe the evil plan was justified for once. You dismiss those thoughts and look down at your blueprints, wondering how accepting your team will be. Will the team hear you out or deny it vehemently, agree or remain in quiet misery? You don’t know.
Convincing the team is surprisingly easy. You all know there is no other sustainable way forward. This is the only path you can take so that your family remains sane and safe. A voice in your head points out that you could even be happy, but you shove it down. Your team trusts you and you could not afford to disappoint them.
You change your names; you are no longer affiliated with the Justice League. They don’t notice, you do it quietly. They only start searching for you when they hear rumors from civilians about the missing team. You grin smugly as they frantically look, they can’t touch any of you anymore, you made sure of it.
When you reveal yourself, they stare in horror at what you’ve become. You want to snarl at them that they made you this way. Instead, you smirk and tauntingly make a ‘come here’ gesture. They reluctantly beg you to come back, they try to reason, they finally try fighting. You lose track of how many of them you defeat, more keep coming. Reminiscent to the multiple alien invasions you’ve faced, your family goes back to back and decimates the league. They aren’t dead, this was just to send a message. From the way they avoid you after, you know they received it loud and clear.
Leave us alone, or else.
You don’t want to take over the world, and so you don’t. Right now, your family just wants to be safe and that’s all that matters to you.
You are happy for a while until it comes to an end. You were expecting it, but you cannot prevent it. You fight with all you’ve got, you lose. Your family falls before you do and you stop fighting after. Without your team, there was no point in carrying on. You stare at the one who brought you down and chuckle darkly at the irony. Your own face, but younger, stares back, terrified but determined. You smile with all your teeth and embrace the darkness finally.
You smile more genuinely when you see your soulmates again, at the end of the tunnel, waiting patiently for you. You hurry forward, almost running, and collide into your family, initiating a group hug. Much higher above you, on a different plane of existence, a younger version of you is gazing at the peace and relief on your face, a strange reply to death, and plotting his own freedom.